Johnnies mindscape wooooowww

[solemn trout]

i am just shocked

me myself.

Considering the amount of stress and pressure im holding

[bright sun]

Im proud of you for not doing anything to yourself Johnny. So incredibly proud

[solemn trout]

i still have thoughts..but i know better

thank you so much Logan

[bright sun]

We're staying clean for each other Johnny. For me and you and you for him. I'm so proud of you

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

[bright sun]

Things will get better Johnny

I dont know when
But I know they will

[solemn trout]

i trust you

ill do what i can to help make things better

[bright sun]

Take care of yourself too Johnny

[solemn trout]

I promise

And you too

[solemn trout]

watching hunger games for the first time the villains look like if gay ppl were strait

[burnt snow]

Insane observation johnny!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

/lh

(PLEASE DONT TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT PLEASEEEEE)

[solemn trout]

i dont lmfao no worries

[solemn trout]

yipyip

Long appointment today

[solemn trout]

done

I am.so fucking tired

7 vials today

why so mannnnyyyyyuhhh

Diabetes sucks ass

[solemn trout]

Ignored all day man

what do i even do today

im still worried

still anxious and stressed

I hope hes okay

one of my really close friends is in the hospital

My other one had a breakup

so much going on

I hate it

why do I feel so numb

i wanna nap

but i dont want leave my bf if anything bad happens

because i know this

Maybe im just thinking too much

[solemn trout]

One of his close friends is also in the hospital from an attempt..

[solemn trout]

Friend of mine met WesGhost
Back in GA during one of his concerts

Lowki my favorite artist oat

[solemn trout]

More

[solemn trout]

Bf is getting new phone so i don’t know how long he will be gone:<

I miss him already

last night was crazy tho

I was the most flustered and captivated i have ever since I was born
Like literally and explicit exploding
I was rolling around and kicking my feet like some weird dog

found out i short circuit way too easily

[solemn trout]

Then I returned the favor to him

While he was in public lmao

[burnt snow]

Thats willlllld lol

Good job johnathan

[solemn trout]

PEACEMAKER RAHHHHHH

@bright sun

watch this show
Its so fucking good

[bright sun]

Peacemaker is amazing

[solemn trout]

thunder outside + fuzzy blankets + peacemaker + lemonade alchohol + nighttime
🔥

[bright sun]

W

I'm currently debating on whether or not I should make a sever called the gay council cus of this joke in main😭

[solemn trout]

lmfao

hellyeah

[solemn trout]

i want gyim

Him

comeoonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnb

do tired

daw

ehere everyone go

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

so much i wanna engage and talk in chat

but i dint

eanna ruin

inhate drubj

i hate drunk me

I hate

ugnore

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

Uhghvgcfggddhhxhxhxhhxbxbxbxbxbxbxbbxbbcbbccv

Sad jealous

I’

man

i wanna engage si much but i fing eann talk

i want him

i hate ittttttttttt
i hate how sad i am how tired anx lonely and small and vad
i ding wanna takk
Judgst go bed
I wanna go

[bright sun]

Go to bed Johnny
It sounds like you need it

[solemn trout]

only me and him know eere even a thing

but i din wanna sldp

[bright sun]

Promise you'll be ok Johnny?

[solemn trout]

I’ll try

[bright sun]

I'm here if you need me ok

Just ping me

Genuinely

[solemn trout]

ok

i promise

[bright sun]

I love ya man /p

[solemn trout]

im still so sensitive
Seeing simuones partner with them in chat
showing affectuin

I kddo getting so jealous and sad
Cmx XC vbh u gate timezibes
I hate ut

fuck

my bkood sugars are going up

fuckin

347

[bright sun]

Try to calm down and take care of yourself ok

This is what we talked about with the alcohol

Be careful ok

[solemn trout]

ok..

[bright sun]

Breathe and take care of yourself

I'm here for you if things go bad
Always have and always will be

[solemn trout]

I ruined everything tonight

fuck my sugars aren’t dropping

[bright sun]

Make sure to breathe
I don't think you've ruined anything
Just try not to stress yourself out. It'll only make things worse. You're ok Johnny

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

i just feel so cold right now
Holding back tears

[bright sun]

Breathe your best
It'll be ok Johnny

[solemn trout]

im trying
it jumakes me colder
My heart rfeels like its literally closing up right now
it hurts

[burnt snow]

Hey man i just got here. You okay man?

