Becoming a more powerful singer and an icon - roast my hook please!

[scenic phoenix]

For context, my channel revolves around singing better, going through the motions of practice myself and helping others achieve better voices. Here’s the hook for the video:
————————————————————

When was the last time you heard a singer that had style.

Energy.

Someone everyone would look up to… and feel inspired by.

Someone whose unique voice you could NOT mistake.

(flicking forward through years to 2026 with clock ticks and a riser in background - visually, black background, 3 clips of famous singers per second and bold Inter font white text for year numbers)

But now, you sit around watching these TikTok singers all day… and…

(zoomed in phone scrolling TikTok singers)

…you’re no better than them.

(Close up of me)
Why IS that?

//
(medium shot, more conversational)
Like they… actually annoy me how bad and BORING they are, so I’m going to give you 7 things you can work on every day to get 1% better at your craft than them.

[severe hollow]

The wording in the end could probably be done better, I'm not gonna write a whole hook but you can figure it out for sure
'I'm going to give you 7 thing....... then them"
The whole sentence is not good, ask AI.

Also I don't understand the start "when was the last time you heard a singer that had style"
Today, I heard one today, I don't get it
Also feels a bit overexited/ai generated at the start like "energy, someone everyone would look up to... and feel inspired by"
I feel like it's a bit too much.

I know my feedback may sound a little harsh, it's because I'm trying to actually help, instead of just answering "no bro everything is amazing congrats"
You probably prefer improving then being glazed

You can reply to this and tell me what you think about the feedback.

Just checked out your channel, you don't really get any views, why is that?