self hatred, atleast i thought
#DID/OSDD-1 System Chat
heady hornet
it fronted and truly believed it was me while cogito and i were virtually screaming at it watching what was going on.
it was trying to convince all of our friends it was all fake
then
it gained consciousness, almost.
realised that it is seperate.
it made it worse.
it is a persecutor.
it is so bad. i am so scared, honest to god. i can watch everything, my memory gets a little hazy in some parts but i was watching and god it
i
i dont know what to do
im afraid it's going to hurt me
ihate to say it but it's right, some of my friends are dumb and believed it briefly
it can probably actually convince them
this is what it said
just to my partner (and cogito's technically. we're not as individual with him and a little more fluid)
It wants to hurt me.
it's inactive right now, so is cogito.
i don't know what to do anymore. it's only been a few days of awareness and everything has gone haywire.
i need help
advice
anyone who has dealt with a persecutor alter
wind shellBOT
-# pssst you may want to spoil that for derealzation
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
We have a whole catelouge of persecutors and what we do is create ground rules of who they are allowed to interact with and who they arent. Some are not allowed to interact at all with anyone. Majority is our partner system only. thats what we do at least
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
heady hornet
We have a whole catelouge of persecutors and what we do is create ground rules o...
How do I get the persecutor to listen to me?
pulsar wren
anyone who has dealt with a persecutor alter
Prim used to be a persector. They've mellowed though so we've removed that label from them
heady hornet
How do I stop it though??? I'm getting genuinely scared.
pulsar wren
( and discord is refusing to send our messages, typical )
heady hornet
Oh, wait, we're Cogito right now.
wind shellBOT
I forgot to use the proxy.
pulsar wren
How do I stop it though??? I'm getting genuinely scared.
Most persectors think they're protecting the system with what they're doing, they're not intentionally attempting something negative, they're not evil. But also, they're not exactly all gonna be the nicest folks on the planet once you get to know them, ours is a vendictive prick and Prim's still abrasive even after they stopped actively hurting us, not to say they can't be nice but your chief priority should be harm reduction
first off; do you got a gatekeeper?
wind shellBOT
There are only 3 including the host, and the persecutor. I assume that's... Kind of my job? Somewhat?
pulsar wren
second off; if no, is the persecutor actively actually hurting anything?
wind shellBOT
I just came in because Oliver was trying to explain the situation and got too upset.
It is trying to actively push everyone away from us, make them believe we are faking, and then take our life.
it knows it is doing something wrong.
it wants to.
pulsar wren
oh, yep, definetly shit, any way to keep it out of front?
wind shellBOT
No clue. We are new to awareness, and it is even newer to awareness. I can possibly try. I can switch much more freely than Oliver.
pulsar wren
fair
wind shellBOT
I believe I am the more protective one? I hold memories, can recall things much swifter, I hold the hyperfixations and remind Oliver to do them so he and I stay happy, while I usually come in for academics. I'm a lot sterner. The host is the artistic drama enthusiast. I think I can protect us.
pulsar wren
We have a whole catelouge of persecutors and what we do is create ground rules o...
Cool, protector, that's great. Honestly, all my advice is just seconding Gail
wind shellBOT
Though it doesn't listen at all to what we have to say... I believe I can keep it out. Oliver is terrified. Poor boy...
weak basinBOT
GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 3!
wind shellBOT
Honestly we have a place at the back of our headspace looked behind 2 secure doors and there's cells inside and the room is completely right and like an isolation room. And yea we look them in there and I've only met one of those alters when it came to front and we had a panic attack immediately and then immediately brought it to that place where he can never front (dw we make sure they're okay and they get to leave but with Protectors so they don't hurt anyone or the body)
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
Ah, there isn't really a headspace for us. We just have different fonts.
Fair enough I'm just saying that's how we deal with ours or we force them to stay out by making someone else front but when they get triggered out they usually tell people to piss off so no problem with them interacting and daily life triggers me back so theu never stay long
hollow orchid
Ah, there isn't really a headspace for us. We just have different fonts.
I understand that. For our host, they don’t go into headspace
wind shellBOT
You have a headspace?
Chronic Tea Drinker ↩️
hollow orchid
Yeah, pretty sure
wind shellBOT
Oh
heady hornet
I understand that. For our host, they don’t go into headspace
I just simply... Switch places with Oliver. He watches. Nonpossession type.
wind shellBOT
our headspace is oretty simple, there are corridors goung to different peoples rooms the littles are in one corridor, younger middles same corridor, the rest of the teens 14-21isg are in another corridor and then okdr people another corridor and persecutors and prosecutors (who cause issues) are in another, theirs is quite secure, we also have a door to the side that is memories, and only emily, (gatekeeper, caretaker and self helper) has access to all memories, i have access to most of them as my sis role is self helper and manager, different alters have different memories they can access, and ones they cnt access are either blurry, feels like a dream or completely non existant or in between those,
We dont really remeber any interactions during headspace bht if i say oh i need to talk to this person, when i come back ill know if i have or not and ill know what the general reaction and response was
midnight drift
not me manually adding it because I don't understand pk and didn't know there was a command
pulsar wren
Honestly we have a place at the back of our headspace looked behind 2 secure doo...
interesting, we don't have that, how does that work?
Our headspace functions like — and I cannot believe i dare to make this comparison because hazbin kinda sucks but it's semi-accurate — the way hell is constructed in hazbin/dante's inferno. There are different sections that feel on top of each other, I originally assumed each alter had a section but Sage/Cipher disproved that one because we share a section so it's more of an 'alters with similar or related purposes/roles share the same section or very close sections' situation
Which doesn't make that much sense considering our alter count is very low and our innerworld would make more sense for a larger alter count but I aint gonna argue with my little brain void, it's just like that
wind shellBOT
ust like any other headspace. They can't leave those cells without multiple protectors to help them out and our headspace is like a spaceship so the doors are big metal doors. They're really secure. The main part of our headspace is like there's the front where you can look out on the body's eyes our just see outer space depending on what you want then 3 there's hallways in different directions with people, no specific order. There's also a lounge where alters hangout near front. There's a meeting room for higher ups. There also another hallway where the jail like thing is but the door before the doors leading to the cells has a forest with fragments that appear of fairies or wtv. Then we have 5 main protectors for the people living in the forest and other alter can just go for a walk in there but I still can't get very far. As for the cell thing as I was saying before my rant we just take a couple of our strongest and bring them to the cell and they can't get out without help from someone on the outside which would only be protectors that bring them out to see the forest so they can get fresh air every once in a while. I also can only see that one person I helped bring in there. The other 4 people there haven't showed themselves to me so they kinda appear as shadows
ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️
Oops-
pulsar wren
Interesting
wind shellBOT
Yea I didn't make that system up. Just kinda found it after becoming host and by found I mean after becoming host I forget all in system conversations
pulsar wren
Ours feels marginally less interesting in comparison to y’all’s /neutral
My section’s a void ( sort of ) if that’s something
stable sapphire
Ours feels marginally less interesting in comparison to y’all’s /neutral
My sect...
\ It's not really that interesting to us honestly. It's just kinda the normal for us now. We still aren't sure who made it but I think it may have been our gatekeeper Echo. And honestly I don't spend much time there and it's kinda like irl. Just everyone minding their own business somewhat and trying to get stuff done. Or like Ren always is in her room watching Netflix (she's watching teen wolf) so yea they just kinda exist and do random things normal everyday people do
wind shellBOT
It's also low key cold and dark in front but that brings us comfort so I'd assume that why but by front it's mostly the lounge that's like that
pulsar wren
\ It's not really that interesting to us honestly. It's just kinda the normal fo...
That’s interesting to me cause all I do in the void is wait to front and take mental logs of what the place is like so I can maybe remember them when I front so I can write them down. Or pretend to nap
( I can’t actually sleep in the innerworld )
pulsar wren
No pings please
Oh, sorry
pulsar wren
Thats interesting!
Is it?
wind shellBOT
us reading this conversation with zero headspace but ideas of what we want to build as a headspace but have no idea on how to implement it
pulsar wren
Y’all build headspaces?
I don’t remember us ever not having an innerworld, I think ours came pre-packaged with the rest of the system or some shit /hj ( the pre-packaged bit is a joke )
quiet burrow
I have a question, how do I tell is I have DID or if it's autism/ADHD making?
pulsar wren
You mean masking?
quiet burrow
Yes
wind shellBOT
Most systems do it as a coping mechanism I think not entirely sure
ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️
For us it was the distinct amnesia that differentiated it.
