#Life Being Me

1 messages · Page 2 of 1

silent blaze
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I said I wouldn’t smoke tonight and guess what happened!

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Okay you can’t lie weed is better than vaping

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Weed gets used medically all the time, when has vape ever been suggested by a doctor

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Me trying to cope with the fact that i’m smoking weed every day alone in my bedroom

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Im not lonely though

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I just like it when others don’t see me tweaking out because then I feel like a druggie

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I legit nod off to sleep when I get too high, people could be talking to me and I wouldn’t understand them

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I need to start drawing the shit I think about when i’m high, it’s fucking crazy. Feels like I unlock the truths of the world, is that ego death or something?

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She is an annoying little shit but I really like her

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silent blaze
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Entered flow state at 5 Below and bought like 6 dumpling squishy’s, 5 slimes, 5 squishies, and 5 needohs

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Oh and 4 mystery unboxing things. But like half of this stuff is for my siblings AND me so

silent blaze
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Told my work bestie how I like our coworker and have been since I started working there

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I felt like I needed to tell her because she’s known him way longer than I have

silent blaze
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I miss my sativaaa wtf is this indica cart

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Makes me feel like i’m fucking numb

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its kinda peaceful though

silent blaze
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Mkay guys shortly after typing that I had the worst trip of my fucking life

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I have like a window of time where i dont remember, and what I do remember is constantly having to calm myself down because i’m being paranoid

silent blaze
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I miss my sisterrrr

silent blaze
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So bad actually I called off work and went to the hospital

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I was convinced I was having a heart attack and started panicking so bad

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I feel like im coming down then it comes back all over again

silent blaze
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Been like 5 hours and still having derealization and nausea but the impending doom is slowly leaving

silent blaze
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I WAS FEELING SO BAD I WENT AND TOLD MY MOm

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She dgaf though she was worried about me being okay. And she told me all about when she first tried hardcore drugs (she used to be an addict but she’s been clean for 10+ years) and how I reminded her of herself

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I asked her “did you ever need your mom when you felt sick “ and she said “never, she wasn’t really there” and she started crying and we had this like session of talking.

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But yeah i’m going on a break from weed because that fucking killed me, its like if you’re super depressed with no meds and it’s 80x worse

silent blaze
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i can’t really take the pain of loving someone right now, so I want to smoke

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I shouldn’t but I want to

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I wont

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I want to fucking vomit right now

silent blaze
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Okay what is with all this sad shit

silent blaze
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Why tf does my dog look like a taxidermy

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Big yikes

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Also guys later i’ll show you my squishy collection because i’ve been collecting since the beginning of this month and i’m feeling proud

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I just got the squishy dumpling surprises too and i’m so freaking happyyy

silent blaze
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My squishy

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I did my lashes and I look fucking crazy rn.

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Also rethinking my week

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Also thinking about the fucking guy I like because god how much I hate liking him

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He isn’t a bad person though I just hate who I am when I’m attracted to someone

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He is also like 11-12 years older than me, which kinda scares me but in a way I like it

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Maybe its because of my bad view on older men or something

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But they are different. I like them because they listen and understand, the have experience.

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I think that honestly might be the best thing about men is when they pick up on how I feel without me telling them

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And that’s what he does

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So that’s why I like him

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Oh and my #1 favorite thing about a guy is when they are quiet and listen to what I say. Not a control thing but like when they actually let me talk and just listen.

silent blaze
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did i forgot to mention I love kurt cobain

silent blaze
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Just fought with my mom over bs

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I think she forgets im an adult

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Also i’m done with my bsf he forgets me so much and has so much excuses i’m bsfs with someone else now

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Does that sound petty?

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I sound like a stupid middle schooler

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But if he wants to play elementary then I will, he never acts like an adult. He isn’t mature.

silent blaze
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I like this guy so much I turn into a fucking dumbass near him

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It feels so good to be around him but it freaking hurts

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I have a good ass chance for him to like me too

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What do I want from him anyway

silent blaze
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I GOT THE TATTOOOOO

silent blaze
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Mental breakdown today. Today was like the worst melt down of the year. was high all day, two fucking dweebs hit on me, men stared at me all day and I felt gross with myself.

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I wear one cute outfit and men start caring, makes me feel disgusting.

silent blaze
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On top of that im fucking withdrawing

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I feel like dying

silent blaze
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Smoking weed has been the worst thing to ever happen to le

silent blaze
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Day 2 without weed doing alright, I keep having mini panic attacks randomly throughout the day. Taking my meds is really helpful and being busy really helps too.

silent blaze
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Life isn’t really feeling like im living rn

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I don’t want to be friends with my bsf anymore

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And i’m serious

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He doesn’t care about me because if he did he would reach out to me and actually fucking answer my calls and texts

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Like we’ve been planning this function meetup friend thing for about a month and I’m seriously considering not going

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he makes me feel like nobody, like I have no meaning outside of being friends with him

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Like i’m just someone who is there whenever he wants, that is all i’m good for.

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I have to put myself first because I never do

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But i’m so sad because I love him so much

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He makes these excuses that I work too much but he never answers my texts ever, and doesn’t plan anything on the days he KNOWS i’m off

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And he gets annoyed when I forget what days he isn’t working yet he gives 0 fucking interest on hanging out with me on both the days i’m off

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OH OH and I see him with all our other friends hanging out legit every single day meanwhile i’m stuck getting photos sent to me of them at restaurants, sleepovers, like i’m so fucking done

silent blaze
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7 days of actual mental torture like I legit was ready to end my life cuz of weed hell nahh

silent blaze
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I can’t explain to you how horrible i felt

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I didn’t recognize my face, my room, my family. And when I would wake up all the way until I went to sleep that night I felt despair. Id wake up thinking I’d feel differently and it just didn’t go away

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I tried to distract myself but it wasn’t just mental anymore it was physical, I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t even talk.

