#Online Journal

170 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

inland robin
#

I try to search the seat upfront for I don't love to be in class. Eyes just make me overwhelmed though i'm not diagnosed, I try not to look straight up for I think of it all day. I try to build a routine for months and nothing works though I'm glad I joined 5am club. I felt wiser everyday but I know it's never enough.

#

Achievements I made I am proud but new challenge make me scare , perhaps i'm too self-centered but sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

#

Getting the highest Koko mark in school, A crystal trophy above gold , I thought I would mean something to me , I display it pn my wardrobe yet it make me timid, I lose my sense of who I am and avoid team sports in total now. Mabye it's because I have no familiar sport mate but I thank that cycling is my fav

#

115 Teachers/ profesors in school with only 8 classmates in class. I few comfortable right now but not always I'm at ease.

#

Titles bring me reputations but the same time brings troubles, troubles for leading 54 in STEM and 120 in KP, Tecahers are all I have to communicate and not all I get along with. Some I may avoid for god knows what reason and some just give me a pain in mind. I love all of my teachers but I know their love wouldn't last for which the one I love before all is left is nothing but memories. It's good to have good memories but in tough time it makes you envious forgetting the moment of truth. I want yo curse the day I was born but that is done by Job.

#

Dear Lord I know I sin alot , please forgive me and bless me still . In the name of Jesus Amen.

inland robin
#

I want to be a forensic doctor/ police or surgeon

#

All require discipline 😘😘

#

Sub Inspektor Kadet on Service , school is just a starting ground

#

Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

#

Gonna definitely cringe if this journal and my 4 physical journal still stays after 10 years lol

#

Mabye might burn them

#

But this hope it stays private from ppl tht know me irl

#

What are the odds ya who are the odds unless God plans it

inland robin
#

My brain hurts to think that this summary is all , it's still jammed with words

#

Sleepless night seems normal right now even after going bed at 10pm everyday I only fallen asleep at 1 and wake up automatically at 5am

#

Jammed jammed jammed

#

Writing here seem easily than writing physically I guess, phone is an addiction though there's no game in my phone

#

It's insane on how much I use to write instead of going to study

#

Studied 4set of PA from yesterday and 5 esei qs I wrote on my palms

#

Bio, Mt I haven't touch but che is filling in my gap

#

Tommorow there's exam talk, MPM exam session and table arranging

#

I want a good seat😔 pleaseee

#

00050053 code number out of 547 peers in my school

#

Koko tommorow, glad it's online but my present is important being the president

#

I enjoy koko physical ones at least , online is also great

#

Hope I can form words tommorow unlike the other day where I just stood there repeating what I ask and what others say

#

Brain jammed

#

And I can't help it

#

I have dreams

#

And I will fight

#

Sacrifices are meant to be done

#

Shiny is outside my door right now

#

20.36 off phone

inland robin
#

Know my exam seat , though it's at the very back at least I'm under a fanhuddleshibaheart

#

Pdpr until exam is over

brittle stone
#

Nice

inland robin
#

Got the newest set of trial exam papers of state for all subjects😉

#

25 sets in total gonna do as much as possible

inland robin
#

That’s how most of us live nowadays

#

Individualistic, self-centered

#

Can’t even say who’s fault is that

#

Social media¿

#

Sometimes i feel alone

#

It barely depends on my perspective of what is considered as being alone

#

I can go down my mom will be on the couch

#

I can go to my brothers room and he will be there playing video game

#

I can take out my phone and start a convo

#

But it’s all meaningless when it’s a meaningless conversation

#

What is there to talk about?

#

School sucks

#

I still have to go to school

#

Life sucks i still have to live

#

Subject is fun

#

Subject is hard

#

I still have to study

#

Games? Talk about that and my life is fucked up

#

Sport? Nerds classmate of mine doesn’t even have a life outside of book and phone

#

Find back my old friends? My last best friend?

#

Forget about me for months and blame i ignored her.

#

All her other friends in snapchat are more important

#

Couldn’t people just stop a day without using social media to chat?

#

Or am i just a loser that doesn’t have life online?

