#Johnnies mindscape wooooowww

1 messages Ā· Page 9 of 1

solemn trout
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hopefully nothing fractured

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hopefully

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fucking hopefully it hurts

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dizzy

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feels like my head is slowing going inside out

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yay

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tylenol

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here i come

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seeyal in the morning maybe

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bf is sick
Im in so much pain trying not to breakdown
So much fucking work
Not even an hour with him
No time to spend
No one smiles at me
people fucking hate me at work
Got ELBOWED in the back of my head earlier today
My shower is cold
Gonna get no sleep tonight
Wont be able to see him tomorrow either at all
Skin and hair is shit cus of work
FORGOT MY FUCKING INSULIN BAG SOMEWHERE NOT IN MY HOUSE

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not even a single good thing

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not a thing to smile or be proud of

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nothing good about today

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A total shit show

burnt snow
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šŸ™

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Im sorry john

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I hope good things come your way

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Ill make sure to keep you in my prayers

solemn trout
solemn trout
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i honestly hope too

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thank you for caring fren
Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better

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if these painkillers work that is

burnt snow
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Stay safe

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Sending love your way

solemn trout
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chu_hug ill try to fren

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huggies

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God i hope im not concussed

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Idk

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Seems unlikelt

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3 tabs might work

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god

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now im pissed off again about timezones

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trying not to take more Tylenol
I have control

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cmon john

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53 days left

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90 days

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push
fucking push

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and only a few people even care

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even

burnt snow
solemn trout
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until im 1k days clean

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Man im just standing under the shower doing nothing
I really fucking hope tomorrow is better

burnt snow
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It will be

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I promise

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Good things will come to you tomorrow

solemn trout
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i needa go to bed

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My heads going through so much rn

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im starting to feel like no matter how many times im reassured, im drifting away from my friends

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Logan
Boden
Myth
Ramen
Tee
All of them

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i feel like a failure

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not enough
Not trying enough

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Not trustful or enjoyable

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i feel like a single color

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desaturated

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no contrast

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barely visible

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like cream in white

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My feet are cold

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and I can’t close my eyes

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and i know how much u all care

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Even if ur not there all the time
Still
Thank you

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so many things

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urges
being right there as i talk on here without anyone knowing

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Im glad im past that

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you of all people have helped me more then any hotline or therapist could ever

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you

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you, reading this

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Idk what to feel anymore

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heads feeling a lil bit better

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Im a wreck

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Im a failure

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Im losing my smile

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the glint in my eyes

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How my shoulders slack

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no one even bothers

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tonight is just me and myself

burnt snow
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You're not a failure

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Not at all

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You're an amazing talented person johnny

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Don't ever think otherwise

solemn trout
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-# a_cry_goober_lonely_pout_sad

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-# thanks..

burnt snow
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I know you might not believe it

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But it really is the truth

solemn trout
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u and boden are amazing yknow

burnt snow
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You're even more amazing:3

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Amazingier

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I js made that word up

solemn trout
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-# chu_hug

solemn trout
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Im glad some people still care

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Well

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Bf ain’t gonna wake up until a couple hours later

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I might just go to sleep

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No one to talk with or much

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Goodnight

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i wish you easier times

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Please be safe

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sweet dreams

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im unhappy

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but i dont take back what i say

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sometimes this journal being all to myself is a good thing

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im sorry if ive done anything to be less of a friend, boring, unfun and too sad, a burden, irritable

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yeah..

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i keep pushing people away

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my friends

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family

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Im sorry again

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starting to think im not just drifting away from my friends but actively losing them

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bai

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sleep.

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I swear one of these days im going to wake up to one of the most important people in my life block me or something

bright sun
solemn trout
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Thank u both

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really

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work today was worse then yesterday.

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But im not gonna explain

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I feel like im a burden for being so negative all the time

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really.really holding myself back on things.

