📝｜proofreading

[tropic ridge]

She told the man that she must leave so she can sell the matchsticks and earn money for her family so they won’t go hungry. The man felt pity for the girl and said to her that she he’ll buy all her matches. The girl was initially taken back by his comment but then decided to give in. The man bought all her matches as well as gave her extra money. He told her to use the money for her family’s well-being. She jumped with joy and hugged the man. Thanking him multiple times.

She told the man that she must leave to sell matchsticks and earn money for her family so they wouldn’t go hungry. The man felt pity for the girl and said he would buy all her matches. Initially she was taken back by his offer, but then decided to accept his offer.
The man bought all her matches and gave her extra money, telling her to use it for her family’s well-being. Overwhelmed with joy, she jumped up and hugged the man, thanking him multiple times. As she walks away from the house, she smiles to herself and thanked her grandmother for bringing this action of kindness to her. She felt that she had entered into the joys of a new year.
As she walked away from the house, She smiled to herself and silently thanked her grandmother, believing this act of kindness was her doing. She felt that she was experiencing the joys of a new year.

I'm so sorry for how long it is

@queen wedge Hi! I wanted to ask you, could you proofread my work if you're alright with it?

[queen wedge]

Hii!

Yessss, I'll proofread it! I'll focus on grammar because that seems to be what you want checked!

I really don't see any grammar mistakes except for a few, but you can easily fix them!

Here: "He quickly warped his coat around her and rushed to a nearby store to buy some items for her, hoping to save her in time", you probably meant "wrapped."

"The man felt pity for the girl and said to her that she he’ll buy all her matches." In this sentence, remove the "she."

"Initially she was taken back by his offer, but then decided to accept his offer." Oh, this messes me up sometimes too! It should be "taken aback."

Discord might've ruined the formatting here: 😭

The man bought all her matches and gave her extra money, telling her to use it for her family’s well-being. Overwhelmed with joy, she jumped up and hugged the man, thanking him multiple times. As she walks away from the house, she smiles to herself and thanked her grandmother for bringing this action of kindness to her. She felt that she had entered into the joys of a new year.
As she walked away from the house, She smiled to herself and silently thanked her grandmother, believing this act of kindness was her doing. She felt that she was experiencing the joys of a new year.

But you're switching between tenses. For example: "As she walks away from the house, she smiles to herself and thanked her grandmother..." You use "smiles", which is present tense, and then you use past tense, "thanked her grandmother." I would change it to past tense so it matches with the rest of your writing!

Where you write, "She jumped with joy and hugged the man. Thanking him multiple times. ", you need to replace the period with a comma because "Thanking him multiple times" isn't a complete sentence so it needs to join your previous sentence!

Actually, it should probably be "She jumped with joy and hugged the man, and thanked him multiple times."

For stylistic choice, I'm super picky and a horrible editor when it comes to it. So it might be better asking someone else, but I'll try to see!

Your writing has descriptiveness, but it's still straight-forward. Although, I have always found it useful to show and not tell when writing! Unless, yk, you're trying to replicate the format of the original story with your creative touch!

But, there are parts where your descriptiveness clashes with your brevity, and I was a bit confused, like here especially: "The little girl was fascinated with the sight of the roast goose steaming with its stuffing of apple and dried plums, jumping off the table decorated with porcelain crockery that approached her."

Omg, that sentence has a lot to say in one sentence. I would change it to something like this: "The little girl was infatuated with the sight of a roast goose steaming with its stuffings of apple and dried plums, jumping off the table that was decorated with porcelain crockery towards her."

But maybe even consider making it two sentences?

This is my FAVOURITE sentence, omg: "The little girl in her illusion saw the lights of the Christmas tree as stars flying through the sky."

You should really consider using the comma more often because I think it'll add more emphasis to your writing!

Like here: "The little girl, in her illusion, saw the lights of the Christmas tree as stars flying through the sky."

[queen wedge]

Doesn't this seem to have more emphasis and clarity?

It also feels like the narrator is almost mocking or feeling pity for the girl by making it clear through these commas that surround "in her illusion", that she is imagining things in her horrible situation!

You could try that in other places.

Also, since for each character you can really only use their pronoun and character name, I'd try to use both evenly as possible so it doesn't look like you're just using "she ate," "she moved to the...", etc. Finally, I would really only make certain parts that are repetitive (like in one sentence you use "so" a lot) shorter.

Srry, I gtg. Dinner, but I hope it helps!

[tepid geode]

Hello, Can anyone proofreading my essay? When i edit this essay, i also check some model essay for some idea. So this is what I got.

Write about your most interesting childhood experience

                                                   The Hidden Pond

It was 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and I could barely contain my excitement as the car pulled into the driveway. "Beep beep!" I jumped out, sprinting towards the house. I quickly changed out of my school uniform into my favorite casual clothes, tidied myself up, and hastily finished my homework. The sooner I completed it, the sooner I could play with my neighbors. In our close-knit neighborhood, everyone called me Fen Fen, a nickname derived from my Chinese name.
As soon as I was done, I dashed next door and called out, "Piaaa, Piaaa, Piaaa... Let’s come and play!" Pia, a long and thin girl a year older than me, emerged from her house with a bright smile. "Okay, okay, Fen Fen, wait a minute, I’ll be there," she exclaimed. Pia was the friendliest girl I had ever met, and despite our age difference, we were inseparable.
Together, we headed to the park, our favorite playground of imagination and adventure. That day, we decided to play pretend-cooking games with leaves. We gathered an assortment of leaves and stones, smashing the leaves with the stones until they became tiny fragments. Pretending they were delicious meals, we feigned eating them, giggling at our own creativity.
As we were engrossed in our game, something extraordinary happened. We noticed a strange, shimmering light coming from behind a cluster of bushes. Our curiosity piqued, we approached the bushes cautiously. To our amazement, we found a small, hidden pond surrounded by a ring of wildflowers. The sunlight filtered through the trees, casting a magical glow on the water's surface. It felt like we had discovered a secret world.

The pond became our secret hideout, a place of endless possibilities. We spent hours by its edge, making up stories about fairies and mythical creatures that lived in the depths of the water. We even built a small "fairy village" using twigs, leaves, and flowers. Pia and I would often bring little treasures—buttons, shiny stones, and colorful beads—to decorate our fairy village.
Looking back, discovering the hidden pond was more than just an interesting childhood experience. It was a journey into a world of imagination and friendship. The magic of that place and the adventures Pia and I had there shaped a significant part of my childhood. It taught me the beauty of nature, the power of creativity, and the importance of a loyal friend. Even now, whenever I visit my old neighborhood, I make it a point to stop by the park, and I smile, remembering those magical afternoons with Pia.

[tropic ridge]

Thank you for proofreading my work!
I should've seen that I sent the same thing twice, I'm so sorry for the confusion!

[vestal hemlock]

Hi Rainee, this is excellent! Great job. Some small corrections:

Piaaa... Let’s come and play!"
This sounds bit awkward in English. We can say any of the following: "Let's play!", "Let's go play!", "Come and play!", or "Come play!". But we don't say "Let's come and play". This is because we do not use the verb "come" after the word "let's"; instead we say "let's go" when we want to encourage moving somewhere. (I do not know if there is a grammatical reason for why we never say "let's come", or if this is just a quirk of native speakers!). For your essay, you can pick any of the bolded options!

Pia, a long and thin girl
We do not usually call humans "long" in English. We can say "tall" to talk about their height, or we can say "long-limbed" or "long-legged" to say they have long and thin arms/legs. So for example, "Pia, a tall and thin girl" or "Pia, a thin and long-limbed girl"

she exclaimed.
This is not a strict rule, but usually we do not use "exclaimed" without also having an exclamation point in the dialogue ("I'll be there!" she exclaimed)

Playground of imagination
This is ok, but "playground for imagination" sounds more natural to me!

[queen wedge]

It was really fun proofreading it!

If you’re ever doing a super large assignments (unless you’re confident) I would suggest asking two people to proofread it.

[tepid geode]

got it, thanks Emily!

[barren star]

Anyone doing freelance in proofreading as well??

[queen wedge]

Always free!!

[barren star]

not here but in real world are you??

[queen wedge]

Oh-

No. Unless proofreading for classmates counts! 🤷‍♀️

[heady nova]

Hi

[floral spoke]

Sure.

Struggling actually with my startup

[hollow shard]

Which type of Documents do you work on it ؟

[floral spoke]

I don't understand

[wild jewel]

Hi

[prisma lake]

Hi

[heady nova]

hello

[floral spoke]

sure

[proud sorrel]

你们好hi

[proud sorrel]

没有人在吗

[lime oar]

有！

[neat copper]

Hi everyone! Is there anybody else to talk about IELTS WRITING Exam? I have a lot of questions regarding to key assessment criteria Let be friend and discuss IELTS Writing exam ^^ Please feel free to send me DM

[fickle pumice]

who can talk me?

[queen wedge]

Sure!!

[sweet coral]

Hello

[vernal kayak]

Hey I got my exam back, my teacher often seems to don't know englisch.
Could someone proofread my exam?
10 pages - I know a lot but I feel like many of the marked parts are not that wrong 😦

[turbid crow]

yes, but it may take some time

[vernal kayak]

🙏🏻

[heady nova]

Can someone please proofread my essay? DM me

[queen wedge]

Yes!!

I love essays. 💖

[fervent valve]

anyone able to read over an essay based on a rubric

[crude sphinx]

Hi

[craggy anchor]

Hi

[queen wedge]

Finals r death. 😭

[heady nova]

https://medium.com/@nehakumarirajak21/things-to-do-in-your-early-20s-ecd340ef5bda

Hello beautiful people, I've been exploring writing as a hobby and wrote this article. I would highly appreciate it if you proofread and point out any mistakes that need editing. Thank you 😄

[queen wedge]

Hii!

Whoa. Your article is amazing! If I were to say anything about the content of the article then I'd be stupid, so I'll just stick with the grammar.

In your first paragraph it should be "well prepared." This, "...this period is marked by uncertainty and often times, second-guessing our decisions. " should be its own sentence. It's very close to your previous one so consider joining it with a semicolon!

Actually, I'd probably change it to this:

This period is marked by uncertainty and often times, second-guessing our decisions**;** but it is also filled with excitement, the desire to do the unachievable and prove ourselves.

Your single sentence paragraph: "However, no matter how much you prepare yourself, feeling like you have everything under control, life is filled with unexpected events..." seems to fit better with your previous paragraph because it acts as a transition sentence.

In par. 3, lowercase "Job market."

Also: "Entering adulthood means job hunting and considering the situation of the job market in 2024**,** it is pretty tough."

I can see that some of your sentences begin with "and." I think it can help in some parts to join it with your previous sentence rather than making its own, like in par. 4.

Change "…….." to an ellipsis, "..."

I always do this when I'm writing and I want to mention it now so it doesn't look like I'm correcting every part of your style—it's so amazing, btw.

Basically, it's the comma splice; it's when you begin a sentence and attach another sentence with it and between them is the comma. This simply doesn't work because the comma doesn't join two different sentences.

You need to use the em dash, semicolon or join it with a conjunction.

You can join it using the em dash or semicolon or use a conjunction like and, but yk, that looks terribly ugly and affects your style!

Remove the hyphen that comes right before your first subheader.

You use the Oxford comma in some instances and not in others. For consistency's sake, I would stick with either using it wholly or not using it at all.

"Turns out mom was right all this time**:** IT IS THE DAMN PHONE!!! Social media can be addictive. "

[queen wedge]

Yk what, I'm sticking w/ conventional English but I rlly don't think anyone will care if you use ten exclamation marks or use "............" instead of "..."

I personally don't see any other important grammar changes (and I might be wrong, but I hope I'm not because that just means more work for you). I wish I could write as well as you do on issues that actually impact people's lives!

[queen wedge]

Except lowercasing the "you" in "Thank You" at the very end. (Sorry 🤐 ).

[heady nova]

Haha OMG!! Thank you for reading, truly appreciate all the corrections you have pointed out. I will implement them in my writing. 😊 🌺

[heady nova]

https://medium.com/@nehakumarirajak21/education-for-all-pehchaan-the-street-schools-commitment-to-inclusive-learning-a5126507fc6e

I wrote another one 😃

Give it a read and share your thoughts

@queen wedge I kept in mind all the previous grammatical mistakes while writing this piece Still feel like there's a lot of room for improvement

[queen wedge]

Whoa...I learnt so much from your article.

You're a really great writer. There really aren't big changes needed, only some minor ones. In par. 1, you should replace your semicolon with a period. If you want to use the semicolon, just make sure it's a complete sentence, but I feel like it's a lot better with the comma.

In par. 2, use, "Government of India." I should also note, now, you do a really great job of transitioning from paragraph to paragraph and sentence to sentence, but I feel sometimes that in the transition there's some "hiccup." It's hard to describe exactly but here:

"The Government of India has various initiatives to ensure that every child receives their basic fundamental right to education. Despite the efforts, the grim reality is that India faces a significant challenge with high school dropout rates."

There's nothing wrong but beginning with "despite the efforts" just seems a bit off. I would've began with something like this: "However, despite the efforts..."

For your quotations, just add a period at the end, and use the em dash (not the en dash, which is –).

Consider changing this, "The reality falls short, especially since the conditions of government schools in villages and slum underprivileged areas lack basic sanitation facilities."

"The reality falls short, especially since the conditions of government schools in villages and slums are underprivileged areas which lack basic sanitation facilities."

Here, "...and has grown to over 1,000+ students and 1000+ volunteers", you don't need to add the "+" because "has grown to over" already does the job.

Ok, this really isn't a suggestion as much as it is a bias I have in writing (but I'm guilty too), but it's nominalisation.

In academic writing nominalisations are frequent and preferred but even then, I find that if there's no underlying content with it then it makes your text very dry.

For example, where you write, "...institutionalization and commodification of education."

I love them because you don't have to explain "institutionalisation" or "commodification" when you use them, and the words do the abstractions to the reader for you. But don't you think if there's no explanation or content to it, it makes it dry?

I'm not sure but I would just like to point that out.

Lastly, I don't think there's supposed to be a hyphen when you use "Pehchaan-The Street School." I think it's without the hyphen or with a colon instead? Idk.

"Pehchaan The Street School strives to create a diverse and inclusive space where every child**,** regardless of an unfavourable background or what social strata they hail from, or unconventional environment**,** can learn and grow."

[queen wedge]

Tysm!

Gl with your mission!!

[hollow berry]

🤔
why are there two thousand separators (comma and nothing) standing next to another like this?

[static estuary]

Is anyone interested in agriculture and want to help me to correctly write my speak text for my final presentation for my final examination about Digitisation Agriculture
I have to speak 2 minutes in English

[lament saddle]

I have posted some notes on my Facebook page, I hope they are useful. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100087044150349

[queen wedge]

What do you mean?!

[hollow berry]

"1,000" and "1000" 😭

[queen wedge]

It's standard in some forms of English.

In British it might be the standard. In Canadian, it's a standard.

[hollow berry]

but they must not both appear in the same sentence.

[queen wedge]

1000 is preferred over 1,000. or 1 000.

[hollow berry]

pick one of them!

[queen wedge]

Oh there's no rule that says that but I completely agree. I mentioned similarly on the Oxford comma but I don't know how I didn't catch that. Oops-

Standardisation is >

[queen wedge]

Where there are lists, may we use the Oxford comma, where there are numbers, may we use spaces, where there are acronyms, may we use periods, and where is discord in English, may we bring harmony!

[hollow berry]

L.O.L.

[queen wedge]

Unless it's colloquial, ofc.

[queen wedge]

I'm a hypocrite when it comes to English, though. I stand by standardisation when it comes to English preferences, like this.

But it's not consistent to one country's English.

I prefer:

Dogs, cats, and horses, not, dogs, cats and horses.
U.N. and U.S. and not UN and US
Organise and standardise and not organize and standardize
No spaces—please and thank you—when using em dashes, instead of — with rare exceptions — spaces.

etc.

It's so weird. 😭

[ancient sparrow]

Hey, when do I use need V-ing and need to be Vpp as passive voice?

She needs to be heal
She needs healing.

Oh shite

Wrong chat

[queen wedge]

What's V-ing and Vpp

[queen wedge]

She needs to be healed v. She needs healing??

[ancient sparrow]

I heard that need has two passive voice, I dont know when do I use those

[queen wedge]

Wait what? I dont think so

It's just used as the main verb in passive

But im not rlly sure

[queen wedge]

I’m just as confused as u are 😭

[lament saddle]

The word "need" can be used as both a verb and a noun in a sentence. Here are some examples of each:

As a Verb:
Present Tense: "I need to finish my homework before dinner."
Past Tense: "She needed help with her project yesterday."
Future Tense: "You will need to bring your ID to the meeting."
As a Noun:
"There is a great need for affordable housing in the city."
"His need for approval drives much of his behaviour."
"Basic needs such as food and water must be met first."

[crisp egret]

Hello

[peak cargo]

Hi

[steel walrus]

wassup messi

[indigo lintel]

Hello

Can some one tell me whether this is familiar and correct or not.

"Having he said that, I won't let him in my house again"

The " having he said that" bit

[dense magnet]

The correct way is "Having said that"

[rigid forge]

"Him having said that"

[indigo lintel]

Having him said that?

[dense magnet]

I think it depends on the context @indigo lintel

[indigo lintel]

But thanks ,that was usefu

[dense magnet]

You're welcome 🙂

[tough ruin]

The "having he said that" is definitely incorrect, but what it should be depends on what you mean:

"Having said that" would be correct if the subject of the main clause (in this case "I") is the same person who said whatever was just said. It has a contrastive meaning similar to "in spite of that / despite that" or "however" and is not just neutrally commenting on something previously said. For example, you might say something like "He and I are good friends and I like spending time with him. Having said that, I won't let him in my house again."

"Him having said that" ("him" has to come first) would be correct if "he" is not the subject of the main clause. It could possibly be interpreted one of two ways: either that the reason you won't let him in your house again is because of what he said, or with the same contrastive meaning as above (ie. "In spite of him saying that, I won't let him in my house again").

[indigo lintel]

Thanks infinitely to u sir

[lyric marsh]

[indigo lintel]

Hello
Can I say something like
The problem in highlight is that.....
What i am trying to convey is that most of the problem is that or this.

[rigid forge]

what sentence

"The problem highlighted is that....." is probs better

[iron cloud]

234234

[indigo lintel]

Thanks

[queen wedge]

💃

[glad quarry]

can someone help me with my essay

[upper wigeon]

You'll need to post it first though before anyone can help proofread

[queen wedge]

Ofc

You can send it here or if you prefer privacy, in direct messages

[glad quarry]

Okay let me just finish up a paragraph

I’ll send dm

[thorny pasture]

Can anyone help me to complete my assignment?

[queen wedge]

Yes, ofc

[jolly fjord]

dm me

[iron prism]

The Better Way of Gaining Knowledge to Achievement.

Introduction

Background: Every kid starts gaining knowledge from somewhere, whether it's being homeschooled or attending a public school. Of course, it is important to check what sources of knowledge, information they provide to kids, but it's another thing to see how they are doing so. Environment plays a major role in education, since development mostly depends on the surroundings. Home-schooling is flexible and comfortable, making studies not a task, but a fun activity.

Thesis statement: This essay argues that home-schooled children achieve more in life, due to a better environment, rather than the ones who study in public schools.

Thesis map:

Environment affects learning.

Home-schooled students differ from public school ones by academic performance.

Achievement and success are more common in home-schooled kids.

Body paragraph 1.

Contributing Argument 1: Home-schooled students have more flexible schemes and will study whenever they feel is good for them. Surroundings may not fully develop someone's personality, but it will affect them and their success. Public school schedules are repetitive, boring and some environments may not suit everyone, including, children bullying, problems with friendships which makes you forget what school is for.

(Homeschooling) Provides a safer environment for children and youth, because of physical violence, drugs and alcohol, psychological abuse, racism, and improper and unhealthy sexuality associated with institutional schools. (Brian D. Ray, Ph.D. 2024).

The relevance of the study is connected with the increasing problems of adolescents in recent years. The manifestation of children’s aggressive behavior in communication with each other requires special attention. (S Akimbekova, ZG Kulekenova, 2023).

Body paragraph 2.

Contributing Argument 2: Since environment affects learning it automatically means that there will be differences towards academic performance.

The home-educated typically score 15 to 25 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests (Ray, 2010, 2015, 2017; Ray & Hoelzle, 2024).

Homeschooled students benefit from a more intimate and adaptable learning. (MK Eldeeb, T Diab, Y Alkubish, 2024).

Body paragraph 3.

Contributing Argument 3: Better Environment and good academic performance leads to success.

They participate in local community service more frequently than does the general population (e.g., Seiver & Pope, 2022).

Overall, results indicate a significant positive impact of homeschooling on learning motivation, as it enhances students' engagement and learning interests. (A Moore, 2024).

The growing number of homeschoolers attending institutions of higher learning has led many researchers to ask how successful the social phenomenon of homeschooling is... (M Snyder, 2021).

Conclusion: Home-schooling is the better way of gaining knowledge, because:

They have more comfortable and flexible studying space.

Academic performance and motivation is high in homeschoolers.

They are more eager to try out more things, and learn more about the world.

