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Ayee... Welcome to my first journal here :3
The first thing I want to say is, thank you and sorry to everyone I have met and known from the past until now. I don't know if I'm really good enough and will be better tomorrow, as I usually say. I'm just an ordinary person, sometimes I fall, then get up again. I live with the same and ordinary routine, but I am relieved, all of you who read this have made my life more than ordinary.
Free for reaction and comment if u want :3
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I have to survive, I want to, I still have remaining determination and energy
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I pray for my cat so that he will find peace, thank him very much for spending every second to accompany me and make me happy. Thank's him for being in my life. He is a strong, brave and tough cat. Always happy for him, I love you.
Tangerine, 13 years old. Today, 07.26.
Has breathed his last breath, and found peace for him.
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I just... Didn't think that he would die because of an accident, I mean, he's old, Tangerine didn't even marry and have offspring with my other cat. I hope my cat dies in a better way, where he can breathe his last breath in peace, instead of groaning in excruciating pain on the verge of death. Even if it's possible, if it's possible. I would definitely want to replace him to feel all that pain, while he died peacefully.
There is no cat as orange and cool as him, he is like the alpha of all the cats I have. Now I feel a deep emptiness inside me, maybe that's how my other cats felt because of his disappearance...
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Today I had to lead several important meetings with several people in the office, everything went quite well until around 02.30pm. I'm in the middle of my period, and my stomach really hurts. Occasionally while sitting in my chair, I have to maintain an upright sitting position and my expression during meetings.
But I'm proud, now at least I can take a deep breath and lean back in my chair. The pain slowly disappeared after I drank the tamarind turmeric herbal medicine that I brought from home, I realized that during that time I was sweating coldly.
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My old friend sent me photos while he, my boss and several other members were on a business trip in Austria. Gosh, I would love to go to a European country...
Can I ask for an Austrian souvenir from him? Hmmmm...
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I could maybe ask for a souvenir like... A scarf? Oh, or maybe just food isn't a problem...
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Today my throat feels sore and dry, every time I drink, it only makes it feel more hoarse and dry...
Uukkkkhhh...
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I have Cooling Mouth Spray Cool Mint 15 ml, Degirol Suction 0.25 mg and Methylprednisolone 8 mg 10 Tablets. Maybe it's better to just drink more warm water?
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I have several medications that I think can help, but my mind keeps telling me that I shouldn't be addicted to drugs because lately it feels like I can't control myself about it. I don't know... I just want the pain to subside soon
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I don't understand, today I was chatting with my senior at work after having a silly argument about the AC remote. At first we were just chatting casually, then without realizing it I had entered into a serious topic, he was telling stories about his past or what he had experienced, he seemed so open to me. Without hesitation, he told me everything.
I stopped him from continuing the story, I felt uncomfortable and didn't deserve to hear it, I didn't know how to respond later, I was in a situation where I couldn't give any advice to other people.
But he said it was no problem, he believed me, he just wanted to tell me, and that was all.
Until now my mind is full of this, whether it feels like something is wrong or what. My senior and I have worked in this office for a long time, he works in the team room next door. But, if it's true that he thinks that we're that close and that I deserve to hear what he has, he feels like he can be open with me. I'm scared, I'm not ready to open up to him either, I think after this he also deserves to hear my story, to be fair.
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Naaahhh nnnooooooooooo
Why my Spotify can't load lyrics now??? It says only premium can see the lyrics, gosh I'm so sad...
Whereas previously I could freely view the lyrics without needing a subscription
It seems that someone is aware of this and is taking advantage of it to get people to buy premium, who proposed this to the Spotify company?? Gosh...
"If only I could stop the sunrise, we could lay here all night
If only I could learn to freeze time, I'd hold you forever
If only I had one more day, I'd love you 25-8"
-Bebe Rexha ( If Only I )-
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I feel that I still have many shortcomings, I am still an ordinary human being who is far from perfect, I still often make mistakes. I think that's the reason why I don't have the confidence to be loved by other people, I feel, I'm not ready to show everything, and I'm not sure anyone can accept someone who is far from perfect and good like me...
I think that kind-hearted children are required not to hate this world...
Ah...
I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T
I SAID I I CAN'T!!!
Uukkkhhh...
I am fully aware... Of awful I am as a person
They say, everyone has their own prison. And I realize now, am I walking closer to my prison? Or stay away from it?
Yes, I know. My soul hurts.
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'Family' is not everything it seems from the outside. The fact that if you have a 'family' doesn't mean you will get love. Family members live in the same house, but it feels like they are living with strangers. Parents don't know their children, and their children feel like they don't have parents. Young people are always crowded together in the internet, but lonely in the real world.
I think, everyone can be a mother, everyone can be a father. But not by being a 'Parent'.
And, what about me? Who feels like a failure as a 'Child'?
Ah, I think, a child who is required to be an adult since childhood, will not be easy to act mature when he is truly an adult... My inner child was struggling.
Those parents only lived a little longer, but that doesn't mean they know and understand everything in the world.