Also the voices that were suddenly able to control our body.
FairyprincessDahlia ↩️
pulsar wren
I don’t know? From the few times I’ve managed to mask, it feels fundamentally different, like experiences so separate that I don’t know how they’d overlap. Masking for me is like being yelled at every little mistake I’m doing in my movements and mannerisms and having to fix them in a split second all while having an interaction. System stuff is not like that for us; it’s free, fluid, blurry, and frankly rather scary at times. It’s a bunch of amnesia and not knowing who we are half the time and nothing like our base experience with masking
quiet burrow
My doctor told me that I POTS and I can't have caffeine, sense then my ticks, stutter and figgiting is like 10×. Also emotional masking is just hard
Also my spelling and grammar are garbage again
pulsar wren
It’s fine, I can understand them
quiet burrow
I don’t know? From the few times I’ve managed to mask, it feels fundamentally di...
The things that I've been calling DID are very chaoic, painful and ||violent||, it feels like I'm being ripped to pieces
heady hornet
Oh dear, that doesn't seem nice.
pulsar wren
I don’t think DID is supposed to be nice, Astronaut
Being ripped to pieces is definitely not a feeling I’ve heard described before /neutral
quiet burrow
For a while I called it spitting because it causes me pain and can hit me from no where
pulsar wren
As in physical pain?
quiet burrow
Physical and mental pain
People have told me I often scream in pain when it happens
pulsar wren
Physical is interesting to me. Headaches are pretty common with systems and we personally get a weird ||’burning from the inside out’|| feeling ( I think it’s partly heart problems and partly psychosomatic ). I don’t think I’ve really heard of someone experiencing super intense pain from system stuff
quiet burrow
I usually hallucinate too
Switching feels like being ||hitting in the face for me||
pulsar wren
If that is the case, I can’t image you switch very frequently, do you? Additionally; my apologies that I am not answering your original question in a proper fashion, you are not obligated to answer me. I simply find you fascinating
quiet burrow
If that is the case, I can’t image you switch very frequently, do you? Additiona...
Multiple times a week
heady hornet
I don’t think DID is supposed to be nice, Astronaut
It's mainly that this is the first time I've heard twitching described like that. Some say it feels like absent seizures while personally for me it gets incredibly blurry/foggy then everything in my body changes.
weak basinBOT
GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 10!
heady hornet
Multiple times a week
Oh gosh that isn't very good at all if it feels like that.
quiet burrow
I'm used to ||pain||
heady hornet
I'm used to ||pain||
Have you spoken to doctors about this?
quiet burrow
Yes
pulsar wren
It's mainly that this is the first time I've heard twitching described like that...
My experience with switching is an odd transitional feeling. Alter A one moment, A and B for a moment rather blurred together, and finally just B
heady hornet
My experience with switching is an odd transitional feeling. Alter A one moment,...
Its really like that unless I personally am under stress and Cogito force shifts it. (Its not bad, just rather quick and startling)
heady hornet
Yes
I feel like some kind of hypnosis (maybe?) throughout could be a beneficial attempt at reducing/minimizing pain?
quiet burrow
I feel like some kind of hypnosis (maybe?) throughout could be a beneficial atte...
My full diagnosis is PTSD with psysisos and dissociative figures
quiet burrow
I feel like some kind of hypnosis (maybe?) throughout could be a beneficial atte...
Hypnosis is just DBT and CBT together
heady hornet
Hm...
That's really unfortunate, and I wish you help in the future.
With the pain.
Woah heads fuzzy
Stop that I have to get dressed :(
quiet burrow
Ok I need to eat something
pulsar wren
Most definitely. Eating is very beneficial. Also be sure to hydrate — water ideally but most available beverages are acceptable
heady hornet
I swear something changes about my eyes when I front. The first one is Cogito in front and the second one is me and it feels like it's different people completely.
heady hornet
Most definitely. Eating is very beneficial. Also be sure to hydrate — water idea...
Heavily agree.
pulsar wren
I swear something changes about my eyes when I front. The first one is Cogito in...
Light. The position and conditions in the first picture allow for a sufficient amount of light to reflect off the eyes. Those in the second do not, giving the eyes a ‘dead’ look
It is possibly also related to the position in which the eyelids are kept, which can affect the appearance of the eyes. The angle the eyes are seen from can also effect this greatly
heady hornet
Yes.
I think that Cogito has the eyes positioned... Differently?
We look angrier.
Sterner.
I mean, he is.
But it's noticeable to friends.
pulsar wren
But it's noticeable to friends.
That is not entirely unusual, switches can be noticeable as alters carry and express themselves differently from each other
heady hornet
Oh, Cogito carries himself so differently.
Its almost two sides of the same coin, yet different coins
I'm bad at words, Cogito is a lot better.
wind shellBOT
It took us three years to develop more than a black void for us. Don't think your alone. We still can't view ours most of the time.
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
heady hornet
It took us three years to develop more than a black void for us. Don't think you...
We don't really want a headspace, to be honest? Being completely aware helps a lot.
wind shellBOT
We have incredibly different postures person to person. Not abnormal for us.
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
wind shellBOT
Absolutely valid. As well as the whole point of OSDD / DID is your brain wants you think it doesn't exist. That's how you survived childhood trauma as a kid. Your brain pushes back any idea of it existing at first. Whenever we have the fake-claim thought, our amnesia breaks we've worked years on for our co-hosts to hosts where there's minimal amnesia goes back to blackout.
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
We're proxying so it doesn't ping us nor highlight. Don't worry about it.
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
heady hornet
Absolutely valid. As well as the whole point of OSDD / DID is your brain wants y...
Yeah. it took a darn while for us to be fully sentient bout all of this. We didn't really even comprehend the switches we just figured we felt weird 😭
heady hornet
We're proxying so it doesn't ping us nor highlight. Don't worry about it.
Alright then.
wind shellBOT
Felt. We thought we didn't have DID because we might have POTS 😭😭⁉️
Update we ended up not having pots and had did after all
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
bleak bramble
Switching feels like presyncope for me, almost passing out. Our hearing and vision go dark and it’s hard to understand surroundings. Those are what I call “Full Stop” switching because all systems come to a full stop lol. Otherwise, it’s a smoother transition from co-con to co-fronting, to one person leaving
unfortunately the only indicator to who we are when we are blurry is how we react to our reflection
wind shellBOT
Y’all talking about how switching feels for you and then I rarely switch out fully so I have no clue.
(Potential P-DID sys, with me as main part)
wind shellBOT
idek what switching feels like im ngl
im not there for it LOL
i do know that sometimes it happens in seizures
Yes omg pnes causes us switches a lot
midnight drift
For me it depends on how I am doing generally. Not a particularly switchy system so how the host is doing drastically effects switches for us
A lot of the time we don't have hard switches and it's more like standing over someone's shoulder. It can feel like someone is standing inside my skin at times
I know a lot of the time it makes me feel like looking through frosted glass or like I'm going to pass out
When I was younger I would put my head on my desk at school as if I was going to sleep because it makes me feel so drowsy and out of it
Tends to be we don't really feel switches until we feel a kind of "rush" of different energy in our body and then different traits (for example, accent or different word choice) may be more noticeable
I.e. Kai has a London accent and uses more slang so the more southern I sound (despite not being from the south) the more likely it is that Kai is around
limpid siren
We dont have a ton of switching unless we're stressed, some days were just like co-con through out the entire day. When we do switch though, its kind of like what alex said looking through frosted or foggy glass and trying to see or getting your thoughts to stay in a straight line
The natural switches do alright energy-wise, but if we have to force a switch then it just drains a lot of energy
midnight drift
Same here. I don't try to force a switch unless we're already in chaos because it usually causes issues
I rarely get who I was asking for and if I do there's no guarantee they'll be able to help or even stay in front very long
wind shellBOT
it often is unoticable for us
esp when triggered out by music
midnight drift
Usually only try to get someone else if the system is collectively struggling and we need someone to calm down in one way or another. Be that getting a protector or a smoother or someone who's better with the specific situation ect
Usually it's just who is already co con
midnight drift
it often is unoticable for us
esp when triggered out by music
Yes music is such a struggle because we have so many trigger songs
I won't list who's is what for privacy and safety reasons but if we need to force a switch it's almost always via music
bleak bramble
It’s kinda been a mess for us lately. Normally we don’t have hard switches, but as of late, it’s been IMPOSSIBLE to tell who is who
midnight drift
It's fine until I want to listen to a song someone else likes and I get cut off/lh
bleak bramble
Not entirely sure who I am rn, maybe a new person, but also co-fronting with someone who has already been here (we’re at work and that requires background information/training)
midnight drift
Social media places such a standard on knowing who's fronting all the time but it's just not possible. There will be times where you have no idea who you are and that's completely normal for the disorder
bleak bramble
I might make a pk that’s specifically for when i have no clue
midnight drift
We have multiple
wind shellBOT
Typically will use this for most situations
bleak bramble
Social media places such a standard on knowing who's fronting all the time but i...
