Mila's Journal | Huddle | Page 2

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 4:34 AM

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I guess that's what actual friends are like.

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 5:04 AM

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bearsh_milkshy

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I went back and that person never answered how they were doing. 😔

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I miss rice carrying newcomers. I asked him to rejoin but he said pretty much said no.

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 5:58 AM

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Patience's a virtue and communication's key to make anything work. PI_AngelPray

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I'm back to being misunderstood.

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All good, we talked things out.

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I just got a funny idea sooo I'mma make a note to ask all my close friends something later. Hopefully I won't forget to check the note though mochieyes

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 2:24 PM

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The things I wake up to lol

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But I'm happy to see people get confidence and make more friends.

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 2:48 PM

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My besties are on so I'm already feeling much better. catbongo

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 3:31 PM

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Might take a nap. I'm back to barely understanding anything I read soooo I won't chat much.

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 5:25 PM

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I'm uhhh still getting used to compliments and I don't see myself as an angel. I just think everyone else is. bunnylove

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Still nice to read though 🥲

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Plus I was busy cuddling with my kittens, might still take a nap.

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Still love how silly huddler is most of the time. Of course my shyness kicks in with crowds.

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Seeing anything Tiffany Valentine though makes me happy since I love her or just Jennifer Tilly period. eveheart

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 6:02 PM

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Got to talking about kids with an ex. Makes me sad that I'll probably be alone forever thx to my trust issues and maybe can't adopt either. I'd want a kid to have a better childhood than I did but Idk if I can give 'em that. Idk if I'll ever be mentally there and my fear of meds doesn't help. And they'd be without a father, Ik what that's like. I still wonder what love is too sometimes. sadness

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Mini vent, that was hard to put.

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Maybe cause last time I talked about life to someone they said I was "too dumb." Can't be called it here, at least not in this.

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 6:58 PM

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I barely feel like welcoming people anymore. That was my use besides a sticker. 😔

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I feel pretty in my dress and wig though. catbongo

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 7:54 PM

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Just found out a new allergy and I hate it. 1553_so_many_tears

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Can't enjoy a lotta things.

normal latch Jul 6, 2023, 8:40 PM

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Man, all the things I wanna talk about in this. Don't think it'd help me look less like a "problem" or something though.

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Maybe someday 🤷‍♀️

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 12:39 AM

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Hmm, for once I'm tired early. Maybe I'll finally fix my sleep schedule. mochieyes

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Ehhhh I'mma watch Sean then sleep before 9 maybe. BunnyGoodNight

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 9:52 AM

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Went to sleep before 10, woke up at 4. That's why I hate going to bed early cause waking up hella early's weird for me. At least I'm well rested. 😔

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Lately I've been feeling like a dry texter too. My friends swear I'm not but I wish people didn't lie. At least nobody calls me "pretty" or something anymore.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 10:51 AM

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I have moved on BunnyPray

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What my friends say goes and reminded me to be a little selfish sometimes and consider my own mental wellbeing and sanity. That'll help me not to worry as much and wanting to reach out to people.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 6:11 PM

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Yeah I'll probably never fix my sleep schedule. Idk how I got tired so early....

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 6:26 PM

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Ugh, the one time I was gonna play video games and I think Charlie started destroying some pc cords. I can't play without sound, especially Subnautica. mochieyes

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avoids crashzone and dunes ehhh still too scary

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 7:20 PM

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God damn complicated situations Idk why I get myself in. 1553_so_many_tears

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Kinda tempted to say screw relationships again. Damn voices....Damn heart...Wish I didn't have 'em.

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I feel bad hugging people that wanna be left alone. Good to respect wishes but they also clearly need a hug. sadness

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 7:43 PM

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Little bit of selfish rant, as usual nobody cares how I feel. Always trying to work things out with barely any help since pretty much everyone I talk to can't communicate period. Takes 2 to make things work? No wonder nothing works then. Now ex just told me he wasn't "completely honest" when talking to a girl that was flirting sooo that doesn't help my paranoia but I also try to fix my damn trust issues and not flat out say cheating.

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The tangent I almost went on

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Not just relationships, maybe too dark even for this.

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I don't feel like chatting much today anyway.

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Tbh, I wish I could "bottle up emotions" and not care as much. I grew up thinking it was better to be open and honest with emotions. Such a weird mindset I guess since almost none of my friends have it. I wish I didn't give a damn either.

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Hmm

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So used to caring for others and worrying. I neglect my own needs and sanity then I get hurt or called "obsessive" and I hate being selfish. Wish I could be as cold as my old friends.

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I'll probably forget but that'd be an interesting tangent. I gotta clean since my bro's visiting and we're gonna play games. catbongo

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 8:29 PM

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Yeah sometimes it's better not to talk anymore. Not to have an opportunity.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 8:54 PM

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All the chances I've given people and yet I get little to none in return. Well I'm feeling much better after venting and eating now.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 9:09 PM

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Got to thinking about my sis though. How she meant the world to me then threw me under a bus like I was nothing. Wish I never met her.

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All the arguments she started and me apologizing to make her happy and to make things work.

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When she only apologized twice, when I got hella mad.

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It was over petty things and another friend pointed out how much of friends we were when we somehow made it work.

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Haunts me missing her, little bits of wisdom but mostly wtf things I let slide.

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I really gotta start keeping my negativity in this.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 10:30 PM

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Weights off my shoulders. Wish I could thank everyone for blocking me. In a way it helps me to heal after the bs they put me through. I'm not perfect either but I don't play as much as others have.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 10:48 PM

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But yeah, I can't with cheaters. Idk if I could stay friends with one too. Told him gl and I hope he's happy. PI_AngelPray

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Moving on, had fun with my bro. We didn't play games but talked about relationships. He gets a good laugh outta my drama.

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I wonder when a pool closes, I really wanna swim now or just fresh air period.

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Really I need new scenery too. I still miss Texas.

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Man first the incident now this. I'mma just enjoy chatting with my friends for awhile instead of relationships.

normal latch Jul 7, 2023, 11:26 PM

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My own fault but I checked the last dms he left. A little insincerity helps push me deeper. The more drama I'm in, the more I change. I wonder if being nice and caring's good anymore. People say it's bad. I wanna be uncaring and cold but Idk how. I just can't be, it's who I am being a pushover or something I guess.

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A part of me feels bad not being a friend supporting people after falling outs or breakups. Another part wonders why I care period. Lots of conflicting emotions.

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But fair's fair, nobody cares to know how I'm doing and if I'm ok. Also, I've yet to see anyone say nice things and Idk why. I don't just point out the negatives in people and remember 'em for it. My sis was wise, gave me good advice, and kept me grounded. I still remember the good in everyone. Zach said I don't remember 'em, I just remember the good moments and maybe he's right.

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Saddens me how cruel people can be.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 1:42 AM

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I wanna put a dark rant but not too sure how to tw it. Would be nice getting it off my chest but I'd feel bad too.

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I'll figure it out later. When I think about it all, my mind jumbles and I get confused. Daily headache starting too, yay.

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Hmm, Idk why I'm still hopeful I'll get the confidence to say hi and compliment someone again. bearsh_milkshy

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 3:41 AM

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Something odd, I just got a surge of self respect after a guy called me "his" when I'm not. Could be what he called me though that makes me wanna ask him nicely not to or well ghost. mochieyes

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I don't like leaving people hanging or not explaining why I'm stopping chatting.

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I guess that's another bad habit Idk.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 4:22 AM

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Just remembered I was gonna crochet a frog. I'm in a server with a channel dedicated to frogs. 😂

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 4:47 AM

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I'll never understand how and why I get FRs from people I don't share servers with. I guess someone coulda joined, tried friending people, then left. 🤷‍♀️

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I'm glad I don't accept just random FRs though, paranoid might be an ex. 2 used to stalk me.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 9:16 AM

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I'm putting my foot down with people that just hmmm let's say reaches out to chat weird instead of trying to be a friend. I'm more than just some pleaser and I ain't being used. Not anymore. My bro's right, about everything and I'm finally taking his advice.

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I ask my pals Jericho, Zach, and Logan for advice too. They all pretty much agree I need to move on, take time for myself, and find new people. I'm just worried nothing's gonna work.

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But just cause I gave up on love doesn't mean I give up on my friends, myself, and my fam still. Silver linings and still hopeful for us all. Maybe not myself as much anymore but I get great joy from 'em and they're all somewhat ok. To me, that's what matters most.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 9:53 AM

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That Things I've Done thing's interesting, think I'mma do it too.

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That ping messed up my perfectionism. 😭

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Gotta try to focus again.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 10:29 AM

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Yeah Idk if I'll put it here. sadness

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 10:58 AM

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Yep, I never learn, just tried to make a new friend. catbongo

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 7:02 PM

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Sometimes I wonder why I leave cried and vents on and check 'em. Idk if it's good or bad I'm relatable to lots of things. Good cause I sympathize, bad cause I get triggered.

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Won't say to what of course.

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Besides, nothing I put matters anyway sooo I don't see a point.

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I'm still thinking about deleting this and leaving the server for good.

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Zach convinced me not to though. Something about this being "inspirational" or something. I still think this is a jumbled mess that's unreadable.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 7:30 PM

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Hmm, a bad I guess habit I used to have. Think I mentioned randomly complimenting but I also used to tell people how amazing they were.

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Guess I'm not as observant anymore or well "happy go lucky" or something.

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Yeah being hurt a lot helps me break those bad habits. I'm very grateful for the lessons everyone taught me. /hj

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Guess I grew up wrong, I haven't been spiritual either.

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Kinda gave up on it after losing hope a lot, meh.

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But would make sense finding faith again and spirituality are a part of self improvement. I miss reading, it was a great form of meditation.

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I just don't like reading myself. Guess I won't dwell on that.

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Never did try writing again, besides writer's block, I lost the motivation and passion again to try. 😔

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My pal Chris has been writing though and was gonna show me his stories after he was done. He's still an inspiration.

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Maybe that'd get my creativity going.

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 8:08 PM

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Just remembered another allergy. 1553_so_many_tears

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 9:59 PM

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Hmm, almost put a rant but doesn't matter. I guess I should be happy, besides, not my problem anymore. 🙂

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Might try writing. catbongo

normal latch Jul 8, 2023, 10:31 PM

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Yeah I can't chat with a headache and tired. Can't think straight.

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Episode sooo I'mma go, guess I'll reply to 'em later. 😔

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Sometimes hard to keep lounge light but I do remember and edit my posts if I think they're too dark for 'em.

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1553_so_many_tears

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Just got hit by like 5 triggers then read that damn qotd. The "what would you like to be asked" whatevs and I regret not answering now.

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Something I'd LOVE to read

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"Would you like a 2nd chance?"

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After I gave soooo many people NOT WORTH MY DAMN TIME AND EFFORT SO MANY CHANCES AND I STILL CARE ABOUT 'EM EVEN AFTER I GET SCREWED OVER BRUH.

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1553_so_many_tears

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Instead I get vilified or shunned. For once I'd love for someone to reach out first. To ask if I'm ok...To actually pretend they care....By people I grew to love so much. People I put on pedestals for god knows what reason....

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I need my alcohol screw this.

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 3:27 AM

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Everything I put looks like alphabet soup.

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Hmm

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I forgot what they wrote about. Reminds me of my poems.

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Except mine are trash, just darkness or dark elements period.

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I do wanna get a tattoo someday though and some things I'll never talk about.

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 4:28 AM

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So tempted to check if I'm blocked by someone lol. I wanna hug him so badly. HugFox

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Always sharing a mind too, oh well.

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 8:04 AM

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Apparently my cheating ex left the server and blocked me. I'm not even mad lol.

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I'mma guess either he thought I was a "problem" too or read this.

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Hmm

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So 2 exes and.....4 failed friendships I think. Meh.

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Yeah I really worry about my judgement of people. I thought my apparently fine with cheating ex was the best outta 'em all before. 🤷‍♀️

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But once a cheater, always a cheater sooo I really hope his new relationship works out.

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 8:43 AM

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I'm taking a break from relationships for awhile and Idk if I wanna be friends. I just wanna ask 'em if they're ok.

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 8:26 PM

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Started explaining but remembered it doesn't matter still lol.

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God dammit, I was looking for that fear jar since I did it too but saw reminders of my exes. sadpuddle

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PI_AngelPray

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I'm fine, a part of recovery's getting rid of reminders anyway. What I believe at least hence deleting my old texts. Not like anyone does it for me. Instead I hide my dms with 'em.

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I like to keep this no cussing, tw things that need to be, not always talking about sad, dark topics.

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It's weird, advice I wanna put here's also a vent but Idk how to word it all.

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Moving on, I still gotta start crocheting again. catbongo

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Idk what to start first though. I'm worried I'mma flip flop between things then give up, as usual. 😔

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I guess crocheting's meditation cause otherwise Idk why I bother. Not like anything I make's good.

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Hmm, ehhh I like my hair, I guess. Like 16 inches of wavy and curls, frizzy mess sometimes. I hate my eyes though. Idk if I mentioned it before but someone remembered me after like 10 yrs cause of my "pretty eyes" like lol.

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Besides a tattoo, someday I'm getting colored contacts too. Wish I had blue. Things near the eyes though kinda scare me. I could never use eyeliners or mascara, just eyeshadow.

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Been told I don't need mascara anyway.

