Connor's journal | Huddle | Page 1

uneven marsh Apr 11, 2025, 12:40 AM

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wednesday 26th febuary 2025 i made the most special, most beautiful woman ever to exist my girlfriend, one decision i will never regret in life and i hope i make the decision of marrying this woman yes right now its early stages but i have never felt so strong and in love with someone in my life, this girl hesetated when i first asked and asked me to ask her the question again and the answer i got was one of the best, ever since it has been such a goood nearing 2 months with a girl i can call "the love of my life". she has the eys the smile and the personality i fell in love with ❤️ i have made sure everytime someone as tried to pull her down i have took her hand and put her back up top where she belongs. i will make sure this woman is protected at all costs.

everyday of every month of every year she will be loved and provided for, even if she is awkward for shopping in her words, she still deserves the world. her intelligence is next level in many ways i cant even describe, her smile easily makes my days so much better before it even starts, compliments go a long way from her it sits on my mind for weeks and makes me smile over and over again, even tho she thinks she not cute she is absolitely stunning i will love this woman for as long as possible hopefully untill death do us part, i love you babygirl, i love you head to toe every stretch mark ever scar anything u dont like about your self ill take time to make sure you know how much i love the way you look, love the way you act ESPECIALLY your adhd outbursts, i cant live with out you my love xxxxx ❤️

uneven marsh Apr 11, 2025, 1:26 PM

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Today is the day I hit the roof about being used like fish bait, working as a courier for someone who can’t be arsed to get out the van likes handing me to people like I’m a fresh piece of steak at a butchers shop and didn’t even ask if I wanted work in the next 2 weeks when he is off, like cmon bro tf is that about now I feel bad if I say no my other good friend/ work colleague that he might be a bit pissed knowing my boss has said I’d go work while he’s off to fucking Portugal Spain, dozy black fucking babooshka kut

uneven marsh Apr 12, 2025, 12:54 PM

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moans in parcelness AH LUV PAAACELS ME

Gay

uneven marsh Apr 12, 2025, 8:42 PM

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crazy some things aint it, crazy how things can affect you with one word, or one sentence, i wounder whats been said, just waiting for the answer

uneven marsh Apr 13, 2025, 4:20 PM

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You know when your that in love the girl who you think of 24/7 has your feelings very strong for them, just found she took a nap because her meds knocked her out and she sent a voice note AND OMF her sleepy voice and giggles makes me melt like fucking butter, this woman got me around her pinkie finger and she knows it, her voice is one the best soothing sounds I here and I love it her giggles her sniggering behind her duvet when she laugh OH MAH GOD I fall for this girl over and over again she’s beautiful

uneven marsh Apr 13, 2025, 11:33 PM

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i have the same reaction with titties like cats do with their cat toys and mr crabs with money, TTIITTTIIIEESSSS

uneven marsh Apr 14, 2025, 8:49 PM

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Doesn’t time fly:

Doesn’t time fly when you enjoy it as it comes or when your doing something fun or spending it with someone you love. Doesn’t time fly when playing a game or watching the favourite tv show you’ve been DYING to watch for months. Doesn’t time fly when someone you love has the same affection but ALWAYS try’s to beat it but never can (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)

Doesn’t time fly when u don’t watch the clock showing the same numbers and same hands posing at the same directions for the whole 24 hours of the day each minute just tick tick ticking away.

My time has flew, 2 months soon when it hits the 26th, aye don’t get me wrong it’s been an almost good 2 months DAMN even kids have been in a conversation but that’s not gonna happen untill 10 YEAR FOOKIN TIME sheesh, tbh if it wasn’t her I don’t want anyone else, time flys when she’s around or she’s messaging or calling glancing at her (DO NOT STARE, like a fucking enderman) she’s either so hyper focused on her art it’s cute but shows the mature side of her or when her ADHD bursts kick in she’s like a toddler on steroids, BUT there’s a but and she’s has a wicked one BUT not the point I love her all, her child side her mature side, her happy yappy side about ancient Egypt and airplanes going neow. The best thing is she is able to smash her head through McDonald’s window and go OH LOOK AND EMIRATES A380 Gojng to shanghai NOW I’m gonna be corrected when she reads this BUT I didid it on purpose so she does and that’s what I love about her and I never want her to change