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Even now I’m terrified it’ll come back

silent blaze
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Not a fucking meteor shaking my house in the middle of the night

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It didn’t hit obv it just created a sonic boom after exploding entering the atmosphere

silent blaze
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Still stuck in my head. I don’t have the will to speak, eat, work, cry. And when I look at myself in the mirror I see someone completely different

silent blaze
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Everyone says i look tired, im really just dying

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I will try and end my life if I don’t get better tomorrow

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And im so serious

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It isn’t sad or anything its just how life is

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I feel bad for my family but like if they felt even half of what I do right now they’d understand

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In the end I can’t even recognize myself or anyone

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when I die I wish to become a cat in an old lady’s house where she listens to vinyls all day and smokes

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Peak existence

silent blaze
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Feeling better today

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Actually went to work

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There were times I felt that despair again but it was quick and didn’t last all day

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I never understood what people went through to actually commit suicide, like I couldn’t fathom it. Now I completely understand and feel so stupid for saying it’s selfish

silent blaze
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My dog is sigma

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silent blaze
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I still want to die though, can’t tell why I do

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I can’t even tell myself “you won’t” because I don’t know

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Maybe its cuz im still recovering? And being bored while recovering makes me think more

silent blaze
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I’m cooked guys

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Tonights the nighttt i’m killing myself and i’m not afraid

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I mean i’ll try lets hope it works like it would be so embarrassing if it didnmt

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I don’t want to go to a psych ward

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I had college coming up which kind of sucks that i’m not going to be able to do that

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Um idk what else to say

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I loved my mother very much she is the only person I will speak of as she deserves to be mentioned

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This isn’t supposed to be sad or anything just like acknowledging i’m no longer trying to beat addiction, think of it as me being at peace

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I’m going to write letters to my friends and my family and then i’m out.

silent blaze
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I just got out da psych ward

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LMAO it’s embarrassing but i tried to kms and like clearly it didn’t work. I just got sick cuz I took pills and legit threw up non stop for a bit. My mom figured it out and took me to the psych ward. It was like not that long all I did was talk to ppl a bunch and sleep there for a day

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Barely saw anyone other than the doctors and the ppl in the group session I had

silent blaze
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Bru i left the notes under my bed and my mom read ts, she took me to the psych ward asap. Took my phone, took everything. I’m feeling a bajillion times better now tho cuz I just gaslight myself into thinking everything is alright.

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Every time I think about how life is shit rn I just lock in and say “ur fine dude relax” and im good

silent blaze
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Im just waiting to up my anxiety medication as I think it will severely help me

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I take 15 mg of buspar and 160mg of desvenlafaxine aka effexor

silent blaze
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The thing that gets me messed up in the head the most is feeling like i’ll never get rid of that despair feeling from anxiety

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But in reality I know i will

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Its just mental illness fucking with my head 24/7 I have to be strong and fight for myself every moment i’m awake.

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I was never like this a month ago. I never felt so completely ruined

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I never truly wanted to die before, but this time it was way different. It was like something in my head was literally forcing me to end my own life out of fear of despair

silent blaze
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Officially no longer friends with my ex bsf

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I broke that shit off because noooo wayyyy are u constantly hanging out with someone completely different and lying about why he can’t hang out with me

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Like first off go fuck yourself I don’t entertain bullshit

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Like yes people have emotions other than you, grow the fuck up and act like an adult.

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Im not the only one who is pissed with this man either like my old coworkers who he still works with saw me today and was talking about how he has been just an asshole and blatantly not caring about his job or anyone’s feelings

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And he has been drinking a lot and smoking hella weed all the time, like this isn’t euphoria dude you have issues

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But nooo go ahead and ignore me and hang out with people that openly boost ur fucking alcohol addiction. Just end up like your parents.

silent blaze
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That man acts like I won’t beat his ass like I have nothing to lose so why wouldn’t I

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My god I legit cannot stand seeing his face so I never look at him, and when I do I can’t fix my face

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I liked him so much I thought I was in love with him but now everything around him looks stupid, he looks stupid

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I cannot stand a man that acts clueless when it’s convenient, you know damn well that I know how you act

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and guess what

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I’m still in love with him unfortunately so who is the stupid person

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FORTUNATELY THO i have some self respect left and will maintain distance because I don’t want anything to do with him any mode

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I can love someone from a distance, i’m sure this will go away some time.

silent blaze
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I need to start being frequent here cuz i dont journal anywhere else but here

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But uh yeah I worked 2-11 pm today and it was decent. I avoided that dumbfuck all day and I think he is surprised that I can be worse than he is

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Like how tf are you going to act all mad huffing and puffing and being disrespectful to my friend because you have anger issues. Gtfo

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Dont be surprised when I don’t give you the time of day and i’m not going to help ur goofy self with anything, if u want shit done do it yourself since u complain so much

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And we have this thing called “heard” where we say that when acknowledging something someone says or acknowledging call backs about missing food or holding (waiting on) food to send out. And this dumbfuck doesn’t say heard and got surprised when I walked all the away across the kitchen to get a heard from him

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But when all of a sudden we are holding on food he gets pissed because nobody told him anything like I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES OPEN UR EARS

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Also they like wrote on my areas of improvement at work about making sure I call back to the kitchen people about how much food I need but I do, they don’t fucking hear me.

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And i’m not quiet at all, I scream that shit. So why am I not getting a heard or any acknowledgment? My friend says she walks back and asks if they heard me so i’ve been doing that

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Anywho that’s my complaint of the day

silent blaze
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What should i do today

silent blaze
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Update I played games all day

silent blaze
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Started from the bottom now im here

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silent blaze
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Thought about this just now while thinking about how I felt earlier. I was playing games and got impending doom and felt like “what is the reason we do anything, why don’t I just kill myself right now” i just thought like why would anyone rather be alive

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BUT

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giving it some thought I realized that having the capacity to feel all these feelings to me is a blessing. Those who are dead don’t know how it feels to walk on the beach listening to music, or coming home after work and having family time.

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Of course life kind of feels like shit all the time now but I hold onto those small things because that is all I have.

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And no matter how bad my life gets, the good times always outweigh the bad

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I’m glad I’m alive to listen to music right now, i’m actually kind of glad i’m alive right now typing this because I know i’ll look back and feel reassured by this

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But yeah random thoughts before I go to bed. The average Tame Impala listening experience brings this out of me.

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Also i’m buying a car soon. Pretty sure it’ll be either a nissan or mazda.

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I wanted a kia soul because it looks so stupid and I like that but it isn’t reliable of course

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ORRR I saw a Hyundai Elantra and I think it is pretty and perfect size. I dont want a big ass car.

silent blaze
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I’m going to start reading the Bible simply because i’m curious. I’ve read it before as I’ve grown up Christian but I have a horrific memory and I’ve forgotten everything other than the whole King Solomon story.