Im reading and i think you should just grab a bunch of blankets and cuddle up man

[bright sun]

This^^
Try your best to get comfortable. I also think it's probably a good idea to try and sleep if you can

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

im in bed rn, all the heavyiest of blankets i got

but im still cold, like its from inside

[bright sun]

Snuggle up as best you can. Think about your boyfriend and snuggling up with him. It'll be ok. Everything will be ok

[solemn trout]

I am

[bright sun]

Think about the positives of your relationship

Everything will be ok Johnny

[solemn trout]

Idk what else to say anymore

thank you

[bright sun]

I'm here Johnny

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

Im not gonna sleep until he wakes up
But i just want to say goodnight

[bright sun]

I'll be here if you need me Johnny

[solemn trout]

As am i

Grabbing a drink

Water

[bright sun]

Good

Hydrate ok

[solemn trout]

i will

[burnt snow]

John

Its okay to cry

Sometimes you gotta let it out man

Its okay

Everything will be okay

Just give it time man

Stay strong

We love you

[solemn trout]

Thank you both so much

Im just a lil better

[burnt snow]

Dude of course

We are always here for you

[solemn trout]

i feel alot better

like alot

Thank you both so much

[solemn trout]

Man

He’s been offline for 3 hours and hasn’t done anything yet
Almost time for him to sleep tho

Ive done nothing but sit on my couch, waiting

Ggggggggggggvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

almost 4 hours

I hope he’s ok

Bwahhh

fuck

he just got on and told me he’ll be back in an hour

To ‘explain later’

im worried

he goes to sleep in an hour tho

and hes gone again..

[solemn trout]

Gwah he back on

[solemn trout]

hes okay

Nothing bad happened this time

He was just at a festival

Now hes slep

:3

Had to get him all red and flustered before sleep though, its law

[bright sun]

Based

[burnt snow]

I did that with emi lol

https://tenor.com/view/dap-handshake-dap-me-up-secret-handshake-friends-gif-21759511

We on the same wave length frfr

[solemn trout]

Fuuucccckkkkkkk

fucking damn it

ill have no time to even talk to my bf

fuck

I promised my bf id be off most of next week..

now im fucked

and my promise is broken

fuck this shiiittttttttttttrttttytyrttydyeyeysgdgxvvzzc

[lofty oracle]

Donald Duck

[solemn trout]

ONLY FUCKING NOW DO I GET OFF WORK

Whores fucking made me bust my ass AGAIN because i was a little slow

and im expecting this to happen AGAIN very soon

My back is killing me

im fucking soaked

I can barely fucking walk

im so tired

work straight in the next morning

fml

so much.fucking.work

Not one break.

[solemn trout]

https://open.spotify.com/track/7jCeXImAznNKok5yOACA18?si=74d28dd7abf94d3f

i get this song

so fucking much its actually suprising

lowki sounds a little like kanye but eh

[solemn trout]

fucking

wonderful.

back at it again with nobody acknowledging my existence

in more then enough servers

i just want to say hi like come on what the fuck

BS that BS this
Im starting to think i am the bullshit

bf is asleep, work burnt me out again, im grumpy, grahhhhh why cant anyone just be kind anymore

none of this directs to you Logan ik ur watching

[bright sun]

You know me too well...

[solemn trout]

uhhhh nuh uh

totatLyy not

[bright sun]

Lmfao

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

@idle zinc .50 CAL KNIFE

TW

[bright sun]

I
Want
It

[idle zinc]

THAT LOOKS ABSOLUTELY FIRE

whered u get that

[solemn trout]

passed on by my dad

[idle zinc]

thats awesomeee

[solemn trout]

hmmmm

grabbin my other knives to show

Are hatchets allowed

Machetes perhaps

I have a couple

[bright sun]

I'd say so

[solemn trout]

to pick off things i cant show rn
I have 2 leather whips, a walking stick that can turn into multiple tools(spearhead, fish hook, saw, etc)
2 machetes(one short. One long)

[burnt snow]

STUCK

STICK

🙏

[solemn trout]

Yuhhhh :3

[burnt snow]

Very cool

[solemn trout]

TW: multiple knives and axes

@bright sun

and more..