Word count: 450

☺️

[iron prism]

Someone please check my essay

[silk spindle]

Write a short story in 200 – 250 words, with the help of the cues given below. Give a suitable title to the story.
Satish was standing on the balcony watching the last rays of the Sun. Loud and angry voices in the street below distracted his attention. He ran down the stairs to see what had happened …

Satish was standing on his balcony watching the last rays of the sun. He was admiring the beauty of nature when he heard some loud and angry noises coming from the street. He ran down to see what had happened. He saw that two of his neighbours were fussing about whose kid scratched their cars. Suddenly, the verbal fight turned physical. They were grabbing and punching each other. One pulled out a knife from his pocket. The other stepped back and said something to his wife in a code language. He stalled the fight for a few minutes. His wife came running and threw something: A gun. The man catches it. “hee-hee” he laughed. “You’re doomed, buddy”. He said. Someone from the gathered crowd shouted, “STOP IT OR ELSE I WILL CALL THE POLICE!”. The man dropped his gun. And the other man showed the crowd that he had a rubber knife. “relax guys, it was a social experiment” the man said. Satish was a journalist who had recorded the whole ‘social experiment’ and sent it to the press and media. Though the pranksters did not get any punishments, their identities were now open to the public and their reputation was ruined. After the incident, Satish said, “That news will sure go viral and I will get a raise, nice.”

can anyone proofread this?

when you proofread me, ping me so i can know

[humble quiver]

I'm struggling to get a vocabulary like this, that's really good!

[stable crater]

Hello there, I'd be glad if someone reviewed my essay on the theme "advantages and disadvantages of online learning"

Advantages and disadvantages of online learning

Even though online learning is not that common nowadays as it was few years ago, there are still many articles being posted about it weekly, studies going on and in general, it's still quite discussed theme. One of the questions, which are being discussed, is that whether online school was better than present learning. Let's take a look on what pros can online learning bring and what are the hidden cons of it.

I think that online learning has many advantages. One of it is for example the fact, that you don't have to wake up so early for school, as you normally would for casual present school. Waking up too early isn't good for your health and it can cause some serious problems for you. In addition, I feel like the online version of learning is giving you wider range of choice of doing things you really like. When we had online school going on in my own learning institution, I felt more relaxed and I was intrigued as well by having more control over my own schedule. I used to have more free time than nowadays, which I could use for things, that are more beneficial for me.

On the other hand, when it comes to the online learning, there are many disadvantages aswell. One of them is the students' discipline. Seriously, would you always dress up for school, when you have your camera off most of the time? Many students attend the lessons for example in pajamas, mostly the morning ones. Additionally, there may occure technical difficulties as well. Something may happen to your internet connection, your microphone or camera can get broken or you'll be having problems with accessing some things. The teachers themselves may be having issues, as they are usually less educated in electronics than the students and sometimes, they might be able to do just the bare basics with technologies. Another problem is the fact, that many people's source of physical activity is walking to school etc. Schools and other institutions being closed can cause lower rates of physical activity of people, leading them in some cases to even such extreme cases like obesity.

In my opinion, present school is more suitable for me than online school. The ideal thing for me in my eyes would be the combination of those two, since I believe, that some subjects are impossible to study through online space, such as languages or physical education. On the other hand the online school would bring me advantages like having more time to do things I really enjoy.

[queen wedge]

Hii! I would like to leave some comments,

I like your introduction: it's very clear and to the point. But when someone is reading it, I feel like it's difficult to tell exactly what your stance is until your thesis sentence. I would try to mention your stance earlier. Also, you make excellent points in your other paragraphs, so why not make your introduction longer? It should, after all, introduce your reasoning, but you only really mention environment when you have such good reasoning that you can introduce in your introduction. Finally, I would actually consider re-wording your introduction so it's more clear. Consider, for example, your thesis sentence as well:

"This essay argues that homeschooled children achieve more in life, due to a better environment, rather than the ones who study in public schools."

It is strongly recommended that you don't use "this essay" bc the reader is already reading "this essay." It could instead be something like: "clearly, homeschooled children achieve more in life due to a better environment, rather than the ones who study in public schools." Also, your thesis sentence should sum up your main points, which you have three of.

On the grammar side, it's fine except here: "that sources of knowledge and information they..." and use "homeschooled" not "home-schooled."

Btw, for citations, usually it's just last name and there's a specific format depending on which style guide you use. If you're quoting someone, have it in quotations. If you add in extra details, use this bracket: [].

For example:

(Homeschooling) Provides a safer environment for children and youth, because of physical violence, drugs and alcohol, psychological abuse, racism, and improper and unhealthy sexuality associated with institutional schools.
v.
"[Homeschooling] [p]rovides a safer environment for children and youth, because of physical violence, drugs and alcohol, psychological abuse, racism, and improper and unhealthy sexuality associated with institutional schools" (Citation).

You have awesome references to back up your reasoning so you should really try to maximise them. One major thing that'll probably help is using transition words: "for example, consider that, refer to, in the words of, I quote, etc." with your references!

Your last paragraphs aren't that long so I'd lengthen them too: make sure when you refer to something, you also mention why it's significant. You can do this directly, like you have, or indirectly, which is just you saying it but still punctuating it rather than "this is significant because..."

On that note, your conclusion's outline summarises it, and now you just need to turn it into paragraph form! Btw, you should repeat your thesis in an altered way in your conclusion and often your last or last few sentences build up to an epiphany: a sudden shocking piece of info. It could be a quote, a fact, an analogy, etc.

[iron prism]

Thank you so much dear 🥰 the course im taking saing maximum should be 450 words so i flipped up w the introduction 😭 IKR? It contains so much information abt environment when i could have done more stuff! The home-schooled.. yeah i know!! 😭🙏🏼 oh and btw why is “…knowledge and information..” not correct? 😊

[iron prism]

Ahhh thank you so much! Ill try to improve i promise 🥰

[queen wedge]

A limit of 450 is crazy. 😭

Btw, "knowledge and information..." is correct. In your original one you did "what sources of knowledge, information", when there should've been an "and." I bolded it but it must've been hard to see, sorry!!

[queen wedge]

Oop- good luck!

[storm gust]

“The Republic of China in Taiwan and the People's Republic of China on the mainland are two different political entities, though both claim to be the only legitimate government of China.” In the adverbial clause of concession, I wonder 🤔 if it could be revised as follows “......, though either claims to be the only legitimate government of China.”

[iron prism]

Ikr??

[iron prism]

Bcuz of 450 words 😭

[iron prism]

Ty!!!

[autumn portal]

hello, this is my first making an english resume. I applied to many jobs but I've been accepted by none, is anyone available to just go throught it and tell me my mistakes?

if yes, then please dm me

[glad quarry]

Hi guys! I made a mind map about creativity and i need like arrows to link ideas together, can someone help me out and tell me what ideas i should link together, if youre confused i already hav some arrows done so u can you that as an example

its due tonight so i would like some final input thank you!

[queen wedge]

That limit is crazy 😭 u did rlly good though

[queen wedge]

I would help

But it’s already the other day for both of us

[thorny pollen]

Hello

[neon sail]

Hello

[jolly crystal]

Hello ... Any friends to practice English with everyday ?

[dry acorn]

hello everyone

[daring hemlock]

I could maybe help

If you want to ofc

[indigo lintel]

Proofread this if you may. I took it from Naruto's subtitles and Would like to run it as a grammatical paragidm.

"Chakra and Ninjutsu are not all there is to strength"
Isnt suppose to be
" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>not all there are to strength"

Thanks in advance

[fallen crown]

Hello QueenBee
Can you share with me your resume to check it and find out the errors/ mistakes.?

[clear musk]

Can someone explain what this channel is about ?

[frank stone]

@jolly crystal im here with a perseverance.

[queen wedge]

If you have written something, you can send it here to ask ppl to find mistakes or suggestions!

[queen wedge]

No. The original version is correct.

Tbh, I couldn't tell you why but I'd assume because it's being treated as a singular part.

[indigo lintel]

Okay

Thanks

[dry acorn]

What are you all doing

[reef hound]

Hi

[heady nova]

its because they have already used "are" once before in that sentence so they can treat it as a joint part thereafter

[rancid oxide]

just assking

[dry acorn]

hello

[heady nova]

ngl, but in 200 words u showcased a wonderful story with a grt twist! wonderful work@silk spindle

[cursive lion]

Hii

[obsidian cape]

Needless to say, it is a fact that in our current society all of us have free time. Nevertheless, due to the rapid proliferation of social media and digital entertainment an important number of citizens waste their free time using their electronical devices, thereby not devoting that time for building a better version of them everyday. That is why recently it has been an increase in individuals that advocate againsts these activities and offer other more productive and uselful alternatives

First and foremost, since the skills that the actual world of work calls for are very versatile, it is very handy to learn a wide range of practical abilities and to be receptive to the new emerging opportunities. Therefore, it is of utter importance to spend part of our time in endeavouring to acquire knowledge about a realm of our interest or to learn a skill that make our lifestyle more effective. Nonetheless, it is essential to make a sensible choice that enables us to enjoy ourselves while performing whatever course or activity we opted to do.

Secondly, including phisical activity in our daily routine is essential. Not only does it benefit us both mentally and phisically, but also it serves as way for socializing with sport acquaintances and even for building new relationships. Furthermore, this will inevitably have a postive impact in your relatives encouraging them to embrace a new lifestyle. As a consequence, reforcing your relation with your loved ones and sharing more time with them.

Taking all the above-mentioned arguments into account, it becomes evident that both of these actvities will ensure a positive impact in our lives. However, it goes without saying that health is above everything else, thereby I can firmly assert that, on balance, the upsides that we gain from doing exercise outweigh the ones that come with learning a new skill. Whilst acquiring new skills may favour us in the labour world, if we do lack health it will be of no use.

This is my essay, can anyone give me their opinion and how to improve please? I'm desperate cause I have the C1 exam next week and I think I'm gonna fail 😦

Ah and the task is:

Your class has just listened to a discussion on ways in which people can use their free time effectively. You have made the notes below:

Contributing to community projects

Learning practical skills

taking up healthy activities
(I chose the second and the third)

Write an essay for your tutor discussing two of the ways of using free time effectivelyh in your notes. You should explain which way you think is more effective, giving reasons in support of your opinion.

[balmy ember]

At a glance, it seems okay. I must say that this has heavy repetition throughout the entire structure. For example "rapid proliferation" basically says "evolving at a rapid rapid pace". Also, there are a couple of subject-verb agreements that do not adhere to the rule. For example "learn a skill that make our lifestyle mor effective" where the subject (skill) is singular, doesn't agree with the verb (make) which is plural( this can be fixed by either saying "learn a few skills" or adding s to get makes) I suggest reading aloud to yourself to play by ear and see if it sounds fluid or chunky(make necessary edits) for now.

[mellow bear]

Hey guys, so I'm applying the Critical Race literary theory to the novel "Brother" by David Chariandy.
Here is my thesis statement:

When examining David Chariandy’s Brother from a critical race theory perspective, it becomes clear that immigrant communities in Canada suffer from societal oppression as they encounter systemic racism, suffer from an identity crisis, and remain resilient throughout it all.

These are my arguments, as you can see in the thesis.

Can I have some feedback on the thesis statement? If anyone has read the novel, are the arguments good enough?

[grizzled willow]

hello guys, i just drafted a very short email to my servicer which im not sure is polite and grammatically correct. would anyone be able to help me look over it? thank you so much.

[slow wasp]

Just paste it here, and we will try it out

[grizzled willow]

its confidential so i cant post 😦

i can DM though!

[slow wasp]

Yeah, feel free to dm me 👍

[obsidian cape]

Thanks! Nevertheless, I don't understand this part very well

At a glance, it seems okay. I must say that this has heavy repetition throughout the entire structure. For example "rapid proliferation" basically says "evolving at a rapid rapid pace".

[balmy ember]

I mean to say that I only looked at the essay without entirely comprehending what the main topic is about (skimming) and notice repetition based off the little bit of information. Since proliferation means to evolve/grow at a rapid pace, I found it unnecessary to say rapid proliferation since it can mean "evolve/grow rapidly at a rapid pace" - making the use of rapid redundant.

[pastel saddle]

.

[tardy harbor]

I would change "it becomes clear" to something like "it clearly demonstrates" or "it powerfully illustrates how..."

[gleaming pelican]

hellooo. meee

[pliant prism]

Mee

[pliant prism]

mee

[storm vapor]

hello who want to learn English language. With my

[idle vale]

why we learn with you?

[queen wedge]

Hi! Do you still need someone to proofread this?

[marble ferry]

I'm interested

[swift wolf]

Let's improve grammer and voca with text

Or is there any grp for improving eng because I don't see any.

[winter osprey]

When and Where

[queen wedge]

Huh-

[wispy turret]

Audiobook for english beginners suggestion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0l-oxGw0mA

[heady nova]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1crsvShLTPBhWdWMLK_vyAT-NrMWQ-I-H_qPfgVaGn6o/edit?usp=sharing can u guys please proofread my essay, see if you can find any grammar mistakes

[gleaming pelican]

Hi. what this is about?

[heady nova]

Hello, this essay is about social issues regarding job competition

[queen wedge]

Hi. Are there specific expectations for your essay?

[heady nova]

Hello. Sorry but i don't quite understand what you mean with 'expectations'. I guess i expect my essay to be error free from grammar mistakes, does the essay answers the question clearly? Or does it correlate with the question, if that is what you mean by expectations

[queen wedge]

Oh, sorry! I should’ve clarified. Like is this for school or something where there’s specific things they want?

If so, what are they?

I love proofreading—but I’m on my phone at the moment so it’ll be a bit hard but I still would love to.

[heady nova]

Its for IELTS essay test

[queen wedge]

Oh! I see.

[queen wedge]

Is there anything specific you want me to proofread in it?

Like grammar or style or how you can do better in the IELTS essay portion? Btw, idk much about it!

[heady nova]

Maybe you could start with my grammar mistakes

[queen wedge]

Yes. I’ll start there! I’ll look into the IELTS essay to see how I can help w/ that, so my proofreading is more specific to it.

[heady nova]

Cool, thank you so much

[queen wedge]

I’m on mobile so it’s hard to tell. Are you double spacing after each punctuation mark?

[heady nova]

Yes

[queen wedge]

Usually, the preference is to do a single space, not double, after each punctuation mark.

[heady nova]

Ah i see

[queen wedge]

“…with qualifications that requires more work experience, which older people have [an advantage in].”

“The competition [for] finding jobs nowadays [is] getting harder, especially because they have to compete with young people.”

[queen wedge]

I can only edit grammar atm but there’s some places where stylistic changes or clarity changes are needed, but you write with a lot of brevity! This sentence is one example.

“Companies prefer[ring] employees that are still young rather than older people is the main problem.”

“For instance, [a] Honda factory in Japan offers jobs for both fresh graduates and more experienced people.”

Your essay is great. Imo, it’s clear and straight to the point. Your grammar is actually awesome. I’d love to tell you about the minor style changes I recommend, though, to make your writing clearer. Although, it might just be my own opinionation and the icks of English.

[heady nova]

May i ask why you add the -ing?

[heady nova]

Wow thank you so much, i can pretty much see my improvements in grammar. Now i can finally focus on a specific grammar that i still dont understand.

[queen wedge]

Hm…I wish I could tell you, but I’m not sure, but I understand that it is wrong (I think).

[queen wedge]

Yes! It’s late here but I’d love to proofread it again later—more specifically next time.

[tropic ridge]

Hello! Could someone proof read my work? Its a blog post about mathematics and my opinion on it. It's supposed to be in 9-10 lines, but I wrote more than that.

Math, the subject that many dare not face. As soon as they hear the word "math," they often react with fear. It seems people are split into two categories: those who enjoy math and those who don’t. Math is hard for many because it involves lots of numbers, symbols, and formulas, requiring significant brainpower. It seems boring due to its complexity, but it’s just basic concepts combined. When you know the basics, practicing and finding tips and tricks is key. Understanding concepts and finding shortcuts are essential. For me, math is fun. Doing math feels so therapeutic to me, it feels calming and satisfying! I love solving problems and thinking about the numbers and symbols. Though some topics are tough and frustrating, finally understanding them makes me feel pleased and confident. Math is like a puzzle, where each piece I put in place brings me closer to seeing the whole picture.

I'm worried about the sentence structure, grammar and the flow of the content. I wrote this for my audition to join my school's blog.

[sturdy sable]

Math is instead of comma
Tricks are instead of is
And i don't understand therapeutic concept here

[tropic ridge]

ok

[sturdy sable]

By the way u use therapeutic in which way

[short olive]

love solving problems and thinking about the numbers and symbols.

When you know the basics, practicing and finding tips and tricks is key.

To know the basics is key in finding tips and tricks.

you could also rephrase.

Knowing the basics is key to finding tips and tricks.

[slow wasp]

I think it's a very well written blog post already
btw, I hate math

[queen wedge]

Hi!

I tried looking but I really don't have definitive feedback looking at the IELTS writing part (what you wrote is a sample of the second writing assessment?), but I do have some tips!

Your grammar is fine, but here are some additional suggestions:

"Not only is thrifting cheap, it can also be very fun."

Wherever you use "clothings", replace it with clothing (except where you have an "are" after). Also, try to stick to one tense, like present or past. I would preferably stay with past here, so I'd change where you write "throw" to threw. I love how you're concise, but in some parts the way I feel like you're trying to continue to use conciseness (maybe reuse?) just doesn't work for a particular phrase. For example:

"There is a culture where you go into many different thrift stores and discover cheap clothings that are worth hundreds of dollars. This culture is called thrift hunting. While thrift hunting, you either get clothing that is worth less, or you can find clothings that is worth more than the actual price tag."

You could shorten it to be something like: "There is a culture called thrift hunting where you visit thrift stores to discover clothing that are worth a lot. Often, you can find clothing that is worth more than the price tag." I'm sure you'd do a better job because I see you use a lot of transition words, which is another good writing habit, but I would maybe suggest using more conjunctions to connect your sentences. Again, looking at your last example:

"There is a culture where you go into many different thrift stores and discover cheap clothings that are worth hundreds of dollars. This culture is called thrift hunting." W/ a conjunction it could be: "There is a culture where you go into many different thrift stores and discover cheap clothings that are worth hundreds of dollars which is called thrift hunting."

I wish I could give IELTS-specific tips but I can't. There's definitely ppl in the server who can, but this might help:

https://bayanebartar.org/file-dl/library/IELTS9/IELTS-Essay-Samples/IELTS-Essay-Samples.pdf, or, https://www.ieltsuniversity.com/IELTS-Writing-Samples.pdf.

You're a great writer and this is so cliche but if you want to be even better just keep on writing! And you can always ask someone to proofread your writing here!

[queen wedge]

The only change I'd really make: "It seems like people are split into two categories..." Other than that, I really like the description! I was doing a math course for like 3 weeks and it's 100% true: math is so annoying. 😵‍💫

[heady nova]

Hello, i did not expect you would come back and proofread my essay again lol. And yes this the second task of IELTS writing

[queen wedge]

Girl- I wouldn’t abandon anyone. (Even if my advice sucks 😝)!

[heady nova]

I was kinda confused with the word 'clothing'. Some people say that its a countable noun, other said its uncountable.

[queen wedge]

It’s mixed, but I’m not sure.

The way you wrote, clothing should be used most of the time.

You could rephrase to use clothings but that’d be more tedious.

[queen wedge]

Oh, it seems like it’s uncountable!

[heady nova]

Once again, thank you soo much @queen wedge . I really appreciate your effort on helping me improving my grammar. Also thanks for the links

[queen wedge]

Ofc!

If you need me again, you know where to find me. 🤷‍♀️

[tropic ridge]

Alr thank you so much! Unfortunately I didn't see that error when I submitted my work 😭
That is definitely noticeable and does bother me a lot, but thank you proof reading my work

[queen wedge]

So sorry! I'm sure you did amazing bc there weren't mistakes.

[spice vector]

I have a question: Is it a must to learn the accent after you master learning English

[slow wasp]

No, you don’t need to change your accent
You just need to learn to speak English clearly
An accent is not a requirement unless you are aiming to work as a call center agent, news anchor or voice actors

[spice vector]

Aa okay, I got you

My accent is mix between American and British, I cannot specify exactly what is my accent

[bold plank]

helo

i hve a doubt

[queen wedge]

Yess?

[shell kernel]

i need opinions about my essay anyone wanna work

[queen wedge]

Meeeee!

[strong owl]

I can help with proofreads just send me a dm

[sage finch]

Hi

How are you

[indigo lintel]

How much are you still short of cash ?
How much do you still need to break default**??

[queen wedge]

10 dollars!
❔

[indigo lintel]

Hhhhh
No I mean it it right in phrasing and formula

[queen wedge]

Oh, I’m so stupid.

The first sentence makes sense.

The second one I’m not sure because idk what “break default is”

But if it’s something like “Break even” then it works

How much do you still need to break even?

[green crest]

sup guys
what is de diff between :
we had a party last night
we did a party last night

[urban lintel]

did is wrong. use had for this sentence

[spark vector]

hi

[nocturne burrow]

"We had a party last night" = this is in the past simple tense. it basically describes an event that occurred in the past (specifically, last night). The focus is on the fact that the party took place. it implies that the party happened but it doesn't provide any additional details about what exactly happened at the party.

while,

"We did a party last night" = the sentence also refers to a past event (last night), but, it uses the verb "did" to emphasize the action of having a party. However, the phrase "did a party" is not commonly used in English. Native speakers would more naturally say "had a party." If someone says "did a party," it might sound a little bit unusual or non-standard.

[green crest]

allright. Thank u bubbles

[tropic sandal]

Hello
Please I need someone to proof read my personal statement
DM me if you can help
Thanks

[golden skiff]

hello

[floral spoke]

Hey got someone?