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I don't see the love for long eyelashes, mine get stuck in my eyes and I hate it.

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 10:14 PM

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Meh, not like anything matters. If I don't to my exes then they shouldn't to me either. Think I'mma start crocheting a jellyfish.

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BunnyPray

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Outta sight, outta mind

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Just got to thinking how I was gonna make someone a blanket. Doesn't matter now I guess.

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Hmmmmm

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Half moved on, half wanting to vent.

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Venting cause of the current situation, half moved on cause long time ago. Maybe later.

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If where I lived wasn't boring, I'd get out and about to meet people. No guarantees there'd be chemistry like there is online irl.

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That's something I keep in mind considering meeting long time bfs. mochieyes

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I'm still glad and thankful I found about one guy since he's close. The married guy with kids.

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I'm still curious how someone like that flirts with other people. How he called us besties and yet I found out through a mutual friend....

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All the times I tried talking and he brushed me off or put horrible things.

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Still love how he said I meant nothing to him anyway after a falling out. Stuff people say astounds me sometimes.

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I need more icecream lol

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Zach's on so I'm happy. catbongo

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I might play Terraria and work on a world so Jericho and I play. mochieyes

normal latch Jul 9, 2023, 11:51 PM

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I wonder how some other peeps are doing. I hope everyone's ok. Haven't chatted in awhile but I don't forget people so I might say hi.

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Scrolled up daily check looking for someone's tag....Man just seeing sadness makes me sad. 😔

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Idk why seeing people react to a Shiba heart with Shiba hearts gives me such life.

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God that's wholesome. 🥲 hugs huddleshibaheart

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Hmm, the broken heart

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Seeing that makes me wanna dm him though which I can't.

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And the yellow heart going poof was when I was thinking what to say breaking up. Like being ok but also not. Miss him again now noooooo 1553_so_many_tears

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Screw all my happy hearts. I was doing so well 1553_so_many_tears

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Almost checked old chats too. sadpuddle

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Trying to stay strong and not give a damn for people that don't care about me and maybe never actually did.

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Maybe it's for the best actually now that I look at from a diff perspective.

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Not to reach out I mean.

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And no, not just healing. Not to get another Ms Sarcastic moment.

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Man those emotional rollercoasters. mochieyes

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Still hope people moved on and happy. Someday I shall too fully. BunnyPray

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Think I'mma read, been awhile. Been awhile since I meditated period.

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Besides drinking, it'll help clear my head.

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 1:20 AM

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I forgot to find another friend's tag 😂

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I closed dms. Got stuck in another friend's though, they're doing ok and still doing beautiful drawings. 🥲

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 5:14 AM

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Yeah, good to take a break and focus on myself. I'm thinking about getting a hamster.

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Still miss my guinea pigs sadpuddle

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 10:57 AM

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Been awhile since I stayed up chatting with someone. Last time was when a friend broke up with his gf and he told me at like 3 am so I stayed up chatting with him cause I wanted to. He asked me to stay up longer at like 8 so I did till 11 but I was hella tired so I had to sleep.

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 4:58 PM

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Idk how I feel about a friend telling his friends about me. mochieyes

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Said his friends are looking for friends and he thought I'd be a good fit 🥺

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CatShy

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Damn shyness

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 7:54 PM

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😔

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 8:13 PM

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Damn my openness sadpuddle

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Someday I'mma scare someone else off and not mean to. 1553_so_many_tears

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Horrible scaring anyone period, reading that made me hella sad. sadpuddle

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Also my trust issues.

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Which I was pretty much over but being hurt recently yeah.

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I'll never heal if I dwell on it all though.

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I really wish people would ask to dm me though. Pretty sure I put that in all my intros.

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Patience is a virtue BunnyPray

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Ok I'm calming down

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From a panic attack

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But another one's starting and I kinda wanna hide. 😔

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sadness

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Saw a trigger but I don't wanna be rude ghosting either.

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A number's a trigger for me. Idk if that's normal.

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Being vague I guess, when I see it things usually don't work out.

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 8:54 PM

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So much for keeping lounges light. I'd leave but Idk if I'd keep intergalactic. sadpuddle

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Something odd I just noticed. How new friends seem more caring, asking me if I'm ok, and how I'm doing compared to the old.

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 10:32 PM

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Lots of plans and little to no motivation still. 😔

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I reached out for help and as usual got none.

normal latch Jul 10, 2023, 10:52 PM

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I still wonder if I fit in and belong since I don't chat a lot.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 2:09 AM

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Well I was stoked finally getting esteemed then checked Pengu sadpuddle

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Ik, Ik new people don't know the right channels but I also can't always tell 'em.

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So I guess my own fault then.

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I think instead of drinking I'mma read. Still gotta try writing.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 3:19 AM

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Paranoia's back that I'mma lose a friend to another old friend bearsh_milkshy

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Damn the "matchmaker" joke and I hate the old friend that said it. 😒

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I'm on a fence then between making people happy since one would think more friends is fun but I lose everyone too.

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Then I remembered the old situation and maybe it's for the best.

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Cause I used to think someone was a besty and she quickly proved me wrong.

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WHY DO I DO WHAT I DO?! Sometimes I just wanna drink and vanish still sadpuddle

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I hate being nice, just leads to heartbreaks when I let bad people back in or misunderstandings when people think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice since they needed lots of hugs. sad_chick

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I STILL WISH I COULD HUG HIM TOO 7816takemylove

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Damn emotions, my heart hasn't been broken enough or something.

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I recover thx to my friends and fam cheering me up. I start to move on then slide again. Maybe it is my fault like someone said after I got really hurt.

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Granted he didn't know the entire situation. If he did and still blamed me well then it's really bad.

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Hmm

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Started explaining but my mind went blank. Often happens after I'm triggered. I shutdown, can't think, get a headache, shake, and can't type.

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Just remembered to take my meds. I hate the physical side effects sometimes but I guess they help mentally.

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Oh

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I thought of the last time I was hospitalized. 😔

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I was having an episode and a guy yelled at me losing his patience. I felt bad so I calmed down and explained and he calmed down too.

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One would think that shouldn't happen but Idk anymore.

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Think I calmed down after being scared and I felt bad making him feel bad.

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OOOOOOOOOH RIGHT, I apologized and he didn't, we just moved on.

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It was my first time being away from home alone so I had abandonment issues and missed a call to fam.

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I've only been hospitalized twice, at 12 then 16. Been thinking about going to another respite since self coping only goes so far. 😔

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16

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TW suicide, overdose:

||Woulda avoided some problems if I just ended it back then. A near hanging I mighta mentioned here if I didn't well, it was after some pretty bad bullying. Still haunts me sometimes but I got some rope and went to a tree. Tied it, put it around my neck, and climbed the trunk. Almost jumped but know how people say your life flashes before your eyes before ya die? I got racing thoughts of the past, present, and future. The past so the why, present which could also be why, but the future so some potential hope, even if false. I didn't have much till the thought of my bro and who'd take care of him if I died. At the time we were in foster care. Wasn't sure if mom could take care him so I got worried. I climbed down and went home. Told my bro a few yrs later that he saved me that day. He laughed and said I shoulda hung myself anyway.||

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😔

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I still don't think I matter, I just wanna hug everyone else. hugs

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 5:12 AM

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Found a distraction so I'm already feeling better.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 5:49 AM

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Eating and cuddling with my puppy helps too. catbongo

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Still gotta do a lotta crochet. I pretty much gave up on writing again.

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I still think nothing I write's good. I just compliment others hopefully encouraging 'em.

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Checked old posts again. sadpuddle

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Of this

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Back when I talked about 1553_so_many_tears

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BunnyPray

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Eat and meditate, finally doing breathing exercises again.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 6:46 AM

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Just remembered why I didn't read anymore. sadpuddle

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Guess I'll try to finish though.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 7:15 AM

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I wonder how I start convos and chat so freely with people....And how they chat back despite claiming to be hella shy.....

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 7:32 AM

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Yeah I'm convinced I deserve everything I've gotten and I'll never change. Guess it's a habit reaching out to lonely people. Why I'm down about it, been losing friends or just nothing works out so I'm worried things might be futile.

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But good others aren't lonely though, we all need someone to talk to. A shoulder to cry on or just a chuckle. Just saying hi can make someone's day.

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I never learn 1553_so_many_tears

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I blame my spirituality. Things I live by, morals and values. Things not easily changed. Way I was raised which....

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Mostly a me problem nvm. sadpuddle

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God I'm boring and dry. I wonder if people just tolerate me sometimes to be nice.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 4:07 PM

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sighs 🥲

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I'm back to missing Christian. sadness

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Ik I shouldn't but he was the best guy for me and I dumped him over something he probably considered small but was big to me. sadpuddle

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Really wanna dm and try to work things out. Idk how people move on so quickly. I used to think they just didn't care but now I see perhaps blocking back's a way to heal too. I just see it as space and unblock people soon after, maybe he needs more time. Maybe we both do. sadness

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I'm starting to wonder if it's common to just wanna randomly disappear. Like Ik I should get out and about, maybe a vacay before school starts but sometimes I'd like to get away from the city and live in a forest. Not just people but change of scenery I guess.

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But I can't stay away from fam since I take care of 'em and they're somewhat supports too.

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Plus I can't decide if I should just stick with states I've been to or not. Familiar scenery so more homey, by that I mean Texas and I haven't been in forever or a new place.

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Still not looking at going back to Louisiana.

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Still gotta finish reading, got busy texting new friends. catbongo

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 4:48 PM

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Yeah I just don't wanna today. Wish I could sleep all day but gotta run errands. sadpuddle

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Wow, I just read something that reminded me of uhh something. Not sure if I have it or many things. Guess I'll look into therapy again.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 5:15 PM

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Idk if I put that poem here or not. I'm worried it'd make me look "bad" or something after opening up period got me pretty much called hella crazy or something.

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Which, I don't even talk about dark things often. I had an episode and felt bad. Even then, I've had worse.

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Anyway, I'm glad lots of people don't care anymore. I feel like I can be myself when I'm not judged, brushed off, or screwed over.

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But yeah, my memory's still bad but pretty sure I didn't put this already. Sometimes I forget my poems even exist.

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Weird how chat gets sometimes after I post....I feel like a "bad luck" charm. sadpuddle

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 7:31 PM

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I'm thinking about changing careers again. Realized earlier thinking about college makes me think about Christian too since we wanna do the same thing. sadpuddle

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Man first the teacher thing, realizing I can't be a nurse, now this. I might just give up.

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1553_so_many_tears

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He was so perfect and I ruined everything with my damn trust issues. roosadpanda

#

Tried to make things work but couldn't. Miss him like crazy again.

#

Left a void no other happiness and my friends can't fill.

#

Back to wondering what the hell to do with my life.

#

Why do painkillers cause pain?

#

Ehhh I deserve it nvm

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 9:17 PM

#

Took my meds after like what? 2 weeks? Also ate, even stuff I'm allergic to makes me feel emotionally better at least.
Stress eating. 😔

#

I wonder how much of a pain I am bugging people. I thought I was doing people favors being nice and reaching out but maybe not.

#

Probably for the best I didn't reach out to everyone then. Especially Christian.

#

Another thing I just noticed but I'll wait and see how things turn out. Might get better, might not be a problem after all.

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 9:53 PM

#

I didn't wait.

#

Well kinda did but not long. Oh well I guess.

#

Hmmm

#

Oddly relieved

#

Or do I give people more chances?

#

Cause might be accidental sure or moments.

#

I'm sure he'd call me it again

#

Hmm, maybe people would take me seriously if I didn't give the benefit of the doubt and chances as often.

#

Don't think it'd look good no matter what I do. Especially since it's like an old situation.

#

I should have more patience, especially for people that can actually communicate with me. BunnyPray

#

Rare and nice

normal latch Jul 11, 2023, 10:45 PM

#

Yeah I'm fine, glad things worked out and I might watch Code Lyoko. My most fav show growing up.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 12:59 AM

#

Weird day when the cheating ex dms me......Man to check or not.....

#

Someone that clearly didn't care about my feelings reaches out yet nobody else does.

#

Hmm, weird realization

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 2:36 AM

#

pepelaughhaha

#

Logan wanted me to do trivia with him sooo I put like a 100 questions lol.

#

Love spending time with him. catbongo

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 3:13 AM

#

Of course he knows pretty much everything anyway.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 3:38 AM

#

Bro didn't know like 3 questions but got the other ones right while explaining some lol.

#

Also, I guess I should be grateful for an old friend or ex reaching out. Unexpected but a nice change.

#

Doesn't mean I'mma chat and forgive but I'll consider it since that little bit of caring's appreciated. huddleshibaheart

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 4:13 AM

#

I forgot to change my status.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 4:41 AM

#

I'm feeling much better after chatting with peeps. I'm grateful for the friends I've made here which is pretty much my circle since I don't chat anywhere else. mochieyes

#

Really helps me through hard times. bunnylove

#

And yes, I've had falling outs with pretty much 'em all but we talk things out. 🙂

#

Especially Zach and Logan, my besties and Idk where I'd be without 'em.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 5:10 AM

#

Hmm

#

I was right

#

Oh well

#

Might chat with Josh all night again. The guy I mentioned before but didn't name at the time since I didn't wanna get my hopes up. He's nice but we're not looking for relationships rn. Just friends is fine anyway. bunnylove

#

I'mma try writing. Chris gave me some great motivation earlier with his determination and great prompts.