Exactly! I’ve been told it’s hard to truly know, especially since I’ve only recently been diagnosed.
wind shellBOT
I only recently got even somewhat adequate care related to my dissociative disorder and I'm still very much figuring it out
I've been at it for a couple years now I think and I'm still finding out new things!
Did I leave auto proxy on?
Yes... Yes I did. Lmao
midnight drift
That's okay though, I will get there eventually. There are good days and bad days
I get told a lot my system seems to be so organised and we work so well together and that's just not the case. I allow people to see us working well and being communicative but I keep the harder things private for my own sake
Try not to be too hard on yourself for having rough days or even weeks/months. You'll get there in the end
wind shellBOT
nods us too
Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️
bleak bramble
One of our alters LOVES big band and 1920’s jazz, so if we want him to front, it’s a good positive trigger
midnight drift
Someone, not naming names/lh, has the weirdest playlist known to man
You go from The Offspring, to Nickelback, to Sia, and randomly the song Rasputin is in there??
We have some playlists for frequent fronters. Reminds me I should update them lol
wind shellBOT
Same!
Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️
I was just about to proxy as our host, Jazz then I heard Alex and realised that's my name but I don't think I've been discovered
(Looking at other people's name sometimes trigger an alter if they have the same name)
Side note: We have 2 other people with the name Alex lol
we have like three bitches who listen to exclusively 1920s love songs 😭
~Rocket~ ↩️
wind shellBOT
Left is me (Jazz) and right is Star ^^
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
Are those koi fish? They are so pretty! /gen /vpos
heady hornet
Left is me (Jazz) and right is Star ^^
It is so clearly different!
I've had a fuzzy day
i dont know who i am
wind shellBOT
we were pretty stable in front for a couple days and then today has been kinda messy which is annoying because ryn was with a friend basically all day so we had to mask it a lot and she (friend) kept saying triggering stuff /neu /nav
i mean there was a day where everything was just blurry all day but i can’t remember when that was but it was recently i think
like within the past week
Yup!
Lilac ☆ ↩️
Mhm! We just have kinda opposite personalities so yea
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
wind shellBOT
our face hurts sometimes after certain alters front because they hold our face in different facial expressions
wind shellBOT
Fair for us we have a resting bitch face either way so some alters just chill and others just smile way more which what hurts sometimes
wind shellBOT
Same w/ us.
🗝 . Jazz ╱ they⸝⸝ 🎀🖤 ↩️
And now I'm here again. Oliver was out too long.
heady hornet
Sending this so I can show our partner what a system tag is.
hollow orchid
It is *so* clearly different!
I wonder if we look different when different people front 🤔
pulsar wren
I don’t think we do
People have never commented on it and we make an effort to mimic a guideline of uniform mannerisms
hollow orchid
Yeaa I think thats the same
digital abyss
yall do we fw the sp description im tryin smthin new
bleak bramble
hell yeah we do 😎
wind shellBOT
Looks great
@s off﹕toothvoid — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
wind shellBOT
fricken 11 people fronting and lots are headpsace ||drunk|| we are going crazy i swear
wind shellBOT
Oh gosh
I’m alone as always
I’m also alone :((
I want someone to front with me 
or even switch out with me
I’ve been fronting too long ( all week )
weak basinBOT
GG @paper crater, you just advanced to level 21!
wind shellBOT
I’ve been fronting 20 days
😭
Not Mee6 reminding me it’s 21
Lmao
We've apparently switched places. Usually there'd be different people fronting everyday for you (not literally everyday but kinda) and for us our host would be in front for days or even weeks without a switch and now we're the opposite
Jax || She/They 🪽🧮 ↩️
Haha
It’s only changed since discovering p-did rather than did
wind shellBOT
Fair and we thought we had p-did at one point then changed to did 😭
bleak bramble
what is the difference?
limpid siren
I find it so confusing to look back at past situations, and not remember the emotions around them. I was looking through texts last night, and I remember the situation happening but I dont remember anything about the tone or emotions involving the situation. Credit it wasn't me but it just leaves me confused looking back at it because i dont remember any of the feelings regarding it.
wind shellBOT
DID - all parts can switch in and out
P-DID there’s a main part that can only switch out if there’s a really bad situation going on
~Rocket~ ↩️
Basically
P-DID is the OSDD for outside america
But it has slightly different diagnostic criteria
wind shellBOT
Gosh we got 11 fronting to though drunk ones that's a lot to handle
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
wind shellBOT
Just realised the P-DID thing of “infrequent and irregular” isn’t actually true.
They can be that, or can be just as regular as DID
Jax || She/They 🪽🧮 ↩️
wind shellBOT
Struggling with who is talking in front me or my host identity
Just go with the floww
Or try and figure out speech patterns or whatever
hybrid skiff
Just realised the P-DID thing of “infrequent and irregular” isn’t actually true....
Yeah I fear DID can be different for everyone
plus theres alters who are more in front or less frequent than others. just cause one fronts too much or too little doesnt make it not the same I fear
but idk
im not an expert
im just a guy with rats in my head bro
lmao
or should I say
thorns
a ha a ha a ha ha a ha (laugh /j)
get it cause
rose system and thor- okay anyways
wind shellBOT
Yeah our 3 little girls front mostly at night when the body is sleepy and not much during the day like when we first discovered them. I feel like they are scard to do so for some reason but we're teaching them that if you feel you need to front it's ok to and teaching them how to know when it's safe so no one hurts them. We are also still teaching Ladonia and Sealand what it's like to front. Sealand hasn't front yet he is scard to. We are going at his pace and his dad and papa are taking it slow with him. He doesn't know how he will be treated is why he is scared
digital abyss
rose system and thor- okay anyways
get out 😭😭
hybrid skiff
digital abyss
giggling
heavy steppe
Observing from a far
wind shellBOT
do you ever just give up with dealing with the chaos and decide to sleep instead because then you don’t need to deal with it
bleak bramble
YUP
weak basinBOT
GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 4!
wind shellBOT
Everydayyyyy
isabella {she/any} 🫧💫 ↩️
hybrid skiff
do you ever just give up with dealing with the chaos and decide to sleep instead...
always
digital abyss
do you ever just give up with dealing with the chaos and decide to sleep instead...
yes
both metaphorically and literally
points at our co-host chaos and glares /silly
heavy steppe
Yes we try to sleep instead of dealing with the chaos all the time
wind shellBOT
Glad I decided to make me a proxy finally and think the profile picture is so good. I'm the host identity. Its from the Nordickies tumbler page. I just love their versions of the Nordics they are incredible looking. This is their Finland with Hanatamago his dog and their version of Norway with cats
heady hornet
Oh lord my time processing issues are going bananas with all the switching.
Cogito and I switch up to 5 times a day
Actually, that's the average
So time is going by so fast
And then I realise it's been the same day.
All day.
All switching.
Its so chaotic
wind shellBOT
Does anyone know how to make our pk member list private?
wind shellBOT
Thanks!
digital abyss
nw ^_^
u can also do individual members privacy with
pk;m privacy
and system with
pk;s privacy
both will show the privacy statuses ^
wind shellBOT
Acoording to simply plural the app my nordic 5 protectors all switch out with each other many times a day and it gets pretty intense
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
digital abyss
theres rarely a day for us we dont switch
heady hornet
I'm not used to such the intense difference in personality now
it's cool but also where is my brain goin
meant to type time
also brain
had a bad day and protector kept trying to switch to spare me but these were things i needed to feel
digital abyss
understood
heady hornet
had a bad day and protector kept trying to switch to spare me but these were thi...
so he only got some very brief time in front
digital abyss
we was jst blurry all day
-# (the diamond w the lighter is our blurry custom front, computer is custom status, the z's are sleeping)
heady hornet
hm
interesting!