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but no worries

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Ill try and be more positive

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if that makes things better

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if people will like being around me more

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my mind is the problem here

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man

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happy days

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happy days

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bf went asleep before i could get off work

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just have to wait till tonight

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very burnt out but whatever

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rn

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More physically than mentally

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yesterdays work was intense, and very long

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Didnt sleep till around 2 am
Woke up at 8 am
Had to go to work at 11 am

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Just got off rn

solemn trout
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Holy fuck the new demon slayer movie was so good

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New jjk and chainsaw man movies comin too

high wing
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Just reminds me that normally I’d be going to watch these with friends… but none of that makes me happy anymore

solemn trout
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Yeah people are definitely avoiding me

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they give a single word and boom it’s like I was never born

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-# not here tho

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I just don’t really get it

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Ive done absolutely nothing

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Just being there

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And when i vent or even just mention something they go quiet and start talking to others

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Its just baffling

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i hope im a good person

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And i understand others around me get the same treatment
Almost constantly

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Its just the matter of my feelings about my own worth

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Again.not here.

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fuck that prick who screwed over my bf

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You’re lucky I don’t live in the Netherlands yet

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you fuckass

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Ima play minecraft

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Was gonna play with friends but like..

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guess not

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im not fun to be around anyways

high wing
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I know I’m not lol

bright sun
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If we wind up able to do that Johnny I'll absolutely play Minecraft with you :3

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And also. You're an amazing person Johnny and extremely fun to be around. You're awesome in ever sense of the word.

solemn trout
bright sun
solemn trout
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even now i cant thank you enough

bright sun
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Remember that I promised i wouldn't leave you man. You're one of my best friends and I intend on keeping that promise

solemn trout
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i know you know, and of your promise, but thank you for still being my friend

bright sun
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I always will be Johnny

solemn trout
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and as am i

you still make me smile when I cant
I luv u fren /p

bright sun
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Love you too dawg/p

solemn trout
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yknow ima just be honest

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i was just about to mention thinking of ||relapsing|| but then you texted here

and really, I dont think I want to now

bright sun
solemn trout
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you’re genuinely so amazing

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I don’t even know how to explain it

bright sun
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I try my best for my friends

solemn trout
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you are the best.
the bestest friend
And really, you are really doing so good

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i wouldnt say it any other way

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fun and relatable too

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genuinely

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like seriously seriously

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im here for you too fren, always and forever, forever and a day

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no matter what shit you go through, the good and the bad, heaven or hell, earth or interstellar space

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always

solemn trout
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Id really love to play mc with u too, whenever possible

solemn trout
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Have fun playing ya game with jay

solemn trout
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:(

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bf is really sick again

solemn trout
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Tf is he goin at rn😭😭😭

solemn trout
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God im a fucking failure

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im nothing

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It happened 3 times now
I couldnt stay up until he wakes up

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what the fuck am i even about

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cant do something as simple as stay up

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I promised him twice i would

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But i failed

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Im a fucking burden

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but he said he forgives me
I just dont get why he does

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why would you forgive a broken promise back to back

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god im useless

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im trash

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I feel so bad

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I just keep hurting him being myself

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i need to try harder

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and my blood sugars are high now

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i don’t get why im still loveable

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i just wanna spend more time with him

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And i fucking C.A.N.T. Because of my stupid pathetic head

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and the timezones

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I can’t even see him until we’re both 21

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god im fucking crying

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IM A FUCKING PROBLEM

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Fuck

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I cant stop crying

burnt snow
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Johnny

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I'm so sorry you're going through that and I know no matter what I say it won't help

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But it's absolutely normal to fall asleep, and you're not a problem

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Or a burden

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Trust me everyone around you would say the same

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Because you're an amazing friend

bright sun
solemn trout
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Im a lil better

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Didn’t do anything drastic

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thankfully

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just tired of all the setbacks and the hard truths

solemn trout
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A$AP FERG

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RAAAAHHHHHH

burnt snow
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I used to listen to him all the time

solemn trout
solemn trout
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sigh

solemn trout
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I love you all fr

solemn trout
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man

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got off work finally

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3 monsters is the only thing that can keep me going for work

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not all at once no

solemn trout
solemn trout
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I think i just caused my bf to have a horrible headache:(

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he’s feeling nauseous

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And he might be upset with me..

solemn trout
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things are getting better again

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he asleep

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not upset

solemn trout
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Gosh off work againnnnn

solemn trout
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GoooohgbFjxhsvdbxjsb

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im so eep

bright sun
solemn trout
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Nini my best fren

bright sun
solemn trout
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:(

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only 4 minutes with him…

solemn trout
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today was actually really good

burnt snow
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Did you enjoy my playlist?

solemn trout
burnt snow
solemn trout
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Both probably

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Side gigs after my main sometimes

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And ima just make it clear

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so eepy

solemn trout
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:(

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he hasnt said goodmorning or goodnight since he went asleep and still isnt online

he always says goodmorning
and is always usually online right now

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Ah fuck

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im braindead

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Its not 7 am its 7 PM

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I napped a little too much today

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hes still asleep
Lol

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i thought he forgot about me

solemn trout
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This clock. wooden.
It drags its hands through oceans of thought. Splitting apart only its own waters
No prophet wanted.

