DID/OSDD-1 System Chat

[sturdy cape]

Dissociation is a spectrum after all

[midnight drift]

Symptoms are fluid and fluctuate over time. The brain will do what it needs to survive and that requires adapting

[midnight drift]

Yep absolutely

[sturdy cape]

Similar to how like

There is SOME truth to the saying "everyone has parts" but not in the way that most people interpret that saying

[midnight drift]

Mm it's very misleading for sure

[sturdy cape]

Yeah... like obviously everyone has parts and other facets of their personality

People like us just experience it on a whole other level 😂

[midnight drift]

Hah you sure do!

It's interesting I've done a lot of studying on it

[sturdy cape]

Tbh we've gone through periods where all we will do is study medical journals and medical blogs about this stuff

[midnight drift]

Haha that's fair it can be really validating

[sturdy cape]

It is!

It helps when you need to talk to a clinician because they'll better understand if you regurgitate medical journals instead of just going "sometimes i Uhhuuhuuu wehhhhh"

[midnight drift]

Haha truee it can't be hard to describe

[sturdy cape]

Goes to the doctor

shows the UEE 😭 🥺 💧 Eu 💧 💧 E E 😭

copypasta

They do not understand

smh

[midnight drift]

Mooood haha

[sturdy cape]

I think that fits for anyone dealing with stuff tbh It can be sooo hard to put your experiences into words its like

why can't the doctor just read my mind? Smh

[fading path]

idk if im new. i think im new. but idk if i am or not. cuz im looking at the profile of an alter who i think i am and i kinda relate- but idk anything about them because they haven't actually texted before and i dont remember what their hypothetical personality is- but we listen to the same music and i also just picked 2 names that start with L and they also have 2 names that start with L and i think im not making sense rn but im not just gonna delete this entire message that i wrote out- xd

[timber gull]

but also idk what pronouns i want and they have pronouns on their profile and idk how i feel about the pronouns in question-

oh

i forgot i text proxied that-

[fading path]

maybe i should've written this in spam-

oh well

[sturdy cape]

being blurry is the worst

[timber gull]

i've come to the conclusion that i am me- probably-
running to pronoun adventures now (maybe)

[timber gull]

Besides Simply Plural, does anyone know any good logging places for systems?

[coral flint]

All I know is simply plural and pluralkit but I can try to find more cause now I’m interested lol

[timber gull]

Alright! We don’t have time right now, so if you find anything let us know 🙂

[coral flint]

Ok!!

[maiden robin]

not really

[sturdy cape]

it's kind of bad but we never figured out simply plural 😅

[timber gull]

wdym?

[sturdy cape]

like the apps interface

it was too confusing and we could never get it to work in our favor

that's just an us thing tho

[timber gull]

We don’t use half of it, just the member page to switch who is fronting, we can’t get the hang of everything else

[midnight drift]

ICD-11 code 6B65
https://icd.who.int/browse/2024-01/mms/en#988400777

[maiden robin]

ok

[sturdy cape]

yeah it was also just really difficult to keep up the who is fronting page because most of the time we'd just straight up forget since we are usually too busy doing our jobs as members in the system

oh my

[timber gull]

yeah

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) yeah it was also just really difficult to keep up the who is fronting page because most of the time …

sorry, tics

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) oh my

[sturdy cape]

ur gooddddd

dont worry c:

[timber gull]

might close discord for a bit if they continue

[sturdy cape]

but like!! if other systems can use simply plural and it helps them, then that is awesome!

[timber gull]

yeah

[sturdy cape]

its just kinda hard for us :c

[timber gull]

Often when we get a new member, Leon (gatekeeper) controls our hands as he knows his way round SP and they enter the new alter’s info as the alter is thinking of it

[sturdy cape]

oohh that's neat!

our gatekeeper is pretty technology illiterate 😂

[timber gull]

Yeah, they helped me last week - I am an introject from the 70s, so don’t know technology too well haha

[sturdy cape]

oh man that sounds tough but also interesting

are you adjusting well?

or well enough, i should ask

[timber gull]

Yeah, I miss the 70s, but at least I don’t transform into a werewolf anymore 😂

./ref

[sturdy cape]

omfg that must feel like such a relief

[timber gull]

Yeah, but our body still has shit hips and knees, I only had to put up with one bad hip.