[bright sun]

BALISONG

[solemn trout]

:3

TW: my swords :3
@bright sun sorry for the ping again hehe

I plan on collecting more

[bright sun]

Stop making me jealous

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

Holy fuck those are cool

[solemn trout]

:3

[solemn trout]

wagffcs. Dbhfc

fuck

cu jic

Fuck

i fucking

cvgffg

Fuucxkk

Gaahhhhh

i just accidentally fucking hammered my fist into my balls 😭

Fucking god

[bright sun]

Johnny 😭

[solemn trout]

😭

[bright sun]

That's not the best thing for your pain tolerance yk 😭

[solemn trout]

its not like i want to fucking bash them in like nails😭yk

[bright sun]

😭😭😭

Are you ok😭

[solemn trout]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i uh maybe

[bright sun]

You sure😭😭😭

[solemn trout]

😭😭😭lemme ask them first

[bright sun]

😭😭

[solemn trout]

they said “go fuck yourself, shit prick”😭😭

[bright sun]

😭

Valid crash out

[solemn trout]

YEAH BUT IT WAS MY BALLS SO THEYRE OPINIONS DONT MATTER😭

[bright sun]

😭😭😭

[solemn trout]

I hope i can still walk

[bright sun]

-# thats what he

Ahem

Hope so too

[solemn trout]

ahem

i take pride in such words

[bright sun]

😭

As do I young one

[bright sun]

ME

[solemn trout]

YOUNGLING

[bright sun]

HEY
I MAY BE OLDER THAN YOU...

[solemn trout]

HEY

[bright sun]

YOU NEVER MNOW

[solemn trout]

YOU NEVER KNOW

[bright sun]

DONT MIMIC ME
I DO THAT TO MY BOYFRIEND ALL THE TIME 😭

[solemn trout]

BBB

[bright sun]

Wha

[solemn trout]

idk

[bright sun]

Big beautiful bitch

[solemn trout]

im short circuiting

bug

BUG

[bright sun]

I will end you

[solemn trout]

BUG

[bright sun]

SLOWLY

AND PAINFULLY

[solemn trout]

NUH

I WILL FIGHT YOU

[bright sun]

How you gonna fight a mountain :3

[solemn trout]

how u gonna fight a..

[bright sun]

https://tenor.com/view/mountain-loop-nature-trees-gif-17427486

[solemn trout]

uhhh

uuhhh

A LIL GUY

[bright sun]

Idk
Flick you 😭

[solemn trout]

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1275901615492305017/1292778727125680149/IMG_6426.gif

[bright sun]

Lore accurate

[solemn trout]

you when i find you

[bright sun]

https://tenor.com/view/me-when-i-fucking-get-you-me-when-i-get-you-cat-pet-agressive-petting-gif-9017394813337995114

[bright sun]

W

Who doesn't want pets

[solemn trout]

Whuh

[bright sun]

Booping the fursuit snoot

[solemn trout]

spanish waitress shocked and traumatized after logan flips the table over in fluent tongue because he got less food then me/j/lh

DONT EVEN

[bright sun]

LORE ACCURATE

[solemn trout]

U CAN HAVE MY FOOD

[bright sun]

😭😭😭

Just a nibble :3

Just a fry

[solemn trout]

just a fry huh..

[bright sun]

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT

:3

[solemn trout]

Just a fry..huh? That used to be a potato yknow..

[bright sun]

The potato is sustenance
Life
Everything

Potato

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

-# potatoes

Potatoes

potatoes

[solemn trout]

POTATTO

Pota as y
-# pousetio

[solemn trout]

“I'm thinking that maybe
Tryna stay sane, the only thing that make me crazy and shady
I hate the fact there's not another place that I can go
I surf the web and get more jaded by the digital
The Novacaine can't stop the pain, it's metaphysical
I'm praying to my God
You gotta let me know”
/lyr

[solemn trout]

“Well, let me add it ain't easy 'cause I'm not rich
They say the changes that I want are in the politics
But they still label me and rate me off my skin tone
Only show support from the comfort of their big homes
But when my daughter gotta eat and my son gunned down while he bl##ds
I don't want hear these talks about beliefs and keeping peace
Got me marching in the street and with my people and the heat
We don't got the time to wait or have trust for the police
Dark clouds overhead like a ball cap
I gotta find a way to get it, I need all that
I can't be broke forever, livin' in the slums
I can't let my momma die inside this gutter like a bum
But I still don't understand why the news emasculates me
Why the Christians wanna judge me
Why the law will castrate me
All the pillaging and r#ping
And the kids inside the cages
Dropping bombs on foreign nations
How can I remain complacent?”

