Ima kill myself
#First Officer Log
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FUCKIN TOOTH ACHE
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This Gutiar >>>
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The relation that I spend half my time Venting off and typing in this sever
Is generally depressing
Oh well
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Gene is so silly
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I'm really worried about Paul rn 💔
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I can breath again
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Fits me lol
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You're actually telling me this is Paul and Gene?? 🥲
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WELL LOST MY FUCKING PROGRESS 3 TIMES NOW TO GET THE NEXT JOURNAL ROLE 💔
Oh well
Enjoy this photo of Mr Paws
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Im probably gonna ask for 2 very important rentry url link trade in order to release the information holding it hostage cuz I can AND WILL
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I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
I see skies of blue
And clouds of white
The bright blessed day
The dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces
Of people going by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying
I love you
I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than I'll ever know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Ooh, yes
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HAPPY KISSTORY DAY!!
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By the time your seeing this I'm probably dead
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Woke up to both being alive and being told straight up I was played and led on for 3 months
I’m tired
Maybe I should have disappeared while I had the chance lol
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I’m tired of thisss
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I feel like a fuck up
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I still feel like a fuck up
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Woke up very stressed for some odd reason
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They have feelings 2
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Sorry had to switch accs
Ok I wanted to change the name
But I feel I should keep it like this in a way
Started new diary https://discord.com/channels/842810385895522325/1210673766594646146
To anyone who sees this achived who was very interested in my havic
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Ok fuck it
I’m coming back
Sometimes
Ima see if I can get ownership of my old Form
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Why So Serious?
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And we are back
Yo
My levels saved?
Let me check my coins
!coins @hollow loom
hidden jackalBOT
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Fuck you
My coins aaveddds
Saved**
Mods when they realize I came back into my old Journal to be a Hellian again and vent my ass off
It’s ok I promise
My mom is such a Bitch sometimes 😭
I cant even with her today but
I as a result broke my arm again for the 4the TIME
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I HAVE A FUCKING TOOTH ACHE AGAIN
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He’s so beautiful I can’t 😭
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I love biggy sm
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I get my teeth pulled tomorrow I’m so scared ;.; I’m scared ima die but I have to get them pulled or I’m gonna stay in pain and sick
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Well I’m officially in a relationship again and scared of the outcome
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Me fr
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Prayers for anyone in tornado range stay safe please. 🙏🏿
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With MJs Passing Coming Up I Decided to give you my oc as the smoothest criminal around 🦇
Forgot 1
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I edited my favorite DP cosplayer
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Yes im alive
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This always sticks in my mind
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Damn will new This was fuckin right and damn will payed off doing it
Ima do another
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#845837431151525908
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Seems to me my cancer is getting worse
I’m back to the unable to eat
Without feeling sick
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My intro Remake cuz yeah
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
🦇 Names: Charlie (Ledger)
🦇 Nicknames: Joker or Riddle
🦇Age: 19
🦇 Gender: TransMasc, Male
🦇 Sexuality: Asexual, Lesbian
🦇 Pronouns: He/E/It/Delu/Thing/Elli
🦇 Languages: Hebrew, Japanese and Korean (English)
🦇 Likes: Dark, Black, Sleeping, Music and Asmr
🦇 Dislikes: Taylor Swift, Life, Morning
🦇 Triggers: Use of the N word, some Texting Tones
🦇 Hobbies: I edit
🦇 Music: 80s and 90s >>
🦇 Joker, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, Joaquin Phoenix, Joe Elliot, Jim Carey, Riddler, Batman, DeadPool, DadPool, DedPool and James Ledger (TikTok Joker) are my Current hyperfixations
🦇 Extra: I use “🦇” a lot at the end of sentence it’s a texting quirk of mine, Please PLEASE PLEASE use tone tags when chatting with me Ty and English is my 3rd Language so I may mess spellings up sometimes I apologize
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Might remake but yeah this is remake again 🦇
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Just got in trouble in a sever for no fucking reason by owners so I took it upon myself to actually take a 2 week break from the sever so yeah
Absolute bullshit
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I’m so fucking done
I just am tired of waking up to the same bullshit everyday wondering why my cancer and Depression haven’t killed me yet
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DANCE MAGIC DANCE!!!!