I don't really track it because my schoo doesn't allow electronics
and it isn't too intense and we can basically fill eachother in on what we forget
sometimes i forget where i put something and in the back of my head he goes "Check ___"
digital abyss
typically a day looks like this for us
heady hornet
Also, my interractions with our mutual friends change from me going
"hello! :D" to
"Hello! :)"
(in person) and now my friends can tell. it's funny.
heady hornet
typically a day looks like this for us
interesting!
digital abyss
nods
digital abyss
interesting!
pls dont ping /info
heady hornet
oh everything is sensory overwelmin now
this is usually a warning cogito is barrelling into front for no reason
digital abyss
Also, my interractions with our mutual friends change from me going
"hello! :D" ...
same w us fr like our friends will jst go "who are u" and ill bs like "what" and theyll be like "you arent gail hi chaos" and im like "WHAT"
heady hornet
because he's ✨ sensitive
digital abyss
same w us fr like our friends will jst go "who are u" and ill bs like "what" and...
these bitches know before i do irs awful
wind shellBOT
^
heady hornet
same w us fr like our friends will jst go "who are u" and ill bs like "what" and...
Exactlyyyy! One went "are you 1 or 2 today" and i said "guess" and he waited until he saw me doing a stim only I do and went "oh it's oliver hey man"
wind shellBOT
-# i got so scared they changed my server name here too its been all day save me /j
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
real
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
tight flax
We have generally the same couple of people fronting, some people hop in and out throughout the day tho- currently the people that we just kinda keep as fronting are a little, host, me and 2 others, the two others often pop in and out but we keep them in front cause they are still like very partially frimting, same for the little- he actually has his own space just outisd dof the control area where he is alot of the time
heady hornet
Oooh
wind shellBOT
we made a vid a while ago w different ppl frontin in the vid
it shows body posture chabge fr
heady hornet
Today i had a math test and i was so switchy that our hand writing changed for every sentence.
ooooh yeah
that's definitely a big thing people notice
i didn't even get a sentence out once and our friend Toby went "Oh it's Cogito"
board straight posture.
tight flax
Damn
heady hornet
because apparently he's just like that??? board straight???
for some reason he knows how to use my body more effectively than me
straight up stronger and more in tune with it
but it's a little alarming when he will randomly throw something at a wall then turn back and go "What was I saying?"
He's so regulated.
It's cool how easily he can control things
oh bro definitely wants to switch
oh okay hold on imma fricken uh
do the thingy
wind shellBOT
its subtle but even then u can see slight differences in a resting face
two masking
I can see it in the eyes.
real
tight flax
Some things weve noticed is handwriting, our host is dating someone outisde the system and the person said that when he is fronting we look at them alot more, also like how absent/intune(?) we are, also communicaitin styles
wind shellBOT
1 is a super tired gail
2 is siri.
tight flax
The communication stules we often mask tho
wind shellBOT
oh god ours is blatantly different
ratssssssss|| ratbags sys ↩️
heady hornet
Some things weve noticed is handwriting, our host is dating someone outisde the ...
C: Interesting.
wind shellBOT
I keep forgetting to proxy.
tight flax
Real
wind shellBOT
Frick
heady hornet
C: Interesting.
I am going to ||violently smash this computer||.
pulsar wren
Auto proxy, mate
pulsar wren
pk ;ap and then your name
tight flax
Fudge idk
wind shellBOT
Thank you.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
this, for ref, is gail's vs mine 😭
idk what my handwrting is
damn
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
My handwriting is utterly atrocious and im always told not to be the one writing in our journal so we can actually dicipher it afterwards
Ooh, I have some examples. They are strikingly different.
as well as you can see when someone is close co front because our lowercase A's switch from the A with the hook on top to one without
hi
Thats interesting
pulsar wren
Some things weve noticed is handwriting, our host is dating someone outisde the ...
\I’ve recently noticed that our handwriting is very different, didn’t notice till someone pointed it out
wind shellBOT
mine looks like some shitty horror movie title font 😭😭
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
💀
we’re not entirely sure if our handwriting looks different tbh
Ill send examples in a sec
We can mimic each others handwriting, but my natural hand writing looks like his when he is trying.
i feel that on a very high level
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
and this was someone trying to replicate my handwritig
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
and failed
because its so bad they made it good
His handwriting
VS mine, I made it on my first front night.
thats so ominous hello
cogito.
You are here.
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
I may or may not have been a lot less... human.
I was not developed socialy yet.
like
chaos.
You like men.
Heheheh.
its chill have you seen us were like majority not human
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
im human enough
but then again
this is also me
digital abyss
pk;m chaos banner
faint solsticeBOT
wind shellBOT
human enough
I was originally It/he but it has been swapped around for the sake of I like being more human than not.
wrote this jst now for ref
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Tell me why that is the exact handwriting my host uses for graffiti.
We don’t have a physical journal so here’s some bits from our study notes. Green is Samir, grey/pencil is Adam, black is Prim
gulps
yeppers
Samir [ He/Void/End ] ☀🪶 ↩️
I write cursive for some reason
Samir [ He/Void/End ] ☀🪶 ↩️
- Mine influenced by elliot who has like larger writing,
- Belive it is kirans cause thats who it says was writing it but doesnt quite look like his writing so maybe influenced by emily
- Mine
- I believe erys
(Sorry fir sideways)
id have to pull up ours later bc some of us write exclusively in fucking CURSIVE.
Oh one time Oliver was scribbling aggressively and it turned into pure cursive out of nowhere. Bad, scribbly cursive, but cursive.
Yea, if kiran was allowed to (in nirmal sotuations he can but not in journal cause hard to read for some) he would
Our partner said it looked like something that the founding fathers would write if they had dyslexia.
valid asf
if it makes u feel any better we had a guy who had no name and no pronouns but made him come up with a name because what even do we refer to them as
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
I write cursive but really quick and loose cursive so it just looks messy in places
proceeded to choose the hardest fake word as a name like wdym i cant refer to you other than YCTO...
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
heady hornet
wind shellBOT
Look at this.
Oh i just fognd someone who wrote tiny(idk who tho rhey didnt say)
Dam
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
Oh my lord Oliver came up with my name because he was going half insane, as I repeated "Cogito ergo sum" over and over.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
woof
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
Wep
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Oliver likes to change his writing style so often (purposefully, somehow) one time he wrote in the Olde English font. For fun.
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
i made the three other chaoss choose different names in our system because im a little bitch
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
That's completely fair.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Fair
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
im the newest one too is the thing
i had no right BAHAH
Amazing.
The first two people we discovered were littles and one of them stsrts with a k and is a couple years okder then the other, and he tried to name the other people he knew of all names stsrting with k, the other little he tried to name kat, and funnuly enough we now do have a alter named kat
i dint remeber what he tried to name me but he tried
Goodness perhaps there shouldn't be too many K names...
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
When we were finding out about systemism one time our film teacher referred to us as a different name and when confused he said yesterday "i" asked him to call me that from now on 😭💀
Oh my lord.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Welp i just looked at the list of names from when the body was changing names and 7 of them are alters now
Mine is one of them
7/11
I told the host's teachers that he has an alter (me) and said. "Hi. That is me. Not much of a change, he still watches, and is actively berating me. 'My' personality might just change sometimes. Bye bye."
Oh god
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Jeepers.
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
💀
Tho some seem like they are from when we were trying to figure out some sys drama, but either way there were quite a few from the original list
Right.
I really hope we don't have to split new alters.
Damn
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
We do not need more. We are not in a scary situation and we are dealing with the trauma with our amazing partner.
Split new alters?
Ahh
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
No more alters, grr. Brain is full enough.
Do y’all not ever split new ones?
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
Yea i jysr got cinfused for a sec
Sorry
I’m not mad
With just me and Oliver, and that random one in the back that gives bad thoughts. That is enough. No more.
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Thats fair
We all get confused sometimes, it is natural.
