#DID/OSDD-1 System Chat

1 messages · Page 11 of 1

hybrid skiff
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blendy, I get that

ember vessel
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\ going on 3 hours of blendiness. 👍

ember vessel
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woo so much fun! headache and no clue what’s going on or why. best things everrrr. /s

wind shellBOT
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Just woke up from a nape and we have 7 all together some co con and some co fronting and fronting. Its noisy right now

ember vessel
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we’re loud but really fuzzy so it’s just white noise sounding i guess.

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i hope it gets better for you soon. /gen

wet willow
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brains are so odd I swear. gone from literally hating someone's guts over a little issue to suddenly I feel guilty and have apologized multiple times. we're all torn, half of us wanting to just ignore him and the other half wanting to talk to him... but like what do you mean we all share one brain and are by technicality all one person /silly

hybrid skiff
wet willow
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Yesss. this actually was related to a friend and our ex. with our ex, he helped us realize we were a system but he also did us so much long term damage. more than making us realize we were a system, he just basically batch produced alters to help us cope so we finally noticed after a while it was a system and not just ADHD overlaying sounds + bad memory

wind shellBOT
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7 hours-

🫧💫 | do not @ping ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) \ going on 3 hours of blendiness. 👍

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there was a 1 hour-ish break in the middle and a couple times i think where things made sense. but. uhm. wow. ok- /nav

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Thanks we hope it gets better two

digital abyss
hybrid skiff
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shoutout to our lovely damion /sys (im so sorry buddy😭)

hybrid skiff
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like im chill and made peace with it but he has not😭✋

acoustic fjord
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how did y'all figure out you were systems? /gen

digital abyss
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Therapy

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And a lot of time

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Took 2 and a half years for us to map out at least a little bit of what the system looked like

wind shellBOT
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Well our host identity told us they started hearing voices them and their pshyc learned the difference from there schizophrenia symptoms. Then they started talking to people who have systems and researching from professionals and other system videos and said this fits them. After we started along with our host identity reviling we are a system and have alters and their pshycs over the years said let's see what symptoms you check for disositive disorders DID or OSDD 1A OR 1B and our host meets the requirement for one of them the pshyc is leaning for DID our host identity insurance just makes you pay thousands out of pocket for a diagnoses as a adult but their pshycs have said many times owe yeah you have a dissositive disorder and most likely DID due to symptoms we check off the list and have the symptoms on our record including how many alters are in our system which is 10 and our system name which is Warrior clan

Talia Pharol ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how did y'all figure out you were systems? /gen

ember vessel
wind shellBOT
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6-7 years to figure it out

Talia Pharol ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how did y'all figure out you were systems? /gen

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heavy denial tho

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yeah we got ||admitted|| cause they thought it was psychosis 🫶

Lukas Bondivick Norway 🍪 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Well our host identity told us they started hearing voices them and their pshyc learned the differen… 📎

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however I wouldnt completely dismiss it cause I think it runs in the family but obviously we know the difference and know the separation between it for us. so we might have that and did cause. well I don’t need to explain that cause trauma✌️ but yeah

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Doctors tried to say our host identity was lying which really upset all us in the system and took lots of protection and comforting to get them to go get a second option

[🗡] Damion - He/Him [🥀] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) yeah we got ||admitted|| cause they thought it was psychosis 🫶 📎

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Mhm

pulsar wren
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That’s all I’m gonna say

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The actual story revolves around a topic I cannot discuss in the server

heady hornet
# acoustic fjord how did y'all figure out you were systems? /gen

Was drawn to this interesting disorder called "DID" when I was 11 thought "it was cool" (it's very much not but I didn't know) and I "knew" I didn't have it because I didn't experience any trauma (unsurprisingly thought it was normal. It's not) and went on with life but one memory of talking to someone I couldn't see but knowing they were real kept getting pushed into my head no matter how many times I brushed it off as talking to myself and then at 13 joined discord and met systems and did a bit of research- "wait a minutes, that seems familiar- but I have no trauma??" and yea finally came to the conclusion I was in denial and then proceeded to deny until literally like 4 or 5 months ago where denial wasn't as much and today we still experience denial but we now have memories of solid proof and are seeing a psychiatrist right now. We saw her yesterday and will again in February because she couldn't make a decision from seeing us once and was very confused lol

Told from old hosts pov until about 2 (?) months ago when I became host

pulsar wren
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Why does everyone else have at least mildly neutral stories to how they figured it out?

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I’m just sitting here staring at the part of the system we split from my discovery experience

tight flax
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I dont remeber how i found out fully

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Like i dont remeber how i started to suspect

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Or like the experiances

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Idk how to describe it

wind shellBOT
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I found out about it from a friend and slowly started realising something was wrong, did a ton of research, built up the courage to tell some friends, and slowly started to work ourselves out
It’s all foggy cause we tend to have non-alter related dissociative amnesia as well, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it went

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We actually don’t tend to remember anything over a year ago very clearly, but honestly we had a host switch some point this year to me so could be that?

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Our memory is generally fucked

wind shellBOT
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Is it at all concerning if a classmate of ours has noticed the handwriting and note-style differences in our notes? They called it 'cool' but i am quite concerned by the whole situation

wind shellBOT
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i don’t think it’s concerning /gen

Adam (He/Him) ☀🪶 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Is it at all concerning if a classmate of ours has noticed the handwriting and note-style difference…

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people don’t generally think about things as much as you think they do /lh

azure egret
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my therapist and my med nurse both aren't denying my experience but are also not agreeing with the possibility of being a system. Everytime I start the back and forth gaslighting I beat myself up for making shit up but then when it's undeniable something is weird and I can't figure myself out I try to do more research and ???? I cannot tell if I'm sincerely planting stuff in my head to subconsciously think about later and convince myself?? but there's also the reason I started looking into it more: it feels so personal, reading about OSDD feels like reading a book where the main character is basically you. idk what to think anymore, it also doesn't help I have BPD which causes black and white thinking but it isn't always black and white with this, and just,,, yeah. I'll keep typing if I don't stop myself so ig I will lol

wind shellBOT
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Fair. Honestly, my opinion is that Adam was being paranoid, a lot of us are a bit paranoid. Not a negative thing technically, we just are

dylan | they/them | 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) people don’t generally think about things as much as you think they do /lh

wind shellBOT
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Host identitys mother has no clue we exist but our ||tics are so hard to hide|| we feel stressed hiding them but don't want to get questioned stressing us out more

wind shellBOT
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that makes sense. /gen

Samir [ He/Hive/Mimic ] ☀🪶 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Fair. Honestly, my opinion is that Adam was being paranoid, a lot of us are a bit paranoid. Not a ne… 📎

wind shellBOT
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Getting told it's not we its I when we refer to ourselves around our host identitys parents. Gosh this is embarrassing to us and even making our host identity is hiding and crying from it stressing them out. Being a system is helpful and hard -Norway

wind shellBOT
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i am so done

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i have just gone through everyone’s profiles

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and changed the display names

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to show the pronouns differently

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fixed everyone’s pronouns and deleted proxies we don’t use

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and

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done descriptions for everyone

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i am

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proud of this accomplishment

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because even though there’s not loads of us it was still way too much effort for the result

wind shellBOT
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that’s honestly so impressive, i only have 6 people (and one fragment) and it’s a nightmare to manage and remember all the information

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i’m not gonna say how many we have but also like other proxies and stuff with blurred and stuff on them

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if i make no sense i’m sorry but i’m not in a good mood and i don’t think i’m meant to make sense right now /nav

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but anyways there’s all the pronouns in the names already and some have done boundaries stuff before so she just copied and pasted stuff in

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it took like an hour maybe in total which sounds like a long time

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we’ve got a lot of info stored in places

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and isabella remembers this stuff i guess

pulsar wren
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We’ve got 8 and half the time we forget everyone’s info and it’s like “how many of us are there again?” No idea how Prim keeps up with his flower names thing honestly

heavy steppe
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We have 10 people in the system and with our server amnesia we always have to read up on everyone's profiles to try and not forget-Norway

wind shellBOT
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Us with 160+ 👀

Kira 🌻 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) that’s honestly so impressive, i only have 6 people (and one fragment) and it’s a nightmare to manag…

pulsar wren
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That’s a lot

hollow orchid
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I agree

wind shellBOT
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We have ~40+

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Most don’t tend to front though thankfully

heady hornet
# pulsar wren That’s a lot

Yea and lucky for me gatekeepers know the exact number right now and it was 243 before and for some reason went to 300+ (can't get exact number yet because of splitting)

heady hornet
bleak bramble
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I’m cautiously aware that people aren’t telling me anything rn, but I think we are at a stable 6.5 right now…

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it’s the sketchiest answer I get from anyone though 💀

wind shellBOT
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how do you all feel about people asking for alters to front?

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just curious

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If close and previously given permission, yes.
Any other situation, tell them to f off

wind shellBOT
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I don't have feelings about it. If someone does ask and that alter cannot front we simply tell them that. If the alter doesn't want to front, we tell them that. If we would prefer they not ask for alters to front, we tell them no because that's our right

If the alter says and fronts then that's fine, if the alter gets triggered into front by that then fine as long as they're safe. Otherwise we won't have feelings about it, we just tell the truth

isabella {she/any} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how do you all feel about people asking for alters to front?

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It makes us really uncomfortable

isabella {she/any} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how do you all feel about people asking for alters to front?

wind shellBOT
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If people ask for alters to front our system mates get mad. We really don't like being asked to front unless it's from the host identity husband

bleak bramble
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Computer, tell me how to know if you’re a new alter it just confused. Quickest route, no freeways.

pulsar wren
wind shellBOT
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Depends. Partner system or ppl really close to us? we dont mind-- depending who it is (co host, etc). otherwise.. its weird.

isabella {she/any} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how do you all feel about people asking for alters to front?

midnight drift
# wind shell how do you all feel about people asking for alters to front?

I think it usually is different system to system or alter to alter. For me personally I'm not a fan since we're not a very switchy system and it would 1) cause a lot of distress/exhaustion/unnecessary issues and 2) it's not often something I'm actually able to do

Only exception is if something is going wrong and someone who knows my system well is asking. I.e. a little is very distressed so they may ask "can you go get (one of the adults)?"

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.
Also it does feel slightly insulting? Even if it's not the intention it somewhat reads as "no I don't actually want to talk to you in this state; I want to talk to someone else and I'm just not interested in talking to you until you get one of your alters to front"

Not everyone is going to be friends with every alter, especially if you're a system who's parts are very different in personality or values. But it feels a little rude? Idk.

I don't personally ask my system friends to do it because it feels rude. If anything I try to see it as an opportunity to get to make a new friend!

wind shellBOT
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agreed for us. our PS is usually an exception and even then they dont do it often-- more so situational-- and irl.

Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) .
Also it does feel slightly insulting? Even if it's not the intention it somewhat reads as "no I do…

midnight drift
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Yeah honestly the only person who knows me well enough to actually ask that is my FP* who I spend basically all my time around. He is my friend but because of how my system presents he sees it as an extension of me and/or some extra bonus friends

He doesn't ask the others to front unless we're really blendy/switchy or if someone is out when it's not safe/ideal. Even then if we say no or can't he doesn't push

*(FP being favourite person; using this term with regard to BPD)

wind shellBOT
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this, as well as our PS doesnt ask to switch out-- more so if they can join along, kinda

Alex - @Ping me! [✨] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Yeah honestly the only person who knows me well enough to actually ask that is my FP* who I spend ba…

hybrid skiff
digital abyss
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no that too its really hard to

moreso as well its if a partner is fronting seeing if the adjacent partner will show up-- but never a gaurentee

heady hornet
hybrid skiff
digital abyss
midnight drift
heady hornet
wind shellBOT
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Our host identity husband triggers us and others to front from positivity, love or asking for us. He is the only one who can ask us to front

bleak bramble
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i think we switched hosts 🤡😭

civic iron
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I think we mightve split again idk all I know is I haven't known who I am for the last 6 days this sucks

bleak bramble
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REAL

wind shellBOT
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I wish you luck, I just got out of that and it was such a mess

wind shellBOT
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Been struggling with rapid fronts during convos lately and if we revile ourselves infront of the hosts parents their is no telling if it will be good or bad. Also man has headspace and front been crowded. 7 of us and the 3 little girls want front but we don't feel its safe yet till were home or at least leave Wednesday

[The Notes] F; Lime ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) I think we mightve split again idk all I know is I haven't known who I am for the last 6 days this s…

wind shellBOT
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this is slightly bizzare, so i recently updated my avatar the other day(there are a couple things i need to change still) and i was looking at my profile and then another alter was also using his account and i noticed that we have super similar skin tones, but in headspacs im a bit darker then him, hes white, and in headspace km brown, its not like its bothering me or anything but i just find it really strange that i only noticed this now, even tho i didnt change the tone i had on my avatar and hes had the same avatar for ages, im not sure entirely sure why im bringing this up, ig i just found t super strange and a weird mistake, tjough km not sure if it was a mistake i have to get someone else to see but idk

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Its not like a big thing or anytbing its just bizzare ig

pulsar wren
azure egret
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we lost our access to our therapist this morning after our biggest persecutor/protector (?) lost her shit and more or less blew up our shared life. It needed to happen so we're happy it did, it just was unfortunately messy and chaotic. We're very emotionally hungover and feel like tv static but hopefully this will be a step in the right direction for us. So thank you all in this system chat for welcoming us how you did and talking to us. Hope everybody has a nice day 🫶

azure egret
wind shellBOT
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does anyone have any tips for actually staying out of front? I need to have a break but i come to front alot and idk how to lessen the amount of times i do that(im trying to do some mental health care and stuff as i have alot of stuff going on right now on top of being really burnt out) and i just need tips on how i can try to stay out of front

wind shellBOT
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developing healthy coping mechanisms, identifying triggers, practicing self-care, and communicating with your alters to understand their needs can help also if you have a Gatekeeper ask them stuff. I talk to my gate keeper on a daily and they tell all us ik the system of its safe to come to front when needed or when it's time to go back someone else needs a turn

wind shellBOT
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I need to do some work with our gatekeeper because things have felt very weird lately and I need to convey that we are in a good place currently.

wind shellBOT
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Can someone help me understand the whole you can be influenced by a alter thing. Like for example we watched a system video on YouTube and someone said I am eating barbecue chips but I don't like them but another alter does and so on

wind shellBOT
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Passive influence is, like, at least for us, when someone’s close to front but not really so they influence the fronter. If the system is a car and the driver’s seat is front and the trunk is not front then passive influence feels like someone’s sitting in the back seat and whispering in your ears

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Owe ok i am starting to understand

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Been getting it with food and we also get summoned as we call it when someone says our name to

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Second part is just being called to front isn’t it?

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Think so not good at remembering terms

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We also get when names summon people to front but it’s hard to figure out which name’ll do that cause all of us have at least 2

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I have 4 I think

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Wow that is interesting. Do you guys prefer one name from the other

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Yea, usually when we form we have number or letter name for some odd reason. Most of us don’t like them so we change them

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This doesn’t go for introjects since our first name comes from source and is usually generally more of an actual name

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Ah so is the second name like a nickname

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basically

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I have 4 cause source name, deadname, Samir, Arson

wet willow
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am like 3 but aedan doesn't understandd and zooma is mad

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nikis kind here buy can't talhe outliud

wind shellBOT
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Makes sense

wet willow
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dunno what do

heady hornet
# wind shell Can someone help me understand the whole you can be influenced by a alter thing....

They can make the body speak and whatever fronter usually doesn't feel that coming so it's kinda like your body is speaking while you're not saying anything

Emotions. They can cause emotions to come up or if someone is crying and passive influence does stuff then the body may cry

Stealing memories essentially. Someone can be there and hear someone speaking but when they leave they take the memory so the fronting person doesn't remember

Something else that I can't remember too

azure egret
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one of our alters caused a dramatic plot line to the soap opera that is my family life and our mother is being petty as always, but now that we aren't ignoring eachother's thoughts and concerns and acknowledging that we're all here, it's impossible to excuse being treated like garbage any longer. But our littles just want her to love us. They want their mom to see them and be seen, instead of ignored while she tells Abe (our dog) how much she missed him. She wants to take half of the animals away including the baby. She wants to take our (especially Sandy's, our animals are the closest thing to children she'll probably ever get) babies away from us because somehow us calling out her actions, that hurt us so incredibly deeply, are deemed punishable. We just want to be treated well. But that really is too much to ask I guess. -Tyler

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tldr: we called out our mother on her shit and are being punished for it, and the littles just want their mom to love them but we don't wanna continue the cycle of ||abuse|| oof - Tyler

wind shellBOT
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That is good information to know. No wonder we cry sometimes and have no ideaand yeah we have felt like some of our memories have been taken before

heady hornet
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What are your guy's opinions on alters from mcyt sources? Because I hear alot about people faking DID and OSDD specifically having mcyt (usually dsmp) alters, and I wanted to know how you guys feel about it? (Not trying to hate on anyone who has mcyt alters :)

weak basinBOT
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GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 3!

coral flint
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…we have like 5 from dsmp specifically from wayy after the hype or whatever and it’s kinda upsetting that that’s the stereotype
I think it started cause dsmp was so popular at the time, but ours formed 2023 and after :/

pulsar wren
# heady hornet What are your guy's opinions on alters from mcyt sources? Because I hear alot ab...

I think the idea of hating on them is stupid. An alter’s source doesn’t dictate their validity. Darcy’s ( an alter we have ) source is a random webcomic. Alters can have super niche sources, alters can have super popular sources, alters can have any source. People who do those stupid lists of why they think someone is faking DID/OSDD and put ‘has alters from [ insert thing here ]’ are jerks

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I don’t care if someone thinks Hazbin alters or MCYT alters or anime alters are ‘not plausible’ or ‘the media came out too recently for that to happen’ that’s not how that works

heady hornet
pulsar wren
coral flint
wind shellBOT
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i have acouple of word triggers ans i think other alters do too

Berwald Oxenstierna Sweden 🍪 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Been getting it with food and we also get summoned as we call it when someone says our name to

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Oh i also have a person trigger (it only happens sometkmes tho? Like it happens most of the time but soemtimes not?)

pulsar wren
coral flint
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Ahh that sucks,, /gen

pulsar wren
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Eh, we never liked them any ways

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People who fake being systems tend to have other unlikeable qualities

wind shellBOT
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Yea

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That is definitly true

coral flint
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Haha for sure

simple hinge
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Would anyone here be willing or able to help me with setting up a system bot please? No pressure or anything just figured since a lot of you here are using them and might be okay to help out?

coral flint
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Are you a system? Cause if so you should get the role
(I don’t have time to help but just wanted to say that)

pulsar wren
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First off you should get the system role, it’s the ‘I have alters’ role

simple hinge
simple hinge
pulsar wren
simple hinge
pulsar wren
paper crater
hybrid skiff
hybrid skiff
heavy steppe
wind shellBOT
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we’ve got Doctor Who and LOTR 🥸

digital abyss
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A couple walten files introjects peeks

hybrid skiff
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I dont even want to say the series of alters we got bro😭 its just a huge weird crossover episode everyday (excluding the non-introjects)

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like wdym Monika and Bonnie are just causally talking to each other (they haven’t but thats just a example lol)

digital abyss
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giggling

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nah shit like that gets us fakeclaimed ong

hybrid skiff
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yeah

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thats why we don’t talk about it and/or why the introject rarely front

digital abyss
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Were a very non-human heavy system

hybrid skiff
digital abyss
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just a fish

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and like three void people

hybrid skiff
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yeah. imagine having a literal fox just scurrying around.

its crazy (I havent seen the silly tho in a hot minute)

digital abyss
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nods

tight flax
heady hornet
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We got

Umbrella Academy
Seven deadly sins
Tinkerbell
13 reasons why
Cars
DC titans (live action thing)
Dsmp
Encanto
Ever after high
George Lopez
H2o
Shadow hunters
Sonic the hedgehog
Teen titans
Wednesday Addams
Winx Saga
Young Sheldon

hollow orchid
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We have Ancient Greek Mythology, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Deltarune

pulsar wren
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I feel bad for whoever’s from 13 reasons why

wind shellBOT
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We have the hetalia nordic 5

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One of the littles we have is part cat

digital abyss
weak basinBOT
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GG @digital abyss, you just advanced to level 29!

digital abyss
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wild level up message

heady hornet
heady hornet
pulsar wren
# heady hornet ?

Not to criticise ya’ll’s taste in shows or ya’ll, at all, that’s talking exclusively about the show not about any alters y’all have. It just has very unfortunate statistics surrounding it

heady hornet
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Yes we know. That is why we split the specific alters we did. Also please don't ping /nbr

weak basinBOT
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GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 4!

pulsar wren
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Oh, sorry

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Also, that makes sense

heady hornet
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It's fine ^

wind shellBOT
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Nodders. There's quite a few for us that would get us on the "r/fakedisordercringe" for merely existing.

connor ╱ vince [ ⭐🖤 ] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Lol we considered not doing it but decided it wasn't that bad. Surprisingly they're mostly from chil…

coral flint
weak basinBOT
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GG @coral flint, you just advanced to level 16!

coral flint
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Oh yippee

acoustic fjord
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It's always the minority of pretenders who smear the reputation of those who actually have symptoms of such complex mental conditions.

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I honestly do not care what someone's DID consists of at this point, I just accept it as it is.

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The idea we're supposed to just be a default human is so outdated and wrong.

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I'm a singlet but I've dealt with something close to splitting before.

azure egret
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I hate how it's up to people that have only seen representation in media to decide if something they either don't have or have most likely never met someone with (at least knowingly) is real or fake which,,, I really hope I'm right in saying there are far more people that do than are faking (but I have no faith in humanity anymore oof)
"but yeah no that isn't how that presents at all not even a little it's despicable you'd fake that 😤"

wind shellBOT
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I think one of our alters has a dream, but it wasn’t mine

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normally i don’t remember dreams at ALL, so this is a strange feeling for me

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Interesting

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finding entries from other alters that i don’t remember at all kinda makes my argument that i’m anthropomorphising my feelings fall flat.

wind shellBOT
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I literally just go “what even is this???” To anything anyone other alter says ever

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I’ve been dealing with monumental amounts of imposter syndrome lately, so finding things that i don’t remember doesn’t help lol

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True. Also, we’re having a running issue with people ‘borrowing’ our notebook ( writing in it so the teacher doesn’t figure out they don’t have their notebook ) so, like, we can’t tell if ours school notes are ours or someone else’s anymore so the imposter syndrome is also spiking for us right now

wind shellBOT
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We had the hosts mother try to look at their system journal before and me and others fronting were freaking out and even cried a bit due to we didn't want to be exposed to someone who questions us 24/7

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Way to stressful

wind shellBOT
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yea, sounds super stressful

pulsar wren
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That proxy feels wrong…

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Too blurry for this, I guess

coral flint
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Would anyone be able to explain what happened in the bot channel? /nf

hot rock
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People are mad for someone “claiming” to be a system

digital abyss
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Yea that

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iduno tbh we try and stay out of wtvr tf is happening w that

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even tho we was mentioned

coral flint
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Alright
I honestly have no idea who the person is but they’ve got one of our irl friends added so I’m so confused

heady hornet
#

Ive been helping my friend with his alters (we've just discovered this and I've been taking this as an opportunity to study) and I said "are you going to refer to yourself as a system name now"
Pause
"The homie system"
"The gangalang system"
"YOOOO!"
"YOOOOOOOO!"