[sturdy cape]

oof maaannn

that blows

[timber gull]

Yeah, and we don’t have a cane or anything, but it’s fine, we cope

[sturdy cape]

we coping, we coping 😔

[timber gull]

yeah

[sturdy cape]

get that totally though

like i am an guy who doesn't have any chronic pain or any physical ailments but then i front in the body and its like

Oof i feel so old because of the pain

[timber gull]

Yeah, we’re bodily 16 and experience stuff that starts at an average age of 45…

[sturdy cape]

unfortunately that only gets worse

proof: we're 26 nearly 27 and our body pain was at a high at 16 but its still soooo bad

but its okay i think.

there are worse things, is what we tell ourselves. it works for us

[midnight drift]

Complex trauma tends to be an early trigger for genetic or degenerative conditions such as chronic pain, EDS, ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, tic disorders, arthritis and a whole host of other issues

[sturdy cape]

yep exactly ^^^^

[midnight drift]

Hence why most systems are in some way physically disabled

even "simple" trauma can cause this

[timber gull]

Yeah, our body is just slowly getting worse, we have had ||tic attacks|| every day for the past week and are starting to experience weak legs occasionally 😦

[sturdy cape]

other things like sickness (c*vid, for example) can trigger conditions that would normally lay dormant

[timber gull]

Is here a reason why?

Alex [Bug] - @ping me! ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Complex trauma tends to be an early trigger for genetic or degenerative conditions such as chronic p…

[sturdy cape]

the brain does a thing

and too many chemicals released can damage ur body

[midnight drift]

The simple explaination is the body is not supposed to be in a trigger response for extended periods of time. It simply cannot handle it

We are not built for prolonged stress

[sturdy cape]

mhhmm

[timber gull]

And so the body adapts in the best way it can, by not fusing the parts by age 10, but results in other issues as well.

[sturdy cape]

the body does what it does to survive situations that our brains deem too traumatic for us

it's a blessing and a curse

[timber gull]

We always feel like we can’t be a system because our trauma started at age 6/7, but it went on for 10 years from then, so I’d say it may be a possibility, and from what we are experiencing it is, but it doesn’t help us.

[midnight drift]

Well yeah and no. The brain adapts how it needs to and that causes trauma disorders in some cases

Trauma disorders, even if the trauma has ended, continue that stress response. It's an attempt to keep you safe but in turn your body essentially starts to fail a lot faster than it normally would

[timber gull]

Yeah

Alright

[sturdy cape]

if you want my opinion

wait let me ask you a question

[timber gull]

Yeah

[sturdy cape]

are you neurodivergent? adhd, autistic, or some other kind of neurological condition that develops win the womb?

[timber gull]

Possibly autistic, some of us think adhd as well, but most likely autistic

[sturdy cape]

okay so

while it may be scientific facts agreed upon by most practitioners worth their sault that a child's mind is unable to integrate due to repetitive traumatic experiences if endured before the ages of 7-9

but those studies don't actually include the way neurodivergent people mature and develop emotionally and mentally

[timber gull]

Yeah

(Just remembered we also have no memories at all from before 7, so we may have experienced something but wouldn’t know)

[sturdy cape]

so what i''m basically trying to say is that, its not a matter of how late it staarted, if it started when you were young but that doesn't mean its impossible for your brain to react in such a way that is not considered typical, even by neurotypical standards

[midnight drift]

Mind if I interject? My dissertation was on ASD and childhood trauma so I may have some insight on that

[sturdy cape]

if you would like c: i'm only going off my own personal experiences so my explanations might be more... emotionally charged

[sturdy cape]

also this is such a big mood omg

[maiden robin]

yea its not p-did

[sturdy cape]

(also i did not study psychology in school but i am a patient of this field so my experiences may be more personal so shdsdhkgs)

[midnight drift]

It's actually pretty well accepted amongst modern researchers that ALL neurodivergent people experience trauma differently. but especially developmental disorders (ADHD, ASD ect stuff you're born with)

The way ND children (and people) experience events may mean that they see something as traumatic when the rest of society does not. moreover they are likely to experience these different types of trauma compared to NT people

SO yeah basically you're right. You may have experienced trauma related to being autistc that the rest of society sees as normal stress but you processed as deeply threatening

Just highlighting the main takeaway if the rest is confusing

[sturdy cape]

yeah !! :0

i think i knew it was well accepted amongst modern researchers

but there are still some people out there that are like :/

[midnight drift]

and YET it's not in the ICD or DSM (which was a large part in my dissertation haha)

[timber gull]

Yeah.
I remembered something from either just before stuff started or just after, and we reacted awfully strongly to being told off, which says to me we maybe experienced stuff before we can remember as well.