All this fucks that’s treated her should be POLITELY removed but eh we all gotta learn to live together,

But the main thing is she has me and I have her I’m not goin anywhere or losing her anytime soon coz if she tries to walk away ima trip her up and say “NAW BETCH YEE MINE” and man hug the shit out of her

Doesn’t time just fly…

uneven marsh Apr 16, 2025, 7:44 AM

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Hello baby, I hope you read this today and not follow my silly mistakes of looking right past it

I just want you to know how much you mean to me. The world is such a horrible place but with you I see all the good and all the best, your eyes are the best pair I will ever need in my life I could not imagine anyone else’s to look into at night, too bad I can’t stare at em, tho my 5”2 enderwoman will kick my ass” but I love her I love her child side her mature side her work side and her happy head wobble side, she is such a spark in my life that made me feel actual love for the first time and I truly and deeply love this girl with the massive heart I have just for her and it’s all hers alone

My arms are her Personal kingdom where she can dive in and bear hug me from any side or angle she wants, side too behind what ever I’m hers to do as she pleases with, the first night we eventually share together is a memory I wil never forget I’m gonna make sure you fall fast asleep and let your inner child rest in my company and make sure you feel like you are loved protected and special in any way possible, you got cramps? I have hot hands let me put them on your stomach and sooth it, pain in your leg? Give me it and lay it on my so I can massage it, hungry? What should we do make something or order a takeaway my treat or a date to a nice Italian restaurant. All the things I’d do for you is why I find you so special, you treat me like I’m the one for you, you have bring happiness to someone who didn’t know he could find that again, you have saved me times and time again from falling depressed the smile and the beauty of you is what keeps me going and gives me my motivation during the day. I love you babygirl

I hope you read this soon xxx

uneven marsh Apr 20, 2025, 10:29 AM

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Right I don’t know where to think right now…

So lettuce begin, no names mentioned but when this is read it will make some sort of sense, so this lad has came into some sort of picture from my someone’s past and this lad made my someone very uncomfortable by poking touching head patting hugging stalking kinda ways with her and he’s “GAY” now don’t get me wrong nothing wrong with them I have a gay friend who lives 10 mins away from me and she is a good friend of mine from school, so he has came back into her life yesterday or the day before and I have a VERY STRONG dislike of said person and I have not even met this person so excuse my language through this as it will build upppp…

So they were having a convo about valentines sex related shit now I’m sitting woudnering why would u have a convo with someone if they make u feel uncomfortable and u dont want your times to clash with them at college and nothing to do with them BUT then continues to message said person now if that was me nah they’d be gone, last person that done shit like that to me I pushed off a science stool and broke their arm coz they made me uncomfortable to the point I couldn’t stand it any longer the point is

Is he coming back for her?
Does he want her?
Is he tryna sabatage something so good?
What’s his plans?
Why do I feel like I can’t trust him all together yet I’ve never person?

So many questions go through my head I don’t wanna think about it but it’s there like a scab constantly coming back and frustrating me

I turned my camera off last night coz I was getting frustrated and I didn’t want my someone to see but she was too focused on talking to nick so which is the most logical reason I turned it off so I didn’t distract her from making a possible new friendship

Is this another thing that could fuck it up? What do I do if I lose her? Would not be the first time someone has came from the past and fucked yo a relationship I’ve been in or was that just my insecurities

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I can’t stand these thoughts, I was perfectly happy when we were together like we are now but since this lad came back to her life knowing what he could of possibly been like could this fuck it up? I knew exactly how I felt but since he’s here idk what to feel or think but my love for her still stands as always that will never change but the fear of a possible sabatage and fear of a decked relationship is in the back of my mind 24/7 the only place I can vent here coz if I went to her I know her exact answers and I don’t know what to do anymore