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
I say the same thing to my brain
it doesnt work
-1hp
-1hp
-1hp
-1hp
-1hp
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
:(.
im not even sure how many we got
its silly dw
im tired asf i fear
and sick
I don't think we will split any more, hopefully.
That sucks
Aw :(.
Tired isn't nice.
sleep is for the weak
-# gail will kill me
?
That does not sound most favourable.
Nooo sleep is for he strong
39 ☹️
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Oh goodness!
i checked
39 bitch + blackout amnesia = WHWHHW
Hhhh
Im glad we dont have blackout amnesia
explodes
That sounds very! Just... Very!
Lots of luck
nah literally
shoutout to when wreck fronted for the first time
in four years
Damnn
Oh I'm so glad we don't have blackout. Some amnesia but oof blackout would be hell. We can easily communicate if we forget stuff, anyways.
Oh.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Oh that is...
We made the mistake of warching a kittle of hazbin last night and it threw headspace into a chaotic mess
Yeouch to say the least.
Oh?
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
Yea
Yea
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
"oh cool first day of highschool-" gets slapped with graduated
"well i can see my kitten-" *gets punched with late cat
"maybe i can watch my favorite youtuber-" gets exploded with the video "so long nerds"
Oh noo
that was a day and a half fr bro
That is very very hectic
explaining technoblade to a 15 y/o who last remembered watching him "yesterday"
Oh
y e a h
Thats hard
its chill tho
we gucci
and caught up to speed
that wasnt a vent btw jst a coping joke more than anyrhing
Yea
That is actually so crazy.
i guess one good thing about blackout amnesia is you find funny shit in your camera roll with no recollection and so you get to react to a meme for the first time like 17 times
I think it's funny how the host is just turning 14, meanwhile I'm an unaged being stuffed into this body. I really like food.
Oh that is gold.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
or we'll set peoples server avatar and names to something stupid or write notes
Thats pretty good
its fire
Wait. Oliver has a funny photos he's taken folder.
today i was the one who got the name changed.
five. different. servwrs.
Where did he even find this.
Omfg mars was updating some sp stuff and he wrote in mine cishet (basic b*tch)
Like yes im cis but im not fukky syre if im straight
That is golden.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Oh no
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
i got named "kentucky fried chaos" today with this avatar im going to scream
And i had no reccolection of it
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
AHHA
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
Hhhhhh
I feel like this applies to your system name.
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
In primary school did thekids call kfc kidds fattening center?
HUH
WHAT
!1!1!1!
Oml
Im sorry pardon me?
This is what oml wss meant ti respind too
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
That is something Oliver said and every day I remember just how hilariously stupid he is.
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
our fuckass partner @hybrid skiff calls us teeth hole.
TEETH. HOLE.
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Oh god💀
Amazing. Absolutely fantastic.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
gonna explode fr
Our parter has decided to call me Coggy.
BAHAH
I am an eldritch being, but alright.
Actualky inthing about language and there is actually alot if subtle differences - i swear a whole ton and i am desperatly trying not to when in this server
Coggy it is.
Hehe
That's quite fair.
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
i have a sleuth of nicknames
which i didnt know was possible with a noun for a name
Another friend decided to call me Cogsworth and our mean alter "Evil moldy potato" (putatis).
Wait, let me find the message.
gayos... chos... pirate.... tophat..... drinking buddy 😭......... hobo.....
too many
We watche dit a couple times and bith times we gained a alter so we stopped (interestingly no alters from helluva which our host and i are comoletely and utterly obsessed with,
But there was a voice which we recognised but not from our system and we still do not know what thatw as about
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
heady hornet
wind shellBOT
Oh it's even worse.
"Cog The Cool Dude"
smelly man
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Fantastic nicknames, 10/10.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
theyre all insults
Welp
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
bald
i get called bald
because of a fanart i got
Bald😭
without hair
I get called monstor addict (one friend specifically)
i have a whole folder of fanart
and the fucjing baldos is in there
Dangggg
I don't exactly know what I look like. I feel like I should attempt to draw it.
its alr i call my partner furry and cartwhore
Lol
There was something the host did that somewhat symbolized my energy but I'm a lot humn-ish now.
Ah
Amazing.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
i made this today for him
We dont really draw, i think there is one ir two leolle who are alr at drawing but idk who, but we use wassitcalled um fudge i dont remeber- like the one with the templates?
Nuke
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
agreed
he shoukd explode
Use gacha life/club.
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
eggsplode
picrew?
Mars- he/it/xe/ze/them ||ratbags ↩️
Yesssss
We all draw our own pfps
Thats cool
theres a few that arent but properly credited
This is an example of the occasional Oliver thought that gets through.
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Sometimes he escapes.
passive influence
This is going into the funny folder.
thats what gail says about me
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Hmm i shoukd right that under avery’s
Sorry thiught outloud
I've taken to simply saying "Mitosis."
As well as "I think just the three of us can handle it just fine." As I put my hand around a singlet's shoulder.
i would like to inform you that gail in the back of god knows where said "canon" loud and clear
im an introject.
that was, in fact, not canon to my source
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Heheheh.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
oh i cant repeat what they just said
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
I feel like a ghost with a sheet draped over my head.
Why do I feel like that represents me.
Like a Mimikyu Pokemon.
"well being a (gay man slur) is canon so suck my d-"
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
i hate having the best communication with that guy
I have a question, our amnesia seems to have been getting worse, like very forgetfuk and stuff, does anyone else have like experianced it getting worse?
On that subject of slurs, the body is a trans male. I am technically cisgender within the body(?) Though I am male? I am confused if I am allowed to say the T slur or not... (Not going to, just a thought that crossed my mind.)
Hhh
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
I have.
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
its always for something non useful when communication is good. like saying slurs (we can reclaim). and not tests
yeah
Kiran-he/him ||ratbags ↩️
Quite. Except I am the academic so Oliver is just going "Lalalalala" while I do his english work for him.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Ok thanks:) /gen
nwnw
real
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
That si so real
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
its almost midnight
should i fight off sleep or give in
weak basinBOT
GG @tight flax, you just advanced to level 22!
wind shellBOT
Give in
Do what you want to do.
oh and before i forget -- can i jst say on the topic of memory -- dating a system as a system is HARD.
Yea
i shall shortly
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
It is really hard
Oh I bet.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Im not even the one dating
we have to write down whos dating who help
Especially when its just one person from each shstem fronting
Wait
Dating
"why have one bitch when you can have five- why have five bitches when u can have nine" /ref
Welp
I'm thankful Oliver and I have always been slightly present, so we've both been dating the partner, and he doesn't really care. "Two for one deal:.
Amaning - Oliver
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
Two fro one deal💀
Two fir ine
one
heck yeah
Hehehe
Very much so.
"Hi other hunny!" Oh stop it you! I might start giggling and kicking my feet!
Some have asked us if we are scared if someone likes someone else more
and we just say that isnt possible
Yea
because we love each person for different reasons
they are different
weak basinBOT
GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 11!
wind shellBOT
Yeah.
Yea
i am only dating one but speaking for gail theyre dating a silly trans man who loves kids, a jock who probably rides a motorcycle, and a german man who has a thick german accenf
they are too different to be compared LOL
Damn
I think of it like our partner chose both of the twin options in a dating sim-- The nerdy academic one and the jock goofy artistic one.
Like two sides of the same coin, and Oliver and I share plenty of qualities.
Romantically we wish to be treated the same, though.
No I want to stay in front, no thank you, don't almost fall asleep.
Blake (the trans dude who loves kids (hes a preschool teacher)) is dating Gail, a garfield enthusiast, Dusty, a weird music nerd with a shark tooth necklace, Sirius, a punk persecutor who has a spanish-dialectic accent, and Demitri, a void creature that likes to ski 😭
wild combo
digital abyss
pk;m demitri pfp
faint solsticeBOT
wind shellBOT
that guy
Oliver is the ADHD one and I'm the autistic one. I hold all of his hobbies and just... Remind him to do them for the dopamine.
Ooooooh.
PluralKit ↩️
digital abyss
pk;m sirius pfp
faint solsticeBOT
digital abyss
pk;m sirius pfp
faint solsticeBOT
digital abyss
pk;m dusty pfp
faint solsticeBOT
wind shellBOT
Oh goodness the sentence I just whispered.
"Sleep is for the poor who can not afford the awake"
its hard to tell for him but he looks like this
Interesting!