[sturdy cape]

omg whaaaat??? that is bonkers

so they'll accept P-DID into the ICD but not that... i suppose it is a step forward but also seems a little backwards at the same time

[sturdy cape]

most systems i've met actually go through system discovery only knowing like... a very small fraction of the things they experienced

it happened to us 😂

[midnight drift]

something that helps a lot of people is as follows:

play devils advocate for a second, maybe you ARE wrong and you're not a system. That does not make you a faker and it certainly does not invalidate your symptoms. You're not faking you were just misguided

[timber gull]

Yeah

[midnight drift]

sigh I have many gripes with how my field functions.

[sturdy cape]

i could have never said it as eloquently as that

but that's my sentiment as well

something something... it's okay to be wrong about your diagnosis in the end... especially because ur still in your teens

[timber gull]

mhmm

[sturdy cape]

the brain is still going through developmental stuff, and hormones are a wiild and stupid thing but that does not make the things you go through any less valid

or that it should be like "oh its just teens being teens lol"

[midnight drift]

heheh that's what I went to college for :p

[sturdy cape]

thats what makes me mad the most im like, okay even if its just a natural things teens go through, or a person goes through at a period in their life, we should still care for them and assist them in any way we can to mitigate the negative effects

[timber gull]

Yeah

[sturdy cape]

based. i went to school for computer science so

anyway

[timber gull]

We’re gonna do astrophysics or maths

[sturdy cape]

im sorry that that went on for so long, i just get really sad when systems question their identity as a system because they think, or people have told them, that their trauma wasn't bad enough or that it started too late or w/e

[midnight drift]

psych, soci, photog, & an epq on ASD & PTSD
What's my dream job?
drum roll
assistance dog trainer!

.....Yeah I don't get it either./lh

[sturdy cape]

something i've always said is that trauma is subjective to the person

[timber gull]

That’s fine!

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) im sorry that that went on for so long, i just get really sad when systems question their identity a…

[sturdy cape]

what may be something easily brushed off to one person could be literally world shattering to anohter

[midnight drift]

permission to info dump on that?/lh

[sturdy cape]

but just because the first person went through it and was fine doesn't mean we shouldn't listen and help the one who's world was shattered

omg yes please info dump

i love when people info dump about their fields of study or interests or just random stuff in general

[timber gull]

Same

[sturdy cape]

only time i'll really be like "no pls no info dumping" is if i'm tired and won't be able to listen and stay attentive for as long as the info dumper deserves tbh

[timber gull]

Some of us are of the opinion our trauma wasn’t enough, some that is was but happened too late, and some that it is enough and happened at the right time, it depends on our role in the system.

I am of the second opinion, but changing to the third slowly.

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) but just because the first person went through it and was fine doesn't mean we shouldn't listen and …

[sturdy cape]

all i ask is that you be kind to yourself regardless of your opinion

[timber gull]

yep 🙂

[sturdy cape]

try to be kind but its okay if you falter at times

[midnight drift]

okok bare with I'm a tad scattered today haha

[sturdy cape]

we all trip in life but we always get up

and its just better when you have people who will help you get back up

take ur time alex(i think that is ur name)!!

[timber gull]

I just finished Jekyll and Hyde and am gonna rewatch it immediately /ot

[sturdy cape]

i haven't watched a movie since... oh gosh

since apriil, if i think about it

movie/tv

[timber gull]

it’s a play not a movie…

haha

[sturdy cape]

ngl i wasn't aware they made the jekyll and hyde story into a play

ive read the book and thats it

[timber gull]

It’s been a play since 2001 at least

[midnight drift]

BUT basically that's a system thing! It's extremely uncommon to not have denial in some way or another about being a system.

It keeps you safe. Being in denial is what keeps the system hidden (and thereby, functional) and keeps the host from remembering (In whatever capacity that may be)

[timber gull]

haha what host /hj

[midnight drift]

I'd like to elaborate more but I got triggered and can't remember what I was saying/lh/nav

Feel free to ping me later if you have questions!/g

[timber gull]

Alright that’s fine

If you remember, feel free to send it and @paper crater

[sturdy cape]

specifically i think they mean the host or the one that presents to the outside world the most

[timber gull]

Yeah, I know, we don’t have someone like that at the moment

[sturdy cape]

as systems go through discovery, the roles of alters can get scrambled as the system tries to re-orient in the world

[timber gull]

That has certainly happened to us - lots of splitting and fusing and alters vanishing and reappearing and ahhhhh

[sturdy cape]

also roles are not as concrete as some believe them to be

[timber gull]

it’s settled down, but the only clear roles are those such as protector, caretaker and little

Remus 🎶🧮 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) That has certainly happened to us - lots of splitting and fusing and alters vanishing and reappearin…

[sturdy cape]

the roles laid out are more like, a template

[midnight drift]

systems are built around the idea of, in some capacity, not knowing. when you know your brain has to figure out how to function all over again

[sturdy cape]

of what they possibly could be

[timber gull]

Yeah.

