Akari's Journal ❤🥰 | Huddle | Page 1

mossy wave Sep 6, 2023, 10:50 PM

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Oooh let's give a quote for the day!

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"Maybe you're running scared because running is better than letting someone else in. But the truth is, you can't spend your whole life running. It's exhausting living I'm fear. Slow down. Chances and risks keep like interesting." Pillow Thoughts, Pg. 165 <3

mossy wave Sep 9, 2023, 4:32 AM

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Idk man.. I'm so sick of false hopes that I get given.

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I truly loved this person with all of my heart

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YES I made mistakes

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And yes I was the jealous type

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But I would give him the freedom he wanted

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And I gave him all of the love and attention he wanted

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I tried my best

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I bought gifts

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I sent him money

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I would buy him food..

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It hurts to know that no matter how much I tried, this person just.. easily blocks me and forgets about me that easily.

mossy wave Sep 9, 2023, 2:30 PM

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Now thinking more about it, I do not need that person in my life. I do not want someone who's going to easily give up when things get tough. I want someone who is willing to fight. Fight along my side, not with me. I need someone who's going to be there for me at all times and I'll be there for them at all times. It's 50/50.. tho some days will be 70/30. As long as we are there for each other and we fight for each other, that is what counts.

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I need to stop having a low self esteem.. because if I do, I attract partners thst have no motivation in life, no goals, no nothing. I only bring issues and problems into my life by having low self esteem.

mossy wave Sep 9, 2023, 10:11 PM

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Ngl I feel lonely.. but I think I'd rather feel that than to feel anxious

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Or the constant checking up on someone

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Or feeling as if im not getting enough alone time for me

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Thats how it would feel sometimes ngl, being in call 24/7 and with camera on would sometimes make me feel trapped

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I would ask for alone time but he would feel like I was abandoning him.. which I understand but at the same time.. looking back at how he said I made him feel trapped.. I never understood why he would say that when I would let him be with friends and such.. but I can understand the whole being on call 24/7

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Hehe

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I feel good <3

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Nowh i go eat cuz food is ready

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Woo

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hugs

mossy wave Sep 10, 2023, 12:33 AM

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I'm crying.

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My bed is so fucking comfortable

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UGHH

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AND MY ROOM IS GIVING FALL VIBES

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CUZ I GOT OUT MY FALL DECOR SHTUFF

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I'm planning on making some or buying some

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Jfhejdhf

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THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

mossy wave Sep 10, 2023, 6:20 AM

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I love my cat

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HE so beautiful

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HE THICC

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AND COOT

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I think he's cold so I covered him with my blanket

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Ik damn well that stinker is probably gonna get away once I fall back asleep

mossy wave Sep 10, 2023, 1:42 PM

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Ya can lead a horse to water

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But ya can't make it drink

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It's raining and I love it!

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I love the sound of rain

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I feel so at peace for once

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Though.. sis and I are going to the mall, I'm planning on buying things to start a scrapbook

mossy wave Sep 10, 2023, 10:53 PM

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I've been wanting to start scrapbooking and I've already gotten some supplies but I feel like I need more SCsobbing2

mossy wave Sep 11, 2023, 12:04 AM

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My supplies but still need some featuring my cats tail

mossy wave Sep 11, 2023, 11:19 AM

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I'm trynna put money in my college card so I can get Starbucks once I'm at the campus.. but I forgot my password and the stupid password reset email isn't appearing SCsobbing2

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SCudidnt

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THIS IS A TRAGEDY

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SCfall

mossy wave Sep 11, 2023, 1:55 PM

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I got to login and such

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I got my STARBUCKIES

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WOO

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I also got to school on time and currently talking to my friend

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I've missed her and I've missed talking to people

mossy wave Sep 11, 2023, 8:09 PM

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We love backhanded compliments 😭❤️

mossy wave Sep 11, 2023, 11:48 PM

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Now im questioning

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Am I ugly?

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8800nosleep

mossy wave Sep 12, 2023, 1:22 AM

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Thank you to the beautiful person that reacted with that huddleshibaheart

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Hehe.. made me feel better <3
Tho.. crying rn cuz I'm thinking about my ex

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And well.. I saw a tiktok about this beautiful couple

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I just wonder, when will I ever get thqt type of love?

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I thought I had it with my ex but I was wrong

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I just wish he came back sometimes..

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But like I said before, I don't want him back. He showed me that he can't be there with me during the tough times. He isn't willing to communicate. He wasn't willing to get better for me or for himself or for us.

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He wasn't able to plan dates or do small cute things for me..

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I appreciate the long paragraphs he would send me every morning..

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But.. I just wanted more small things

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Or big things

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I wanted him to.. just.. do better for himself..

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I wanted him to find his purpose in life..

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I cried to him telling him to get better, to find a job or to go to school..

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Or find a therapist

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I cried to him that if we had children, I didn't want them to go through poverty.. I had some sort of experience with that while growing up.. I never want my children to ever go through that.

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I want better for me

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For my future family

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And my future spouse.

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I also want better for my family.. I want to repay my parents for all the support they have given me.

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I want to repay my sister for always being here for me and for comforting me while I've been struggling

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I hope I find a man.. that does so good in life. A man with goals and motivation to keep going.

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Someone who's going to be there for me and I will be there for them

mossy wave Sep 12, 2023, 10:51 AM

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Getting readyyy

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For schooollesjdndnd

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I suck at talking to people online

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I'm better irl..

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Sorta?

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I mean I'm quiet but I listen to them and nod and stuff

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Maybe online isn't for me 😭💀

mossy wave Sep 12, 2023, 11:59 AM

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I am BorEd

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I made sure to eat this morning cuz my stomach be making weird sounds when the class stays quiet 8800nosleep

mossy wave Sep 13, 2023, 12:38 AM

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Hmm..

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I sometimes wonder what im doing wrong

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Today was not a good day ig

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It's okay to have bad days

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I hope tomorrow is a good day <3

mossy wave Sep 14, 2023, 3:53 PM

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I just want love

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I want to be loved

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I want the attention

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I want to feel safe

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I want to feel like im the only one

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Is it hard to ask for thst

mossy wave Sep 14, 2023, 9:54 PM

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I just keep failing

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Over and iver

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Over*

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No matter how hard I look

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I just fail

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Maybe love isn't meant for me

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Maybe I do deserve to be alone

mossy wave Sep 15, 2023, 2:20 AM

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Why is this hitting me so hard

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Why the fuck did you hurt me

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What the fuck

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What the fuck did I do to you??

mossy wave Sep 15, 2023, 3:32 PM

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I feel much better

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I took my pills again

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Maybe being on lexapro is better than not being on it

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I had a whole mental breakdown yesterday night

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So I took them

#Akari's Journal ❤🥰