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I want to be able to go into the book open minded even though i’m very adamant on my beliefs. I think it’d be an amazing learning experience rather than reading to change my beliefs

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I am the person who cannot commit to any religion other than Agnostic because not a single religion has hard evidence of being true. I cannot devote myself to something in which has yet to be proven.

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But I do kind of believe in the concept of if their is a God it makes sense on why they wouldn’t show themselves

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Anywho im going to sleep because I have errands to run all day tomorrow lucky me pepemad

silent blaze
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Bru my stomach bubbling like a Bitchhhhh that icee coffee done fucked me up

silent blaze
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Not a fucking car crashing into my old job like 20 minutes after I got done shopping there

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LMAO my friend sent me this and I legit thought it was AI

silent blaze
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i never feel happy. I wake up and i’m just there I guess. I get random bursts of joy and it goes away like 2 seconds later and i’m back to being miserable.

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I don’t have the energy to even do little things. I want to sleep all of the time.

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My anxiety is so bad it convinces me to end my life every single day and won’t go away until I distract myself. Even then it comes back in between.

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I don’t want to cry or laugh or eat or anything. I just want to sit down and waste away in my bed. That is really the only option I have at this point.

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Even still I keep thinking to myself I have things to live for but every day it seems like those reasons become less and less important

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I dont feel sad or scared about suicide anymore, I think of it as an option to end my suffering

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Because what I’m going through truly is the worst suffering i’ve ever dealt with. Even when I got sexually assaulted I never felt this pain

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But oh well I doubt I’ll actually kill myself any time soon unless I get worse.

silent blaze
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i feel like smoking cigs because they make me feel better. At this point i dont care if I get addicted because it’s either that or me ending up killing myself

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i mourn the life I had before I became ruined. I look back at all my old pictures and just cry because I wont be that girl again

silent blaze
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I noticed that when I looked him in the eyes today that I felt nothing.

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So guess what I no longer like anyone

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Im actually proud of myself for getting over that sack of shit

silent blaze
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Tattoo i got today

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Well im mid tattoo rn

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Im adding pink tho to the petals

silent blaze
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It looks so good im just smiling and staring at my tattoo every couple minutes

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Spent a fat check on it too

silent blaze
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Sometimes I feel so good it’s like I leave my body for a second and i’m someone else

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Then it comes crashing down and i’m back to where I started

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Sometimes I can’t breathe without hitting my chest because i’m scared my heart will stop beating

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Or i’ll look around my room or wherever i’m at and suddenly everything isn’t real, tunnel vision.

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And sometimes it’ll happen all at once. I’m high off of life with a false feeling of happiness but I feel anger, sadness, scared, and disgusted all at once. I think if people felt that just once then they’d understand why people kill themselves.

silver sierra
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I dont have the crash, i kinda of just snap back to reality and move on

silent blaze
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Do you wish you were normal? Like so badly you want to rip away at your skin and change who you are?

silent blaze
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Im ngl I was talking to my mom about how Kurt Cobain legit saved my life during severe manic episode and I just started crying bro

silver sierra
silent blaze
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Because he did save me. I remember waking up back to feeling that severe despair and I thought about killing myself seriously right then and there. But I looked at my posters and I felt happy for that moment. I looked at him and remembered that what I was going through, he also went through. And although he is dead he still manages to save people

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
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But yes for the first time in a couple months my heart fees calm. It’ll probably go away but it feels like how I was before.

silver sierra
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Whenever u find peace, it is time for improvement

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Who cares if things will get worse? Live the moment, don’t expect the future

silent blaze
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I noticed I feel normal again, and im so happy.

silver sierra
silent blaze
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Its crazy after a manic episode I have to relearn how to be normal and like remember how I acted before

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Is it weird that my memory is legit fucked after that stuff?

silver sierra
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Ill be here

silent blaze
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I still feel despair and like life doesnt matter pretty much all of the time everyday.

silver sierra
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Top 1 choice here is meditation

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Ur definitely not going outside or socializing

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So id pick that

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Like 3-5 mins of meditation

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Max

silent blaze
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I go to work and I hang with friends but when I do my head starts racing about how im gonna be miserable

silver sierra
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Meditation will make this better

silent blaze
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And the worst part of this all is I constantly have the fear of never being able to get rid of the despair

silver sierra
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Or remove it (though it will take time)

silver sierra
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For some time

silent blaze
silver sierra
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Like just sit on a flat surface

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Close ur eyes

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And breathe slowly for 3-5 mins

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This will help lots

silent blaze
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Okayy I will try when i’m home. I wish I could be normal like I did before my manic episode

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It was my first one and it was caused from weed withdrawal

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Will I ever be able to stop feeling despair every day?

silent blaze
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But that is definitely a good idea imm start meditating daily maybe watch some yt videos about it

silver sierra
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Bipolar disorder doesnt make u differenr

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It is just how ur brain works

silent blaze
silver sierra
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Cant tell you you shouldnt be scared

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Would be straight lying

silent blaze
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And if It doesn’t then I don’t think i’ll be alive for much longer

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Anyone would understand that

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Even while im with my family right now I feel sick to my stomach

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I really want to die so I wont have to feel so horribly. It’s selfish of me but it’s very painful

silver sierra
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Get home

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Ground yourself

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By naming a few thind

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Things

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Meditate

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For 3-5 mins

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Then chill and we can talk more

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
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hope ur doing good 🙂

silent blaze
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Pretty sure i let my thoughts go deeper and deeper then i panicked which happens a lot

silver sierra
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I mean I cant fucking stop you from spiraling

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You want things to get better

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You know your ways 🙂

silent blaze
silver sierra
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that shit is like a miracle

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though i have zero patience to meditate

silent blaze
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For around 10 minutes I just did some deep breathing and I felt calm my heart wasnt beating like crazy

silver sierra
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my eyes start getting twitchy and i go like " fuck this "

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but i do feel calmer

silent blaze
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LMAOO nahhh i have to force myself to do shit a lot of the time so i completely get it

silver sierra
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which is bad

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bc its 11 PM and i got school tmr

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and i know i wont get enough damn sleep

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but if im like this ill go through fine with like 3 hours of sleep

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or 2

silent blaze
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Ur gonna frl regret it when u wake up and ur tired asf

silver sierra
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I can get like 4 and be fine

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Trust

silent blaze
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I lowkirk went to sleep when u typed srry

silent blaze
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This is weird I woke up panicking at 6am because I had a dream about a red spider like crawling on me. I go downstairs to see my mom and she said the same shit

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She woke up AT 6AM dreaming about a red spider

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what the helly is happening

silver sierra
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Imagine in the end it were actual things you were seeing blurrycry

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But im confident thats not the case

silent blaze
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typically after i have an episode and sleep I wake up in a kind of delirious state and panic

silver sierra
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i feel terrible abt everythingg now 😭

silver sierra
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bro i just found out Fezco's actor died in 2023

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😭 i was so excited to see him in season 3, hopefully he did act some more for season 3

silent blaze
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ALSO I WAS SO SADDD

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He reminded me so much of Mac Miller and for him to die I really felt sad

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Alsooo I didn’t recognize how much i’ve changed from when I went crazy to now. I used to always watch my mouth in fear i’d be mean but now its totally different yk?