[fast sable]

hello everyone??

[wispy turret]

Learn english with Shadow Of the colossus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I81LuqMLYhU

[heady nova]

Hi folks! is there anyone can help me to proofread my personal statement, either about the grammar or structure, etc? Thanks in advance🥹 🙏🏻

“Give me 10 youths, and I will rock the world” Mr. Ir. Soekarno uttered in Bahasa in his speech, emphasizing the role of youth as the cornerstone of change and transformation. As an Indonesian native daughter, I wholeheartedly believe that these words reflect the power of youth who have a great vision of the world and the potential to make an impact. By embracing this principle, I have danced to the rhythm of several achievements. This belief has always inspired me to raise my voice through actions and movements in response to the surrounding issues, such as the lack of economy to get a decent education. Thus, I was able to initiate an educational community called "Teman Bertanya," to facilitate students who face economic limitations to take the university entrance examination.
As a law student, I could delve deeper by expanding my knowledge about the legal system and delivering a speech about Indonesian law through being a delegate in the ASEAN Classroom. Furthermore, I was selected for advocacy training and conducted an in-depth drafting of legal certainty Right to Cultivate for the Indigenous People in Blitar Regency. I learned to create creative strategies to help locals from the oppression they face. I was also able to become the delegate of the Seminar and National Conference of Asian Law Students' Association which helped me to hone my public speaking skills.

Just as a new phoenix, I emerged from the ashes and soared towards Heliopolis. This legendary bird has me believing in one thing: possibility. Each achievement I have earned fueled my determination to reach greater heights and be impactful on a wider scale. By participating in MIKTA Program, I am confident that there is always an opportunity for youth to undertake and share their global perspective. Being in a diverse yet inclusive forum to learn progressive and global understanding will help cement my paradigm. Thus, I am keen to raise my voice through this program and gain applicable knowledge to give back to society. Additionally, I am eager to further develop by collaborating with the government to contribute to social welfare. Furthermore, I am enthusiastic about collaborating with the other youth participants by cooperating on projects as one group, such as public discussion, journals, and infographics.
Writing this personal statement, while fueled by the flames of ambition and guided by the symphony of my unwavering belief, I am ready to embark and raise my voice on a global scope in the 2024 MIKTA Program.

[slow wasp]

That was a fiery and poetic essay, with just a few minor errors:

"This legendary bird has me believing in one thing: possibility." to "This legendary bird has made me believe in one thing: possibility."

"By participating in MIKTA Program, I am confident that there is always an opportunity for youth to undertake and share their global perspective" to "By participating in the MIKTA Program, I am confident that there is always an opportunity for youth to undertake and share their global perspectives"

"Being in a diverse yet inclusive forum to learn progressive and global understanding will help cement my paradigm" to "Being in a diverse yet inclusive forum to learn about progressive and global understanding will help cement my paradigm"

" I am ready to embark and raise my voice on a global scope in the 2024 MIKTA Program" to " I am ready to embark and raise my voice on a global scale in the 2024 MIKTA Program"

[heady nova]

Awesome! thanks a bunch for your correction. It's truly helping me a lot. I deeply appreciate that 🥹 🙏🏻

[queen wedge]

Hi!

I have never written something like this before and so I don't want to give incorrect suggestions. I read your msg. and what you've written is so beautiful and I really do see how much work you've done in law. I actually want to go into law after high school and seeing someone else passionate about it makes me so happy!

Srry I can't help atm. Good luck w/ your application! ;)

[heady nova]

Hi, no worries! your support already mean a lot to me. Thanks for your kind words and best of luck on your own journey

[grizzled willow]

hi, is there an adult native speaker that is available to proofread a short email i wrote?

[verbal spear]

@grizzled willow Maybe if you actually share what it is you need proofread you may get some help

You can also use tools like Grammarly to help too

[grizzled willow]

i'd love to but it has a lot of personal info so i can't :/

[grizzled willow]

yep i already had it go through grammarly

just looking for a human for my last round

[verbal spear]

So omit the personal information

[verbal spear]

Yeah you may not find someone willing to do that for free

Just like if you are an auto mechanic you aren’t going to give a car a free diagnostics

So just be patient hang tight and I’m sure someone will help you. I’m sorry I don’t have time as I’m preparing for my paid classes.

[grizzled willow]

no problem! gotcha

thanks for looking out for me!

[sudden condor]

Hi someone can correct my text please and give me some advices about it

THE BURGARY (true story)

This story took place when I was 16. During the summer break; we were with mmy family in my grand-mother's home. During the night ( at 01:00 am) I heard noises around the garden. My sister was wake-up and I said to her " There is a shadow in the garden " but it was a joke I saw Nothing. At the moment my sister was afraid . While we were going to sleep she said " I have a feeling someonoe is staring us " I said no it was a joke there's no people in the garden. During the night I didn't hear anyone ( I was sleeping ). Morning my mother walked my grand-mother's dog. And when she came back she said to us, she found a rake and a stepladder in the street close to home provided from the wooden shack in our garden.

[crimson patio]

THE BURGLARY

When i was 16 during summer break, with my family at my grandmothers house, i heard noises in the garden at 1am. I woke my sister up and told her that i "saw a shadow in the garden". It was a joke, i saw nothing. My sister was scared and before we went back to sleep she said she "felt like someone was staring at us". I told her "it was a joke and no one is in the garden" . I didn't hear anyone the rest of the night. The next morning my mother walked my grandmothers dog and told us she found a rake and stepladder on the street close to our house that was taken from the wooden shack in our garden.

[robust spoke]

the brackets are unnecessary, instead of saying "during the night" you can just say at 1 am, same with the "i was sleeping"
instead of using semi colons, just focus on using commas since you're learning
you capitalized Nothing, idk if that was a typo or not but if you mean to emphasize it you can italicize it or capitalize the entire word. words are only when its a proper noun, acronym, start of the sentence, etc
" there's no people in the garden" there's = there is so you would be saying "there is no people in the garden" which is incorrect since is singular while people is plural
also, the use of hyphens is unnecessary aswell

if you're writing formally, make sure to not use any contractions btw

there are some other errors but practicing these skills is good for now, let me know if u need any clarification

[queen wedge]

Hi! If it speeds proofreading up for you, I took the suggestions you were given and rewrote your story. I did not change your style or eloquence. :)

This story took place when I was 16. During the summer break, we were with my family at my grandmother’s home. During the night (at 1:00 a.m.), I heard noises around the garden. My sister woke up, and I said to her: “There is a shadow in the garden.” But it was a joke. I saw nothing. At that moment, my sister was afraid. While we were going to sleep, she said: “I have a feeling someone is staring at us.” I said: “No, it was a joke. There are no people in the garden.” During the night, I didn’t hear anyone (I was sleeping). In the morning, my mother walked my grandmother’s dog. And when she came back, she said said to us that she found a rake and a stepladder in the street close to home, taken from the wooden shack in our garden.

[sudden condor]

I saw Thank you for your feedback !

[sudden condor]

thx really

[sudden condor]

thx yeah it's better

[chilly jackal]

Hi, everyone! Is there anyone can help me to revise the name of our program so that it sounds more ear catching..

we are going to invite animal lovers (furry animals and reptiles) bringing their pets to school. The students are expected to interview the owner or analyse the animals.

The name of the program would be “Rendezvous with animal lovers”..

[minor epoch]

Hello People, I've just got done with my common app essay(I'm not decided on the prompt yet, this is just the story). It's probably very rough around the edges but any criticism is welcome, constructive or not 🙂

When COVID-19 first swept across the world, I saw it as little more than a pause button. The usual noise of school life faded, replaced by the quiet hum of days spent at home. The world seemed to slow down, offering a chance to breathe, to think, to explore. It was during this unexpected lull that my childhood love for playing with sand and mud, for tracing patterns in the earth, resurfaced in a different form—one that would shape my future in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

As a boy, I loved the feel of dirt under my fingernails, the coolness of wet earth on a hot day. I’d draw winding paths and intricate designs, lost in the simplicity of creation. Years later, I found a similar satisfaction in the game of chess, but this time, the patterns were more complex, the strategies more profound. I became captivated by the online chess platforms that had sprung up during the pandemic. Each move on the board, each calculated response, felt like an echo of those childhood designs. But there was something more—an invisible hand guiding the game, predicting, calculating. I couldn’t just play; I needed to understand.

The algorithms behind the chess programs were a mystery that pulled me deeper into the world of mathematics and computer science. Discrete mathematics, with its focus on structure and logic, fascinated me. I found myself questioning everything: How did the program decide on its next move? What patterns did it recognize? These weren’t just idle thoughts but a growing obsession. My days became filled with books and online resources, each discovery pushing me to the next.

Then came the pain. A dull ache in my back, persistent and unnerving. It was diagnosed as a muscle spasm, a small glitch in the grand scheme of things, but enough to pull me away from my screen and send me to my grandparents’ farm in Rajasthan. The farm was a world apart from the structured, logical realm of chess and algorithms—a place where the sun baked the earth until it cracked, and life moved at a different pace.

One scorching afternoon, as I wandered near a well, I spotted something unusual—a patch of wet earth, an anomaly in the parched landscape. Drawn to it, I knelt and, with a stick, began to trace a chessboard in the dirt. The squares took shape under my hand, the familiar grid emerging from the earth itself. As I placed imaginary pieces on the board, I couldn’t help but think of the algorithms that had consumed me. Here, in the dust and heat of the desert, the abstract and the tangible met.

This moment in the sun-scorched silence of Rajasthan crystallized something in me. My fascination with chess had led me to the world of computer science, but it was in that quiet, reflective space that I understood its depth. The logic of algorithms was not just a set of rules—it was a way of seeing the world, of finding order in chaos, much like the patterns I had once traced in the mud as a child.

As my back healed, so did my resolve. I returned home with a new determination, a hunger to dive deeper into the mysteries of mathematics and computer science. Though my screen time was limited, I made the most of every minute, applying what I’d learned to help my mother with her paper publication. The practical application of theory brought a new kind of satisfaction, one that teaching others would later magnify.

Volunteering at an underprivileged school, I found myself explaining the wonders of technology to eager students, their eyes lighting up with the same curiosity that had driven me. Each lesson became a conversation, a chance to explore ideas together. Teaching was not just about imparting knowledge; it was a way to connect, to build something meaningful in a world that had felt disconnected for so long.

The challenges I faced—my injury, the isolation, the scorching afternoons in Rajasthan—were like pieces on a chessboard, each one part of a larger strategy that led me to where I am now. The algorithms that once seemed so elusive are now central to my academic life, guiding me as I navigate the complexities of computer science and mathematics.

In the end, the sands of time have a way of shaping us, much like the patterns I once traced in the dirt. The balance between passion and practicality, between the abstract and the tangible, has become the foundation of my success. As I continue to explore the intricate, beautiful world of mathematics and computer science, I carry with me the lessons learned in the quiet moments, in the patterns of a chessboard, in the shifting sands of Rajasthan.

[robust spoke]

its very well written

but

in soem parts u forgot to add an 'and' after the comma

like here
As a boy, I loved the feel of dirt under my fingernails, the coolness of wet earth on a hot day.

i like it doe

[robust spoke]

maybe instead of using the termanimal lover you can incorporate pets into the title

that way ppl can instantly get an idea what its about by just the name

although sometimes simple is better

bring your pet to school is widely known and catch the attention of anyone that would be interested at all

[minor epoch]

that was a deliberate omission on my part, it just seemed like something that some writer did frequently to make the flow of speech more poetic, the main idea that I have tried to follow throughout the text is continuous application of the metaphor of a sandy desert and its juxtaposition to the world of chess and algorithms. I'm quite happy with how it's turned out now 🙂

The main issue now though is that this is 790 words, I've got to figure out how to make this 650 without losing the imagery too much 😫

[odd goblet]

||hello ppl
could i write a true story here ?||

[queen wedge]

Ofc, ofc.

Whatever you send here may be proofread.

[odd goblet]

Ty
It ll be sad story

[queen wedge]

Oh!

I am curious to read it but you should really only share it if you're comfortable sharing, ofc.

[queen wedge]

Do you want someone to proofread it as well?

Actually, that just make realise that we don't really have a channel for sharing stories we've written...

[odd goblet]

No ty

[queen wedge]

Bruh

Someone keeps sending msgs here and deleting them istg

[odd goblet]

**TRUE STORY **✔

In war-torn Baghdad, Harith Al-Sudani, a brilliant Iraqi officer, infiltrated ISIS, becoming their trusted leader while secretly saving countless lives. This is the gripping tale of a hero who risked everything, walking among enemies and turning their own weapons against them to protect his homeland.

U SHOULD OPEN THE FOLDER (PDF) 📂 TO COMPLETE THE STORY

THIS ONE OF HIS GREAT MISSION +18

[robust spoke]

*I am a software engineer with 10 years of experience, and I would like to discuss the opportunities of earning money with IT freelancing. I am quite confident that by working together, we can easily make up to $2,000 or more per month.

I am particularly interested in areas such as North America, the UK, Argentina, New Zealand, and Australia. If someone is interested in partnering, DM!*

[queen wedge]

AHHH

OMG

That's so funny

[wheat yarrow]

Hey! So, for the past few days I've been researching some stuff after a late night conversation with a friend of mine about modern feminism (because what else are we supposed to talk about at 4 am, right LOL). Anyway, it inspired me to write an essay, it was meant to be just for myself, a personal exercise. But I would like to have it proofread and know your opinions on the topic! I had basic knowledge of feminism and I've been reading a lot about it these past few days and mulling over my own experiences in order to craft this essay. I would love to hear your thoughts and whether you agree or disagree, I just only ask you to be respectful about it and not attack me. With all of this being said, do I just send it here as a PDF file or something/somewhere else?

[queen wedge]

I love debating and politics—essay writing as well—so I’d love to read it!

You can send it here as a .pdf or just the text!

I attack ideas—not people.

[odd goblet]

@queen wedge hello miss
did u read my story?

[wheat yarrow]

I’ll be home in a few hours and I’ll send it

[queen wedge]

Hii! Yes, I read it!

[queen wedge]

Thank you!

[wheat yarrow]

also I want to point out I am a huge swiftie which was even more of a reason to target Taylor specifically with my words, because there have been many instances where she was using feminism as a shield, my love and admiration for her music is a completely separate thing to my view of her as a public persona

[odd goblet]

cool
so what ur opinion?

[summer parrot]

Hi there

[queen wedge]

Sorry I couldn't get to it yesterday! I read it today.

I would first like to say that your essay is so detailed and nuanced, and I really believe it exemplifies the qualities that an essay should have (I'm not a teacher, so I'm not sure, but it feels that way)!

I love, especially, that you give context and then reasoning but more importantly, you also note why it's important. You use analogies and specific examples.

Your transitions are amazing and each paragraph is definitive and separately punctual.

[queen wedge]

Yet, you somehow still keep it all together, and you give even deeper meaning to your points by referring to specific societal significance (e.g. your connection to democracy and freedom of speech), which does bring a personal connection to a lot people like me.

When it comes to proofreading this, any critique on the content of your essay really has no merit and the way you write an essay is similar to how I write my essays in school; if I were to try to critique your content it would be the equivalent of a bird trying to kill itself and its friend with one stone.

The only parts where I feel do need changing are these:

You switch between specific stylistic choices in some parts of your essay. For example, in your title you use "weaponisation" but in other parts you use "-zation." I would stick to one. (I prefer "-sation" bc it looks prettier 😜 ).

Secondly, the parts where you have a parenthetical expression and you choose to use the dash, replace it with an em dash.

"However, over time, the noble cause of feminism has evolved - perhaps even devolved – into something..."

[queen wedge]

"However, over time, the noble cause of feminism has evolved — perhaps even devolved — into something..."

Where you write "victim-villain narratives", the hyphen should be an en dash.

[queen wedge]

Oh, it seems like you're using American English, so I'd stick to that wherever possible.

This is really just a personal preference for me, but your third paragraph begins as follows: "However, the crux of the issue lies in the increasingly pervasive tendency..."

[queen wedge]

Oop-

[queen wedge]

It's good, but the personal preference I have is that to begin with "however" implies previous context (at least that's how I see it), so I feel like that sentence belongs in the previous paragraph, acting as your transition sentence. Or, I'd consider changing the "however." The way I see it, the transition should be smooth, but still somewhat distinct into a new paragraph.

Lastly,

A lot of the times you use "this is x", "this y" and I like that bc so many ppl just write "This is" and don't really specify which is really annoying because then you're wondering if the reader is talking about x or y, but you don't do that.

However, you use that format a lot, and I think it's clear, but maybe you should diversify it?

This really is just something that I personally find is better, but it's not wrong. So like:

In today's discourse, opposing a feminist perspective, even with well-intentioned arguments, is often met with hostility as if the mere act of questioning constitutes an attack on women. [Such a climate] silences men but also stifles critical thinking and healthy debate.

I'm sure you'd do a way better job.

You did ask, also, for my opinion on the essay itself and I agree with practically everything you said. It's sad how a well-intended movement is being warped into a phantom shield by some ppl.

You prob. wrote this as a personal essay and not a university essay but if you want to debate ppl about your views, you can go to #🧠｜serious-chat or like the politics voice chat! Citations always, help, ofc, or just links to what resources you used, but then again, you put in so much effort for a personal essay already...

I hope this helps! Again, a lot of what I said is just my opinion and if there's anything you disagree with, I'd love to know!

[queen wedge]

It was a nice read! I learnt about a conflict that I'm not that familiar w/ and happy to have learnt about an unknown, but important, person in the war! Omg, I actually feel so bad for him.

[odd goblet]

don't feel bad about that great man because :

We die standing and will never kneel. We will never compromise our homeland or our dignity..
— Hassan Nasrallah

[stoic flare]

Looking for foreign friends

[abstract cargo]

🤝

[wheat yarrow]

I always try to provide worthy examples when writing an essay to support my points, so I appreciate that it didn’t go unnoticed

[rough wraith]

I currently want to apply for the Thomas Jefferson Scholarship program and I have to write a few essays that answer the questions that they've provided in each and every essay (6 short answers with a maximum of 250 words and 2 essays with a maximum of 1000 words)
and I'm looking for a few people who are willing to review my answers in hopes for development and maybe some innovative ideas that I could imply in my own work !

[queen wedge]

I'd love to help!!

[turbid needle]

https://xero.gg/player/Ayai

[heady nova]

Hey, I would love to volunteer!

[upbeat hull]

Helloo! I'm pretty bad at proofreading and finding mistakes and want to improve in my proofreading. In this example passage, I'm hoping if I could get any help/advice or criticism on anything wrong with this short paragraph. Many Thanks.

I developed emotional resilience when I moved to a new school with more advanced math classes. In the third grade, my parents moved me to San Francisco for reasons still elusive to me today. Scary desks in a new, alienating classroom, they made me anxious. Four equations into the lecture, the teacher Mrs. Steel innocently asked me “Cindy, what's sixteen divided by eight?" my heart races as I begin to have sweaty palms, bursting into tears. Mrs. Steel pulled me out of class, and while sniveling, I told her, "I don't know division." She consoled me, Mrs. Steel told me she would help me catch up. Every night for two months, I memorized multiplication and division. All the while, I developed the emotional resilience I have today. This process helped me overcome my fear of being called on in class and taught me that I must be confident in what I know. Mrs. Steel helps me change my anxiety into an emotional resilience to face challenges.

[trim condor]

how about you try actually learning something in class so that you give the correct answer when you are called on

[upbeat hull]

been learning dude. My professors just reviewing the basics in my 101 class. Just wanted extra help on trying to expand my vocabulary and grammar? Sorry that you’re getting aggressive over this? 😭

[trim condor]

16/2=8

[molten geyser]

Don't mind him. It's great that you want to improve your English !

[upbeat hull]

haha tyy I appreciate it! It’s been a struggle trying to find people who’re willing to share their insight when it comes to revising😭

[rocky goblet]

Rhythm, Rhyme, and Meter:
It is possible to write poetry without rhyme and meter, but impossible to do without rhythm. Whether you prefer the metrical designs of traditional forms or the freer rhythms of natural speech, making use of the rhythms of language is vital for crafting poetry.
Concerning the matching of sound and sense in the rhythm of poetry, Alexander Pope gives this advice to budding poets, in his Essay on Criticism
True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, As those move easiest who have learned to dance. ‘Tis not enough no harshness gives offence, The sound must seem an echo to the sense. Soft is the strain when Zephyr gently blows, And the smooth stream in smoother numbers flows; But when loud surges lash the sounding shore,
The hoarse, rough verse should like the torrent roar.
Rhythm in poetry includes stress or accent, quantity (the duration or length of a syllable) and pitch. Metrical stress is the emphasis or weight imposed in the line, dictated by the design of the meter. The ( ́) sign identifies the beats for long ones or stressed syllables and (ˇ) for short ones or unstressed syllables—in other words beat is measured in time, rather than by pitch and volume alone. Scansion is the analysis of the metrical rhythm of a line. When we scan a line of poetry in English, we count by syllable and stress to determine how many syllables there are and what kind of stress, and this helps us to measure the line in feet. A foot is a measurable, patterned unit of poetic rhythm (Preminger 1974: 285).
While rhythm and meter are related to each other, the difference is that rhythm is the natural beat as it exists in the words themselves and meter is the number of beats organized into a pattern (Riccio 1980: 138). Another word used for ‘feet’ is ‘beat’ and this poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge is a great mnemonic to help you remember the most commonly used ‘feet’ that poets use to sing their songs. Each line of the poem not only defines each

[summer kindle]

Hello, can I also send my manuscript for my novel once I finished it ?

