bears journal | Huddle | Page 1

upper mantle Mar 18, 2023, 6:36 PM

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Day 1
I meditated in the sun today, made myself eat some spaghetti and lit a candle for Loki. My cat wanted to cuddle my little sister and it was nice to see her happy. I’m so sleepy today and it’s making me a bit upset. It’s day one off my meds and day three of grump week. So neither are In my favor. But I had coffee earlier and ice cream though they made my tum hurt. The day is far from over but I’m thinking of cancelling my friend coming over tomorrow because I feel like secluding myself

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Prompt of the day
How would you complement yourself?
I think I’m pretty and nice and I treat people fairly.

upper mantle Mar 18, 2023, 10:52 PM

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Day 1. Continues
Argued with mom.
Did dishes
Ate some food even tho was forced
I got some pine straw and made bundles with it and I may mess w my hair if I get the motivation. I need to wash my sheets but I don’t know if I have time/motivation before bed

upper mantle Mar 18, 2023, 11:12 PM

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I FOUND YARN

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 12:03 AM

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Wren tried to knit and now our hands hurt

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 2:02 AM

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I wanna make music but it’s hard

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 3:26 PM

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Day 2
I ate and I didn’t purge I’m proud of myself
I got a protein drink to substitute food and it helped alot to fight purging the urge was really strong for a bit tho but I fought through it.
I have to go to a meal with my father today which is kinda scary but I’ll get through it. I’m looking forward to doing my makeup tho bc I wanna be bold

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Prompt of the day:
The most memorable thing that happened this week was that I got to snuggle with Loki

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I think I’m going to make another attempt to clean my room and take my meds today. Yesterday I skipped them because I had a episode

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I’m getting really nauseous

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 3:51 PM

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I have 29 more mins

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I have to remember to keep my boundaries even though I don’t feel like trying

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Depression sucks

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I made it 33 minutes

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 4:24 PM

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I did it i did it I finished the entire thing and I didn’t purge to do it

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 6:58 PM

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Test

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Guess I have to rephrase…

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Just gonna post as a pic I’m to depresso to retype it

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I loved that horse

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I’m so upset rn

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Everything’s making it worse

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Maybe I’m just sensitive

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 7:45 PM

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I’m finally home and getting to sleep or lay in bed for hours

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 8:47 PM

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I hate the sleepy

upper mantle Mar 19, 2023, 10:52 PM

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I took a good nap now I’m less grumpy

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I feel like a npc tho

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 12:02 AM

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I tidied my room and imma wash my sheets soon. So two things on my list done

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 12:29 AM

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i think im going to meditate before bed tonight

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 12:48 AM

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sometimes i feel like im not valid because i dont ||self harm deep|| or that I use non throw up methods to purge. it makes me feel like in order to be valid i should start doing it more extreme but im not going to, just a impulse thought

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 11:28 AM

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Day 3
I’m having beans for breakfast because there’s nothing else in the house to eat and I don’t wanna go to school

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 12:02 PM

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Prompt
Something you miss from your childhood
Ice skating

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I miss my friends

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 2:29 PM

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I want to sleep

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Like really badly

upper mantle Mar 20, 2023, 10:56 PM

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Ugh depression here we go again

upper mantle Mar 21, 2023, 12:20 AM

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I almost cut

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I relapsed

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I’m a failure

upper mantle Mar 21, 2023, 1:37 AM

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My bf found out and he’s upset

upper mantle Mar 21, 2023, 2:51 AM

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Some girl tried flirting with my man and I thretened to off her

upper mantle Mar 21, 2023, 2:19 PM

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Day 4
School sucks and my arms hurt. I’m playing catch up

upper mantle Mar 21, 2023, 3:59 PM

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Just had a guy ask me out but I have a bf so I said no and I feel bad that I may have hurt his feelings

upper mantle Mar 22, 2023, 4:44 PM

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Day 5
I’m at school and Caleb’s hoodie came in so I get to wear it to school even tho it’s not dress code

upper mantle Mar 22, 2023, 5:41 PM

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I wish ppl liked my song I hope he stays

upper mantle Mar 22, 2023, 11:19 PM

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iz in little space and we is playing minecraft togethers and we made a new world and i keep going in and out of little space

upper mantle Mar 23, 2023, 1:35 PM

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Day6
I’m at school and people are giving me trouble online for following the rules of the server.

