wind shellBOT
At this point we barely keeping track of who's dating who-
There's so many people across multiple system and I've never met half of these people so I'll be finding out about relationships in my own system after months of people dating
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
Haha, well we are dating our partner system and our simply plural also keeps track of that information
🗝 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🎀🖤 ↩️
unique jolt
Because of writing difficulties in secondary school, we wrote on a laptop. But I question why our teachers didn't recognise the completely different tone in all our papers and creative writing and different skill levels. Like we'd go from super smart sounding scientific papers to papers that didn't make sense and had no science backing. Creative writing pieces that were half-decent to pieces that couldn't even describe something.
As we've been able to sort out writing difficulties (doing rehab for our hand, we still have tremors but we've done some strengthening that allows us to write short pieces), our teachers never questioned our different handwriting because our diagnoses were told to the school for our safety and our schools have been really good with it (in Sweden anyway, UK sucks)
I long to have a partner who understands us
We have some inter-system relationships but not many because of the structuring of our system
sorry, I'm rambling now rip
wind shellBOT
ur fine /gen
wind shellBOT
We have them in sp too I'm just not constantly checking and stuff
[💉] Carter - He/Doc [🥀] ↩️
wind shellBOT
Question our friend we just found out about the system of their from has a alter who we found out is named Evil not sure why but it makes since and that alter is harming the host identity our friend but refuses to tell anyone how. I am worried and not sure what to do nor do we live close enough to do much. We just get random texts from the alter like I am harming the host or I am the one hitting on my host identity friends even though our host identity hates that. At a lose here and worried about what to do
pulsar wren
That’s odd
I’d say tell the host?
Like, “hey, dude, your alter’s making everyone uncomfortable”
wind shellBOT
Yeah I can try that as soon as I know if the host is here or not because we are waiting on a answer to that since we asked. Plus we have gained trust of the nice alters they have minus ones that won't come to which is ok were not forcing them to but this one is a very troubling alter. Our friend has not said that they are getting help or not so not sure if they know terms but this alter named Evil seems like a predecessor with how they manipulate the host identity, always go behind their back and do bad things and maybe more that we don't know
wind shellBOT
tell them to get therapy😭 wtf, they are texting you that deliberately? it seems attention seeking
Emile Steilsson Iceland 🍪 ↩️
yeah this
ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️
Owe trust me a friend of ours, us and the host idetity of our friends system boyfriend are working to be able to tell them if they aren't getting help they need it for their own and others around them good-Iceland
[⚔] Blake - He/Doc [🥀] ↩️
Also glad were not the only one thinking this because it cause a spiral of bad stuff to happen last night since me, a friend and our friends host identity that boyfirnd to be thrown in the middle of a bad situation we were not signed up for
[⚔] Blake - He/Doc [🥀] ↩️
limpid siren
Oof that was a little rough, one of my littles was out fully in the front on her own and i was pretty far back in co-con just watching unable to do or say anything /lh /nav
She's reallly sweet though but that just drained me of my energy.
wind shellBOT
ok yeah my friend yes they are a friend of the whole system was talking about bad stuff earlier is not well at all after what happend just now omg 😖 we are fine though no need to worry also your little does sound sweet
wind shellBOT
I remember when that happened but it was only for a couple seconds and it was cute but the scariest thing ever because we were at school and knew they wouldn't be able to mask
Embers- No @'s (☆) ↩️
limpid siren
Oh gosh we've never been at school when he fully front at least without a caretaker who can hide it
wind shellBOT
Yea it's no fun at all
Thankfully she willingly left knowing she shouldn't be there and I got back control
wind shellBOT
This is stupid, I was looking through our spotify playlist that is pinned and the first few songs were okay but everything else sucks. I dont like musical songs.
I need my own playlist! /lh
wind shellBOT
We unintentionally made our own playlists under the guise of general vibes
digital abyss
I need my own playlist! /lh
we all havd our own playlsits bc were all different
wind shellBOT
We had our primary playlist separated at one point and then something happened so now were making a spotify folder with seperate ones for everybody
hybrid skiff
we all havd our own playlsits bc were all different
I liked that Idea so I stole it lol
azure egret
I liked that Idea so I stole it lol
it really is, I might steal it too lol
wind shellBOT
Wow that is so cool. That makes me want to try to do this with my system which will be so interesting it will go from all nordic languages to emp, metal, Abba, anime, country, little kids if the littles end up liking some music since it helps sooth them and more
digital abyss
in our pluralkit descriptions, we also put one of our favorite songs lyrics around the info on our profile
for example
pk;m chaos -pub
faint solsticeBOT
CHAOS — ❓
-# 
◞ co-host , CC — 
Your favorite tophat’d lad.
Ask to Front — SURE
Touch / Petname — No. (unless 💉)
DMs / Pings — DMs are fine, pings are a no.
Source Talk — I don’t mind
digital abyss
mine ^
wind shellBOT
Ooo that is a great idea
faint solsticeBOT
“With the wind in your hair of a thousand laces. .”
GAIL — 🗡️
-# 
◞ host — 
banner ! <3
Ask to Front — sure !
Touch / Petname — only if close, otherwise ask
DMs / Pings — sure just dont spam it!
“. . climb on the back and we'll go for a ride in the sky ! ”
digital abyss
they all have this layout pretty much
wind shellBOT
might as well use pk
and then heres habit's; another frequent fronter in this server
digital abyss
pk;m 41 -pub
faint solsticeBOT
“The doctor said, that I have tomato loss. . . alright. . ”
41 — 🐇
-# 
◞ trauma holder — 
Main voice actor of timid characters !
Ask to Front — sure :D
Touch / Petname — no, unless close
DMs / Pings — no unless our PS
Source Talk — ask first please !
“. . we had spaghetti with long term memory sauce. . . alright ! ”
wind shellBOT
thats all
jst some inspo ^_^
dont wanna clog up the chat
but theres some for example
Well that is good inspiration and that's alright. For us our banners our things we like and our host identity banner is a funny moment of me and my husband which makes me laugh every time I see it
gail ended up changing ours recently to funny stuff
and changed some for those who dont know abt it
for example
digital abyss
pk;m cayenne -pub
faint solsticeBOT
CAYENNE — 🔮
-# 
◞ protector — 
<🌹3 /r
Ask to Front — Sure.
Touch / Petname — Sure, don’t expect it back.
DMs / Pings — Sure.
wind shellBOT
we cant wait til she sees this one
This is our host identity which banner is so funny to me
heavy steppe
Pk; list
faint solsticeBOT
❌ Member with name "L" not found. Note that a member ID is 5 or 6 characters long.
heavy steppe
pk;m Lukas
faint solsticeBOT
wind shellBOT
Me and my husband were drunk dancing 😳❤️
theres some drawings of me and my partner at a bar 😭😭
I hope they aren't embarrassing
wind shellBOT
nah its funny
green lava
vamos lesbianas LMAOOO
wind shellBOT
Fronting is weird when the body is disabled but you aren’t in headspace
wind shellBOT
god existing is exhausting
but someone called my by MY name rather than the bodies name so that was nice!
digital abyss
vamos lesbianas LMAOOO
oh hi sol LMAO
digital abyss
real shit
wind shellBOT
I've been front past few days without much break, think Samir's been front a few times but i'm still hovering around when he's front, anyone know what's going on with that?
Also, why have I got a british accent?
wind shellBOT
figured the accent bit
azure egret
I was just typing out something to that one so I'm curious 🧐
-Xander
pulsar wren
I mimic things, i've mentioned on here before, I've just forgetten that i've seen something british recently, so it's from that
azure egret
ohh gotchu
azure egret
also we've realized that we each who like to make art like to do different things in the actual making of it like lining and stuff so it feels weird to sign stuff under one name it's more like a collab, any others in here experience this too?
hollow orchid
yea, a little! we had a history project due and one really wanted color
so they did shading and the host did the actual line part of it
wind shellBOT
i didn’t sleep well because i was playing minecraft, so my ||tics|| are very active, but i also drank caffeine because oh boy i’m tired and am three years into a science degree
m i s t a k e
wind shellBOT
That moment when you already have 222 known alters in your main system just for an alter to tell you about a subsystem that has 100+ members. The best night of my life! /sarc
wind shellBOT
damn
limpid siren
I had a conversation with someone today who was under the impression that DID/OSDD only majorly affected you in the bad moments or right after a traumatic event. I was having a pretty good day but I was a little switchy, and they were like "why are you switchy" like it was really hard to explain positive triggers to them also that this is not just a "in the rough times disorder" but "every aspect of life"
wind shellBOT
Forgot to mention but we've had our therapist go through the DID criteria with us before which made us excited but nothing really happened then yesterday our psychiatrist also went through it with us and I think we might be closer to diagnosis but we still haven't gotten anything at all. Just hoping maybe our therapist will tell us something the next time we see him
wind shellBOT
That’s really good
pulsar wren
That’s so cool
digital abyss
good luck!
wind shellBOT
We told our therapist about us today in therapy.
Just a brief overview and that sorta stuff.
She didn’t react negatively to our fictives either
wind shellBOT
Got a new counceler to see Friday hope she isn't negative about us
wind shellBOT
Good luck!
wind shellBOT
Thanks
azure egret
Just have to vent someplace that someone will probably understand. It's not fair that I'm the "depressed one." That i'm the one that has to hold all of these impossibly heavy feelings and still one of the ones that get shit done. I basically got us through our college years single handedly sophomore year and on until I got so burnt out that I ended up flunking us out. I try so hard. People outside of the system don't think we do at all, no effort is ever seen. I feel so empty but somehow feel like more is scraped out of me leaving me even emptier by some sadistic force. When I'm co-con I can witness them enjoying themselves sometimes, some even feeling somewhat happy for the first time in a very very very long time. If I come forward though? I ruin it all. I hate that all I can think of is Sadness touching the memories in Inside Out. I just want to feel something other than these deep gutting emotions but I don't know how.
-Tyler
-# if you read this thank you for "listening" to me
wind shellBOT
sooooo blurryyyyyy…. :/
wind shellBOT
So studdery sigh words escape us and we have that counceler appointment today sigh
Hope you feel better
wind shellBOT
was so quiet for so long and now it’s so chaotic again and i’ve forgotten how to handle it- /lh
heady hornet
Does anyone have any tips on how to talk to a therapist about being a system? We've tried to mention DID in a conversation, but we freaked out and ended up having to leave because I was panicking. We aren't sure how our therapist would react, and we're not sure how to open up a conversation about it. Thanks :)
hot rock
Does anyone have any tips on how to talk to a therapist about being a system? We...
Are they a trauma therapist? If so I think they should have heard about most stuff related. Perhaps it could be helpful if you try and map out the system?
Sorry, do you prefer that you say “your system” or “the system”? /lh
heady hornet
Are they a trauma therapist? If so I think they should have heard about most stu...