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My Health Keeps Declining I think my Cancer is Getting Worse
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Hurts
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Anyways
Been a while since I was able to Have a letter neckless 🙂 proud to have James owning my neck and hart now Just as Michael did
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Lowkey just wanna off myself
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I hate it
I wanna give James as Rose nebulaaaaaaaa 😭
And get my name Tattooed on his arm for permanent
But i don’t have 200 Bucks 🥲
I hate this
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I’m so fucking done with living bruh
But like giving up on James isn’t easy that a reason to keep going I love him so much and want to forever be able to see him if I offed myself I would loose that ability
I adore him with every fiber of my being
Ok so
I have made my mind to do something
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A - is for Anxiety is Just a normal response to being over welmed
B - is for breathing it doesn’t help but it’s a good exercise
C - is for Calm when you are calm you have better reactions and can think straight
D - is for Do it in your own time don’t hurry yourself it never helps
E - is for Everything isn’t the end of the world it’s just a bad day not bad life
F - is for Fuck it we ball
G - is for Good affirmations don’t put yourself down it only makes you feel a lot worse
H - is for have fun sometimes getting out of your shell and going places instead of depressing about is good
I - is for Ice coffee no depressio ONLY EXPRESSO
J - is for Judgment Don’t listen to wtf people say BE YOURSELF AND DONT HAVE A IMAGE TO MAINTAIN
K - is for don’t my vibe
L - Listen to music even if you make yourself go def who gives a fuck it drownds out the world say fuck it we ball and blare that shit uppppp~
M - is for Make up use your imagination and Make up a safe place to exape for a few hours
N is for - Say No sometimes it’s ok I promise
O - is for YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER..UNLESS YOU MAKE IT GET BACK UP
P - is for have patience nothing happens right away
Q - is for Quiet time sometimes you need to be aloneee and that’s ok
R - is for Read a Book go on you know you wanna know if the vampire ends up blood lusting his lady (Joking) but fr read a book to leave even if it’s 18+ 😭
S - is for Stay Safe No no no Put that sharp object down no need to drive it it’s not good no no breath SKIN IS NOT TOMATO WHERES YOU CAN HAVE FLUID COME OUT AND BE FINE THATS ALSO NOT HOW KETCHUP IS MADE DEARRR
T is for - Talk to en adult please it will help
U - is for understanding please think as understand before going to crazy places and distances
V - is for Value your are Valued even tho you may feel worthless people out there do care about you
W - is for write sometimes you can write your feelings down I recommend it
X - is for I got nothing idkkkkk 😭
Y - Is for Your Loved <333
Z is for - GO THE FUCKING ZOO
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Fucking piece of shit
FUCKING PIECE OD SHIF
Fucking you
I fucking hate you
I fucking hate you
With every fiber of my being
I fucking hate you
I hope your house burns down from Toast fuck up
I FUCKING HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
I FUCKING HATE YOU
SO MUCH
I FUCKKKING HATE YOU
I FUCKIBG HATE YOU
Hurt me for no reason
Fucking lowlife Lier just like your fuckin brother sayed
Fuck you
Go to hell
Go to hell
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
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These 2 songs
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But love letters always are the best
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Degenerate Fuck
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Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed u to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is.