#

Recently got interested in zines. Might try to make one, not like I could finish my comic anyway.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 5:53 AM

#

Feeling useless again, what's the point in trying when I keep failing?

#

Nothing I do is ever good enough

#

Paranoid I'm just making things worse when I'm trying to help and comfort people 1553_so_many_tears

#

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a people person period. To some extent I gotta work with and tolerate so much. Sometimes I'd rather work alone faraway from everyone.

#

Forgot to call my college, guess I'll do it later unless I forget like everything else. sadpuddle

#

Oh man

#

1553_so_many_tears

#

I'mma just....See if Logan's still up and calm down.....

#

WHY DID I CHECK AGAIN AAAAAAAAAA pleadcry

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 8:04 AM

#

Might not stick around if I see reminders of my exes again. Similar situations I mean. I'm still healing, bad enough I vent and dream about 'em.

#

Idk why I stick around period still.

#

I get triggered daily, friends are nice though. And well the thought of helping people too even though I still suck with words and barely chat.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 9:09 AM

#

Venting's so nice sometimes. More I read though the more in common and I feel bad but guess it doesn't matter how I feel.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 9:32 AM

#

Just cause others may be heartless doesn't mean I gotta be too.

#

thinks of how my school counselors screwed me over chusit

#

Oh man, one called me crazy to my mom's face and my mom flipped off on her.

#

That counselor and a principal loved being pains. Still glad I left.

#

Oh wait, 3 principals but I think I talked about 'em already. Kinda can't talk about one guy anyway.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 10:46 AM

#

Started missing someone but then reminded myself he doesn't care so I'm fine. Hopefully I can sleep soon.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 11:02 AM

#

Got distracted thinking of 'em anyway lol

#

Tried giving a friend advice though 1553_so_many_tears

#

Don't think I helped much....

#

Tempted to find who said I could be a therapist.

#

I still don't think so

#

Tempted not to make new friends still. As usual, I can't make anyone feel better. My fault. 😔

#

I don't deserve 'em

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 12:00 PM

#

Guess I'll turn off dms again.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 12:29 PM

#

Just remembered I replied to my ex thanking him for reaching out and asked how his new relationship's going and now I can't know unless I turn dms back on lol. Instead I changed it to I hope it's going well. y_duckiesip

#

I should probably sleep....

#

Damn typo omg 😭

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 6:58 PM

#

Omg someone's just like me. mochieyes

#

Nvm, I ruined things BunnyPray

#

Might go back to sleep.

#

Hmmmm dreams, I'm glad I haven't had any lately.

#

Never did finish reading.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 7:50 PM

#

I guess that makes a little more sense and oh so familiar.

#

After I broke up with a guy and a friend, they turned on me saying I was pretty much nothing or a "problem" or something anyway sooo guess they were glad we weren't chatting anymore.

#

I don't understand it either. Read somewhere people that vent like that means they really loved someone and angry they're leaving.

#

Wouldn't it make sense that I'd just feel more bad and at fault and turned off though? :/

#

Which I did

#

And yet I still support both and would love to see 'em happy and better.

#

Told one that just cause we can't be friends doesn't mean I'm over him and the love faded. I'll love 'em forever but just feel like we can't make things work, even as friends. They'll always have a place in my heart though.

#

The sad part though, one's the married guy that played me anyway. I'm too forgiving.

#

It's a bad habit I guess, one of many.

#

Speaking of forgiving, decided I'mma turn dms on and give my cheating ex advice for his date and ask a new pal how he's doing. catbongo

#

I can't say mad, at anyone. It's not healthy for the mind, body, heart, and soul.

#

^That's a part of my spirituality, a part of me that can't be changed, not easily at least.

#

Guess that makes me a bad person Idk. Hurts reading horrible things.

#

Thing is, if something's repeated by someone or it's so bad and haunting that I tell myself it then I might start to believe it. I think that's something often forgotten. Ya know, like how bullying sticks long after we leave school and Idk if I'll ever have a good self esteem and body image.

#

That rant 😔

#

Not everyone's out to screw people over though. Some do care and are genuinely sorry. Sometimes I'm weary, most of the time I like making new friends and trying to talk things out. Sadly not always possible but nice when it happens.

#

Sometimes I wonder how I'm still nice at all with a heart after getting hurt a lot and heartbroken. Always fixes, even just a little and slowly.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 9:07 PM

#

Guess I'll start chores. Been putting 'em off awhile now. I like doing 'em when I feel like it, oddly relaxing.

#

Reminded the cheating ex advice I gave him a long time ago. I see why he does what he does but

#

I'm worried a little

#

Nvm, everyone's different anyway

#

Why must advice also be a vent? I guess just a reminder not to do what he did to me to someone else.

#

I miss Zach and Logan still sadpuddle

#

I hope they're off having fun.

#

Still think I'mma be single forever. Not as much lonely cause fam and friends though. Josh and I chat a lot but recently went through breakups so we're still recovering and agreed it's not good rushing.

#

BunnyPray

#

Patience of a saint rn

#

Really it's more of advice and wanting to help and wanting to know he's happy but I can't help but vent a little.

#

But it's all out there now. Now I see, doesn't make things better but good to clear things up.

#

Closure and no more being played BunnyPray

#

Wish I had more chats like that. Hurts but also relieving.

#

I guess that's too odd though to explain.

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 10:11 PM

#

roopandaduck soooo yep, I friended someone that's my long lost twin or something lol. So glad I worked stuff out with him except unlike me he's a vibe. eveheart

normal latch Jul 12, 2023, 10:29 PM

#

I uhhh Idk how to respond to something besides being an awkward turtle lol.

#

Still gotta start chores, got distracted chatting with my new best bud. catbongo

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 12:19 AM

#

Talking about exes lately. It's weird,
I can't check if I'm blocked by someone.
Otherwise I'd ask how he's doing if I'm not.
I just guess I am with how fast things came and went and the bad falling out.
Hope he's ok though. 😔 hugs

#

Probably moved on anyway too

#

notices the time mochieyes

#

Guess I'll do chores tomorrow. Got stuck chatting with friends. catbongo

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 2:05 AM

#

Logan and I played Scrabble and I rage quit lol. We're doing crosswords now.
I miss puzzles.
Jigsaws, sudokus, and word searches. Almost put a little flex but it doesn't matter. 😅

#

Plus Idk if I can do it anymore either. mochieyes

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 5:16 AM

#

Hmm, just got a weird wave of emotions.

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 5:17 AM

#

normal latch Talking about exes lately. It's weird, I can't check if I'm blocked by someone....

Has to do with this. Probably the only person I'd never reach out to. Too caring and Idk, I think one of the people that needs to heal the most and I'd like to see getting better.

#

Not me bugging 'em reaching out. If he reached out first then I'd chat but Ik he wouldn't ever.

#

Now that I've gotten my emotions out, guess I can actually move on and focus on my friends and maybe finding a new partner when I'm ready. BunnyPray

#

Last few relationships proved to me that it's not good to rush still.

#

Really wish I could cheer my friend Wayne up. Dude's been through the same stuff too. A part of me wants to comfort and the other part wants nothing to do with those topics cause trauma.

#

I'd feel like a horrible friend though ghosting.

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 5:52 AM

#

Too relatable yeah sadpuddle

#

Just thought of that Louisiana story too. Idk how to word it though so guess I'll figure it out while chatting with peeps or later. Can't think straight sometimes, especially hella tired.

#

Omg

#

Guess I'll just tell him nvm 😅

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 6:20 AM

#

I finally spammed someone hugs. PrayGrovyle

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 7:49 AM

#

Pretty sure I've found someone that's actually perfect for me. Never had someone share a mind as much. I'd point out something else but wouldn't want another well situation but so far so good. bunnylove

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 10:28 AM

#

Jinxed it and I snapped again

#

I was hoping not actually putting it wouldn't make me worry but nope.

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 7:25 PM

#

By snapped I mean I finally put my foot down on the whole reaching out to people thing.

#

Blocked some people again and I wanna forget 'em

#

Chatting with my cheating ex changed something. Had an episode and wish I could drink. It's my own fault replying but I feel good knowing why things are and stuff.

#

Doesn't mean we have to chat though and be friends. I don't have to give anyone more chances and vice versa.

#

Well I wanna hide lol bearshshy

#

Hella shy again

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 8:01 PM

#

Got lost in thought thinking of a guy and walked into a spider web 😭

#

My friends better not laugh at me cause it's not funny hmph EB_EeveeAngry

#

Of course they are lol.
Still afraid of spiders though.

#

It's weird, sometimes I can hold 'em, sometimes I can't. Think it's more when they jumpscare me. mochieyes

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 9:37 PM

#

I wanna dm someone, why's it so hard? Damn shyness sx09Grey_Cat4_sad_p2u

#

Just one thing then I vanish and never bug 'em again but I can't.

#

Was gonna start chores but got sick, might sleep all day. sadness

normal latch Jul 13, 2023, 11:31 PM

#

Another misunderstanding, can't decide if it's better to talk it out or space with how awkward things can be sometimes.

#

Do I wanna lose someone else special to me? Idk sadpuddle

normal latch Jul 14, 2023, 12:25 AM

#

Haven't worked things out yet. Back in a mental rut and missing people still. Finally took my meds though.

#

Sometimes I forget, sometimes I don't want to. At least my anxiety pill since it quickly dissolves and triggers flashbacks.

normal latch Jul 14, 2023, 12:34 AM

#

normal latch Another misunderstanding, can't decide if it's better to talk it out or space wi...

sx09Grey_Cat4_sad_p2u

#

I tried

#

Now I hide

normal latch Jul 14, 2023, 3:16 AM

#

It's all good with the friend from earlier.

#

Feel like I almost lost 3 friends today.

#

Still worried about Zach and now Will too. sadpuddle

#

Now Ik how all my friends feel when I have an episode cause now they are. 1553_so_many_tears

normal latch Jul 14, 2023, 5:40 AM

#

So one of the guys I unblocked a long time ago dm'd me. mochieyes

#

Idk if I mentioned him before here, he asked me to be his gf after I showed him a selfie.

#

Not something I do often anymore. I still think I'm ugly anyway and Idk how I feel about guys spamming hearts. 🤷‍♀️

#

Plus I don't like taking selfies anyway, mostly landscapes and sunsets.

#

But like, dude was just a friend and reaches out and yet none of my exes do besides the uhhh very mean ones I'll say.

#

I just find it odd but I guess we can be friends again. catbongo

#

So yeah, Jaiden and I are catching up aaaand we asked eachother how relationships are going.

#

Ugh

#

Yeah explaining my recent bfs to him makes me see that I need a long long break.

normal latch Jul 14, 2023, 5:52 PM

#

Hmm, the qotd....

#

I was gonna put something but lol, guess I could keep things vague.

#

I'd like to finally get my life figured out and started and find happiness so I can make others happy. Rn I'm not happy so I don't feel like I truly make others happy either since Idk what it is. mochieyes

#

So glad I put that here and not there 😅

#

And well traveling, always wanted to go outta the US but not sure where now. Might just stick with the states still. Still gotta practice other languages, a friend was surprised when I put Chinese once.

#

Ik a little from school, Japanese too. Still gotta practice German and Spanish.

normal latch Jul 14, 2023, 6:33 PM

#

Sooo I keep having falling outs with my new friend so I asked friends for advice. Something Evie reminded me is to trust my instincts. Reminds me not to give lots of chances.

#

Speaking of Evie, we're matching pfps now lol. I haven't matched with a gal pal in forever so it's fun. Last time I matched was with ehh doesn't matter CB_giggle

#

I feel great catbongo

#

The uhh

#

Thing I almost just put bruh sad_chick

#

Maybe later

#

It's nothing bad but perhaps better to tell 'em directly.

#

If I can get the courage mochieyes

normal latch Jul 15, 2023, 12:16 AM

#

I wish love wasn't blind, why's things gotta be so complicated? 7816takemylove

#

I bet everyone is.

#

It stormed sooo can't work outside. Gonna be humid too and I read somewhere that's worse than dry heat, ugh.

#

Still tempted to go take pics, last time there was barely any flowers though.

normal latch Jul 15, 2023, 7:16 AM

#

I'm still worried about my friend Will. He says he's fine but acts pretty weird lately. I guess just work stress but he barely talks to me. sadpuddle

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 12:26 AM

#

Well I pretty much stayed in bed all day. Not tired, just sluggish. Finally got my coffee though and some food. Gotta take my meds which I think I forgot yesterday. mochieyes

#

Still gotta start crocheting too. Zach was on so I'm happy knowing all my friends are feeling better. catbongo

#

Man I finally get yellow and orange yarn now have no idea where my red went 🥲

#

Someday I'll make something rainbow lol

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 1:16 AM

#

I forgot who all of my friends I gave a teddy to already mochieyes

#

Still wish I could give 'em actual teddies. 😔

#

Still think they all need hugs and makes me sad I can't actually hugs

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 1:50 AM

#

So grateful for my new pal Aurélien. The guy I mentioned before that's pretty much my twin lol. Still glad I reached out and I feel like we're already good friends. A little rockiness from us both but we talk it out and I'm glad. bunnybobatea

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 2:14 AM

#

He's great and well hella shy. Pretty much everyone I chat with is and I can be too so I understand. We text all day but he's gotta sleep. mochieyes

#

Hope he gets good rest too.