/lyr

I can’t get enough of this song

literally every verse, every word and everything
All valid

[solemn trout]

“Tell me what you think about me (it ain't easy 'cause I'm not rich)
They don't see the real me (changes that I want are in the politics)
All I feel is emptiness (so they rate me off my skin tone, from the comfort of their big homes)
Tell me what you think about me (it ain't easy 'cause I'm not rich)
They don't see a damn thing (changes that I want are in the politics)
All I feel is emptiness (so they rate me off my skin tone, from the comfort of their big homes)”

/lyr

[solemn trout]

Off work yaay :3

[burnt snow]

Fuck yes

[solemn trout]

:3

My top 3 favorite artists OAT

1:
https://youtu.be/8Ec5r4g9vSE?si=ZyfsX0z9yVrFd7lT

2:

https://youtu.be/Ee9hUZMVl6A?si=_Qc6VcKz6LSyP-7A

3:

https://youtu.be/bKWdsnGuFUM?si=Zitl6gKLuB32pR1Q

Honorable mentions: Scarlxrd & Bone Crew

[solemn trout]

@burnt snow Just curious but tell me if this sounds like kanye maybe(minus the yelling and metal parts)

https://open.spotify.com/track/7jCeXImAznNKok5yOACA18?si=8T3TfwDWQCupTVMJnYrUkw

you dont have to, it just reminds me of him :3

[burnt snow]

Maybe lyrics wise but that pretty much it

Reminds me more of linkin park

[solemn trout]

maybe a little of a mix of the two, his voice reminds me of ye

[burnt snow]

True lol

He almost has the Chicago accent

[solemn trout]

If i believe DOK is miami💔

Or Atlanta

[solemn trout]

Anotha one

Wes and Ryan Oakes

NOT ME IM WAY SMALLER*

[bright sun]

Make sure you state this isn't you in the picture

[solemn trout]

:3

[bright sun]

"im way smaller" 😭😭

[solemn trout]

shhhhhhhh im just being honest

besides

Im way hotter

[bright sun]

Lmfao

[solemn trout]

Just got news my grandpas in the hospital

he broke his neck, somehow still holding it together
i hope he stays. . .

i pray

[solemn trout]

permanently blind in both eyes too

Now

god

Fuck

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

fucking love this guy💔

[solemn trout]

https://youtu.be/0PcBjhfkY7U

The music i always listened to when i felt like there was nothing else left for me in this world

This song, I’ve known this song since i was really young

Its my childhood

Memories

So many memories

u ok there logan?

No pressure to reply

just a reaction is oki if u don’t feel like talking

[bright sun]

Im oki
Just here for you as always

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

Even just to listen

[solemn trout]

Im relieved to hear

[bright sun]

I just wanted to check up on you before I go to bed

Like normal

[solemn trout]

Im doing good just waiting for him to wake up so I can sleep

[bright sun]

I'm glad. Make sure you get some good rest once he's up

[solemn trout]

https://tenor.com/view/furry-anti-furry-furries-hug-huggies-gif-12775032377590226395

[bright sun]

https://tenor.com/view/furry-anti-furry-furries-hug-huggies-gif-12775032377590226395

[solemn trout]

Gods, especially this song too… https://open.spotify.com/track/51OMiX4GmihWIyWRx4Zmgs?si=lF_oLEDFRjuqHxNfES-AOA

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

I'm gonna head to bed now
Make sure to get some rest yourself
You deserve it

[solemn trout]

i will, promise gudnight my fren, pleasant dreams

[bright sun]

Goodnight
Love ya man/p

[solemn trout]

Luv ya too man/p

sleep well fren

[solemn trout]

Lmao

"Beware of the people around ya, they may become ur gay best friends"
-my bf

i get it, funny thing is we were friends, then a couple days later best friends at first😭

[solemn trout]

man

[bright sun]

Sorry about all that Johnny

[solemn trout]

No no, fren
Its okay

Uve done nothing wrong

I hope things are oki

[bright sun]

They are
I'm just stressed

[solemn trout]

i know fren and thats okay, its okay to feel stressed. Just remember to breathe, and relax your body and mind

even just a little is good

no pressure

luv ya fren/p

[burnt snow]

Pretty place

[bright sun]

Gah
Why got my dream home

[solemn trout]

[burnt snow]

I'm stealing your house Johnny, beware

[burnt snow]

Omg thats so pretty

Perfect day

[solemn trout]

https://youtu.be/fvmyb3KFHzk

loving this so much

[solemn trout]

Blood sugars went too low earlier today at work

49 and dropping

[burnt snow]

Drink some oj johnnyy!!

Get some sugar in your system

Lemon water

[solemn trout]

walnuts did the trick

[burnt snow]

Yippyyyy!

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

These are my two new fav emojis

[solemn trout]

[burnt snow]

The first one is aperently a yay

But it looks like they are asking for uppies

[solemn trout]

sounds like something id say..