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No
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Crazy 1 month
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💔
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HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE, FINALLY LA END OF WEEK 🖤 HAVE A GOOD DAY OR NITE OR EVEN AFTERNOON DEPENDING ON YOUR TIMEZONE
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I love how he can hurt me and I still love him while also hating his ever living guts
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I don’t give a fuck anymore
If my mother dies before my 21st birthday ima drink myself to death
I can’t do this anymore
Loosing James has been the worst thing ever
The fact I hurt him without any intention and have him hurt me back with every intention hurts a lot
I wanna take a rachit and carve my name into his forehead and watch the blood drip while repeating you fuck why hurt me so
I gave you love and showed you how much I can be of good regardless of dating or just adoreing you
I’m a lesbian..I don’t. Love men I just hold them close in platonic love
I CANT EVEN INTERACT WITH YOU ANYMORE CUZ YOU SCARE ME AT ANY MOMENT CUZ OF THAT NITE
ALL CUZ OF A FUCKING FAILED MARRIAGE YOU CAME INTO MY DMS AND TELL ME OFF KNOWING YOU SIGNED UP AND MADE A ACC AND HAD THE EVERY INNTENTION TO KNOW YOU WAS GONNA HAVE SIMPS WHO LOVE YOU AND WILL COMMENT SUCH THINGS AND HOT EDITS AND HAVE FAN ACCS AND HAVE CLIPS OF YOU PUBLIC FACELESS OR NOT
You have NO RIGHT FOR FAMING A DEAD CELB FOR YOUR OWN FAME YOU DISGUSTING FEEND AND I GROW TO WONDER WHY YOUR BROTHER HATES YOU SO CUZ YOU DO 1 THING AND COMPLETELY ANOTHER YOU HOLD MODS CLOSER THEN YOUR OWN FANS AND ATTACK EX SUPPORTERS WITHOUT THINKING THEM AND FORCLAIM THEIR MONEY AS YOURS THEY BARROWED
ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW MUCH EVIL YOU GOTTEN FROM MONEY THERE IS NOT FUCKING MESSAGE YOU WANT MONEY
YOU ARE SO GONE..that even satan can’t grasp and understanding of who you are James
GET HELP PLEASE AND STOP BEING A NARCISSIST TO YOUR FANBASE
That felt good to get out
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I FUCKING HATE HIM
IM 1 PILL AWAY FROM KILLING MYSELF
MY MOTHER HAS MY TICKET TO HELL
I WANNA KILL MYSELF
I WANNA SUFFER A PAINFUL DEATH AND MAKE SURE MY SCREAMS OF AGONY HAUNT EVERYONE
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All is fine
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I love this boy so much but he look my love and shoved it down my throat. And now I’m the 1 apologizing so we don’t go to extreme lengths and commit crimes that hurt each other
I wanted to dox the fuck out of him
But I couldn’t hurt him
I hold him to close to commit something more vile
I hurt so much it’s making me so dizzy and ill
And so much as so I tryed overdoesing now 4 times
Why should I be the 1 to apologize
WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BE THE 1 TO APOLOGIZE
It’s not my fucking fault
And now I sit here on the fact my expression of love might have made him kill himself
Please come back
Please make it be the way it use to be
I hate screaming at night and hating myself for what I did
Ima take another nap
Needa sleep this pain off
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It’s normal for him to be off for a week but the mini message he sent to me is concerning
Idk
The sever is active but not him
Ima boost the sever again soon and see if he’s ok
Without shedding worry that will make him bark at me again
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Make this pain in my chest leave 💔
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This 💔
My lover's a serial killer
But he don't need no trigger
'Cause I know he’s heartless
he stole my heart, it's true
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This song >>>
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Fuckkk
I hate myself
Who would even love someone as ugly as me
Maybe that’s why he hates me so much I’m ugly
God I hate thinking on my dysphoria like this
When can I just Die??
I’m tired of living
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I wish I loved you in the '90s
'Cause I know that we would work
Say wrong place, wrong time, should've been alive
Bet it wouldn't hurt
If I had loved you in the '90s
Back when life wasn't a blur
Say right guy, right vibe, wouldn't have to try
Bet it wouldn't hurt
If I had loved you in the '90s
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Todays Question: What's a lie that you were told as a child that you believed until an embarrassing age?