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
n gail looks like the body
siri is also dating the german dude and the jock
PluralKit ↩️
and then im dating carter
which is a funny ass relationshio
because hes a father figure to my younger sibiling but im dating him
n then theres the lesbians ™️
n the 1920s world war lovers (what the fuck)
Real.
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
real indeed
I am attempting to swiftly draw the image of what pops into my head when I imagine myself.
throwback to this headspave drawing
oo go for it
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Why does it look this adorable.
What in tarnation.
I
anyways imma go eeb
gn yall
Eeb time? Goodnight.
hydration reminder to those who see this
Why do I feel like he has glasses.
Me?
It would seem to fit the drawing and me more.
90% of us wear glasses
Cause the body wears them
Me, but in a more simplistic doodle form.
The others don’t get why the body has to wear glasses and either find them uncomfy or refuse to wear them
I see
Nice
Cogito <🌌> ↩️
Well it's very crowded tonight 😳
bleak bramble
the fact that y’all are so consistent with SP is wild to me, i haven’t updated it in days because i’ve just been so confused
apparently someone named Clarke texted a friend and i don’t remember that at ALL
wind shellBOT
we used to keep up with it a lot but kept forgetting to. so now we only update it when it’s really complicated to try keep track of who’s in front a little better.
~Rocket~ ↩️
now we mainly just use it for reminders and to have a list of everyone so we can work out what’s going on.
wind shellBOT
We try to update it
Key word; try
Half the time it just says that I fronted for a month and I’m just like “yea, no, that’s definitely wrong”
wind shellBOT
😂
❓ Chaos﹕he / they — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
hybrid skiff
same w us fr like our friends will jst go "who are u" and ill bs like "what" and...
mb lol
digital abyss
like
### chaos.
### You like men.
oh my god bro get this guy outta here
digital abyss
pk;ap off
faint solsticeBOT
✅ Autoproxy turned off in this server.
wind shellBOT
well I have to switch to cogito anyways
hybrid skiff
why did I get pinged two times and theres no ping anywhere hello what
digital abyss
why did I get pinged two times and theres no ping anywhere hello what
somewhere
hybrid skiff
did u ping me void cause I cant find it
wind shellBOT
Over the rainbow
@s off﹕toothvoid — ?¿ ⋆ . ↩️
digital abyss
pk;ap l
faint solsticeBOT
✅ Autoproxy set to latch mode in this server. Messages will now be autoproxied using the last-proxied member in this server.
digital abyss
Over the rainbow
anyways the command is pk;ap off
heady hornet
pk;ap off
faint solsticeBOT
✅ Autoproxy turned off in this server.
heady hornet
there we go
hybrid skiff
I got 5 minutes till my break is over </3
digital abyss
did u ping me void cause I cant find it
ill search idk where vhaos is on abt
hybrid skiff
shrugs its fine
hybrid skiff
our fuckass partner <@1244664894075306026> calls us teeth hole.
TEETH. HOLE.
LOL we stopped tho cause yall didnt like it
digital abyss
LOL we stopped tho cause yall didnt like it
giggling i dont remember
digital abyss
cogito found my memes folder
good luck BAHHA
digital abyss
i made this today for him
ok so what the fuck
heady hornet
I think chaos is a vibe
Blarghablarghablargha
He's gonna switch in soon but I have to brush my teeth and my hair
And he always forgets to do that
Mainly because he's literally this.
Why is his signature so good.
digital abyss
I think chaos is a vibe
yeah 😔
wind shellBOT
I haven't even seen my alters signitures wonder what they look like
hybrid skiff
ok so what the fuck
lmfao so mean to his bf
wind shellBOT
I can hear someone in my system saying I want to draw myself and my papa and dad so I think one of my 2 new alters wants to draw them and their parents. Meaning I may randomly find a drawing one day soon of it which I love coming across
coral flint
\ If anyone has any good songs about dissociation let us know lmao
unique jolt
I want to try and make friends with more people who are plural. We've been diagnosed for nearly 3 years now (got diagnosed at 18) and don't use pk because it's far too complicated for me and we tend not to sign off with names for privacy until we get to know people. If you're 19+ and want another friend, my DMs are open
hybrid skiff
wtf why you putting this here 😭 /lh
heady hornet
alter idfk how to get it to STOP THIS BALONEY
I can't talk with it in my head for some reason and it literally has no reason other to make me sad
hybrid skiff
yeah a self persecutor
therapy and commucation
maybe a gatekeeper can help keep them out
heady hornet
except i don't have a gatekeeper alter and there is quite literally no communication with it. It doesn't speak. It just takes
hybrid skiff
then therapy and try to get rid of anything that can harm you
heady hornet
its fricken frustrating :(
digital abyss
hi! so uhm!! that is a vent, as well as breaks the rules. delete it.
digital abyss
its fricken frustrating :(
(courtesy ping reply)
heady hornet
kk sorry
weak basinBOT
olivertttwist567 has been warned
wind shellBOT
Apologies for that, we were quite scattered and didn't quite know where else to go. It was misplaced. ❤️ Thank you for the correction, we will keep that in mind.
heady hornet
yeah i agree with him i was so shaken
doesnt excuse it
just giving a reason, thanks again
unique jolt
I swear ||dissociation|| will be the end of me
I don't want to spend my days ||dissociated|| I want to be grounded.
i need to do some serious system mapping and figure out this shiz
heady hornet
so...
that persecutor alter the host spoke about
may have been me
dont worry !!!
it has been worked out
turns out i'm a misguided half formed protector that split off around 9.
i got a little
messed up
i had to be bad to protect him
but
i don't anymore. i don't think i full realised.
or my age.
or really anything until he purposefully brought me out.
that's so fun
I normally can't talk in the brain unless caffeine induced or really badly messed up.
i had to make him think bad things because mama said we were bad so we had to be like she wanted.
but she is gone
so i will go dormant probbaly. i hope i do. i don;t want to front ever again.
im tired so im typing bad
im not trying anymore
it feels better to not try to be like the adults.
wind shellBOT
Are you saying your young like a little
astronaut (please ping) 🌌 ↩️
Some of my littles got in trouble for being on here when fronting fair warning if littles are out. My second youngest alters are 2 13 year old and they are fine but my 3 very little alters can't talk here due to rules and safty which makes since. So if you have littles keep them safe
Just @ me because I am going to sleep
unique jolt
How do yall map your system - I haven't found a way that's effective yet and want to see if anyone has any ideas I could try?
wind shellBOT
I’m not sure what you mean by map?
Ash Bash (Pings are cool) ↩️
unique jolt
I’m not sure what you mean by map?
ahh, I'll try to explain. It's like putting together an overview of your system, all the members you're aware of, how they relate to eachother etc
wind shellBOT
Simply Plural
Ash Bash (Pings are cool) ↩️
Were working on getting the inner world down now
wind shellBOT
Notes. Literally just the default notes app. Split into the following sections:
- Alters ( base info ) and roles
- Unconfirmed info
- Hierarchy explanation
- Innerworld explanation
- Face claims and pfps
- Templates
- Elaborated Alter Info
- Other ( just random stuff )
Ash Bash (Pings are cool) ↩️
We also have a discord server
It has more social stuff like our ground rules and a channel for reminders and the such
We just have all that in sp lol. Our notes app would die. There's 210 people to log /lh
Samir [ He/Void/End ] ☀🪶 ↩️
unique jolt
Thanks guys. I will try simply plural again. I found it too complicated before but I think I will put more effort into learning it now
wind shellBOT
Dm and I can explain
Ash Bash (Pings are cool) ↩️
limpid siren
If you have a plural kit system running you can also import that as well! 
wind shellBOT
^^
stable sapphire
\ base if you still want
unique jolt
I need to learn how to use all these things rip. To youtube I go
unique jolt
Right, I've figured out simply plural and I'm setting it up - thank you all!
hybrid skiff
it feels better to not try to be like the adults.
If you are a little please don’t come on discord and especially public servers. Discord is 13+ and minors younger aren’t allowed. None of our littles are allowed on public servers
or even a little mindset
wind shellBOT
Ours barely front and don't like talking in servers because "people scary" and they're also not allowed at the moment even in private servers unless it's the one with only my partners who I know are safe for them
wind shellBOT
Same only youngest if my alters that are aloud on are both 13
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
heady hornet
Yeah it's kind of... Gone anyways
hybrid skiff
Ours barely front and don't like talking in servers because "people scary" and t...