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

btw

boden do u like rap metal

https://open.spotify.com/album/22nPVkqtpPnQMXb9R2QUJ5?si=MZV2YfWrQgmdXZlNQFDs9Q

https://open.spotify.com/album/3aCmgbuJABpDD03b4ixC5B?si=CUzzO0z3THG6RID81wFbxA

just putting these two albums out

both by Dropout Kings

[burnt snow]

Holy guacamole

Ill get to them when i can

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

This is the mood rn

I need a drink fr

[solemn trout]

no pressure fren

[solemn trout]

Bubblr

[burnt snow]

I have zero

Im more of a Celsius guy

[solemn trout]

my man

[solemn trout]

[burnt snow]

Honestly i love freestyling to the last three minutes of runaway

It always comes out peak imo

[solemn trout]

https://youtu.be/r-T9y5SLJAs
fav song from Riot Music

[solemn trout]

Hellyeah

[burnt snow]

On the que

Qeuw

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

Quew

[solemn trout]

have fun

[burnt snow]

Oh tf do you say it

[solemn trout]

queue

[burnt snow]

Que

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

Queue

Thats a weird word

DAYUM

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

i gotta turn this down

John why is he staring at me

Help me john

[solemn trout]

hunger..

[burnt snow]

Okay i rly like this song

[solemn trout]

:3

checkout de album possiblyyyy
Bet ud like the rest

as logan might

[burnt snow]

I think ive heard a few songs off of it before

Ill give it a listen later

[solemn trout]

https://tenor.com/view/pepper-plant-growing-jalapeno-time-lapse-growing-fast-gif-12775873310512274743

[burnt snow]

When i have brain capacity

[solemn trout]

the brian

[burnt snow]

The Brian is the control center of the body

[burnt snow]

https://tenor.com/view/family-guy-brian-griffin-brian-running-scary-gif-8185219274756384450

[burnt snow]

https://tenor.com/view/griffin-funny-family-guy-brian-gif-14437987

[solemn trout]

bian

[burnt snow]

Very chill song

https://open.spotify.com/track/731Pa6Gt7GAdADATMSEL0N?si=7Ag5KPN1RMKNQY38hg0oxg&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A0jWEotRU18MkGGjSzJMnBZ

[burnt snow]

The ban

[solemn trout]

As is this https://open.spotify.com/track/2qR9WFZNChxnVZSXqJlDcv?si=Ay3F9_h-RI60Hb6fTqOffA

[solemn trout]

Listening to that one rn

[burnt snow]

Put on the queue

[bright sun]

[burnt snow]

I have to consiously type the word

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

I luv it

[burnt snow]

Boy kisser cheifin the fatahh blunt

[burnt snow]

:3

Yo happy September 1st

5 days until surgery

[solemn trout]

Me…

[burnt snow]

Ong

[bright sun]

I hope it goes well man

[solemn trout]

[burnt snow]

Thank you man 🙏🙏

[bright sun]

If only it wouldn't LITERALLY kill me 😭

[burnt snow]

https://tenor.com/view/bleh-bleh-cat-spinning-cat-bleeeh-gif-27228826

Thanks tho johnny

[solemn trout]

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/422448194476048403/1290378116220326075/attachment-6.gif

[burnt snow]

Thats fuckin wild 😭

IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE????

HOLY SHIT JOHN

[solemn trout]

[burnt snow]

This song is actually goated

Its so good

Put on my zero skip playlist fr

[solemn trout]

:3

[burnt snow]

“Id like to teach my children to grow to be soldiers, but then a general would decide when their life would be over”
-immortal technique
(Caught in the hustle)

[solemn trout]

https://open.spotify.com/track/3RVLypBAtoFFf3tzkekOgg?si=7iAaUNjzTLmvD9epcyCHJw

This song lowki so crazy

aggressive asf

No Noteriety + Tell Me

These 2 songs go so fucking well together its insane imo

Same message

different feel

[solemn trout]

idk

i just woke up with tears in my eyes

probably some chemical

[solemn trout]

Boikin

[solemn trout]

https://youtu.be/2o4d1tVMpP0

Cant stop sobving iver this

idk whats wrong with me

acrualy

never felt more close to a song then I ever have

fuck

you know

That feeling

when a song hits so hard your spine shivers and your breath gets caught in your throat and you start twitching

[solemn trout]

Kanye x WesGhost
mmpggh~

collab

very very very unlikely to happen

:(

[burnt snow]

Such pretty

[burnt snow]

ONG

I would actually may bust

I might just

Sadly unlikely

BUT

they are both stationed in LA (i think wes ghost is there idk)

I imagine he is

[burnt snow]

All the fuckin time man

[solemn trout]

Brooklyn💔

[burnt snow]

WHY IS HE “WES” THEN

i mean kanye got roots in nyc

With Hov

Wes ghost literally does the west side gang sign bro 🥀🪫

[solemn trout]

he was born in the midwest

as I assume why hes called that, there’s no real findable answer

[burnt snow]

Huh

Hm

Doesnt explain the west side gang sign 😞

[solemn trout]

Hmmm

Could just be a part of his persona, or symbolic to his type of music/past
idfk lmao

Im also guessing “wes” is just a part of his persona aswell, or a tag

[burnt snow]

Yeah maybe

[solemn trout]

minecrft bro...

the fuckin blicky blocky

[solemn trout]

sigh…

i now only have.2 hours to be with my bf daily

work is getting hefty…

idk what to do anymore

I still want to be his, and i am…i don’t want this to end
Even if we can hardly talk

it hurts

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

:(

my chest hurts so much

dont have anything to smile for..

