Gerund.zil's Journal | Huddle | Page 2

elfin thistle May 16, 2026, 11:58 AM

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ITS ALRIGHT

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FOR GODS SAKE

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😭

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I WISH

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I COULD

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DISAPPEAR

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I HATE

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BEING

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MYSELF

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WHY

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COULDNT I BE BETTER

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A BETTER PERSON

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A MORE INTELLIGENT ONE

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A MORE

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NICE ONE

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A MORE DEAD ONE YOU BASTARD!

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THE BEST VERSION OF ME IS THE DEAD VERSION OF ME!

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NO BETTER ONE CAN EXIST!

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GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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HOW

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TO KILL MYSELF

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PROPERLY

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0% SURVIVAL RATE

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I DONT WANT MY PARENTS BEING BURDENED WITH ME ANYMORE!

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I DONT

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I SIMPLY DONNNNNNNTOEWIKHTGNIOSEHJDO

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IUSAHFIUDOSHGIOHDSIUOGHNIUODS

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GOLDHFOGIJKDFOHJOIDFH

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DFOKHJDIOKLFJHGOKDLJHD

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FHJOIHGIOSJHDOF

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FHDIOKHGOJKDSHGDFHNGODFS

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GDFJOKHGLKGJDKLSJGODGH

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DFKFGOKDHGOJKDJHIGOJDIOGJ

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GJODGHKDLOJHGOKLDJGKDJHGODG

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DGIODHGOKJDKOLGJHDKOSJGOPDS

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GDSOGHDKLGJHLKDSHJGKDJSGL

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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whadda cat bot reacting for

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long messages?

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huh?

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alright

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lets see

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.........

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The idea of lines of force was introduced by Michael Faraday. A line of force is an imaginary curve. the tangent to which at a point gives the direction of electric field intensity at that point and the number of lines of force per unit area normal to the surface surrounding that point gives the magnitude of electric field intensity at that point.

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huh

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no reaction huh

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i see

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nice nice

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why am i such an idiot

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why cant i die

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seriously

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i am DONE with thshdiogshgofdsihgiklj dhgoids

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gsdilkdhgjksdhgjo

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jkjhohdgjdgosfgdsgdsgsg

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dsg

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h

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dsh

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dfhdfhpjgjdsjg

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RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

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COME ON

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why am i so

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so fucking

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lonely

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ugly

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im so stupid

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so ugly

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so

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FUCK

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fuck all this

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i need to clear my mind

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sheesh man

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SHEESH

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qj

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i CANT SUTYD9SIPFJHSUGFO

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I CANT STUDY

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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH

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WHY

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I

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AM

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SO

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FUCKING

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UGLY

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I WANT

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TO

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DIE

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SHEESH.

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sheesh.

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BOOOOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAA

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I TOOK SOME RANDOM PILL

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IT HURTS

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MY CHEST HURTS LIKE HELL

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🤣

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JUST LIKE IT DID THIS MORNING

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NICE NICE

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I HOPE I DIE SOON@

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SHEESH

elfin thistle May 16, 2026, 12:49 PM

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aw

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the pain went

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...

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sheesh

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im so

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unlovable

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i dont think i will ever find love in my life

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hahahaha

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...

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we'll see

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time exists

elfin thistle May 16, 2026, 4:12 PM

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im sleepy

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as hell

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i cant sleep tho

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hmmmm

elfin thistle May 17, 2026, 11:01 AM

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HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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TEST went well ig

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we'll see

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i have no expectations

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god says 'you should do work without considering end results'

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fair enough

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when he said it whats to arguie

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hahahah

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anyway

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something

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i was going to say

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i forgot

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number one idiot

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sheesh

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SHEESH

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shohfdsohjfodshjo

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i got a question wrong!

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if solvent flows from solution A to B through a semipermeable membrane it means A HAS THE GREATER OSMOTIC PRESSURE, NOT B

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IM SO STUPID

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AND ANOTHER WRONG QUESTION

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AOHRSDOIGHSNOD

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RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

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I LOST LIKE 15 MARKS

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NO

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NO

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FUCK NO

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FUCK NO

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I CANT BE LOSING SO MANY MARKS

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IM SO FUCKING STUPID

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WHEN DO I GET TO DIE

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PLEASE

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IM SO STUPID

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HOW CAN MY PARENTS HAVE SUCH A STUPID CHILD

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I DONT THINK ILL EVER MAKE THEM PROUD

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...

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no.

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man

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..

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no matter how hard things get,

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you have to survive

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to see yourself

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become a better person

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sure things may be hard

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tough times may come

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but

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you are you

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you are an idiot.

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another wrong one.

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thats 20 marks

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20 fucking marks

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down the fucking drain

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when will you ever learn

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you bastard

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i hate myself

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so much

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so much.

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THU

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YOU BASTARD

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WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

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WHEN YOUR PARENTS WORK SO HARD

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HOW ARE YOU SO STUPID

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SO

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SO

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STUPID

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i hate myself.

elfin thistle May 17, 2026, 3:33 PM

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HAHAHAHA

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WHAT AN IDIOT

elfin thistle May 17, 2026, 5:04 PM

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people like you

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shall never

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do something in life

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you

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bastard

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i want you to DIE

elfin thistle May 18, 2026, 12:53 PM

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hmmmmmmmmmmm

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hmmm

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hmmmmmmmmm

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after careful analysis

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i can tell...

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i am a fucking idiot!

