#bear's digital diary

232 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

river sierra
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੭ ̥ ︵︵ॱ ̟ ﹕ ꒰ᐢ • ˕ • ᐢ꒱ ﹕ ̟ ॱ ︵︵ ̥ ੭
𖥻 ִ ۫ ּ A B O U T M E ࣪ ٬٬. ⩇

mc_ribbon_pink profile . ७ :
name: kii
age: 21
birthday: june 20
birthplace: canada
zodiac sign: gemini-cancer cusp
height: 160 cm | 5'3

✿﹐likes ﹒ white_butterfly1 :
video games, treu crime, sanrio, hello kitty, pink, animals, reading, writing, drawiing, singing, extroverts, tiktok, sweets

mc_ribbon_pink ﹒dislikes ✿
bossy people, spiders, brussel sprouts, confrontation, thunder + lightning

﹕ॱ˖𖦹 fun fact white_butterfly1﹒=
white_arrow my favourite color is pink
white_arrow i speak french
white_arrow my fav animal is a polar bear

〃 ˎ₊˚യ﹒﹒︶꒷ ꒰꒰ ‧‧₊˚﹒︶꒦︶︶꒷﹒

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i love being able to keep a diary but i feel like online diaries r so much more fun bc u can customize it way more

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i just love customizing things to make it my own

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but i seemingly always forget about it

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i wonder if there r ways i can set a reminder for myself so i don't forget about writing in my digital diary

river sierra
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i've reset my diary now

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i think i'll be a lot happier with the layout now rather than how i had it earlier

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i was trying to seem organized

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but the whole point of a diary isn't necessarily to be organized

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like i dont think in an organized manner

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plus it felt limiting to write prompts

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i want complete freedom over what i'm writing

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write whatever i want to

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that being said

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i think i've made some friends

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i'm very proud of myself

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i've had a few run ins with some strange ppl

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which led me to change my dms to ask to dm rather than open dms

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it's unfortunate

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it's like every time i want to do something

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something happens to remind me to keep to myself

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but thankfully i was able to make some friends before that

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i've also tried reaching out to ppl myself

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i'm extremely proud of myself tbh

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never been more proud

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i'll keep trying to make friends tho

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i wanna make at least 5 friends by the end of this week

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it might be pushing it

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but i'm determined to make lots of good friends

river sierra
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i'm finally feeling better these days

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i'm not as sick as i have been

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i can breathe and eat solid foods

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i hung out with a friend of mine today

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he's already confessed to liking me

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n i mean it's flattering

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but i also don't think i'm rlly ready for a relationship rn

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it's also awkward bc i did date his friend at one point

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it would be weird if i went for him next

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would it not?

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it feels like dating a step brother almost

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it's a bit weird

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for now, he's been extremely respectful

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he doesn't push anything onto me

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doesn't try to make moves

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he keeps it friendly but not too friendly

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he seems very attentive on not crossing the line of "just friends"

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which i genuinely appreciate

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he's very respectful

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i'm just enjoying be able to spend time with myself

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n being able to make friends

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it's nice not having to focus on making another person happy

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just focusing on myself

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n my well-being

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it's a bit relieving

river sierra
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i rlly just make myself suffer don't i

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i keep talking to him

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when ik i shouldn't

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he's not very nice to me

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n he makes me cry

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he makes my anxiety go thru the roof

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but we want what's not good for us, right?

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i've never been that type

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to want something that isn't good for me

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to want something that doesn't serve me in the slightest

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so what's so different about this guy?

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seriously, i've racked my brain

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asked myself about it a bunch of times

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what's ur deal, kii?

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y do u keep talking to him, kii?

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he's so miserable

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is it this "i can fix him" mentality i'm having?

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cause ew

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gross

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i'm not bob the builder

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if i didn't break him

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y should i be the one to fix him?

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y am i the one who has to suffer the consequences?

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it's so stupid

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it's so confusing

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ig i like a bit of a challenge

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my brain is always going when i'm around him

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he's peculiar

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extremely annoying

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but interesting to watch

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honestly, observing him feels the same as observing a monkey

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i don't think he has much going on in his brain most days lol

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not in a mean way

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but in the same way u would say a pet doesn't have any thoughts

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enough of this boy drama

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it's lame

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it's boring

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but it's interesting

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i've never experienced this sorts of things

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it's like the more i put myself out there

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the more i experience boy drama

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which i kind of don't want to

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it's annoying

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but at the same time

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isn't it good to experience it?