Just so much wrong with me

im so jealous, but just so unsure. sad

First time in an a long time i want to hide away and disappear…

But I guess im just overreacting…

fuck

Im starting to think most of my friends are neglecting me

idk..

they probably are…

But its ok they have more free space

Wasn’t a good friend anyways..

And..

Like yeah we have completely opposite timezons…

fuck my life

sigh

why am I such a burden

i cant even stay committed and say goodnight because i fall asleep to easily…

I FUCKING hate myself

why does their have to be such a big fucking difference between us

It’s hurting me

The only thing that actually makes me feel worthy of breath is on the other side of the world

Itll take almost 4 YEARS to see him

Fuck

the only reason I’ve stopped hallucinating is 4000 miles away

fuck

fuck

Im so heavy on the inside right now

im going to cry myself to sleep

I just can’t..

I cant right now

no

No

No

No

fuck

I’ve already gaven so much in my eyes

Im onguard 24/7 on him

im not good enough

Ill never be good enough

Id rather him find someone who can actually spend quality time with him

but…

i dont want to leave him

Not because he might do something very, very bad. But because i know no one else knows me quite like him

fuck..

crying..

Im sorry for being here right now

i should be asleep

fuck

goodnight

..

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

Im such a worthless piece of shit

[solemn trout]

Its like most of my friends are just unacknowledging my existence

am i really that forgetful…

i guess so..

[burnt snow]

Nooo you're not

You're not forgetful

You're an amazing fren johnny

Dont think like that

[bright sun]

You're never forgetful
You're amazing and easily my best friend ever. I'd never in a million years forget about you. And you're the FURTHEST thing from a bad friend. You're an amazing friend Johnny.

[solemn trout]

im ok

just never been this sad before

not this suddenly

-# thank you

gotta go again…

Im sorry if i made you worried

wont be able to talk for a while…

bye

[bright sun]

Its ok
Do what you have to
I'll always be here for you Johnny

[solemn trout]

-# thank you fren

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

god im so tired today

being gay and cute all day is really exhausting

makes me sleepy

4 people called my hair gorgeous at work today

again

I take it back, im not a worthless piece of shit

im not worthless, im napping with my bf rn
but i still feel a lil bad

keeps calling me his lil pup

[solemn trout]

Wonderful

Well thats weird

Im not super low im actually 439

My heads pounding

[solemn trout]

NOOOOOOOO

NO

NOOO

😭😭😭😭

NOOOO

FUCK

COME ONNN

MY FUCKING SPOTIFY PREMIUM RAN OUT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

FUUCCCCK

back to amazon music…smh

[bright sun]

NOOOOOOO

[solemn trout]

NNNIOOOOOOOIOOO😭

INDONT WANNA PAY 11 DOLLARS

[bright sun]

Pay the music gods Johnathan

[solemn trout]

but im like broke😭

[bright sun]

Welp
20$ is 20$

[solemn trout]

I NEED MONEEY

RAAAHHH

[bright sun]

You know what must be done young one

[solemn trout]

Oh btw

They should make a movie about rotten food on a plane that kills people that's called
"The deal with airline food”

[solemn trout]

I swear if someone says one nice thing about my hair again im gonna cry

[solemn trout]

Im so tired

Everytime

my phone loves to lag
And it appears as if my bf blocks me everytime i open up discord and it always shocks me

man

I feel so pathetic and insecure
Like im just pushing my friends away

I’ve already lost some just because im sensitive

I dont get it

[burnt snow]

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

[burnt snow]

DUDE I GOT YOU

I CAN GIVE YOU THREE MONTHS

IF YOU JUST FOLLOW MY SPOTIFY ACCOUNT

[solemn trout]

Feaber

[solemn trout]

sigh

bf is having a discord break:<

nnuuuuuuu

Hxhhbaoaouxhbababjzjzuggdrfvkob zwttdxxyfghhvgygggjj

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

:(

[solemn trout]

hhhvgggghgttygvvftyvvccdtyhvfygvggvgggg

So slepy

eyes heavy

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

fuck

actually had that nap

3 hours and my back is aching

[solemn trout]

eyes are so heavy

[solemn trout]

Eeehhhhgggggggggggggg

whyyyy

Bwaaaa

idk what to do

i could just go back to sleep

yeh..

bye..