Can I dm also ?

[barren geode]

Hi can I drop a short story I wrote here?

[queen wedge]

Yes ofc! Do u want it proofread

[queen wedge]

Yes!!

[haughty coral]

It's really late at night and I need to send this to my professor but my brain stopped working while writing the conclusion to my seminar paper so if someone could just quickly read it i'd be so grateful

It's 300 words

[queen wedge]

Hi, I'd love to!

[haughty coral]

thank you so much

Throughout my research, the aim was to explain the intricate relationship between thought and language, with a particular emphasis on perception. To understand this relationship, it was first necessary to explore the background elements. From examining the Saphir-Whorf theory to language structure components that influence how our mind conceptualizes; each part has provided a deeper insight of the subject at hand. This is further clarified by discussing the various examples given beforehand which offer a deeper insight into how different cultural and linguistic aspects impact how we conceptualize the world. Initially, this paper was written under the guise of explaining the way language affects what we perceive; however, the focus was placed more on how our mind conceptualizes terms, rather than on a biological component that cannot be changed. Concepts are the result of our mind’s description of the interconnection between the physical world and language, and to provide enough evidence for these claims this paper focused on the most important components involved in the process. To further understand what is included in the whole process of conceptualizing language, we first needed to clarify the meaning of both concepts and mental representations, as they are fundamental to logically illustrate the interconnection between what we conceptualize and what we articulate. There were examples provided in the form of color terms, space, agency, grammatical gender, honorifics, and many other mentioned aspects. Subsequently, the notion of visual perception was divided into three parts: recognition, discrimination, and detection. Each of these parts is integral to the paper, providing a foundation for understanding our cognitive aspects, particularly conceptualization.

Understanding the nuances among all of these components enables us to perceive the differences languages bring us. This work analysed many studies concerning the influence of language on visual perception, both from empirical research and my own observations. They provided a thorough explanation of each mentioned language and its effects on cognition.

[queen wedge]

Btw, I'm in high school and I'm guessing this is uni. level so please take my proofreading with a grain of salt!

Can I ask if there's specific proofreading things you want?

Style, grammar..?

[haughty coral]

No problem at all! Thank you for doing this. I'm a little bit burnt our from writing it so I can't see if there are any problems with repetition/coherency

[queen wedge]

Okay! I'll check in a moment!

[haughty coral]

i cant thank you enough

[queen wedge]

I’m back, srry!

[queen wedge]

On grammar, no mistakes.

Um, the only change I see is the first semicolon I believe should’ve been a comma.

I’ve never written an abstract or rlly an ending like that to a thesis paper so I fear I cannot help with that—idk the structural or stylistic expectations.

I’ll see if I can find someone who might be able to if it’s not too late-

[barren geode]

Yes, please. So I wrote this for my narrative writing practice I am in middle school and I have an exam in two days, I wanted to know if it's fine..
I'm sorry if it's basic or not very good

Title: Norman's confidence

Norman Normalson, a 13 year old boy who resided in Georgia, USA.

Norman was a regular boy who lived with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Normalson and his elder sister Needa Jobsoon Normalson.
He excelled in physical activities and found himself attracted to the subject of how the world functions, physics.
As every other individual, Norman possessed his flaws.
He possessed a fear of speaking in front of a crowd.

Norman's school had presented children with an opportunity to recite the speech of their favourite politician to present their confidence and speaking skills.
Of course, many children were ecstatic with the opportunity and eagerly signed up.
The mere idea of participating did not cross Norman's mind even once.

Once news spread his mother insisted for him to join.
"It could help you with your stuttering!"
"I don't stutter.." retorded Norman, mildly offended.
"Hell yeah you do" Replied his elder sister, Needa with a rather amused tone.
"Language!" Mom corrected Needa.
"Right..Heck yeah you do." Needa corrected herself

This is a summary of how Norman found himself winded up in the curtains of his school's auditorium; holding a piece of paper which contained the speech he decided to recite.
He was fiddling with the paper, ripping small specks of it. He was nervous and it was palpable, even though he had practiced day and night.
"What if I mess up? What will everyone think? What if I forget something? Will mom be mad?" his mind kept running through self depreciating thoughts.

His friend, William Williams noticed his anxiety and patted him on the back in an attempt to reassure him.
"Chill, dude."
Norman breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Norman Normalson." The teacher in duty called for him to appear at the stage, and he did so.
He glanced at the judgemental and assessing eyes of the crowd and judges.
He felt the words stuck in his throat as he was unable to proceed.
The judges shot him questioning glances.

A few seconds later he finally started.
"H-Hello..everyone..My name is...Norman..Uh..Norman Normalson..and I will be uh...reciting the speech..of Marther..Luther king..for equality..and uh..may I start?"
The judges nodded in approval.

Soon, he started to speak..he felt the words slip out of his throat. He had memorised every word. His hardwork seemed to pay.
The eyes of the audience and all other thoughts seemed to fade.

When the results of the competition came in.
Norman did not win.
But he gained experience.

[fossil saddle]

It feels like we're being distracted from the real issue: China. Why Ukraine now?

Can't help but feel like we're strengthening our adversaries by dividing our focus.

[crimson quail]

Can someone pick out the grammar mistakes in this essayish text

Concept of money originated long ago with the estabilishment of first human civilizations to fullfil the need of a constant unit of exchange and since then it has taken various forms, in this paper we shall take a closer look into the journey money throughout history

When first humans realized that trade is an essential part of a better and easier life, they began to look for more effective means of trading, such like making use of lesser objects to carry and developing a more consistent way of setting values. First coins minted perfectly satisfy these needs. To begin with, they are composed of rare metals and have constant quantites of each component within them, thus they most certainly have a fixed value. Secondly, they are little objects which make them easier to transport.

Yet coins hadnt been enough to meet the needs for long, metals used in coins had got harder to find and begun to cost more than the value of final product, hence humans had to find something else to use as money, at this point money bills came into play, which are even more lighter, cost lesser to produce and have their own way of being inimitable. Due to advencements in technology, humanity became aware of a even more secure and cheaper form of money, digital money

[hollow berry]

The concept of money was realized with the establishment of the (very) first human civilizations to fulfill the need of a constant unit of exchange. Since then, it has taken various forms. This paper takes a closer look into the history of money throughout history.

When humans first realized that trade is an essential part of a better and easier life, they began to look for more effective means to simplify trading , such as making use of smaller objects for carriage and setting item values for better consistency. The first minted coins satisfy both requirements. As they are composed of rare metals and contain constant quantities of each component within, they most certainly have a fixed value. Additionally, they are little objects which make them easier to transport.

However__,__ coins had not been enough to meet the needs for long, as mentals used in coins had become harder to find and begun to cost mre than the value of the final product__.__ Humans had to find something else to use as money; by that point, money bills came into play, which are lighter, cost less to produce and are uniquely inimitable.

Due to advancements in technology, humanity became aware of an even more secure and cheaper form of money, which is digital money.

above is a personally typed "model" by yours truly
there are wording errors, which I have boldly edited as wording suggestions

you'll also need to work on structure and argumentation, as what I read seems broken and long-winded, especially between the last lines

[crimson quail]

Thanks for better wording, it's actually supposed to be long-winded
I have to write an essayish text of at least 250 words under 20 minutes and this is just an attempt to see what i can come up with, without thinking a lot
I'll consider myself lucky if i can come up with actual arguments within such a short duration

[hollow berry]

the problem is, if your points are strong, you'll naturally be able to use more words 😎

[meager pike]

proof read this: I agree with the raised points, but I would like to discuss more about if the language we speak influences the way we think and perceive the world (meaning that language might shape society), although I’m not entirely sure if this is relevant to our discussion but, this reminds me of a movie I watched a while ago called “Arrival” where they mention Sapir-Whorf hypothesis and his theory advocates that the language we speak influences the way we think (it can even affect your dreams) and perceive our surroundings and shaping our understanding of the world, so the relationship between language and society is mutual and it is indeed a concern of sociolinguistics.

[olive ravine]

Directions: List down your five (5) unique personal characteristics that you think
an entrepreneur might possess and use for a successful business venture.
Explain each item in 3-5 sentences. Write your answers on a separate sheet.
To be a successful business, you need to be creative because most products rely on good work and you need to be empathetic because you need to be able to get along with the client in order to get leads to good products and this improves customer satisfaction, and loyalty and being the beginning of growing a business you need to invest

Search 2 Filipino Entrepreneurs in the internet whose lives have
been featured in a newspaper, a magazine or a web blog. Find out what are their
entrepreneurial stories of how and why they started a business that leads them to
success. Compare their success in terms of the Five Common Elements of
Entrepreneurship. Write in your own thought.
A

B.
And they had a new technology, they created a new information provider, the web blog, because it provides good information immediately even if you don't buy a news paper or magazine, because websites have become popular like Facebook, YouTube, and other social media. media that can be used online that's when they started a business

[short hazel]

using a long string of conjunctions can result in a strenuous sentence. try include more punctuation for sentence breaks and stops. connectives are good, but you need a balance to sustain a decent flow for the reader

[olive ravine]

@short hazel

But i needed it now

i only have 10 minutes left

huhu

try to rephrase

[short hazel]

ill see what i can do

[olive ravine]

okay okay huhu

[short hazel]

In order to be a successful business, you need to be creative because most products rely on innovative ideas and quality work. Additionally, it's important to commit to building relations with customers, as satisfied clients are essential for the growth of a business. Ultimately, at the start of a business venture, it is crucial for investments into product development, marketing and customer relations to lay a solid foundation for success.

[olive ravine]

copied

[short hazel]

with the 2nd one im a bit confused, i dont know who its referring to

[olive ravine]

No Its just

uh

just merge a and B

@short hazel

its fine

just merge a to b

rephrase a and B

they are not seperate

i forgot to merge

did u rephrase?

[meager pike]

guys 😦

[short hazel]

They began by bringing mass scale newspaper production. As newspapers are a crucial means through which information flows, this innovation allowed for the rapid dissemination of news, enabling communities to stay informed about events around the world. The accessibility of newspapers ensured a wider audience could access the news, playing a significant role in shaping public opinion. They adopted a new technology, web blogs. These allow for the easy spread of both local and global affairs, for 0% of the price. The internet allows for a more instant sharing of diverse perspectives across a grander spectrum of people, which is why social media platforms such as Facebook, YouTube and Instagram have become so mainstream.

that may have some very minor flaws but it handles

was in a rush

[olive ravine]

Oh nice thanks but

can you help me to understand this

[short hazel]

do you want me to go through grammatical errors or give tips on some more advanced vocabulary

[olive ravine]

wait imma send u a dm

[short hazel]

alr

[meager pike]

anything that you don't agree with

[short hazel]

i’ll see what i can make sound more academic

[meager pike]

yes it is a class discussion and this is my discussion

take your time

[olive ravine]

check my dm @short hazel

[short hazel]

I concur with the aforementioned statements. However, I would like to dedicate some time to discussing how languages may alter individual perception of the world around us - referring to the societal influences that stem from linguistic culture. Some time ago, I watched “Arrival”, a movie in which the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis is mentioned; his theory states that the language we speak may alter how we think or understand our surroundings, even within our dreams. I am fascinated how and believe that language directly affects society, especially when it comes to the field of sociolinguistics.

that’s how i could make it sound a bit more formal

not perfect since im writing on phone

[olive ravine]

@short hazel respons my dm

[meager pike]

so you only made it formal?

what about the content is it valid?

[short hazel]

yes its entirely valid

and true

linguistics shape culture

[meager pike]

do you think there is somthing wrong with it?

[short hazel]

the things i can say about your version:

• "about if the language we speak influences the way we think and perceive the world (meaning that language might shape society)"
• this is quite long and doesn't have a great flow, which is why id simplify it to say something along the lines of "how linguistics alter our perception of the world"
• "although I’m not entirely sure if this is relevant to our discussion but"
• don't bother saying this, just say the point
• "“Arrival” where they mention Sapir-Whorf hypothesis and"
• i'd put the following part after a semi-colon to make it a related yet separate sentence, this improves the flow
• "advocates"
• it doesn't advocate it, it states it or explains that
• "influences the way we think (it can even affect your dreams) and perceive our surroundings and shaping our understanding of the world"
• don't repeatedly say "and", use commas and make a list
• ", so the relationship between language and society is mutual"
• i would start that as en entirely new sentence starting with therefore or something similar

[meager pike]

okay i appreciate is so much

[queen wedge]

Oh- middle school. 😭 I'm in high school but I'll try!

Titles should be capitalised: "Norman's Confidence."

It might be Discord but a lot of your sentences are separated as if they're different paragraph.

Norman Normalson is a 13 year old boy who resided in Georgia, United States.

Norman was a regular boy who lived with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Normalson, and his elder sister, Needa Jobsoon Normalson. He excelled at physical activities and found himself attracted to the subject of how the world functions, physics. But, like every other individual, Norman possesed flaws: he had a fear of public speaking.

Norman's school had presented children with an opportunity to recite the speech of their favourite politician to present their confidence and speaking skills. Of course, many children were ecstatic with the opportunity and eagerly signed up. The mere idea of participating did not cross Norman's mind even once. However, once news spread his mother insisted he should join.

"It could help with your stuttering!" his mother punctuated.

"I don't stutter..." retorted Norman, mildly offended.

"Hell yeah you do," replied his elder sister, Needa, with a rather amused tone.

"Language!" Norman's mom corrected.

"Right...heck yeah you do" Needa corrected herself.

This is a summary of how Norman found himself winded up in the curtains of his school's auditorium holding a piece of paper which contained the speech he decided to recite; he was fiddling with the paper, ripping small specks off it. He was nervous and it was palpable, even though he had practiced day and night.

"What if I mess up? What will everyone think? What if I forget something...will my mom be mad?" His mind kept running through self-deprecating thoughts. His friend, William Williams, noticed his anxiety and patted him on the back in an attempt to reassure him.

"Chill dude." Norman breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

"Norman Normalson." The teacher on duty called for him to appear at the stage, and so he did so.

Norman glanced at the judgemental and assessing eyes of the crowd and judges. He felt the words stuck in his throat as he was unable to proceed. The judge shot him questioning glances.

A few seconds later he finally started, "H-hello...everyone...my name is...uh...Norman Normalson...and I will be uh....reciting th speech...of...Martin...Luther King...for equality...and uh...may I start?" The judges nodded in approval.

Soon, he started to speak...he felt the words slip out of his throat. He had memorised every word. His hard work seemed to have paid. The eyes of the audience and all other thoughts seemed to have faded.

When the results of the competition came in, Norman did not win. But he gained experience.

[queen wedge]

I must say this was very wonderfully written. You're in middle school and I remember also being in your shoes in elementary. I loved to write, and write, and write! It looks to me like you also love to write.

The changes I made were minor or not very large. Primarily, I made the phrasings in your narrative more clear, or if I felt like you were going for a certain emphasis (on info. or words) then I tried to continue it. I also changed the brevity of some parts: I shortened them if I believed they were too long. Ironically, I did the opposite too where I felt you cut something off.

I love that you have clear descriptions, or repetitive sentences to emphasis the qualities of Norman: "he, he, he..." You do a very good job at having natural dialogue too, and you're excellent at including necessary nuances. Your writing is very clear and the narrative makes us have a good understanding of what's happening. Your writing makes me nostalgic because I remember writing like this: crisp and punctual, like those animated cartoon shows. ;)

Your control over grammar is also very wonderful. Just remember, semicolons join independent sentences that are similar. One way you may choose to use it is where you went "he, he, he..." For example: "His mind kept running through self-deprecating thoughts**;** his friend, William Williams, noticed his anxiety and patted him on the back in an attempt to reassure him." When you have dialogue, make sure it's a new paragraph and sentences continue there unless it makes sense to begin a new paragraph or there's a new speaker, which requires a new paragraph. When you're demonstrating stuttering use an ellipsis (or even a hyphen). You also might ask what I meant by changing clarity or brevity. Here's an example:

"This is a summary of how Norman found himself winded up in the curtains of his school's auditorium holding a piece of paper which contained the speech he decided to recite; he was fiddling with the paper, ripping small specks off it. He was nervous and it was palpable, even though he had practiced day and night."

There's some really minor issues I fixed (like an incorrect preposition) but I'm sure you understand that and you'll learn what they are, or, just naturally understand.

But one of the bigger (to most ppl it wouldn't seem so) changes I'd make is actually on the comma! The comma has so many uses and most ppl don't understand all the places the comma possibly goes. There's just too many, but commas give that natural effect of breathing which is really nice. Similarly, you should try to "naturally feel" where commas goes. It will be wrong sometimes, surely, but it'll support your grammatical understanding of the comma.

The biggest suggestion I would like to give is on your narrative piece! Since you're in middle school the reasoning or message of your writing might not have as much importance, but narrative writing with a message, some experience, or ideas, are amazing! Often when you write imaginatively, but with previous experience to support it, it works very well! Furthermore, write descriptively. You use a lot of big words: "self-deprecating, palpable" and I can see you're vocabulary is large.

However, you should differentiate fancy and formal and also how it's used in narrative writing. You aren't trying to use great words by themselves to give meaning, or make your teacher or I see your narrative world. It just doesn't work. You should provoke emotions: touch, smell, sight, etc. Honestly when my teachers yapped about it annoyed me a lot. Don't go into the theory of it! You will get better if you read more and write more, and since you're an excellent writer, it'll come to you more naturally!

Iconic Example

It was a town of red brick, or of brick that would have been red if the smoke and ashes had allowed it; but as matters stood, it was a town of unnatural red and black like the painted face of a savage. It was a town of machinery and tall chimneys, out of which interminable serpents of smoke trailed themselves for ever and ever, and never got uncoiled. It had a black canal in it, and a river that ran purple with ill-smelling dye, and vast piles of building full of windows where there was a rattling and a trembling all day long, and where the piston of the steam-engine worked monotonously up and down, like the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness. It contained several large streets all very like one another, and many small streets still more like one another, inhabited by people equally like one another, who all went in and out at the same hours, with the same sound upon the same pavements, to do the same work, and to whom every day was the same as yesterday and to-morrow, and every year the counterpart of the last and the next.

Charles Dickens' Hard Times: For These Times.

I'm not the best at this but I rlly love narrative writing. Here's something I wrote! :)

Notierre was small for even a town, with people small for even people; yet, they were with a pompous amount of resources and equally pompous people. The houses were bullies to the trees as they were built taller than the cedars or pines. Each house was different and novel, but united by the need for pomposity like the snowflakes which crowned the nearby Alps. The townspeople were made of metals, and their minds were as inflexible as metal. Indeed though, the only reason Notierre was inhabited was because of the gold, as during the middle of the year, there were spears of water thrown by the clouds, attacking the animals, and the land: growing and streaming through like the boils that would burst from plagued men. And in the summer, the sun brought a dragon’s breath, which nearly burned the land and scared away the mistral, and any draught. Though, gold was too valuable to not gamble with life. So, Notierre was coiled by a serpentine moat, and its ravenous sun’s dragon tamed by shields of fabric.

[barren geode]

Omg Tysm!! This really helped me and you replied right on time as my English exam is today so Thank you!!

[queen wedge]

Of course. You’re writing an exam so I wouldn’t go for that depth but you should try to be descriptive but also concise!

[barren geode]

Got it! Thank you once again

[queen wedge]

Good luck! Sorry if it was long.

[barren geode]

No, Not at all.

[queen wedge]

How'd it go if I may ask?!

[queen wedge]

Btw, you should italicise the titles of movies. "Sapir-Whorf hypothesis" should have an en dash and not a hyphen.

[celest laurel]

hello

everybody

[barren geode]

It went well!

It was quite simple, the topic was to talk about some big secret

So I chose to talk about a cop hiding a secret. He had to find a robber, but he was actually the robber. He was a kind-hearted man so days and days after guilt he turned himself in. I know it's sort of cliché but I could not think of anything better in the spur of the moment.

Though I think I was a few words over the limit

[queen wedge]

Omg. You definitely did super well then.

[barren geode]

Thanks I hope I get good marks

Thank you so much for ur help

[gleaming ruin]

The discrimination about the race of people, religions, or even genders are very impolite. Some people are very racist
especially about the colors we have. It is very immature of those people who make fun of our race, which is
what we call "racism". Some people doesn't even know what the words they're saying mean, and it is a huge disrespect to us.
People are not aware that what they are doing is against us people with colors. I heard some people saying bad things when they see
a person who's not normal looking, sometimes they laugh and make fun of them because of how they look. People with different colors or religions
often get unfair treatment with other people. It is a very sad truth about the world we live in, but I hope the discrimination awareness spreads
around the world and be more known to the people who are likely to be racist.

is this a good one for a blog about discrimination awareness

[gleaming ruin]

help please

[spice current]

Discrimination of people's race, religions, or even genders can be very disrespectful.

Some people are very racist especially about the colors of people's skin. It is considered very immature where people choose to make fun of our race.

Racism is a form of direct discrimination. Some people don't even know what the meaning is behind the words they're saying. Discrimination and racism are considered very disrespectful.

People are not aware that what they are doing is against people with with different skin tones. I heard some people saying awful things when they see
a person who's not considered to them as normal looking, sometimes they laugh and make fun of them because of how they look.

People with different skin tones, genders, disabilities, or religions often receive unfair treatment from other people. It is a very sad truth about the world we live in.

I hope that awareness of different types of discrimination, including awareness of racism spreads
around the world and further educates those people who are likely to be racist.