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u get to learn things about urself

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u experience things

river sierra
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i don't seem to write as much as i usually would

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i try to keep up with it but ig i feel at a loss for words

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i had a pretty good day today tho

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i watched my best friend play valorant

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n then we watched jjk

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i sorta fell asleep in vc with her

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but it's nice that i can rest in vc with her n she keep me company

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i always feel at ease around her

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it would be crazy to say

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but i think she's my soulmate

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i love our friendship

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n i love that i can comfortably say i love u to her without feeling weird

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i'm not usually one to feel the need to express my strong like for someone often

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but i find i'm always telling her how much i care about her

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n how much i enjoy her company

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she's truly my bestie

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n i do love her

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with all my heart

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she's very precious to me

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enough gushing over my bestie

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lemme just say

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i've been enjoying watching more anime n movies n shows

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i never rlly had much of an interest in that stuff

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i mostly watched youtube

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but while i was sick i found myself extremely bored

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n caught up with all my fav youtubers

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i'm enjoying it even more that i've watched a lot of stuff with my mom

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n some new friends that i've made

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i feel like i'm making a good group of friends

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i'm very happy about that

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my goal was to make lots of good friendships

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they're fairly new

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but i hope they grow into something great

river sierra
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another day

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another slay

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am i right ladies?

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i woke up with cramps

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not my fav start to a day but yk how it is

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i have loads of laundry to do

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hopefully the movement will help with the cramps a bit

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maybe if i go looking for my heat pack that would help too

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i've been thinking of trying new hobbies lately

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but i'm not sure what sorts of new hobbies i should try

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i rlly want to get into fish tanks

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or maybe i should go back to reading !

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i don't read as often as i'd like to tbh

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i'm getting into kdramas tho rn

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i should try writing short stories again too

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or poems

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i rlly liked writing poems

river sierra
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good morning

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i haven't written in awhile now

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ig i didn't rlly know what to write

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there's a lot i could write

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but i didn't feel like it was appropriate to put in here

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or not that i didn't feel it was appropriate

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but more that i didn't feel comfy sharing

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but there's a couple of things i can share

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my grandmother is sick

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n she's been sick for awhile now

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she's diagnosed with lung cancer

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n i've visited her a bit

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she was on oxygen n now she's not

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but it's like her memory is going back in time

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sometimes she remembers me

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sometimes she doesn't

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i think the hardest part is seeing how her health is declining

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she's always been a very strong woman to me

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ik she hates that everyone is seeing her like this

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if it were up to her, she'd die alone in her bed without anyone to know

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until someone does a wellness check n finds her

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she doesn't want a funeral

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she doesn't want anything

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as if she never existed in any of our lives, it feels

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n i respect her decision

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but a funeral would be nice, it would be a good way for me to find closure

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a good way for a lot of us to find closure

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but it's my grandma's choice

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n we must all respect it

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it's my grandma's choice so we must abide

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but i would be lying if i said it didn't bother me

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worst of all

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grandma wants me to find a nice man

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who understands my mental health problems

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n who will take care of me

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n i think that upsets me

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whenever she says that

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i feel like in life, i'm always going to be destined to be with a guy who mistreats me

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bc i give to many chances

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i have a weak spot for the ppl that i like n care about

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dare i say, i'm too nice for my own good

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it's hard to be able to date in this day n age

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let alone find a guy who wants to take care of u

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i love my grandmother but she grew up in a different time than me

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i wish she would understand that i'm not as fortunate as she was in her love life

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meeting my grandfather

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who took care of her

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looked out for her

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loved her deeply n every day

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thru thick n thin

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it's a different time now...

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n i'm not fortunate enough

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on another note

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i'm watching a chinese drama called "falling into your smile"

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it's soo cute

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i'm gushing

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it's how the male lead isn't afraid to show he likes the female lead

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n isn't afraid to lose fans for liking her either

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it's just so adorable

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i think it might be one of my fav shows now

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it's a lot longer than other asian dramas i've seen

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mind u, i haven't seen a lot of asian dramas

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okok lemme not talk too much about it

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i don't wanna spoil it

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it's cute

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if u like gaming or league of legends, i suggest watching

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ofc if u also like asian dramas too

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n romance

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watch immediately

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i had quite a bit to say today

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more than i usually do

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which isn't a bad thing at all

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n would make sense since i haven't written in awhile

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until next time