Your voice flickers, twitches grotesquely, fades now
maybe tomorrow, maybe never.
I cannot touch it.
I cannot hold it.
I cannot hear it.

The world presses in,
burning my skin with invisible fingers.
These scars on my arms?
Antarctica.
true wounds inside out
Hands pressing against my middle
begging for forgiveness.
Liberation.
etched deep, deeper, deepest. humming with anxious
urgency
that never sleeps, never blinks.

I pace the hours like a cheetah, its legs broken but will undeterred
on guard, 24/7,
listening for your steps
in spaces too quiet yet so loud.
You are space.

What if you leave?
What if this world swallows you whole
while I am here, only here,
watching, waiting
waiting… afraid
If i breathe too loud you will turn to ash?
Please don’t leave?

The distance twists me.
The earths spin like boiling rivers
Its current unpredictable.
Still. I hope. I hope still.
Still. I bleed quietly, for you
only me, only watching, only afraid.
If maybe my blood is thicker than water after all.

solemn trout
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He just seems a lil distant

solemn trout
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:(

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close friend of mine just called me a brackish slut

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i donno why..

burnt snow
solemn trout
solemn trout
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Cant get over the guitar

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its genius

solemn trout
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tbf

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i wanna sleep so bad

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Eyes heavy

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But i gotta stay up until my bf wakes up

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Which is 12 to 2 am my time

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Daily

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And i wake up at 6 am

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alot

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So i get like

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5 or less hours of sleep on basis

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And has been this way for 3 months now

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My eyes are killing meeeeeee

solemn trout
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Ignoring me again

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:(

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Am I really that disposable

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I keep falling asleep when he asked how i was

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then I responded 2 hours later

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then fell asleep again and missed another one of his messages

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Im starting to think i am a brackish slut

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dawg out of no where i start crying

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goddamnit

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i just want more time with him

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I wish there weren’t any timezones

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i wish it WASNT a 7 hour difference

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I wish i could spend time all day with him like logan and jay

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but i fucking cant

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my first ever partner and i can barely even be with them

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im just a ghost

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I love him

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its just

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im not okay when hes gone

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Everyday at 3-4pm

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he sleeps

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and i feel empty

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all day

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All day

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all fucking day

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and nothing makes me feel fuller

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other than when he wakes up

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i wanna be able to play games with him and call

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but i cant

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im purely just shit from the gutter

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that would be worse

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Idk

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well

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my struggle.

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and everyones offline too, that’s wonderful.

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god im such a fucking failure of a partner

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Im going to work soon

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oh

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he wasn’t ignoring me

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He was just going to McDonalds

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God im such a fucking imbecile

solemn trout
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O

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Also

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😭😭

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Those assholes actually yelled that out
Like loud
And everyone looked at me lmfao

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Yo

solemn trout
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ow>:(

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just stabbed myself in the waist taking insulin

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Awfully rude

solemn trout
burnt snow
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That name sure is something lol

solemn trout
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Lmao

burnt snow
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Ngl john

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I fw that

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Formadahyde was my fav

solemn trout
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Sigh

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:(

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fsr

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just like idk why or if i sound pathetic and it’s okay if i am
But something about general chat just makes me frown
even tho it’s humorous and clearly a joke

I don’t enjoy seeing friends made fun of, yes its childish but that’s just how I perceive
And im sorry if i make u feel bad by saying this
Im sorry
But really u didn’t do anything wrong it was just me, my brain

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And

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i fell asleep AGAIN for i think the 13th time right before my bf woke up and missed his morning…

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i always do this

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man

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Im broken or sum

bright sun
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You aren't broken

solemn trout
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i feel physically cold all the time

bright sun
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😭

solemn trout
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?

bright sun
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Wrong emoji

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Sorry

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I meant to put the hug

solemn trout
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oh

bright sun
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They're right next to each other

solemn trout
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is oki

bright sun
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My bad fren

solemn trout
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nono is oki

bright sun
solemn trout
bright sun
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It'll be ok Johnny. I promise you aren't broken

solemn trout
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chu_hugthankies

bright sun
solemn trout
solemn trout
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Watching general chat like im working a 9-5 in finance

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Bored tired
Blinking in one eye
Horrible mood
Half responsive

solemn trout
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I am right about this

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he hasnt responded since i woken up or even got online

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:(

solemn trout
solemn trout
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god

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man

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fuck

solemn trout
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.