(Bonus points if you say what age)
My answer: This was actually a lie to myself I was little and knew the singer Barry white very well but had never seen him so I had a foster day I had actually pictured looking like him…I am around age 17 and on a walk with my mom when she breaks the news to me that Barry white was never white 😭 but of color..and still to this day I’m so embarrassed it took me 17 years to find that out
No hate I love his music and him but I’m just so…suprised 😭 I blame the “white” part of the last name for playing a big part in that
I need this man
Biblically
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I swear to god I’m at my wits fucking end
I wanna grab a knife and slash the fuck out of my throat
Found out earlier that my friend has to go into open hart surgery and KNOWING THAT ITS ABOUT A 90% DEATH RATE
IMA FUCKING LOSE YET ANOTHER FRIEND THIS YEAR FOR STUPID REASONS
I’m so fucking done
CAN I JUST HAVE 1 YEAR WERE NOTHING DIES?? JUST A 1 year break from death JUST A 1 year fucking break
AGHHHHH
What the fuck??
Intro update
Name: Dinner
Age: Adult
Can I have other info?: NoOoOo you may not-
Looks so much better
Im getting sick again
Just a mini reminder when I put dashes between my sentences it means that it’s a new topic and has nothing to do with the previous
When discord won’t have a new message enabled cuz of time being the same
I could simply customize it but that would ruin the point of the auto mod and I don’t wanna go against the rules by sending a photo with a banned word
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I randomly got banned from posting for no reason on my TikTok
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Mom is ok
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E
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It’s hopeless for my mothers health 💔
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Not feeling my birthday
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Love this smmmmm
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Almost lost my journal
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Fucking fell in love to find out he’s in love with someone else, I knew it was gonna happen but to have it right before my eyes rips out my fucking hart out can’t sleep and jus wanna kill myself but if I did such it would hurt him..and I don’t wanna hurt him
Fucking hell
Why is love so fuckin difficult
ITS NOT FAIR
ITS NOT FUCKIN FAIR
POR QUE?
POR QUE?
POR QUE?
POR QUE?
POR QUE?
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Enjoy these animals with flowers
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Welcome to My Phantasm
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E
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E
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It’s currently 5 AM in the morning
I woke up from a dream not scary but it struck a nerve…I had dreamt my mother passed away…so I had to go out and see if she was still breathing while she was sleeping, ima dread the day…
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Just plain fuckin tired
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I go to see Nick Tomorrow and I’m so fucking close to relapsing out of anger and depression rn
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We are so fucking tired We been dealing with bullshit with someone who is aware of us but still decided to trigger our system and yell at us and protectors are even effected I’m basically the only alter that can stay in front cuz everyone is refusing to take my place - Evynn
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Today is a day of rememberince the day we realize we are lucky to be alive even tho we may not have the best life cuz 3,000 people didn’t have a choice R.I.P to all the innocent souls of 9/11/01 ⏳🖤🪄
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Why the fuck did you have to make me witness you ||killing yourself|| right in front of me in church on 9/11 of all days and places;.;
R.I.P 💔
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I’m alive
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I’m still alive
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.-.
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Which is better..Star Trek Or Star Wars
Star Trek - 🛸
Star Wars - ⚔️
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Everything hurts and I feel like I’m dying
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My mother put baby oil in my scalp and now it burns so fuckin bad
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Things hurt..I fell an love I moved on just I thought she just wanted to be friends…we get into a heated argument..and I’m the 1 to ghost off after sending a message about how I’m feeling And now when I end up going off and ending thing for now she starts begging and realizing what she did..no it’s to late I’m to hurt
Wanna kms
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HAHAHHAHAHAHAH
I HATE MY FICKING LIFE
IM TO BLAME FOR OVERYTHING
MY GF DECIDED TO TAKE HER LIFE
I CANT DO THOS
I FEEL LIKE I FAILER
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I have changed a lot since I did this 1
I hate my life
Keeping a promise I won’t be able TO FUCKING KEEP
Oh I won’t crawl to SS every time something happens
MY MYOHER IS GETTING FUCKING MARRIED
TO A MAN THAT MIGHT ABUSE US BOTH
What’s the point???