Ah okay, we'll give that a shot, thanks
heady hornet
Sorry, do you prefer that you say “your system” or “the system”? /lh
We don't really mind hah
wind shellBOT
so many miles wow
wind shellBOT
i’m actually gonna explode
weak basinBOT
GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 6!
wind shellBOT
Is it possible to have an alter form/attach to a source immediately like as soon as you see it? (Like there was already a fragment then you see the source and the alter forms to be clear)
pulsar wren
I mean, yea, prob
wind shellBOT
i just called my brother (/sys) my brother for the first time out loud and it felt very strange. is that normal or am i just not used to it yet? i don’t say it often in headspace either, i guess we don’t say we’re siblings very often.
wind shellBOT
i totally get it! acknowledging system stuff is still weird for us
rocky river
i don't have DID or OSDD, but when I'm talking in my head, I've always referred to myself as "us", and monologue with different versions of myself. I've always been more comfortable talking to myself as "we, our, us, you, yours, mine." I'm not sure why, but I did grow up feeling pretty lonely and misunderstood. Again, I'm not diagnosed, but how similar are y'alls experiences? I did have to "untrain" myself from it because it came to a point where it would feel like one version of me would switch into a different version of me. It doesn't feel like different people in one body, just different versions of myself in here.
wind shellBOT
Before we knew about being a system, we definitely felt more comfortable talking about ourselves in "we". It started with different trains of thoughts that sometimes conflicted and then everything kind of started making sense and things i (kaitlyn) didnt understand. After we found out this was a thing, then we could identify where the different personalities were and could see the different people. It's hard to explain and im not the best at explainign stuff- so if you need a clarification let me know.
neurodivergent people in general tend to find a separation in brain and body, so using plural pronouns isn’t completely uncommon. my thing is when i’d have “thoughts” (alters) completely disagree with me and say that the way they would’ve handled it was better
Two of them got in a fight last night and I had to moderate like "guys chill out- both of you suck" /j
wind shellBOT
real shit
two alters have had fights our front before and it’s insane how badly it went
rocky river
wind shellBOT
We have been arguing back and forth with stress lately and having a whole feeling ||sick|| issue going on with the body so we have had to deal with trying to manage everything but it's been rough
pulsar wren
i don't have DID or OSDD, but when I'm talking in my head, I've always referred ...
Our experience with systemhood is like a really shitty appartment that you can't move out of. The body is a very maintence heavy appartment that a majority of us don't actually like ( except Emery because Emery's like that, I guess ) and we're all living in it and very annoyed about it
( and also half the tennants in the appartment are religious fanatics and there's a small group that all kin bees to a rediculous degree )
wind shellBOT
Sounds like exactly what our previous host experienced until finding out about us which we're kinda in denial ab again rn because we've been so blended but this is what happened to us and turn out we were more than a bit quirky lol
Ani ↩️
pulsar wren
Our experience with systemhood is like a really shitty appartment that you can't...
in terms of actual in-head convo, we have very little, most convo happens irl through notes or in the iw
( most iw convo is either Sage pestering me for something to do or Raine and Zain arguing with me on whether or not it's ethical to treat Eclipse like an actual dog )
( the answer is no. )
rocky river
Our experience with systemhood is like a really shitty appartment that you can't...
oh okay!
mine didn't feel like that
so I suppose mine was just loneliness lol
pulsar wren
so I suppose mine was just loneliness lol
i mean, every system's experience is different, i'd reccomend you look into osddid before making conlusions based off our hectic clusterfuck of a system
rocky river
oki
my mom once told me i was crazy for thinking like that
but again she's hyper christian
rocky river
I'm just curious now, it doesn't happen to me: when your alters switch, does it feel like you dissociate for a second while they switch? I hope my curiosity isn't insensitive
rocky river
i mean, every system's experience is different, i'd reccomend you look into osdd...
DANG that is me, lol 😭
pulsar wren
I'm just curious now, it doesn't happen to me: when your alters switch, does it ...
it feels like time jumping, like one minute someone's getting kinda close to front and the next im in a different place and it's been over an hour somehow
It's been worse since host position's switched around, now i'm not the only host so the time jumps are longer
rocky river
ah
weak basinBOT
GG @rocky river, you just advanced to level 6!
wind shellBOT
For us, our switches are different. It’s very rare for me (host) to switch out fully. I’m almost always aware, but not always in control.
We don’t experience the time jumps or gaps immediately, rather we get to the end of a day and I realise “I can’t remember anything” or something like that. I’ll only switch out fully during flashbacks or after flashbacks when it’s not safe for me to be in front.
We suspect we have P-DID rather than DID for that reason, but yeah that’s what our switches are like
pulsar wren
makes sense, we have just plain DID with pretty high amnesia so our switches are more blackout type
wind shellBOT
We have lots of amnesia, but it’s more post-hour or post-day wipeout than “oh wait what’s happened?”
wind shellBOT
Does anyone else get dissociative amnesia that’s not alter related? Like right now I feel like I don’t recognise my room even though I should
Or sometimes like my memories of a person get shut off and I have to work to get them back or wait a few days
pulsar wren
yea, that's pretty normal for systems, im pretty sure
wind shellBOT
Whats bothering us is how switchy. I mean right now we can feel someone at fronts happy mood but yet we want to cry. This is starting to bother us 😒 -Sweden
wind shellBOT
I’m finally getting to front for the first time in a WHILE to drive home from a family event
8 hours behind the wheel.
wind shellBOT
Save me
wind shellBOT
Honestly it’s not too bad now.
Just people seeing a reference they liked and hopping in for a bit and then popping out again
wind shellBOT
Anthony was the only one negatively triggered out luckily
hollow orchid
We’re blurry
bleak bramble
same
wind shellBOT
Curious what app this is. Looks like simply plural but could be wrong
Cat || She/It 🪽🧮 ↩️
Drew aome of us today. Not the best with some and no Denmark is not looking weird at Iceland in our mind he was looking like that due to his husband laying in his lap while Denmark read a book so he was looking at his husband lovingly. That is part of ladonias nose scar at the bottom not his mouth. Haven't drawn in a long time due to personal reasons in life holding my creativity back
pulsar wren
Curious what app this is. Looks like simply plural but could be wrong
Octocon
bleak bramble
how does it compare to sp?
pulsar wren
It’s very similar but is slightly more private, has a smaller character count for the pronouns field in app, is easier to sync with it’s discord bot, is endo-neutral/anti ( the creators are anti but the app has to be neutral because they can’t stop people from using it ), in my opinion the tagging grouping system for alters is easier than pk’s folder system, and the interface is a bit nicer
Small stuff like that
pulsar wren
They do, yea, the ‘resources’ on there and that they generally send out are very pro-endo so they have misinformation
wind shellBOT
When you switch in mid-test and the handwriting changes a ton
wind shellBOT
yeah thats actually pretty common as far as im aware
fragments can develop later on and sometimes they end up being introjects ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Unknown alter 🥀🖤 ↩️
Cool name btw dude and alr. Think we found out he either showed up then left or the host made him up in the moment as a trauma response because of something we watched but he wasn't actually an alter so yea we dk
ah
and ty !
bleak bramble
being sick makes it hard to figure out who is fronting 0-0
wind shellBOT
So true. This morning rare non diabetic hypoglycemia flared up and my god was it hard to tell who was fronting. Turns out it was me
wind shellBOT
Yeah hypoglycemia the rare kind isn't fun
wind shellBOT
I feel like ass
Being sick sucks
We're shaky and finding it hard to do things like tytpe and pay attention
wind shellBOT
food and coffee help a lot
still very sick, sort of shaking, but pizza and coffee helps
we accidentally spilled our drink because we couldn't feel our hands (i blame my husband...)
wet willow
ugh illness is kicking my ass right about now. we have rehearsals tomorrow though so we have to go in because it's only the second rehearsal so I can miss it -tango
wind shellBOT
Had to keep our little Sandy from fully fronting during our appointment with our caseworker to grocery shop. It was hard and we are very very tired
wind shellBOT
switches less than ten minutes later switch an hour later switch switch switch half an hour later switch switch /neg
wind shellBOT
oh hi riot HAHA
» RAGE / RIOT !! 💢 × they/he/it [ ☀ ] ↩️
hybrid skiff
Is it possible to have an alter form/attach to a source immediately like as soon...
Mhm thats happened to a couple of us. Specifically J, it was really strange when it happened because we were hyper fixating again on arcane and because of already having a fragment of something around and it happened. However she immediately disassociated to her source in fear she’d be fake claimed and plus how fast she formed :(
Jon aswell, took him a long while to completely develop I believe
wet willow
Is it possible to have an alter form/attach to a source immediately like as soon...
for us, I think so, yeah. we have it happen quite often. we'll feel a little blurry here and there for a while but for example if we get into a new book or something like that, we often end up forming an alter, although I'm unsure if it's an alter who was already there attaching to the source, or if its something to do with our ADHD/autism -Tango
just wanted to clarify, we are completely anti endo but our system is just confusing for us, when it comes to how long alters truely have been around - X
green lava
oof i feel that
thankfully weve healed in a lot of ways and its made it easier to tell certain things and learn about certain things. some dissociative barriers have gone down
however theres still so much i dont know and still don’t really understand about our system. i think we are very fragment heavy. i feel like we have very many fragments who dont have an identity, name, etc. but just hold an emotion, memory, trauma, etc. we arent split heavy anymore due to being in a better, healthier space (mentally and physically) but if we discover a new alter, its typically a fragment who developed more or attached onto a source
weak basinBOT
GG @green lava, you just advanced to level 1!
green lava
woh
dissociation sucks basically and its so hard to figure stuff out </3 even when youre in a safer space. i feel like once i figure one thing out, theres hundreds more stuff i still dont know or understand
wind shellBOT
I understand that, and yeah, same
Gosh I feel the same way. Like right now I am trying to figure out what positive thing triggerd me to front with my husband because the body feels all happy right now which has been rare lately so it's a nice feeling
wind shellBOT
Our soother accidentally got triggered into a derealisation episode so me and someone else have been thugging it out all day 0-0
not the vibe, she’s the host 0-0
wind shellBOT
I hate switching headaches 
wind shellBOT
Is it weird that when i fromt i feel different and the others say that it feels different? Like its not phantom stuff? Cause like erys and mars and eliah also get that its more like i sense the world differently?? Idk
I also think that eliah also does that effect but its slightly different
Its very weird when both of you are here fully
wind shellBOT
front stuck hell ,, its like its me but its not
i want out
Clarke accidentally took a nap so we missed turning in several assignments
i'm gonna beat her up 0-0
i'm renaming our system the Clusterf*ck system ffs
I actually knew someone with that system name lol /pos
you ever wonder if you're actually faking it and just aren't wanting to accept the consequences of your actions?
this keeps popping into my head and i don't appreciate it :/
hybrid skiff
this keeps popping into my head and i don't appreciate it :/
unfortunately that comes with the package, constant denial is your brain trying to logic itself
wind shellBOT
Got told pk is not aloud in a server i joined. I respect that but I still feel very nervous to talk in that group now because I am worried people may make fun of our system. Sigh. Anyone se get nervous when fronting online due to your worried how many people may react badly to your system if it gets found out
pulsar wren
We used to get really confused by collective pronouns
We now have collective pronouns
Apparently, it just took us a while to find a set we all agreed on
paper crater
Cool
wind shellBOT
We just use whatever
Normally she/her because no one likes using other pronouns for us itl
Irl
same but online reflects preferred cause we’re closeted
Yeah
wind shellBOT
I don't think any of our alters even rly talk here much but apparently I'm a co-host now and I keep showing up here so what do normal people usually do in daily life???
taxes or smth idk
👀
I knew I should've stayed in headspace
wind shellBOT
All us nordics including me and Swedens 2 boys are out fronting due to a very bad morning incident with a neighbor. The boys are trying to protect even with no roles. Maybe they are protectors. Either way so proud of my boys trying to help
hot rock
All us nordics including me and Swedens 2 boys are out fronting due to a very ba...
How does it feel to be in the same body as your sons? /gq
wind shellBOT
Kinda interesting but I'm glad they are back home. They were dorment for years then finally came back. I honestly missed them and so did my husband
When it comes to my boys they talk about how they love protecting and organizing things in the system. Wonder if they are starting to find rolls. They don't need any but it seems like they really want some
wind shellBOT
i’m reading this for the first time and it’s very accurate. i now want to paint our nails haha.
wind shellBOT
this is a really dumb question but do other systems have songs they only listen to when they are dissociated and blurred? not necessarily to bring an alter to front but just more as a general song that you just listen to.
limpid siren
Yep we have our primary playlist of "tiny little secret gems" to just listen to whenever we dont know whose fronting or we just want a little less work atm
wind shellBOT
we normally listen to collision by stray kids and i’ve only just realised that it’s a pattern.