[solemn trout]

god im so fucking stressed

i can feel my head heat up and squeeze

thank you..

[solemn trout]

Apparently he’s tugging my leash to come nap with him

[bright sun]

Adorable

[solemn trout]

im going braindeadddddfggffhbx

I cannot handle affextion well without completely losing my ability to stay put

[bright sun]

Aww

[solemn trout]

Xccdjz

like

I acryalt jduy go braindead
All I respond with is “bwaahhh”

Bechase i overwhelm easily and i cant think of anything else to day😭

Or just a shitloadnof random letters and numbers

AND

What sucks in the most best way is that hes a very spicy talker😭😭😭

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

cant stand an hour without him
im left unseasoned and raw

[solemn trout]

Gudniiight

So eepy

I honestly think some of my friends are prioritizing other friends over me..like im there and active with them but they don’t choose to be with me

But i ain’t calling names. This is across all of discord

Not logan tho

Nor boden

[solemn trout]

Fuckn im tired as shit

Only 1 hour into work and im burning out

[solemn trout]

Off work

Finallyyyyyy

[solemn trout]

Just woke up and bf’s bio is completely gone..

Not blocked

My name is still in there

Just absolutely nothing else

Offline too

Man..

:(

Wake upppp

Cmonnn

i dont wanna go to work feeling like this

[solemn trout]

Things are oki

Very oki actually

[solemn trout]

am i just pointless or what

all im doing is being a waste of time, of space

i only have 1-2 hours to be with my bf daily

stupid fucking job

stuoid fucking timezones

stupid

maybe he should just find someone who can actually spend time with him..

starting to think my friends are drifting away too
Even though they say theyre not

fuck

i cant even see my bf anymore

what’s the point

[high wing]

No please don’t think like that. Your boyfriend chose to be with you. If you’re both committed to each other, then I really believe you can make it work. If you are unhappy with the amount of time you have, then work towards a future that will enable you to have more

[solemn trout]

Ik ik stupid reason

My minds just really out of place rn

thank you both

u too logan

I just

Feel so broken and scrambled

my legs and chest are blown to oblivion too, 3 sets to failure today

Today was..fun

ig

man why am i so fucking jealous, envious even

I’ve already explained why i have that feeling tho..nvm nvm nvm nvm

ima do something

Everything about me looks so pathetic

ima nap

bai

stay safe yall

sigh
I gotta cheer up

nothing to smile about but ill try

i promise

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

Its just the timezones

The whole reason ive been spiraling about this

job too, how busy i am, how little i can even text my bf

And im scared that might affect our relationship

Or at least thats what i think, idk im stupid

fml

[bright sun]

[high wing]

Might be worth sharing these fears with your boyfriend. I’m willing to bet he’ll do his best to help you through this

[solemn trout]

Thank u, all of u <333/p

[solemn trout]

I just wish i could spend more quality time with him

I don’t mean to sound greedy or ungrateful..

Just

Like my friends and their relationships
Im envious of how much time they can spend with them, how good things are
And there’s nothing i can do to change things, all i do all day is just work and sleep and sit around

Im clogged in the drain

im sorry i dont mean to make any of you feel bad for feeling jealous

Im just tired and needy

Really, really needy

[bright sun]

I understand Johnny
It's ok to feel like this

[solemn trout]

[bright sun]

And thank you for being here for me Johnny

[solemn trout]

always fren

always here for you Logan <33/p

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

someday thisll change

someday

even if its physically unbearable and too slow, it should

i hope

for now thi

thi

Tho

I dont mean to sound hopeless but things likely won’t get any better for a while

not until i can apply for a partners visa, and dutch residency, and a good enough job and learning the language, and integrating, and social norms, customs, timezones, everything

its alot

for me to handle

need to make sure hes safe too until i can fly out

it just downs me all day knowing I have to do all this just to see him..like if we were both just american

But nevermind that, i sound selfish and ungrateful

Tbh, this jealousy and need is unbearable

But i just have to push through ig
nothing right now can help this, my minds not wrapping properly its crunching up

I’ll just shut up now, maybe nap or something
something physical to keep my mind steady

-# sigh…

-# thank you ko and logan

[solemn trout]

Haven’t had an irl hug in a few years

Im so cold under these thick heavy blankets and sheets

[solemn trout]

fell asleep before bf woke up again…

I failed

i have to try and find a way to stay up

Now i have even LESS time to be with him

god i fucking suck

Why does life do this

we’re together but we’re so fucking separated
And the only way we can even breathe the same air is through a hell of paperwork and money

GOD

If only

If only we had the same timezone

If only

If only

If fucking only

[solemn trout]

I dont mean to be unproductive
im just bored, and my bf has been asleep now for a while
he wakes up in like 8 hours, then i have to go to sleep when he does, then work in the morning when hes ALSO at work.