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I say exactly what I want. I noticed men around me get annoyed with it a lot but it just makes me want to do it more

silent blaze
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bro this guys liked me for years omg I feel like shit

silent blaze
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Letting go of my old best friend has hurt so badly

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I’ve doubted myself this whole time I just cannot do so any longer.

silent blaze
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I wish i never knew him

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Because now i’ll never forget him

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Even when I’ve blocked him on all my socials and told him to never contact me again, I still hurt so badly

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And I know he isn’t hurting at all over me, why do I wish he was?

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I wish that whenever he hears my favorite song, he’ll think of me. I wish that whenever he feels sad he’ll remember me and regret what happened.

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Every single time he’s with his other friends I hope he is wishing that he could go back to me. I want him to hurt just like I’ve hurt

silent blaze
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Im still recovering even when I think i’m better. I have these thoughts that run through my head everyday and it’s the same thing, “what do you have to live for, why dont you just die.” Sometimes I deny those feelings and sometimes I accept them

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But I wish I never thought those feelings at all

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That’s why it’s so important to be busy and have no time to sit and be bored because that causes you to think about life. And when you think about life it often leads to bad thoughts

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I know I have a future ahead of me with college and stuff like that but i’m still mentally recovering so my depression makes me think nothing will work out for me

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I keep telling myself i’ve already hit the rock bottom and that it’ll only go up from here. But what if I haven’t really hit rock bottom? What if I end up back at square one and I have to fight for my life again. I wont be able to survive it again.

silver sierra
silent blaze
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Wise turtle

silver sierra
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@silent blaze im gonna try to impress my crush even though she already showed she doesnt like me 🙏 wish me luck. Also how ur doing? Just wanted to start a convo

silent blaze
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And im doing fine, have to talk with my psych because I still get that impending doom and despair feeling pretty much everyday but it’s a LOT more manageable than before

silent blaze
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I bought a nintendo and it comes today imma play animal crossing and tomodachi life and EVERYTHING im so excited

silver sierra
silent blaze
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Okay apparently i cant say donald dump

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But I added him to my tomodachi island along with courtney love so this’ll be exciting

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I want a donald x elon x obama love triangle hopefully

silver sierra
silent blaze
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oh shit i was out here typing then i saw u

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now im embarrassed

silver sierra
silent blaze
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does anyone have a fear of being too happy because it’ll end at some point. I get panic attacks after going out because 1. I’m worried i’ll never be able to get rid of this feeling and 2. I don’t want to be happy if it means i’ll suffer

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Had a panic attack today because of this exact reason. It happens pretty much all of the times I go out, whether it’s a small panic attack or a huge depersonalization attack like I had today

silver sierra
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but because you prepare yourself to not be

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yeah you will be tired after ur happy

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but you dont have to be sad

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or else you will continue to have these

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if you keep thinking that way

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get my vision?

silent blaze
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I know it’s just I dont know how to stop myself from thinking this way

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I legit fucking hate being in a useless body like this

silver sierra
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its not a thought you have

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its intrusive

silver sierra
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we are all useful one way or another, or god wouldnt have created us, and I say this for every single thing in this Universe, not just humans

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We all have an importance

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But that doesnt mean we cant be blinded

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also if u dont want me to mention god just lmk

silent blaze
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Its fine I’ve been becoming more religious as it’s helped me calm myself down a lot

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I just pray i’ll stop having panic attacks

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My mother told me that they become easier and easier the more you have and i feel like that’s true but I still hate having them

silver sierra
#

How is it going?

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

i felt a bit better after muting my crush's notes etc because i started to become obsessed

#

so im tryna stop

#

wbu

silent blaze
#

But yeah I drank caffeine today and it makes me really freaking mentally fucked because I get hyper then crash down quickly at the end of the day. Just feels like one of those days where I’m not in touch with reality. Nothing incredibly difficult just uncomfortable

silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

by that i mean heart pounding, sweating, restlessness, racing thoughts, irritation

silver sierra
#

especially if you know they will say no

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Okay that makes complete sense i understand

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

You really are very situationally aware yk? That’s very diffcult

silver sierra
#

like being obsessed and delusional is fine as long as it doesnt cause stress for you or the others

silver sierra
#

but its just really my personality

silent blaze
#

Overthinking habit?

silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

actually before i started i was at my baseline in life

#

i was feeling well and moving on easily

silent blaze
#

And if I speak to much about myself plz lmk i hate doing that

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Or at all actually

silver sierra
#

because of my self awareness I ALWAYS know when I like someone

#

and when they like me back

#

I never had this feeling with this girl, but I cant move on subconsciously

#

So its like I always think about them, but at the same time I know I dont really like them and they dont like me either

#

Its hard to explain

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

crushes are selected by ur brain, not u

#

well ofc you also play a part in liking the person

#

but big part of it is chemical

#

and based on physical language and appearance

#

since literally my hair is just like hers

#

and general physical language as well

#

(i had to watch vids abt this)

silent blaze
#

No wonder I’m drawn to the most weirdest people ever, I need a lobotomy or something im so done

silent blaze
#

Yay today was bad again. How come i’ve quit my old job but i’m still at the middle of all the conversation. As soon as I leave they tell my best friend a bunch of lies to make me the bad person. Mind you, this all happened because I reported a higher up for legitimately harassing me and being aggressive to the point I didn’t feel safe.

silent blaze
#

Today has been the best day since I first started having panic attacks

#

I was able to go outside without feeling completely overwhelmed and depressed.