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I completely missed our planned call

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Because i feel asleep on accident

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Fuck

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Im just doing horrible

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H

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ttfgvv

solemn trout
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ik its selfish

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1k seems to precious to me to lose

solemn trout
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Horrible fucking dream

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Nightmare

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I thought he left

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Physically in front of me as is he was magnetized

solemn trout
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fuck

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fuckfuck

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Fuck

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fucking god

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shit

solemn trout
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God im so fucking scared

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fuckin…i don’t know what to feel

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ignored too
god todays just a shithole

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2nd time

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Wtf am i even about anymore

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no one fucking gives a shit anymore

they welcome others

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fuck

solemn trout
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Yay workies done

solemn trout
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LMFAO

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OH MY GOD

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😭

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DAMN HE JUST GOT OFF 😭😭😭HOWD HE KNOW

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@bright sun BREAKING NEWS 😭

bright sun
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WHAT

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I NEED THAT GAME

solemn trout
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NJXHTTDFAUXU

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LMFAO

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if i get that game my friends will SLAUGHTER me

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I DONT KNOW HOW TO PRIVATE GAMES ON STEAM😭😭😭😭

bright sun
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Get it for my boyfriend 😭 lmfao

solemn trout
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10 dollars…

bright sun
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Itd be beautiful

solemn trout
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there is a famine in this world

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I mean

bright sun
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It needs fulfilled

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Its ok 😭
I mean if you find a way it'd be funny as all fuck 😭
But no worries lmfao 😭😭

solemn trout
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LMFAO

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IMAGINE ME JUST GIFTING IT TO HIM ON STEAM AND THERES A GIFT CAPTION ā€œchoose wiselyā€¦ā€

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FUCK IM GIGGLING

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MY HUMOR IS HORRIBLE

bright sun
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THAT'D BE SO FUCKIN FUNNY 😭😭

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Steam cards exist..

solemn trout
solemn trout
bright sun
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LMFAO 😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
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ā€œYOUR A DELIVERY GUY AND EVERYONES ASKING WHATS IN THE BOX. its a 10$ steam gift cardā€¦ā€
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

bright sun
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😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
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ā€œNO dont reach into the box like that😭i spent like 10 fucking dollars on this thingā€

bright sun
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😭

solemn trout
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ā€œShits luxoriousā€

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heh..bet u dont have 10 dollars throws giftcard on your roof and climbs and falls and breaks my C3 vertebrae…

bright sun
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😭😭😭😭😭😭

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Crying 😭

solemn trout
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question to all the people watching my phone rn😭are you aware your spine is moving by itself? And why, give me claim evidence and reasoning

bright sun
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Bro you sound drunk 😭

solemn trout
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*’ zhue/$

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AM JOY

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NOT

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NOT DRUNK

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:3

bright sun
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😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
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:3

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Logan my man buy gtav

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you cant say no

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Or well

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someday

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just playin witcha

bright sun
solemn trout
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DAMN WHY YOU ALREADY GOT A HITLIST😭😭EX MAFIA /lh

bright sun
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😭😭

solemn trout
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watcha buyin tho :3

bright sun
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The collectors edition of Ghost of Yōtei and a new ps exclusive that's coming out that month as well.