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Something that recently touched/moved me was when my boyfriend makes things for me in Minecraft

upper mantle Mar 23, 2023, 2:02 PM

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I forgot to take my meds and can’t concentrate

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My tummy hurts

upper mantle Mar 23, 2023, 5:06 PM

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I wanna take a nap and I don’t wanna wait until lunch to do it

upper mantle Mar 23, 2023, 9:43 PM

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My jaw hurts

upper mantle Mar 23, 2023, 10:33 PM

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im so sleepy

upper mantle Mar 24, 2023, 2:15 AM

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tonight was amazing, i took a catnap after what we were up to. i love him. i wish i could exclaim it easier

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im a man of few words i suppose

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i invited him to see this even though it makes me a little anxious that he wont like some things i say. but i guess thats trust. and i trust him.

upper mantle Mar 24, 2023, 2:47 AM

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I so sleepy

upper mantle Mar 24, 2023, 3:06 AM

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Peopl r mean

upper mantle Mar 24, 2023, 5:00 PM

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my cat snuggled me for a bit and it was nice to have kitty snuggles though im really hungry and mom wont let us go get food

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i admire

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my boyfriend

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because hes really strong for being in a long distant relatiship and dealing with me

upper mantle Mar 25, 2023, 6:19 PM

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Ima good snuggler

upper mantle Mar 25, 2023, 10:23 PM

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I GOT A COLLAR AND IT HAS A BELL

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Im like a cat hehehehe

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its a little tight tho-

upper mantle Mar 26, 2023, 12:07 AM

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i made ears

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im a bear now

upper mantle Mar 26, 2023, 1:28 AM

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i made a friend today

upper mantle Mar 26, 2023, 3:22 AM

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i hate my father

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i hate what he did

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i hate everything about him

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i hate thinking about it i hate the flashbacks

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shit im bipolar

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im all the bis

upper mantle Mar 29, 2023, 1:19 PM

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I want snugglessss ugh

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I wanna lay in someone’s lap

upper mantle Mar 29, 2023, 11:28 PM

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im overwhelmed and mad

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i made that to be MINE not someone else's

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my thoughts

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my feelings

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noone elses

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thats why it had My name

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not theirs

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i had the uncontrolable rage of bpd that im feeling

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im not even gonna use that anymore if i cant use it without other's putting their 2 cents in

upper mantle Mar 30, 2023, 1:23 PM

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Now I feel like I can’t write what I want without judgement or words being twisted

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Ugh bpd chilllll

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I wanted to use this one as a happy vent and the other as a upset vent because ocd decided it and ppl think I want their opinions so I can’t write freely without them twisting my words even tho I asked Noone to comment on them ugh

upper mantle Mar 30, 2023, 6:51 PM

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Do do da do

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Hehehehe I write in crows

upper mantle Mar 31, 2023, 12:22 AM

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People make me mad. They make me mad because they can’t give me the basic respect to not write on my shit

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I bluntly state “don’t write here” and someone comes along and thinks “why don’t I write here”

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It’s not that hard to keep your damn Thoughts to yourself. I obviously know this is here I use it daily I’m not fucking stupid

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I hate the human race.

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I prolly piss ppl off but who cares I don’t know them and they don’t know me. Someone else can swaddle their emotions. It’s not my problem

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I wanna throat punch someone

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I apologized so they wouldn’t off themselves over spilt milk

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Aka my feelings spilling out

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They shouldn’t have commented tho and I wasn’t that mean

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I’ve calmed down and am actually sorry now.

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And imma go color with my boyfriend to get relaxed

upper mantle Apr 1, 2023, 1:19 AM

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I’m annoyed because one girl on our call is being a pick me

upper mantle Apr 1, 2023, 5:02 PM

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he thinks im gonna leave him and its overwhelming me and making me feel like i need space even tho i dont want space

upper mantle Apr 1, 2023, 7:23 PM

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The stuffy came in

upper mantle Apr 1, 2023, 7:40 PM

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I threw up

upper mantle Apr 1, 2023, 8:30 PM

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My friend won’t let me go to prom with her because of her stupid boyfriend

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Fuck men

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Sometimes I wanna be a lesbian

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I’m tired of the male species making me mad

upper mantle Apr 1, 2023, 10:48 PM

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They won’t take me to prom and it’s making me mad that they are showing off to me

upper mantle Apr 2, 2023, 1:08 PM

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I feel like cutting again

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My arms are craving it

upper mantle Apr 2, 2023, 10:03 PM

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I feel like a boy again

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Ohhhh mcr here we go again

upper mantle Apr 2, 2023, 11:25 PM

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I feel like I’m just existing and the cravings won’t go away. The rain is soothing a bit tho. I feel the mania rising and the sceneries in my head are getting weird