#

He started talking about voices in his head and I said "what if you talked to them."

#

he had literally never considered it.

#

They only partially front depending on the trigger or situation (one of them, the gatekeeper randomly full fronts for a bit, with amnesia)

#

He has heavy headspace interaction and he can speak with them

#

I find it interesting, I've been taking notes and asking roundabout questions to find roles

#

Just thought it was cool c:

heady hornet
#

Kai is almost always in constant (host/main alter)

#

he has one that gave no name, and I've discovered is a persecutor, trauma holder, AND addiction holder. It's this insane little staticy thing I named "Fin". (from Finis, end in Latin) I attempted to nickname it something else, this is the only name that didn't give Kai a literal headache. Fin refused to interact propperly, and wasnt known well in the headspace. Literal shadow figure.

pulsar wren
#

Doesn’t seem like a lot but I think this is the shortest amount of time between multiple switches and co-cons/fronts we’ve had in a while

IMG_5247.png
#

This ain’t even accurate, I’m like 80% sure Prim and S were there at some point

#

Close enough though

tight flax
#

Oh i am freinds with that person wth

pulsar wren
#

Replying to me or Astronaut?

#

I assume Astronaut

tight flax
#

No raven

pulsar wren
#

Ohh

wind shellBOT
#

Was just having a conversation with someone and mentioned I'm not the host. They asked our name and I have a quick rundown of who's in front and they haven't responded since after Riley said hello. I know they're not a close friend but ouch ig? It kinda hurts when the rest of us are ignored just because we don't front often

wind shellBOT
#

I don't particularly like getting affectionate messages from people I don't really know.

#

I'm aware I'm not very trusting but.. no.

#

Ugh we have a migraine and everything sucks. I want the host back to deal with this. He's used to it. I want food but cooking is so hard when you're so short.

hybrid skiff
hollow orchid
#

Is it possible to have an alter thats human but shifts between being non human and human?

wind shellBOT
#

yee

Duck Lord (pls @ reply) {📜} ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Is it possible to have an alter thats human but shifts between being non human and human?

#

we got plenty of shapeshift alters actually

#

(me included floor )

hollow orchid
#

Oki, thanks. We’re pretty sure that our host is sometimes a robot but we also have a robot alter 🤷‍♀️

wind shellBOT
#

nwnw

hollow orchid
#

Thanks!

wind shellBOT
#

Time for the temporary fusion yay /sarc

#

Super switchy today

wind shellBOT
#

Hate being switchy. Me and 7 of us have been out for a long time during these flare ups with mental health

wind shellBOT
#

we’ve had such a nice time of not being switchy and now we are switchy and tired and need to do something

pulsar wren
#

Was switchy yesterday, no idea why

#

Wait, why are we all switchy?

#

Odd coincidence

heady hornet
#

Hah we were too yesterday

wind shellBOT
#

Sometimes we are switchy close to holidays because of all the stress excetra

#

i can assume why we’re switchy right now

#

because there was triggers throughout the day

#

but like

#

really inconvenient

pulsar wren
#

Fair

#

We’ve got nothing recently so I don’t know for us

wind shellBOT
#

it’s also half 12 at night and i historically do not sleep and we need sleep today so uhm. that’s inconvenient too

#

sometimes it takes a while for us to figure it out

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) We’ve got nothing recently so I don’t know for us

pulsar wren
#

Fair

wind shellBOT
#

but i can think of things that would make this make sense

#

but sometimes it’s like

#

maybe i shouldn’t try figure it out because if i don’t know then i’m maybe not meant to know

pulsar wren
#

We generally go by “if Samir or Adam don’t know it then the rest of us probably shouldn’t”

#

It’s worked pretty well so far

heady hornet
# wind shell i can assume why we’re switchy right now

We dissociative a lot. Like to the point of at least 6-8 bouts of dissociation minimum in a day and that's just minimum and we dissociative throughout the day which is why we can never remember our day and the dissociation makes us switch

wind shellBOT
#

There have been days where we disosiate so much that when we're out we find out we switched over ten times

bleak bramble
#

Honestly it’s been so blendy lately that it’s caused a persistent migraine

#

either that or the other way around, the consistent migraines have made it impossible to tell who is who

hollow orchid
#

We’re switchy today

heavy steppe
#

Think i switched. Not sure how I got here holding a stuffy and my eyes look like i was crying

pulsar wren
#

Sounds usual

heavy steppe
#

Ok that makes sence

wind shellBOT
#

Apparently, all the stress recently’s made one of our old guys come out of dormancy. Apparently??? I mean, I’ve never met the guy but according to Adam they went into dormancy before I figured we were a system. Didn’t do much but they deadnamed me ( not really, they didn’t use my deadname, they used my source name ) and then stole one of my names. What do I with that??? Genuinely. Why are half our older alters absolute nightmares to deal with???

#

Whatever higher power exists is laughing at me right now

#

How is anyone meant to deal with this???

heady hornet
#

Don't my singlet self stalking here to gain information for a friend with newly discovered DID hehehe

pulsar wren
#

I mean, you can stalk if you want, nothing’s stopping you

wind shellBOT
#

Feel free to ask any questions if ya want, just be warned some may not be answered

astronaut ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Don't my singlet self stalking here to gain information for a friend with newly discovered DID heheh…

pulsar wren
#

I really like questions, honestly. Rambling is a hobby for me

tight flax
#

Valid

hybrid skiff
heady hornet
#

Anyone else somehow switch in their sleep or are we just weird or something?-

hybrid skiff
#

nah nah thats common with us. sometimes we will wake up as someone else

wind shellBOT
#

Yeah, Just this morning I ended up fronting with Amber

heavy steppe
#

We get switches in our sleep a lot

wind shellBOT
#

Moss!! eeeeee eeeeee

Moss +[He/They] { 📜 } ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Yeah, Just this morning I ended up fronting with Amber

wind shellBOT
#

i’ve been so dissociated all day and i keep suddenly remembering “this is reality” and it’s getting really annoying-

#

using my proxy feels wrong even though i know i’m me. ughhh-

wind shellBOT
#

Oh, okay, so, what do I do with that?

V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) oh help felt some of ours were like that too

#

That as in them

#

as in the guy who came out of dormancy

hybrid skiff
#

basically we had the person having the name first go by the name and having the other go by something else

wind shellBOT
#

Oh, no, they have another name, they had one, then they saw one of mine noted and was just like “this is mine now.” At least from what I’ve seen.

heady hornet
hybrid skiff
hybrid skiff
bleak bramble
#

It’s the way I wish I could magically press a button and figure out who is fronting

#

it’s so blendy rn it’s driving me insanw

pulsar wren
#

Same

hollow orchid
#

Me too

pulsar wren
#

Do y’all also entirely forget how to do something? Like, I crocheted last week but I went to continue that project and realised I didn’t remember how to hold the yarn, what to do with the hook, how to do a magic ring, all the basics

#

This a repeated thing as well

heady hornet
#

I think DID overall is incredibly interesting but i now have multiple friends in one (I recognize them all as different people, so far im only friends with the main host and one alter) and the others are cool to think about

weak basinBOT
#

GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 8!

heady hornet
#

like woah dude! theres other people in that brain! thats so cool and probably frustrating but also woah!

#

My friend is 16 but he has 2 alters that are adults (22, jericho, and 34, jaiden) and its cool to seethe difference in texting

#

and ask about headspace

#

more bros!

#

we're currently trying to put together one mystery alter that seems to be the literal evl incarnate. trauma holder, persecutor, addiction holder, possibly fragmented alter (it was described in the headspace by jericho as pure emotions, sharp and jagged)

#

i named it Fin (we decided this name because it was the only one that made Fin stop hurting Kai's head. it has a strong impact)

hot rock
#

How does being a system works in school and/or at work? Do you go by your main hosts name? (Hope I got the terms right!)

wind shellBOT
#

weirdly enough, random name generators worked for Cerena “‘so

#

*lmao

#

I feel like this is specific for each person, but I can definitely say that with it being a covert disorder, I would assume that going by the body’s name works the best. Luckily, I am mainly fronting at work along side Audrey

Matthew (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) How does being a system works in school and/or at work? Do you go by your main hosts name? (Hope I g…

#

however! we finally hit a MASSIVE milestone of telling someone about our plurality minus super close friends, this person being our supervisor. Now that they know, she’s offered to use different names and pronouns at work, which still feels jarring, but I have a feeling Dani will 100% latch onto that

#

when it comes to school, I personally take the approach of net neutrality if that makes sense lol. We have some people that are LGBTQ+, but it works out if we just say “any pronouns and people are hot” lol

hot rock
#

Isn’t Main host and body the same? /gq

wind shellBOT
#

Covert disorders (like DID, and a few others, but my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders, too early) are disorders that specifically have mechanisms within it to make it hard to notice. the whole point of the disorder is to fly unnoticed for as long as it can. that’s why imposter syndrome and doubt are such big proponents of OSDDID.

Matthew (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) What’s a covert disorder?

#

Someone else correct me if I’m wrong about this, but host and body don’t always correlate. Currently my name would go with the body, but technically a different alter is host right now

Matthew (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Isn’t Main host and body the same? /gq

hot rock
#

Thank you for answering my questions! I find this community so fascinating. Thanks for learning me new stuff.

weak basinBOT
#

GG @hot rock, you just advanced to level 14!

wind shellBOT
#

I go by our deadname/legal name, if we could we’d go by my name which is the host’s name because I’m host. The way we do school is write notes like we are planning to share them with someone who is absent for whatever reason so we can look over the notes and get what subject it was for, what class it was for, what day the class was, what points the class touched on, what equations or definitions we need to know in detail, what things were discussed in detail, and any assignments we have. In terms of exams, we have our exams noted and the material saved to our phone and tablet, we have reminders set to study for certain exams, stuff like that. Basically we pretend like everything is a group project and the other people in the project are almost never available the same time we are and we have no idea who’ll give the final presentation

Matthew (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) How does being a system works in school and/or at work? Do you go by your main hosts name? (Hope I g…

#

thank you for responding about that bit 💀
forgot i haven’t had to navigate coursework after catching wind i’m a system

#

Fair. Only me and Adam, and occasionally Prim and Darcy in our system deal with school work so this is more like a method we’ve worked out between the four - mainly two - of us rather than a system wide thing

#

it would be such a disaster if we had to work out a method between all of us

#

What is the rules on cursing again?

#

Because I have a question and I use voice to text and I can guarantee it won’t be clean (obviously nothing insane, just want to check)

pulsar wren
#

In the server?

wind shellBOT
#

or here yeah

pulsar wren
#

You can curse but not every sentence or every other sentence

wind shellBOT
#

bet

pulsar wren
wind shellBOT
#

How can you tell the difference between having a hyper-imaginative brain and having a new alter? It’s so damn confusing! Our brain likes to play the game of “what if?!” for new alters, but we then also get the emotions that would be attached to it. Legit was crying at work because we couldn’t find our son. We don’t have a son-

pulsar wren
#

I’m not sure?

#

We’ve never had anything like that, sorry

wind shellBOT
#

sick 🥸

#

all good

wind shellBOT
#

the generally accepted definition of what a host is would be “they’re in front the most and take care of most of everyday life things (school, chores, work, socialising)”. sometimes they relate to the body the most (as in physical characteristics, gender presentation, name) but sometimes they don’t.

the host is an alter within the system and the body is the physical body that the system shares. to our knowledge at least.

we have alters who are more comfortable with the body than ryn is. but ryn is the host as they front the most often and do almost everything.

some systems have co-hosts and such else but i can’t speak on that from a personal point of view.