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Shits gonna run me 230$

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Probably more tho cus I need a new controller 😭

solemn trout
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2 games😭

bright sun
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Tbf
The collectors edition is like 150$😭😭

solemn trout
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WHAT😭😭😭

bright sun
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But it comes with a real metal mask and scrolls and shit

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😭

solemn trout
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OH😭

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SO NOT JUST THE GAME😭

bright sun
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I NEVER SAID THEY WERE GOOD FINANCIAL CHOICES
I JUST SAID THAT THEY WERE FINANCIAL CHOICES

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😭😭

solemn trout
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BRO JUST GO TO SPIRIT HALOWEEN OR SOMETHING😭😭

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/j

bright sun
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😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
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other than that im with you on that😭😭id just want the mask and nothing else

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im a cosmetic freak

bright sun
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😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
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SO ITS ALL JUST INE THING AND NOT 2 GAMES AND A CONTROLLER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

bright sun
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😭😭😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
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YOU WERE WRONG 3 TIMES ABOUT THE PRICE😭😭

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LMFAO/lh

bright sun
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SHUT UP 😭
I WAS WORKING IT OUT I GUESS 😭😭😭

solemn trout
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MY GRANDMA WOULD DISCIPLINE YOU WITH THIS😭😭😭😭

AND HER OCCASIONAL BANTERING ABOUT ā€œUNSAVORY FINANCIAL PLANNINGSā€

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ā€œOoooOoOooo you need a nursing homeā€

bright sun
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YEA WELL
I'M A SEMI GROWN MAN
I CAN MAKE MY OWN FINANCIAL DECISIONS 😭😭😭

solemn trout
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BUT YOU HAVE NO SS😭

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HEY
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS😭😭😭/j

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JUST A LITTLE

bright sun
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I better be drunk when I buy this or I might cru

solemn trout
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OH MY FUCKING GOD

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😭

bright sun
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FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOUR BOYFRIEND SENT YOU THAT 😭

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I WAS ABOUT TO CRY

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I DROPPED MY GLASSES

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FUCK

solemn trout
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GO

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GRABBETH THEM

bright sun
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GETEM

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GOTEM

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FUCK THE RIGHT LENSE HAS A SMALL SCRATCH

solemn trout
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OOOOOO

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NOOOOOO*

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DIDNT THEY COST LIKE 300 OR SOMETHING

bright sun
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YEA 😭

solemn trout
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FOR THAT QUALITY OMG😭😭😭/lh

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wear ski goggles :3

bright sun
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My insurance wouldn't even cover those 😭😭😭😭

solemn trout
bright sun
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I'LL LIVE
JUST A SMALL SCRATCH

solemn trout
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hugs anyway

bright sun
solemn trout
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😭

bright sun
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😭 😭 😭

solemn trout
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Logan if you see this dont feel bad, please.

but i know that bringing up the whole topic of what happened wasnt bad.
It was all my fault because i encouraged and ignited the whole thing

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and im really sorry to those who were discomforted and offended

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I admit i also got a little carried away

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And tbh i wasnt actually serious about the thing
I was just trying to cheer myself up
Im still not exactly very happy about what happened 2 nights ago

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So im sorry for being the ladder of this topic

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i take responsibility

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Also side note: i have 80$ in straight quarters

solemn trout
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God i wish i could call with him for more than just 20 minutes

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20 minutes barely once a week is all possible

solemn trout
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God im such a failure

solemn trout
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i don’t deserve jack shit

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God i feel so fucking bad

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so actually fucking horrendously bad

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My heads heating up my chest is killing me my belly is burning

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im so mentally stressed and fucked up right now i dont have the will to explain why

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Hes feeling like shit and not okay again

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Im still in bed

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Its already almost 9pm for him and i keep sleeping and losing time with gim and fucking things up

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god

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im just being a burden

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It’s all my fault

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why do i always fuck shit up

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its like im almost not supposed to have someone because I’ll just end up hurting them and myself

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i dont know anymore

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Im anxious out of my damn mind

bright sun
solemn trout
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I can’t take this stress
Ive been holding it, building it up for weeks and i have no outlet

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but if i let it out im just going to ruin things all over again

solemn trout
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god

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man

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he keeps going on and off

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i keep failing him
i keep failing

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Im a failure

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Im a fucking failure

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i wasted his time

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I keep wasting time

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Whats the point of being happy if i cant EVEN FUCKING STAY AWAKE

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god my stomach hurts

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i just feel like tearing it out

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come on

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come on

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please

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Come on

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please

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Please

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Please

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please

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Please

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Please

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Please

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Please

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Please

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Pt

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Please

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Why

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I feel like throwing up

solemn trout
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10 pm

solemn trout
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Gdko im

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H

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God

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Im crying

solemn trout
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My head is pounding so bad

bright sun
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Father is running a good 40$ for all hes got

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man..