[spice current]

Hello

I have taken a look

I hope it's ok

[gleaming ruin]

okayy

[spice current]

I have tweaked it again

Hope that helps in some way

[gleaming ruin]

can you help me write 3 simple sentences, 3 compound sentences, and 3 complex sentences involving this

[spice current]

All combined into the same article or as three separate articles?

I think I know what you mean hold on

Simple would be -

A) Discrimination of race, religion, or gender is disrespectful

B) Some people are racist based on skin color

C) Racism is a form of discrimination

Compounded would be

A) Some people are racist, and they don’t realise how harmful their words are to others

B) People often make fun of others because of their appearance, but this behavior is immature

C) Racism and discrimination hurt people deeply, yet many still people engage in this behaviour

More complex

A) Although racism is widespread, some people don't understand the harm they cause

B) When people make fun of someone based on race, they are showing their immaturity

C) Discrimination can happen to anyone who looks different, whether it is due to race, gender, religion or a combination of these

[gleaming ruin]

what modifier did you use in these sentences?

[spice current]

I used modifiers to give more clarity and detail. An example being race, religion, or gender, rather than just putting "anyone"

Note I wrote these out in British English

I forgot to say before

[gleaming ruin]

to make this not confusing, basically I have to write a blog about discrimination awareness, then I need to write sentences in different structures which is the one you made, and then I have to underline and number the modifier used in the sentences, then after underlining it, I need to identify what type of speech, (ex. Adverb, Adverb of time etc.)

[abstract pulsar]

hi im currently writing a body paragraph on Romeo and Juliet and how they are rushing into love which leads to their tragic endings, can someone help improve this?

Love takes time and (idk how to start it). Romeo is depicted as a Petrarchan lover, infatuated with Rosaline and consumed by his intense emotions. In his lament to Benvolio, he delivers the lines, “O brawling love, O loving hate” (1,1), revealing his romanticised view of love and emotional immaturity. The utilisation of the powerful oxymoron, “brawling love” and “loving hate” highlights the intensity of Romeo’s conflicted feelings about love, illustrating his confusion on why love is hurting him so much when it's meant to bring happiness. Additionally, Shakespeare’s use of ecphonesis further heightens the dramatic effect of his emotional turmoil and desperation, suggesting how he is prone to his emotions which foreshadows the impulsive decisions further on that would shape his tragic fate. This suggests that Romeo is still inexperienced with love and is immature through his intense emotions in this scene.
Romeo’s tempestuous nature is clearly demonstrated the day he met Juliet, he pleads the Friar, “I’ll tell thee as we pass, but this I pray: That thou consent to marry us today.” (2,3). This phrase plays a pivotal role in their downfall, showcasing how quickly Romeo falls in love, dismissing his previous infatuation with Rosaline in an instant just because Juliet loves him back. Shakespeare portrays Romeo as an impetuous character who falls in love quickly. This is also an example of dramatic irony, where the audience realises that this could be the start of many tragic events. Romeo rushes into marriage a day after their encounter, showcasing how time is a crucial conflict within the play.

[spice current]

I love Romeo and Juliet! I studied this at school

What about "Love takes time to grow and mature"

[abstract pulsar]

it was so interesting!

[abstract pulsar]

ohh tysm

[spice current]

Yes! All the hidden meanings in what Wilam Shakespeare's writing

@abstract pulsar one thought it's better to say that Romeo was impetuous, rather than tempestuous. He lives his life fluttering about from girlfriend to girlfriend. I guess it depends on what one wishes to emphasize

[abstract pulsar]

ohh thankyou!

[silk spindle]

Topic: You come across many children on the crossroads with begging bowls in their hands. Write a diary entry about your experience.

15 September
Sunday
3:30 PM

Dear Diary,
Today I went to the city centre to do some shopping. I had been a little stubborn lately. I told my mother I wanted to buy new clothes and shoes this morning. When we were done shopping and heading back home, I saw a group of children sitting at the crossroads with begging bowls in their hands. Suddenly, a woman came up to one of the boys, looked into his empty bowl, and slapped him leaving a severe bruise on the poor boy’s face. I felt terrible. He was holding back his tears. I assumed he was about the same age as me. I stood there empty-minded, knowing I couldn’t console him, knowing that I couldn’t tell him that he could be saved. Why? It was my attire that wouldn’t let me talk with him. We live in a world where our clothes decide whom we can talk to.
(my name)

can anyone proofread this?

(ping me when you do)

[heady nova]

It’s believed by many that one’s success is solely dependent on the person’s true abilities and motives . In this paragraph ı will argue why that isn’t always the case and how residence affects personal success .

Firstly, educational institutions tends to be less developed ,understaffed or have less talented educational staff in rural areas compared to suburban cities which in turn have a great effect on the quality and variety of talents ,knowledges and skills a person is trying to collect to compete with city residents who usually have access to a better education thus giving no chance for anyone with a lower quality of education to succeed .

Secondly, as most of manufacturers and companies are located in the cities ,it becomes hard to find a job opportunity in a less dense rural cities as manufacturers choose cities to have a better access to much needed materials and high educated workers to make their business and factories run smoothly with little to no delays whereas having your business or factory in a rural area will hinder it’s development as every small malfunction threatens the their business or factory to halt activities until said needed materials arrive from the city.

City residents are in a greater advantage in comparison to rural area’s residents as they have greater access to high quality education and jobs

[for pte]

👍 argument 👍
It is said that regions can impact people’s success. What is your point about one’s hometown and the effect of accomplished individuals on that region?

[candid idol]

• centre (british englsih) ---> center (American English)
• I have been a little stubborn lately, and I told my mother I wanted to buy new clothes and shoes this morning.
• crossroads ---> crossroad
• When we were done shopping and heading back home, I saw a group of children sitting at the crossroads begging for money.
• Suddenly, a woman came up to one of the boys, looked into his empty bowl, and gave him a tight slap, leaving him with a severe bruise on the poor boy's face.
• I couldn't help myself, but feel terrible.
• He seemed like he was holding back his tears.
• Standing there empty-minded, I knew I couldn’t console him, because I couldn’t tell him that he could be saved.
• We live in a world, where our clothes decide whom we can talk to.

[abstract pulsar]

Hi! How can I improve on this paragraph?
I'm writing about how Romeo + Juliet rushes into love, thus leading to their downfall.
(this paragraph is just about Juliet)

In Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare presents the idea that rushing into love can have various consequences, especially through Juliet’s character. Upon their first meeting, she expresses concern for the rapid pace of their relationship, where she realises that their promises to each other are careless. Juliet compares their swift progression to lightning, remarking that their actions are “too rash, too unadvised, too sudden”, suggesting the potential dangers that its fleeting nature could have on them. Although Juliet recognises the hasty pace of their newfound love, both protagonists are still too young and immature to fully grasp the situation. Juliet showcases the internal conflict between her infatuation with Romeo and her rational thinking, reflecting on how youth often lacks patience, jumping head-on. Shakespeare constructs her as a teenager who is swept up in infatuation, despite knowing the major flaw in their relationship. Despite understanding the need for patience and acknowledging their immaturity, Juliet ultimately agrees to marry Romeo. This creates a sense of dramatic irony, as the audience is aware of the tragic outcome that their impulsive decisions will lead to.

Moreover, her impulsivity is further highlighted after Juliet discovers her awaited marriage to Paris. She is overcome with panic and rushes to Friar Lawrence, urging and desperately threatening him for a solution. After the Friar gives Juliet the vial as a way to escape her marriage, Juliet’s internal conflict is heightened, expressing her concerns about his intentions, asking “What if this mixture doesn’t work at all?“. In her soliloquy, she reveals her true thoughts about the situation, she worries about the potential outcomes of their plan and almost regrets her decision. Despite her fears, Juliet decides to overcome them and put her life on the line, drinking the vial as a devotion to their romance. This scene underscores how love causes individuals to act out rash decisions, which ultimately drives them to their downfall amidst their desperation. Romeo and Juliet provides a cautionary tale on the hurried pacing teenagers often take in the pursuit of love. Both characters defy the dangers that are possessed when falling in love with each other despite their rivalling families.

[grizzled heron]

can someone read my text and say what could've been better ? i didn't receive feedback initially because it was an exam

There are many synonyms to “happiness”, such as joy, bliss, satisfaction, ecstasy, gladness.
There are also many variants of happiness, where it originates from. How are there so many
different ways to interpret that singular word, why does there seem to be less happiness among
younger generations, and what are the younger generations doing to replace that feeling.

Happiness is subjective. When trying to describe what happiness is, you have to rely on
numerous factors, such as country, economical state, social surroundings, etc. A set definition
is therefore not possible due to the many diverse influencing factors. However, why does it
seem that when people speak of happiness, they know what they are talking about? Simply
since it is their own definition of it. Humanity is diverse and interpret certain aspects of life
separately. For instance, in contrast to children in the USA, children in Africa use the term
happiness for themselves after only eating grain bread for a meal. When girls in poor
countries who cannot go to school, suddenly can, they decide that that is happiness, whilst
teenage girls in the USA are miserable at school. I would suggest there is also a generational
separation due to the fact that older people tend to show gratitude easier than young people.
More often than not is it easier to please an old woman in her 70’s than a teenage girl in her
17’s. Whereas older people are used to have less, younger people have a proneness to expect
more than they have, this also applies to happiness. Older people have a way of being more
pleased by themselves, whilst younger people obtain less happiness throughout their early
years. Why is that?

Expectations towards young people have always been high, we have always been expected to
attend school, balance it with a part time job later on when you turn about 16/17, be active,
respectful, happy. These prospects did not seem to be an issue, until later on during around the
2000th century, when social media and the internet made its appearance. Since then, suicide
and depression rates among teens and young adults have risen drastically, more teens struggle
to make friends due to higher anxiety rate, resulting in chronical loneliness. If social media is
to blame for all this, is discussable, despite its major role. One could also argue one of the
reasons is the unpreparedness of the adults and the people leading our countries. Social media
took the young generation by storm, and before we knew it, 1/3 of the teen population became
depressed. Imagine a life where you have the old expectations regarding school and
behaviour, yet now you have expectations regarding your looks as well, how you are
supposed to dress, walk, talk, your personality is already calculated by society. Life becomes unliveable. It is suddenly difficult to feel happiness on your own due to all the expectations
hovering over you all the time, so you take to other sources, such as your phone, books,
sometimes it develops into a dangerous addiction like smoking, drugs or alcohol.

This leads me to my third and final point; Has happiness become artificial? Artificial is by
definition “lacking in natural or spontaneous quality”. The drawing depicts this more than
perfectly, particularly regarding lack of happiness today. Especially among teenagers and
young adults, happiness has become a rare substance. Dopamine is what makes humans in
general happy, it is a hormone produced in our body when we experience something that
releases adrenaline. Today, people would rather take dopamine in the form of their phone or
drugs which is short lived, mostly because they do not have a source of it otherwise. It is quite
interesting to see a depressed person meet a very well person, due to the fact they are so
dissimilar mindset wise. The depressed person will immediately think “how can this person
be so happy, where does it come from” and due to the fact, they get their dopamine
(happiness) through anti-depressants (artificial), they will be stunned when they hear the well
person just makes it on their accord, as displayed by the frown on the other persons’ face.

In conclusion, it is impossible to determine what happiness exactly is due to its many variants
and dependent factors. And with the current lack of it today among certain groups of people, it
is getting more and more difficult to understand the concept of it. Though it is one of our
biggest issues today, and something we need to fix before most of the younger generation go
down a dark path.

[short hazel]

i may or may not get to these before someone else

depends if i get my homework done

[jagged kettle]

: why does "there" seem to be less happiness

[olive ravine]

I'm looking for someone who can proofreading

[cinder goblet]

@olive ravine you can send it to me i'll check it

[turbid needle]

https://xero.gg/player/Hla

[queen wedge]

If this is formal don't use contractions: "it is" instead of "it's." For persuasive writing, don't write "in this sentence", "in this paragraph", "in this essay", etc. We should already understand without you having to mention that. When you add a comma it isn't spaced and never with the next word.

"a person's true abilities." Consider clarifying what you mean by "true abilities and motives."

I would consider cleaning up your second paragraph. For example:

Nearly all corporations are located in cities, making it more difficult to find job opportunities. The abundant materials and educated population in cities lure even more corporations to cities. On the other hand, rural locations hinder development because they do not have sufficient materials or tools, making even small malfunctions threaten operation.

City residents are at an advantage in comparison to rural area residents because they have greater access to high quality education and job opportunities.

It was rlly nice reading it! It's short but sweet! ;)

You go right into your claim, and it's very clear and direct which is good. To make it even better you should try to include some basic background info. You could look to clarify definitions, give some details on what you might be saying later on, or quickly explain "the bigger picture." You should try to include your main reasons for why you believe "success is not solely dependent on a person's true abilities and motives." Also, you mentioned that you were going to discuss "how residence affects personal success" at the very end of your intro. I would suggest giving some basic info. on that before saying you're also going to be defending that. That way, it isn't a surprise.

I wish I could be more help on giving tips on brevity but still being specific and honestly it just comes naturally and you're already good at being specific and also explaining cause and then effect. To make your writing better, I'd try to not give unnecessary details.

"Secondly, as most of manufacturers and companies are located in the cities ,it becomes hard to find a job opportunity in a less dense rural cities as manufacturers choose cities to have a better access to much needed materials and high educated workers to make their business and factories run smoothly with little to no delays whereas having your business or factory in a rural area will hinder its development as every small malfunction threatens the their business or factory to halt activities until said needed materials arrive from the city."

Your whole second paragraph is one continuous sentence when you can break it up into sentences. Plus, don't include unnecessary details. I personally don't believe you need to say "manufactures and companies" or "business and factories." You can just use one.

As another example (in general): "it's magnificently pretty!" You can just say pretty, the magnificently is unnecessary unless you're rlly trying to emphasis it.

[queen wedge]

For a paragraph that has reasoning, btw, you should use: main argument, background info. + reasoning, transition sentence or like emphasis on your reasoning.

Be specific. For example: "...hinders development", of what?

[queen wedge]

Nearly all corporations choose to locate themselves in cities, making job opportunities more difficult to find in rural locations. The abundance of educated people and supplies lures even more corporations to the cities where production is cost-efficient and fast. On the other hand, rural locations are less advanced, hindering infrastructure development. Furthermore, the limited amount of materials may make even small malfunctions threaten operation.

Imo, listing is good but in a paragraph where you're trying to reason, it rlly isn't bc it doesn't let you be specific or give more details.

Like when you're specific you usually include more tools that'll convince ppl:

Give specific examples. Okay, you say it causes delay, do you have examples of real life corporations that have failed in rural areas? Perhaps you could say what exactly made them fail, or add onto your reasoning?

Give facts. You say that rural areas have "less materials" and that they "hinder development." How much less materials, and more importantly, why is that significant? Sure, it hinders development, but why does that matter? How much money is "lost" because of this hindrance?

Take control of ppl's emotions. Because, you argue, rural locations are basically neglected by corporations as they are more of an economic burden than anything else, do you have an example of people going angry in rural locations because they couldn't find work? Oh, maybe they didn't find work because those no good businesses don't choose to place their factories in rural areas? Or, a bright person in a village that was so incredibly smart, yet, he couldn't find work for the same reason. What impact on rural areas happens through businesses choosing not to put up a factory there? Better yet, horrific failures when companies did try to be benevolent and put up a factory there (that could be an example, ofc). Are corporations neglecting the already neglected? Why, if corporations control everything, then surely you're right about how even with skills and a meritorious heart don't bring you to success?

Look at the other side (ppl arguing against you or reasons against yours). You should look at why you might be wrong and explain the reasoning and then proceed to explain why it's wrong.

I love that you use "it will", "because", instead of, "maybe", "perhaps", etc. It reinforces how you're right and that this is true.

[queen wedge]

(This, in English, is called pathos, logos, and ethos).

Lastly for your summary: don't make it one sentence. If your last sentence was part of a conclusion paragraph then it would be amazing but it isn't when you should! In your conclusion, simply, just restate your argument in a different way. Usually you leave your audience with something important like a question or a shocking revelation or smthing.

For your writing specifically, you didn't rlly mention like how even w/ true skills and good intentions success may not come.

[queen wedge]

this is crazy too bc i just learnt what this was last week even though for most people it's natural but im using it now!! 😛

[heady nova]

yay

I'm going somewhere

the essay have less mistakes in punctuation and grammer

last essay had too little or even zero

but

It's incoherent and messy

and very stupid and inconsistent and almost always getting off topic

.
.
The qualities that a person needs to become truly successful cannot be learned at university or in a similar educational institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
.
.

A lot of students graduate from the university unprepared for the actual life or for the job market and often find themselves lost after college ,however a lot of students can find themselves ready as soon as they graduate.

While the majority of skills taught in the university are theoretical, a portion of it can be practical. For example a lot of universities give training in summer which is supposed to give students some experience; however, a lot of students do not pay attention to these classes resulting in them losing a very important part of their educational process. Some universities do not need to give training.

Not all university courses provide training and not all university courses teach useful skills because not all university courses are job focused; for example courses like art or philosophy do not prepare for any actual job. In addition to that preparing students for job market in some of university courses can limit the creative process of its graduates and as a result causing its courses to be meaningless -you find that mostly happening in creative focused courses-

Universities provide training in some of its courses but most of the time students have to explore and develop by themselves.

[brisk halo]

oh my goon its michael

[queen wedge]

Hi. Has someone proofread this already?

[queen wedge]

Hi! Has someone proofread this?

[grizzled heron]

Not really..? I mean someone pointed at 1 grammar mistake

[queen wedge]

Sorry that I didn’t proofread it

I have a test tomorrow and hw but if I finish it I’ll be sure to check

[grizzled heron]

Thanks! Ive always wanted to know what couldve been done better at especially this exam since i got an A

[lofty bough]

There are many synonyms to “happiness”, such as joy, bliss, satisfaction, ecstasy, gladness.
There are also many variants of happiness and where it originates from. How are there so many
different ways to interpret that singular word, why does there seem to be less happiness among
younger generations, and what are the younger generations doing to replace that feeling ?

Happiness is subjective. When trying to describe what happiness is, you have to rely on
numerous factors, such as** your** country, economic state, social surroundings, etc. A set definition
is therefore not possible due to the many diverse influencing factors. However, why does it
seem that when people speak of happiness, they know what they are talking about? Simply
since it is their own definition of it. Humanity is diverse and interpret certain aspects of life
separately. For instance, in contrast to children in the USA, many children in Africa use the term
happiness for themselves only after eating grain bread for a meal. When girls in poor
countries who could not go to school, suddenly can, they decide that that is happiness, whilst
teenage girls in the USA are miserable at school. I would suggest there is also a generational
separation due to the fact that older people tend to show gratitude easier than young people.
More often than not, it is easier to please an old woman in her 70’s than a teenage girl in her
17’s. Whereas older people are used** to having less**, younger people are prone to expecting
more than what they have, which also applies to happiness. Older people have a way of being more
pleased with themselves, whereas younger people obtain less happiness throughout their early
years. Why is that?

[lofty bough]

Expectations towards young people have always been high - they have always been expected to
attend school, perhaps balance it with a part-time job later on, be active,
respectful, and happy. These prospects did not seem an issue, until when social media and the internet made their appearance in the late 20th century. Since then, suicide and depression rates among teens and young adults have risen dramatically, and more teens struggle
to make friends due to higher anxiety rate, resulting in chronic loneliness. It is debatable whether social media is
to be blamed for all this, despite its major role. One could also argue that one of the
reasons is the incompetence of the adults and national leaders. Social media
took the young generation by storm, and before we knew it, 1/3 of the teen population became
depressed. Imagine a life where** you, a teen,** have the old expectations regarding school and
behaviour as usual, yet imposed on it more expectations regarding your looks, how you are
supposed to dress, walk, and talk. In that case, when your personality is calculated a priori by the society, social life becomes unbearable. It is suddenly difficult to feel happiness on your own due to all the expectations hovering over you all the time, so you take to other sources like a phone, books - and sometimes it develops into a dangerous addiction like smoking, drugs or alcohol.

[lofty bough]

This leads me to my third and final point; Has happiness become artificial? "Artificial" is by
definition “lacking in natural or spontaneous quality”. The drawing depicts the situation more than
perfectly, particularly the lack of happiness in the present day. Especially among teenagers and
young adults, happiness has become a rare substance. Dopamine is what makes humans in
general happy, it is a hormone produced in our body when we experience something that
releases adrenaline. Today, people would rather take dopamine in the form of their phone or
drugs which is short lived, mostly because they do not have a better source of it. It is quite
interesting to see a depressed person meet a very well person, due to the fact they have so
dissimilar mindsets. The depressed person immediately thinks**,** “how can this person
be so happy, where does it come from**?” and due to this fact, they get their dopamine
(happiness) through anti-depressants (artificial).** They are usually stunned when they hear the well
person just makes it of their own accord, as displayed by the frown on their face.

In conclusion, it is impossible to determine what happiness exactly is due to its many variants
and determinants. And with the current lack of it today among certain groups of people, it
is getting more and more difficult to conceptualise it. It is one of our biggest issues today, and something we need to fix before most of the younger generation goes down a dark path.

Sorry for my pedantism, can't help it really

[heady nova]

Could y'all read my essay?and tell me what could I improve if it's based on a usage of words or anything

My brother and I were dined at Marina restaurant. It is located in Berlin, Germany.We were there last Saturday since it was a weekend.

There is one food that we were enjoyed.the name of the food was an egg fried rice. It has such a delicious taste that melts into our mouths whenever we take a bite of it. The food contains a well cooked rice mixing with different kind of seasoning.on top of it,they were putting an omelette right next to it as an extra delicacies.

