I remember ervery thing
#Clowns Everywhere
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Not in the mood anymore. I tried opening up. I am done.
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Ahh it is life. time to close that part. Thank you Life is life time to move on. Have so much to do. Am moving onto new things today. Thank you.
Socializing with anyone is not my thing. I tried. It is not meant for me.
I do not block people. If you ever just need to talk. then lets talk. I do understand having issues. I also understand being scared. It is ok to not be ok. It will be ok.
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Truck is loaded house is ready time to move
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Middle of Moving and now time to go to couer d alene. meh ave to head to idaho now.
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Ok. dropped off the Laptops. Unpacking. Having more computers deliverd tomorrow. Kats Parents are flying in from Germany. Havent seen them since 91
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I love how we are as a society. we give into fears now. Instead of actually finding out. I had a girlfriend. She reminded me of Kat. I was so scared to even touch her. We held hands. we even hugged. I kissed her neck duging the hug. But I couldn't even try to actually kiss her. My issues with people touching me is extreme. She doesn't even know. I couldn't een hug my own mom.
But it is over with now. So I guess thats good. No it isn't it actualy sucks. But I have a business meeting coming up in vegas soon. A friend wants me to come over and I might just to go help her out.
I have to go. Have to get some dinner. I took too many of my meds last night and My blood pressure is normal...hmmm strange but works
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I ope she is ok.
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Well since I don't block people. She can always get a hold of me. Well people came over for a house warming. Lots of booze... Probably have enough booze to open a bar up. I just don't drink much if at all. Well time for bed. Have a lot to do tomorrow.
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I hope shes doing ok. I do miss her. It was nice talking to someone who sorts of understand
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good night
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awake. going back to bed. had a night mare again. same one as always. Havent had it since i met her now its back
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Woke up this morning went back to sleep woke up again. I wish she would message. But I am not going to force it. She knows how to get a hold of me. I loved talking to her.
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I read your journal and wish I was there just to hold you and be there. tell you it is ok
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hmmm
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it will be all right good night
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time for sleep
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Well I see she is not doing well. Breaks my heart. It really does.
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im so sorry hun. I know how sensitive you are to these things
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i have met this girl. talking to her. she makes me smile and laugh
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Ok been cying the last couple of hours. it doest happen often. last time was almost 20 years ago.
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The banging and smoke filled day at work as well as a conversation that was had. Reminded me of a very bad moment In life. I was having trouble dealing with it. I know this is something I have been provided the tools to deal with in an acceptable and non interferring way. It is not the responsibility of those I love and rust to deal with.
A long time ago. I chose to interefere in something. The nightmares I have from this event.....Has been a comfort to me. It made me know that my interference was a good thing. Today. Today after working part of my shift I did break down crying. The first time in 20 years.
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ok calming down
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why is there a memory of a pawn shop.
Speakers. Spanish speaking people.
It was the biggest pawnshop
its like someone elses memory
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ahhh watched 50 first dates. love that movie.
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ugggg had to reschedule my doctors appointment.
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ahhh homless love it not
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mmmm pizza
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le sigh