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keep telling him its okay to take money out of my account but he keeps saying no

solemn trout
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Today I just feel so quiet

solemn trout
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I want himMadPout

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:)

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gonna go for a walk

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hope you guys are oki

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huggies

bright sun
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im so glad to hear

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im oki too
Just about to take some time off for myself for once

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i believe it right, or not.
Im getting better mentally

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and just

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my bf, you, all the other friends here who count on me and hope for my safety

i keep all of it in the back of my head constantly. Cause inknow youll be there if anything goes down, and that i dont have to take it on myself
my realization just snapped and now i knowchu_hug chu_hug chu_hug chu_hug chu_hugi love you all so much

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god

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I wish I could hug all of you so bad

solemn trout
burnt snow
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Wait dude

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Hsuxnxjfjc

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Bcjchc

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Are you near uhhh

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Wisconsin

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I think

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Fucjcivk

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I think j might know the lake thats in those images

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Ive drove past em

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Whenever i go up to the twin cities

solemn trout
burnt snow
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Upppp

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north minnesota :3

burnt snow
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I thought it was another lake bruh $;&,’cifnf

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:3

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Is a very beautiful place

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near duluth

burnt snow
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I think ive only been there about once or twice

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Real nice area

solemn trout
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it really is

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crimes been getting worse tho unfortunately

burnt snow
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Thats common now

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Considering the state of our ā€œgovernmentā€

solemn trout
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I keep messing up

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And failing

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Off work steamhappy

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3 more hours of work

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My body just wants to shut down and turn off

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Yestersay was HORRIBLE with work
I overdid myself in more than 4 ways
I fucking ruined my back arms legs and neck
Im shaking so much right now i cant feel my heartbeat when i press into my jugular
I got like 1 hour of sleep
Im so unbelievably sleep deprived it’s concerning
migraines
I can taste blood in my mouth
Im dizzy
Losing track of where I am

Im fucked

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I wanna go home

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I GOT DISMISSED EARLY BECAUSE IM TAKING TOO LONG

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IM ALSO FUCKING CRASHING OVER CAFFEINE

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god i want to cry so bad

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God have mercy

bright sun
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chu_hug
I'm here for you Johnny. I'm sorry things are like this for you. You deserve so much better

solemn trout
solemn trout
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God i fucking love him so much I don’t know what to do with myself

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Like

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I don’t know what else to say
My brain is overflowing with affection and love I can’t put any of it into words

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Im short circuiting

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Buuuhhhh

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Ibseuiewcjgtovfyj zdnig svjuf

burnt snow
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ā€œCool art i drewā€
and its most obviously AI

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ā€œto queer or not to queerā€
-wally gayspeare

According to my friend zackary

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What the fuck do you mean ā€œWallyā€

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Wally wonka??

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Also Logan your profile decoration looks like your sona is wearing a durag

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from afar

bright sun
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I love how you just mention me without pinging in your journal cus you know I read it😭

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i have johnny sense

bright sun
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Gay sense

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the gaydar

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btw

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commissioning someoneEyebrow

bright sun
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W

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finally realized i do have enough money

bright sun
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Good
You
Need
Rest
:3

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Not yettttt

bright sun
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YESSSSSSS

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nuuuuuu

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i gotta drawwew

bright sun
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Fineeeee

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Most recent art

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gotta finish up the art trade with Tee

burnt snow
bright sun
solemn trout
bright sun
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We love derg

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Derg supremacy

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just rewatched something starwars i forgot

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Debating whether or not to take these edibles before bed
Im feeling good tonight

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Theyre tiny ass things dont worry

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Wookiee feet as i call it

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Im stupid
Just remembered why chewbacca was a thing

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goddamn i need a better man for this shit

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wookiee feet sounds like something id say when high and im not high but im not high yet so why would i say that

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Hmmm

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got 7
Gonna have 2

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Naming them Megan Fox and Toy Chica

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what the fuck

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These fucking things crawling around my room

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loud as fuck

burnt snow
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can we hang out

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PLEASE

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you would be so awesome to take a few with ngl

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Possibly:3

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Ate em all rhh

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Thou

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Dchhixjn

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logan

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what

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Fucking cat bit

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Bot

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What the fuck

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djsjcuhsnd

burnt snow
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how many mgs per serving?