silver sierra
#

today was also the first time i was able to go and buy things for myself all on my on, so we are on the same boat Yummers

silent blaze
#

we will get better for real

silver sierra
#

honestly that crush really helped push me towards better things in life

#

yeah i dont even like them as much, but i have become much more religious and hopeful that things are getting better

#

hopefully for you as well, things are also getting better

#

even if slowly, even if it has downs

silent blaze
silent blaze
#

when my stepdad loses every job by quitting or getting fired so now we’re solely relying on my job and he keeps saying “I’m not on my meds, i cant get a job because of my mental health.” He sure does seem content and happy not doing a damn thing everyday knowing we are all broke. Dont know what the fuck he’s going to do when I leave for college

silver sierra
#

They are your dad, but not a burden

silent blaze
#

Now they’re talking and i’m trying my best not to scream at him because he knows damn well my mother is disabled and she is the only person taking care of our family

silent blaze
silver sierra
silver sierra
silent blaze
#

my mother tells him she wants to die because we’re broke, and here he is saying “me too,” this isn’t about you asshole

silver sierra
#

And that things arent looking good, but ur choosing to keep moving

#

Things may get worse, but they will also get better ❤️

silent blaze
#

It will definitely get worse, i’m gonna kick his ass someday for hurting my mother

#

Everything is always about him, we’d get money and he spends it all on weed and cigarettes and fucking monster but when my mom orders pop for herself all of a sudden she’s draining out assets.

silent blaze
#

Bru people think I do to much at work and it’s legit only cuz all the jobs i’ve had before were incredibly hard and I had to legit work like a dog 24/7

#

Completely random but I want a child so bad omfg

#

Obviously I won’t have one anytime soon, i’m waiting till i’m older and stable

#

But like being someone’s whole world sounds amazing. And having someone who looks like me and acts like me would be so cool

silent blaze
#

Also finally i’m back to my normal depression thank god

#

I’d take the constant negative thoughts over panic attacks, manic episodes, and constant derealization/depersonalization

#

I’ve only had a manic episode about one time though and it was very strangely uncomfortable. I was like super energized but like it felt so abnormal yk?

#

I used to be unable to be in a dark room or be alone because i’d have panic attacks but GUESS WHAT! I’m doing both right now and i’m just fine

#

The thing that has helped me the most so far is the thought of “everything ends at some point so why stress about everything”

silver sierra
#

Actually they dont feel natural for the person, but you end up losing that insight when ur manic/hypomanic (while hypomanic people do have that insight some of the time)

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Mania is just

#

Another thing

silver sierra
#

Its like u dont care

silent blaze
#

I did whatever I wanted too like I get embarrassed thinking about it

silver sierra
#

Tbh

#

U be saying shit you swore you’d never tell a soul

#

Or just oversharing and bullshitting in general

#

I cant even know what these scenarios look like because its super awkward instead of tense like movie mania

silent blaze
#

me when i’d lie to my friends about completely irrelevant shit because I was too lazy to say otherwise, then I end up in a stupid situation because of that lie.

silver sierra
#

In euphoria thats what rue does when she is manic

#

Like exactly

#

No wonder why people say its an accurate depiction of mania even if exaggerated a bit

silent blaze
#

oh dang embarraz

silver sierra
#

I just do stupid shit and my friends talk about it for the rest of the month

silent blaze
#

I also partied a lot but that is like kind of hard to remember because of how bad it was

silver sierra
#

Like my airpods fell and i said they fell for you to the girl who picked it up

#

It was meant to be funny for us and the girl

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

But we just stared at each other

#

And after school she was like staring mad at me

#

I was scared

silver sierra
#

In hoco i remember it was the best

silent blaze
#

Like just a regular party?

silver sierra
#

Im never the life of the party but im always in the crowd

silver sierra
#

Like the mob typa thing

#

I cant go too far into what was happening in the middle of the crowd because it wasnt appropriate

#

But ye

silent blaze
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

I dont wanna black out

silent blaze
#

Good idea, never switch up because of what other people are doing. Dont wanna sound like a mom or anything and i’m sure you already know but just in case

silver sierra
#

Never doing opioids ever too

#

From like everything i know abt them

#

Its never a good path

silent blaze
#

Ohhh yeah that isn’t good at all. There was a single time I took heroin (not the needles just like through the nose) and it felt really good so I knew I couldn’t take it again

silver sierra
#

Honestly im a chud tho cause the hardest shit ive taken is caffeine blurrycry

silver sierra
#

Like i have a deep fear of needles where you need to inject it

silent blaze
#

Yeah luckily I never took that because i’d be scared i’d get like a serious infection and lose an arm or something. Not good for the paranoid

silver sierra
#

I would say 2c-b is the best party drug but its hard to find and expensive

#

Its like the perfect drug because it gives all the good feels with minimal side effects

silent blaze
#

Is that like similar to ecstasy?

silver sierra
#

Its like ecstasy and lsd

#

More to the ecstasy side

silent blaze
#

Ohhh okay, im learning hMM

silver sierra
#

Bro i hate this kid that smokes weed in my bio

#

He took a puff and let it out right on my face

#

I was lowk scared cause what if they think im smoking

silent blaze
#

Oh hell no, that’d piss me off

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Tell them you aren’t, you don’t owe them an explanation anyways

silver sierra
#

Only reason i didnt beat their ass is because I thought it was funny at first

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
#

was he joking? Even then i’d be furious

silver sierra
#

It was a serious punch

silent blaze
#

Man don’t let him do that to you

silver sierra
#

I would have strangled him bc im not good with boxing

#

Anywayyy

silent blaze
#

Caveman type of response pepemad

silver sierra
#

My friend had already been pissing him off the whole class

#

I made one commet

#

Comment

#

Next time it happens im getting suspended bc they aint getting a pass

silent blaze
#

You got this, life is too short to let assholes mess with you

#

Be careful though salute

silver sierra
#

Ofc i wont hurt him bad

#

Ill js throw some punches and stand my ground

silent blaze
#

I was just thinking about how fun it is to talk with you

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

We seem kind of similar but kind of not, like a balance

silver sierra
#

I saw my crush walking all happy with my friend

#

By all means, that friend of mine has no purpose to be around her

#

So ik something is up

#

But instead of jealousy i felt happy i didnt have to chase her anymore

silent blaze
#

Talk with him, that’d be insane if he has something going on with her knowing how u feel

silver sierra
#

And im fine with it

#

Truly

#

Ive been wanting to not like her for a while

#

I js know he isnt an asshole and neither is she so let them be

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

I feel jealous when i see her with another men online

#

Like pics yk

#

Honestly i shouldnt worry that much anymore

silent blaze
#

Oh I know, is it that possibility that she might like you that makes things difficult?

silver sierra
#

Like i felt so relieved cause today she complimented my haircut

#

(Which i know was ironic cause the cut aint it)

silent blaze
#

Well of course you’d think about not wanting to worry anymore but that won’t happen unless you get confirmation or wait it out.