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The possible thought of questioning if I need help is also floating around, not just anger mangmebt fir 6 months then being brushed off with some stupid asf excercises no no like professional assessments etc idk where to start if I needed it I’ve been this way for years and I hate it, everyone around me always tell me to grow up becuase I act too childish but how do I grow up and act “normal” like everyone else

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I think having a mentality where I can easily just cut people off with having the consequence of pain knowing I still have a friendship or used to there company then the affect wears off after a few weeks and I get used to being alone again but they are still there when I think in my own thoughts

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Sometimes I just don’t understand where I come from or what others think feel or do my misunderstanding is what causes most issues

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Sometimes when I think it can control how I feel or what I do, if I think of something that’s sad or heartbreaking such as losing someone I get upset but it disappears quickly, if I think of someone hurting me or others I’m angry but I don’t show it becuase it’s just a thought in my head, when I reply memories from my childhood I smile sometimes laugh and get questioned why I’m smoking or laughing and I have to hide it thinking I might be judged or laughed at so many things affect me over the simplest things

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If I have to make things better I’ll disappear to let everyone else enjoy their life they don’t need some fucking constant overthinking questioned fuck in their life

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It’s not to dig at anyone or anything I’m just confused everything is just going up and down since I woke up and idk where to look stand or who to even go to for help

uneven marsh Apr 21, 2025, 7:46 AM

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In the mood to wear a thong and some tight ass leggings, BABBEEE WHERES MY SUPER SUIT 😂🙂‍↔️

uneven marsh Apr 23, 2025, 10:01 AM

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Istg my girlfriend makes me happy

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LIKE

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GENUINELY

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ENDERWOMAN DONT STARE

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HAPPY LIKE

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UHHHH

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she cute

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She adorable

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I want her

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She needs cuddles and she’ll get em

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She needs a kingdom and my arms are hers

uneven marsh Apr 24, 2025, 6:07 AM

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first day of the long shift for this week is over and still got today tomrrow friday and saturdayto get donw with and im going to be tired alot untill this is over with then itd be back to normal

also hunnie dont worry about me or anything just make sure u sooth that tooth pain

uneven marsh Apr 26, 2025, 7:18 AM

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Istg don’t get this wrong but some nights I love just looking over at my girlfriend while she’s sleeping knowing she’s happy and being loved by me and she can settles with the help of being loved feeling safe and secured and looked after and it always makes me think how tf did I get her and how or why did she say yes to me asking her to be mine but I’m sooo lucky to have her, I would not be the man I am today if it wasn’t for her, her eyes brighten my days, her smile is my world light and her happy head wobbles are my indication to her happiness, she folds everytime I look at her while she’s focused on her art work

I love her to bits I don’t want to lose her

uneven marsh Apr 27, 2025, 9:10 PM

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Omf OHH MAAH GAWWDD she’s bootiful how tf did I end up with this absolute beauty of a girlfriend

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I can handle it 😍 EEEHEHEHHEEE

uneven marsh Apr 28, 2025, 7:50 AM

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I love her

uneven marsh Apr 29, 2025, 2:41 PM

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Istg it’s that hot ima become a melted ice lolly for my gf and she gonna be looking at me like “ 👀 you good bro?” LIKE CMON IM GINGER AND IT GET HIT x2 HARDER FROM SUN RAYS THEN MY NEIGHBOURS DOG BEIJG TOCUBED come the fuck ON 😂😢