Matthew (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Isn’t Main host and body the same? /gq

#

No. The body is the corporeal flesh suit we inhabit. The host is the person who fronts the most

Matthew (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Isn’t Main host and body the same? /gq

#

new alters would come with dissociation right? i’m not really sure otherwise.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽Cerena☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) How can you tell the difference between having a hyper-imaginative brain and having a new alter? It’…

#

New alters definitely come with dissociation, at least for us. We’ve been dissociating a lot more lately and a bit before one of our alters came out of dormancy. And with new alters it’s quite a bit worse, they don’t at least know the basics already

wind shellBOT
#

that’s the issue we’re currently facing… Our dissociation is very high because we’ve had perpetual migraines for the past two weeks. Not sure if the migraines are causing the association and feeling of blendy stuff or if it’s the other way around.

#

That we were relatively recently diagnosed, so there’s still the whole processing of what it means

heady hornet
hot rock
#

That makes sense

#

Like a band name sort of

hollow orchid
#

Yup

#

We generally go by the host’s name

heady hornet
#

Ours are in our name in server

#

Connor and vince

#

We just go by the body's name though. My name (the host) is different from the body's name

hollow orchid
#

I forgot to mention but our host’s name is a nickname of the body’s name

heady hornet
#

We had that with Mara then we switched hosts

heavy steppe
#

Got hetalia merch from my brother for xmas which is awesome because that is where my nordic 5 alters came from I found out😍

simple hinge
#

I know it’s been a while ( we totally forgot ) is there anyone free to help set up a system bot rn?

simple hinge
pulsar wren
simple hinge
weak basinBOT
#

GG @simple hinge, you just advanced to level 2!

simple hinge
#

Oh cool

#

I think I really need to get some supports for this disorder, it’s kinda messing up my life and ignoring them isn't really working yk lol

pulsar wren
#

Yes, ignoring alters doesn’t work, at all

#

But also I have a personal thing with our therapist where they will refer to us and ‘Samir and the voices in his head’ and then, like, Adam or Raine or Prim or whoever will be talking to them and it’s like “You think we’re what???” The only thing we get from our therapist is denial, I tell you, complete denial

#

If you find people who like actually know a lot about DID and care to listen then it’s great, otherwise one spends hours just arguing their own existence

#

Ignoring alters or treating them like they’re lesser doesn’t work in my experience

simple hinge
simple hinge
simple hinge
pulsar wren
pulsar wren
simple hinge
wind shellBOT
#

Yonow what sucks about whatthcing tv shows as a system, at least for me when the show is complex such as arcane or umbrella academy i can rneeber the general gist but not like details unless ove watched it a binch of times, and it takes the pleasure and makes it harder to follow if its complex, like futurama or gravity falls you sometimes need to know the gist but mainly dont need to rmebeer details bu tlike arcane its really hard to figure stuffout

And like stuff like helluva boss which ive watched so many tomes, especially in the first season when i first watche dit i had to rewatch it because i forgot major plot stuff and its so bloody annoying

pulsar wren
#

I get that. I always have to keep whatever wiki the show has on my phone whenever I watch one cause I forget who all the characters are. That’s why I like shows which are animated and are episodic with smaller casts. I don’t need to remember remember the plot cause there isn’t one and there’s such few characters with such distinct designs that I don’t need to flip through thirty wiki pages just to figure out which character is who

#

Which mostly means that I watch children’s shows

wind shellBOT
#

Ooh wiki i never thought of, also yea i also really like small cast, animated, episodic, even if it becomes like more multiple episode plots later on i already kinda know the charachters cause there ahve been so manh episodes eith them

#

Valid

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Which mostly means that I watch children’s shows

pulsar wren
#

Wikis are super useful, basically my greatest discovery

wind shellBOT
#

Thanks for that tip

wind shellBOT
#

do you ever just give up tracking front because it got too complicated and you’re speaking with 5 accents in one sentence

#

because all i know is i’m here

#

and there’s an australian and an american and another english (i’m english) and a scottish

#

probably multiple scottish

#

but all ive got is me

#

so

#

bit too complicated

bleak bramble
#

I’ve honestly given up trying to figure it out lol

heavy steppe
#

I track my best and hope i'm right

pulsar wren
#

Half our logs are ‘unknown’

coral flint
#

…we have 10 people logged as front and cocon

pulsar wren
#

That’s more people than we have in our entire system (0-0 )

coral flint
#

Woah

pulsar wren
#

How do y’all handle that?

heavy steppe
tight flax
#

We had one time a while ago when there was less people and like everyone fronted at once for like a minute(which at the time i think was 18??)

#

It was hecticcccccc

coral flint
#

Plus two of them are acting like high school girls (they pretty much are) and whispering and avoiding us

tight flax
#

💀

wind shellBOT
#

also how do people deal with calling the bodies parents mum or dad(or whatever you call them) cause like we have quite a few alters(the younger ones) who do see them as their parents- i dont but i still find myself calling thme mum or dad and i dont want too but like its kinda habit but not???

wind shellBOT
#

We do it cause if we didn’t then very bad things would occur so we don’t feel any particular way about it at all and we don’t see them as our parents

hybrid skiff
#

alter*

coral flint
#

It was honestly funny when one of our alters who is older than both our parents referred to our dad as dad over text

wind shellBOT
#

my favourite is we have a few people who either canonically don’t have parents or are way too old to even think about it and they treat my parents like coworkers

wet willow
#

gonna lose it if Tumblr recommends me one more pro-endo post. I can't be bothered to block the tag but tumblrs algorithm is taking the mick

wind shellBOT
#

I use tumbler for anime only but if I had endo stuff I would lose it to

wet willow
#

yeah I basically only use it for mcyt/hermit craft things but I'm getting sick of endos popping up in the middle of me scrolling headcanons and fanart

pulsar wren
#

I used to have it but what I did was just ignore it and like other posts till it went away

heady hornet
#

We only use it for emojis so we can use emojis in discord with nitro so we never scroll

wind shellBOT
#

Our mom woke us up with a ton of chores to do, and I’m just sitting here like “literally any other day this would’ve been fine, but you got my ass”

#

Anyway we had a dream where someone was using a pink pen in our journal (Dani has alters use different colours, and nobody uses pink) and now there’s some stirring that I don’t appreciate

#

Some of our host identity alters are starting to use diffrent colors for their writing for stuff as well. I think they want to distinguish themselves more

#

We’ve found it pretty helpful, especially when trying to figure out the vibe for the day lol

#

I mean we own a 144 pack of color pencils so they got plenty of colors to chose from and yeah its becoming helpful

#

We’ve been using pens because I was doing research about preservation of journals and found pen is better

#

Ooo that is interesting

#

It would be cool to look back on them in 30 years

#

Yes also ugh our memory issues are annoying us we keep using arrow keys for a game arrow keys don't work for

#

Our communication barriers have been getting dramatically worse so it helps

#

Our who are we and why are we fronting is getting scarry bsd

#

REAL

heady hornet
digital abyss
hybrid skiff
#

yee

wind shellBOT
#

Normally I deal with altercations within headspace. This is interesting…

wind shellBOT
#

How do you deal with a specific alter who feels as if she has been ripped from her life?

#

This isn’t something I’d bring to our gatekeeper as of yet since she isn’t a danger to herself or others, but she misses her husband and friends that are now technically “from the TV show” rather than her life.

#

Just gently coaxing probably, and if all else fails, see if you can find a server with a source-call to see if any of those friends are in another system for her to talk to

#

How would a source-call work? I’m not sure I’ve heard of that before.

wind shellBOT
#

Basically send a message/form and anyone from that source can reply and you can talk in or out of the server

#

One we did

IMG_3099.png
wind shellBOT
#

whoa wait where did you send that?

#

this chat and one other is basically the only place where i can talk to people that have alters, so i’m not used to this type of thing.

wind shellBOT
#

Figured out why I’ve been so blurry all week

#

yoooo me too

#

For me it’s cause Cipher’s been co, we’re co a lot apparently, figured it out because he’s the only one in our system who uses my source name

#

aaaaaahhh

#

nah we just found a new person

#

hope you're doing okay though!

#

I’m doing alright, less blurry now that I’ve figured that out. He’s still here though

#

he says hi

#

Hi!

#

hello hello

#

New person, sounds fun

☁☆.𓋼𓍊 Danielle! 𓍊𓋼𓍊.☆ ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) nah we just found a new person

#

it makes Audrey happy so it worked out in the end

#

our gatekeeper is relatively new, so when she went to Arwen and went "please let there be someone from my source here", Arwen went "fuck my bad bro" and Nathan was here magically

#

apparently he split the same time she did as a sort of package deal

#

makes sense, me and Sami are also a package deal of sorts

#

doesn't help Koda was picking a fight with her while both were actively fronting

#

that was a whole mess

#

how do you pick a fight while forming?

#

Koda was fronting, and he wanted to watch a show that happened to be Audrey's source, and this borderline triggered Audrey. She doesn't like crying, but she ended up crying, and this immediately sent our old gatekeeper into front to de-escalate things. Audrey ended up leaving front, finding Nathan, and getting so happy that I have a feeling we won't see them for a few days 0-0

#

sounds like a delight

#

I just took SO much pain medication for the headache lmao

#

lmao

#

Gosh sounds like a lot. I feel like last night I had to take so much pain m eds. I found out last night i front while tired. A friend noticed it because he has noticed when we front and what it looks like for me and others in our system

wind shellBOT
#

A fight has made us feel switchy as hell

hybrid skiff
#

understandable, after a fight alot of emotions are happening and everyone is on edge and so the body panics.

I get that

bleak bramble
#

God i felt this, external fights or issues can be so damaging to the front

wind shellBOT
#

We had to deal with a situation at work (we lifeguard) where our coworker got very hurt and while we were fine in the moment, the next 36 hours were HELL for switching

wind shellBOT
#

woe from 7 to 8 all around front. One front, most co con and a observation gosh so loud today

azure egret
#

Hello! Really random but I did a lot of stuff today that requires not only a lot of effort and energy but a lot of courage! I made a tiktok and a reel and am trying to put ourselves out there! Some of us worked hard on the thing we made and I'm super excited and proud of us! So I wanted to share our success since I'm not as shy as some of us and I want the other to feel confident in themselves! so yeah!! Big day 😁 -Xander 🙂

azure egret
pulsar wren
#

You can turn off that setting in settings if you want :D

azure egret
heady hornet
#

I feel like I'm starting to be more separated from other alters and we feel more validated than ever but at the same time just as invalid. We finally feel okay as a system and like we are in harmony. The blackout amnesia feels kinda close again but for right now it's just really bad amnesia but we finally feel like we're right about being a system and we can talk to each other better than ever and other alters are helping me identify more alters

wind shellBOT
#

so blurryyyyyy.

#

how many voices can one system switch between in 10 seconds.. /sil

wind shellBOT
#

Oh god felt

wind shellBOT
#

Relatable

#

oh, wait, no, my pronouns are so wrong

#

fixed

#

The cons of having fluid pronouns. The proxy is never right

#

Cons of having fluid pronouns and being part of a system. The absolute imposter syndrome

#

( that’s not the right word but it’s close enough )

hollow orchid
#

Real

bleak bramble
#

me when i’m convinced there’s like 4 people fronting but also like, none

heady hornet
#

@strange sable

#

Hey you get over here

strange sable
#

gasp

#

Omg.

heady hornet
#

you have found your people

#

You now no longer have to ask me, a singlet about such manners with your D.I.D

strange sable
#

Singlet? 🤣

heady hornet
#

That's the term bro how out of touch are you

strange sable
#

Is that what they call people who don't have alters?

heady hornet
#

Yes.