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I forgot

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😭

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how many did you take?

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UhhhhrjfougqbaLxug

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ur fried 😭

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on jupiter

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2 a weeka go

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ooooooooh

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i thought you

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FUCK OFF CAT

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oml

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Had 3 ladt night

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shit im bad at math

burnt snow
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2 just an hour ago

burnt snow
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:3

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Goin to the theatres rn

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Z

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ur baked

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Watching tronn

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oooh shiii have fun bro

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drive extremely carefully please

bright sun
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Tron Ares was okay

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wish there was more tron

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The 80’s scene was pretty sick though

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FIRST TIME I EVER SEE YOU NOT ON IDLE😭

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YOURE ONLINE

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IMPOSSIBLE

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I LNEW ITT

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:3

burnt snow
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truly a moment in history

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good photography skills john!

bright sun
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Fun fact if you work at a gas station, they let you drink the little drops of gas that come from the pump after filling a tank for free

solemn trout
solemn trout
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still feeling bad
Worried

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anxious and upset

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But ig im fine

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bf’s day at work, and in general was shitty

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whatever people im connected too feel, i feel exactly the same

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even online

solemn trout
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Sometimes i ask myself why im so empathetic

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Why im kind

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I have no internal drive to be kind and help people

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nor any external reason

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Im just like this ig

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born a good person

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i wonder why

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I dont understand why i still care despite how much the world has hurt me

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its like my heart just knows what its like in others

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and just wants to lessen it without needing a reason

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the pain

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Sometimes i feel automated

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Please wake up…

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he never sleeps in this much

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please

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:(

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Come on…

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Im getting worried

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:(((

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My chest burns

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I feel so dreadful

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please wake up

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I need you..

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hes oki

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just another rough daya_cry_goober_lonely_pout_sad

solemn trout
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20 days

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Until im 1000 clean

bright sun
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man

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todays just been blank

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being ignored by everyone in every server i got, disrespected

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:/
work..wish i could take the day off

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just sad

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idk why

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bye

bright sun
solemn trout
solemn trout
solemn trout
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Hi

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off work

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I swear to god

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No one but my few friends and bf care about

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dont even give a single tiny shit about me

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Im just the backround guy comic book artists forget to detail

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This concrete is hard and cold

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Gotta sit here until my ride arrives

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Today fuckings sucks

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i say hi 4 times and no one bats an eye, fuck even a twitch of there eye

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I used to call myself Gutter sludge when i was younger and now im starting to think im going back to old times

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And there motherfucking mosquitoes out

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fuck

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I wish he was here

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the past 3 days have been shitty for him too

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and it’s taking a toll on him and im worried sick

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Im gonna shower when im home and cry myself to sleep

solemn trout
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tf

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Someone just rolled up to me flashing their brights while im in the parking lot sittin there

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Stopped at my front rimand took off

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Low blood sugars in the car

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I got nothin to bring it up

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fuck man

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drivin home

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fuck fuck fuck

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i keep dropping

solemn trout
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Im home and okay

bright sun
bright sun
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God i wish i could play games with him

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I haven’t a single day in the week I can even try to

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We can only call once a week and it’s not even guaranteed

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I can’t even send him a letter

solemn trout
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and they were just everywhere in my room, every little object i had

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like

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and holy fucking shit

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they were massive

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Bigger than a stanley

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and my god was it vivid
and it was terrifying

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horrible dream

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all different colors and shapes wtf

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i wish i did not have this experience

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mf with the ā€œtts man.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOFā€

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^

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or my dream

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different context

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yeah that just happened

burnt snow
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wow thats… a really interesting dream john

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sorry to hear you had to experience that

solemn trout
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Na na its all good :3 just a silly dreamm

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Tf is this cat bot

lofty oracle
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šŸ’”

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Are you okay?

burnt snow
solemn trout
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Im sicka_cry_goober_lonely_pout_sad

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Codeine fuckins sucks

solemn trout
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Hes as beautiful as the 99 cent burrito supreme deal at Taco Bell

bright sun
solemn trout
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.. :(

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so fucking bored

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And feeling horrible

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bfs day was good but ended bad cus his friend got angry at him

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and it pisses me the fuck off

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because he cried and felt really bad

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fucking prick

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:(

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And im sad

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because hes sad

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I wish he could have it easier