Mhm, our littles are only allowed with our partner system server and thats it really, or very private servers WITH a caretaker present
like close friend + PS private server
heady hornet
Its straight up gone gone.
bleak bramble
luckily we don't have any littles, the closest we have is Danielle, who is turning 19 as the body turns 21
heady hornet
Its not talking. It didn't switch out when we went to sleep and we kind of let it.
I woke up as the host.
Its just
Gone.
It felt almost surreal? Like it knew it would be gone?
It was peaceful for once.
Well, I guess we don't have a persecutor anymore.
wind shellBOT
Yea! Only in the close friends server we don't let them front unless it's with our partner systems or one of my partners is there at that moment to step in if anything happens
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
it's entirely possible that they went dormant, as from what I understand, you can either have alters go dormant or integrate, they don't just disappear...
heady hornet
it's entirely possible that they went dormant, as from what I understand, you ca...
That's what I figured
It didnt speak in my mind normally unless under stress or caffeine
like it was a part i was trying to lock away
i did an experiment and had a redbull and it fronted.
then.
my friends just let it talk for a minute, about its purpose.
So now it's just
wind shellBOT
Can you not? This sounds like venting and it's starting to put people off /nm
wind shellBOT
This seems like a good thing, if I understand correctly? Also I'm with Jazz on this one...
(if you delete them, can you mark that you deleted them? helps with consistency in memory)
heady hornet
kk
heady hornet
So now it's just
deleted some iffy parts
midnight drift
Did they leave or..?
wind shellBOT
?
I think so
Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️
oh they left the whole server
damn
Yea ^^
i mean that's one way to go about it
😭
I feel bad now. I didn't mean to make them leave
i have a feeling it was heading that way, you weren't necessarily the catalyst
Oop-
A doctor-
We actually have like 2
0-0
he's a blend of 10 and 11
one of our other alters let us believe she was Rose Tyler because it was "close enough and it's funny"
may i ask which ones you have (you don't have to answer if you dont want /gen)
midnight drift
I feel bad now. I didn't mean to make them leave
I was watching the conversations happening and was pretty uncomfortable - I think people would have started to speak up soon if they hadn't
wind shellBOT
Not like actual person there
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
We have 3 doctors
ooooh like medical doctors
Fair just uncomfortable speaking up
Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️
midnight drift
one of our other alters let us believe she was Rose Tyler because it was "close ...
We have someone who has no known sexuality but lets people joke that he's gay because it's entertaining enough/lh
wind shellBOT
Yea one is Ed. Some guy from another system of YouTube got thrown into our headspace but he's nothing like them
Doctor Robotnik from sonic-
A psychologist from quora 😭
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
aaah see ours is from doctor who, so he's actually called The Doctor
Ooo never seen that
:O
it;s been a special interest for 10+ years
We also have The Handler from umbrella academy
i;m way too obsessed
There's people like:
The Handler
Lady Vee
Number Five
||Killer|| Frost
Kitty Chesire
Raven Queen
Madeline Hatter
Magnus Bane
Rachel Roth
So many people with their full name instead of just one name
Fair enough maybe I should see it at some point
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
Omg we have Rumpelstiltskin and Pemny wise 💀
i know someone who had godzilla for a bit
the hyperfixation got too strong lmao
That's why we haven't been watching any shows. Too scared tk split
To*
Oh my gosh, i finally found a way to describe to someone what it's like when you dont know who's fronting. I've always use blurry but today i changed it to "Imagine your trying to look through a window which is secretly a brick wall" /half positive
On a related note- im so fuzzzyyy /nav /lh
i seem to be somewhat lucky in that regard, but i think younger me's brain had decided that it was fun to split and i keep finding people
Seriously though
There's so many introjects from like 3-5 years ago
i thought i just had 4, and now i'm up to 9 with SO many question marks
9 alters?
Or introjects
alters
i forget what introjects mean
Ohh
weak basinBOT
GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 5!
wind shellBOT
From like media or irl people that go in brain
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
is that the same thing as a fictive?
We honestly just are over it. We have 210
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
Yup! Introject is umbrella
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
Umbrella term
cool
bro i said ooohhhh
i forget that caps arent allowed past a certain degree
Oof
idk how you would count introjects then, cause i have 5 fron various special interests/shows that i watched, and then the rest are either me or people i came up wtih organically (factives)
and idk if there is more or not so
wind shellBOT
Like if they are based off an already existing person/character
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
And we have 25 rn
So she's (Kira) been quantifying things incorrectly, we have 5 fictive alters, then 4 brain-created alters
Ooo
25 introjects, 187 brain made
I think
sick
Actually just thought of something. We communicate slightly through colours. We see words and numbers as colours so when gatekeepers tell me a number for something then I can get the exact number based off the colour
Like our full introject count right now is 72 and I knew because it came up as yellow when my mind went to 70 and green for 300 and same for 500 so I know the exact number from colour
that's actually so cool!
😭
Didn't process it was weird until now
me with all of our issues lmao
we genuinely figured out someone was here because we realised it wasn't normal to have moments of having completely no feeling
(he has idiopathic neuropathy and apparently that carried over 💀 )
Oop-
it's so funny though cause he only becomes co-con or when his wife is fronting and she is uncomfortable
is is such a SIMP
I low key am too
Apparently a lot of alters find me annoying but they also respect me as a higher up so thats funny
I mean it isn't but I'm anxious so imma keep being weird
wind shellBOT
Guys, I finally left front for a substantial amount of time in the last 7 days :D
I’m back in front but, like, yea, I hate being frontstuck because it’s uncomfy af but it happens often for me and I’m finally not that
hybrid skiff
Yea one is Ed. Some guy from another system of YouTube got thrown into our heads...
? Wdym from another system?
hybrid skiff
I’m back in front but, like, yea, I hate being frontstuck because it’s uncomfy a...
valid
wind shellBOT
A system made a video showing what their alters looked like and got actors for it and we split one of the actors in the video (just said from their system because that alter is in their system but the alter isn't actually brain made. He's an introject so like an introject of an introject. Kinda like a fuzztive, based off the person but not literally the person)
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
hybrid skiff
A system made a video showing what their alters looked like and got actors for i...
Ohhh okay😭👍
I gotchu
wind shellBOT
Yea 😭
I just suck at explaining
Only realised what it looked like I was saying after you asked and I re read it
plain pumice
Does anyone have dreams where an alter is in it? Sorry if doesn’t make much sense I can try to explain more
wind shellBOT
Yes ^^
plain pumice
If you’re comfortable could you explain your experience? /nf
bleak bramble
me too
before we knew we were a system, we wrote down a dream that was basically “me” (the current host at the time) having a panic attack, and then i felt a shift and then boom, i was fine. what i didn’t realise at the time was me describing a switch
i’ve also had ones that appertain to specific alters, usually fictives, as if they were still in source, and what those dreams would look like
wind shellBOT
I’ve got a question for other people though relating to dreams. Ever since I specifically learned we were a system, we have been having ridiculously vivid dreams that are very detailed and almost nightmarish. Before, I would NEVER dream or just never remember them. Is this something you guys have experienced? It’s somehow ignoring all emotional amnesia barriers we have because it’s scaring me to think about (I write some of the more scary ones down just to get them out of my head).
wind shellBOT
Yes i had a weird dream last night involving living with markipler and my alter Sweden and we were trying to convince mark that we swear we saw to scorpions mate and gave babies meaning we need to fumigate the house but mark struggled to belive it. Weird dream ik
Ollie ↩️
weak basinBOT
GG @bleak bramble, you just advanced to level 12!
wind shellBOT
honestly that’s iconic
So true I struggled to understand it lol
I want to write alter interactions and dreams like it’s fanfic just cause i think it would be hilarious
I would
wind shellBOT
How do people find therapist? I'm UK based and want a trauma and queer informed therapist but have no idea where to find one, is betterhelp as awful as Ive heard? They are the only place I can think of atm
wind shellBOT
I’ve also heard terrible things about better help. It works this way in the US, but you might be able to call your insurance provider and see what therapist except your insurance that are currently in the area.
wind shellBOT
Thanks Cerena, sadly in the UK our equivalent to insurance is the NHS. They are struggling with even basic physical health stuff, it would take an age just to see a basic therapist and from what I know it's mainly short term. I'm hoping maybe someone knows about the private route?