#

Guess I'll see if anyone else's on or look for my yarn. catbongo

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 2:38 AM

#

Oh right, just remembered I can check my old posts and see who I gave teddies to lol. I guess a little note to self before I forget.

#

But I also saw who else I gave stuff to. 😔

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 3:30 AM

#

I miss my friend Emma, she deleted her acc and Idk why. Noticed a few other friends did too.

#

Do also miss Alessio. He's another friend, we haven't chatted in like 2 months though. I guess he got busy with college or other life matters. Hope he's ok too.

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 4:09 AM

#

I gotta stop forgetting to look for my meter. Gonna look for it and my yarn.

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 3:19 PM

#

Well I'mma apply around and look at moving away from fam. A part of me doesn't want to since I take care of 'em but they just called me lazy, useless and said my online friends were nothing. Thing is, I do chores and run errands so Idk if they'd love me leaving or not. Just hurts me so much hearing how unappreciated I am. sadness

#

My friends mean so much to me, I guess makes sense my fam wouldn't understand. We could never all have normal convos anyway.

#

........

#

Just more drama nvm sadness

#

Apparently they want me gone anyway, since I don't go to church anymore. Thought of my dad sadpuddle

#

Can't be picture perfect in their eyes.

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 4:14 PM

#

I was gonna take a nap but well rested and outta bed, had to take the dogs out rq. Forgot to mention earlier that I also pay rent since I used to work and have a little money saved. I guess the usual talk of I'm not "good enough" since I'm almost 30 without kids and married yet, not going to church which I wish they didn't push on me, and haven't gone to college which I'm working on and they know it soooo that part confuses me 🤷‍♀️

#

And tbh

#

If I wanted to

#

Argue back which I don't since I'm not a combative person, I can yell but I don't stay mad long and my anger issues aren't hella bad.

#

Well I could easily throw what they throw at me back at 'em but I don't.

#

I usually just shutdown in bad situations and hide. Used to be more brave but not much anymore.

#

I used to stand up to people and advocate but I got desensitized since Ik things and people can't change, not easily at least so what's the point in trying to make things better and just?

#

Sometimes I wonder who wears the "rose tinted glasses" in my fam, me or 'em. I guess I just got hella mad they brought up my friends. 😔

#

Friends are friends, shouldn't matter if irl or on here....

#

Also, they only talk about my little bro and I when they think we're asleep cause my older bro said something harsh while talking about I guess hard life lessons. I've heard 'em twice talking about us when they thought I was asleep but wasn't. We wake up and things go back to normal, they don't know their yelling wakes me up sometimes.

#

mochieyes

#

So I uhh just checked some messages.

#

hugs chu_hug HugFox huddlehug2

#

If ya read this, hope ya get to feeling better 🫶

#

Man when I forgive my cheating ex and wanna hug him so badly.....Ik I said I can't with cheaters but Idk, guess I still care a little. 😔

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 5:44 PM

#

I started writing again, working on a short story I started awhile ago. 🥲

#

Rn it doesn't make much sense but I'll figure it out.

normal latch Jul 16, 2023, 10:10 PM

#

I think I'm almost done with it. By that I mean I keep coming up with diff plots and endings. 😭

#

I need a break lol

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 12:47 AM

#

Logan and I are playing Scrabble. Aurélien went to bed. So grateful for 'em both. 🥲
Really all of my friends. eveheart

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 1:13 AM

#

Trying to talk a friend into getting help instead of doing bad things is hard. 😔

#

I feel useless again. I feel like everyone else more fun and helpful and I don't belong still.

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 1:39 AM

#

Damn mochieyes

#

Everytime I read something. Idk if I should give more chances or not....Been trying to break that habit....

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 6:39 PM

#

giggle

#

Aurélien and I are a couple now. I've never met anyone so perfect for me AND can communicate. I hope this lasts and he seems diff from everyone else, really a great guy that makes me very happy. huddleshibaheart

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 8:01 PM

#

I'm so happy catbongo

#

With a great guy, ok all my friends are on yay 3367catjump

#

Jinxed Zach getting on bunnylove

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 9:06 PM

#

I've been so distracted, I forgot to finish registering for college. mochieyes

#

Gotta take my meds too.

#

Haven't in a day or 2.

normal latch Jul 17, 2023, 9:27 PM

#

Now matching pfps with my bf, I think his suits him better though. CB_giggle

#

I gotta run an errand or 2. I feel Idk....Congested I guess so some sun might be nice. Might go take pics still too catbongo

normal latch Jul 18, 2023, 1:44 AM

#

I got an idea and I'mma look so dumb if I mess it up. 😭

#

I think it's kinda cute and I guess it's the thought that counts yeah. 70ALL_EmojiShyBlush

normal latch Jul 19, 2023, 2:21 AM

#

Someday hopefully I'll finish things I start. 🥲

#

Still grateful for my bf, little hiccup earlier but we worked it out and I'm glad. bunnybobatea

normal latch Jul 19, 2023, 3:33 AM

#

Idk which is better, giving gifts all at once or spacing 'em out. Big surprise one day or each day to bring a little happiness? mochieyes

#

I've been a little indecisive lately.

#

Can't stop thinking about him,
hopefully he gets some good rest.

normal latch Jul 19, 2023, 5:49 PM

#

Haven't been this sick in forever, hopefully I don't get another panic attack thinking of my health. I'll be fine, as usual. Was gonna rest but focused on finishing some things. Guess I'll take my meds before I forget again. sadness

normal latch Jul 20, 2023, 2:59 AM

#

Took my meds and a long nap, working on my blanket and after some great laughs from my bf and Jericho I feel way better. bunnylove

normal latch Jul 20, 2023, 10:51 AM

#

So just checked who all I thought blocked me but apparently didn't. Considered friending but Idk. Don't think it'd turn out well again.

normal latch Jul 21, 2023, 3:45 PM

#

sadness

#

Worried about rice again, wouldn't talk to me.

normal latch Jul 21, 2023, 7:17 PM

#

So Aurélien and I just played Scrabble and he did pretty good for his first time playing it. I gotta clean up since my bro's visiting and we're gonna play games. I'd rather take a nap since my new pills make me drowsy but Idk if I wanna sleep all day again. Still gotta get caught up on chores and all my crafts and writing. I did get another idea for a short story last night but this one's horror and I'm not good at horror.

#

I got the inspiration reading something from a general chat here and a chat with a friend that both made me very sad. Still gotta finish the I guess slightly happier story too.

#

Might watch Pride and Prejudice again too.

normal latch Jul 22, 2023, 3:32 AM

#

Still so grateful for my bf. I hope I make him as happy as he makes me. huddleshibaheart

#

I'm glad I took another chance on love and reached out to make a friend after I was hesitant before. Met a great guy that's supportive and hella sweet.

normal latch Jul 22, 2023, 11:19 PM

#

Almost forgot to write in this today, my old friend Conner finally accepted my FR and we started chatting again. He still remembers me from a few months ago lol. I finally started chores but had to take a break and looks like it's gonna rain. I used to meditate while it was raining sooo might again and read.

normal latch Jul 23, 2023, 6:23 PM

#

😔

#

Got to thinking about....Things

#

Finally got some motivation to do chores and crafts, helps distract hopefully.

normal latch Jul 24, 2023, 1:58 PM

#

Well finally did my intro again, I've been editing it but deleted the old one cause bored. I still think I'm boring though. Finally did a poem for my bf, gotta work on other things now. mochieyes

#

Can't stop thinking about him again huddleshibaheart

normal latch Jul 24, 2023, 3:13 PM

#

Man the one time I'm not shy and feel like welcoming people and I make huddler awkward ugh sadness

#

hides

#

Awww seeing that sunflower cheered me up since I love 'em, lilies too. bunnylove

#

And well my awesome bf reassuring me eveheart

#

I'm sticking to Penyoo lounge still, crowds make me too shy sometimes.

#

:c

#

bunnybobatea

normal latch Jul 25, 2023, 12:13 AM

#

I'm super stoked, just remembered something I always wanted to do so if it goes anywhere I'll talk about it here. 3367catjump

#

Not that I was any good at it in school though but fun. mochieyes

normal latch Jul 25, 2023, 1:32 AM

#

Might still do that idea despite something convincing me not to.

#

Just made the mistake of checking on some old friends. sadness

#

BunnyPray

#

I won't let memories of 'em haunt me, I have a great bf. I have great friends. Actual friends. To make new, happy memories with and Idk where I'd be without 'em. I made new friends right after being screwed over by the old "friends" so my new friends helped me recover.

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They saved me. I was in a very dark place.
I wish I could give good advice and make 'em as happy as they make me.

normal latch Jul 25, 2023, 4:21 AM

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I started being active again in another server and put my intro there. Idk why people are friending and dm'ing me 🤷‍♀️

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Guess I'll say hi before my shyness starts. 🥲

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Do wish people still asked to dm or send friend requests first though but might just get used to 'em not.

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Idk, guess I'm in a great mood panda

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Lol, someone has a Kirby pfp, I love Kirby.

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Damn shyness, bf's up though so I'm very happy. bunnylove

normal latch Jul 26, 2023, 12:27 AM

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So far only one person has asked to dm me, everyone else just dms.

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Do miss Aki, haven't chatted in awhile and went to but their acc's gone. 😔

normal latch Jul 26, 2023, 3:05 AM

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Asked my old friend Luna how she's doing and looked at dms with someone else. Let's just say they come off as obsessive. Maybe a bit too friendly Idk.

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Idk if I wanna reach out to that person.

normal latch Jul 26, 2023, 6:09 PM

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My bf wrote me a poem 🥲 . Best gift ever 🥹

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Love him so much ❤️

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I kinda wanna write him another now mochieyes

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I think it's better than anything I write and I've been doing poetry 14 yrs now.

normal latch Jul 26, 2023, 7:46 PM

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My mom's also a writer and agrees it's better lol. Which reminds me, I should ask how her blog's coming along. I thought about starting one too. I don't write enough though. I thought of a crocheting blog but I already follow some others. I'd rather read hers and Chris's for stories. Still gotta finish a few short stories I started. Both make me cry though.

normal latch Jul 27, 2023, 11:43 PM

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Took my meds and started sorting recycles, gotta keep up on chores though before my bro visits tomorrow. I like to recycle or sometimes reuse jars or tubs for craft supplies. But yeah, been pretty busy lately. Still gotta practice some things. Still gotta crochet something since I got an idea and finish some other projects I started. Someday I might get the courage to post pics of my pets or stuff I make.

normal latch Jul 28, 2023, 2:45 AM

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Might not read other journals, besides my bf's and friends. Still feels weird putting hugs on every cried and rant posts too but I guess it's a habit and everyone needs hugs anyway. And it didn't rain today but my back hurts so I couldn't finish chores. Hopefully I can finish 'em before my bro comes.

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I hope Will's ok, acted strange before he left but kept saying he was ok. Acted diff to me and we were good friends, at least I considered us as. Said I'd find out what he's up to then says he's leaving. sadness

normal latch Jul 28, 2023, 6:45 AM

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As usual, my bf's hilarious and fun lol, wish I was too. mochieyes

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Lots to do today so might not be on later.

normal latch Jul 28, 2023, 4:52 PM

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I am one with nature rn lol. Almost done mowing and gotta do something else but maybe later or tomorrow. I miss hiking and looking for fossils with my bros. I love being outside, when I have motivation to do anything I mean. Still wish fam didn't call me useless, I try to keep up on things despite my back pain and stuff but I just gotta deal with it while home and that's my choice Ik. Half wants to move faraway like my older bro did, other half wants to stay and tolerate still taking care of 'em.

normal latch Jul 28, 2023, 6:21 PM

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Finally done and sore all over, might get a nap before I get distracted. Do love texting my bf though, friends too but they're either asleep or offline. Might go get a slushy and chillax till my bro comes around 6.

normal latch Jul 28, 2023, 11:17 PM

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Just got done playing games, I only won a round of Uno since my older bro's a boss. Also played Skipbo and Sorry. I suck but it's fun 🥲

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I miss bowling, he's good at it too.

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 3:50 AM

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I kinda regret getting that slushy now. Way too sweet and like no ice to dilute it. Also got a big bag of gummy worms and pie. mochieyes

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Think I'mma stay up grinding coins and working on stuff I've been putting off.

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 1:54 PM

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I wish it'd rain. I wouldn't mind working outside unless it's hot since humidity sucks. I feel annoying and like a burden again. Plus my jealousy issues are back and Ik I shouldn't be jealous and it used to be way worse. Bad trust issues makes sense but Idk why I get jealous. Still think everyone else's better and I don't deserve great friends and an amazing bf who's many things. My everything, greatest gift I've ever gotten. I'm grateful and happy sure but Idk, I feel like I'm not good enough sometimes. Awhile ago I took an "attractive" scale quiz and got a zero. I didn't know that was possible. An old friend and I agreed scales are bs but it still haunts me. sadness

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Now I miss that friend too, she meant a lot to me and we haven't chatted in like 5 months. 1553_so_many_tears

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 2:30 PM

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Like the 10th time I've checked a channel to see someone leave before I can welcome 'em....Maybe I am a "bad luck" charm after all. sadness

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I'mma start crocheting, most of the short stories I wanted to write are saddening so I don't need more rn. Bf helps cheer me up though hugs huddleshibaheart

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 3:40 PM

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I'mma be so happy when I get nitro again and my emojis back. Miss boba bunny and prayers. Bf and I spam cute emojis at eachother and I miss it. I've calmed down from earlier. Think I'mma do a buncha things tomorrow. Gotta go visit my grandparents and help 'em with yardwork too and get some jewelry stuff. Think I'mma go back to church too, cause I want to. Not my older bro harping me on it but cause I kinda miss it and being in choir.