#

Used to until I realised how fake it is

#

100 of messages exchange and not a single word when met in school

#

How depressing this kind of relationship is?

#

Is it me that want too much from a friendship?

#

When i enjoy being alone so much more

#

I just can’t avoid everyone in life

#

Even if i do people i know pop up in my head

#

Try to stop it but nothing works

#

Try to shut down my mind just to sleep and it take hours

#

Cry in school and ppl think I’m depressed

#

Cry at home and my dad calls me crazy

#

My mom ignores it

#

My brother , don’t get it started but boys lack emotions

#

Emotions are just a burden

#

Fucking late for exam and wrote with my fucking handwriting

#

Why is it that it’s so hard to just rest

#

Happy ppl don’t always have happy days

#

But they choose that feeling themselves

#

Why is it then when i smile on simple things ppl look at me weirdly

#

Why is it that i care about what other’s think

#

Fucking life

#

Couldn’t i just be at peace with myself

#

Lord sometimes i hope to be born blind

#

So i will don’t have to know how others look at me

#

Their facial expressions says it all

#

Overthinking?

#

If it is I couldn’t help it

#

And it fucking sucks

#

I think i’m bored with life

#

But there’s just so much more i want to do

#

Life is short make it sweet

#

Even with that quote I can’t do everything i want

#

Responsibility in life

#

Family

#

School

#

Well being

#

Atiitude

#

Social status is just what everyone need to survive

#

Try messing up your fucking relationship with everyone

#

You’ll end up a dead idiot that live in guilt

#

…

#

Asian parents only care about result?

#

More like they only care about reputation

#

God i longed for my life to end quicker but not in a way i will end it on my own

#

I know my life is a jorney

#

And all is probably written down somehow

#

Let me serve you in this lifetime and receive me after i die

#

Perhaps that’s when life begins

#

I don’t care what hate the devil send for every evil is by the devil

#

I wouldn’t brag about what i did that brings me joy

#

For i know all is in your eyes

#

Lord can i pray to be loved

#

If not by others can it be from you?

#

Amen

#

Who is there to provide

#

For everything is given through you

#

I’m sorry if i hate my life

#

For i’m created in your vision

#

Wisdom doesn’t mean anything to you

#

To me it’s the most i can provide

#

Everything will be forgotten after death at least i hope all suffering doesn’t last

#

What’s the point in writing too that’s what i ask

#

For all time should be use for studying

#

If someone is serious about it

#

But there’s just thing to worry , like my psychical body that is deteriorating

#

Or my mental health that is impacted

#

Scared of dog after being chased and now it hurts to even go near them

#

For Shiny is not a dog in my mind

#

A deformed bunny for she can be

#

How do trauma even work?

#

For I don’t get why i’m afraid of my teacher

#

Or in other word all adults that hv strong aura

#

Not like i hv any powers and i’m not gonna say psychic again

#

But it’s stupid to be so timid

#

Avoiding everything that is scary like a fucking child

#

I swear to god , that the Pa system is a testing for me

#

For i hear an unease challenge

#

I’m insane to think what tchers think

#

That’s why i just ignore

#

One word to tell to myself is that stop fucking idolising tchers

#

At least that what i call when they are always in my mind

#

That’s

#

A talk to T about something of. my jawatan

#

A saw me at least not all in a good way

#

I avoid A

#

A thinks i might mess up the pa system

#

T saw me talking alot

#

They might think i’m a bad kid like all other adults think

#

I would just want to say leave me alone for i’m just another student

#

Someone you would forget after another year

#

But your present i would not forget

#

Talk about highschool

#

When i left a tail, C saw it , i fucking did repeated action

#

J talk about autism

#

Searched it up

#

Looks sus

#

C tramsfer school

#

I’m afraid of S for no reason

#

Avoided her totally but i like her

#

J and S same room don’t know what they talk abt

#

Me occasionally ponteng school

#

Prove tht i ducking hate school

#

S staking me when i walk home

#

Suspicion added

#

Whole life is fucked up

#

Need to stop thinking cause it doesn’t help