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I’m trying really hard to not abandon him even though my depression wants to be alone

upper mantle Apr 3, 2023, 5:40 PM

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I’ve slept through 4 classes in a row what’s wrong with me

cosmic socketBOT Apr 3, 2023, 6:49 PM

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Well done ✧ᴸᶤᵗᵗˡᵉ ! you are rewarded with <@&1051306961662128248> for having made an entry in your journal on 10 different days.

upper mantle Apr 3, 2023, 6:51 PM

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What’s the reacting for?/gen

cosmic socketBOT Apr 3, 2023, 6:53 PM

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[2;34mIt's to keep track of the days[0m

upper mantle Apr 3, 2023, 6:53 PM

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Ohhhh

cosmic socketBOT Apr 3, 2023, 6:53 PM

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[2;34mCongratulations 🎊[0m

upper mantle Apr 3, 2023, 6:54 PM

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fk_frog_dance

upper mantle Apr 4, 2023, 12:46 PM

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I’m waiting outside the library to get my clairanet and I’m so bored and I just hope the teacher gets here soon

upper mantle Apr 4, 2023, 1:19 PM

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A girl found out I’m a satanist and was trying to spread things about me. So even though I don’t do any magic and I don’t know how to. I told her I’d he’d her bloodline if she said anything to anyone about it and she got tears in her eyes she was so scared. I think I fixed the rumor problem

upper mantle Apr 5, 2023, 12:09 AM

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She found my old pictures on his phone from 4 years ago and are prolly gonna spread them

upper mantle Apr 5, 2023, 6:08 PM

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Everything is shakeyyyy

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Iz been little all dayzzzzz

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Wants cuddles

upper mantle Apr 5, 2023, 8:45 PM

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I hungi

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ANGI

upper mantle Apr 5, 2023, 11:27 PM

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I chew my lip

upper mantle Apr 6, 2023, 3:59 PM

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Sad

upper mantle Apr 6, 2023, 4:58 PM

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My friend yelled at me

upper mantle Apr 6, 2023, 10:04 PM

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I got candy

upper mantle Apr 7, 2023, 10:57 PM

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hes mine

upper mantle Apr 10, 2023, 2:51 AM

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I relapsed again

upper mantle Apr 10, 2023, 5:17 PM

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Happy

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Now

upper mantle Apr 10, 2023, 7:53 PM

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Has fruit

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And new meds

upper mantle Apr 12, 2023, 4:29 PM

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Owwwwwwww

upper mantle Apr 12, 2023, 9:16 PM

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My tummy hurts bad bc of the cysts

upper mantle Apr 12, 2023, 11:46 PM

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It hurts worse

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 1:22 AM

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z_staredown_cry

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 1:46 PM

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I tried to eat pizza and it made my tummy hurt

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I’m rlly little rn

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Bababababa

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I really wanna write a lot here nows but I need to do dishes

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I has a good partner

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I wish we were poly sometimes doh. But I love him for him so I can deal with not being poly. It just feels a little weird

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Maybe I can drink a protein drink instead of eating so my tummy will let me eat

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Also im two days clean today. Two days I haven’t cut even tho it’s really craving badly at night

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That’s why I call him at night alot more recently. I can’t bring myself to cut with him on call

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My sides hurttttt I hate cysts

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I feel embarrassed for how I acted when I was off my meds in my other journal I hurt ppls feelings just because I was hurting

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I feel overwhelmed

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I wanna be social and earn different collectibles on the server but interacting is hard

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I get so unbearably anxious

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Maybe I can start small and work up

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I’ll set a goal.
To interact in three channels
If I can do that then it will be ok

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Daily check in

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Accomplishments

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Daily goals

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The overwhelm is bad

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Really bad

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Really bad

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Ahhhhhhhh

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I hate it why can’t I be normal

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What if they think I’m stupid or something or that I’m stupid for only lasting two days

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They may think I’m weak

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 2:20 PM

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bears journal

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I want spaghetti

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 2:46 PM

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I feel useless

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Maybe I should go on a walk

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 5:28 PM

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the walk helped a bit but i started limping after because of my bad knee and i figured out the senior in my history class lives beside me now hes my new neighbor and hes kinda intimidating. i think this because i waved and he didnt even wave back

