lee

[winged swallow]

redoing this for the 4th time. this is so stupid.

im going to crash out

i cant communicate. and that isnt in an awkward silly weak loser boy way

i actually cant communicate and its driving me insane

id do anything to be normal

i go completely silent when people ask me whats wrong

i have one friend. the friend thats been there for me since january. the friend thats never been mean to me. the only one i didnt block because theyre everything for me.

tyler is amazing

i cant make other friends. not since i got into a fight at school. not since i got suspended and then homeschooled

not since i blocked almost everyone i know due to how mentally ill i am

i made two other friends at the mental hospital

my mom made me block them too

im not even allowed to have discord

not x or tiktok

not snapchat

but snapchat is the only thing i can talk to tyler on.

tyler is all i want in life. i dont want him to leave me.

i dont care if i dont have anyone but him

to hell i care. but im not allowed online or at school

im cooked

deep fried

friendless

i even blocked my boyfriend.

kelsey. im not sure if were still dating or not

i gave him a letter and a giant stuffed bear at his house. i never saw him again.

ive had panic attacks due to missing him

why dont i unblock him?

ive tried. he blocked me too. he was mean to me. really mean. his bites hurt and left bruises. he insults me.

i blocked him after i told him i was at my worst and he responded with welcome to my world

i shouldnt have.

why has nothing changed

i miss everyone so much. but i just know they all hate me

i just know it

i want to cut

i have nothing sharp

my other cuts hurt

i peeled them

i just want some comfort.

[winged swallow]

hii

its been 4 days

im mostly just too scared to go on discord now that my mom doesnt let me have it

i dont even do anything wrong on it so im confused

i just want to journal

which is literally impossible for me to do on paper

i keep ripping out the pages.

i suppose i keep deleting my old huddle journals anyways

but still

thats different

nevermind.

my mom found out about this

shes letting me on it i think?

but we had a long conversation and now im crying

man i love apple sauce

🐒

i love monkeys

theyre so silly

i need to stop

i love system of a down

especially byob

lies from the table cloth!!!!!!!!!

ooooh

i think im going insane

i wish i could talk with someone

ill just end up blocking them

i want go get worse and cut deeper

but i have hope and maybe cat scratches are okay

standing in the yard

dressed like a kid

the house is white

and the lawn is dead

the lawn is dead

the lawn is dead!