#

Bro.

strange sable
#

I'm sorry it just sounds funny.

heady hornet
#

-# it does lol

strange sable
#

No offense but it's funny.

heady hornet
#

Hehehe

heady hornet
pulsar wren
strange sable
#

Hello!

pulsar wren
#

We’re also a system Frogwave

strange sable
#

It's tough fr 😫

pulsar wren
#

Fr

strange sable
#

How many alters do you have?

weak basinBOT
#

GG @strange sable, you just advanced to level 1!

pulsar wren
#

9

strange sable
#

9..?

#

Lord.

pulsar wren
#

Is that a lot???

#

Some folks here have a lot more

#

I’m on the lower end

strange sable
#

Well I only have like 4.

pulsar wren
#

That’s chill

strange sable
#

Well what are there names, roles, and personality?

#

Sorry if that's a lot.

pulsar wren
#

It’s chill, some generally don’t wanna be listed or wanna be listed vaguely or haven’t clarified so I won’t list all 9 clearly: Samir, host - Adam, trauma holder - Prim/Primrose, protector, persecutor - Raine, protector, caretaker - Darcy, anxiety holder - Charlie, little - S - Eclipse - Cipher

tight flax
#

Also fellow sys

bleak bramble
#

hey!

#

same

pulsar wren
#

There’s a fair amount of systems here

tight flax
#

Yea

pulsar wren
tight flax
#

Yea

strange sable
tight flax
#

Also some just have to many

hollow orchid
strange sable
#

Heyyy

pulsar wren
hollow orchid
#

Yea

#

I believe we have over 20

tight flax
#

I thinki have 25????? Oh wait my desription 28?

heady hornet
tight flax
#

Dangggg

heady hornet
azure egret
#

we get overwhelmed with just the 7 of us holy moly

heady hornet
#

Don't worry- I cry everyday and complain to our therapist. We honestly just split really easily

weak basinBOT
#

GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 5!

heady hornet
#

I get overwhelmed just being myself lmao

heady hornet
#

I just ignore them. Our headspace is big enough to be alone in front

#

There's only 5 people at a time close to front

#

unless we panic

tight flax
#

Thats good

#

Ah

heady hornet
#

yeouch panic doesn't sound fun

#

Not at all

#

We cope by educating people about systems though

wind shellBOT
#

hi @Kai we have 11 alters if I am included but one is still distant and were worried about here. Haven't heard from her in a long time 😔

pulsar wren
wind shellBOT
#

We struggle with coping we just go about our day and people look at us like we're crazy when we have no idea how we are still surviving

heady hornet
pulsar wren
#

Fair

coral flint
tight flax
heady hornet
#

:D

#

when i was 15 i called myself we several times before i actually knew i did it? continued for like, years

#

We've always done it I think I can't remember so that's why it's so easy for us to now that we're more open. Accidentally said we in front of mom before but she didn't noticed

midnight drift
#

Throwing in my two cents:
I'm not overly comfortable sharing our headcount in this conversation but it's around what's clinically considered "average" ish.

For me personally there's often others co con/watching what I'm doing but I'm almost, if not, completely unaware of this most of the time. This means I don't switch much because my brain has found another way around it

#

Note:

Not everyone knows how many alters they have, who they are, their roles ect. It's perfectly fine and normal to not know.

Some may be hidden or some alters may know more than others and for those that know less it may be dangerous and/or destabilising for the system to go looking for that information

Where possible it's very very important for systems to seek specialist professional care

pulsar wren
#

I agree with Alex

#

We personally rely on other systems because the local medical personnel where we live have proved to very much not believe anything we say even down to the basics of our systemhood ( like our trauma ). Once we get to a point where we’re free ( socially, physically, and financially ) to find a trauma or dissociation/cdd specialist and be believed then we’ll have very nearly no reason to not see a professional

#

DID/OSDD is very much one of those things that is hard to unravel and fully understand by yourself

#

Even though we personally know ‘all’ of our alters ( I have zero idea if that’s all of them ) we still haven’t fully understood any of it beyond that. We just appear to know who’s in our system because I ( Samir ) have an inherent need to know everything ever and thus have compiled that info

midnight drift
#

I attempted to do that but unfortunately it just doesn't work for me and causes a lot of issues. I actually struggle severely with leaving things unknown and have had protectors and gatekeepers pull me out of front to avoid me realising stuff for YEARS

I'm told I have a very different view of my system as the host which is fairly normal (but totally fine if people experience something else). While I know a lot and have control over a lot; I'm also kept in the dark and have power stripped from me too

It's about trying to find a balance with the rest of the system. It's important that you don't forget that your system is an extension of your brain - it's not you Vs the system

#

(last part was directed at nobody in particular, just something I've learned)

pulsar wren
#

I know a lot which is something I don’t hear from a lot of other hosts

#

( I’m very much not our original host either, I don’t know who that was - I’m not privy to that info - but it wasn’t me )

digital abyss
#

Waves, system here

#

We dont share much about legistics of our system for safety but as a starter point we have Gail who is host (thats me!) and Chaos who is co host. Us two talk a lot in here.

heady hornet
# pulsar wren I’m in a weird position as both the current host and one of the highest authorit...

Same! I'm like the 4th or 5th host is what I was told. I'm the primary protector as well and host and on of the higher ups. I was created to handle a fair amount of trauma so I could protect our system but I also have worse amnesia than any other hosts have had. I can barely remember things from when our previous host was here because it was a lot of trauma and I just don't have that much memory but I can still have a lot of access to headspace and stuff like that

heady hornet
pulsar wren
bleak bramble
#

Then there’s us, our gatekeeper is new (past 3 years) and is still getting the handle on things so i’m convinced there might be more than our current.

#

Luckily someone explained to our mom a cover story of when we accidentally say “we” out loud, but apparently we’ve been doing it for years

pulsar wren
#

How do I get rid of Endo bullshit on my tumblr feed?

#

Also, Endos can’t decide if they’re meant to be disabled or not. “We don’t claim to have a disorder or anything, y’all made that up” Then stop showing up on my feed calling me ableist for the rightful position that people can’t have fucking had their identity disrupted by absolutely nothing!!! /nbh ( ( at ) nobody here )

wind shellBOT
#

You can fllter tags I forgot how but you if you look up “filter tags on tumblr*

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Also, Endos can’t decide if they’re disabled or not. “We don’t claim to have a disorder or anything,…

wind shellBOT
#

been too blurry to figure front out constantly but i didn’t realise how long we’d had this front active heh.

IMG_0242.png
heady hornet
#

We do that sometimes too lol but most of the time it's just me in front

azure egret
#

venting, read or not I don't really care

cw ||transphobia, dysphoria/dysmorphia||
do any of you deal ||dysphoria|| with the different genders? My father sees Sandy walking around taking care of our babies and says, "all I can see is a girl" I'm sick of having to display my toxic masculinity to get seen. I want to grow away from that, I hate being such a dick. When I was fronting most over the summer he said all he could see was a boy so jfc which one is it?? either way I'm asking because of that and because of how being an afab feels so wrong when I'm here (there are other guys and some enbys, but I'm the only guy guy if that makes sense) and Sandy feels so right as a woman. I don't like being touched, she wants a family. Others want a partner, I want to be left alone. Overall just, damn. idk. - Alex
(sorry three of us have nearly the same name, the others tried calling me James but that's not me y'know, Lexi felt the same way about them trying out Elle.)

wind shellBOT
#

We definitely have collective gender dysphoria and issues like that!
Especially when it’s a neu/masc alter in front

azure egret
#

It's good to know I'm not alone then in feeling this way, sorry you feel that way too though :/

wind shellBOT
#

the majority of us have something we feel is “wrong” with the body. for the masculine leaning alters, it is more often gender dysphoria…

height is a big one across the system, not just with masculine alters. clothes and makeup help, as well as different hairstyles occasionally.

i have more thoughts but i can’t word them correctly right now. might come back to this at some point.

#

We can cope - we own a binder and have other coping mechanisms - we could send here or dm if you wanted them.
Also on the waitlist for gender dysphoria clinic

Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) It's good to know I'm not alone then in feeling this way, sorry you feel that way too though :/

#

Forgot to @ - turned it off by default

Lex (pls @ ty :) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) It's good to know I'm not alone then in feeling this way, sorry you feel that way too though :/

#

We had height as a big one once, when Al was fronting.
He was 7’ and the body is 5’3

adam {he/xe} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) the majority of us have something we feel is “wrong” with the body. for the masculine leaning alters…

#

we don’t actually know our body’s height, or anybody’s heights specifically. occasionally feel weird when standing if an alter is in front who’s height differs significantly from the body.

azure egret
#

the height is definitely something that gets to me. Our body is this 5'1" skinny little girl, so it feels like whatever I do to get seen gets erased when one of the girls/fems come out. Not their fault at all how others see us but yeah, it'd be nice if I looked like myself. Shape shifting would be cool too

wind shellBOT
#

imogen wanted to figure our height out this morning actually. we aren’t sure how we’d do it though. (not looking for advice, we’ll google it when we want to. /nm)

adam {he/xe} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) we don’t actually know our body’s height, or anybody’s heights specifically. occasionally feel weird…

#

i know we are decently tall. we’re always called tall. which is helpful… and yet i, as a masculine presenting alter, feel smaller than the body. not as much as others, but still enough to notice.

wind shellBOT
#

tw body talk ||our host identity has a issue kinda like this where their boobs make them hate themselves so much it hurts and they keep saying i need these things gone to feel more like myself||

wind shellBOT
#

how do y’all like keep the same pfps and stuff

because literally it’s like every time someone who doesn’t always front fronts they make a new picrew (including me but excluding maybe 5 of us?) and then forget that they did that the next time they’re in front

#

i guess it’s kinda on topic of appearance and that

#

like there’s nothing wrong with changing it constantly but it’s literally like “oh before i talk to these people i gotta change my picrew” which brings me into front because i get triggered out when doing pk and sp shit for reasons and then they never actually get to talk /lh /neu

azure egret
# wind shell tw body talk ||our host identity has a issue kinda like this where their boobs m...

tw ||mention of T, sensory body talk||
||yeah, felt that 🥲 we have been trying to figure out how we all collectively feel to maybe start T and keep a semi feminine appearance for some, become masc enough for others, and not be too different for the littles (well, at least one of them) bc change is big ick since we're also autistic so that comes into the mix in ways too, it's headache inducing sometimes rip -Tyler||

wind shellBOT
#

i’m gonna rant for a second this might make no sense

ryn (host) is genderfluid so we feel more comfortable i guess being different in our presentations because we know people who don’t know about the system won’t question it as much. because if it’s not ryn in front we can just say we’re genderfluid and that works for the next time if it’s ryn in front that time

the issue is more about style because our preferences in clothes and really everything can be split into “likes colour a lot” and “doesn’t like colour at all” generally so for us it’s about having clothes for masc days that are colourful and neutral and clothes for fem days that are colourful and neutral. and then androgynous clothes are kinda a mix i guess. but we can hide behind the genderfluid thing for buying clothes too i guess

dysphoria (mainly chest)
||we mostly have chest dysphoria collectively and we don’t own a binder (working on getting one) but we normally choose a way to dress the night before and then deal with it and if it sucks then we’ll change what we’re wearing in the morning and hope it works for the rest of the day. we normally change how we sit depending on the alter/general gender vibes of front which helps with dysphoria but nothing really helps with the chest stuff which is why we want a binder||

like some of us are very feminine but they don’t care what the body looks like and don’t make a effort to make the body look like how they want it to look (unless it’s ryn on a fem day normally). but it’s a lot easier to make us look more fem than masc so we can just kinda exist and look fem

and then the masc ones are more comfortable with less makeup (not none generally i don’t think they care that much just as long as the makeup isn’t classically really feminine) and they choose clothes more carefully

then the neutral/androgynous ones and the ones who jump around (like me kinda) just do whatever

but that’s just my view of our experience i dunno

#

but like i think we’ve just kinda normalised being uncomfortable in the body and it doesn’t matter like. what we do someone is gonna be uncomfortable with it so nobody really cares that much

like we do complain about the body and about dysphoria but nobody cares enough to do anything about it (except getting a binder which i have no idea how that’ll work but)