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 4:23 PM

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I wanna react with hugs in some journals but worried I'd look like a huge weirdo. Maybe already do with hugs almost everywhere else. Idk how I feel still being called obsessed after a few hugs in someone's journal. He apologized but that haunts me. I saw it as support and being nice but I guess not. 🤷‍♀️

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Guess that's in the pass though, I should focus on the now to have a future.

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Blocked and leaving all my exes blocked. Feels great. coolthumbsup

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But I'm grateful still, lately I've been thinking. At the time I was sad at my old friends backstabbing me but without 'em I wouldn't have what I have now. 6698_cutebear

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Might thank 'em, they wanted me to suffer and rot so perhaps they'd like to know I'm not and moved onto actual friends and a great bf I hope to someday meet.

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 5:45 PM

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Nah, I shouldn't give 'em the time of day. I have my friends and bf to worry about and I do. I'll check if Logan's online, miss Zach always, Chris's probably busy too, haven't heard from Evie in awhile, and Jericho's asleep. Hope Will and Wayne are ok. Aurélien's my sunshine. Also grateful for Anne and Malcolm being angels cheering me up too. huddleshibaheart

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Formatting's messing with my ocd....Why I get sad at and hate my typos.

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I'm fine

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With time brings new opportunities. New people to make memories with, hopefully good.

normal latch Jul 29, 2023, 7:28 PM

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I used to never wanna get married but after looking at some beautiful places in my fav state I'm moving to and remembering how I used to wanna be a wedding planner, damn, I wanna get married someday. Would love to plan it too.

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Idk if I'd want my fam there though.

normal latch Jul 30, 2023, 12:24 AM

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I took a nap since a med makes me drowsy, missed telling my bf gn again though. I hope he's getting some good rest. huddleshibaheart

normal latch Jul 30, 2023, 2:37 AM

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Sooo someone just let me know me putting hugs on their posts cheers 'em up. It's dms and they don't ask but good they're feeling better. hugs

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I forgot I was working on a jigsaw puzzle lol. I miss doing 'em.

normal latch Jul 30, 2023, 11:22 AM

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Might run errands later, otherwise I'm just chilling and crocheting. Got a lot to start and finish that I've been putting off. I wanna finish a shawl I started for my mom and a buncha other things. Looks like it might rain. Still gotta find my red yarn too, decided I'mma just do a rainbow blanket instead of my previous ideas. Ehhh I might do 'em later anyway cause fun lol. At least my back's finally better, being on the heating pad a few nights and chilling helped.

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 1:47 AM

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Been awhile since I was just a booster but won't be for long. It's finally raining and I'm nearly done crocheting something. I'm kinda working on many things atta time though and still gotta find my red yarn. Also chatting with Logan and a new friend.

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 2:06 AM

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If only I didn't feel like a dry texter sometimes. Still wish I was fun and interesting instead of spamming smiles, hugs, or asking if someone's ok. All the times I've been called annoying. sadness

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 2:24 AM

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I'm still getting used to compliments. I'm used to being called ugly, nothing, annoying, scum, trash, fake, and dumb.

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Idk which is sadder, how that was all by old friends or how I was nice to 'em still.

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I'm pretty patient and forgiving, I can't stay mad and hate someone forever. Guess that means I get taken advantage of sometimes since I try to see the good in everyone so I ignore the bad and red flags. Was fun getting brushed off though a few times.

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 6:06 AM

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Damn shyness, I dm'd a few people awhile ago and they all just replied. Still working on blankets, might sleep soon. Ehh I'mma start the rainbow one since I found some red yarn.

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 1:43 PM

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Ah it's raining. I'm out running errands with my mom, texting my bf, and Anne got back to me so I'm glad she's ok. I'm feeling very much at ease and peace for once. Rain's so calming unless well thunder. I started some other journals but gotta work on my book still too. All a form of meditation to me.

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 6:06 PM

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catbongo

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I'm so happy having my emojis and stickers back.

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It is nice supporting the server though. Still looking forward to the app being on Android.

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 6:25 PM

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So nice to be home too, was out all day but got food and I'mma get ice cream later. So nice to text my bf again bunnylove

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Makes me the happiest. eveheart

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panda1

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Lol

normal latch Jul 31, 2023, 9:19 PM

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My bf's so talented, first he does better poetry than me and he draws good too. I wish I was talented but I'll practice with all the things I wanna draw. 🥲

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 10:13 AM

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I slept great, bf's doing great so knowing that makes me very happy. I hope everyone else's doing good and happy too. huddleshibaheart
I gotta start a rainbow project but can't decide on a pattern. I was thinking a blanket but Idk anymore.

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 3:48 PM

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Man I woulda gotten Advocate awhile ago if I asked for my old tags back, instead I didn't cause hella shy. I do wonder when I'll get bronze journal though. Gotta clean since we're having company, might work outside later. I wish it'd rain but sun's out and hopefully there's a breeze at least. Lots of work to do and I barely ever have motivation and energy but I'm still feeling great. catbongo

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 4:12 PM

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Tempted to leave again but I don't wanna lose my tags. Guess I'll focus on my crochet, cleaning a little, and chatting with my bf. 🥲

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Still so grateful for him 6698_cutebear

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Think my relationship's finally crumbling chusit

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Busy with a panic attack worrying about losing the best guy for me.

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 5:16 PM

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We're talking it out, I think. Idk but my heart's breaking anyway. Lots of misunderstandings and we talk but things got worse. PI_AngelPray

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 5:35 PM

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Seeing our Pengu sips made me smile though 🥹

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That big goof lol

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bunnylove

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Love him too much to lose.

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 5:58 PM

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I'm still grateful for my friends, guys or not. We "bully" eachother sometimes but just as friends and they're great supports.
Almost lost Zach and Logan awhile ago and they're my besties, was worried about losing my bf. We've talked it out, calmed down, and are ok.

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Do wish Zach would stay in the server but that's his choice. Miss him still.

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Not fun being implied as a I was but still good to be open, honest, and communication's key to make anything work.

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I finally have a guy that talks to me.

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 10:04 PM

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Ah daily migraine 🥲 and sore with the usual stuffy nose. I need junk food though. Might play NV after I get home from shopping, been awhile. Still glad Aurélien and I worked things out. And I still gotta take my meds, we remind eachother to.

normal latch Aug 1, 2023, 10:56 PM

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As usual, I forgot and ate something I'm allergic to. I wonder Logan's reaction since he reminds me not to and cares about me. I'm not used to people saying they care about me. 🥲 hugs

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Heartwarming but also a weird feeling since I'm getting used to it, same with compliments.

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Might not go shopping after all, meh.

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I miss Zach, hope he's ok sadpuddle

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 4:00 AM

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Tempted to ask someone how he's doing but I'm probably forgotten. Thinking of exes but Idk if I wanna chat with 'em after how I was treated. My bf should be waking up soon. huddleshibaheart

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He'll cheer me up, love him so much and still glad we talked things out earlier. eveheart

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I forgot my meds again. mochieyes

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Dammit, it was the reminder here too 😅

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Hella tired but wanna get caught up on crochet.

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 12:14 PM

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Lately I've been getting like 4 hrs of sleep too, I barely take naps though. Still think I'mma never fix my sleep schedule. Woke up sore all over, think I'll go shopping later. Wish I could stay in bed all day texting my bf but can't. Still gotta finish chores, sometime. I almost talked about my weight but thought of highschool and I don't wanna. sadness

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 12:54 PM

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I got up and took the trash out, it's gonna rain so that cheered me up a little. Started working on my blanket and noticed I messed up already, still on the first row though so quickly fixed it. Still gotta apply around for jobs and been looking at an apartment. It's one my bro rented so Ik what it's like and I liked it. I wouldn't mind going back a few yrs to those times spent with him or well like 10. I woulda avoided so much. 1553_so_many_tears

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 1:54 PM

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So apparently I got a friend interested in crochet lol. Ugh, I wish the sun wasn't out. Sometimes it's nice but not rn. Might take a nap then run some errands when I wake up.

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Showed him a pattern for a beginner project, that's usually when people say nope lol. Sounds great though learning new skills and knowing he might not be hella bored. 🥲

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Speaking of skills, that reminds me, I never did read up more on DBT. I still should, I think it started to help me. mochieyes

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 2:22 PM

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Can't find my other craft stuff 🥲

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Damn, I was looking forward to making jewelry and beading. I'mma keep looking, then I find my old skein of red yarn lol.

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 2:54 PM

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Looking into therapy, gotta fill out health questionnaires and sadness

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Just....Without talking about it....Really wish I could get hugs rn. Wish my bf and I could hug. 1553_so_many_tears

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I hate it but gotta do it if I want therapy, self coping for me only lasts so long.

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 6:26 PM

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Finally out shopping, it's humid though. I found my craft supplies. I'm soooo happy 3367catjump since I wanna make something very special for my bf. mochieyes

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And it's raining again.

normal latch Aug 2, 2023, 7:43 PM

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So nice being home and eating. I got junk food and can make jewelry now. Thinking of how to make the "very special" thing cause I haven't before. Gotta crochet a lot still too but chillaxing. catbongo

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 12:25 AM

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Was wondering if something seemed bad but typing it out, I figured it out myself. I got a nap, bf's asleep. Hopefully he's getting some good rest. huddleshibaheart He's diff from the other guys and I'm still glad we met.
He means a lot to me already.
Back to crafting and stuff.
Hate typing on my phone lol.

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 3:56 AM

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Just realized Logan and I barely chat anymore. Was thinking of my "sis" and how she didn't wanna lose me to another friend. Oh man the irony. sadness

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Guess I'll tell him gn, bf should be waking up soon though. eveheart

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 5:47 AM

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sadness

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PI_AngelPray I have a great bf to focus on now. Just gotta remind myself instead of thinking of...Someone. Not like I'd reach out anyway but missing.

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Guess I'm more sad I lost motivation to work on crafts and crochet.

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Just noticed, that someone lied anyway so I really don't trust him now. ChillBar_smh

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 11:08 AM

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I'm feeling much better. Was reading some old dms and I'll leave that there. Gotta run some errands later, wish I could stay in bed all day.

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I'm fine now. catbongo

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 11:51 AM

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I wish I was pretty. Most of the time I'm comfy in my own skin and accept my "flaws" till I think of past bullying. I miss wearing makeup but can't wear foundation. Sometimes it's hard to not care what people think or say, especially repeated things like my grandma saying something about being a model. Besides, we're all beautiful anyway so I wonder why she would say something I take badly.

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That rant 😔

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 2:44 PM

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Edited it anyway. Gotta run a few errands soon and I'm feeling great.

normal latch Aug 3, 2023, 9:42 PM

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I took 2 naps and still tired. Back to writing in my other journals though. One focuses on gratitude and gives me prompts to write about. I started a "30 day challenge" and first prompt's self care and a self love letter that Idk if I could write but I'll try. I still think I'm not good at anything and pretty boring so it's gonna be hard.

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It's morseo a me thing, I usually don't focus on myself mochieyes

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Still figuring out if I matter. Bf and a friend or 2 say so soooo I guess Idk. I still think everyone else matters more. Still get myself down being selfish sometimes. 😔

normal latch Aug 4, 2023, 1:06 AM

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So uhh, won't say who cause it stings but I asked a friend if they took their meds and I told 'em I haven't taken mine in like 2 days and they pulled the whole "you're one to talk" on me. sadness
Might as well just told me to screw off for caring. 516395crythumbsup

normal latch Aug 4, 2023, 2:00 AM

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I almost added onto that with a rant but I should probably relax and distract crocheting or something.

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I'mma let 'em know how I feel and we're gonna talk it out. PI_AngelPray

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They apologized and realized their mistake. I'mma just focus on other things while calming down.

normal latch Aug 4, 2023, 2:52 AM

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sadness man I knew putting hugs would make me look weird or bad eventually. I won't anymore.

normal latch Aug 4, 2023, 11:28 AM

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I'm feeling much better from earlier, finally got 6 hrs of sleep too. Might take a nap later though since I haven't been sleeping well. Wish I could dream but haven't in like a month. Still gotta finish crocheting something, write in my journals, and I forgot about my short stories so those too sometime. Gotta run an errand later and might visit my grandparents. I forgot to ask my friend how his crochet's coming along and I started a bag. Gotta make a lining for it and I miss sewing.

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Sometimes I wonder why I'm working on gifts but I try to stay hopeful I can give 'em to my bf someday. bunnylove

normal latch Aug 4, 2023, 4:40 PM

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Can't run my errands later since I forgot my bro's visiting. I'll run 'em tomorrow, apparently it rained earlier while I was taking naps so I'm a little sad. And Will deleted his acc sadpuddle

normal latch Aug 4, 2023, 10:39 PM

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Playing Uno with my bros. I won 2 rounds then we gotta do chores. We're having fun. nyaBoba

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 1:14 AM

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Started to do chores. After seeing so many friends leave the server, delete their accs, or both I kinda wanna quit Discord. Not like I matter here anyway since I barely chat.