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

This sounds not fun but the only way I was ever able to forget that love I had for someone was being shut down by them.

silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

It would be so awkward

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

It’d be awkward but what’s worse ? Being hurt constantly by the unknown feelings or just feeling awkward in class.

silver sierra
#

Trust me

silent blaze
#

TRUST ME I KNOW MOST OF ALL

silver sierra
#

Honestly by who she is she would just not make a big deal out of it but would avoid me

silent blaze
#

ur probably right but it’s more draining thinking of her 24/7.

silver sierra
#

But the thing is

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

So what makes the situation so difficult for you?

silver sierra
#

Honestly i worry if someone is in the same situation as me but they have feelings for me

silver sierra
#

Idc if im rejected

silent blaze
# silver sierra Fear of humiliation

This sounds easier said than done but like, humiliation to me is more of a self inflicted. Like I get put down 24/7 by countless people around me but it never really is humiliation because I have strong belief in myself

#

I can’t be humiliated if I just ignore the humiliation or embarrassment

silver sierra
#

Because imagine the person you love humiliating you

#

And your friends because they are her friends

#

Only one of my friends knows i like her

silent blaze
#

I’d grow to resent her, that would be easier than loving her

silver sierra
#

Ill be honest

silent blaze
#

When he humiliated me like that in front of everyone countless times my love went away for him and became anger.

silver sierra
#

I dont wanna like them

#

But my brain is deep in love

silent blaze
#

That’s why even though you’re scared of humiliation I would talk to her anyways. I hurt me so badly to be around the man I loved because that small chance of him liking me back ate away at me. I told him, he avoided me. He told others around me and I felt like shit for a moment, then all of a sudden my “love” for him felt different. He was no longer special to me

#

But again our circumstances are different

silver sierra
#

And I could risk having more than one person avoid me

#

Its like

#

Complex

silent blaze
#

Hmmm you’d have no way to avoid them either would you?

silver sierra
#

Honestly if I still like them by the end of the year ill confess

silver sierra
#

And I hate the other classes I would have to switch to

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

I hopefully will lose feelings

#

I could help him get with her, if they arent already together

silent blaze
#

That’d work maybe, wait do you even know if she genuinely doesn’t like you?

silver sierra
#

Rarely means interest

silent blaze
#

Im sure you probably have

silver sierra
#

I even went on a trip with her

#

Stayed in her group because ofc my friends were in it

#

thats when i got to like them, familiarity

silent blaze
#

So how much do you guys really even talk, it’d be hard for her to form an opinion of you based off occasional talk

silver sierra
#

I just see them and occasionally talk

#

Thats why i know its not real

#

Bc they would try to talk more eventually yk

silent blaze
#

But you can try and make it real, it takes two people to become closer. It can’t be just them pushing forward and talking more, I bet that’s what they’d expect of you.

silver sierra
#

Back to my point

#

She looks romantically attracted to my friend

#

Like as a friend you can always see it

silent blaze
#

Oh, so you’re gonna try and get them connected?

silver sierra
#

Ive never wrongly guessed a girl liked my friend

silver sierra
#

If I cant, at least they can be happy

silent blaze
#

You can always be happy don’t say that, this won’t last forever

silver sierra
#

Ok now when u said that it made me think im depressed

#

But ur right

silent blaze
#

I get it. Love feels like it’ll last forever, just for it to wither away

#

Okay that sounds weird

#

Strong love between people can always be maintained, but one sided love will eventually go away

silver sierra
#

Actually most crushes are one sided

#

A study showed

silent blaze
#

Haha why am I not surprised pepemad

#

So fucking tired of crushes, I want to be asexual

silver sierra
#

Thats why its always the “wrong people” having a crush on you

#

Because its one sided

silent blaze
#

Or the reverse, me always having crushes on the wrong people

#

Lord have mercy the weirdest guy ever has a crush in me and I can’t do anything because I don’t want to hurt him

#

stopp omg he tries to act cool sometimes. We are very similar, I say very weird things a lot but he tries to act like that too and impress me. That may sound crazy but I KNOW HE IS DOING THAT

silver sierra
#

For our crushes

#

We are that person

#

That weird guy

#

The wrong person

#

Yk

#

It makes me sad

silent blaze
#

Oh shit ur probably right

silver sierra
#

The chances that ur crush knows u like them are high if its one sided

silent blaze
#

That sucks, there are tons of people I can love that would like me back someday

silver sierra
#

Cause i always know when a girl liked me

#

Its just nobody wants to make a first move because of the humiliation

#

Like my crush could like me all they want but still

#

Honestly I hope she and my friend are already dating

silent blaze
#

That seems really painful

#

You’ll be happy too

#

Remember we said we’ll get better salute

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Not sure

#

But im sure i will after a while

silent blaze
#

Im crying cuz im gonna miss my mother so much in college

#

I hate being adult only because I have to be away from my mother

#

Idec about anyone else just her. Im going to college completely because I want to buy a place for us to live at away from everyone

#

I miss being a kid and thinking graduation was so far away, thinking I’d have all the time in the world to stay with my mom

silver sierra
#

Im almost done with freshman year then ill have only 3 years left

#

Which is not a small amount, but not big

#

I will def miss as much as you and ur right for missing them

#

But you will get through it

silent blaze
#

Now i feel like super unc

silver sierra
silver sierra
#

You were a freshman jus like me a few years ago

#

Bro i hate ants

silent blaze
#

Nahh freshman year is just the start I remember being totally different

silver sierra
#

They show up in my room for no reason, not where its dirty, just on a random corner

silver sierra
#

Sophomore and Junior are the best from what i see

#

Well ill get to see

silent blaze
#

Junior year is probably the worst fucking year of school ever

#

It’s the most amount of work

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

And a lot of the time with all that work we all stress and its really a test for friendships. Could be different tho

silver sierra
#

Freshman is the only year where u dont have to think “what will I do after high school?”

