#s1mons3z's journal(cz i changed my user)

105 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

grim panther
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For the past few months I've been feeling real down. I don't know why but i just feel really unliked,my bad luck doenst help either and ive been pushed down to the point i cant even rebuild my reputation im just eternally fucked. I have no space to actually let out my feelings and theres always some kind of problem or fucking person obstacle to fucking let me down

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they should stop fucking treating me like a fucking animal. ungrateful fucking hoes who dont even understand and theyll never understand because theyll also never experience the things I will because theyre "normal"

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im so fucking done with life bro

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music and my hyperfixation helps me so im gonna quickly photo dump

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who the actual fuck do they think they are talking to me like that

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it doesnt help to think your helping when you just make things fucking worse. wake up to the truth and realize the world doesnt revolve around you

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a real person doesnt search for the next path immediately after losing and giving up

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nor throw a fit over it

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a real person isnt an unsympathetic asshole who cant see when someone is very clearly mentally struggling

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i literally cant with my classmates

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i cant stop feeling embarrassed for accidents like i mistake another person for my friend and every time i see them again in school i think they fucking hate me i wanna kill myself so bad i wanna slit but if my family finds out at my ripe ass age im actually fucking cooked

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I cant deal with my own problems anymore and when i do fix them some fucking person obstacle comes and has to start more

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i literally feel like im fucking voided

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wtf

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im so fucking narcissistic and with an inflated ass ego but at the same time i soooo fucking hate myself

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how do you explain this feeling

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I feel like the world revolves around me but at the same time im so fucking unimportant no one fucking likes me

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I need therapy bruh

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im the weirdo of the class

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fucking fatass

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dumb as fuck

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cant do math for shit

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but honestly who the fuck cares

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not me

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im gonna take the fucking rope and do it as soon as i move out

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i cant handle my own problems

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my own shit is unimportant

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im unimportant

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but oh my god i love myself

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im really fucking controversial but without all my flaws id be a perfect bitch

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if i only i was pretty enough to have pretty privilege id be able to express my feelings like these ANYWHERE

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omg im fucking delusional

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holy shit only a few minutes and im only letting out half of the shit ive gone through

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i cant handle my dad yelling

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i cant handle him

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I cant handle my mom

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I cant handle my dad

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fuck my family all of it is unimportant

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the most important person in my own mindset should be ME(and my friends ;) )

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I should care about myself rather than those fucking person obstacles

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can go fuck themselves

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dumbasses

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Dandis delulu shit

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i dont want them to leeeave

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I don't want them to fucking leave

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but they're also so annoying as shit omg

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I actually cannot feel real anger but i can say I feel it

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in reality i find it really funny but at the same time i don't

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bcz like loooool im still the best person

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in the fucking world i should be appreciated by the hoes who think im a fucking weirdo

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but at the same time im fucking delusional im mentally ill like get fucking therapy you schizo acting ass

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i cant leave the past behind me and it fucking hurts but not in a sad way like

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grrrrrr kittens mad i cant stop fucking thinking to want to apologize about all the controversies and stupid shit I've caused both irl and online but like

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whatever

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I actually think the mona lisa is a really rad painting like zoom in the details are amazing its literally filled with talent idk why people dont actually pay attention to that im really immersed in art and i think its really impressive

Mona_Lisa_by_Leonardo_da_Vinci_from_C2RMF_retouched.jpg
grim panther
grim panther
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||i wanna just end it already but the problem is i dont want my brother to be blamed as hes known for hating me and doing a few bad things to me. but i genuinely love him and so does he love me and i don't want to ruin his life because of my own fucking miserable one||

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Sams delulu shit

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this is what i wanna do to myself

SPOILER_6c318b46716f5fd48c245fd0e5005eb2649b17fba642509c3f00e0d9c47469e7.jpg
grim panther
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Mizzys delulu shit

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why is life so utterly boring

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all i do on social media is cry

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all i do in school is cry

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all i do at home is cry

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all i do in my life is cry

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i cant take this anymore.

grim panther
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Autisticxehanorts journal

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it's been a while - kokichi

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and I still can't figure out if we're a system or not - kokichi

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we meet all oftbhe criteria - kokichi

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and have met that criteria ever since we first experienced trauma - kokichi

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yet because of our age we technically can't get diagnosed - kokichi

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we've been researching did/osdd for years - kokichi

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yet we just can't get a diagnosis

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ugh I need to get my mind off this

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betch

grim panther
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ugh

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im feeling so unmotivated rn.

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nobody ever cares about me

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everyone else can get comforted all they want

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but im just left alone like a kicked puppy

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all i do is chase after people and get mad when they ignore me

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i should just ||kill myself||

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but im so afraid of dying

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because

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what if i go to hell?

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what if i burn forever?

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i cant repent all of the shit we did.

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-atta

grim panther
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why

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why do i even bother

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||see how everyone else gets comforted or just disregarded but im just ghosted by everyone. see. see how that is?very fuckibg friendship i make always turns out like this. i dont even want to be here anymore. i know its no one's fault but mines for ruining my reputation but i dont wanna be seen as a burden. every word every sentence every remark reminds me of her. i genuinely cannot do this anymore i am on THE verge of relapsing. the feeling of the knife the sharp hurt the distraction it gives me from the depression i love it.ineed it and ive been craving it since the last time i cut myself||

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||i dont care if theres someone watching i dont care if anyone worries(its likely fake)i dont care if anyone feels bad about it i will be doing it because apparently according to everyone im not allowed to cope BECAUSE THESE FUCKING DUMB ASS PERSON OBSTACLES DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE NOT GIVE A CRAp ABOUT ME. I COULD KILL MYSELF AND PEOPLE WOUULD LAUGH ABOUT IT||

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||WHEN WILL PEOPLE GENUINELY LEARN I AM NOT AN OBJECT TO BE LAUGHED AT. if i get objectified one more time im gonna take that knife and throw it in their fucking face||

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i have been in this for MONTHS

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OVER 11 MONTHS

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thats basically a year tbh

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i am DONE WITH THIS.

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also thank you to the user who is reacting with the hug emoji ily/(platonic)🫂

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s1mons3z's journal(cz i changed my user)

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idk how to feel about myself

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oftentimes i have episodes of extreme euphoria where I'll feel at the top of the world,like i am the god above,the absolute lord

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and then theres the depressive ones where i feel like a fuckass little shit who doesnt matter at all

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and then theres the raging ones where i feel like i wanna destroy everything and everyone in my SIGHT