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 3:25 AM

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I don't get it, people say they love me and yet it's so easy to hurt me. 1553_so_many_tears

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PI_AngelPray patience of a saint and starting to think my meds do nothing.

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 3:56 AM

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I wish people respected the rules and didn't write in other people's journals. Ik I'd be annoyed.

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 6:36 AM

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Well I'm finally practicing French again. Still gotta practice German too but lately I've been focusing on crochet, chores, errands, and well other crafts. Gotta run some errands later, kinda what I missed yesterday. Job applying though finally. Also looking at volunteering again.

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 1:25 PM

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Out running errands and visiting my grandparents. Think I'mma take pics if there's more flowers out too. Sooner or later I'll put 'em in show and tell, maybe when I'm not as shy. catbongo

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 4:31 PM

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I feel useless again sadness

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 5:21 PM

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Yeah Idk why I bother, I just ruin everything bruh. 1553_so_many_tears

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 5:46 PM

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He's calmed down 🥲

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Him and my bf are ok so I am too bunnylove

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 8:12 PM

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Feels so diff with Aurélien. I'm still glad we started chatting and are together. I should thank my exes for pushing me away or we wouldn't be. ❤️ huddleshibaheart

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Christian left the server though.

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Anyway, since I don't dwell on missing 'em, can't decide what crochet to work on. catbongo

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Might start another sweater since I'm bored of everything else.

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 9:11 PM

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I went down a little trip of memory lane looking at old, funny convos with friends and I don't cry anymore since I'm over 'em. Things turned out alright and I'm forever grateful. 🥲

normal latch Aug 5, 2023, 11:11 PM

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I suddenly wanna vanish again. I don't have much motivation to do anything and kinda don't wanna chat with anyone either. sadness

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Stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, and worried for all my friends and bf. sadpuddle

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Still gotta take my meds.

normal latch Aug 6, 2023, 2:16 PM

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Well I'm feeling much better. Zach was on and chatting with him cheers me up. I didn't take my meds yesterday though. I will later and gotta finish some chores. Aurélien and I got in a mishap but worked things out. I'm really grateful for Jericho, Zach, and Logan. They're my besties but I'm still grateful for everyone. eveheart

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But yeah, not being on Discord or well my pc for a little bit's nice. I gotta get back to applying for jobs and crochet.

normal latch Aug 6, 2023, 4:18 PM

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Man I suck at people and relationship advice. Idk why anyone listens to me period. I wonder how those friends are doing that ditched me for eachother.....
Ehh past's past.

#

Not like I'd text either anyway. Think they're still blocked after I saw 'em talking crap on me.

normal latch Aug 6, 2023, 5:43 PM

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Anyway, Jericho's feeling better and I ate so I should take my meds before I forget. catbongo

normal latch Aug 6, 2023, 5:59 PM

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I finally got the courage to ask for my old tags back lol. If only I did that with Protector but whatevs. mochieyes
I took great pride in journaling and got excited getting filled journal to then lose it when I left for like a day. No clue when I'm getting bronze. I thought I've been writing in this 2 months but maybe not.

#

But me taking fifty yrs to ask, I'm not very hopeful either but maybe. PI_AngelPray

normal latch Aug 6, 2023, 7:19 PM

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Well I gotta run errands but as usual can't decide what sweets to get lol. Gonna be nice getting outta the house though and going for a drive.

#

I love collecting roles. catbongo

#

Kinda miss collecting irl stuff now.

normal latch Aug 6, 2023, 9:42 PM

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So nice to be home, bf went to bed early though. Hopefully he's getting some good rest and I already wished him luck tomorrow. huddleshibaheart

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I got a job interview coming up and I'm nervous as hell lol. Even over the phone I'm worried I'mma fumble words. mochieyes

#

I'll keep applying around.

#

Still gotta finish registering for college and call my bank sometime.

normal latch Aug 7, 2023, 12:26 AM

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So nice chatting with Wayne,
dude's a mood. Idk what crochet to work on. I can't focus on one project at a time and looking at more patterns doesn't help. Ik I still wanna make something rainbow though. Might just go to bed early but worried I'mma get 4 hrs again and sometimes no naps.

#

I miss Emma now, such a sweetheart.
I hope she's ok. sadness

normal latch Aug 7, 2023, 12:45 AM

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Hmm, missing recent friends now. Some aren't really friends though so they're blocked. Still sad Will and Emma deleted their accs.

normal latch Aug 7, 2023, 3:33 AM

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My bf and I's 1 month anniversary's coming up. Longest relationship I've been in so far. I hope we stay together yrs to come.

#

Tw suicide, death of loved ones:

But why I point it out, I used to say I'd kill myself before 30 or 40 something since my grandpa and dad committed suicide in their 40s but I wanna see my bf graduate college and other happy moments. I want a life and he makes me happy and hopeful. Motivates and supports me like no other bf had.

#

Gives me something to look forward to when I wake up every morning and before I go to bed. Not many guys ever cared to ask how I was doing and if I was ok.

normal latch Aug 7, 2023, 5:55 PM

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So nice to be home, had to run a quick errand and thought it was gonna rain but hasn't yet. Just pretty gray. I'm back to crocheting and almost done with something. Also gotta work on a few gifts for my bf, one I decided is an anniversary present. 6698_cutebear

normal latch Aug 7, 2023, 7:23 PM

#

That awkward part when my dog bumps my keyboard while I'm reading my bf's journal lol. Thank god he didn't type a lot. Reminds me of the cats sitting on my keyboard or well my mom's. I joke they're doing our taxes.

#

I just found something else in common though.

#

Finally took my meds after 2 days. Sometimes I forget, sometimes unmotivated or well nvm, talking about my health gives me panic attacks sometimes. Might cuddle with my puppy and tuck him in but gotta focus on finishing that one crochet project then finding my mom's shawl or starting something else.

normal latch Aug 7, 2023, 7:55 PM

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Hmm, now I'm really missing an old besty. I still regret graduating highschool early and missing out on spending more time with her and well missing Trig. I used to love math and the talk in huddler and my bf missing his good besties got me missing everything. 🥲

#

Might try to reach out to her, I don't see it as being awkward. More awkward if I'm forgotten but nothing wrong with asking.

#

I miss her a lot now 😔

#

Tempted to ask another old besty if she remembers me. We weren't exactly on good terms but could try being friends again. Just remembered another friend ugh.

#

A friend of 10 yrs that remembered me a yr or 2 after we drifted apart.

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Feels weird being remembered, I think I'm pretty forgettable. I still remember that first besty recognizing me after a yr despite us just being friends first semester so 3 months.

#

I used to be way more shy, especially in school unless I found a friend or small group that made me comfy then I open up. First besty mentioned and I clicked the first day of school. She sat at my table and smiled, felt like we were like sisters already.

normal latch Aug 8, 2023, 11:26 AM

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I really gotta do a testimonial still lol. I'm so happy I got my old tags back. catbongo

#

Mods here are so nice 🥲 . I love this server.

#

Still glad I left another server and joined this. First server wasn't nice. Well anyway I still just get 4 hrs and I'm well rested somehow.

#

Guess I'll do the usual, crochet and look at jobs. I started a big project. bunnybobatea

normal latch Aug 8, 2023, 12:28 PM

#

My hands are burning and in pain but I will finish it and work on other projects. Thing I mentioned earlier's very special to me.

normal latch Aug 8, 2023, 3:59 PM

#

Had to run an errand and got a bottle of perfume and some skincare stuff. Been awhile since I pampered myself lol. Think I deserve it after all the bs I've been through. I can finally take care of my wrinkles, wonder if I could get rid of my beauty marks and freckles too since I can't wear foundation. catbongo

#

So nice to get a break from the pc and crochet, my hands feel better.

normal latch Aug 9, 2023, 10:28 AM

#

Back to crocheting that special project. My back's feeling better and gonna visit my grandparents later soooo hopefully my back doesn't give out helping 'em with chores. Also gotta get some craft supplies to finish said crochet project. After I'm done, I'mma do a rainbow version. Really I gotta make handles for my hooks or find my ergonomic ones. I'm fine though. catbongo

#

Thing keeping me motivated is knowing the person I'm making it for is gonna love it and make 'em very happy and it's nice making 'em happy. bunnylove

normal latch Aug 9, 2023, 11:04 AM

#

Still wish people would ask to dm me but I saw someone was struggling and was ok with the dm anyway.

#

If only I didn't suck with advice, especially when I shutdown and wanna hide but feel like I can't.

#

I feel obligated to try to help, think it ties into me not being mindful much of my own sanity and well-being.

#

And it's raining lol, so much for helping outside today. mochieyes

#

Omg, I went to actually start a powerpoint on otters and found a zine template. 3367catjump

#

Still gotta work on one.

normal latch Aug 10, 2023, 10:16 AM

#

Almost forgot to write in this today. Lately my back and a shoulder's been hurting but my hands are still good so I'm back to crocheting. Also back to applying for jobs and started watching a show. Visited my grandparents yesterday and got the stuff to finish my crochet project so hopefully I will today. And I started the rainbow version.

normal latch Aug 10, 2023, 8:58 PM

#

I hope I hear back from the jobs I applied for that I really like. I went and got some energy drinks, been awhile since I had any but I love Monsters. Now watching Evil Dead vids and back to crocheting. Just slightly tired but wanna finish my special project still. It's for my bf and I wish I could actually give him things but I hope I can someday. His appreciation and motivation is so nice. 🥲

normal latch Aug 10, 2023, 9:26 PM

#

8800nosleep yeah nvm, misplaced my hook.

normal latch Aug 11, 2023, 1:40 AM

#

So nice playing Terraria since I haven't in forever. Gonna play with my bf and Jericho eventually. catbongo

#

I'm a little weary playing with others since last time was with my bros and I made the base and little bro loves destroying it but siblings be like that. 8800nosleep

#

Of course he'd deny it as I'm watching.

#

Still haven't found my crochet hook. I'll look after I'm done with the new base.

normal latch Aug 11, 2023, 6:13 AM

#

Found it, might stay up finishing my project now. Lots of things I wanna do. 😔

#

Gotta look into something, won't talk about it unless I have any luck. Something good and I miss doing.

normal latch Aug 11, 2023, 7:07 AM

#

insta regrets checking an old convo 8800nosleep

#

Still wonder how I'm scary. Don't think I am. Don't think anybody else would say so, guess I'll never know though. I was getting hella tired but not much anymore. Might keep crocheting.

normal latch Aug 11, 2023, 4:21 PM

#

Out running errands with my mom. catbongo

#

Feels nice getting out and about and well spending time together.

normal latch Aug 11, 2023, 10:47 PM

#

Playing Uno with the fam. Bf already went to sleep. Hope he's getting some good rest. Later on we're gonna play Uno too. I'm not the best around but fun trying. Winning's not everything anyway. catbongo

#

I miss playing volleyball and tennis, thought about taking classes or something.

normal latch Aug 12, 2023, 1:14 AM

#

I miss having a blue name, I guess they changed it to stop confusion of being mod or not or to make it more special. I won't complain though, I love purple. 🥰

#

I still need to crochet a rainbow blanket.

#

I suddenly wanna hug everyone that screwed me over. Still wonder why I care, Ik I shouldn't. Still baffles me how loved ones can be so cold.

normal latch Aug 12, 2023, 2:21 PM

#

I got 7 hrs of sleep. Feeling great and gotta mow. Might go shopping too. catbongo

normal latch Aug 12, 2023, 8:25 PM

#

So nice to be home and relax finally lol. I got some custard, haven't had any in forever. I love ice cream sure but I also love gelato, froyo, and custard. I'm exhausted but sooner or later gotta mow my mom's yard too. I got gold, green, and pink yarn today so I already know what I'mma make. Gonna make a baby blanket with a pattern I found awhile ago and a hat for my bro. Also got tulip and lily bulbs for when I clean out a flower bed and hopefully mom helps me garden like we used to. We used to have irises and roses. bunnylove

#

Also gotta apply for jobs still, been busy all day.

normal latch Aug 12, 2023, 11:42 PM

#

Finally played Terraria with my bf and he didn't do too bad for his first time playing. 🥲

#

If anything I got carried mochieyes

#

He's just amazing like that lol

#

panda1

#

Was kinda laggy though, we're gonna play Uno sometime too. Always fun with him bunnylove

normal latch Aug 13, 2023, 4:58 PM

#

So close to finishing my special project, I got lots of glue sticks to. Also got icecream so I'm very happy. Bf's up and we might play Terraria soon. catbongo

normal latch Aug 14, 2023, 4:34 AM

#

Couldn't play earlier but I got him more items. He does carry me. I usually give newbies good items in games sooo yeah lol, bf has better gear. Little bro and I are playing games now. I might go healer in Terraria since I love it in rpgs. And I got the main part of my special project done, now just accessories and gluing it all together then I'll start crocheting a blanket. Took a nap so we might play games all night or the usual stuff.

normal latch Aug 14, 2023, 6:46 PM

#

Well ran some more errands with my mom. I'm bored of crocheting but gotta get that project done soon. 🥲

#

Just chillaxing watching movies. And I wish I had sweet dreams, lately I've just been having nightmares. Not as bad as they used to be though.

normal latch Aug 14, 2023, 9:06 PM

#

I'm so glad it's not a compliment above thing, the qotd I mean. I'm used to complimenting others anyway and still don't see much for me to be complimented on. I'm watching the Addams Family, I love 'em. Guess I'll get back to crocheting after a nice break as my left wrist starts hurting 🥲

#

I'm fine catbongo

#

Better that everyone else's ok anyway, especially my bf. I'm still on a fence if I matter or not.

normal latch Aug 15, 2023, 1:17 AM

#

So apparently we can't edit answers to the qotd without getting timed out. Idk if I can answer again, I forgot to thank my friends Chris and Reina. mochieyes

#

Chris for his stories so inspiring me to write, Reina for her beautiful drawings. I'll just thank 'em again in dms I guess.