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Summer before junior year is so peak tho

silver sierra
#

But if my calculations are right i can bring it to a 3.8 by the end of the year

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

So not rlly

#

2.3 is an exaggeration

#

Like a 2.9

silent blaze
#

Yes really? You could be doing horrible but you aren’t.

silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Ill prob end with a 3.80 gpa for freshman year

silent blaze
#

Wrong emojis

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Hmm do you have like standardized tests you have to take?

silver sierra
#

Bro my friend got me obsessed with Bad Bunny

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

I know junior year people are required to do ACT and SAT is like whatever

silver sierra
#

We dont do sat in my school

silent blaze
#

Howd u do?

silver sierra
#

Idk

#

Prob decent

#

It wasnt super hard

#

I have my AP exam next week tho

#

And i have a C

silent blaze
#

I wouldn’t worry about it salute

silver sierra
#

Its bc other people worry

#

And also if i dont have all Cs or above i cant go back to jrotc

#

And i have two Ds with one almost being an F

silent blaze
#

Well yeah, it depends on what you’d be doing after school. Act’s and Sat’s are pretty damn important but like it’s just pre act so its whatever

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Hmmm, if you need extra time with assignments do you think asking the teacher would be alright?

silver sierra
#

When im at home i cant do school stuff

#

Lost the habit and it feels like hours of exercise doing one piece of hw, so I either js forget or dont do it

silent blaze
#

What about study hall?

#

I completely understand that homework stuff better than you’d realize actually. I got most of my work done in study hall or like whenever I had a bit of time in a class.

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

What about that period of time when one grade is at lunch, what do you do during that time?

silver sierra
silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Honestly i could do my work, but thats the only time i see my close friends for longer than 10 mins throughout the day

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Confused. Usually there are like halls that go to lunch. Like group A, B, and C. Then whenever those halls are at lunch, typically that period of time is used to study.

silver sierra
#

Honestly I have an intense urge to vacuum my bedroom cause of the ants

#

But its 10:30 PM

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

But I hate their presence

silver sierra
#

I have the feeling i can pull an all nighter, but watch me go to sleep at 12 AM

#

And not be able to function for tmr

silent blaze
#

You have school tomorrow so hMM

silver sierra
#

Today i had like 7 hours of sleep

#

And i already noticed that i was a bit slow

#

Like ofc i didnt feel tired

#

But not fully energized

silent blaze
#

Yeah honestly 7 hours probably isnt enough

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

like for me I have to have like 13-14 hours of sleep or else i’m like a zombie

silver sierra
silver sierra
#

Honestly i had these days where i had like 7-6 hours of sleep every night

#

Worst days of my life

#

Like mood instability, distracted, weak, irritated

silent blaze
#

Yeah that sounds horrid

#

But yeah i slept for like 15 hours today. I’m usually tired whenever I wake up too, I’m never like refreshed

silver sierra
#

But then suddenly I started sleeping normally and even going out running

#

Then we are here

silent blaze
#

Have you been diagnosed with anything? Just curious

silver sierra
#

About GAD and PDD

#

PDD is basically constant mild depression

silent blaze
#

Oh hmm

#

Do you feel like you have depression?

#

Stupid question just curious

silver sierra
#

Honestly depression I never considered

#

Ive never truly lacked motivation or had persistent low mood

silent blaze
#

Oh wow

silver sierra
#

However

#

I also have just not episodic

silent blaze
#

Do you find like learning about mental illness to be interesting?

silver sierra
#

And its less intense

silver sierra
#

So uh

#

Ask me anything ill know it

silent blaze
#

Oh hm. Sounds like my mother

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

She legit knows everything about mental health so whenever I talk with her she knows even before my psych says anything

silver sierra
#

Anxiety and Mood Disorders are my thing

#

I also studied learning disabilities a lot

#

And substances

silent blaze
#

Now i feel kind of silly because i’m going to college for social work and psychology but I never really went out of my way to research that stuff. I really only help others based off what I have gone through

silver sierra
#

Every time I look at ur pfp I think its a fish

silent blaze
#

LMAOOO it’s my queen courtney love Yummers

silver sierra
#

Next year

silent blaze
#

Ayy it’ll be fun

silver sierra
#

So ill be doing college freshman work before u

#

Haha

silent blaze
#

HEY pepemad i took college credit

silver sierra
#

Tbh

#

All of my cousins have ADHD, or like majority

#

So thats why i am interested in mental health

#

So like my 21 year old cousin has an obedience disorder and acts like a 13 year old constantly

silent blaze
#

That makes sense. Pretty much the same for me. Almost everyone in my family is autistic and has mental health issues. It’s really crazy

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

I also think one of my cousins are bipolar

#

Cause they used to talk about having peaks

#

And staying the whole night awake doing random bs

#

Not sure

#

Also my mom was diagnosed with clinical depression as well

silent blaze
#

Its weird because I look back on how I’ve been my entire life dealing with mental illness and i just pity myself in a way. Its not good

silver sierra
#

So like i have a tendency for mood disorders, learning disabilities and yeah

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

But depression works like bipolar

#

Its also genetic

silent blaze
#

Yep yep I know that

#

Its good she has recovered thats amazing Joy

silver sierra
#

Yeah

#

Honestly my therapist thinks I hate them

#

Last two sessions were 10-20 mins long cause i jus wasnt in the mood

silent blaze
#

Why would she think that?

silver sierra
#

(Instead of an hour)

silver sierra
#

Last time I talked to them they asked to talk to my mom

#

My mom said my therapist is coming with a different approach, because I never do what she asks me, dont practice coping mechanisms and dont analyze my mood

#

And i dont lie abt why tho

#

Cause i forget and dont care

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Holy im typing so much

#

Mb

silent blaze
#

DONT WORRY ABOUT ITT

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

I went through the same thing actually. It’s really funny because I went to group therapy but like I never once told them how I really felt

silver sierra
#

Honestly I could be in the best mood ever ill never be able to jump out of bed

#

Like ill lay down awake for a few mins just to go through my phone

silent blaze
#

If it makes you happy then it shouldn’t be something bad

silver sierra
#

Yeah

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Whatever it takes to preserve that happiness then nothing else should matter

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Big words Shook

silver sierra
#

Would you rather take risks for happiness

#

Or plan things

#

For happiness

silent blaze
#

Risks 100%

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

I suck at planning, it wouldn’t work for me

silver sierra
#

Im js not impulsive like others

#

Ill like think to myself “i shouldnt be doing this or i shouldnt buy this”

#

Then an instant later ill go and do it

#

Like the amount of times ive wanted to just like yell in the middle of a crowd these past days

#

Like in a funny way

#

Ok i might be typing to much even my body cant keep up

#

Like i can feel my heartbeat blurrycry

silent blaze
#

Dont worry about it, why are u stressing over how much you’re typing??