#

nobody needs to reply to that and if you do then no hearts or hugs or those kind of emojis in the message or as a reaction thanks

wind shellBOT
#

ig the masks for our pfps prevent us bc we have to redo the whole pfp 😭😭

but our server avatars in different servers are wild

isabella {she/any} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how do y’all like keep the same pfps and stuff

because literally it’s like every time someone who …

#

In public like at school and stuff I'm most in front which is a whole other thing because we feel fake because other alters don't really front outside of our room unless we get heavy dissociation which has only happened twice

About the dysphoria only a handful of us get that and the rest don't really care because out of sight out on mind lol but we tend to keep to sweatpants and hoodies to deal with any dysphoria

#

Laziness

isabella {she/any} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) how do y’all like keep the same pfps and stuff

because literally it’s like every time someone who …

#

us asf 😭

🌿 . Jazz ╱ they⸝⸝ 🔮💜 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Laziness 📎

#

ok i’m thinking about it now and for some reason i’m linking it to ocd which might be true but might not be true and i’m just overthinking it

#

(there is a reason why. i’m not just saying it’s ocd for the sake of saying it’s ocd. i’m just not gonna say why publicly though because i don’t want to)

#

if it’s not that then it could just be that none of them feel right because there’s some of us who have had the same style of picrew for a longgggg time now and have only updated it a little bit

#

i don’t know it’s not a big deal or anything :/

azure egret
# wind shell i’m gonna rant for a second this might make no sense ryn (host) is genderfluid ...

I am 99% the same, the only difference is we do have a binder. But yeah I was literally just doing laundry and looking at things like "wow some of us would never wear this but this is my favorite shirt," growing up we never understood why some days 'I cared very much about appearance' but then would also wear the same hoodie and sweatpants other times and 'I couldn't be bothered with any of it,' some days it be very important to move certain ways then other days wouldn't even think of it.
we have soooo many things that none of us like from when Sandy was out the most and trying to blend into the "basic good behaved girl" crowd bc society is gross. Those clothes are a tad triggering if I'm honest lmao

limpid siren
#

Hey guys, so I'm sure you've seen me around in the server and I had a few questions and thoughts I need to work through. So for about maybe 1-2 years now i've struggled with the question of "am I a system" and I've always pushed away the thought with excuses of "well its just the OLP synesthesia" or "well any trauma that i may have been through wouldn't have been enough to cause this" or "I dont dissasociate or have memory loss". Ik for a fact i have this type of synesthesia that causes this but there are 6 people and they are the only people that exist in this way. I dont feel like they fit, and they were there long before I figured out about this synesthesia thing.

It feels like they are actually there with me, or kind of like im watching while they work but im always there if that makes sense. I feel fuzzy sometimes and i cant really explain that very well but anyway. Idk if im a system or if its real, sometimes I feel like im making it all up in my head. I've tried to bring it up with friends beforeand they kind of just laugh at me and say "haha what are you schizophrenic" and I dont hear them in my head (or maybe i do im not even sure, i thought it was just oh this is just me thinking) but like i've started writing stuff down and its a lot easier to like work through it that way. I just dont know, any thoughts are appreciated. (I just ask that you be gentle with me because i've been yelled at for even thinking about this in the past and it makes it really hard to talk about, but im sure you guys get that) blob_heart

azure egret
#

I can't say much about this bc this is still new to me (actually acknowledging it anyways) & I had to look up OLP synesthesia to try and understand that well enough, but everything you described is why I started questioning I'm a system too. I've always felt like more than one person lives in my head and have always had conversations with myself as more than one person not just to myself if that makes sense. The feeling fuzzy, lack of memory loss, hearing more like thoughts than voices, feeling like they're with you all of it was right there and clicked when I heard of OSDD. It made all of the feelings of being fake and crazy were wrong, it's not just me that felt this way. Again I'm probably not the best to speak on this since I started learning about all this not that long ago but yeah, I can at least say it sounds like you're in the right place to starting sorting the confusion out
(also why are people so mean about things like this, it feels impossible to talk about this stuff sometimes 😭 it was scary for us to reach out, so if it was for you too good on you for being brave /gen 💖) -Sandy/Tyler
a tad fuzzy/blurry rn actually haha 😅

limpid siren
#

Exactly, Thats exactly it, the conversations and the voices as thoughts and the fuzziness. I'm so glad someone gets it! I was really scared that I was just totally imaging this.

#

The fuzziness or like the blurry feeling like your just not quite clear enough is so confusing, I experience it so often especially if im stressed

azure egret
#

It really is, I'm always like "I have no clue who I am rn :)" when it's blurry. We often co front / are co conscious so sometimes it gets a little too overlappy to tell if that makes sense. and yeeesss stress and confrontation make so many feelings come out at once, I usually switch a lot when that happens

limpid siren
#

Yea I think co fronting would be the term I would use because its me and someone else like sarah or jess.

weak basinBOT
#

GG @limpid siren, you just advanced to level 13!

limpid siren
#

Also i feel like this is kind of in the name but I dont think i ever realized how much i didnt remember memory loss wise not with "alters" but with stuff when i was younger

#

Apparently i was ||bullied|| a ton in elementary just constantly, I dont remember any of it though

#

and there are specific things with my parents and food and everything else that like ik it happened because i've been told about it but i dont remember it

#

"Alter" wise ( i keep putting that in quotes because it feels strange to me yet) I dont lose memory if someone else is with me, I think if someone else is with me were co fronting and thats when i get really fuzzy and almost like im on autopilot mode

#

Wow this is a lot lol- that fuzzy feeling is definitley very present right now

ember vessel
#

some of us have more fuzziness and memory loss than others and talking about it normally makes things more fuzzy and dissociated

ember vessel
# limpid siren Wow this is a lot lol- that fuzzy feeling is definitley very present right now

i don’t have enough energy to reply to each thing and sorry if this makes no sense but i want you to know that you can ask as many questions here as you need and that it’s normal to be in denial about it. and that it’s ok to feel confused and overwhelmed by the whole thing. take your time with it and don’t force anything. it can be very scary and confusing discovering this stuff and thinking about it but if you are a system then the system was made to keep you safe. it’s ok to be scared of it though. /vgen

limpid siren
#

Your good, I posted a lot as i have been thinking about this all day. Thank you guys so much! blob_heart

wind shellBOT
#

that’s ok i understand the saying everything thing /gen

#

we were told host identity was ||bullied|| so bad boys said all us boys run away from you because your gross

Embers (limit @'s) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Apparently i was ||bullied|| a ton in elementary just constantly, I dont remember any of it though

hybrid skiff
# wind shell like there’s nothing wrong with changing it constantly but it’s literally like “...

I mean in response to the whole thing:

If its cause its an new alter or someone who isnt registered on pk then I mean it makes sense they make one. I know it sucks they don’t use it but they might use it one day.

or if its an existing alter who changes their pfp all the time, if it was me I’d stop them from doing it if I can. set a limit on how many times you can change your pfp within a month. shrugs.

however changing a pfp isnt that hard tho? isnt it just a simple command and then its done?

hybrid skiff
#

same*

#

too lazy to change it LMAO

limpid siren
#

My thoughts are racing and I think its going to help to talk about it, its me as embers well at least I feel like it should be. I just feel strange I dont feel like myself if that makes sense, like my scientific brain is kind of like "This doesnt make sense, its just you up here" but it just doesnt feel right. Like something is off, like its me but also its not me. I've always just pushed this off as anxiety or Im just tired but diving into all of it explains so much. Like it all makes sense yet im still just as confused yk. - Sarah and Embers (and maybe greg)

wind shellBOT
#

existing alters primarily, it’s not a big deal. the bigger issue is that isabella tends to not be able to get out of front after she’s been triggered into front from someone using a pk command, and she doesn’t enjoy being in front. (she didn’t state that part very clearly.) she was mildly annoyed over something that was mildly annoying her, that’s about it really. it isn’t a big deal. /nm /nav /lh

V!rus [He/They] [🥀] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) I mean in response to the whole thing:

If its cause its an new alter or someone who isnt registered…

#

she never really does anything to get herself out of front though.

#

ugh it doesn’t matter. it’s almost 3am i should be asleep and not thinking about this-

wet willow
#

today I discovered that the little really likes a song called 'your dad' by cheap dirty horse

#

she finds it funny and I put on one of the CDs of the band we have and she immediately was up front screaming the lyrics like wtf your like 7

hybrid skiff
#

Lol

pulsar wren
#

Y’all ever spend a week watching only my little pony and then wonder “Is this passive influence or..? Cause I don’t even like mlp that much” or just me?

wind shellBOT
#

i think i have had that with songs sometimes. but i dunno.

wet willow
#

yeah, idk it hasn't hugely happened before. like some of us like specific songs and it's a vibe so we have different playlists but like with gem it's the first time we've had triggering to front

#

we thought it was the other little but it was the first time gems fronted so we didn't recognise her

pulsar wren
#

Makes sense

wind shellBOT
#

Done that with food and videogames

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Y’all ever spend a week watching only my little pony and then wonder “Is this passive influence or..…

wind shellBOT
#

We are in that situation right now, like exactly 😭

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Y’all ever spend a week watching only my little pony and then wonder “Is this passive influence or..…

digital abyss
wind shellBOT
#

Computer: seizure or dissociation, quickest route, no freeways

#

computer! /ref

tight flax
#

Lol

wind shellBOT
#

welomed to our system 2 12 year old boys. Wow we went from 11 two 13 alters

pulsar wren
hybrid skiff
#

rephrase? 😭 I have no idea what you just said

pulsar wren
wind shellBOT
#

thank you for explaning it better then we could

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) They had 11 alters and then they split/discovered 2 more alters ( who are both 12 year old boys ) so…

pulsar wren
#

No problem. That’s kind of just how I process language, I guess

wind shellBOT
#

your good at it to

ArsonCrows [☀🪶] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) No problem. That’s kind of just how I process language, I guess

digital abyss
limpid siren
#

Okay so I think i figured this out well relatively as much as one can ig lol. So there is me (embers), and 3 others. They all have clear roles and im still getting used to the idea that someone else is there especially being when someone is this close up front. Its weird to not feel as much in control- it scares me a little. - Embers and Julian

#

Its weird having the different emotions between alters, or like opinions. Especially like regarding use of pk outside of being a system or without having a valid reason. Like as embers who went a long time without knowing about this and having OLP, if you have a valid reason for it it's okay but as Julian he is not okay with it at all

heady hornet
#

Literally started crying while showering and randomly I get thrown out of front and some random girl I've never met just gets us to a safe place (our room) and the emotion change was scary. I know I felt scared and then there was just calmness and annoyance lol but anyway yea the difference can be weird

wind shellBOT
#

it was a seizure 🤡

void — ?¿ ⋆ . (NO PINGS) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) never related more i fear

#

shit my bad, just saw the no pings

wind shellBOT
#

ur good its jst the highlight

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽Cerena☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) shit my bad, just saw the no pings

digital abyss
#

pk;rp blurru

faint solsticeBOT
#

❌ Could not find a member to reproxy the message with.