#

I got candy corn catbongo

normal latch Aug 15, 2023, 4:40 AM

#

Special project's done and my hands are numb 🥲

normal latch Aug 15, 2023, 4:14 PM

#

Just got done playing Terraria with my bf. He's my everything too. bunnylove eveheart

#

I started crocheting a rainbow blanket, still gotta take pics of stuff I make and put 'em in hobbies I guess. I keep forgetting lol and I bet this reminder won't get lost like the others. mochieyes

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 12:47 PM

#

I miss my blue name too lol, still wonder if I could delete my journal though. I think I can if I deleted every post then the title but Idk. Anyway, I'mma be busy today and my blanket's going well.

#

I do from time-to-time think about leaving the server still but I'd lose my tags and it took me forever to ask for 'em back.

#

Bf and I are gonna try to play Uno.
I love Uno :3

#

Love him most though bunnylove

#

Still surprised I found someone so great and perfect for me. Just took a few bad guys to get a great guy I guess. eveheart

#

So weird how my friends come to me for advice. I thought my episodes and past failed relationships and friendships would make me a bad source. mochieyes

#

Granted those were barely my fault and I learned from 'em what I did.

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 1:37 PM

#

I still feel useless, just cheered my friend up a little. sadness

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 1:56 PM

#

My friend's feeling much better so I am too. hugs

#

Also I can't play Uno which sucks, might keep trying or just crochet.

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 3:50 PM

#

So nice playing Terraria again, especially with my bf. catbongo

#

Who still carries lol, I'mma play solo though and get rekt to get him more items.

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 4:30 PM

#

Another poem by my amazing bf 🥹 huddleshibaheart

#

I love it and him so much.

#

Does feel like an eternity mochieyes

#

eveheart

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 7:32 PM

#

Well I started crafting something else and lost motivation. BunnySad

#

Wish I could take a nap but gotta run errands soon, ugh. Still wish I could stay in bed all day but can't ever.

normal latch Aug 16, 2023, 11:55 PM

#

So nice to be home after helping my grandparents with chores. I'm worn out though and might play Terraria. Kinda bored of crocheting and I think I should take another break, Idk.

#

I still gotta play Genshin Impact. Amber seems cool. I'd rather play Rappelz though since I grew up playing it.

#

Someone said I pretty much don't exist, not the first time I read that.

normal latch Aug 17, 2023, 12:01 PM

#

Ehhh I don't let it bug me. Anyway, I started another blanket and a little sore but gotta mow more later. Also gonna go shopping and get another skein or 2 of yarn to finish a shawl. Still gotta find the one for my mom and work on it. bunnylove

normal latch Aug 17, 2023, 9:41 PM

#

Lots to crochet and yet I'm burnt out, hands ache a little too. Bf's resting, hopefully well huddleshibaheart

#

Doesn't feel like 5 pm, time's going slow. Still wish I could sleep all day. Guess I'll play some game or craft besides crochet.

#

Quickly reached out to all my friends after like a week since I've been busy. catbongo

normal latch Aug 18, 2023, 10:23 AM

#

Back to feeling a divide and drift. Not as bad but....Sometimes I wonder. sadness

normal latch Aug 18, 2023, 1:59 PM

#

It's worked out and everything's fine, as usual.

#

Bf and I are playing Scrabble aaaaand he's great at it lol.

#

Can't say I'm fully surprised though since he's hella smart anyway.

normal latch Aug 18, 2023, 4:07 PM

#

Just got home from running errands, gotta do more later and already tired lol. Went shopping, gotta do more later. My bf's ok so I am too. huddleshibaheart

#

Eating rn, Idk if I'll take my meds or not though. Side effects suck, might not take 'em a day and see if I'm still lethargic. One makes me drowsy but still gotta get a refill on the non drowsy. I'm worried something else may be making me tired but I'd rather not talk about it.

#

sadness

#

BunnyPray

#

I'm fine, just don't gotta think about my health. Almost forgot my bro's visiting later.

normal latch Aug 19, 2023, 3:06 PM

#

I forgot to post in this more yesterday lol. I won one game of Uno. We also played Monopoly. I'm feeling much better after not taking my meds a day. I took my anxiety med everyday instead of as needed. I was thinking better to be safe than sorry but I think it made me too drowsy. I have much more energy and feeling in my hands now, back to crocheting too. catbongo

#

I slept much better too.

normal latch Aug 19, 2023, 8:59 PM

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Hmm, throughout the day I've been feeling the same way that I was on my meds. Idk if I should be worried or not. I'm looking forward for fall since it's 107 F outside and I still gotta mow sometime. Might rain over the weekend. Watching horror gameplays with snacks is so nice. I got Takis and spicy ramens. I love anything sour or spicy. Also got samoas, reminds me of my girl scout days. Still wish I was fun and interesting like my bf and friends. I just feel boring and annoying.

#

Just chillaxing after running errands, might crochet too catbongo

normal latch Aug 20, 2023, 12:30 PM

#

I love counting how many ideas of stuff to make or do and barely can sit up without my back hurting to work on said things. Apparently it's a lot but working on a short story rn, a fairytale.

normal latch Aug 20, 2023, 5:02 PM

#

Took a nap on my heating pad and some pain relievers and feeling much better. Gonna visit my grandparents sometime today. Might go take pics at a garden too. I was gonna post pics in show and tell but too shy so I'll do it here.

normal latch Aug 20, 2023, 8:43 PM

#

God I hate heat, apparently it reached 112 F yesterday and Idk how people put up with it. huddleshibaheart

#

I hope everyone's ok

normal latch Aug 20, 2023, 9:53 PM

#

I think I figured out my problem, I think it's some deficiency. Could be the heat too. Took my multivitamin and already feeling better though. Hadn't taken it in 2 days so I'm not surprised I feel bad.

#

Bro's visiting, we're not playing games though.

normal latch Aug 21, 2023, 8:48 PM

#

Out running errands, gotta remember to call and schedule my exams. Also gotta call my bank.

normal latch Aug 21, 2023, 9:53 PM

#

I'll make my calls tomorrow, eating now and chilling since I just got home. Besides my exams, I don't have anything else to do this week besides maybe an errand tomorrow. Wish my bf wasn't 7 hrs ahead of me, diff timezones sucks. 😔

#

Hope he's getting good rest though, hope my friends are doing ok too. furretheart

normal latch Aug 21, 2023, 10:18 PM

#

Just remembered I gotta make a scarf and wear my glasses for a cosplay. Guess I'll start crocheting a scarf before my hands hurt again.

normal latch Aug 21, 2023, 10:55 PM

#

Yeah I'll schedule my exams tomorrow and start studying tonight. Still bums me I'm doing a similar program as an ex but probably too late to switch.

normal latch Aug 22, 2023, 1:39 AM

#

Started chatting with Conner again, he might rejoin this and I think I'mma make an otter plushy. Otters are soooo cute. eveheart

normal latch Aug 22, 2023, 2:27 AM

#

A friend just reached out to check on me. Not something I'm used to. So far just 4 friends have ever and it's so nice of 'em. 🥲

normal latch Aug 23, 2023, 12:13 AM

#

I'm still considering being a therapist. I'd be useful and better at helping a friend with a safety plan. For now, I'mma read up more on DBT. It helps me, might help 'em too.

normal latch Aug 23, 2023, 7:59 PM

#

Just got done playing Terraria with my amazing bf, of course he carried as usual lol.

normal latch Aug 23, 2023, 8:42 PM

#

Just rescheduled to take my college entrance exams, guess I'll study harder and try not to worry about failing like last time. 🥲

#

I love math, not too good at reading but I'll study.

normal latch Aug 23, 2023, 11:42 PM

#

Someone Ik needs a hug hugs huddleshibaheart

normal latch Aug 24, 2023, 4:59 PM

#

Wish I could hug my sunshine too bunnylove

#

I gotta get started on chores in a few hrs and not looking forward to it but stuff's gotta be done. 🥲

#

I think I weirded people out, Idk what normal is though. mochieyes

normal latch Aug 24, 2023, 10:28 PM

#

I finally get Uno to work and of course my bf's asleep. Crocheting something else for him though. catbongo

#

Still grateful for him and all my friends huggies
Texting my gal pal Evie, cheering eachother up.

normal latch Aug 25, 2023, 4:44 PM

#

God my little bro's annoying, he loves dragging me for staying home, even after I told him I've been in a mental rut and trying to get outta it. I've been applying for jobs and finally starting college but he asks why it took me yrs. Guess I'm just hella annoyed rn, bf's cheering me up though. huddleshibaheart

normal latch Aug 25, 2023, 6:46 PM

#

Finally got Uno to work and we played together. I won once, always fun with him though. 6698_cutebear

normal latch Aug 26, 2023, 3:40 AM

#

Had to push a friend away 🥲

normal latch Aug 27, 2023, 1:14 AM

#

Bros and I are playing games and having fun catbongo

normal latch Aug 27, 2023, 4:23 PM

#

remembers my tests are tomorrow and I haven't been studying and now gotta 8800nosleep

#

also my grandma's bday so gotta crochet her something 8800nosleep

#

8800nosleep

normal latch Aug 27, 2023, 9:49 PM

#

Decided I'm making her gloves and already got one done. Kinda studying too but will focus more after I'm done. Bros and I are playing Terraria in a few hrs and I gotta do laundry. I'm a little anxious about tomorrow and gonna be hella busy so hopefully I can get some sleep tonight.

normal latch Aug 27, 2023, 11:38 PM

#

I wish I could just not tomorrow, gonna meet up with my grandparents after the tests but Idk. Guess I'm just anxious still and thinking I'mma fail again and it's the last day I can take 'em sadness

normal latch Aug 28, 2023, 2:37 PM

#

normal latch *remembers my tests are tomorrow and I haven't been studying and now gotta* <:88...

Change of plans, decided I'm rescheduling my tests and spending the day with my grandparents. I'm staying hopeful with the college situation though but going through a panic attack rn. Today's just not a good day and I can't focus. Got a few errands to run anyway.

normal latch Aug 29, 2023, 12:30 AM

#

Hmm, didn't get to even spend time with 'em today but hopefully tomorrow and my errands. Sometimes I wish I could hug everyone but should I? After the way I was treated? I am pretty forgiving but wish I wasn't since I just get brushed or told off. Anyway, I rescheduled my tests for Wednesday so might do everything then and playing Terraria with my bros now.

#

Sometimes I worry about my old friends and exes then I think of how they treated me.

#

Rant over, thx to 'em I have a great bf and real friends so I'm forever grateful. bunnylove

normal latch Aug 29, 2023, 1:22 AM

#

Called it lol, Idk why I'm nice to any of 'em. I shouldn't be. Like I won't be mean but doesn't mean I have to be nice either.

#

Ehhh I won't dwell on 'em, I'mma work on some gifts for fam and my bf. Hope he's getting some good rest. huddleshibaheart

normal latch Aug 29, 2023, 5:25 AM

#

Jericho and I finally played Terraria, challenged him to Scrabble sometime too. catbongo

normal latch Aug 29, 2023, 9:15 PM

#

So nice being home, ran errands this afternoon and took my grandma her gloves. I rescheduled my tests for tomorrow so studying I go. 😅

#

Had another panic attack cause I realized something but I can see some good sooo maybe I still have some hope.

normal latch Aug 30, 2023, 1:41 AM

#

I almost forgot to start studying mochieyes

#

Apparently Logan plays Terraria too so I'm hyped 3367catjump

#

I might get a break from this server, Idk if I'd leave again since it took me forever to ask for my old tags back but if my bf leaves then I might too.

normal latch Aug 30, 2023, 12:19 PM

#

About to go take my tests and keeping my hopes low. Even after studying a lot, I'm not hyped for math. Gonna spend the day with my mom and chillaxing.

normal latch Aug 30, 2023, 2:26 PM

#

I passed both and excelled in reading 3367catjump

normal latch Aug 31, 2023, 2:14 AM

#

Just got done playing Terraria with the bros. I got more yarn so back to crochet I go. catbongo

#

Tomorrow I gotta call and finish registering though. Might be busy actually since chores, other calls, and still applying for jobs.

normal latch Aug 31, 2023, 4:06 AM

#

Love this server sometimes lol PI_roopopcorn

normal latch Aug 31, 2023, 9:17 PM

#

Well my bf left, tempting to leave too but I'mma just get a break besides the cmds I guess. Someday I'll be on the richest board.

normal latch Aug 31, 2023, 10:45 PM

#

A few people would love if I left though. I'm hella bummed sadness

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 1:55 AM

#

Last time I was nice to an ex, I got told off. What I get for caring I guess...