(it’s on skye’s playlist but skye’s playlist it’s kinda mess of a bunch of different vibes that skye likes.. and everyone else likes too.)
like there’s specific songs i’m not allowed to listen to without permission so certain alters don’t front because they’re more likely to make things worse /lh /neu /npa at the alters i “share” songs with
i’m so torn on my picrew like i hate it but i like it too but do i actually like it??
wind shellBOT
Yup
a mess {they/ask} 🫧💫 ↩️
hybrid skiff
some songs help us trigger out another person so yeah
wind shellBOT
the question wasn’t about triggering out an alter using music, we do that and know others do too. it was about if other systems listen to a specific song when they do not know who they are or are incredibly dissociated, but not for the sake of triggering someone out. /info /lh
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
green lava
Got told pk is not aloud in a server i joined. I respect that but I still feel v...
dude, all the time
i try and be open from time to time but ive not had the best experience with being open w/ it and other things so its hard now 😭 i never wanna go into detail anywhere bc theres lots about my system that are too vulnerable to share publicly, aside from veryyyy close people. even then, i have stuff that is completely and entirely private between me and my system. its safer that way
there are people out there that do and will take vulnerable parts of your system and make fun of them/fake claim/be negative towards unfortunately and it sucks
thats why its nice to find places you feel comfortable in
but i wanna be careful still on what i share and such cuz not everything is for the public obviously
wind shellBOT
I can't live like this. Do u ppl know how to not get pulled into front sm. I've only been here a couple days or at least fronted and it's kinda nice not only the host is fronting for long periods of time but this ain't itttt
green lava
unfortunately i cannot help there 😭
when an alter gets forced into front for us its not something weve never known how to help or change, it just happens, and sometimes alters fight for front but idk
wind shellBOT
we try avoiding things that trigger specific alters most of the time. but then like. sometimes new ones appear-
we sometimes either just have to let it happen or we try trigger someone else into front. which either goes well or makes everything worse.
💥 . Maxx ╱ he⸝⸝ 🧊🍓 ↩️
green lava
unrelated but im so tired of being blurry bro
ive not known who i am all day except for an alter coming into cof that i didnt know existed and then i blink and 3 hours passed 😭 weve been blurry quite a bit recently again and it just sucks
i want to feel like a person
and i do not </3
wind shellBOT
normally its through music cause that’s something that’s easy for us to access and we all (not all but kinda all) have different specific songs
blurred {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️
I'm legit just stuck. We dissociated and and keep dissociating and I keep coming into front and I can't leave
blurred {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️
Last time we had that it was for weeks and we switched hosts
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
We have an entire playlist of ‘songs that trigger host to front but also give us a horrible headache’
music is such a weird front trigger
we’ve been like that recently and its been weird because its just been the host for ages and then it’s suddenly gotten blurry again
i hope it gets better for you /gen
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
Our host just pops in when he's needed but otherwise if he can leave then he's the first to be gone, which is why I'm heree
Blurry - CC [ It/Ink/Music ] ☀🪶 ↩️
we’ve been blurry for 4-5 days
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
maybe you’re front stuck? i’m not really sure. /lh
💥 . Maxx ╱ he⸝⸝ 🧊🍓 ↩️
Nah I'm not and it's fine. I'mma go complain to our friends
i keep “stealing” music cause i like songs others like and they keep complaining about it and i’m like. it’s not my choice i front easily what do you want from me 😭 /lh
Blurry - CC [ It/Ink/Music ] ☀🪶 ↩️
fair enough
💥 . Maxx ╱ he⸝⸝ 🧊🍓 ↩️
green lava
Last time we had that it was for weeks and we switched hosts
we already had a split and host change a few months ago i refuse to go through that again 💀
and idk why we would host change cuz nothing crazy happened
i know its not that
wind shellBOT
Damn hope it's nth and u all good soon
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
green lava
i think i know what caused it but idk i just wanna feel like a human being again 😭🙏
green lava
music is such a weird front trigger
music is one of our biggest front triggers
we have specific songs that WILL 99% of the time trigger someone out. whether they stay in front or not is a different story pfft
weak basinBOT
GG @green lava, you just advanced to level 2!
green lava
woah
wind shellBOT
tonight we found 3 (potentially 4) alters nobody knew existed with barely any warning lol /lh /nav /ot
green lava
dude i feel that so hard
weve discovered 3 alters we didnt know existed through the past 2 weeks
ik its not all in one day but lord have mercy i do not understand what my brain is doing
one of them was today
and i NEVER have blackouts
but this was probably one of the closest to that ive had in a long time
3 hours, gone bro 😭
i blinked and was like. oh! okay!
weve also been getting really weird random little memories pop into our head we had completely and entirely forgotten from YEARSSS ago, with seemingly no trigger
wind shellBOT
i’m so tired.
green lava
weve also been getting really weird random little memories pop into our head we ...
but dont ask me what they were because i dont remember now 💀
they pop into our head and then its forgotten again
wind shellBOT
i don’t even think our brain knows what it’s doing. it’s just doing something. 😭
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
wind shellBOT
||HAHAHAHA CAPS PERMS-|| - all caps lol.
green lava
HELP
green lava
im a yeller unfortunately
i do be using caps a lot
and forget you cant in this server
everytime
lmaoo
wind shellBOT
i think like. some of us are but not to the extent of ever actually using them in text unless- extreme excitement.
i still gotta do sp stuff ughhhhh-
it’s 1:30 oops.
we’ve been blurry for multiple days and now we have a really bad headache and we thought we were just having a blurry moment, is this what a split feels like, we haven’t had a split in months so I have no idea
green lava
honestly weve never gotten headaches from splitting or dissociating so im not too sure
most of the time we have no idea we have split until we see the outcome of it (new / changed alters)
sometimes, rarely, we can recognize when its happening, and in those moments its just intense dissociation for a long period of time
idk, its weird, we dont really know how splitting works for us or how to recognize it
99% of the time we only realize we did after it happened ig
wind shellBOT
we get switch headaches and stuff semi-frequently tbh but we haven’t really switched at all, it’s been just a mush of ‘maybe this guy’ or ‘maybe that one’ until we gave up and just decided to go with ‘blurry as fuck’
wind shellBOT
we get different feelings and pain depending on the switch and who is fronting or close to front
Like there are 8 fronting right now so the pain is all over the body
wind shellBOT
I’m back in front and the headache’s gone down, that was odd
If we have someone new I’m gonna be so pissed
wind shellBOT
We have had off and on switching headaches all week
digital abyss
Our PNES occasionally goes hand in hand with our switching
wind shellBOT
Noticed that at times for us to
green lava
Our PNES occasionally goes hand in hand with our switching
same
we have increased seizures everytime theres increased dissociation
wind shellBOT
i've been informed that i either split which is why i feel different, i'm really really blended with someone or someone fused with me and i can't tell because i just feel like my whole pk and sp is wrong now cause i'm different or maybe i just feel like the host? anyone know how to figure out if you split or fused?
hybrid skiff
the question wasn’t about triggering out an alter using music, we do that and kn...
I mean thats like- the same thing? if you don’t know who are and are dissociated, songs can help you pull someone and/or yourself to front. cause you’ll find out “huh I like this song” or “this song isnt something I’d listen to at all”. im not really sure what you are asking
wind shellBOT
haha I get that, our whole liked playlist is mine pfft nah but im the only one who doesnt have a specific playlist cause I like all of our songs kinda
blurred {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️
uhhhh shrugs. it took a long time and alot of talking with the others that I came to the conclusion that I was a split off of someone. but overall just communicate and it takes time. but 99% of the time? we have no clue
Unknown alter 🧊🍓 ↩️
i split off from our host :)
[⚔] Blake - He/Doc [🥀] ↩️
wind shellBOT
What is that like. Our host is scared of that happening one day
🍓 . Dahlia╱Rae - they⸝⸝ 🧊🍓 ↩️
paper crater
\Honestly it’s not that bad. The brain usually does it in a way that the host doesn’t change too much in our case
wind shellBOT
Owe I see
wind shellBOT
It's not bad ^^
The host is still the same and the alter that was split off is finally adjusting to being in the system
Tino Vainamoinen Finland 🍪 ↩️
wet willow
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa -tango
wind shellBOT
Starting to feel stressed and disossiated even more 😫
we’re asking if any other systems have a specific song that they listen to when they are dissociated and/or unsure of who you are.
it’s not a song that pulls anybody into front. it’s not a song that triggers anything at all. nobody has any opinions on the song. the song does absolutely nothing.
we asked because we noticed that we’ve listened to one specific song a couple times when extremely dissociated and were wondering is any other systems had something similar to that.
hopefully that explains it better.
/info /lh /nm
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
Has anyone noticed that the text in the reply boxes in pk messages has gotten smaller?
Is it just me?
I do think it’s a discord thing cause I’ve noticed it with octocon too
yeah discord changed how all bots look so it’s different. /info
Ari - they/pup/stripe ||BIRDS ↩️
Oof
it’s annoying. like. what was wrong with it before. 😭
Ikr? What about people with low vision too
hybrid skiff
we’re asking if any other systems have a specific song that they listen to when ...
ahhh gotcha thank you /gen
maiden bronze
I think you can change the text size in both your phone settings as well as discord settings
wind shellBOT
tw yelling Just got ||yelled|| at making our disossiation worse
wind shellBOT
We survived our 8 hour lifeguarding recertification! We are gonna be destroyed tomorrow but we made it.
Hoping you do great tomorrow. Gosh our head hurts
wind shellBOT
Yes. Specifically: six pills by rosendale, detached by tony22, big a Little A by crass, and should I stay or should I go by the clash ( specifically the shea stadium video )
ryn {they/it} [MOD] 🫧💫 ↩️
wet willow
rahhhh brain go spinny -tango(?)
bleak bramble
real shit
wind shellBOT
Been groggy today
rocky river
hii, a while ago I asked you all about your experiances with systems and alters, and i did some introspection, and it was really hard on me. I'm still going through the stages of grief, but i've finally accepted mine
I've always had these 3 alters with me my whole childhood, and i've been aware of their existance
Im concious of their actions when we switch, and I don't forget the things that they did
I just feel like a stranger spectating someone else taking control of my body
it became more present during an abusive period in my childhood, and I've been in denial of their existance despite their clear presence in my life
they have their own names and personalities, and they got their names in 2018-2021
im still navigating in acceptance, but i finally did it
we all go by she/her
my name is Ani, but one of my alters also goes by Ani
i kinda took her name because of her personality and outlook on life, and it resonated in me the most
wind shellBOT
Great now the body is a little under the weather. Like we needed this today
azure egret
is it abnormal to almost always be co-fronting or co-con? like, almost always
also v muddy rn
wind shellBOT
Nope
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
azure egret
cool, thank you 💟
wind shellBOT
Yeah not un normal at all our host is almost always co fronting or co con
azure egret
okay cool, been feeling like a phony lately so thank you for answering & helping us feel more normal about that
limpid siren
is it abnormal to almost always be co-fronting or co-con? like, almost *always*
I hope not because then im doomed lol, Im almost always co-con/front with someone else but it like varies in how much im there if that makes sense, but you arnt alone in that 
wind shellBOT
Welcome to the community, it took us a long time to accept the fact that were a system, just like our brain fought it with every reason it could think of. I (well we) relate to a lot of what you mentioned like the actions when you switch and not forgetting the things they did especially spectating from the outside! Hopefully, you guys continue to learn more about it and accept this fully. :blob_heart:
Ani/Jade/Cesia ↩️
rocky river
Aww tysm :)
rocky river
I finally put my alters in a piccrew thing :3
thye've always looked like that in my head, I just never made them all together
but it'd occasionally make only one at a time when I was conflicted on how I wanted to present myself
wind shellBOT
Interesting
pulsar wren
these are some of ours, we have a lot more but spaming the chat would be rude
yes, we have a dog
i'd prob pay folks to guess which one of these is host
pulsar wren
nope!
i assumed people would pick Darcy tbh
he's too normal for our clusterfuck
he's not host, just from a slice of life BL ( boy's love romance ) so he's got nothing going for him besides being gay as fuck ( non-derogatory, all of us are gay as fuck )
rocky river
Lol
wind shellBOT
Here’s some of us just for fun
rocky river
Oo
weak basinBOT
GG @rocky river, you just advanced to level 7!
digital abyss
for examples ig
rocky river
i love that
wet willow
I hear we are sharing Picrews (we literally have so many but here's one each of like half of us)
tight flax
Heres some of ours
Here are others(im aware there some double ups and some arent picrews but face claims
tight flax
Here are others(im aware there some double ups and some arent picrews but face c...