Not to mention MY FUCKING CANCER IS FLARING AND MY DOCTORS STILL GIVE NO FUCKS TO DIAGNOSE IT
I have all the signs
SAME WITH MY FUCKING HART
I have a hart condition and they can’t find shit rong
I’m done
Fucking done
Then I got a gf I gotta pervent from killing herself and almost FAILED YESTERDAY CUZ SHE NEARLY TOOK HER LIFE I FELT SO FUCKIN HELPLESS
Like it was my fault cuz I started the fucking fight
And she ended it
All fuck she was fucking moody
I felt neglected
So I’m back over here SUFFERING in silence to make sure she stays alive I don’t want to loose her
The masculine Urge to By a g*n and just blow my brains out bruh
I feel like I should just stay here with the shit I say so I don’t ryl her up with my cents
Vents**
Fucking DONE
My failed Diarys
They are just archive memories at this pint
Point
;…..;
Please
That scared the living shit out of me
Thought I got in trouble 😭
Ahh
;(.
The pain is never fucking ending bruh
Make it stopppppp
This
Some Good things Tho
I GET TO SEE MY NICKY BEAR EVERYDAY
THIS Season
I been so sick without him
I haven’t killed myself cuz I know how much it would hurt him
And I don’t want my mother giving the news
I can if I wanted..my mother has my ticket
But do I really want to sneak it to hurt my crush?
The man that means the absolute world to me
Who was there when I was hurting most
No
I love him to much to hurt him in such a vile wya
He’s so handsome 🥺
I wanna mark him so bad but he’s in love with somebody else 💔
I would give anything to have this man call me his..ANYTHING
;(.
I’m gonna probably get myself drunk lol
Still wanna KMS tbh
I love my gf tho
Tbh
I always new in the back of my mind I would never get Nick but I liked to picture us actually being something
Love him at a distance I guess ;(.
But if I had to choose between my gf and Nick I would choose my gf without a doubt I love her and nothing can change that not even a chance with Nick
1 pill away
JUST 1
JUST 1 FUCKING PILL
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I need a fucking g*n license to even handle one to have the chance to sh**t my brains out even then I DONT YAVE RHE FUCKING GUTS 🥹
KMS KMS KMS KMS KNS
MAKE THIS STOP
No one loves me it all a fucking Lorre
Lie**
Ok uh..
That was a wonderful crash out
I’m ok now Atlest for now
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Fml
KMS
IM FUCKING DONEESS
I DONT WANNA LIVE ANYMORE
Wanna grab the pill and fucking end it all
I’m tired
I can’t anymore
I’m tired
Very very very fucking tired
It’s difficult numbing all the shit inside acting like I’m fine
IM NOT
Never will be
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Idk tbh
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First Officer Log
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Just
CAN I FUCKING DIE?
It’s 4 fucking AM AND I CANT FUCKING SLEEP
KMS KMS KMS KMS KMS KMS LMS KMS KMS LMS
Finding out around 12 that ANOTHER ONE OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS DIED ISNT HELPING ME
Feel like a failure
Wanna take a g*n and paint the walls in red 🥹
MAKE THIS ACHING IN MY HART AND SICKNESS IN MY STOMACH STOP
Never ending
Cycle
KILL MYSELF
Fml
I’m gonna do it IDGAF
Just 1 more hr
Please just get out of my head
This is turmoiling me
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Feel asleep finally to text my gf random bulshit cuz I had the phone in my hand for comfort
What the fuck
And in my first language bro
Internally screaming
I don’t wanna do this no more
Make it stop
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Fucking hate this feeling
Been venting all day for the last 2 days on my fucking twitter
Relapsed
My arm hurts
And I hate the bitch
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Still feel like killing myself
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Life is ok