#

Guess I can "screw off" or whatevs still...

#

Still baffles me but venting I guess

#

What people that claim to love me say and do, guess it doesn't matter with all the past stuff. Can't be changed anyway.

#

Some things and people I can't forgive, still wish I could forget though.

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 3:08 AM

#

Just wrote a poem for a friend, that cheered me up.

#

Just remembered a poem I started but never finished. It's not very good though, like all my writing. Guess I'll work on it.

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 5:31 AM

#

Bf and I are talking about our relationship, guess I'll put here what happens. So far it's not looking good though.

#

Drifting apart lately but doesn't mean we can't recover, might not be the right word but just got off a panic attack sadness

#

Yeah it's back nvm CB_thumbsupcat

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 6:31 AM

#

We broke up 1553_so_many_tears

#

I don't wanna let him go though LofiGirlCry

#

Maybe it's for the best sadness

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 2:12 PM

#

I'll never find anyone better, nobody's better than him but it's for the best 🥲 sadness

#

I'm convinced online dating's not for me, never works out. Irl though...I shouldn't think about the first time sadpuddle

#

1553_so_many_tears

#

Best guy for me gone, Idk when I'll be ok. I have my fam and friends to lean on but worried my friends would leave like the others.

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 3:43 PM

#

All my friends are on cheering me up so I'm slowly feeling better.

#

Still grateful for everyone huddleshibaheart

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 4:48 PM

#

Hmm

#

Still on a fence if friending exes or not's good....

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 7:51 PM

#

Idk why I unblocked everyone, decided I'mma reach out a day before he starts college and wish him gl. Rn we need space but maybe we can stay friends.

normal latch Sep 1, 2023, 10:06 PM

#

We talked things out and are still friends, we agreed space sometimes is good and glad to keep in touch bunnylove

#

But a relationship's too stressful and we both need time to ourselves. Friends is fine and I woulda friended my other exes if it wasn't awkward but oh well

normal latch Sep 2, 2023, 2:28 AM

#

I'm thinking about quitting Discord, lots of regret and I use it too much.

normal latch Sep 2, 2023, 4:39 AM

#

Can't help but think some exes only used me. Ik a few "friends" did. Guess I'll block 'em again. Idk why I was hoping anyone would wanna chat.

#

Oh man the rants I could go on but won't

normal latch Sep 2, 2023, 4:51 PM

#

I quickly realized why exes can't be friends. Kinda wanna vanish again since I have a feeling of dread breaking up with him and now things are just complicated. Doesn't help that I look at old posts with all his reactions and I miss it. Miss him being here and showing love like that. sadness

#

Bpd hits hard

#

I'mma just quit this, not like I could get on the leaderboard anytime soon and I'm still useless, I don't give advice so what good am I in a mental health server?

normal latch Sep 3, 2023, 7:34 PM

#

Well I had a nice break from the server, not like I could actually quit bunnylove

#

This place and my friends saved me from a very dark time, can't leave and at least stay away long mochieyes

#

Breaks are nice sometimes though catbongo

#

Plus I'm in a great mood, bf and I got back together and he rejoined so we're back to our silliness eveheart

normal latch Sep 4, 2023, 6:29 PM

#

Still so happy and he's the best guy ever, might be able to share a project I'm almost done with even though it's a little big and I'm still not confident in my crochet but maybe someday bunnylove

#

Something bugging me a little, when I said I wrote a poem for a friend. I mean I wrote it for him to give his gf on their anniversary. He's a poet too apparently. mochieyes

#

As usual my poetry sucks but she appreciated it lol

normal latch Sep 4, 2023, 8:12 PM

#

Someday I should get my daily headaches checked out. Anyway I made a healer char on Terraria so my bf has to keep carrying. I love healer. bunnylove

normal latch Sep 5, 2023, 1:06 AM

#

I might not reach out to lonely people anymore, I just feel annoying :/

normal latch Sep 7, 2023, 2:44 PM

#

I forgot this existed lol, I did reach out and made a new friend though. catbongo

#

Also been working on amigurumi but I'm not good at it sooo my sewing sucks and makes me more weary sharing mochieyes

normal latch Sep 7, 2023, 6:55 PM

#

I'll never understand why people that I did nothing to block me....Oh well I guess 🤷‍♀️

#

I have that habit of reacting with hugs a lot and tried someone's post and can't....Never even chatted...

normal latch Sep 7, 2023, 8:25 PM

#

Might not finish a shawl I'm working on, don't think the person it's for would like it mochieyes

#

Would love to see crochet though, especially amigurumi since I'm used to making blankets and accessories. Boring stuff I guess but I really love blankets bunnylove

normal latch Sep 7, 2023, 10:52 PM

#

I got curious and read a journal, think I coulda had another friend if I wasn't blocked 😔 huddleshibaheart

normal latch Sep 8, 2023, 12:49 AM

#

Just got done playing games with my bros, working on a shawl now and gonna try more amigurumi. My paranoia's through the roof though lately. I wanna push everyone away thinking I'd get hurt or screwed over again. Guess I'm used to fake friends instead of the real ones I have now. Ik I should focus on 'em but being hurt badly lingers. sadness

#

Doesn't help that I can't forget people so I'll never forget what anyone did to me. I still remember pretty much everyone from school, all my bullies ever. Amazing how good my memory is, it shouldn't be.

#

Almost like a dream but wasn't.

#

How can people be so cruel?

#

1553_so_many_tears

normal latch Sep 8, 2023, 5:11 PM

#

I'm feeling much better, besides a little congestion. I was pretty tired last night and stopped playing games early with my bros. And I'm a little bummed I messed up my shawl but fixing it since I got motivation again and ran an errand. Still gotta finish my fox too. catbongo

#

Hope y'all ok too huddleshibaheart

normal latch Sep 11, 2023, 6:07 PM

#

Did not realize it's been 3 days since I wrote in this. I've been busy crocheting and trying to finish my fox and I hate how it turned out. I'm tempted to show it off anyway to show that anything anyone else makes can't get worse.

#

I guess it's just cause I'm not used to making big animals or dolls.

normal latch Sep 11, 2023, 7:51 PM

#

It's done and I hate it, kinda too ashamed to show it off, even in this.

#

But

#

I only did it to help someone get confidence sooo Ik theirs will be better, especially with the correct yarn.

#

#

I tried and feel like I failed

#

Now

#

Some I'm actually proud of

#

Love my Ariel doll

#

Something that cheers me up is seeing my bf write and we have more in common. Feels like we're perfect for eachother.

#

Now to hide the pics lol, especially of that "fox" mochieyes

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Ik it'd be slightly better if I used bulky yarn instead of worsted but I only have some in mixed colors sooo Idk how they'd be as a fox. Still tempted to make a keychain, especially in blue or pink since I love pink lol.

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panda1

normal latch Sep 12, 2023, 10:16 PM

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Note to self: Stop putting intros everywhere since I attract creeps. mochieyes

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Man I hope that reminder doesn't vanish like the others.

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Besides cold I'm doing great. catbongo

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Been looming bracelets since I found my rubber bands, might show 'em off. I still feel bad not making anything during pride month.

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Idk if I mentioned it before in this but I told a friend I was working on something like a month after and he joked that I was "too late to celebrate" or something so I reminded him it's good to be ourselves yr round and rainbows are cool anyway.

normal latch Sep 13, 2023, 7:27 PM

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Well I've been looming rubber band bracelets since I was reminded and inspired. I'd show 'em off but the lighting in my house sucks. mochieyes

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Maybe later, cooking and chillaxing now since I ran outta some colors catbongo

normal latch Sep 14, 2023, 12:44 PM

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Can't sleep, I'm angry at someone rn so back to crocheting I guess. Started making socks and first one was too small so I found another pattern and made one too big 8800nosleep

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Is a good way to guess my size though, I have wide, big feet sooo I'mma try medium and hope I don't lose my marbles. 🥲

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Besides being angry at my bro, I'm doing good. My sis's bday so I hope she's doing good, wherever she is. Despite our bad falling out and all the fights she started and apologizing like twice ever, I can't stay mad and hate her. I probably should but can't.

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Mom's mad too and taking it out on me sadness

normal latch Sep 14, 2023, 1:16 PM

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Now my bf maybe thinks I'm a violent person when I said I wanted to do something but didn't, it was a passing thought and Ik violence isn't the answer. I'm tempted to avoid everyone today.

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Wish I could drink

normal latch Sep 14, 2023, 1:41 PM

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Wish I could vanish still

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I can't help but feel like the person I love most ever turned on me or is slowly drifting apart again

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Guess it's just the now though, the situation with my fam

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My upsetness with that, maybe I'll feel better later.

normal latch Sep 14, 2023, 2:36 PM

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We talked things out and my fam's calmed down so I am too bunnylove

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Still can't stay mad

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Making socks might make me rage quit crocheting again though 8800nosleep

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Still bummed I can't finish some bracelets

normal latch Sep 14, 2023, 9:15 PM

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Hmm, so I was reminded of cross-stitching, something I'm not good at but always wanted to try so embroidery. mochieyes

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Oh to go on a ramble or not lol, Ik what it is, I'm just bad at hand sewing usually. Can of course be done with a machine. It's pretty much sewing but with floss instead of thread to make designs.

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I might just stick to crochet for now catbongo

normal latch Sep 15, 2023, 3:57 PM

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And I'm burnt out from crochet, seems like I can't make more socks which sucks since my mom wanted some. Could also be that I have a cold so can barely focus. At least my bf's feeling better so I'm happy bunnylove

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Decided I'mma try cross-stitching later too, Ik it'd turn out badly but fun.

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 1:16 AM

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Back to being shy sharing.

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Did a char for the event but it's bad, like everything else I do. mochieyes

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Wish I could draw lol

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 1:33 AM

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It's raining so I'm not as sad over my drawings catbongo

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 3:34 AM

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Decided I'mma post it a day or 2 before the event ends. I was gonna show something else but it didn't turn out well mochieyes

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I'd talk about it but worried I'd get judged since it's not exactly normal. Nothing bad of course.

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Yeah I'm not one to flex nvm 😅

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 4:07 AM

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Hmm

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I wonder if I'm still blocked, damn shyness 😭

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I'll try hugging a post again and check cause Idk, I wanna be someone's friend.

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 4:54 AM

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catbongo

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I hate being blocked for no reason, oh well. Guess we can't be friends.

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Been awhile since I checked if anyone's lonely, I like making friends when I'm down.

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Or checking huddler to someone being hilarious 😂

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 5:16 AM

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Hmm, unless I'm reminded later then maybe it's best to post it soon.

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And try to not care still what people think and say BunnyPray

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Still find it bizarre how it was easier growing up than now, granted I wasn't as insecure back then.

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I miss welcoming people

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 5:40 AM

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Also miss having confidence to chat in huddler mochieyes

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Hmm

normal latch Sep 16, 2023, 3:27 PM

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Still sick, wish I could sleep all day but playing games with my bros later. Also gotta clean and do some laundry.

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 4:22 AM

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Might stay up all night since someone tried to break into my house. I'm afraid of home invasions and it makes me hella paranoid.

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I'm not sick anymore, don't have a headache either, just some neck pain.

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 6:01 AM

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I wish I was a good writer, tempting to be in contests and still bummed missing out on a poetry one on a server I'm in.

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Wish I was good at anything sadness

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People always calling me pretty and saying stuff I make's nice but I can't see it.

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 5:36 PM

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Wasn't gonna chat today, just haven't been in the mood but I'm not sick anymore and can't see the mental health chats so I'm feeling much better. catbongo

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Guess I can't really take a break from this server.

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Only one I'm active in. mochieyes

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Glad my bf's doing better, off day for us both huddleshibaheart

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Plus decided it's our 2nd month anniversary so that cheers me up a little, already gave him a present. bunnylove

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Just wish it was good enough, same with the poems.

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 6:01 PM

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I feel like a failure again, tried cheering up a friend and don't think I did.

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Been awhile since I checked up on some now that I think about it. mochieyes

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I always feel bad though bugging Chris since he's usually writing or watching Nascar. Love his stories, wish he put more in his journal.

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 8:12 PM

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He's offline anyway, probably busy.

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I started crocheting a sweater, hopefully I don't rage quit again. catbongo

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 9:12 PM

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Taking a break from my sweater, might start something else. I wanna do more amigurumi but can't decide what. I tried cross-stitching 😅

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Ehhh practice makes perfect so I'll keep trying. catbongo

normal latch Sep 17, 2023, 10:03 PM

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Well I'm hella bored, might try to make some jewelry or paint. Been awhile since I've done either.

normal latch Sep 18, 2023, 1:11 AM

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I'm still paranoid, guess I'll stay up till like 3 again.

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Working on my sweater again.

normal latch Sep 18, 2023, 4:22 AM

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Got bored of my sweater again lol, decided I'll sleep soon but stay infront of a door. I'll feel safe for sure when my bro moves in.

normal latch Sep 18, 2023, 5:28 AM

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BunnyGoodNight

normal latch Sep 18, 2023, 1:23 PM

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I love waking up sick /s. Gotta run an errand later though, still gotta do laundry too. Slept ok I guess. I wanna draw more but slowly losing motivation again.

#Mila's Journal