wind shellBOT
#

omg.

limpid siren
#

I made a new emoji lol

wind shellBOT
#

what does this mean? 1r_confused

Embers (limit @'s) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Welcomesystem

limpid siren
#

it was partially sarah's idea, for new alters who come into a DID/OSDD system so you can send it there

#

I had a friend who just found a new alter and it was just our way of welcoming them lol

wind shellBOT
#

awww that is so sweet. I love this emoji

hybrid skiff
#

Fair enough

wind shellBOT
#

Is it normal for systems to just not have flashbacks?

stable sapphire
#

I don't know but that's honestly an interesting question I wanna do research about. From what I know now I would have thought most if not all systems would have flashbacks but from meeting other systems and seeing how different every system is I could think about it but from my knowledge and systems I know I think they all have flashbacks

There's also you could have different flashbacks from the "normal" ones so you don't notice as much

I know my answer is indecisive and useless but I'd say they're more thoughts than answers

#

From small search it immediately said yes but that also basically supports endos, other half said no and that one was just talking about co-ocurring stuffs. Idk if that helps at all. Probably doesn't

Edit: Did more research and from what it says for trauma that forms DID it feels like they're saying you have to but I can't say I've done enough research to speak on this but I do wish you good luck

wind shellBOT
#

Thanks…
I mean we’ve definitely had a couple flashbacks but nothing much more than that really

stable sapphire
wind shellBOT
#

I mean considering we have pretty bad day to day amnesia, I’m not too surprised as we can’t remember much of what happened yesterday or even an hour ago 😅

ember vessel
#

\ time for everyone to be confused because i changed our pfp again. :)

wind shellBOT
#

including me who changed the pfp because i. am already getting confused and it’s been 5 minutes.

stable sapphire
weak basinBOT
#

GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 1!

wind shellBOT
#

Can timeloss feel like “oh I saw that ages ago” it was posted this morning

#

Just cause I’d describe that more as “time gain” because it feels so long ago

#

may you refrese this. We want to see if we can help but are struggling to understand what you mean. Thanks in advance and if you can't change it that's ok to. Someone will be able to help

#

Timeless for us is like wait why is this saying it's ages ago but yet it feels like it was just done for us

hybrid skiff
stable sapphire
#

Oh right don't think we shared experience. We get flashbacks at least once a week and sometimes like 2 or 3 times a day or just a couple days out of the week but that's since we've started therapy. Before therapy we didn't remember most trauma but we started to remember which is how we got into therapy then therapy made us remember more which in turn causes lots of flashbacks. Last one was on Sunday I believe

stable sapphire
stable sapphire
wind shellBOT
#

What do you guys do with this fuzzy feeling? After being really switchy all day, were just exhausted and it doesnt feel like anyone is here, like its not embers but its not anybody else. Anyway if you guys have an answer or a way to even just temporarily feel better that would be appreciated

bleak bramble
#

for me, it’s more a feeling of “we know people are fronting, but who knows who it is”. Most times, it’s sort of a whatever thing because we grey out between alters, so being fuzzy/blended isn’t terribly detrimental

faint solsticeBOT
#

❌ Could not find a recent message to reproxy.
Command usage:

pk;reproxy [link] <member>

bleak bramble
faint solsticeBOT
#

❌ This is not a message proxied by PluralKit.

bleak bramble
#

booooooo

wind shellBOT
#

yea recently we've been pretty clear while fronting but now we dont knwo who is here and it doesnt hurt or anything but it scares us to not fully know who we are

~Rocket~ ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) for me, it’s more a feeling of “we know people are fronting, but who knows who it is”. Most times, i…

stable sapphire
wind shellBOT
#

That actually sounds like a pretty good idea, /gen. It might help clear stuff up and if it is a new alter they will still be there in the morning

#

Yup! Haha

bleak bramble
#

i forgot to finish my thought 0-0. i either ignore it or sleep lol

wind shellBOT
#

If I could I would drag someone to front and make them stay because this body is the worst

#

Why do I always get frontstuck? Not always but often enough and I’m the only one in our system who’s gotten frontstuck. Dear god, this sucks

wind shellBOT
#

You're honestly so real for that-

Samir [ He/Disc/Pixel ] ☀🪶 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) If I could I would drag someone to front and make them stay because this body is the worst

#

We are learning how to try and find things that can help us not feel as fuzzy like written material that tells us what has been going on or friends and family who can catch us up to date. We also do things to calm our minds because being switchy is so scary for us

wind shellBOT
#

Anyone with shapeshifting alts/headmates
Is it ever confusing?
Like do you ever have a hard time telling if its them or someone new?

wind shellBOT
#

Gosh I looked and 11 alters near front and me and Ladonia keep switching who is full front. This is overwhelming

#

Well I'm back rapid switching going on

stable sapphire
hollow orchid
#

we're back 😭

wind shellBOT
#

It honestly feels so weird sometimes
She changes so much especially after something happens/events in general
It makes it difficult to tell if its just her or someone new, and its odd trying to figure it out too, just wanted to know if anyone else has this issue, hoping someone can relate somehow or something, and if they do and have ways they can tell maybe see if theres something we can try

vince ╱ connor [ 🎀🖤 ] ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Kinda ig. He shapeshifts into a dog. We know it's him because we have auras surrounding us and we al…

#

Oooh sorry about the reply

stable sapphire
weak basinBOT
#

GG @stable sapphire, you just advanced to level 2!

wind shellBOT
#

All good

⌈ Aldaine ⌋ ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Oooh sorry about the reply

weak basinBOT
#

GG @floral niche, you just advanced to level 2!

wind shellBOT
#

I'll see if I can try that, thanks

#

Hello, fellow beings

wind shellBOT
#

Hi

wind shellBOT
#

Our alter with the highest message count has almost 12,000 messages-

stable sapphire
#

oop-

#

we don't proxy lol

wind shellBOT
#

Wow that is a lot of messages

#

Looked my papa has the highest message count of 385

wind shellBOT
#

We have no idea- I assume it would be me though but there's 206 people that we would have to check cause we can't remember enough enough know who's been fronting

quiet burrow
#

Hi my name is DahliaFrogwave

wind shellBOT
#

Ours was 2k+ but then we decided to restart our pk

Ember - they/pup ||BIRDS ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Our alter with the highest message count has almost 12,000 messages-

wind shellBOT
#

You can check with pk;l -bmc!

🌿 . Jazz ╱ they⸝⸝ 🎀🖤 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) We have no idea- I assume it would be me though but there's 206 people that we would have to check c…

wind shellBOT
#

Yup it was me. Only 540 (541 now)

Ember - they/pup ||BIRDS ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) You can check with pk;l -bmc! 📎

#

We recently restated pk

#

Restarted*

wind shellBOT
#

Wdym by restarting your pk?

wind shellBOT
#

Deleted the system and had to re add every alter, description, displayname etc. We have around 209 alters to re add though but we've made a bit of process

Ember - they/pup ||BIRDS ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Wdym by restarting your pk?

quiet burrow
#

How do people make this discord accounts that change for systems?Frogwave

#

Newer to discord

pulsar wren
quiet burrow
#

Kit bot?

quiet burrow
pulsar wren
#

#🦋bot-channel

wind shellBOT
#

Are you a system? Cause if so there’s a role for it (:
(it’s the “we have alters” role)

FairyprincessDahlia ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) How do people make this discord accounts that change for systems?Frogwave

quiet burrow
#

This is the first time I've let them have names( because I told myself that we're real)

wind shellBOT
#

may I ask how the "took it away" you mean like it was changed and wait you wanted your stuff back so they said you don't have DID but you know you do. I am trying to understand what you said is all

heady hornet
#

uh so

#

im beginning to realise i might have a disassociative disorder

#

like my emotions are completely split

#

not into people, but it's still me

#

and the thoughts i have when im the Happy Me arent mine

#

they're in the back of my head, and im weirded out and disgusted by them

#

but when i get really upset

#

or soething changes

#

i am normally the happy me

#

but when something happens

#

it goes

#

bad

#

and suddenly those intrusive bad thoughts are at the front

#

and i am in the back instead

#

watching through my own eyes and experiencing it

#

but not able to control it unless something truly snaps me out of it

#

i get so upset im self destructive in an almost sadistic way in my words

#

and i cant be taken out of it.

#

until something specific 'snaps' me out of it

#

this bad one is like

#

sad angry

#

just Bad

#

it's like im split in two

#

Rage, anger, self destruction, persecution, depression

#

and fear, happiness, love, vulnerability, open-ness

#

fear is for some reason on the better side

#

i can be in that horrible angry upset sad state

#

and something will make an incredibly loud sound

#

or someone will say something drastic

#

and im back.

#

im scared

#

and crying different

#

but im back in control

#

sometimes after intense ones where i'm not snapped out of it and it's somewhat "resolved" i feel completely numb. nothing. neither of these.

#

is that disassociation?

#

i go completely numb sometimes in states and i kind of blankly stare and im physically unable to move

#

but i think thats different

heady hornet
heady hornet
#

this shit isnt just soooo impulsive that i cant no its intrustive and impulsive when im normal but i dont but when i switch its insane

#

like the moodswings are so intense i thought it miht be borderline personality disorder

#

but its not

#

it doesnt have a lot of the things

#

im not unstable

#

when im me i am stable

#

and i am here

#

and i am happy

#

but when i go bad i go bad and im at the back of my head

heady hornet
#

oh i spoke to it

#

it is things

#

it is two in one thing

#

It has been dubbed impulse

#

it is an ouroboros two in one type thing

#

i can like

#

its thoughts are not mine

#

they are loud and fonted

#

it says hi???????

#

it is calm when it has no upset to feed off of

#

its almost primordial in nature

wind shellBOT
#

yea, it be like that

astronaut (please ping) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) its almost primordial in nature

#

( note: im not new, i think, i'm Samir, probably )

quiet burrow
#

Those are also the same doctors fainting and pain are PTSD, I get a Minnesota doctor and turn I have POTS and it not all in my head

#

I tell them I have voices arguing in my head the act like different versions of myself, different from the voice people that hate me like my parents and church friends and they are like it's all PTSD

wind shellBOT
#

no offence but they sound like quacks

#

what do humans do?

#

( second message is separate from first message )

#

ignore previous question, I now have food - which is thing to do

quiet burrow
#

Is still ok to say that I have DID?

wind shellBOT
#

if you don’t have a diagnosis?

quiet burrow
wind shellBOT
#

yea, we don’t have one, our psych’s also a quack

#

something about not believing in DID or something like that

quiet burrow
weak basinBOT
#

GG @quiet burrow, you just advanced to level 6!

digital abyss
#

Were a very non-human heavy system and we have quite a bit of shapeshifters iirc

#

we do end up knowing who it is via energy and vibe tho -- esp since we dont have a fantastic headspace or communication to begin with. they also tell us its them

#

and nvm i guess we only have two shapeshifters

wind shellBOT
#

That is messed up

FairyprincessDahlia ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) The doctors were being transphobes

wind shellBOT
#

I think it's frustrating because again it's just difficult for us to tell
She doesn't necessarily speak and it's difficult to try and notice anything vibe wise, the issue lies most in the fact that we don't know her well enough to be able to point out many differences if any at all, and she's the only one that does this
She completely changes and it's tiring in a way, especially thinking it's someone new and it's not or its the wrong person
The only ones that has an easier time pointing it out are gatekeepers and they still have issues 🫠

heady hornet
#

i think i might have some OSDD-1 type thing

#

no amnesia but im definitely not in control

#

my memory gets foggy tho

heady hornet
#

I opened up a can of worms.

#

I switched last night, somehow.