The food was served on a medium sized plate that been carved wonderfully with an element of floral.

I highly recommended this place to my friends.the environment of the restaurant was calm and inviting,every corner of the place is filled with a natural plants.Not only that,the cleanliness of the restaurant was on an extraordinary level since it's first operational.

(P.S:the restaurant name and the review was entirely made up)

[spring spoke]

Hello. I can do an edit on your article if that is what you are asking. Put it into common-usage language to read as a formal restaurant review or just an informal conversational to a friend about a restaurant you went to.

Ping me if you would like me to do that.

[heady nova]

Sure go ahead. Well it's about writing restaurant that you were going to. So please edit if there's things that need some improvement

[spring spoke]

When you say "first operational", do you mean the restaurant has just recently opened for business, or it has always been a high standard?

I'll do it in my server, and get back to you.

[heady nova]

"Always on high standards"

[spring spoke]

Last Saturday my brother and I dined at "Marina" restaurant, located in the German Capital, Berlin.
We particularly enjoyed the Egg Fried Rice; cooked-to-perfection seasoned rice accompanied by a mouth-watering Omelette.
The wooden serving-dish was wonderfully carved with an intriguing floral motif.
The restaurant ambience is quiet and inviting, with lots of potted plants adorning every corner.
I am more than happy to recommend "Marina" for a relaxed and enjoyable meal at an establishment which consistently maintains it's high standards of quality and cleanliness.

[heady nova]

Thanks man. Could you tell me on how to increase usage of words when it comes to writing?

[spring spoke]

Do you mean fill out an essay that needs a certain number of words in for an assignment, for instance?

[heady nova]

Instance

[spring spoke]

You can put in redundancies that don't jar or disrupt the narrative, for instance, instead of writing "The only person there was a Turk in traditional costume", you could write " The one and only person drawn to the event turned out to be a Turkish person sporting their nation's traditional costume."

Instead of "except for", do "with the exception of".

For "Additionally", use " As well".

[olive path]

roochaser do you have any resources or material to learn and adapt these?

[warm dawn]

Hello, can someone rate my IELTS Academic Writing Task 2 essay? and maybe give advice and answer some of my questions? My aim is 7.5

[odd goblet]

These two videos

document another one of the heroic operations of Martyr Harith Al-Sudani, where he transported suicide bombers to their intended location. The other video showcases another one of his remarkable missions.

Martyr Harith Al-Sudani strategically used religious chants during his intelligence operations while infiltrating ISIS. These chants played a key role in building trust with the suicide bombers he dealt with, as he recited them in a calm and convincing voice to reinforce his apparent loyalty to the terrorist group.

The chants he used contained religious and jihadist phrases commonly used by extremist groups to boost the morale of their fighters. By reciting these chants, Al-Sudani was able to calm the bombers and eliminate any doubts they might have had about his identity, allowing him to complete his critical missions without being exposed.

Al-Sudani employed these chants intelligently, using them not only as a means of communication with the terrorists but also as a tool to penetrate their ranks and uncover their plots. His actions helped prevent numerous attacks and saved many lives.e to reassure the suicide bombers until the mission was complete.

[odd goblet]

good evening 🌃 miss.. @queen wedge
this another videos of Al-Sudani missions

[queen wedge]

Hi, sorry for being so late! Someone else proofread this for you but I still owe you. 😛

Your grammar is awesome but the only small issue is watching out for comma splices. For example: "there are also many variants of happiness, **and ** where it originates from."

"How are there so many different ways to interpret that singular word**?** Why does there seem to be less happiness among younger generations, and what are younger generations doing to replace that feeling?"

"...such as country, economic state."

Not sure what you meant by "simply since it is their own definition of it" but maybe something like: "Simple: because they create their own definition of it."

"Humanity is diverse and interprets..."
"...children in Africa use the term happiness for themselves after only eating grains of bread..."

"...more often than not it is easier to please an old woman in her 70s than a teenage girl." You don't need "17s" because you can't be "in your 17s" and you already mentioned they were a teen.

"Whereas older people are used to having less, younger people have a proneness to expect more than they have**;** this also applies to happiness."

"Expectations towards young people have always been high**:** we have always been expected to attend school, be active, be respectful, be happy, and balance it with a part time job later on." Changed the format for parallelism. You should try to use parallel structure because it makes it easier to read and more natural. "...20th century, when social media and the internet made their appearance."

Srry but this part is confusing me: "if social media is to blame for all of this, is discussable, despite its major role."

"Yet now you have expectations on how you should look, dress, walk, talk; your personality is already calculated by society."

"This leads me to my third and final point: has happiness become artificial?" I would actually remove the "this leads me to my third and final point" because in an essay it's way better not to say that and just say your point. "Has happiness become artificial?" is so much more forboding and a more confrontational sentence than when you say you're about to say your last point. Idk how to describe it...it just feels like there's a sense of confrontation.

Usually before you quote something you have a comma. The period should go inside at the end of a quotation.

"Dopamine is what makes humans, in general, happy. It is a hormone..."

"It is quite interesting to see a depressed person meet a very happy person due to the fact their mindsets are so dissimilar"

The depressed person will immediately wonder, “how can this person
be so happy? Where does it come from?” The depressed person, who uses antidepressants to obtain their artificial happiness, will be stunned to hear that the happy person just makes it on their own accord, as displayed by the frown on their face.

Your essay is great, imo. None of changes I made are really big. The only piece of advice that matters is that you should try your best to avoid comma splices & maybe more appropriate transition words: however, then, etc. I'm not that good at using transition words and I think just practicing a lot helps.

Btw girl congrats on the A 💅

[grizzled heron]

Thanks, im norwegian so it doesnt have to be top top tier to be a good grade 😅 ill look at the advice :) thank u so much

[queen wedge]

u deserve that a though 100%

what u said i completely agree w/ u

at my school & my province theyre banning phones & stuff and i think ppl are happier that way even though its super annoying sometimes

[grizzled heron]

Tysm, it was a rlly tough semester for me nd i wrote the final essay w out any preparation in 2-3 hours i was so happy w myself 😭

[grizzled heron]

Damn 😭

[spring spoke]

May I just point out that "proofreading" does not equal " a re-write"?

[queen wedge]

Oops- yes that's true!! im pedantic about it here especially bc not everyone here is a native so they might keep repeating their mistakes

[queen wedge]

that's actually so impressive though wth

it takes me 2 hours to even think of a proper structure

[spring spoke]

I always ask whether a person just wants a proofread, or would they also be looking for a bit of editing, which involves suggesting alternate ways to express the same idea. In both cases, it's important not to alter the meanings, express or implied, without first getting the approval of the author.

[gleaming ruin]

What is Mental Health? This is a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, knowing their abilities, and contribute to their community. Mental Health is what people are mostly having troubles or problems with. There are different ways to improve your mental health, me personally is using my hobbies. One way of improving my mental health is by playing badminton, there are advantages and disadvantages in doing this. The advantage of playing is that it helps you forget about your problems because rather than thinking about it, you are getting focused in the game and have a goal which is to win. Meanwhile, the disadvantage of this is that you’re going to get tired and have a sore body, not only that you’re tired from your problems, but also your physical health.

Aside from playing, drawing also helps me improve my mental health. And of course, this also have pros and cons just like badminton. The pros of this is that it can also help you focus on what you’re trying to draw and be at a better mind. While the cons of drawing is that it can be very frustrating because you are trying to get the right strokes of the pencil and also get the proportions right based on the reference.

And the last thing that helps me improve my mental health is listening to music, this improved my mental health a lot because I really like listening to music. The good thing about this is that this helps you feel more connected into the music you are listening to and vibe to it. Although the “bad” side about this is listening to songs that are more of a sad vibe or songs that you are related to, which might affect your mental health. Now that I have said my hobbies that are my “ways” of improving my mental health, I hope that this can also help you improve your mental health or your problems. That is all and thank you for listening.

are there any grammatical errors or sentences I should change

[candid idol]

• Mental Health doesn't need to be capatilized in the first sentence
• People are mostly having troubles or facing problemts with mental health issues.
• There are different ways to improve your mental health. Personally, I try to use my hobbies to improve my mental health.
• (New Paragraph) One way of improving my mental health is by playing badminton. Badminton has some advantages as well as some disadvantages in doing this. The advantage of playing is that it helps you forget about your problems because rather than thinking about it, you are getting focused in the game and have a goal which is to win. Meanwhile, the disadvantage of this is that you’re going to get tired and have a sore body. Not only are you going to be tired from your problems, but also your physically.
• The cons of drawing is that it can be very frustrating, because you are trying to get the right strokes and also get the proportions right based on the reference.
• The last thing that helps me improve my mental health is listening to music This improves my mental health a lot because I really like listening to music.
• The good thing about this, is that it helps you feel more connected into the music you are listening to and help you vibe with it.
• Although, the “bad” side about this is, listening to songs that that have more of a sad vibe or songs that relate to you, which might affect your mental health.
• (New paraghraph) Now that I have said my hobbies that help me improve my mental health, I hope that this can also help you improve your mental health or the problems you're facing.

[queen wedge]

Tysm for sharing! ;)

[odd goblet]

welcome miss

[queen wedge]

U can just call me governor or smthing else u dont need to use miss btw

or by my name

[odd goblet]

ok miss

[queen wedge]

Lol

[lost reef]

Hello everybody, i am new here. Can somebody tell me how this group works?

[mental wigeon]

This channel is - as its name states - dedicated to proofreading, which is the process of double-checking a text of any sort so as to correct potential mistakes. If you happen to have such a text you need to be checked, you may send it here, and some kind volunteers may revise it. The other way round also applies, feel free to aid ones in need

[languid anvil]

can someone read my text? i'm really confused on how to make it smoother, it was supposed to be an anecdote but i'm not sure if it is enough of one. Thank you to who may has the time:

Between the different neighborhoods I grew up in, I’ve always tried to stay true to myself and balance my own identity. The community you grow up in can help you catalyze your growth, while continuing to honor your birth home and carve your future path. Through the different learning environments I’ve been in, I was able to learn from different teachers that would suit my learning style, being able to experience the different teachings entitled me into studying more with better techniques and mindset. Back then I used to read over text multiple times which only got me so far, until I found out my effectiveness with flashcards. With that transition, I was able to find out how I learn and pass efficiently in school. After moving, I never knew about what it took to get good grades since all I cared about was having a passing grade due to the expectations of people surrounding me. I used to have expectations from my family and friends to pass school without being too focused on it. However when I moved homes, I had an entire restart with a more privileged environment. I realized I could achieve much higher marks than before, similar to how Mandela grew up to understand traditional customs and then adapted to new expectations later on in his life. He became successful through discovering himself in different conditions. It’s important to learn and grow in different environments and be able to sustain your sense of identity to face new and contrasting influences in your life forward. Therefore, your surroundings can shape your future. In “A Country Childhood”, Mandela reflects on his new environment as a chance to carve his path. Knowing that, I was able to recognize that my past is just as powerful as my future. By balancing who I am, I can flourish without losing sight of my identity.

[queen wedge]

I’ll look at it tomorrow!

[languid anvil]

Thank you so much! I’m looking forward to the feedback

[queen wedge]

Ofc. I’m excited.

Also what was the assignment about?

[languid anvil]

i need to write a narrative anecdote relating your experience to the authors which is nelson mandela who wrote A Country Childhood. i needed to give examples and make the flow of this paragraph interesting and logical

[cerulean lake]

@languid anvil

I’ve always tried to stay true to myself and balance my own identity between the different neighbourhoods I grew up in. While continuing to honour your birth home, the community you grow up in can help promote your growth and carve your future path. Through the different learning environments I have been in, I was able to learn from different teachers which learning style suited myself more; being able to experience the different teachings allowed me to study more efficiently and with a healthier mindset. Previously, I used to read over text multiple times, which only got me so far, until I found out my learning capacity with flashcards. With that transition, I was able to find out how I learn and pass in school. After moving, I never knew about what it took to get good grades since all that mattered to me was passing the course due to the expectations of people surrounding me. A standard was set by my family and friends to pass school without being too immersed in it. However, when I moved homes, I was able to restart with a more privileged environment. I realized that I could achieve much higher marks than before, similar to how Mandela grew up to understand traditional customs and then adapted to new expectations later on in his life. Mandela became successful through self-discovery in different conditions. A strong message that it is important is to learn and grow in different environments and be able to maintain your sense of identity to face new and contrasting experiences in your life. It is esssential to acknowledge that your surroundings can shape your future. In “A Country Childhood”, Mandela reflects on his new environment as a chance to carve his path forward. I was able to recognize that my past is just as powerful as my future by learning from Nelson Mandela. By balancing who I am, I can flourish without losing sight of my identity.

I fixed it up a bit!! Hopefully this helps, if even a little?

[languid anvil]

it feels so much smoother now, i am really thankful for your help

[queen wedge]

Hii! Sorry I was unable to help. The only suggestion I'm able to add is that book titles should preferably in italics. The proofreading you got was amazing.

[languid anvil]

Ohh thank you I almost forgot about that 😅

[hoary bane]

heeeey

[smoky maple]

does someone think they can review my rough draft for an essay?? If not its fine

[queen wedge]

Sure! You can send it in dms!

Ofc.

w/ what?

[olive ravine]

1 Year
After i graduate i started to make some resume and apply as a IT Professional for my first career and earn more income and help my family grow up
2 Years
I'll make some property like apartment or any business that can be grow to earn more money and gets some investment
3 Years
After two years i will get tenured of this career and started to enroll as a student again to my 2nd bachelor and learn more about engineering
4 Years
After i graduate im started invented in technology like very unique like they never invented
5 Years
I'll became a successful my career and my business and gets some more investment
6 Years
Me and my girlfriend we are married after 5 years and i decided to retired as IT Technology and continue to handle a business to my property
7 Years
We are decided to move other country and get better a life and started to make some business there like my property and make a apartment and make a business like restaurant
8
After 1 year maybe i started to make a new game like a horror just like resident evil and make a franchise and gets some crewmate like they can assist me to make a game and makes more better
9 Years
After the franchise became a successful maybe i decided to make it popular my franchise and became the top global level
10 Years
After i reached my true level maybe this is the story of my timeline future

can you guys correct my english plss

[smoky maple]

Okay, thanks but it will be a while

[olive ravine]

anyone

[queen wedge]

1 Year
Following graduation, I'm going to create a resume and become an I.T. professional as my first career to allow me to earn more and help my family.

2 Years
I'll make some property, like an apartment, or create a business in a demanding industry so I can earn money and invest.

3 Years
I will get tenured as an I.T. professional, but I'll enroll as a student again to begin my second bachelor's degree and learn more about engineering.

4 Years
Once I receive my bachelor's degree, I'm going to spend time inventing avantgarde technologies.

5 Years
I should be successful in my career by now, and I'll get some more investments.

6 Years
My girlfriend and I will be married for 5 years by now, and I'll have decided to retire as an I.T. professional and just handle my business and property.

7 Years
We will move to another country to have a better life. Like here, I'll also create a business, like a restaurant, and build an apartment.

8 Years
I'll begin working on a new horror game that's similar to 'resident evil.' It'll be a franchise and I'll ameliorate it with collaborators.

9 Years
Once the franchise has become successful, I'll try to popularise my franchise globally, hopefully making it a top-level global game.

10 Years
After I reach my true level, maybe this is the story of what will come in my timeline’s future.

I'm so srry if I did a poor job. I wasn't sure in some parts what exactly this was about or what you meant but I hope this helps in some way.

[candid idol]

hey, i just wanted to add something:
I noticed that your i is not captilized. unless it is part of another word, your i should be capitilized
Example: I went to the store. My friend came to the store I was in.
When is it ok to laugh in a serious setting?
If you don't understand, let me know.

[candid idol]

• Following graduation, I'm going to create a resume and become an I.T. professional, as my first career to allow me to earn more and help my family.

[queen wedge]

Srry but I don’t agree w/ this

Adding a comma there disrupts the flow of the sentence

And disrupts the relationship in that sentence more than it should

I feel if you wanted to add a comma there you need to add a separate phrase

“Following graduation, I’m going to create a resume and become an I.T. professional, which I recognise as my first career to allow me to earn more and help my family.”

[candid idol]

hmm i see

[candid idol]

Ngl, this sentence sound better

[queen wedge]

Omg ur so right

How didn’t I think of that

[olive ravine]

its just a scrapbook

@candid idol anyway are u here

[heady nova]

"I guess so. I can read almost any book I want without relying too much on a dictionary, watch TV shows at a 90% comprehension rate and write with few mistakes."

Can any native or fluent speaker tell me if this sentence sound good? If no, what's the problem with it?

[heady nova]

@queen wedge

[queen wedge]

Sounds good to me! :)

[heady nova]

I have been told by a random that this sentence looks terrible, and that it is a sign of mediocrity, which makes me an eternal intermediate who would never be as good as an advanced speaker.

Because it supposedly lacked fluidity and didn't sound natural. He later started making personal attacks.

And that anyone who saw that would see how bad it was. Nevermind

[queen wedge]

💀 What r they on about

Your sentence is completely fine

[queen wedge]

how??!?!

I mean sure ig you wouldnt quite say a sentence like that irl but i think its still super good

[heady nova]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Gep7WZBqpotNSl84bNjpapNWmb_zfqA51SvPNuXZLi0/edit?usp=sharing hey guys, can you guys please help me proofread my IELTS essay? does my essay answers the question and fully develop it? thnx 🙏

[heady nova]

damn thats kinda brutal lmao

[heady nova]

i wouldn't let that slide if i were you tbh

[faint whale]

he's overexaggerating. The sentence is completely fine, though it would probably only be written instead of spoken, maybe that's where he got the "not so fluid" idea from but even then it doesn't sound choppy to me

[tough ruin]

It's perfectly fine. The only things I might suggest are to put a comma after "rate" (optional but makes the sentence look/flow better in my opinion) and change "with few mistakes" to "without many mistakes" or "with only a few mistakes". "With few" isn't wrong, but it sounds a little less natural.

[random moon]

The Iron Crown at Sea
In the evening of this happening,
I saw a being, so farseeing, that was flattering.

It was in the maelstrom of the tide,
Where in my own ship's light, brought upon to guide,
Beaconed a beam, far and wide;
There stood in the rough of the sea, a being — pure and demure,
Far it was, with sparkling yellow that had procured,
And had stole the fires of the heavens in its grandeur,
What beauty! I feared: a clear brochure.

Hardly at hand, the yellow that was my guide, treasoned to Poseidon's reason.
The blood-dimmed tide stood at large;
The night, without light, chilled me, filled me, and feared me,
With the horrors of a closed gate with no sky or sea...
A rumbling began, of some degree.
The jaws of death, clamped near, in the gyre of my situation, oh so dire!
Yet that petit iron hull, beckoned in darkness, drew nearer, drew clearer
Pitiless, and innocent that ship had been in my head's mirror,
Oh! It'll be my soul and that ship's soul in this sea of terror.
Now and forever; what an error.

That ship, drawing ever nearer, crowned me: it was the seafarer!
The coronation of innocence had been drowned, as I found,
For that ship of innocence had now enlarged in the foreground;
Steeped everywhere ahead, an iron colossus — headed 'round;
The colours from afar had lost compound,
And then up above there came colours...for this colossus returned its fires all around;
But gone in an instant, fearing this ship,
And what of its partnership?

I lumbered away from my post to give, in hopes of support, a toast,
That ship, so empty, so bare, still slumbered and wondered my way round;
How nearer it comes, how closer I am to be drowned!
Then the tides broke loose upon me, from top to toe.
A great whisper came from ahead,
Iron fangs had collapsed into jagged rocks: they were dead
Slumbering still so sulkingly,
It had no resemblance of being lovingly
Still, this iron colossus had broke the tide and rocks with immense pride,
Yet, I knew why I had survived!

Within the hull, clear, as it flew,
Those Imperial values:
The red, white, and the blue.

[olive ravine]

Throughout junior high, I faced a mix of experiences that shaped who I am today. I navigated my first romance, which was thrilling yet challenging. However, I also
 struggled with feelings of depression and anxiety, especially as I dealt with the loss of friends. These ups and downs taught me valuable lessons about vulnerability and the importance of reaching out for support during tough times. Each experience, both positive and negative, contributed to my understanding of myself and my emotions.```

can anyone can correct my english this is from chat gpt and make it humanize please

[proper sapphire]

you asked an AI to write a text for you, then you ask a human to fix the text for you ... without doing anything yourself?

[crimson nimbus]

I hope you mean that you wrote this, had the AI proofread this, and then turned to us for this. Because if an AI wrote this and you're asking us to proofread it, that's just not your work at all chum.

[somber lantern]

It wasn’t just one person who made me feel this way; it was everyone. It was a pattern that followed me like a shadow I couldn’t shake off. I have spent my whole life giving my time, energy, and love because I believed it would make me valued, yet it never seemed enough.

I’ve always been the dependable one, the person others called while at their lowest. My friends knew I slept with my notifications every night, ready to answer a text or call at any hour. It didn’t matter if it was 3 a.m. on a school night or the middle of a workday; I was constantly there offering advice, listening, and comfort. I made it my goal to be the glue for everyone, the one who wouldn’t run when the storm came.

At first, I didn’t mind. I felt a sense of purpose, knowing I could brighten someone's day, even for a minute. Whenever someone came to me with their burdens, I took them on as my own, believing I was strong enough to carry them. And for a while, I did. But slowly, without me realizing it, those burdens began to pile. Each crisis I took on weighed on me like invisible weights in my pockets. What once felt like a strength began to feel overwhelming.