I’m not as well versed in the private sector of the UK health system, so I’m afraid I can’t help that much. I wish you luck though!
Try and get on the waiting list for the NHS, it’s not short but at least they’ll be something coming up if you can’t find a private therapist.
You can go to your GP for a referral
QuantumMouse (they/them) ↩️
hybrid skiff
Does anyone have dreams where an alter is in it? Sorry if doesn’t make much sens...
ive never had a dream about another alter personally
wind shellBOT
Honestly never knew why I had the dream but at least I woke up to a message in my system journal that said Sweden heard about the dream and thought it was funny and that he loves that he was included even though he doesn't know why
V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️
The dreaming is an extremely new thing for us, so we'be had to bring it up to our therapist because they would never be remembered (weren't deemed important information is my guess)
Any tips on releasing too much anxious energy? I feel like my skin is buzzing.
limpid siren
I do a few things, i either get outside, or do jumping jacks and planks
(planks are my favorite though)
hybrid skiff
Any tips on releasing too much anxious energy? I feel like my skin is buzzing.
Stimming is a good way to release the energy
I flap my hands or bounce my leg
wind shellBOT
I might turn into flappy bird and start pacing then lol
that's a personal favourite
I've also got some good music going, so that's really nive
wind shellBOT
Once in our dream it made up a whole new alter who doesn’t exist and he was like a father figure to another alter and she kind of misses him
Ollie ↩️
oh yikes, i feel like that's happened to us before but I'm not sure
Arwen (our gatekeeper) found a note on our phone from the past two years about our weird-ass dreams and wants to dissect them
Gosh I keep spacing out. Feels like someone is trying to switch but unless I read my system journal I won't remember how it feels when each alter written down comes to front
wind shellBOT
When we don't attempt to trigger a switch it feels really disorienting and the alter coming in and alter leaving get really confused and scared
We never try to trigger a switch that can end badly
Fair enough. We mean helping an alter to come to front if they want to like different alters have different partners across a couple close systems and they'll want to front to talk to them so we'll help them and I'll step aside to make space for them ^^
wind shellBOT
Triggering switches is fine for us if the trigger is positive. Like, it’s not exactly the most disorienting thing to put a Bluey episode because front sucks and the little is about 3 seconds away from front either way
We forget that positive triggers are something that sometimes happens in our system
Samir [ He/Void/End ] ☀🪶 ↩️
most of our switches tend to be either positive or neutral
the ones where its negative triggers hit like a TRAIN
God negative triggers make me feel like a avalanch of feelings all at once and hurt so dang much
negative triggers suck so much, theyre the worst
Honestly the negative ones are more common for us, as if we have a really fast switch its because something is happening on the outside.
However the positive ones like the inside out soundtrack are really nice, and can bring the younger ones out fast and they enjoy that!
wind shellBOT
For us negative triggers are fast and just icky feeling
Kira 🌻 (✨🌿) ↩️
wind shellBOT
Negative triggers make us sick
Probably because we switch t what we call emotion protectors who feel no emotion so all distress just disappears so that's why it's not horrible for us
ember vessel
\ we’re so switchy and we’re at uni doing work so our handwriting keeps changing and it’s going to be really confusing to look at when we need it because half of it is easy to read and the other half is very messy
the “neater” handwriting is hard to read as well because to me it just looks like a mess. 😭
stable sapphire
\ That sucks sm
wind shellBOT
Spoke to a clinical pyschologist today about “voices”, it was my first session so I didn’t refer to them as “alters”.
But she seems to be believing us and talking to us about them to see how they affect us.
(while I was talking one of them was trying to push me out of front to get me to shut up though…)
wind shellBOT
tw, gender stuff ||Well today is a bad day in the system ever since our host identity has heard about the law that only male and female exist where they live they have been scared and crying and so far in the inner world no one can.find them||
wind shellBOT
how do you deal with internal arguments (i hope i’m phrasing that correctly)
like it’s just kinda distressing i guess /nav
bleak bramble
I have used a positive trigger for the person who usually deals with internal arguments/troubles
wind shellBOT
Anyone have any advice for improving communication with alters?
We’ve had little to none for over four months and it’s annoying, especially since I then have no control over who fronts
unique jolt
I started off with leaving sticky notes everywhere about things I needed done or what was going on, where things were etc and told them where they could reply. I also invited them on the sticky notes to try out the Hobbies we have around our apartment, see what they're interested in. Once I started getting replies (bc it can take a while) I bought a notebook and explained that there was the best way to contact me and also how to use our phone if they didn't know how to. Eventually as I started to heal a bit, I started understanding passive influence and tried communicating in the head space through parts I had contact with already (I'm not sure how to explain this bit bc for us its complex, and differs between systems).
This is no where near good enough communication for us. I still have v bad ||amnesia|| and can't control switches. But I am able to get my point across to parts in multiple ways now even if I can't directly
sorry I can't help more
wind shellBOT
That’s fine thanks, we have a journal which means we can have some communication, but due to other reasons we forget to write in it
wind shellBOT
yeah that works but it was more like. the alters who get thrown into front due to the internal conflict and them being.. anxious about it. i don’t really know- the original message was not well explained at all-
~Rocket~ ↩️
hot rock
That’s fine thanks, we have a journal which means we can have some communication...
Could alarms help you to remember?
wind shellBOT
Tried that 😅
wind shellBOT
It takes time :) Sometimes there was periods of time that we had little to no communication and sometimes there was too much communication
Yeah
fluid plank
We've been stuck in no communication for ages, constant blurriness and lack of identity
Now stuff is coming back to us and it's stressful
Figuring out who we are and all that
wind shellBOT
That is fair
wind shellBOT
Therapist used the word alter without us saying it first. I know it seems little but now I know he actually understands what DID is and he believes us which makes us feel way safer and like we may actually be able to get a diagnosis
limpid siren
The lack of communication scares us sometimes, it just fuels the imposter syndrome regarding it. Then we'll have something happen and they'll come back and be like "what did you think we would leave you alone, that's not how this works lol". /lh /nav
wind shellBOT
We actually get imposter syndrome from having them talk too-
It's not that much better on the other side 😭😭
limpid siren
On the other side it's me saying "c'mon man just like 5 minutes alone, i've got the situation under control"
wind shellBOT
One thing we would like is our pshyc to talk to us because we really like him. But it's hard with just a 30 minute appointment but he said he is gonna try to set some appointments to talk with us if we can work out ways to get us to come to front safely in quick but not stressful manner. We are willing to try this because he is the nicest and sweetest pshyc out of all the pshycs we get in that mental health place
hybrid skiff
Figuring out who we are and all that
Your pfp suprised me for a second cause me and our partner system used that pfp combo a long time ago haha
i was like “huh??” got so confused
digital abyss
its the way i read "dusty" too
wind shellBOT
Does anyone else feel super hurt when you tell someone you trust you have alters then get told by someone you know that someone you knew for longer and trusted to tell didn't tell you they have them but told someone that you knew but they met way later. My heart honestly hurts a bit because we were told they didn't want us to know. They know us and we are so kind sweet and caring and non judge mental with them 😢
pulsar wren
they have every right not to tell you, mate
wind shellBOT
Yeah..
It’s a case of you might feel you can trust them but they just need a bit more time to be able to trust you with the same stuff. Different people have different levels of trust with other people.
hybrid skiff
Excalty yeah
I feel bad we have to stop one of our alters from fronting alot because he has a girlfriend however it makes us feel weird and also very paranoid too. I’m going to see if I can work on those feelings with him + maybe have him try to front during therapy to work on those feelings. Like, I want it to see her and everything but we can’t keep feeling like that whenever zyr is there.
however however, yesterday was a good start cause it wasn’t bad at all. I (Blake) was also co-con so maybe that helped? Maybe he just needs someone in the back with zym too
pulsar wren
Ya’ll ever have teachers wonder why the heck all your essays have completely different weak points?
Like, one of will be really good at the thesis but horrible at analysis and one of us will write the best analysis but a nonsense conclusion. Our teachers have no idea what advice to give us ever because we seem to struggle with everything and nothing
wind shellBOT
We only wonder why our teachers don’t realise we have extremely different handwriting