Sorry for the other message i realised there was a ||knife|| too late
wind shellBOT
Small collection of ours
Only a couple picrews - we prefer fanarts for introjects normally
rocky river
Omg, do you have an age regressor alter too?
pulsar wren
As in alters who age regress? We have one as well, Zain age regresses sometimes
weak basinBOT
GG @pulsar wren, you just advanced to level 27!
wind shellBOT
raises hand as an age regressor
tight flax
Im not super sure what the accurate def of an age regressor is, but from what i can tell the person your reffering to i dontt hink is? Shes just a super young little, i do think we have an age regressor tho, but i dknt think their pfp is on there
tight flax
Im not super sure what the accurate def of an age regressor is, but from what ...
Actially maybe a couple? Im not sure
pulsar wren
We have little alters as well, 1-2 as of now, the other might be a middle though, haven’t been able to tell yet
tight flax
We have 4 littles, and 3 middles who are on the younger side (under 13)
tight flax
Actially maybe a couple? Im not sure
Hang on i gotta go do some analysis, (i was looking up what an age regressor is)
pulsar wren
Im not super sure what the accurate def of an age regressor is, but from what ...
An age regressor is a person who regresses to a younger age mentally
pulsar wren
Oh, you said you weren’t sure
tight flax
Tho thanks for the messgae /srs
pulsar wren
Oh, cool
rocky river
My age regressor is Ani, the pink haired one
She really likes taking over alot
She does it so much that I now go by Ani lol
Soon imma make it my legal middle name (I don't have a middle name) and spell it as Annie
tight flax
Ive acually never met someone without a legal middlename before so thats cool ig?
rocky river
:3
wind shellBOT
Our mom doesn't have one actually lol
(Pls@) ratsss|| ratbags sys ↩️
We don't use picrews but one of our co-hosts might start using them for newer alters because he likes making them
We have 18 littles, 7 regressors and then I'm the only age slider
Ani/Jade/Cesia ↩️
Can you be an age slider who regresses?
Because like I’m normally 15-17 ish, but can be little
Or would it still be considered an age slider
bleak bramble
it’s so interesting to read all these messages while simultaneously having ZERO littles or middles in our system
we have Dani, who is slightly younger than the body, and then the rest of them are either the body’s age or older based on source (or other things ig)
wind shellBOT
I'm an age slider who regresses lol
Jet || They/It 🪽🧮 ↩️
My age is 17-23 but main age is 17 and I age every year on my birthday so in December I'll be 18 even though the body will only be 15
rocky river
I'm still unsure how Ani works
Ik shes a regressor
She stays in a child-like state
But she doesn't feel like she's not 20
wind shellBOT
are we sharing picrews
lemme find some of ours
all of these are isabella.
she doesn’t look like that in headspace except from the pale skin but that’s just how she sees herself i guess
rocky river
Valid
azure egret
I hope not because then im doomed lol, Im almost always co-con/front with someon...
I don't know if I should answer but it seems like we're okay! We're still learning a lot. I hope you're having a nice day 😊
limpid siren
Your good, were learning a lot to! We are having a nice day, hope yours is going well too!
azure egret
Thank you! 💟
wind shellBOT
Our dad and brother doesn’t lol
(Pls@) ratsss|| ratbags sys ↩️
wind shellBOT
Neither have I…
(My dad, sister and I all have two legal middle names though 😭)
(Pls@) ratsss|| ratbags sys ↩️
tight flax
Our dad and brother doesn’t lol
Lol ive mer them before
wind shellBOT
so thabks to the revalarion and couple googles of last night weve come to the relization that im an age regressor (idk i thoutht actually idk what i rhought )
wind shellBOT
I’ve been trying to work out if I am but it’s kinda hard cause… subsystem
wind shellBOT
Welp a song just triggered a sensative memory for me and I feel really weird right now. Kinda sad, kinda glad, kinda confused 😕
wind shellBOT
i find it funny that i only ever front when we are either incredibly tired or everything has gone to ||shit|| and i am the most clueless person ever on how to deal with those things
wind shellBOT
oh i get that
Mathis Densen Denmark 🍪 ↩️
like there’s certain songs i can’t listen to anymore cause of stuff in my head attached to them even though like. i dunno but yeah
azure egret
Do any systems in the chat have a nonhuman nonanimal alter? We've been trying to figure what th a newish alter is bc... it's weird. The situation (and a lil bit them). The alter itself doesnt even know what is going on so I'm just trying to like pick up their vibe ig?? idk the whole thing is weird to describe lmao
-Lexi
midnight drift
We have an alter who is a "custom"/fictional race; one who used to be a fictional race but is now human; one who is essentially a kitsune; and a fragment who has no known physical form or identity
Take ya pick lmao
midnight drift
Do any systems in the chat have a nonhuman nonanimal alter? We've been trying to...
Ooops forgot to ping
azure egret
Ooops forgot to ping
the last one sounds most similar, the only thing they leave for us is "I feel clear" what even is that 😭 I can sorta remember what they feel like when they're front but bc I'm not them I canNoT tell what is going on. Watch them be like a bubble or smthn lol 😂 I'm not trying to make fun of them btw it's just like,, what do you do with "I feel clear" 🫥🫠
midnight drift
the last one sounds most similar, the only thing they leave for us is "I feel cl...
I wish I had some advice but for us that fragment is extremely volatile and uncooperative at the moment. If I'm able to get some more information through working with it I could let you know?
(Though I'm currently getting a lot of pushback from it at the moment/lh)
azure egret
Don't hurt yourselves or them or anything! I really appreciate you answering tho, so thank you!! We'll figure it out eventually I was just curious if anybody had something similar so we could try and process what's up I guess lol 😂
azure egret
I wish I had some advice but for us that fragment is extremely volatile and unco...
also forgot to ping <3
midnight drift
Don't hurt yourselves or them or anything! I really appreciate you answering tho...
The short answer is yes many people experience similar things and it can be a more concentrated symptom of depersonalisation
I won't be pushing specifically for the sake of answering your questions - my system and myself collectively and individually are far more important - but if I learn anything new I will let you know
wind shellBOT
there is a nonzero chance that we’re gonna seize during our exam and i really am dreading this
azure egret
The short answer is yes many people experience similar things and it can be a mo...
that makes so much sense :0 even stuff like that helps so ty 🫶
azure egret
there is a nonzero chance that we’re gonna seize during our exam and i really am...
I'm sorry, is there someone you can tell you have an aura and need to take it a different time? Good luck either way 💖💖
wind shellBOT
thanks
i’ve had this professor before, and this is a rescheduled time for the same reason, so i assume she knows to look out for it
azure egret
always good to know you're in safe hands so that's good! hope all goes as well as it can 🍀
wind shellBOT
I'm a wooden marionette doll so I'm pretty sure that counts. We do have a lot of nonhuman non-animals because we were really into horror films and fairytales as a child xxx
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
We have dolls, people who just identify as an entity. We literally have an alter called thing cause its just a thing and isn't human. We have angelic beings, demonic beings but they both look human they just don't when triggered
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
Closest we have is me, i'm mostly an idea, a blob, no real form if that makes sense
Thank you! It went really well, especially the week we have been having
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
wind shellBOT
Im literally one of those 
we are a very non-human heavy system
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
azure egret
Thank you! It went really well, especially the week we have been having
That's great! Glad to hear it went well ❤️
and thank you to all who answered my alter questions too, good to know there are others in here. maybe next time they come out (it isn't often or for long) them fronting will make things make more sense <3
-blurry atm
wind shellBOT
I am so confused- has anyone else ever just said something to someone then the next second your brain is blurry for a second and you feel like you didn't say that but logically your brain is like you did say that but it doesn't feel like you did??? Like did we switch? I guess I kinda feel different from the host but I don't understand what's happening
a lot of the time!
it's a good way of putting it into words
Um- someone just said I might be a part of a subsystem? Because I'm still in the hosts body in headspace
i don't quite have the spoons to elaborate, but yeah, i agree that this happens with us
Yes.
Unknown alter 🌸🍓 ↩️
I don’t know subsytems well sorry
Unknown alter 🌸🍓 ↩️
We have one I know that. But it took a lot of time to figure it out and I still dunno how we did
Thats fair I just feel weird and one of us upset our/the hosts partner and were all super confused
tight flax
Do any systems in the chat have a nonhuman nonanimal alter? We've been trying to...
Yea, we have an alter likethat,
young ocean
i think i may be a system but i'm not too sure does anyone have any advice?
hybrid skiff
research
weak basinBOT
GG @bleak bramble, you just advanced to level 13!
wind shellBOT
professional help ngl
us specifically (in this group chat) can't help with diagnosis, but we can provide support
DID is a HEAVY diagnosis, and there is a lot of stigma associated
pulsar wren
Do any systems in the chat have a nonhuman nonanimal alter? We've been trying to...
We have 3
Angels + introjection of concept of light ( maybe )
rocky river
Do any systems in the chat have a nonhuman nonanimal alter? We've been trying to...
Omg me
She identifies as a celestial
Not a god
She feels strong ties to the night, moon, and rain/storms
wind shellBOT
best advice is to research as other people said. you can ask in here if you have any questions but we aren’t professionals. if you can access professional help that’s better but we understand that it’s not an option for a lot of people. take it slow and don’t force or rush anything.
caspian [he/him] 5/20 books ↩️
all the talk in here about nonhuman alters made me think that we don’t really have any who would entirely describe themselves as nonhuman. we have a few that are attached to animals and fairies and such but they all still would call themselves human to an extent. no replies needed to this just found it interesting and wanted to share. /neu
azure egret
it's been very interesting reading all the different nonhuman/animal alters your systems have. it's also neat to be able to imagine what alters from every system in the chat look like if you lined everyone up. The pics some have been sending add to that too. It's also giving a lot of insight to understanding our alter a bit better. It's also helping those of us who do to not feel as embarrassed for whatever reason about this new alter and the fictive we've always had but never brought up. So thank you!
And to Caspian yes agreed, research and seeking out professional help are best
-Lex
pulsar wren
it's been very interesting reading all the different nonhuman/animal alters your...
Ohhh, we were supposed to include animals?