uneven marsh Apr 30, 2025, 7:45 PM

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Deep thoughts ain’t good

uneven marsh May 1, 2025, 2:08 PM

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Uhhh hey, well LETTUCE 🥬 BEGIN, so I had a bloke built like the fucking iron golem fucks from Minecraft try to kick my ass today, lettuce 🥬 explain - so I dropped a parcel over his fence as I had no access to the property’s back garden like usual I normally do, and no answer at the front door, this fuck comes out all musuckles and has a go saying use my fucking front OOH SORRY FATSO BUT I USED IT so I said I knocked and no reply so I couldn’t get in with a bottom lock and he came out saying he opened it with ease MF YOU ARE A BRICK SHIT HOUSE AND LOOKS LIKE U COULD CHOKE A BULL 🐂 (horny cunt) SOO I said well it ain’t my fault u canny fit through doorways now is it both instense death stare at each ither he runs into his house comes back out with a bat I asked what he gonna do with it he said he gonna smack me with it, I went “ohhh so your not the big bouncy ball we thought we were gonna play with, shame” NAH this fucker chased me 10 blocks WHILE HOKDING OARCELS and I was just laughing my arse off the whole way now my legs are killing 😂 fucking rooley pooley cunt ON FORTH MY FAT SPIUNGE OUDDING FRIEND BULLDOZE SOME HOMES

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Fun

uneven marsh May 1, 2025, 9:18 PM

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What do you do when your girlfriend is feeling low even tho u asked her and she sort of denied it by saying “I’m OK”

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She needs know how amazing she is this girl saved many people yet she won’t take appreciation

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She got NOO IDEA not a clue yet when people throw it her way she teleports her autistic ass millions of miles away like naw bitch I don’t want….

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Her presence I show appreciation for, she don’t gotta show up ever again she could just bam gone poof cya but her just giving that simple HOII nah there ya go I appreciate the text, the compliments the love I appreciate me wanting to spend my life with her becuase she showed me true love for the first time, that’s appreciated

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BUT NAW this betch says no takes a grass block and disappears

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Now I know her past her DID and the shit she’s been through and I expect these low days of her self saying she doesn’t deserve anything but she deserves way more then what most people do istg if it wasn’t for her people she’s met in the past wouldn’t be the man/woman they are today and I’ll even admit I’m a different person in ways that are easily changable BUT she changed me and I love her

uneven marsh May 2, 2025, 6:05 AM

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Best sleep in a while and it helps a lot when you got the love of your life sleeping on call with you 😍♥️

uneven marsh May 4, 2025, 3:24 PM

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I’m in love

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Send this to someone you love, in my case she already has it

I’m in love with her….

I’m in love with her…. for her eyes 👀, those beautiful bright blue pools of beauty i will dive in and never come up for air, she has those eyes and they define everything about her past, she been through the toughest parts and most unimaginable pain but she is safe now in my arms and my company

I’m in love with her…. for her smile, OMG her smile…. Where do I begin…. That smile is a heart beat skipper everytime she smiles I feel her love even tho she’s far she’s close to my heart, a smile to her is a sign of love and comfort, I see it and I smile right back which makes her fold like fold up pretzel style she makes me so happy

I’m in love with her…. For her hair, it might be shoulder length but I will run my fingers through it to show her she’s at peace and has all the loves she needs, if she sleeps I will run through her hair with my fingers to help her settle and let her innner child be at ease

I’m in love with her…. Becuase she brightens any day good or bad sometimes worse but she is always there for start to end of every day and she always makes it the best when she’s there or when she’s at work and drops little messages saying she loves me I smile so hard and I love her so much

Created —> Connor

uneven marsh May 6, 2025, 6:06 AM

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This morning was a nice wake up which I never expected, last night was the best I got to see her smile again on a vid call last night, dann her smile tho anyone would love that smile it’s like an addiction and it needs to be fed, her smile is just something else and I’ve missed her so damn much not being able to see her making me proud doing her art work for college, making her laugh smile FOLD like a pretzel and just seeing her focus on what she loves most gives me the boost she deserves to have, everytime I call her she makes me happy, everytime she send her cute little pics saying she feels pretty she is always pretty that girl is the last for me and the for life. When they say a dog isn’t just for Christmas it’s for life NAH she isn’t just a gift or a blessing she is for life and till death do us part I love this girl and will forever and always, she makes me so happy and I can’t stop loving her she is the world and the girl I was searching for, had to kiss a few frogs to get my queens and now I have her she is the best and the one and only HIT IT OLLY MURS “so cmon and spin me around coz I don’t wanna go home but when you look and smile at me like this you know my heart skips skips skips a beat”