Eventually, my breaking point was reached. No matter how much I gave, how hard I tried, or how deeply I cared, it never seemed to be enough. Friends would text when they needed advice but rarely asked me how my day was. I took on the most complex task at work to prove myself a good worker, yet no compliments.

It wasn’t just that people failed to notice my efforts; it was that I had begun to believe maybe I was the issue. Maybe I wasn’t giving enough, maybe I was giving too much, maybe I tried too hard to be worthy of them. So, I continued to give more. I spent more and more time offering every vulnerable part of me, thinking that if I just kept doing more, I would finally feel wanted how I wanted to.

That one Tuesday night, I found myself sitting at my desk, unable to move. I had just spent months giving everything I could, pouring my heart into everyone around me, pushing myself to be perfect for them, and trying to improve in every way I thought I needed to. But, as I sat there frozen, its weight hit me like a wave. The continuous giving, the striving to be enough for someone, and the constant need to meet everyone’s expectations had finally become too much. My mind felt numb, and I could only stare at my keyboard glowing blue in front of me, wondering how I allowed myself to get to this point.

The realization hit me hard that night. I had been giving so much of myself that I had forgotten who I truly was. Somewhere along the years, in trying to be everything for everyone, I had lost my sense of identity. I had become fixated on the idea of being enough for someone, and I never stopped to realize how it affected me. The real me was replaced by a version that lived only to obey others.

Ultimately, I came to realize that no matter how much I poured into someone or the sacrifices I made, I couldn’t make someone love me like I loved them. In attempting to be the best version of myself for others, I lost what it felt like to love myself because I relied on others' love to feel whole. Over time, I learned you can not force love. If it was meant to happen, it should be chosen, not earned.

*** can someone just read this and give feebackk

[queen wedge]

Some changes I'd make:

"...who made me feel this way; it was everyone." ⟶ "...who made me feel this way: it was everyone."

"or the middle of a workday; I was constantly there..." ⟶ "or the middle of a workday: I was constantly there..."

For parallelism: "...I was constantly there offering my advice, ears, and comfort." Or, "...I was constantly there advising, listening, and comforting."

"...even for a minute" ⟶ "even if it was for just a minute."

(Just a stylistic choice) "Each crisis I took on weighed on me like invisible weights in my pockets." ⟶ "Each crisis I dealt added phantom weights in my pockets."

"...yet no compliments" ⟶ "...yet received no compliments."

Btw, you write so good. I love your use of parallelism, anaphora, and listing!

& also, your essay has a lot of good descriptions, and at the same time, an acerbic style in some places, which I like!

Honestly your use of the semicolon kind of confused me because the way you chose to use it in some places is not how I'd personally use it. I'm pretty sure the way you use it is right but I haven't seen it being used the way you do that often, but idk!

For example: "It wasn’t just that people failed to notice my efforts; it was that I had begun to believe maybe I was the issue."

Idk how I'd describe it but it just feels slightly off for me. I think maybe someone else has an explanation? But anyways, I would've said something like: "It wasn't just that people failed to notice my effort, but that I had begun to believe maybe I was the issue." Or, "It wasn't just that people failed to notice my effort. I had begun to believe that maybe I was the issue."

[somber lantern]

oh i thinks my grammarly automatically fixed that one for me 😭

[queen wedge]

It’s probably right tbh.

But I stopped using Grammarly bc I don’t trust it.

[proper sapphire]

I'm pretty sure all the semicolon usages are already correct, and shouldn't be changed to colons

[abstract pulsar]

Hi! I'm currently writing for this award at my school and we have to write on our passion for maths and why we deserve it.

Mathematics is a universal language understood by all types of people around the world, connecting us from all ages and diverse backgrounds. There are so many formulas and concepts to mathematics that we are still trying to uncover today — this depth not only captivates me but also fuels my desire to understand its intricacies at a deeper level.

My passion for mathematics blossomed from a young age — when the bustling world around me seemed too complicated and chaotic to understand, the numbers on my page came together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Growing up as the youngest child in an Asian household, I often found myself under the heavy weight of expectations that are placed on my academic abilities; having an older brother who excelled in areas such as Physics and Maths often made me feel inadequate. His name became a benchmark and his achievements often casted a shadow over me. I was determined to prove myself and create my own path. What started as a quest to prove myself and validate my feelings, slowly transformed into a genuine, profound passion, where I felt like mathematics allowed me to fully utilise my skills. For the first time, I felt seen.

At school, I am placed in the Maths Academic Enrichment program which fosters a stimulating atmosphere amongst other just-as-passionate students. Although preparing for the tests can sometimes be stressful, I find myself enjoying it and am eager to learn more about the infinite possibilities of the subject. When encountering difficult questions, I always chose to persevere and keep going until I reached a solution. All these hardships and challenges all shape who I became today. This drive allowed me to rank first in the program. When you enjoy something, you find yourself putting more hours into that topic. This passionate journey urged me to join the Have Sum Fun maths competition to compete against students from other schools who share the same desire to challenge themselves. Furthermore, I also participated in the Australian Maths Competition (AMC) every year which opened my eyes to many new problems I have yet to solve and even managed to place distinction in Year 9.

I further extend myself to pursue maths even outside of school, getting extra tuition, which allows me to further build my problem-solving abilities. Along with getting tutored, I also love to extend my help to other people, becoming a tutor myself. I work at Kumon part-time to help kids build a stronger understanding and knowledge towards math, sharing this passion with the younger generation. When I found myself demonstrating my passion to others, I notice that although I divided my passion while helping others, it only seemed to multiply my interest. I would also search up past papers to do in my free time, along with deriving formulas until late at night to fully understand it’s depth, acknowledging why the formula came to be.

This multidimensional subject sets out to a specific and direct answer. However, we all are able to showcase our individuality and uniqueness of expressing our route of how we reach the solution. My passion for mathematics came in the form of f(𝓍) = 2^x, where at 15, the equation’s vertical shift became the defining factor in my growth. The further I delved into the subject, I became more intrigued about the “why” that’s underlying in many concepts and formulas; the time I spent deriving them felt equivalent to realising that your extremely complex-looking equation produces a whole number. Each “why” fuelled my growth and passion, causing it to skyrocket on the exponential graph. I believe that maths isn’t just about getting the right answers, but rather about how you take in the topic and take time to comprehend the aspects that creates it. It is such an fascinating subject that always manages to creep up into all the other subjects I encounter. I vividly remember the great rush of joy that surged through me during my first ever Math exam when I had realised the connection between two seemingly unrelated subjects. The answer seemed to flow onto my page, and the numbers came to life with vibrant colours.

Thank you for your time and consideration

[queen wedge]

Yes! But the colon is more appropriate in some places.

[proper sapphire]

"...who made me feel this way; it was everyone." ⟶ "...who made me feel this way: it was everyone."

I feel like this doesn't look right with a colon. That's just how I see it though. I've read up on how to use colons and semicolons but never personally use them myself. Would spend too much time checking if I used them right lol

[queen wedge]

Personally I'd make "when the bustling world around me..." its own sentence.

"who excelled in areas such as Physics and Maths" ⟶ "who excelled in areas like physics and maths"

"At school, I am placed in the Maths Academic Enrichment program which..." ⟶ "At school, I was in the Maths Academic Enrichment program, which..."

"enjoying it and am eager..." ⟶ "enjoying it, and I am eager..."

"who I became today..." ⟶ "who I have become today."

I'd make this its own paragraph:

When you enjoy something, you find yourself putting more hours into that topic. This passionate journey urged me to join the Have Sum Fun maths competition to compete against students from other schools who share the same desire to challenge themselves. Furthermore, I also participated in the Australian Maths Competition (AMC) every year which opened my eyes to many new problems I have yet to solve and even managed to place distinction in Year 9.

"every year which opened my eyes to many new problems I have yet to solve and even managed to place distinction in Year 9." ⟶ "every year, which opened my eyes to many new problems I have yet to solve, and even managed to place distinction in year 9."

I'd just keep it as: "stronger understanding of maths"

"I notice that although..." ⟶ "I noticed that although..."

"understand it's depth..." ⟶ "understand its depth..."

I think you should avoid beginning a paragraph with "this." The way I imagine it is that since a new paragraph begins a new idea, when you use "this" you're kind of implying something already said, when I feel like it needs to be more clear than "this," at least for your first sentence. So maybe: "Mathematics, this multidimensional subject, sets out to a specific and direct answer."

Where you wrote function notation, I'd probably italicise it.

"such an fascinating..." ⟶ "such a fascinating..."

"first ever Math exam..." ⟶ "first ever maths exam..."

"Thank you for your time and consideration**.**"

You are a really good writer. In like grade 6 I wrote something like you did but it was for phys ed. but it was nowhere near as good. 😭

Idk what the rules f/ the contest are but one general suggestion is that you should be more descriptive and maybe use figurative language more? Only bc you're so good at it.

[queen wedge]

Lol, I'm the opposite. Ig our experiences in English both say different things. 😌

[abstract pulsar]

omg tysmm!!

[storm glen]

Can you guess the title of this poem?

In the hush of twilight’s embrace,
Where shadows weave their gentle lace,
I seek a quiet place to dwell,
A hidden nook, a soft farewell.

Like whispers lost in autumn's breath,
I yearn for moments, quiet as death,
To slip away from the bustling throng,
To find the note in a silent song.

In the folds of night, a wish takes flight,
To fade like stars in the morning light,
Not gone, but woven into the mist,
A fleeting thought, a quiet tryst.

Let me drift like leaves on a stream,
A passing thought, a distant dream,
Not saying goodbye, but simply being,
In the stillness where hearts are freeing.

So here I linger, on the edge of sight,
A shadow dancing in the soft twilight,
Not to vanish, but to quietly roam,
In the tender spaces we call home.

[queen wedge]

Dreams of Twilight?

The Dream of the Unseen?

[heady nova]

The unspoken desires?

[hollow berry]

"Sleep Well" 😳

[west tree]

can someone help me please

[visual pagoda]

Can you tell me exactly what parts of this sentence is wrong and why it is grammatically wrong: The bigger the drops are or the more heavily the rain is falling, the more strongly the stress is.

[hollow berry]

you probably would say "stronger" 👀

[chilly jackal]

Hi..I’m writing a script for story telling..comments and corrections are welcomed

My future dream
Let me tell you about my dream, I want to be an AI expert. As we all knew, big countries are competiting in AI technology development. Our country is a big country so I hope by being an AI expert,I can bring our country into global competition and also as a high class profession.An AI expert can help to solve many tasks more faster, more efficient,and more effective.To be an AI expert, I have to master mathematics, statistics, computer science, and programming.So from now on,I will push myself to learn hard and harder, hopefully i can achieve my dream.Thank you for watching my video and bye-bye.

[queen wedge]

1. My Future Dream
   “Let me tell you about my dream: I want to be an AI expert.”
   “Hopefully, I will achieve my dream.”

[chilly jackal]

Million thanksss

[chilly jackal]

Thanks a million*^

[compact shore]

Definition of an artwork and its worth:

Every product of an action is art. Each receiver's conscious (or subconscious) decision of deciding an artwork's worth is decided by the strength of resonance perceived by the receiver and if they appreciate said resonance, while each individual being differently influenced by the "objective" factors: Mastery and time invested by the producer(s) (artist(s)).
The strength of resonance (or strength of emotional response) not only is exceedingly diverse in the receiving audience, but also is mercurial by nature: Being affected by emotional state, experiences, exposure to other products, etc. .

I welcome any grammar mistake correction or rephrasing of "weird English"

[queen wedge]

"it's worth" ⟶ "its worth"
"(sub-)conscious" ⟶ "conscious (or subconscious)"
"perceived by the receiver and" ⟶ "perceived by the receiver**.**"

If they appreciate said resonance, which is influenced by objective factors such as mastery and time put in by the producer or artist, the strength of resonance (or strength of emotional response) not only is exceedingly diverse, but is also mercurical by nature: being affected by emotional state, experiences, exposure to other products, etc.

I am not sure if I did a good job editing your last sentence. I feel like it's a bit long and hard to understand. You should maybe try separating those ideas across two sentences.

[compact shore]

Thanks a lot 🤘
Yeah ... phrasing the whole thing was hard and took quite some time, since it really is quite complicated to explain. This might be a bit better:

Definition of an artwork and its worth:

Every product of an action is art. Each receiving individual's conscious (or subconscious) decision of deciding an artwork's worth is decided by the strength of resonance perceived by the receiver and if said resonance is deemed to be positive or negative.
The strength of resonance (or strength of emotional response) not only is exceedingly diverse in the receiving audience, but also is mercurial by nature: being affected by emotional state, experiences, exposure to other products, etc. .
The interpretation of mentioned resonance is dissimilar from one person to the other, while one might find fascination or a kind of thrill in eeriness, others feel negative towards it. So while both sides might have the same amount of resonance, said resonance is perceived in two contrary ways.

Each individuals perception of "worth" also is influenced to different extents by "objective" factors: mastery and time invested by the producer(s) (artist(s)).

[queen wedge]

Whoa- this is rlly academic. Is this for school or something?

[compact shore]

Nah I kinda ... just wanted to do it😂

[queen wedge]

I guess if it's for school it makes sense why your vocabulary is quite academic, but it isn't and for a different intended audience then I would suggest elaborating on certain concepts or word choices before using them.

For example, where you write, "each receiver' conscious (or subconscious decision)..." I feel like most people will understand you mean people who are observing art, but it isn't very direct and kind of...abstract?

[compact shore]

I wrote game and album reviews that took me over 3 hours before and ... so some might say that it's a hobby of mine

[queen wedge]

I suppose you could also clarify what is meant by "strength of resonance." Is that how someone feels about an art (how it relates to them, its message, the impact on them, etc.)?

[queen wedge]

Oh! Well then if the vocabulary your using is understood by ppl in that area then I guess it's fine!

[compact shore]

Well not all art is to be observed, so there's the first problem

[queen wedge]

I would also suggest keeping what you've presented as one paragraph and to not capitalise after a colon, since you're just listing.

[compact shore]

I know that it's abstract, it took me some time to find a word for "the audience" but singular, I chose receiver

[compact shore]

gotcha!

[queen wedge]

You can definitely use it. I would probably clarify by explaining what I exactly meant before transitioning to that word choice, but that's just me.

It's really good, though! However, as somebody who's just reading the text, I think it is a bit difficult to understand what you're trying to say.

[compact shore]

I later wrote emotional response but this isn't that good of a word in my opinion. One can be heavily affected by something without having an emotional response

Like thinking about an interesting concept or an artwork that has a lot of room for interpretation. This wouldn't be an emotional reaction

[compact shore]

Alright thanks a ton! I'll look into the things you've said

[queen wedge]

Ooo!

[queen wedge]

Thank you! :) Good luck. You write very well!!

[compact shore]

I wrote " Each receiving person's individual's conscious ..." to make it a bit more clear

[compact shore]

Thanks, I appreciate it a lot : )

[queen wedge]

🦋

[wanton field]

hey yall, im a student in 9th grade honors lit and need someone who has read the book to kill a mockingbird to read my essay. I would prefer an upperclassman (11th-12th) grade, or even someone such as a current or former teacher. Please shoot me a dm and I would be so greatful for someone to check my essay as I am worried about it. thanks :)))))

[queen wedge]

Hi. I’d love to (grade 10 if that’s okay)!!

[ancient sparrow]

Hello, is be formal than get?

[umbral marlin]

hi

guys

I need a help

[median olive]

What do you need help with?

[night aspen]

hello

im new

@night aspen

[median olive]

Hi! Welcome to the English Hub! I’m new, too.

[night aspen]

ok

[queen wedge]

Hi! Wdym?

[median olive]

Arthur’s asking if the word “be” is more formal than the word “get”.

[median olive]

Yes; “be” is more formal, but they have different definitions.

[queen wedge]

oh

[queen wedge]

is it proofreading?

[dense magnet]

I'd just change it to "the more the rain is falling"

[median olive]

Please do not correct people when they’re right and you’re wrong. The message you were “fixing” was sent a long time ago and there was no need to correct it nor ping the speaker. You don’t know everything. Please stop thinking you’re so good.

[stark plover]

Hello!! I’m new in this community. Please help to advise me to use this app for improve my english skill.

[median olive]

Hii! Welcome! I’m new too!

[stark plover]

I’m not sure, Can we practice skill in this app? Right?

Because I join in this app and this community because I want to practice my English skill.

[queen wedge]

yes ofc

Theres different channels for different things

This channel is for proofreading which is when someone looks at what you have wrote to check for mistakes or changes to make it better

[stark plover]

Ok, I hope all member will help me to practice my skill🥹. Because I think my english skill is not good. But I need to improve that.

[queen wedge]

awww ofc we all will ;)

If u need help with pronunciation or proofreading or anything then I can always help and a lot of other really nice people as well

If you want someone to check if what you wrote is correct or want them to make it nicer then send it in this channel specifically

[stark plover]

Thank youuuu🫶🏻

[dense magnet]

I can already tell what type of person you are from that response. There was no need to respond like that

I helped which this server was and is meant for

[median olive]

You were not helping at all and you know it

[median olive]

I can tell that you’re the type of person that says “No actually it’s 1 millileter more”

[dense magnet]

I'm not, the person asked a question and no one responded. I like to go back through the chats randomly because some people's questions get ignored (its happened to me a few times). I'm sorry if that's not allowed genuinely even though it's not wrong

Anyway, let's not argue anymore. This chat is not meant for that

I'm sorry if I annoyed you but I didn't mean for that to happen, it was an innocent act

[dense magnet]

Out of curiosity, how was I not helping?

[median olive]

Again, the message you were “correcting” was from a long time ago and no longer needed to be answered. Pinging the speaker made it even worse.

[dense magnet]

Nobody responded though

(I went through the chat)

[median olive]

I know that

it was still outdated though

[dense magnet]

Tbh, I didn't even check the date and they could have already got the answer they wanted so you're right

Just so you know, if that does happen again I'll check the date but if no one has responded then I'll help if I can

Even if it was from a while ago, it still deserves an answer

Oh yeah, just to add, I definitely don't know everything at all so I don't think I'm good

[median olive]

There were lots of comments in between their question and your answer, and you definitely think you’re good because this isn’t the first time you’e done this. I will no longer reply to you as it’s useless but please stop correcting people when it isn’t needed.

[dense magnet]

So be it

[queen wedge]

guys can u not fight

this is proofreading

[twin girder]

Anyone need anything proofread?

[lime apex]

Hello can someone proofread this and help me improve it

Article
You have heard about a school that allows the children to decide which subjects they are taught.
You have decided to write an article to give your views about this idea for your school magazines
Here are two comments from other young people:
“I only want to study things that interest me”
“It’s just not practical in a large school”

My writing:
Freedom of choosing subjects: Beneficial or Harmful?

Nowadays modern schools have given freedom to their students to choose their subjects; this has positive and negative aspects.

Let's be honest: We’ve all had to study subjects that we don't exactly thrive in. Well, this new policy can open doors for students who have a specific mindset, goal and passion in a certain major. This allows students to unlock their creativity and have a positive attitude towards school.

However, whilst this may be suitable for the majority of students; some students could struggle with having all the opportunities handed to them on a silver platter. Stressful right? The future pathway may be unclear to students therefore can cause the fear of regret in the near future.

In conclusion, this new ‘policy’ of providing students with the freedom to choose their subjects may be beneficial to some and may cause harm to others… The challenge I have for you is to ask yourself; will this truly benefit you and the career path you decided on or will this have a negative impact towards you?

[long forge]

Hiya, grammar adjustments are in red.

[hollow berry]

sounds traditional. 🤔

0. do you really need the capital'd "Harmful"?
1. (paragraph 1, line 1) the semicolon is acceptable
2. (p. 1, l. 2) "both" is optional
3. (p. 2, l. 1) no need to move the "in" to the middle of the sentence, though "in which" is a good option

[long forge]

I understand your input, DeeDee, but I'm focusing on the student who asked for help. I get it, you have an utmost desire to ensure that everything is perfect, but I am certain that the corrections I made are sufficient. In all honesty, I have to admit that there tends to be a lot of heavily detailed critique in the proofreading and english-questions channels, which can sometimes feel pedantic and unnecessary. You and another person (of who I will not name) tend to do this the most (even towards native English learners) and all it really does in the long run is steer away from the purpose of helping one another in the first place.

I hope you can understand. xx

[rustic linden]

can someone help proofread my great gatsby essay

[queen wedge]

I wish I could help omg

My English teacher said we’re reading that next year

[hollow berry]

ong
I mean, the 3 lines below comprise my defence:

1. I provided alternative answers, and didn't invalidate any other proofreading attempts!
2. proofreading can be a team effort - and it has been, for this channel.
3. wait, was the point here not to become pedantic, in case the actual readers of what we're improving are pedantic themselves?

[lime apex]

thank youu

[lime apex]

thank youu

[hollow berry]

good luck with your article :)

[long forge]

[long forge]

I’d love to help. Feel free to send it over in DMs

[long forge]

We’re clearly on different pages here. My goal is to keep things efficient for the student who asked for help, without adding unnecessary details.

No one asked for alternative answers. You know that. Providing them was unnecessary as my corrections were already sufficient.

I feel like you’re missing the point here. I do appreciate the idea of teamwork, but not every proofreading session requires rounds of input. As I mentioned before, it can easily defeat the purpose of helping people in the first place and may lead to disputes, which I’ve seen time and time again in these channels.