Then we have 4, we have a dog too
wind shellBOT
Oh my gosh us too! Me lol, I'm human but also strongly attached to lizards! /pos
blurred {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️
i’m just like…. who knows what i am. 😭 /lh /sil
all i know about myself is how i look and it/its pronouns and that’s about it lol. my age is unknown and do i have an actual name? who knows. i’d like to not find out prematurely so i just vibe in not knowing. /lh /neu
rocky river
This is Cesia
She's the protector alter
young ocean
Her hair is gorgeous
wind shellBOT
Woah what do you use to make your pictures? /genq /vpos
Ani/Jade/Cesia ↩️
limpid siren
\ off, Im not blurry anymore
pulsar wren
Woah what do you use to make your pictures? /genq /vpos
I think it’s existing art
limpid siren
Ah got it, it's really cool so i was wondering if it was a software!
rocky river
Woah what do you use to make your pictures? /genq /vpos
I google on Pinterest, choosing specific word choicing for the search (like white haired royal in her instance)
limpid siren
Oh sweet, thank you! /vgen
rocky river
Mhm!
For Jade, I searched "Chinese ancient princess" since it was the only key words that popped up with her desired look of really long, straight, black hair
Jade is the celestial alter
azure egret
Ohhh, we were supposed to include animals?
no, I meant non-human/animal, but reading it back it literally says nonhuman/animal so that's my bad haha oops
weak basinBOT
GG @azure egret, you just advanced to level 11!
wind shellBOT
Siren
Half dog , half human
Demon
No idea lol
Also no idea
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
Also no point in saying but anyway, I do have a subsystem. That was one of the gatekeepers who wasn't aware she was apart of a subsystem
Unknown alter 🌸🍓 ↩️
mossy ember
hi, to who uses simply plural !! /info /gen
weak basinBOT
GG @mossy ember, you just advanced to level 1!
green lava
rip
bleak bramble
wait so does that mean proxies don’t work?
hybrid skiff
nah its working it means it may not work
bleak bramble
aaaaaal gotcha
wind shellBOT
Why are so many people against alterhuman alters?
Especially when it comes to alters who have animal parts or who are animals?
pulsar wren
I think they assume that alters would be default human and everyone who has alterhuman alters is lying??? ( also, they probably don’t believe in alterhumans in general )
Basically the same justification as people being against queer alters/alters using neopronouns
Which is ignorance and bigotry
wind shellBOT
Yeah
wind shellBOT
i have what i’d describe as a “connection to the concept of angels” but i wouldn’t call myself an angel. is that weird? normal?
Probably normal.
cool! thought so, but our communication is a little messed up currently and i can’t access the alters who i’d normally ask this stuff to so i thought i’d ask here. :) /nav /neu
heavy steppe
New therapist was really nice and igknowlaged we say we and didn't question it at all even read our simply plural and was so nice about it 
-Denmark dang pk isn't working for me at the moment
paper crater
cool! thought so, but our communication is a little messed up currently and i ca...
Fair enough -Jamie
Oop forgot pk was down
paper crater
New therapist was really nice and igknowlaged we say we and didn't question it a...
Whoop! -Jas
wind shellBOT
What role would you give an alter that takes care of/reminds everyone else to take care of the body and basically just keep things organised irl???
it’s back now. or it should be.
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
i’d call that a caretaker or an organiser or something. not going off the more recognised role definitions, just off of the vibes.
💕 . Renée ╱ they⸝⸝ 🌸🍓 ↩️
physical caretaker?
Ooo okay!
I'd say I'm a caretaker then!
wind shellBOT
we call maisie a physical caretaker i think and they. take care of the body. so. yes- i. i agree with whoever in our system said that-
blurred {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️
oh-
i forgot why i was here to talk in the first place and now i’ve remembered ok-
today we have been very switchy very all over the place. and the only thing i can remember is kinda mid-afternoon time we were watching tv and there were some younger alters close to and in front. and our mother said “you’re in a silly mood today”. and i just- so close yet so far-
wind shellBOT
We call Sweden our carrer
pulsar wren
We just call Raine dad, ( except Prim, Prim doesn’t do it ) or any variation, mo finds it funny. Especially because Charlie calls everyone sans Raine ( and Archie ) his uncles/aunties meaning Raine is somehow both father and brother. The chaotic energy is very very real
rocky river
i have what i’d describe as a “connection to the concept of angels” but i wouldn...
Idk if it's the same, but one of ours is a celestial. Not like a god, but more like a guardian/spirit (she identifies with the moon, night, and storm/rain)
wind shellBOT
We are considering looking into Octocon, but the app hasn't come out on iOS, and a lot of servers (this one included) doesn't have the bot
wind shellBOT
Octocon app is due to be released asap
Just a few more bugs to be ironed out -Jason
Stupid autoproxy
We don’t even know a Jason
Also I’m sure we could suggest to staff getting octo in here
It has really good moderation stuff
I just suggested it in #📝suggestions
Jas || She/Her 🪽🧮 ↩️
wind shellBOT
Never heard of Octocon
It’s basically just another system bot that’s growing due to also having an app that is out on android and in testing, soon to be released, for iOS
wind shellBOT
We are having a moment today... Not the best timing but grief never is
ember vessel
the world was nice and i wasn’t blurred for most of the day just a little chaotic and now i am blurred. and that’s unfortunate. but also i’m not doing anything? so i guess it doesn’t matter? meh. :/
wind shellBOT
It can still be incredibly uncomfortable to have that sensation, be kind to yourself! Your feelings matter regardless of circumstances
🫧💫 | do not @ping ↩️
right now I feel like me but also a mix of the other 4 nordics, our host identity and the 2 kids of 2 of our alters due to were not 100% its me who is talking. Man it's tiring. Did manage to ground ourselves for a good long time and do some of a puzzle while hanging with our host identity husband though. Still feel not sure 100% who is talking but it kinda feels like me idk
ember vessel
i feel like i should just figure out who i am but also that feels time consuming so maybe i should just not but me saying this stuff kinda tells me who i am but i feel different so i dunno /nav
it’s probably just someone’s influence or something
but then if i am who’s fronting then why am i fronting??
none of this matters
why does it have to be confusing to know who i am you know, shouldn’t that just be common sense 😭 /lh /nav
midnight drift
Totally valid to feel that way but cut yourself some slack. If you're able to somewhat comfortably function and don't overwhelmingly want to figure it out, don't push
A lot of the time with this disorder you won't know who you are. Social media pushes this idea that you always know who's fronting and what's going on internally ect ect but it's just not realistic - especially for systems not yet in specialised treatment
Be kind to yourself and if you don't know, come back to it later <3
rocky river
I'm realizing the protector alter had a phase where she fronted for months on end because of my family
And she has a tendency to be unable to express emotion on our face
So that whole period smiling was impossible
wind shellBOT
Lowkey needed this-
Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️
wind shellBOT
Same here
wind shellBOT
I feel so invalid rn, like my brain is trying to convince me that im not a system so now im confused
wind shellBOT
Finally figured out who’s fronting! 🙌
We are kind of a blurry mess, but this is the best guess I am giving to it purely because we don't have a blurry proxy
That’s completely valid
wind shellBOT
Welp someone just told me being a fury doesn't mean you have alters. Like what in the world all we did was post on a DID video about how it was great to see represention when there isn't much. Never though someone would say something so just odd and not even true. Makes ya wonder? 🤔
wind shellBOT
all of our switches recently have been very fast, which is nice. but also completely out of nowhere with no warning, which is not as nice. /lh /neu
wet willow
why is the dissociation dissociating so much at the moment I hate itttt
weak basinBOT
GG @wet willow, you just advanced to level 5!
glossy prawn
idk if this is a bad question or not but what if the difference between DID and OSDD. i have been able to find out a lot on DID but i just cant find much on OSDD
limpid siren
idk if this is a bad question or not but what if the difference between DID and ...
\ That's not a bad question at all!
It mainly differs in how it presents and the severity of the symptoms.
Hopefully that helps a little bit!
wind shellBOT
1a and 1b aren’t used in the DSM-V though, just OSDD-1 /info
But they are community terms now just to help differentiate easier
I thibk
limpid siren
Yep your right! /gen
glossy prawn
\\ That's not a bad question at all!
It mainly differs in how it presents and ...
ooh alr, ty!
wet willow
gem won't let us get up and have a shower I wish I could fist fight girlie :3 - jack
our hair is like matted from dyeing it on Saturday but girl won't let me move because bed comfy
wind shellBOT
Pretty sure 1a is less distinct with amnesia and 1b is more distinct with less amnesia /info
Embers (No @'s) ☆ ↩️
pulsar wren
Jazmine’s right
weak basinBOT
GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 7!
wind shellBOT
I'm still not used to people outside of our system using my actual name excluding our therapist cause he calls me Jazz
azure egret
I wonder how many members there would be in this discord if every alter were counted as an individual member
pulsar wren
So many
Too many
We usually split like 2-4 alters at once if we split any so every few months or whatever there’ll be an additional 2-4 added to the member count and this usually happens because of stress and you know what’s stressful? Discovering folks in your system you didn’t notice before. You wanna guess how many profiles I had to add to our SP and Octo the past few weeks?
I had to add 8
We have a current member count of — let me check actually
21, That’s a relatively small system all things considered and poly fragmented systems exist and with the number of systems in this server we could easily bump the server count up a few hundred if we counted each individual alter as a different member of the server
pulsar wren
I wonder how many members there would be in this discord if every alter were cou...
To actually answer this hypothetical: getting that exact number would be difficult as a lot of systems don’t know their actual member count ( Us included! Case and point the 5 guys I didn’t notice for like way too long ). But using current known member counts would possibly work for a rough estimate but we’d need the member counts of every system in the server to calculate it and that’s kinda private info???
azure egret
It was more of a comment to throw out there, just had that thought and it made my head spin a little bit at the fact that while systems are apart of this whole community each individual within the system isn't counted so there'd prolly be like a thousand or so more. Kinda like "I wonder how many stars there are"
just a rhetorical anecdote like I just thought of another one that gave me big brain moment
I wonder how many bugs there are on the planet, one anthill alone is mind blowing
idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯
midnight drift
I wonder how many members there would be in this discord if every alter were cou...
Well it depends on who you're counting
Do fragments count? What about littles? What about alters who are dormant? What about semi-split alters? Are we counting OSDD systems with several versions of the same alter with minor differences? What about whole systems who aren't active in this server?
Answer, broadly, is that this server has so many systems that it would probably jump up by at least a thousand surely
For example, including fragments my system sits at over 40-50 and that's just what I know of
But let's not forget smaller systems who sit at 2-15 ish
pulsar wren
If we’re counting dormant alters our headcount is ~23
hybrid skiff
we are like uhhh 30? or less idk
wind shellBOT
Anyone else have a personal protector/caretaker that is pretty much always cocon or close to front when you are? I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, I don't really have anyone else to ask if that's a common occurrence.
Not one specific to me (embers) but one for the entire system and very specifically for our little so whenever our little is fronting the caretaker is close behind!
Ah, that's neat to hear. We can relate to that. We have someone I know for sure that takes care of ours and are always with them when they're close to front or fronting. There's more than one who takes care of them though, but some stay inside more than others. But there's someone I personally am close to but I'm not sure if she's a general protector/caretaker or if she's just close with me bc I am the host and she helps take care of the body. We (as a system) also just don't have very good communication so that just makes things difficult sometimes. I know it'll most likely get better we're just still new to being aware of each other. Especially me (host) seems to be more clueless than others sometimes lol.
Thanks so much for responding btw
Fair enough, that makes sense to me. Whether she is close to you as the host or just because you need help it's nice to have someone like that in the system. It will get better as you get to know more about each other and work on well system stuff lol.
Levi (he/they) ↩️
Of course! 
Levi (he/they) ↩️
If we add fragments that puts us at 850 apparently lol
Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️
(Laughing to cope 😭 )
Thanks. Yeah, I really appreciate her, it's nice to have someone to help when we need it and where I can't help. It's definitely stressful when I don't know much about anything but I know we'll get better at that.