#

Im just reading

silent blaze
silver sierra
silver sierra
#

I just wanna do it cause it sounds fun

#

But i would be so embarrassed

silent blaze
#

Oh so you’re just impulsive? That isnt a bad thing

silver sierra
#

I am, but not

#

Like i dont give it second thought but dont act up on it

#

Unless

#

Its with my friends

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Im like the most average person you would meet

#

Hold

#

Ts lowk sound depressing

#

But its true

silent blaze
#

Doesn’t sound depressing. Sounds nice

silver sierra
#

Ok i gotta like calm myself down cause my phone is keeping me up blurrycry

silver sierra
#

But being different is better than average

#

Always

silent blaze
#

I would love to be average

#

That is just me being biased

silver sierra
#

Ok so

silent blaze
#

I’m pretty normal actually compared to my family

silver sierra
#

Kanye west is stuck in my head

silver sierra
#

Ur not wrong

#

Honestly out of all bipolar people ive met

#

You are very grounded

#

And responsible

#

Also with adhd

#

Like as a whole

silent blaze
#

REALLY? Toast

silver sierra
#

Honestly we gotta stop using labels

silver sierra
#

Everyone with bipolar I that i met is a hard drug addict with no future or family

#

Not to be mean to them, but its sad

#

Like ive been told

#

“ the only thing that makes me happy at this point is being manic “

#

“ but even then, its not real happiness “

#

You probably said this before

#

Or thought abt kt

#

But ye

silent blaze
#

Maybe. I dont really remember a whole lot from being manic.

#

I think the reason I’m able to be grounded is probably my mother

silver sierra
#

Like not even the deepest depression will make you hate your mom truly

silent blaze
#

She is my bestest friend

silver sierra
#

I hate that I get pissed off at my mom easily

#

I instantly regret every time but I cant control it sometimes

#

Pmo yk

silent blaze
#

I understand. I’m the same way, she knows how I act and doesn’t hold it against me

#

And you’re still young so dont worry too much

silver sierra
#

I dont blame myself

#

Its just atm

#

It was great talking to u but I believe u really want to sleep rn

silent blaze
#

Eh I guess I should since work and stuff

#

GOODNIGHT I HOPE UR DAY IS AMAZING TOMORROW huddlekittywave

silver sierra
#

Bro my gmail might have been hacked the password doesnt go in

#

Ah fucki

#

I said i would go

#

Bye!! Yummers Yummers

silver sierra
#

hope ur doing good today! Last night it seemed you were doing good

silent blaze
#

HOW ABOUT YOUU?

silver sierra
#

Heyy

#

I had therapy

#

It was fun

silent blaze
#

And omfg the guy who likes me is so fucking obvious. I feel horrid ignoring him so I try and type, but like I get turned off so badlyyy

silver sierra
#

Makes it sad for when we have one

silent blaze
#

Im ngl not everyone knows when people have a crush on them

#

Sometimes people crush on those they legit don’t talk to at all, so how can somebody know

#

BRUH HE LOW KEY JUST INVITED HIMSELF TO MY PROM WTF

#

no sir i’m not going with you ahem i’m going with my bsf

silver sierra
#

I was talking nonstop

#

I wasnt even anxious but i was like soo agitated

#

I lit spent 10 mins just telling her how my fingers felt tingly once then i felt different after

silent blaze
#

Why did my ex bsf show up at my house to talk

#

Like omfg

silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Im still so hurt

#

But in the same way when he showed up I felt like crying because I had missed him too

#

I already knew I’d never stop loving him

#

I kind of gave up on everything when we stopped being friends. I’d go to work then bed-rot cuz I’m depressed obviously. There isn’t a time where i’m not depressed and ready to kms hMM

#

But im not going to kms at least not soon. If I ever go through that crazy episode again idk if ill be able to live ngl.

silver sierra
#

Its like terrible

silver sierra
#

And also episodes are crazy because of stress

#

Once life starts building up

#

You stabilize

#

Please get therapy

#

And watch things cool down even though you will still have episodes

silent blaze
#

I KNOWW i dont know why I’m not seeing a therapist

silver sierra
#

You know u need it

#

But at the same time

#

How tf are we getting there

#

When u go to college thats ur best go

#

Go to like the college’s psychologist or counselor

#

And ask for references

#

Or help finding one

#

They will definitely do smth

#

Also im wearing my glasses in which i dont usually do

#

I usually wear them when im energetic cause thats the only time i feel confident having them on

#

Also tdy for me was terrible

silent blaze
#

I didnt even think of that

silver sierra
#

Got humiliated twice

silent blaze
#

Oh what happened?huddlehug2

silver sierra
#

Then this kid tried to press me for play fighting with my friend and my friend sided with them because its their best friend

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Hes super hot headed

#

Next year we have a chill teacher but I despise this one

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Its js because there isnt anyone else that im as close with in that class

#

So i have to stick to that

silver sierra
#

I didnt even tell the whole story, but telling it makes me tired

#

Because its so stupid

silent blaze
silver sierra
#

Also yesterday i had good sleep

#

Prob 7 hours

silver sierra
#

But i dont know them like that

silent blaze
#

AYYY it seemed like u needed a good rest

silver sierra
#

Also question cause u mentioned episodes

#

How is it spending a whole night and not feeling tired nor sleepy

#

Cause like by 12 AM my eyelids are falling

#

Sorry if its personal

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
#

Bro when the sun was setting i’d legit feel so mentally fucked idek why

silver sierra
#

But im always surprised when people sleep while manic

#

Like i heard stories abt people that almost had alcohol intoxication js to be able to feel sleepy

silent blaze
silver sierra
silent blaze
#

But like at the beginning I was drinking doing drugs and stuff THAT was the time I was awake majority of the time

silver sierra
#

From my research it does like stay high energy etc

#

But sometimes a person can have a wired but tired feeling