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Being looked at by other people does not mean we have the right to turn our backs on others.
"Forgive them for your own good", but those words actually hurt me more.
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Why do I have such a violent fantasies whenever someone mildly annoys me
Ah, I wonder how many my parent have used me as a bad example?
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They say suffering makes you strong...
Yes, I was strong, now I am strong. It's just... Oh, maybe, I'm tired...
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"If there is no shoulder to lean on, then cook an omelet. Because we need breakfast, not hope."
-Quotes Of The Day-
EEYYYYAAA THEY RETURN TO THE OFFICE TODAY LOL
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I'm not Mad
I'm just, Hurt...
That's Difference.
Don't think I could forgive myself
I'm sorry for the ways that I used you
And I could care less right now
But you know, you hurt me pretty good too
Yeah, we made each other bleed
And we tasted it
I'm here to admit
That you were my medicine
Oh, love, I couldn't quit
And I'm down on my knees again
Thank you for the happiest year of my life
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Human? Yes
Humanity? Nu uh
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"Kill the with a Success
and Burry them with a Smile"
But, what I did was...
"Crying as I try to kill them
and give them one more Chance to
Kill me..."
I get hit for mins. No, not js a slap. If it's js a slap then I'm lucky. I get hit, kicked, punched and get my hair pulled all at once if I get my ''Dad'' angry. Closing the door is ''slamming the door'' in my ''Dads'' opinion and what I said before goes on and on for minutes until she has enough. And my ''Mom'' just approves. He says I'm a failure for my grades when I try my best. He gives me so much pressure and shames me for my grades when I do my best. I have fake friends.
This is a childhood story... And I wish I had a normal childhood.
Sorry for being a child who, failed, not perfect, as you expected.
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Just because I'm strong enough to handle the pain, and does that mean I'll deserve it?
Mommy Issue, No
Daddy Issue, Naahh
Bro, I'm The Issue.
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Dead people receive more flowers than living one because regret is more stronger than gratitude
He say "She was a Rainbow in my life, but she was colourblind..."
But if he saw her a little closer or in another way he can see the shades of color she has, then all she has to do is make something beautiful and great so that he noticed it and came a little closer and after some Time passed with her, he will see how she shines so brightly and all the colours she has ans he will just fall in love with all that purity who deserve to be love and see by somoene but sometimes it can’t happen because the moment or the person is not the right one…
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Today, my forest it's dark. All the tree is crying, and the butterfly have broken wings, also all the bird and the other animal.
I wish... I have some power to to fix all this...
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"Look at you trying to comforting other with the words you wish to hear"
HOMESICKNESS for a home to which you cannot return, a home which never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the last grief for the lost places of your path.
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THIS IS TO ADOMANIA, WHY???
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I was told to be strong, and it was said that suffering made me strong. Then, how strong do I have to be? And how long will I have to endure all this suffering?
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Damn, I shouldn't be so stubborn. I should have known when to take a step back...
Everyone has two sides, I have, several sides. And I don't know which side I really am...
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If you want to die by slitting your wrists, you should do it vertically, not horizontally. And you have to bleed for at least 8 hours to die. I thought about ending my life many times, but after that, I thought more about one thing.
"What if it turns out that out there, there are still people who really need my presence?"
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What should I live for?
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I've accidentally spend my life making sure Everyone Else Around Me feels comfortable, only to realized that I've Never felt comfortable any time.
A weapon?
A monsters?
A ghost?
Inner Child.
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"My feelings? Oh, don't worry about those. Nobody else does."
🗣️ "Oh poor u, still waiting for u r happy ending while suffering from tears and wounds."
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Am I a monster? Or a victim my self?
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I got strong on my fuckin' own
I hope I heal from thins that no one ever apologized for.
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It's all my fault, because I'm all gone. I'm lousy, I'm careless, I'm selfish, I'm stupid. This is all my fault... I can't be a good friend, I'm not someone who deserves to be in your life
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DUMB
I AM DUMB
NO
STUPID
F
THERE IS NO MORE TOMORROW FOR ME
“I won’t stop, EVERYTHINGS until you see how broken I am”
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I make everyone around me slowly leave, damn why do I always do this? Even though I always say or hope that tomorrow will be better. I couldn't even improve my attitude towards them, couldn't treat them better. Now, see? They're gone, they're sick of me. They can't stand what I am now...
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My juniors make me look bad at the office, do they hate me that much? I don't understand, they were just welcomed into the office, I was appointed to guide them, and I did my job and tried to be nice to all of them. They make me work even 3x as much, uukkhhhh...
I can't just work with people who, I feel comfortable with. My work environment is good, but not the people.
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No, no, no, no
How could you be in love while I'm
So, so, so, so
Hurting, bleeding
Dying of our relationships and troubles that are painted in rеd colors
Oh, please die
-Lies by Sion-
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Heyya journal, it's me again
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Whoa... Hey ya guys
It's been a long time since I write something here
I'm fine rn
Hope you guys thoo
Happy n healthy always
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Heyya