Blendy ☆ ↩️
weak basinBOT
GG @pine marsh, you just advanced to level 2!
wind shellBOT
Wow, kudos to you for having even documented all of that lol
wind shellBOT
Gatekeepers ^^
digital abyss
43 
wind shellBOT
meowdy
wet willow
helooo - jack
azure egret
hi
wind shellBOT
I love how different people say hello differently its actually really cool/fun lol
wind shellBOT
It is pretty cool. I also like saying it in my native language sometimes which can be hae or halló. First one is a smiple hi or hello and halló is another common way to say hello similar to hello in English
heyo !!
ember vessel
\ sorry to break the greetings train but-
how does a fragment feel in comparison to a fully formed alter?
i don’t think that’s good wording but i don’t know how else to say what i mean right now so if anybody needs clarification it might be a while until i can clarify it- /lh
wind shellBOT
I don't think fragments front and I know ours don't/can't and the only difference I know ab is fragments are just kinda there and don't rly do anything and fully formed they can talk and can have a job or not and move around and have a life in headspace and fragments kinda are more like concoiusnesses for us if that makes any sense.
pulsar wren
our fragments front and the such but they're quite overly specific in what they front for and don't really have much in the way of personality/interests/identity
bleak bramble
we have a few fragments but they never front alone
wind shellBOT
Yea it's different for everyone. I'm usually the one answering questions but Vaughn did this time lol
midnight drift
Our fragments actually front pretty regularly and are rarely co-fronting though they tend to be constantly co-con with either another fragment or a main alter
It's very true that it's different for everyone
For us they almost seem to work as a sub system though I'm not certain about that. It's difficult to get much info because they're so locked away and are generally not aware of the rest of our system
green lava
fragments for us typically only hold a memory or emotion or a triggered state, etc and only front for those things and dont have any other “identity” aside from many just a name and appearance
a fully formed alter will have their range of dislikes, likes, hobbies, interests, etc. fragments typically do not until they are fully formed
(for us)
ember vessel
thank you for all the answers. :) /gen
wet willow
I'm a new alter and this is all so strange to me. This body is nothing like my own and it's strange. - Aster, a Technoblade introject.
wind shellBOT
Hiya o// introject from a mcrp as well as a nonhuman here 
itll be weird for a lil but everything will adjust. Do u need help w/ grounding?
wind shellBOT
I hate all of the confusion that comes along with having alters. So many times, things get muddled and people stress out or doubt themselves. Our host in particular has been struggling with denial and doubt, overthinking and feeling like he's delusional. I try to get through to him when he's like this but sometimes I can't/he won't listen. Does anyone have any tips or ways that can/have helped an alter struggling with that kind of thing?
wind shellBOT
Our previous host (the one who identifies with the body most and thought she was a singlet) kinda lost her mind a bit when she finally realised it, and our gatekeeper let her know about one alter at a time and let her process things until we were good
it still gets pretty confusing, but sometimes she cannot deny it when our friend comes over and says “your voice and mannerisms are different between people”
midnight drift
fragments for us typically only hold a memory or emotion or a triggered state, e...
Re; the previous convo about fragments
This is relative accurate for us too. For me I will usually use the metaphor of segments of an orange
My fragments present as similar but slightly different parts of the same person.
We seemingly didn't have a host but just had the fragments constantly co-con/switching in and out - they're similar enough that the slight mood and personalities changes aren't notable which is how we kept up being unaware of most of the system.
Our fragments tend to have some level of personal identity, opinion ect but it's limited and all within the same line of thinking usually
wind shellBOT
Honestly, just hardcore evidence. Whenever I or our previous host would go into denial alters will just kinda push memories foward. Like the memory of our previous host "waking up" after being conscious while walking then not remembering what happened during the walk or how they got to where they were. Or for me, the time I was, like usual sobbing in the shower but another alter took over and all crying stopped immediately and all feelings of distress and sadness disappeared or how if im sad "I" can go from sad to happy with a different name and personality and look and likes and Dislikes to someone calm and uncaring. Or how when I was having really bad anxiety someone else switched in and all the anxiety left as soon as I stepped back. Just stuff like that can help but that's specifically for me/us if that makes sense, so use whatever works for you
Sally (she/they) ↩️
wet willow
Hiya o// introject from a mcrp as well as a nonhuman here <a:glaggle_wave:125959...
he's doing alright now but thank you :] - Niki
plain pumice
How did people choose a system name? /nfta
azure egret
I'm kinda curious too
wind shellBOT
Just went with something we liked collectively, we all like “Foundation” by Isaac Asimov, and there’s an item called “The Prime Radiant”
And thus “The Prime Radiants” became our system name
Tag then came from it.
wing because angles get confused with angels a lot 😭
Abacus because the prime numbers
name generator 0-0
limpid siren
How did people choose a system name? /nfta
It came from a nickname at camp where nobody knew me as kaitlyn and just Embers and it kind of stuck! 🔥
wind shellBOT
We didnt want a "trafitional" system name where it has collective or system or whatever at the end of it
we wanted a weirdcore collective persona
took inspo from the twitch streamer voidtaffy (all caps)
we are just out username
ToothVoid 
Ollie ↩️
wind shellBOT
@loud acorn said it as a joke.
Ollie ↩️
wet willow
we don't have one that we solidly stick to but when people ask, we usually say 'the capgrass collective' as it's a reference to a will wood song which our username is based off of :} - Tango
stable sapphire
How did people choose a system name? /nfta
\ We go with the colour theme we want and pick a name to match the colour theme at least for our current one (Strawberry Acai) and for oldest one it was just based off what we liked
wet willow
i love will wood
omg omg real we've been so obsessed it took over our life for ages
pulsar wren
How did people choose a system name? /nfta
Our system just went:
“so, we’re all cool with crows, right?”
“Yep” x 4
“Cool”
And then I put ‘collective’ at the end for alliteration
So, crows collective
wind shellBOT
Ours was basically our name we use for like online is ratsincoats or somevariation so we were like lets stay with the rats theme and be ratbags
wind shellBOT
systems who use pk
do yall who struggle w pings ever proxy to get away from the pings 😭🙏
bc some ppl cant read the "no @s"
#📷pics-and-videos message ….literally did this an hour ago-
thats whag gave me the thought BAHAH
i saw fhat and was like "yeah me too"
it’s like. i just wanna not proxy for a bit- the lag of the proxy is annoying me- i don’t know who i am- i wanna not proxy- oh look i’ve been pinged a bunch of times- guess i’m proxying thennnn-
it’s always me.
and that’s because i have mod in my name-
and have permission to warn people-
but-
i want to warn people but then i’m also like. maybe they just don’t understand how pings work- so then i don’t- but i will threaten a warning- because i can warn- and i will- because it’s annoying- and triggering- and blatantly disrespectful- so-
anyways.
Yes
🧨 MENDAX﹗HE/THEY — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
i wish pings didn’t exist.
and then i could like. exist without proxying. and not have to stare at the lag whenever i send a message while proxied- because it’s been annoying me lately- and i could vibe freely.
I like pings for getting my attention but they also cause a lot of anxiety so yea I get that
I know Octocon is really quick with the proxy!
limpid siren
\ jk im not ciel rn
wind shellBOT
yes. it’s like. getting too much of my attention if that makes sense because it genuinely scares me- 😭 /lh
💌 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🍒🍓 ↩️
we don’t wanna use octocon for the time being. /lh
(not because it’s not in the server. for other reasons.)
Ciel ☆ ↩️
Yea! I totally get that. We had this bot I forgot the name that you can set afk mode so it sends a message to not ping! You could suggest getting theat so people see not to ping you but they still do sometimes- 😭
ryn {they/it} [MOD] 🫧💫 ↩️
limpid siren
I think fibo does that!
wind shellBOT
Too lazy to change over we have over 200 alters and ik we can export but learning how to use it too is way more than we're ready for
Ciel ☆ ↩️
Yup! That was the bot
Embers (No @'s) ☆ ↩️
dms stan /sil
💌 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🍒🍓 ↩️
i could ping him-
It's a good idea lol
i haven’t pinged stan in agessss-
I'm too scared to
People scare me
(i used to ping him randomly for context and i’m 90% sure that is how we became friends. 😭)
Fair enough
We're kinda just loners
Gl! Gotta go :)
that’s valid. we have a lot more friends online than irl. which. is. because socialising is scary-
💌 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🍒🍓 ↩️
byeeee.
💌 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🍒🍓 ↩️
wind shellBOT
We dont have an android so we dont find use in jt
Ciel ☆ ↩️
we have it in many servers. the highlight of pings can trigger seizures for some reason
💌 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🍒🍓 ↩️
pulsar wren
We dont have an android so we dont find use in jt
It’s getting there! Once Apple stops sucking
Apple is petty fr fr
plain pumice
Thank you so much for everyone’s reply, it’s really helpful to hear them all /gen
wind shellBOT
Yea I remember lol. You were in one of our pervious hosts servers and you had it so we remember not to ping you guys :)
🧨 MENDAX﹗HE/THEY — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
digital abyss
Yea I remember lol. You were in one of our pervious hosts servers and you had it...
Ooga yes i remember yall
wind shellBOT
Yea our old host kinda ruined whatever reputation we had though. But it's wtv ig
TOOTHVOiD — ?¿ ⋆ . [NO @s] ↩️
digital abyss
giggling bro was a work
canon DID event i fear
really goofy bad host and then they just disappear
and yer like "hello thanks for making everyone hate us before exploding"
wind shellBOT
They ||fused|| with a protector named Jess to create Jazz, our current host who's much better and older than Mara so more mature.
wind shellBOT
It is a bit weird because Jazz is 18 while the body is a couple years younger.
Our hosts and frequent fronters are all older than the body.
digital abyss
and yer like "hello thanks for making everyone hate us before exploding"
this is a joke btw i jst have several friends whom ex hosts make them have awful reputations, including us
points and glared at gray and sirius
wind shellBOT
Yes. We lost a lot of friends due to Mara's actions.
TOOTHVOiD — ?¿ ⋆ . [NO @s] ↩️
wind shellBOT
That's fair.
TOOTHVOiD — ?¿ ⋆ . [NO @s] ↩️
We simply don't interact with people if we know we can't be kind.
digital abyss
nods
theyre better
healed trauma
that was in 2022
when they were like that
so its been a bit
i thought i was the host i am nawt gail
we lose these
i hate when the dissociative identity disorder makes my identity dissociate
wind shellBOT
Agreed. We are only now coming to terms with not always being able to know who is in front.
TOOTHVOiD — ?¿ ⋆ . [NO @s] ↩️
ong 🙏 finding out it is not 2021 and i am not 15 was an experience bro dormancy does weird shit
Sounds like it. Hopefully you were able/are able to overcome that.
wind shellBOT
We switched hosts recently and so far the new host is a lot better! Her name is Amber
green lava
does anyone here have alters that are like, basically versions of eachother but they are indeed seperate alters
and they go by diff names
but the way that they are is VERY similar to eachother minus a few distinctions
they have distinctions and key differences, but other than that are like, soooo similar to eachother in so many ways
wind shellBOT
Sure.
green lava
we have a few alters that are not like anyone else and very distinct, but we have a few that are very similar to eachother in many ways
it causes lots of confusion which im still trying to figure out 😭 and amnesia walls dont help
weak basinBOT
GG @green lava, you just advanced to level 3!
wind shellBOT
We have similar alters we can barely tell the difference between.