#

I was observant, but I was not in control

#

The intruding thoughts that originally weren't mine cleared, and became the ones that were normal. My thoughts, in the back were the intruding ones.

heady hornet
#

My memory is slightly foggy of what I did and sent but it was not me

wind shellBOT
#

Amnesia doesn’t have to be full blackout amnesia, it can just be emotional amnesia, partial amnesia, dissociative amnesia etc.

astronaut (please ping) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) my memory gets foggy tho

#

Blackout amnesia is typically what most people think of when it comes to amnesia, but it isn’t the only sort

paper crater
#

\pls @ us if you reply by the way

wet willow
#

memory ded

quiet burrow
wind shellBOT
#

We get that! For us it's like seeing the body do stuff like 3rd person pov. We have gotten blackout amnesia in the past and it's literally just like you're in one place one second and the next you "wake up" somewhere else. Right now it's really bad amnesia and the person fronting will do something then immediately forget like the memory immediately leave and just being slightly confused after a switch and having only a small amount of memories unless the person fronting in that time is close or shares the memory

astronaut (please ping) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) My memory is slightly foggy of what I did and sent but it was not me

heady hornet
#

But im genuinely not in control.

#

My friends adjusted so fast, amazingly.

#

Cogito has a preference for one.

#

It's foggy trying to recal it but i clearly experienced it, yk?

#

According to others, I walk different, talk different, and my eyes change? I also clearly write different.

#

I have to stop using I

#

because it isn't me

#

hell, cogito is non human

weak basinBOT
#

GG @heady hornet, you just advanced to level 9!

limpid siren
heady hornet
#

right

#

Something actually hilarious happened.

#

So, I was tired of school and trying to will myself to switch to see if it would happen, because I know Cogito watches, and i know it can do things better than me.

#

After like half an hour i almost fell asleep, then, like, my FOV changed and i was in the back of the head watching.

#

My vision got clearer and wider i swear.

#

I could experience everything but I wasn't controlling it

#

After a long time I panicked in the back of my head because I was supposed to see my partner after school.

#

Lo' and behold, my one and only complete alter is AROACE, majorly.

#

So I'm panicking, and it leads Cogito to be panicked in front.

#

(Because somehow the communication is VERY clear???)

#

So my friends are listening to Cogito ramble

#

(Who happens to be a primordial being stuck in a teen boy's body, likely uncomfortable)

#

And eventually my friend Ben goes "Let me handle this" and pokes us in the forehead.

#

I feel emotions differently than Cogito.

#

So in the back I basically start CACKLING.

#

And it's so intense i quite literally switch back.

#

Laughing

#

Hard

#

and they all shouted "He's back!!!"

#

I was slightly disassociated for a little bit but i was back

#

Cogito consistanty complained about being in pain and sand in my shoe

#

oh well.

#

talk over

#

was actually insane tho

#

i dont understand how that worked

wind shellBOT
#

Same! Littles speak in a lighter baby voice, I speak calmly while Xia always sounds very angry and over text someone thought we were mad because we started speaking so differently but it was a different alter but it was so funny I laughed my way back into front-

Embers (No @'s) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) I definitely have noticed a difference in the way i talk when i switch, both over text and voice. Al…

#

That's happened to me before actually lol

astronaut (please ping) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) And it's so intense i quite literally switch back.

heady hornet
#

okay thank god. i need to know im not faking

#

like look at this change

#

sometimes, after a long day of peopleing, you need a cup of frosted flakes

strange sable
#

Uh. Kinda feel empty. I know I switched but our headspace is confused.

heady hornet
#

Is there a specific place i can set up pluralkit in?

wind shellBOT
#

Yes, you can go to the #🦋bot-channel

wind shellBOT
#

Gosh it feels weird to be switchy but not know who you are yet also feel like you know who you are. I hate this feeling. Its like a unknown state yet a I know who I am state

#

Okay, so, I think I’m 100% Samir now, I’m front, that is current status

#

Were struggling with being front but not having the mental energy to be front, ladonia being co front, Denmark, Sweden, Sealand, Iceland, Finland and host being co con and unknown being in observation and Astrid has been gone and stuck in observation for a long time

#

Sounds complicated

#

Yeah it is complicated sigh 😕

wind shellBOT
#

We just chilling and hoping for everything to fix itself honestly

wind shellBOT
#

I am concerned.

#

I am struggling with my identity. I do not know if i want to be seperte from the host. Mentally I am ageless, and mature, but I wish for his partner to treat me like him. I do not like this. I have never felt this emotion. I feel like crying.

#

Low key? Tell the partner fr and then everything'll def work out

#

I don't understand how he could love me. I am not Oliver. He treats me different.

#

I am crying now. I do not like this. Why does it feel like this.

#

advice from someone who has the same situation and goes threw it ok. The thing with us is we and all the alters that are adults went up to our host husband and told him about our system then we asked him would he love us like his wife because we love you and told him why. He said I don't understand you guys but I can try. Then after he got to know all of us over the course of our fronts he now loves us all the same. We just leave the intamint stuff for our host identity and him. But if you guys want to do that to that is up to you guys and sorry for that sounding tmi at the end

#

Right.

#

I am just very upset and emotional. I am new to... awareness, of sorts? I have always been here, it's just that neither me or my host were fully aware until a few days ago. This is my 3rd long switch in the last 24 hours. I am not used to this.

#

I am not sure if I like existing. Some of the hosts friends I favour more. But the partner I am most definitely feeling for. Oliver has nothing wrong with it, but I do. We are simultaneously the same but different? I am a split version of him that happens to be different a=in maturity and behavior but I am still him. This is so strange. I want to be seperate but I don't.

#

Struggles with wanting to be yourself but not be yourself hu

#

Existing can be scary just give yourself time to work things out slowly. Taking it yourself fast can be bad

#

-# thank you

#

-# getting words from people with alike things helps a lot

#

You are so welcome and remember your not alone

wind shellBOT
#

thank you.

heady hornet
#

Actually, i will stop using the proxy for now.

#

I cannot tell who is in front

#

both of us?

#

lord

#

is this just the disassociation

#

We aint fully resrorted

wind shellBOT
#

Your so welcome and its ok you will get the hang of it one day. For us when many are in front we struggle but try ouir best to proxy switch though keep in mind its not easy and can be confusing so not all may do it

pulsar wren
#

we call that blurriness, we're blurry right now, no idea who's front

heady hornet
wind shellBOT
#

we have a proxy for it, it's this one ^

heady hornet
#

Took a lil while and some happy trigger objects but im back

heady hornet
pulsar wren
#

or we just don't use a proxy at all

#

the proxy is for servers where host's name is our displayname

#

mostly

wind shellBOT
#

This is our proxy for not knowing who we are

pulsar wren
#

i like the pfp

wind shellBOT
#

Thanks it feels mysterious as a unknown alter state

#

We have a collection of proxies for when things are confusing but this is what they look like

#

They're all set up in the same way with the same pfp to make it less confusing

#

we use this

wind shellBOT
#

we also have this one

pulsar wren
#

wait, no

#

actually, yea, that one

#

we forgot about it and don't use it

pulsar wren
wind shellBOT
#

Ours.

#

This is our unknown proxy!

wind shellBOT
#

we have.. 5 different ones? i think?

#

wait. lemme check-

#

kinda 6. we have….
anonymous, bros (multiple in front), front (multiple in front), blendy, blurry and mess (complete chaos and we’re flip flopping too much to figure it out-)..

there’s 2 multiple in front because there’s been times where two or more alters will blend more so they get one of the proxies and everyone (sometimes including them and sometimes not) gets the other one. :)

we also had more but nobody used them so they got deleted and if we wanna use them now then we just use anonymous because like. similar enough.

#

i’m not showing them because i can’t be bothered. /lh

#

Hm. That was one of our fastest switches.

#

Completely mutual agreement and boom, here I am world!

#

Ya need to set up a system tag I think /info

#

Do I? There's only me and the host.

#

as far as i know it’s not in the rules but i would encourage you to have a system tag anyways. makes things easier for communication and moderating and stuff. even if there’s only 2 (known) alters you can still have one. :)

Cogito ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Do I? There's only me and the host.

#

What does it do?

limpid siren
#

I was going to ask, what is a system tag? /genq

wind shellBOT
#

if you have the system tag on the proxy and on your base account it makes it a lot easier for people to know that your proxy belongs to your base account.

for us we have the 🫧💫 at the end of our proxies and start of our base account.

it also helps with moderating because all i gotta do to warn someone are look someone up is see the system tag and then search that in the members. i don’t need to do extra steps. (not saying you’re going to be warned or anything at any point. just an example. /gen)

/info

ember vessel
#

\ base for. example.

wind shellBOT
#

I will set that up. Thank you!

#

there’s a command where you can just set a system tag so you don’t need to go through and individually add it to every proxy you have. i can’t remember it though-

limpid siren
#

test

wind shellBOT
#

test

limpid siren
#

oh that's cool!

#

I think that's what a system tag is

wind shellBOT
#

yee! :)

limpid siren
#

it's pk;system tag <tag>

wind shellBOT
#

yeah that makes sense- i haven’t done it since we decided on the tag so like- many months.

#

that’s a surprisingly easy command-

#

here?

heady hornet
#

Lol

wind shellBOT
#

why can’t the adding command thing be that easy-

ryn {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) that’s a surprisingly easy command-

wind shellBOT
#

We have different hand writing, I believe that's cool. The host can change his. I find I continuously say "our" or "we", while he is a lot more individual.

IMG_20250114_091548.jpg
#

Im fine with it this way, though.

#

I'm a lot more confident in math, and staying focused. Like he is more ADHD and I'm a lot more autistic presenting.

#

Interesting. I'm finding myself to be more human by the day, as I discover myself.

digital abyss
# limpid siren I definitely have noticed a difference in the way i talk when i switch, both ove...

It is 100% noticeable for us from what our friends and family have told us. Sirius and Cay have very deep, Spanish-dialectal accents. Siri has a more hunched poster and a resting bitch face. Chaos has very different handwriting from me, Gail (host), as it is extremely jagged. Some of us write exclusively in cursive. Some of us speak Spanish and sign while others don't know a lick of either language. We all have very different music tastes, as well as some of us like food others don't. Some of us have differing political opinions. Some of us are religious while others are atheist. Some of us are better in subjects while others are not. 41 is a very calm and passive driver while Chaos is reckless and aggressive (he is on the no driving list 🙄) Some of us are dating @hybrid skiff while others are repulsed by romanticism and just see them as a friend. Mendax is scared of balloons meanwhile Demitri can stare down the face of a cliff unphased.

It's fucking wild how different you can be as a system. That's the message.

azure egret
#

what happens if I don't know who I am, but it's not blurry?

hybrid skiff
hybrid skiff
azure egret
hybrid skiff
#

Thats for you to figure out unfortunately

#

Wish I could help but I wish you luck

azure egret
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okay, thank you

wind shellBOT
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Ah right, I thought it was a required here, I’m used to that sorry lol

ryn {ask prns} 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) as far as i know it’s not in the rules but i would encourage you to have a system tag anyways. makes… 📎

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no you’re good! /gen

Jax || She/They 🪽🧮 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Ah right, I thought it was a required here, I’m used to that sorry lol 📎

hybrid skiff
wind shellBOT
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We see lots use them so I think your right

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Agreed

digital abyss
wind shellBOT
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We love ours Warrior clan because clan are family and were a big family

bleak bramble
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idk how to add a system tag 😳

wind shellBOT
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Sigh a girlfriend of my friend read her boyfriends dm's and we feel like our privet stuff we talked about with her boyfriend got leaked and we barely know his girlfriend. We feel invaded 😔

limpid siren
heady hornet
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there is a problem.

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i thought an alter of mine was fractured.

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half formed

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it's this