I pretty much get just little over or under an hour with him on a daily basis

so little
yet so much weight

man

5,800 miles away

7 hour time difference

Just a little over 3-5 years of waiting and preparation

applying for healthcare

paperwork

fucking god so much paperwork

Income issues

integrating into dutch society

finding a proper job

Learning their language

so much planning

just for a moment with him

dot
dot
dot

i have to be 21 to actually be with him

dont even have a passport yet anyways

yeah

ima do something

[solemn trout]

Can’t play games with him
Can’t call or do much at all except be there and love him behind glass walls

But yet only for a moment

[solemn trout]

the whole talking about the kirk situation is reminding me of when my school didnt respond to an ACTIVE school shooting threat.
The school just went on like a normal day, no extra police force, nothing. Just a regular day.
(this was in freshman)

There was VISIBLE evidence of the potential threat, but the school just did nothing. Even though it was recognized

principal had his ASS BEAT verbally and mentally by my own father.

Made him completely silent for the whole time, look down with shame, never even glanced up at ny dad

he retired.

[high wing]

the hell kinda school is that

[solemn trout]

Absolutely not a clue
Glad im out tho

[solemn trout]

Mainchat is a shitshow

[high wing]

I can imagine

Generally stick to the vent spaces so I don’t really go there

[solemn trout]

sigh

he hasnt responded yet and I have to go to work

I dont think ill be able to see him at all

fuck

f

m

l

motherfucking timezones

FUCK

bye

Fuck…

[solemn trout]

bwah

[solemn trout]

Dads a kirk supporter too

sigh..

I guess the only unbiased thing he said was that his death was for a reason. But idk im not a political guy

“The u.s. needed something like this as a sign to wake up and unite”

Bitch UNIFICATION is an EXTREMELY difficult concept to grasp in this 7 layers of hell of a country

Dawg

Its like trying to glue back together a glass that’s already been turned to dust

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

[high wing]

What I can say is this: be it your enemy, friend, family, or something in between, humans will never truly understand each other

[solemn trout]

NEW WES DROP LETS FUCKING GO

https://open.spotify.com/track/0s5V06nPKGi9kBVedenPtQ?si=3wUvncdgSC-NmDiMw-2_8g

holy fucking peak

WOW

what a mood change

i just stood up and i feel like staying down

not the first tho

mmbnsmjnsbsihdns

i dont feel enough

like im not being fun

or active enough

mainly for my friends

[solemn trout]

at least i have something to be happy about

[burnt snow]

Bro what are you on abt rn.

You are actually so fucking funny

And so fucking fun to just be around

Dont even mention talent

My brother

You are so fucking talented its mind blowing

You will always be enough for me

No matter what

Remember that okay big dawg?

[solemn trout]

thank you..

I will

<3/p

“Counting the hours, yeah, I'm losing sleep
I'm off the powder, you're out of my reach
I keep you worried whenever I leave
My thoughts are heavy, weighing on me

You want to know why I'm not coming home
Every time that I go, when I'm leaving your side
Hiding my pain, but it's coming to light
Tell me what's wrong and I'll tell you, you're right

Let's face it, I'm here but I'm still vacant
I'm tired of feeling low but all my bones stay in the basement
I don't need a saviour, I just need a sign
That you'd bury your casket in the grave right next to mine”
/lyr
🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️

man

Cant decide whether to sleep rn or stay up

[solemn trout]

cant stop listening

[solemn trout]

1 hour

is all i got with him tonight

i guess its better then nothing…

siigghhhhhhh..

i feel better tho

im so grateful and thankful

but im too wanting more time i physically cannot obtain

[solemn trout]

So

wow

God

absolutely wonderful.

bf is having stomach problems and probably took too much painkiller

:(

:(

:((

i hate seeing him hurt this bad

[bright sun]

[solemn trout]

[solemn trout]

God im so worried

Overthinking

[solemn trout]

fucking god

my head hurts so much

i can feel it pound inside my hands

it stings so bad

fuck

cant even think fucking straight

I might go to the hospital tomorrow

And check it out