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
However we let them identify themselves if possible or just do not concern ourselves with figuring out anyone's identities.
green lava
this is a joke btw i jst have several friends whom ex hosts make them have awful...
hahahhahahahahshahhshaha glares at my system
green lava
i hate when the dissociative identity disorder makes my identity dissociate
REAL asf
green lava
However we let them identify themselves if possible or just do not concern ourse...
yeah that makes sense
we try to be organized as it helps with our healing but if alters arent ready to be open, i never force them. they become open when they are ready
ive been super blurry the past while but i believe its due to figuring out host and splits that happened months ago, which i THOUGHT i had figured out! (newsflash. i did not.)
wind shellBOT
Not really afaik, I think it’s more common in OSDD than DID
(We suspect we have DID as we display lots of the symptoms and are trying to get an assessment)
» SOLAR !! — ☀ ↩️
Owe yes me and my big brother Norway are very similar to each other
wind shellBOT
Time for me to clean the bedroom of the host (spoiler alert: Its actually really bad)
Wait, oops, its not the host’s fault (forgot we switched hosts). *the body’s bedroom
good luck /gen
azure egret
We feel you, good luck! breaks are good and progress is progress no matter the amount 🫶
-Sandy
wind shellBOT
Thanks! :)
green lava
Not really afaik, I think it’s more common in OSDD than DID
(We suspect we have ...
im pretty sure we have DID but we are only medically recognized by our trauma therapist, dont have an official on paper diagnosis yet
however i think it might have to do with subsystems for us. the alters that are very similar seem to be in subsystems
i do know that my experience is normal within systems with both DID and OSDD but i was just curious about talking to other systems abt it
i feel less alone that way pfft
ember vessel
\ do other systems struggle to tell if an alter is a fictive?
i feel like i’m losing my mind trying to figure this out and i don’t think it should be this hard? /lh
i know i’m probably a mix of a bunch of different fragments and i assume the brain latched onto this character. and obviously all fictives are different in attachment to source but i feel like i should just know? /lh /nav
wind shellBOT
We don't even know what we suspect at this point tbh. Like we had blackout amnesia as a kid and still lots today but at the same time we can remember a lot between switches but also at the same time like when Mood was here yesterday I came back and even though I had the memory if Mood existing and talking I was still confused who it was and didn't exactly remember what he said. Our brain has just given up but we feel kinda fake using DID now 😭
Jas || She/Her 🪽🧮 ↩️
We just go
“Oh yeah we have alters and amnesia”
Instead of
“We have DID”
Most of the time because I don’t wanna say we have something and then we don’t
Also amnesia to fulfil DID criteria doesn’t have to always be full black out amnesia
I know but idk the DID systems I've actually really talked to usually have occasional blackout amnesia but we I think we're just kinda rocking with no label rn
tw animal passing ||The dissociation got bad today. Our host identity mom just told them their last childhood cat passed away and our host is crushed. They are so far from front that they don't want to be seen and sometimes we hear them begging for their kitty to come back because they were their baby and helped them through so many dark times. Gosh our host identity was starting to front again but now they aren't anymore. We have therapy on the 19thand this is gonna be a big can of worms to open to our therapist especially since animal death has always left permanent marks on our host and no matter how hars they they they can never recover and always cry when they hear their passed cats names|| Sad when progress goes backwards due to something like this
Since we can't afford a diagnosis but our pshyc told us what we would be from the tests we took if only we could afford to get the lable. We just say we are a system with 13 alters and have very bad amnesia along with our already bad memory problems
Jas || She/Her 🪽🧮 ↩️
wind shellBOT
Afford?-
Emile Steilsson Iceland 🍪 ↩️
wind shellBOT
Probably live somewhere where they have to pay for an assessment to get the diagnosis
And it’s probably a decent bit of money
wind shellBOT
Yes we have to pay out of pocket to get diagnosed because it's not one of the diagnoses that are covered on our insurance for adults to get
There may be professional work around but if there are any we don't know about them at all
There may be professional work arounds but if there are any we don't know about them at all and most insurance here won't pay for diagnoses for adults for many things. Kids get more coverage then adults then again covrage for most stuff here of any age sucks
hybrid skiff
\\ sorry to break the greetings train but-
how does a fragment feel in comparis...
I know for us it can feel very dissocating to them most of the time and bigger memory gaps and not a clear identity yet. depends on the alter tbh
wind shellBOT
Fair enough, we are a minor bodily so that does make it easier but we get free healthcare here so it's also not that much to get help
Emile Steilsson Iceland 🍪 ↩️
I know just kinda surprised me I guess that people still have to pay to get something they might need to live a stable life yk?
Jas || She/Her 🪽🧮 ↩️
wind shellBOT
Owe trust us our host could get faster help to getting social security if they could get this paied for
wind shellBOT
we live in canada. its always talked about “free healthcare” here, but its not when it comes to certain things. mental health included.
the reason we do not have a professional diagnosis is because a full assessment (which would be needed for diagnosing DID and complex dissociative disorders) costs $5000+ out of pocket. there is no insurance for us as we do not have access to it, and no resources that cover that type of assessment. (trust me, we’ve looked into it.) this is why we are currently only “medically recognized” by our trauma therapist.
💌 . Jazmine ╱ they⸝⸝ 🩷🤍 ↩️
wind shellBOT
We live in Canada too lol idk I guess it's cause we didn't aim for an assessment and just told our therapist our symptoms and he recognised what it was. We knew it would be hard to get heard as a "teenage girl" so we took the safe way of letting him figure it out
» MARA 🎧 ៸៸ they/she/he [ ☀ ] ↩️
wind shellBOT
I cannot find the specific message about being able to afford a diagnosis, but with the United States, things that are routine, such as getting an inhaler, can cost up to $300 even WITH health insurance.
There is also a noted price increase in areas of colour, which makes getting access to care harder.
When it comes to mental health diagnostic tests and access to care, it can dramatically range based on insurance plan/coverage and the institution that is conducting the diagnostic testing. We got out ASD diagnosed for $75 through insurance and student discount, but our friend had to pay $600 while still having insurance and student discount.
carmine dune
fronting fatigue is so fucking real
wind shellBOT
Oof. We don't even know how much ours costs. We never bothered to ask or check
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽Cerena☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ (✨🌿) ↩️
Yes. We will be heading to be however so have a goodnight to everyone here.
hollow orchid
\ Good night!! -Ozzy
midnight drift
On the topic of diagnosis:
Everyone thinks because the UK has the NHS that our healthcare is free and it's just not. If you have "normal" problems or anything easily treatable - yes! It's great!
Otherwise it's absolutely shit.
I'm currently unable to access diagnosis because I would have to pay £1000+ not including traveling to the place offering it. I have fortunately found a very specific loophole but that has an extremely long wait list
wind shellBOT
Oh yeah no NHS is good when you need emergency help with, for example, a broken leg.
But as soon as you go to your doctor saying “I think I have depression and am really struggling” it’ll be 3 months for an assessment and if you’re “not bad enough” another 12-18 months for therapy
wet willow
and also, if your under 18 you don't get taken seriously at all. especially with mental health unless your in the hospital for it. cahms suck so bad - Tango
wind shellBOT
We’re lucky enough to have a decent psychologist this time around. But it’s taken 3.5 years to get to the point where we’re being listened to about “it’s not just anxiety”
(Didn’t know about our system until last year though.)
But yeah no one believed that what I’d gone through had actually affected me much
wet willow
I'm glad tho that they're finally taking you seriously! sucks just how long it takes though I swear - tango
wind shellBOT
i have somewhat figured it out. i think.
🫧💫 | do not @ping ↩️
ember vessel
\ didn’t meant to proxy.
i now just don’t really feel comfortable with being portrayed as that character online. but the only pfp i feel comfortable with is of the character. so uh, bit conflicted lol.
pulsar wren
\\ do other systems struggle to tell if an alter is a fictive?
A bit. half the reason is that we have Wren who latches onto fictional characters in a similar way a fictive would sometimes causing what we refer to as ‘false fictives’. With this confusion it’s hard to tell if a suspected fictive is Wren, a new split, or just us super relating to a character
wind shellBOT
I think our former host split-
So now we have Ozzy and someone else who we haven’t met yet.
wind shellBOT
For real, I've been up front almost all the time the past few days because the body has had/still has a virus. I'm the one who typically fronts to deal with when the body is sick but doing so is super exhausting.
ItoTheWindwaker ↩️
wind shellBOT
Yes many of us at front are experiencing this
ItoTheWindwaker ↩️
wind shellBOT
How do ppl get friends??? People don't talk to me as much cause I'm not the host 😭 😭
wind shellBOT
I've been wondering the same thing 😭
Why do we lowkey have tinkerbell fictives too??
Really? That's so cool. We've never met anyone else with tinkerbell fictives but we also don't really know or talk to many other systems lol
We do too
weak basinBOT
GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 8!
wind shellBOT
Yea, Fawn and Rosetta
Bobble (He/Him) ↩️
wind shellBOT
Silvermist and Periwinkle to my knowledge! ^^
green lava
this convo made me realize i wanna rewatch the tinkerbell movies its been so long
i love them sm
wind shellBOT
they’re so good omg 😭
wind shellBOT
How do you find more alters? Cuz we recently found another one (possibly split from former host) and were wondering for documentation purposes!
They just spawn in for us
hybrid skiff
this convo made me realize i wanna rewatch the tinkerbell movies its been so lon...
sammmee I love tinkerbelll
hybrid skiff
They just spawn in for us
yeah they just show up honestly
wind shellBOT
normally for us a group will show up around the same time. like either on the same day or within a week we’ll just have gained knowledge of 3 or 4 more alters who’ve all been here for different amounts of time.
we don’t really go looking for them intentionally.
green lava
How do you find more alters? Cuz we recently found another one (possibly split f...
discovering new alters is difficult
i know for us, if we push too hard alters show themselves less. its an alters own decision to show themselves to the rest of the system and i find letting them do that at their own pace and help make them feel safe in the meantime is the best way. unfortunately, some alters, especially those who hold trauma, are harder to “find” and obviously, do NOT trigger yourself to try and figure out stuff about your system, it never ends well. only do so if you are with a professional
as others have said, for our case, alters just kinda show up when they are ready
basically, dont put pressure on your alters or system to be more open. it takes time. its hidden usually for a good reason. just keep working towards healing and helping your system feel comfortable best you can
thats personally my advice w/ it
hybrid skiff
mhm
yes they are hidden for a reason and I wouldn’t attempt to try to force it. it will happen naturally
whenever your brain is ready
wind shellBOT
Thanks guys!
azure egret
does any other system deal with feeling drastically different about somebody alter to alter? We're giving ourselves and I'm sure others around us whiplash and it's really confusing ^^;
-Xander? idk mostly blurry foggy feeling
bleak bramble
100%
we have one alter that cannot really handle how high energy our one friend is
to the point of avoidance
azure egret
do you have any tips on figuring out how to manage all the different feelings? If not it's good to know we're not by ourselves with that, I wish the specific alter you mentioned luck with the energetic friend 💚!
wind shellBOT
mhm! some of us have very different feelings towards our parents, family, friends and our host is in a romantic relationship when nobody else in the system is with that person. (or anybody else for that matter.)
generally if an alter is uncomfortable with someone we’re with then they won’t front. and if they are in front and it’s unsafe to say that they aren’t the host then sadly it’s just a case of masking for us. if we’re trying to figure it out then just spending the time, however long it takes. it sucks but we don’t really know what to do otherwise… /lh
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
i’m very neutral towards our parents, some others are very hostile, and some love them. some are a little more complicated than that though. just as an example. :)
wow pk is slow! /ot
azure egret
alright, thank you for answering! I guess masking will have to be the tool some of us resort to too. Idk if one of the alters that are better at masking can come to front willingly?? we can't really control who is where and when it's hard haha/lh
we shall try!! (✪㉨✪)
hollow orchid
Yep! I second what Cassidy said!
wind shellBOT
pk? are you there? /j
Oop took a sec
i think it’s a little down at the moment. being verrrrry slow!