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nice nice

elfin thistle May 18, 2026, 1:18 PM

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BUMS

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LIKE YOU

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WONT

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EVER

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BE

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WORTHY

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OF

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ANYTHING

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ILL TELL YOU THAT

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YOU

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FUCKING

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BASTARD

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DO TO HELL

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FUCK

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YOU *GO TO HELL

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THU

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NUMBER ONE GANDU

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HORRIBLE

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I HATE MYSELF

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I WANT

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TO

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BEAT MYSELF

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BADLY

elfin thistle May 18, 2026, 3:46 PM

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i wish

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you didnt exist

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and

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someone else was there

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wouldnt that have been good

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huh

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huh?

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man i cant stand it

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im sick of it

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showing that im happy! im happy! on the outside

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fuck no im not! 😭

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i hope no one asked 'how are you'

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im tired of lying

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but i trust no one

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why should i tell anyone

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its not like

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the problem would be resolved

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one way to end it

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is by ending things.

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sheesh

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you bloody fucker

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i hate myself!

elfin thistle May 19, 2026, 1:16 PM

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YOU

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FUCKER

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SHEESH

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HOW DID YOU GET SUCH LESS MARKS

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157/300 IN JEE MOCK

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man im so stupid

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SO STUPID

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HOW STUPID

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THAT IS COOKE

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I DONT WANT

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TO BE STUPID

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I STUDY AS MUCH AS I CAN

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SURE IT MIGHT BE 4TH RANK IN THE CLASS

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BUT I WANT 1ST RANK

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😭

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ILL STUDY HARDER

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IM SO STUPID

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this is why

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you waste your parents money

elfin thistle May 19, 2026, 1:40 PM

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no bastard worth his salt is like you

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HAHAHAHAHA

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Listen closely, you idiot.

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Bastards like you will NEVER make it anywhere in life

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you gotta bleed

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beat yourself

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cut yourself

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on the shoulder for all i care

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on your fingers

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you dont deserve life

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good idea

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maybe i should do that huh

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yep i should

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i will beat myself

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i dont want my mom asking me 'oh what happened'

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she has enough on her mind

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AND YOU

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I AM SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT

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I EXIST TO GIVE MY PARENTS STRESS

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IF I DIED,

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WOULDNT IT ALL END FOR THEM?

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THEY WOULD FEEL HAPPY!

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MY DAD WOULD THROW A PARTY THE DAY I DIE AND IM ALL FOR IT

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LETS DO IT

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FUCK MYSELF MAN

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uhhh

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no thanks

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whod do that

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🤣

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jokes aside

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im a

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what do i say

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i dont find good words

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ill just say

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hmmm

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such a fucking idiot

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imma beat myself today

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sheesh

elfin thistle May 21, 2026, 3:12 PM

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i am

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so

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stupid

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i

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simply cannot say

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anything else

elfin thistle May 21, 2026, 4:07 PM

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here it is

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when you feel sad

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remember

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YOU are the problem

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YOU are the idiot

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YOU are the cause

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YOU are the fucker

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you bastard

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go to hell

elfin thistle May 22, 2026, 1:40 PM

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im sick of this bs

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today

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appa began raging at me

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ive changed schools

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and thus, quite a bit of paperwork has to be done

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and its a pain in the ass

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the admin fuckers at our new school said, 'if the parents dont get the study certificate from the old school today by 11 am, we will be cancelling your admission;

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and appa read it TODAY at 12

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and began raging at me

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calling me an idiot and shit like that

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i got to know today

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and the problem is- my friends and i study in different schools and they had got the message yesterday

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so i thought, oh, appa would have got the message and i dont think our school admins have said that

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but hell no was i wrong

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my dad began getting VERY angry

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and he began scolding me

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i said look when i dont have info i cant tell you anything

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and he says look you got home at 11:45

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why couldnt you tell me

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that was because, like i said, i thought, oh, appa would have got the message and i dont think our school admins have said that

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and then he called my mom and scolded her for not sending the message to him earlier

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and then he scolds me for not telling him anything

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yes.

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i dont tell him anything!

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him or anyone for that matter

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why should i tell him?

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every time i do he gets mad at me

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i realised later that if i had told him today,

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i would be COOKED

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lmao

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he LOVES scolding me

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im the only son he got

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i dont want him to scold my sister in that way

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and then FINALLY

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he called the scool and scolded THEM for sending such messages on a weekday where parents who do jobs would be busy

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and finally got to know that even people in our school didnt know that the admins sent such a message and as a result we had no intimation except the message

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i got mad

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and i smashed myself in the hand with some building blocks

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it felt GOOD

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i bled, but its not much

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im willing to do it again and again

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i did it a few times in fact!

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it felt SO FUCKING GOOD

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i deserve to bleed like that

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but then my dad again got mad at me for not telling him anything

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he said the only time i tell him anything is when hes angry

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PROBLEM IS HE IS ANGRY ALL THE FUCKING TIME

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AND HE ALWAYS TAKES IT OUT ON ME

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IN SOME WAY OR THE OTHER

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and whenever i tell him something urgent like this he scolds me and hits the wall angrily and shit like that and asks me why i couldnt tell this earlier

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ITS BECAUSE I DIDNT GET THE INFO EARLIER

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that one day i got scolded badly and i got beat

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so i stopped telling my parents anything

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and i wouldnt have it any other way

elfin thistle May 25, 2026, 1:52 AM

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now i need to dismantle my computer

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i wont be able to use it the rest of my life now

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hahahahahaha

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well

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doesnt really matter

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it was a GREAT run

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hahahaha

elfin thistle May 26, 2026, 8:34 AM

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Why

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Am I so bad at everything I do

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Sheesh

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I draw so badly

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Heres my attempt at drawing Uchiha Itachi before I gave up in between

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You draw so badly.
.

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Sheesh

#Gerund.zil's Journal