uneven marsh May 7, 2025, 6:27 AM

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Yay I got to see her this morning 😍

uneven marsh May 7, 2025, 9:17 PM

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FUCK SAKE

uneven marsh May 7, 2025, 9:47 PM

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The fuck. The fuck , aTHE FUCK IS IN THE AIR THE FUCK

uneven marsh May 9, 2025, 1:16 AM

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me and my mouth got a thing for fucking shit up

uneven marsh May 9, 2025, 6:36 AM

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Might just disappear 🫥

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Someone just give me one reason why u shouldn’t disappear, I already have one becuase I got a girlfriend I love to bits but she gonna end up leaving if I don’t change my shit but someone please give me one reason why I shouldn’t

uneven marsh May 9, 2025, 10:53 PM

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Well I caused a shit show fuck knows what I was thinking

uneven marsh Jun 2, 2025, 8:50 PM

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ok im back i vanished becuase things were fucking up in my relationship but we ok now and im ok so i rejoined and im like tipsy rn

uneven marsh Jun 2, 2025, 11:17 PM

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21st was a blast, new watch, new trainers aftershave new clothes pub lunch the works best bday

uneven marsh Jun 3, 2025, 2:35 AM

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Fuck sleep it won’t let me 😢

uneven marsh Jun 3, 2025, 7:08 AM

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FUCK SAKE

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If I wanted your help I WOIOD OF ASKED FOR IT I have no reason to engage in a convo with you so leave me tf alone I’m getting pissed off 😠 and this was frol yesterday not today

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Love it when u have someone to vent to

uneven marsh Jun 4, 2025, 6:46 AM

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Whhhhyyyyyyyyyy

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Alsways the last always

uneven marsh Jun 4, 2025, 7:06 AM

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Hmph

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Yeah a pre made curse on famine g anything out from anyone

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Also why call someone an arsehole but still speak to them, like idk how or where that makes sense but apparently it does….

uneven marsh Jun 4, 2025, 7:07 PM

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Hehehehe is everybody haveing a good time?? AAAAYAAAAAYAAAYAAAAAAA WE GOING TO IBIZA DONT STOP THE PARRTTTEEEHHHH (drinking raves)

uneven marsh Jun 4, 2025, 11:04 PM

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"oh i love it and i hate it at the same time, running from the daylight from the daylight running from the daylight"

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thats a good song tbh those lyrics above

uneven marsh Jun 5, 2025, 9:25 AM

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I’m sorry

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 12:15 AM

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i really need to stop overthinknig shit rn

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 8:13 AM

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Got to call her and wow she calmed my anxiety down so fast ❤️‍🩹

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Seeing her laughing and head bopping up and down like she always does makes me smile so focussed I had to be a drama queen and make my self look like I was banished into my pillow while doing it 😂♥️

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But fr im grateful asf over her

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I know I might not be good enough for her but I sure as shit love her to bits and that’s not gonna change so if people don’t like that then they know where the door is becuase she the love of my life and yes despite my actions and what gets said about me I’m never gonna change the way I feel over her 🥺

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And I’ll forever be grateful over her for her staying even tho I was degraded to hell she still stuck by my side 🥺

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 10:39 AM

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I know people are gonna try pull me down now so let’s have ittt 😂

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 4:38 PM

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A&E you are a fucking joke ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN…

So doing a delivery on a FOOTPATH walking to a door then this fucking YEWANK swings this window open and smashes my shoulder so I’ve grabbed it and slammed it shut and told them to “look before you open that window you fuck” the owner of the flats on his private plot came asked me what happened and took my side by saying “ it’s alr I’ll speak to them for you but walk around the front next time” i said aye i will but nah im still going the same way but to A&E - thanks for doing nothing as usual

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 8:09 PM

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Anxiety is absolutely crippling me rn, been 2-3 days and it won’t go

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 9:09 PM

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Fuck it, I’m putting a wall up

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Running a million miles an hour WEEWOO

uneven marsh Jun 6, 2025, 10:03 PM

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h

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