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 6:30 PM

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Nnnnnnn

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 7:53 PM

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I’m mad

upper mantle Apr 13, 2023, 11:25 PM

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WHY CANT I BE A GOOD HELPERRRRRR FA_CheetahCry

upper mantle Apr 14, 2023, 2:41 AM

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I shouldn’t have said anything in accomplishments

upper mantle Apr 14, 2023, 2:39 PM

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My tummyyy

upper mantle Apr 14, 2023, 2:56 PM

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My mom saw my sh

upper mantle Apr 14, 2023, 4:54 PM

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L; test

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ugh theres no pk

upper mantle Apr 14, 2023, 9:58 PM

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Bababababa

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I’m tryna be happyyy

upper mantle Apr 15, 2023, 2:21 PM

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I’m tired of always being sleepy

upper mantle Apr 16, 2023, 12:45 AM

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Mochiiiii

upper mantle Apr 16, 2023, 2:01 AM

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I hate begging for attention

upper mantle Apr 16, 2023, 7:29 PM

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My mood swings be tripping

upper mantle Apr 17, 2023, 4:56 PM

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Weeee

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Frien house

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Here come

upper mantle Apr 18, 2023, 1:43 PM

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I have to go to the gyno today and I’m panicking

upper mantle Apr 18, 2023, 9:55 PM

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Update: it wasn’t that bad just embarrassing

upper mantle Apr 19, 2023, 2:10 PM

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I want stuffies

upper mantle Apr 19, 2023, 10:30 PM

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Stuffies

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I want a shit ton of stuffies

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I wonder if Caleb would let me have a sugar daddy if I bought him things

upper mantle Apr 20, 2023, 10:20 PM

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Tuffies

upper mantle Apr 21, 2023, 5:21 AM

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Sleepy

upper mantle Apr 21, 2023, 3:36 PM

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Fulls

upper mantle Apr 22, 2023, 12:29 AM

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I’m sad

upper mantle Apr 24, 2023, 3:25 AM

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Weee

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Friends

upper mantle Apr 24, 2023, 6:21 PM

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I wish I could mend why Chris didn’t like him

upper mantle Apr 25, 2023, 12:48 AM

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Never mind he left

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I’m alone again

upper mantle Apr 25, 2023, 12:22 PM

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Well ig I can actually write what I want now since he can’t see it

upper mantle Apr 26, 2023, 9:34 PM

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This type of shit makes me wanna kill myself. They don’t understand how much I struggle with did. How many times I’ve woken up in dangerous situations. Not known people who alters befriend. Have identity crisis every day. Not know who I am or when I’ll be able to front again if I’m not forced dormant. Not being able to control when I switch. It makes me wanna cut so damn badly

upper mantle Apr 29, 2023, 3:47 AM

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I wish I was faking this

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Gods it would be so much easier

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I’ve been sitting here crying for the past ten minutes because my boyfriends phone died and I can’t make sure he’s safe

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I’m a mod on a different server so I’ve been having to verify people while trying not to cry and it’s so overwhelming but I love the server and I like being a moderator

upper mantle Apr 29, 2023, 11:10 PM

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I have a cold

upper mantle Apr 30, 2023, 1:56 AM

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Bababababbababa

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Ba

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Ba

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Lol

upper mantle May 1, 2023, 3:41 PM

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I don’t like some people that are rude

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Haha she got banned

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That’s what she gets

upper mantle May 1, 2023, 5:06 PM

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Ow my ribsss

upper mantle May 1, 2023, 8:58 PM

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They really hurt

upper mantle May 1, 2023, 9:19 PM

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||I wish more people understood paganism||

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Also Tw religion ^

upper mantle May 1, 2023, 9:37 PM

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I’m so mad rn. Ilgaz is getting in my way and acting like I’m a child when we are on the same damn level of moderation. He makes me want to quit some days with his pessimistic attitude

upper mantle May 2, 2023, 2:02 PM

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AHHHHHHH

upper mantle May 2, 2023, 2:19 PM

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I always feel like I’m a ghost

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Maybe I should change my name to just a ghost

upper mantle May 2, 2023, 7:54 PM

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i made a friend and i stimmed and now my hands hurt

upper mantle May 2, 2023, 9:49 PM

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im so mad rn my mom treats me like im a fucking infant

upper mantle May 4, 2023, 12:14 AM

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birth control be making me mad

upper mantle May 4, 2023, 5:11 PM

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My finger hurts bc I was mad and scratched it

upper mantle May 4, 2023, 6:55 PM

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screech

upper mantle May 5, 2023, 2:25 AM

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I have a bump on my tongueeeee

upper mantle May 6, 2023, 3:47 PM

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I sleepy but I wanna work out

upper mantle May 6, 2023, 9:52 PM

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Nnnn

upper mantle May 8, 2023, 3:49 AM

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I’m so tired

upper mantle May 8, 2023, 12:56 PM

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z_staredown_cry frogblink

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shrugging

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fk_non_verbal

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s_nv_wordsarehard

upper mantle May 8, 2023, 9:32 PM

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1553_so_many_tears

upper mantle May 9, 2023, 2:59 PM

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FA_FlappyDragonL

#bears journal