Yeahh
azure egret
we gotta figure out how to set up the pk thing... probably some other time when it's working a bit smoother though haha
wind shellBOT
if you need any help and we’re around then you can ask us! obviously, when it’s working better, but we’re pretty good at it i think.
the website is maybe an easier thing to use rather than the commands.
it’s funny because some of us prefer the website and some prefer the commands but everyone collectively agrees that using the website for descriptions is so much easier heh.
azure egret
that would be awesome! we'll try the website at some other time first to see if we can figure it out. The alter that made sense of what it is to begin with hasn't been around much lately but we shall see
૮ ・ﻌ・ა
wind shellBOT
it’s hard to get the hang of! there’s some commands that i look at and think “who came up with this?” genuinely. not to discourage you! /lh
i hope you find it easy! /gen
wind shellBOT
New therapist got to talk to Iceland and even coxed me out to front. Very nice guy if I do say so myself. I was nervous and my autism was a bit triggered but we got some god conversations going and even learned more about the dam-5 for some conditions which was fascinating. Our goal is to get our host identity comfortable enough to front again so our therapist can talk to them next appointment. So we got some extra care and love to give these 2 weeks
wind shellBOT
We didn’t know about a website 😭
cassidy {she/they} 🫧💫 ↩️
How do you know if you've accidentally split off a fragment?
it’s very helpful. 😭
Amber +[She/They] { 📜 } ↩️
i hope you find it easier- because- yeah-
you’re welcome i think-
i have no idea but i hope you figure it out. /gen
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽Cerena☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ (✨🌿) ↩️
you know fair enough
weak basinBOT
GG @paper oasis, you just advanced to level 1!
wind shellBOT
oh yeah 100% one of us does not our boyfriend it's so annoying
Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️
wind shellBOT
has anyone ever passed out in headspace but the body has been fine?
Not sure what this means 
like sort of you fainted, but the body didn’t actually.
uhhh
like i fainted
but the body was completely fine
wind shellBOT
i guess mentally? maybe?
hybrid skiff
???? thats not a thing broski but maybe you felt so tired or mnetally drained? passed out in hs??
plain pumice
has anyone ever passed out in headspace but the body has been fine?
I think something similar has happened to a friend of mine, would suggest talking to a professional if you have access to one. /gen
midnight drift
Extreme dissociation can present as passing out but so can dissociative seizures. Either way I'd get it checked
wind shellBOT
i have therapy on thursday so can mention it
wind shellBOT
i doubt it's dissociative seizures, probably was just really bad dissociation for Ace as he did get riggered from waht I know
wind shellBOT
Out of curiosity, how did your symptoms present before you were aware that you were a system? Like, how did your brain decide to logic or make 'sense' of things before you found out what was actually going on? It's something our friend brought up and we thought about it and had quite a thought provoking conversation.
We made logic out of it by convincing ourself for a solid three years that we had a thing called OLP synesthesia and it was just our brain being funky
wind shellBOT
Oh wow, we have certain types of synesthesia (grapheme-color and chromesthesia mainly) but only recently heard of that kind. It's really baffling how convincing your brain can be when it comes to this type of thing. I know for us, we had just thought that "Oh, I just have bad memory" or things like that. And we were convinced that since we had heard other people talk about "a part of me says to not do it" or people saying things about how they talk to themselves, that nothing was wrong. Everything was 'normal' and we just chalked things up to a terrible memory.
I guess we just clung to everything being due to having a terrible memory until we couldn't anymore.
Yes we've definitely based on "a part of me says not to do it". That was a really big thing for us for a long time.
Blurry 🫧 (They/Them) ↩️
pulsar wren
Out of curiosity, how did your symptoms present before you were aware that you w...
Genuinely anything before we discovered it is a complete haze for me and anything before like the beginning of this year is blurry. I think part of it is that I’m part of a subsystem and our memories blend a little at the edges. I’m pretty sure our brain used the logic that ‘humans aren’t supposed to remember that much,’ you know when people say “oh, I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning,” it made us think that huge memory gaps were completely and utterly usual for the human species
Also, ‘we’ here refers to The Hive Subsys and not our entire system because everyone but that system was very much aware and continues to be
wind shellBOT
Same here with that. We’re not a part of a subsys though
ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️
midnight drift
Out of curiosity, how did your symptoms present before you were aware that you w...
As far as I know our "host" was a collection of fragments who were all similar enough that switching wasn't particularly noticeable. It seemed closer to a shift in mood than it did a switch in identity. I explain our fragments like segments of an orange - they're like parts of one person.
I did also have "full" alters but I didn't really know what they were. Once again they seemed like parts of me but were far more distinct and could actually communicate with the host/s.
The way I described it to my therapist at the time was "me but not quite me in my head"
Aka they exist in my head and they seem like parts of me but have their own personalities and opinions and we have conversations ect
This isn't how everyone experiences things but to the best of my knowledge (trying to work through with amnesia ofc) this seems mostly accurate.
Note:
Because we have so many fragments who all consider/ed themselves host - we have many alters who go by Alex or some variation thereof
It's a nightmare./lh
wind shellBOT
Thought it was the loneliness getting to us and was living so in the present that we didn't notice that we couldn't remember that much and then just ignored the blackouts and thought we were crazy and the heavy dissociation we just assumed we had adhd and we were zoning out a lot also just thought we were just weird because we could go from crying to not crying and be completely fine within a second and overall just dismissed everything as us being quirky also we've always said we but we just assumed because we would have so much daydreams we were only talking about those people in daydreams we made up or just talking about a group even when there wasn't a group
Blurry 🫧 (They/Them) ↩️
wind shellBOT
We have been talking with our therapist and last session we came to the conclusion that before we reviled all ourselves in the system we all were here to help our host identity with there truama and mental health in the form of imaginary friends. We did deep diving with our therapist and we concluded we were like that so our host identity wouldn't be ridiculed, made fun of or have go through more rigurus mental health stuff when they were already dealing with that since age 5 with their adhd that is to this day really bad. Back then ||they were still going through the rainbow of adhd meds and dealing with sideffects and feeling like a experiment. Our Therapist and us are coming around to the fact that one of the things that caused us to show up was the truama behind feeling like a experiment because of all the meds they were being put on||
Blurry 🫧 (They/Them) ↩️
wind shellBOT
Another day of not feeling valid as a system…
limpid siren
Right there with you, the imposter syndrome is hitting hard today 🫂
wind shellBOT
i don’t know if i’m meant to ask here but i can’t figure out a name and none of our listed ones are working so does anybody have any suggestions
preferably gender neutral and i don’t know about specific vibes
limpid siren
Those are just a few, i've got a long list I can send in #promotions or somewhere else
wind shellBOT
i don’t know if any name will work :/
limpid siren
That's really tough, i know people in my system tend to have a "vibe" or image that they tend to go to, is there anything like that that would work?
Maybe like an emoji or something?
wind shellBOT
my emoji is 🐺 but that’s because we needed a temporary name and we went with wolf
then we changed to another name and i didn’t like that either but i’ve just been ?? for months now (i was found in november 2024)
i don’t really know much about me i guess
i’m not using my proxy because i’m trying to fix the pfp
ember vessel
\ the one name they found that works they don’t wanna use heh-
maiden bronze
Sasha maybe? both women and men use that name, so it seems quite gender neutral(to me atleast?) /g
wind shellBOT
Yeah
Embers (No @'s) ☆ ↩️
Oh er- thats not me-
i’m gonna make a list up for them to look at and i’ll add sasha onto it.
thanks for the suggestion! /gen
Ari pls ping ↩️
wind shellBOT
really long list of names created.
i added the list of new names to the list of old names. so it’s now a really long list of names.
wind shellBOT
yeah we don’t share that i don’t think haha. /lh
it’s not the same name.
that proxy, the blurred proxy, will have that in the description. or it should at least.
if it doesn’t then i don’t know how to fix that.
.
hot rock
Alright. Thanks for showing me a cool feature I didn’t knew existed! Is it alright if I just refer to you as “they” instead?
wind shellBOT
mhm! collectively we use they/them. :)
Matthew (pls @) ↩️
also you’re welcome!
we love seeing how other systems use the functions of pk. the pronouns and descriptions specifically!
if you’re having a long conversation with us while we’re using the blurred proxy or something similar, then it might be easier to ask for a name and pronouns in the chat. but i think that’s a bit useless if you’re stopping in for a couple seconds to reference something we’ve said. especially when we’ve switched since then haha. /lh
i need to go through and check the variety of blurred proxies we have now heh… /lh
gosh i do talk a lot-
hot rock
if you’re having a long conversation with us while we’re using the blurred proxy...
I’m a bit confused about this blurry name. Is it an altar in itself or is it like the body’s name, or? Not trying to offend you by any means. Just really confused. /lh
hot rock
gosh i do talk a lot-
No worries! I think it’s interesting to learn about :)
wind shellBOT
it’s kind of what it feels like to have multiple alters in front! our identities feel blurred together. like the lines between who’s who are blurred. but we do know the main people there.
blendy is how we describe when we know there’s multiple people in front but everything’s so blended that we can’t figure out who is actually in front.
i know other systems use the terms differently but that’s how it feels to us.
Matthew (pls @) ↩️
hot rock
blurry means that you can’t tell who’s fronting
Oh. Is this like a term specific to the DID?
hollow orchid
did/osdd!
hot rock
Right. Thanks for correcting me /lh
hollow orchid
ofc!
hot rock
Okay, so blurry isn’t an actual name? More of a feeling?
hot rock
Ah thanks for clarifying! I’ve thought it was the system’s name lol
wind shellBOT
yeah, pretty sure it is for most systems
i understand that
that’s why it’s a little annoying to be called blurry/blurred. because it can make the blur worse for us and that normally gives us a worse headache and all the other things heh. /lh /nm
it’s completely ok to not know obviously! which is why we try to tell people so they know to not use blurry/blurred as a name. (for us, others might feel differently.)
same as well
i think our blurry proxies have like “Status: blurry” as a way to avoid confusion, also because we mainly use octo so it looks better in the app like that haha
ok i am going to go check our other blurred-related proxies and update their descriptions because i don’t believe they have any! i’ll come back and check in, but just if i’m a little slow at replying to anything. :)
i think ours is literally just blurry, but i’ll check
test
that’s a good idea! /gen
Ace || He/They 🪽🧮 ↩️
yeah, ours is just blurry :’)
we changed ours from blurry to blurred to give it more of an action… i guess. i’m not sure how well that comes across but-
wait so on sp that would be custom front?
i should totally organize once im done with all the stuff i have to do today 😭
basically, but because it’s octo, they don’t have that yet, so they’re “untracked alters”.
but it means you can proxy as them as well
ohh, cool!
I did a bit of organising today haha, it basically just consisted of changing “active alters” to those who had fronted this month, our system changes a lot month to month unfortunately
Alex +[She/They] { 📜 } ↩️
yeah, i understand that
today, we get to go to the gym, finish reading a book for school, violin practice and finishing a deep clean of our room
Ooo a fellow violin player
yep! we’ve been playing for 11 years, i think
14 years here
awesome!
I myself cannot play well, but our host is awesome
that’s really cool!! our host and i are quite good, i’d say, but there are some who try in our sys 😭
yeah
Good way for us to not fakeclaim ourselves though because of the obvious loss of ability
we’re slowly working through organising on sp and pk but it’s so tedious. /lh
like what do i add to a pk description and how do i get everyone to tell me their boundaries without causing chaos-
kinda off topic now but uhm.
Don’t worry
We can’t exactly help you with that, apart from saying to get a gatekeeper who might know stuff to do it
i can guess for most of them, just based off of the notes we have. but at the same time some of us are so sensitive to switching at the mere mention of their name that its hard to not cause chaos- /lh