[hollow berry]

we're literally on different pages, evidently.

[lime apex]

Hello #📝｜proofreading could someone proof read my report, and tell me what areas i need to improve in, and how to up-level some of my sentences or gain marks for content and language

The questions asks to write a report to my teacher, about the science exhibition we went to as a class, the question also includes two comments from other classmates, one being "I liked meeting the scientists" and the other "it was a long day!"

Report: Science Exhibition Trip

Last week, our class went to the science exhibition, which was quite an enriching yet thrilling event. We were presented with many opportunities to see various exhibits of scientific inventions. The exhibit was very informative and interactive! The staff and experts there welcomed us all with open arms, and scientists gave enthusiastic educational presentations related to science inventions.

Positive feedback
Amongst all this, what made the day so special was meeting a real scientist who took the time out of his day to explain to us all about fascinating science. We loved his talk, it felt so genuine! Other than that, we were able to stroll around for several hours, looking at all the interesting inventions and presentations; truly a lovely experience.

Suggestion
Whilst the day was filled with fun, a few suggestions for improvement were raised; it was exhausting at times and some students felt that the duration was too long, making the experience monotonous. We strolled around for several hours, and by then, drained all our energy. Therefore we would suggest in the future; to add plenty of seating areas, and throughout the tour and visit to include minor breaks to regain our energy, power and strength.

To sum up, it was well worth the visit, we benefited and gained interesting knowledge and even sparked curiosity among many of us. We would love to come back and revisit this exhibit, hopefully by then, breaks and plenty of rest will be included.

[queen wedge]

“an enriching yet thrilling event” ⟶ “an enriching and thrilling event”
“The exhibit was very...” ⟶ “The exhibits were very”

“and scientists gave enthusiastic educational presentations related to scientific inventions.”⟶ “and the scientists gave enthusiastic and educational presentations on scientific inventions.”

“We loved his talk, it felt so genuine!” ⟶ “We loved his talk**:** it felt so genuine!”
“presentations; truly a lovely experience.” ⟶ “presentations; it truly was a lovely experience”

(You have a weird space in your suggestions section).

“and by then, drained all our energy.” ⟶ “and by then, had drained all our energy.”

“Therefore we would suggest in the future; to add plenty of seating areas, and throughout the tour and visit to include minor breaks to regain our energy, power and strength. ” ⟶ “Therefore**,** I would suggest that enough seating is added, and to allow minor breaks to regain our energy, power, and strength throughout the tour. ”

“To sum up, it was well worth the visit, we benefited and gained interesting knowledge and even sparked curiosity among many of us. ” ⟶ “To sum up, it was well worth the visit. We benefited and gained interesting knowledge**,** and it even sparked curiosity among many of us.”

“We would love to come back and revisit this exhibit, hopefully by then, breaks and plenty of rest will be included.”⟶ “We would love to come back and revisit this exhibit**;** hopefully by then, breaks and plenty of rest will be included.”

Oh, one last thing. If you have a header (a mini title, basically), like, “Positive Feedback,” you should capitalise the “f.”

You write really well! :)

If you want to make it even better then I would add more descriptive language and explain certain parts more. What particular exhibitions did you visit? What did the building look like? What did you see that you liked? What was his talk about? What else did they do well, and what else did they do not so well (you could maybe discuss more about the exhibitions)?

It's a report on a trip so ig you still want to be concise, yet, descriptive.

& in my opinion your grammar is pretty much perfect. The only small changes you should work on are ensuring you use the semicolon correctly & avoiding comma splices.

[lime apex]

thank you so much for you're feedback, it was very helpful!

[vernal rivet]

lurks in proofreading chat

[queen wedge]

https://tenor.com/view/my-queen-telescope-binoculars-gif-15005826

[timber lantern]

Is this description alright or does it sound too forced?

This cartoon depicts a woman of Caucasian descent, wearing a red dress and equally colored high heels. She is standing inside a fitting room located in a Zara store, judging from the curtain covering the scene and adding an additional layer of privacy to the atmosphere. Due to originally intending to inspect the way she looks like wearing the clothes she presumably considers buying, she is observing her own reflection in a mirror, terrified by the picture unfolding before her eyes: The woman’s reflection is replaced by an entirely different image, namely a boy of what appears to be Asian heritage, taking into account the tone of his skin and his black hair. He is perched on a chair and is currently busy sewing together a red piece of clothing that is supposed to resemble the very dress the woman described initially is wearing. Moreover, the boy’s expression looks lugubrious and tired; through an open window in his room the night sky is to be seen clearly, hinting at the fact he has likely spent the whole day conducting this type of labor and explaining the tiredness in his eyes. While the fitting room is brightly illuminated and certainly comfortable to look at, few light is shed onto the boy’s workspace. These vastly distinct levels of illumination further juxtapose the conspicuous contrast between the atmospheres present within both rooms depicted in the cartoon. Furthermore, the woman shies away from what she is gazing at, her posture and facial expression both conveying a genuine expression of shock.

[queen wedge]

Is there context on what this is about?

Were you looking for authorial choices in a cartoon?

[heady nova]

Hi Lizzie

[timber lantern]

We're meant to write a cartoon analysis in some imminent test so I wanted to practice

[queen wedge]

(HI!!!!)

[timber lantern]

I can also provide the rest of my progress if needed

[queen wedge]

What type of analysis?

Like are you just observing what's happening in the cartoon and comparing it with other events or choices made by the director in the cartoon?

[timber lantern]

Are there multiple? It was introduced to us as merely a 'cartoon analysis'

[queen wedge]

I guess there are different approaches to it, but I think I see what you're trying to do.

[timber lantern]

I'm initially describing the scene, then describe the cartoonist's intentions and lastly come up with an evaluation summarizing the cartoon's contents and briefly providing my own opinion

[queen wedge]

I read it and it looks fine to me.

[timber lantern]

Alright, thanks!

[queen wedge]

I would probably add a concluding sentence and instead of beginning with "this cartoon," I would specifically refer to the text itself, and the director.

[queen wedge]

Ofc. It's amazing! :)

It taught me a new word too: lugubrious. Ty for that.

[timber lantern]

Oh yeah, usually I'd do that though I had no information on this cartoon specifically. It's just one generic sentence most of the time anyway

[timber lantern]

I learned it just recently as well. Currently trying to elevate my vocab usage

[queen wedge]

Sorry, by text I meant cartoon! But I see!

[queen wedge]

It's amazing!! When I write I like to try to add one or two new words or fancy words just so I'm building my vocabulary, too!

[timber lantern]

Doing the same thing currently. My teacher isn't the biggest fan of it, though.

Not only is this cartoon meant to criticize fast fashion and excessive consumerism, it also aims to critique corporations fostering such trends and especially the obliviousness as well as lack of action widely spread among major parts of the Western population.
The two individuals in the cartoon are clearly supposed to represent their respective roles in society. Hence, the woman is representative of the average consumer residing in any industrial country while the boy’s situation resembles the sad and cruel circumstances kids in developing countries are ofttimes required to endure growing up. This is why it quickly becomes evident that the cartoonist uses stereotyping to convey his message more clearly and highlight the stark contrast between living conditions of the stereotypes in question. It quickly becomes apparent, looking at this cartoon, that life is highly unjust, considering that the mere place of birth oftentimes not only restricts but even dictates the way one is able to live their life.

The cartoonist’s next points touch upon how society is at fault for allowing and even fostering such inequalities as well as exacerbating the existing problem.
Thus, this cartoon uses irony to critique the majority of consumers: The egregious working conditions behind fast fashion should be well known to most people by now. The woman kept following this trend, nonetheless, probably repressing this cruel reality to alleviate her own conscience — mainly because she enjoyed consumption and the clothing articles in question were very affordable. Therefore, the irony lies in her expression of shock upon first handedly witnessing the consequences of her actions. Her role of the average consumer is with no doubt retained throughout this incident, showcasing the way consumers are seemingly oblivious to the side effects of fast fashion or simply do not care initially, resulting in this type of shock.

The cartoonist, however, calls out one more faction responsible for the previously listed misconducts:
Large fashion labels like Zara, in this specific example, are criticized for promoting fast fashion without intervening or doing anything remotely close to relieving the workers’ conditions, not even going as far as to prevent utilization of child labor.
In summary, the cartoonist did a good job creating a cartoon that operates on not only one but multiple layers of criticism. Therefore, he achieved a decent delivery of his message: While the cartoonist condemns inhumane working conditions including child labor, he also challenges us consumers to change our own behavior. Despite the ubiquitous and inevitable nature of suffering, all of us can contribute something to decreasing the current situation’s cruelty, lying in the fact that child labor exists while fast fashion and the labels responsible further promote it. We ought to recontemplate our own consumerism and become more aware of both our own behavior and its influence on others who are in a position that leaves them unable to control or influence their own fate.

Here's the full text in case you're interested.

[queen wedge]

Why? They should be.

I mean writing should be formal not fancy and I'm sure that adding one or two fancier words wouldn't do much.

[queen wedge]

Would you like this to be proofread?

[timber lantern]

She's claiming using sophisticated words sounds too artificial or something like that

[queen wedge]

She's right if it's overdone.

Using one or two is fine but more than that, I would agree, is too much.

[timber lantern]

If you have the time, sure. A general impression will surely suffice, though

[queen wedge]

It definitely makes it seem artificial or like it's missing a link from the audience; that the style is out of touch, but in all honesty, you rlly don't do that so...

[queen wedge]

It's really good.

[queen wedge]

Just make sure you use the semicolon correctly & look for spelling. I like how you're very straight and forthright with your writing (a lot of cause and effect words) but that makes your writing seem more artificial, which is what you were worrying about. For example, you use “hence” close together, and, you use a lot of “therefore.” It's very good but sometimes not using it or having alternatives makes your writing more clear and readable. Check, also, that you stay in one tense. Finally, I would probably add transition sentence at the end of each paragraph or a “summary sentence.”

[timber lantern]

Thank you very much!

[queen wedge]

Oh and, since it's an academic analysis (I think), you shouldn't use words like “we.”

[timber lantern]

good point

[queen wedge]

Srry, this is not very specific. If you want specific examples of what I mean, I can do that!

[timber lantern]

Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I ought to have replaced one hence with thus and acknowledge that using that type of word too profusely creates said effect. Gonna keep this in mind for the future

[timber lantern]

Currently I'm in 10th grade learning English so I'm not sure whether I'd consider the expectations, at least, academic

[queen wedge]

& on ambiguity, here's one example:

Despite the ubiquitous and inevitable nature of suffering, all of us can contribute something to decreasing the current situation’s cruelty.

It is difficult to understand what you mean by “the current situation's cruelty.” Is it fash fashion's cruelty or excessive consumerism or capitalism or something else?

[timber lantern]

yet another great point

I was mainly implying a combination of fast fashion and consumerism alongside lack of awareness/action further exacerbating the problem

[queen wedge]

Oh, and since this is an analysis, as much as you want to find deeper meaning and purpose in the text that comes from you, you are looking at what's happening in the cartoon, so you ought to still signify that you're hanging onto the analysis in the last two sentences. However, even I'm not sure if that's what I do bc I like how it sounds atm...

[queen wedge]

Yay!! You can specify now. :)

[timber lantern]

I'll try to refine this tomorrow, pretty tired right now (It's 1:28 AM)

Anyway, thanks a lot for your invaluable feedback!

[queen wedge]

I actually got in trouble from my Eng. teacher about this. I was using my personal lenses too much in one part and according to her didn't really focus on the analysis. But, really, it was my word choices that made it seem that way and not the writing itself.

[queen wedge]

Omg. You should sleep. 😭

[queen wedge]

https://tenor.com/view/alice-in-wonderland-curtsy-gif-13024256001734918362

[timber lantern]

Yeah, good night.

[timber lantern]

Alright, I might have missed a few things yet this is the refined analysis

[queen wedge]

It's good! :)

This is just me being picky but you should change the semicolon to the comma and where you use the hyphen change it to this: —.

[timber lantern]

oh, thanks for the notice - I overlooked the semicolon.

[queen wedge]

You should maybe refer to the cartoon itself more directly. For example, when you write: “The two individuals in the cartoon are clearly supposed to represent their respective roles in society,” what features in the cartoon tell you that they're clearly supposed to represent that? What respective roles in society?

Or here:

This is why it quickly becomes evident that the cartoonist uses stereotyping to convey his message more clearly

What stereotypes are in the cartoon? You should maybe directly reference those features to strengthen your argument.

[timber lantern]

I elaborated upon their roles in society in the next sentence, I believe. And the stereotyping is referring to the fact that the woman represents the average (stereotypical) consumer while the boy feeds into the stereotype that child labor is commonly utilized in primarily Asian countries.

[queen wedge]

Don't begin a new paragraph with “thus” because a paragraph begins a new idea, and so using a word like that doesn't match the quality a paragraph should have. I'd add a topic sentence.

Oh, and you should preferably not capitalise after a colon.

[timber lantern]

good points

I believe I used "thus" to link the paragraph to the conclusion of the prior one

[queen wedge]

Oh, I see. But what features in the cartoon tell you that they represent the stereotypical consumer and that the boy is an exemplar of child labour?

[timber lantern]

This was part of the description I sent in the beginning.

[queen wedge]

Then it should not be a new paragraph.

It is important for a paragraph to have flow, yes, but it should still have that distinctive feeling to it.

[timber lantern]

albeit I could have stated it more clearly, I assume

[queen wedge]

Oh! Thank you! :)

I didn't realise that.

[timber lantern]

Ok, good to know. I usually don't work with paragraphs that much so I will keep that info in mind

[timber lantern]

I ought to have mentioned it, my bad

[queen wedge]

Honestly with this phrase:

...The cartoonist’s next points touch upon how society is at fault for allowing and even fostering such inequalities as well as exacerbating the existing problem.

Thus, this cartoon uses irony to critique the majority of consumers: The egregious working conditions behind fast fashion should be well known to most people by now...

It makes more sense to me to make your first sentence in the second paragraph part of the previous paragraph.

[timber lantern]

great idea, I'll adjust it

[queen wedge]

OMG NO WAY

SAMEEEE

WE'RE ENGLISH TWINS

[timber lantern]

Cool

Now you gotta learn German while I keep focusing on English

But, seriously, thanks so much for all the great tips. I suppose this taught me much more than the last 10 English lessons, candidly. After all, this is much more productive than repeating modal verbs for the hundredth time .

[queen wedge]

Lolllllllllll

it was my pleasure ;)

[visual pagoda]

Need a grammar check please:1.You must hide the password to allow others to not see it.2.You must hide the password to allow others not to see it.
Why are the above sentences incorrect grammatically? Is there any way that it is correct?

[jagged ridge]

Hello guys what should i talk about in my personal essay for applying for collages

[somber current]

Depends what system you’re doing. US?

[jagged ridge]

Could you explain it more

[queen wedge]

wait theyre incorrect grammatically?

they sound awkward to me but idk if theyre necessary grammatically wrong

[queen wedge]

tbh ive heard college is very competitive & in all honesty there are a lot more qualified people and resources you can find on youtube

& ig you can look at examples of personal essays!!

[visual pagoda]

Are they grammatically right?

[glad charm]

Both are grammatically correct, though some prescriptivists might argue that the first is incorrect because of the split infinitive. However, I don't think you should really use either if this is for something since both sound very awkward

Honestly, they probably don't mean what you want anyway. These are saying that if you hide the password, you grant others the ability to not see the password, and they are saying that you should do that. It's a very odd thing that I don't think really works in any context, lol.

So it's kind of like saying, 'hide the password so that others may not see it if they don't wish to see it'

You should use a different verb, imo. 'you must hide the password to prevent others from seeing it'

[visual pagoda]

Do these 2 sentences have the same meaning?
1.You must hide the password so that others cannot see it.
2.You must hide the password to allow others not to see it.

[queen wedge]

yes

await no

wait no

[queen wedge]

id definitely use the first one over the 2nd one

[visual pagoda]

Do they grammatically or semantically not convey the same meaning?Or do they convey the same meaning?

[glad charm]

The second has the same meaning as what I said a bit ago (allowing to not see, giving them the ability to choose not to see), while the first means you hide the password to prevent it from being seen, to rid others of the ability to see it. Both are grammatically correct, but you'll never hear the latter

The latter is very awkward

[queen wedge]

If you are being technical they do not have the same meaning

scelultrix explains it earlier

[visual pagoda]

THose were slightly different sentences that scelultrix replied to.

[queen wedge]

What she said basically applies to your new sentences too :). ".You must hide the password so that others cannot see it." is way better than all of them though

i think being very technical with linguistic interpretation (what someon ethinks ur saying) or what she said earlier abt english prescriptivism (basically using english with serious, consistent rules) then they definitely mean different things

[queen wedge]

omg but now im curious what is this for? i think the first sentence here is like infinitely better than the other ones

[visual pagoda]

These are for a test.

[queen wedge]

oh ofc they are. i hate when english is about these types of things 😭

my english teacher right now is so evillll

[visual pagoda]

An AI model does not agree.Do you think it is wrong?It is saying that both sentences convey the same meaning. @queen wedge @glad charm

Is the below question and asnwer about the 2 sentences correct? Do these 2 sentences have the same meaning?
1.You must hide the password so that others cannot see it.
2.You must hide the password to allow others not to see it.
Meaning 1.Hiding the password so people don’t have the ability to see it.
Meaning 2.Hiding the password so that others may not see it if they don’t wish to see it.It has the same meaning as hide the password so that others may not see it if they don't wish to see it

AI Answer
The analysis provided in that answer is not correct. Let me explain why:
"You must hide the password so that others cannot see it."
This sentence means that you should conceal the password to prevent others from seeing it. The intention is to keep the password secret from everyone else.
"You must hide the password to allow others not to see it."
This sentence is awkwardly phrased and can be confusing. However, it's generally interpreted to mean the same as the first sentence - hiding the password to prevent others from seeing it.
The interpretation provided for the second sentence ("Hiding the password so that others may not see it if they don't wish to see it") is incorrect. This interpretation suggests that people have a choice about whether they want to see the password or not, which is not the intended meaning of either sentence.
Both sentences are actually trying to convey the same idea: you should hide the password to prevent others from seeing it, regardless of whether they want to or not. The goal is to keep the password confidential and secure.
So, to answer the original question: Yes, these two sentences are intended to have the same meaning, although the second one is less clearly worded. They both express the need to keep the password hidden from others for security purposes.

[queen wedge]

"Yes, these two sentences are intended to have the same meaning"

It comes down to interpretation, imo. they practically mean the same thing (they are intended to have the same meaning) but from a more picky side, no they dont

[fossil quest]

yeah, language in general has the problem of its speakers not using words in the most precise way possible. People want words with more fluid interpretations, at least that is my experience with English. it's not an entirely bad thing, but it can lead to questions like the one you are posing. I think the only reason you can argue that these two sentences have the same meaning is because there exists no motivation behind the more precise meaning that could be conveyed by the second one. To me, the second sentence could convey the intention of allowing a person to choose not to invade your privacy. This is almost never the case in reality. Practically speaking, the only possible intention with hiding the password is not to give anyone a choice, but to force them to never learn your password without choice. It's only through the context of common experiences that we can narrow down the possible intentions that could be conveyed with the second sentence, forcing it to have the same interpretation as the first sentence.

In short, they have different meanings when applying dictionary definitions precisely. They have the same meaning through the process of eliminating potential interpretations via common experiences. Someone who is naïve about password security would possibly be confused upon hearing the second sentence. This is why we say it is more awkwardly phrased.

[glad charm]

ChatGPT is not trustworthy on linguistic matters.

I'll read what it said and see though :>

[glad charm]

Only comment I have is the same one as Governer's. That is, the AI is saying that that's the most likely interpretation of the second sentence. If a learner, struggling to properly convey things, sent that sentence, I would think they meant 'hide the password so it cannot be seen', but that is not the literal meaning. Usually (and I'm inclined to say 'always'), the intended menaing is that of the first, so the very confusing awkward second sentence will likely be assumed to mean that, but it, in fact, doesn't mean 'Hide it so people can't see it', but 'Hide it to give other the ability to choose to not see it (to give them permission not see it if they don't want to)'.

If you said the second sentence, I would assume you meant the first, but it would give me pause. If you told me to think about the two sentences and compare them, I would tell you they don't mean the same thing, but otherwise, outisde of a contex in which people are deliberately comparing and analysing the two sentences, all will likely understand them ti be the same (unless there is some factor that dictates elsewise, which is very unlikely).

[visual pagoda]

Appreciate the answers,thanks!

[candid dust]

can someone let me know if this reads well:

Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) is a continuing area of interest for scientists because of its ability to cause hallucinations and sensory alterations. This interest rose from research in years 1950-1960 which discovered the psychotropic potential of psychedelics. In addition, psychedelics were initially used as psychotropics to treat compulsive behaviours, such as addiction, as well as depressive and anxious feelings. For LSD to re-enter the clinical world, its pharmacological effects must be deeply understood. LSD binds to serotonin receptors and influences serotonin levels in the body. As serotonin is an essential neurotransmitter and hormone in the body, it is a major determinant of physiological health. Therefore, LSD’s impact on serotonin must be comprehensively understood. This review approaches this goal by providing substantiated insight on LSD’s direct and indirect impacts on serotonin synthesis to provide a direct insight on LSD’s impact on serotonin levels for future research concerning this area.

anything about the grammar, punctuation, and the clarity of the writing

ive fact-checked everything ive written

[dense marten]

reads well overall but could benefit from minor adjustments to improve clarity and flow