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More than me

#

knowing and watching his day go down physically kills me inside

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why cant things just be good

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i wanna do more but i cant

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And its hard for him too

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If hes not happy why should i be

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If hes in pain why should i not

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if his life is miserable then why should mine be good

solemn trout
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Found this in my house…

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fucking slenderman shit

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Idk if i made this when i was high or sum shits going down that i dont know of

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im freaked out

solemn trout
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Think im depressed again

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Bf is being kicked out..

bright sun
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This is a horribly bad beginning to a first relationship
But other than that..its more than i can possibly put into words

I just wish he’d have a better time, i dont deserve happiness if he can’t have it

solemn trout
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Oop

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Worded that wrong

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Shit

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Fuckin gah

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gh

bright sun
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I get what you meant

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You're both strong Johnny. You'll get through this and I'll be here the whole time. Anytime you need me I'll be here

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Always

solemn trout
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Handling this constant flow of fear and stress is breaking me down bit by bit

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of multiple people

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It hurts sometimes when you’re always the lifeline, the comforter
Sometimes I want a break, but i know i won’t be able to make them better and i don’t want them to go into a dark place

bright sun
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You need that support too Johnny. You need help to help others. You're an amazing guy who cares so much about so many people. You also deserve someone who you can talk to and have comfort you as well. You're strong Johnny. So incredibly strong. You can do this. I believe you and your boyfriend and everyone you're helping will make it through what you guys are going through.

solemn trout
bright sun
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Im here for you. You'll be ok and your boyfriend will too. If you need anything don't hesitate to dm or ping me. I'm always here for you

solemn trout
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-# a_cry_goober_lonely_pout_sad

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-# thanks fren

bright sun
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You'll get through this Johnny

solemn trout
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Its not getting any better

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his arm hurts like hell rlly rlly sharp pain whenever he uses it

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pain from the inside

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leaned on it

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Probably pinched a nerve

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im scared

#

tomorrow i got him to check go try and check it out

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im worried

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nothing makes me happy anymore except him and my friends

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Life has to be shit

#

Everything’s shit

#

I say things will get better but I just get proven wrong every time

bright sun
solemn trout
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why cant things just be even a little ok

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I wanna help him

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but all im able to do is be his anchor

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I wanna hold him so bad so i just bawl my eyes out each time under my sheets

#

no one will hear me cry
i just wanna hear him

#

But life keeps chipping it away and it’s getting harder to repair

#

I just don’t know what to do anymore

#

Im gonna go cry

bright sun
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I'm here if you need me Johnnychu_hug

It'll get better

solemn trout
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I wish i could hug you…a_cry_goober_lonely_pout_sad

bright sun
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If I could hug you to comfort you I would Johnny

solemn trout
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Im so fucking scared

#

he’s gonna get his arm checked out I think and im worried

#

If it’s anything bad

bright sun
solemn trout
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he got it checked and none of my feelings are eased

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Theyre worse

#

They said it just needed rest

#

And didnt know what the fuck was wrong

#

Idfk if they’re just careless or they actually didn’t know

#

god

#

Fucking

#

fuck

#

nd i fucking FELL ASLEEP AGAIN

#

SO I MISSED HIS ENTIRE FUCKING MORNING

#

I keep falling asleep

#

im a fucking failure

solemn trout
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Man im shooken

#

To imagine a member of my art community gor arrested

#

He got arrested for counts of ||cp of a 5 yrold||, violating probation to draw furry nsfw😭😭😭
He was under conditional release, suspended sentence thingy
But i imagine that isnt happening anymore.

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Fuck man

#

to imagine i almost commissioned that guy so long ago
Im glad i didnt. I didnt know at all

#

Just damn

#

He was not supposed to be online in August from what I can tell but he solicited emergency commissions and such via discord. And I imagine the police took notice.

Just scary how police can genuinely track you completely

#

BREAKING PROBATION TO DRAW PRN😭😭😭AND BE A WEIRDO CRAZY

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He was 21

#

But UNFORTUNATELY

#

UK police are very forgiving to young non-offending individuals when it comes to that sort of stuff, for them to be convicted even after the slap on the wrist means he obviously needed to be where he is today.
in contrast to America the UK has systems to try and reform people rather than just send them to jail and give up. Sadly so

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Hopefully he gets better in rehab