Alex [Bug] - @ping me! ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) systems are built around the idea of, in some capacity, not knowing. when you know your brain has to…

[sturdy cape]

systems are formed in order to protect the like

i dont wanna say original person because there is no such thing as an og (or at least we believe personally) but like

systems are formed in order to protect the child from acknowleding the trauma that their brain basically has deemed unsurvivable

[timber gull]

We have a little from when we were 7, but that’s the closest thing to an “og” and I think she may have been the part as a child that looks for love from parents iykwim

[sturdy cape]

i was telling my mom earlier about stuff like this (not DID related, but PTSD and trauma related) and we were like

[timber gull]

Yep, but we survived and half-escaped in January. /pos

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) systems are formed in order to protect the child from acknowleding the trauma that their brain basic…

[sturdy cape]

your brain isn't going to care what kind of situation it is, if your brain has come to the conclusion that it is severe enough, it will do literally everything it can to ensure that your body doesn't die and that YOU dont die

[midnight drift]

replying to this cuz I need to go afk but I wanna comment on it in a couple mins

[sturdy cape]

if it believes it is in danger and is frightened enough, it will do its job

ah im just like

im glad that you survived and have manged to half-escape

that is really wonderful

[timber gull]

Yeah. We probably won’t be able to escape fully because some of us need our mum to survive, so…

But we don’t live with her

[sturdy cape]

that is honestly fair, in addition to the fact that you are still young and (i assume) legally considered a minor in your country

[timber gull]

Yep. But we live with our dad now full time instead of half time

[sturdy cape]

its hard to separate but i believe you can do it :)

is your dad pleasant to be around?

[timber gull]

Reasonably. We don’t feel comfortable talking to him about health issues. But that’s the only issue

[sturdy cape]

and let me know if i ask too many questions or seem like i'm prying too much sometimes i dont know when to stop

[sturdy cape]

tbh that is kinda normal to not feel comfortable talking about health issues with your parents, especially if you have a good relationship with them

[midnight drift]

You're correct! there is no "original" BUT depending on how that individual system functions they may very well experience the host as an "original"

The conciousness with an idenitity disorder is akin to a broken plate. There is no original as it is one brain that has parts that work separately.

The general basis for having DID/OSDD-1/PDID is having alters (alternate states of identity). That allows for so much variation in how symptoms can present from case to case

[sturdy cape]

or like, amicable relationship i should say

[midnight drift]

(sorry ik I'm getting a little medical but you can't expect me not to/lh)

[sturdy cape]

for sure tho!!

some systems do also like to use the term original and that is okay, if it works for them and helps them navigate their life as a system, we shouldn't tell them "no >:C"

but other systems may not be comfortable because the concept of an original or core makes non-plural people illegitimize their existence or believe they are lesser than the "original/core"

[midnight drift]

for sure! for example some hosts are more comfortable with calling the rest of the system "my alters" (claiming them as their own rather than separate people). but others find that deeply offensive

You are allowed to process YOUR disorder how YOU feel is best. so long as you're not harming anyone with it (yes including telling someone else how to feel about their disorder) then it's fine!

[sturdy cape]

its very similar to the way how some LGBT+ people want to use the word ||queer|| to identify themselves but some also dont like that word, so people's comfort levels should be taken into account and respected

[coral flint]

The only reason I find this funny is the concept of someone going “you’re not the original, you should let the permanently dissociated 10 year old do everything” cause that’s who acts as our “core”

[sturdy cape]

omg right???

[coral flint]

Like bud she doesn’t speak to people she doesn’t trust that would be very hard

[sturdy cape]

Like uhhhhh yeah let me just get the 4 year old that experienced stuff so traumatizing they couldn't bear to remember it

[timber gull]

We were literally told that only [little name/legal name] could make decisions for our body…

Raven sys (||BIRDS) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) The only reason I find this funny is the concept of someone going “you’re not the original, you shou…

[sturdy cape]

the one who is so terrified and scared of the world was around more at the beginning but we've formed and developed to help assist that kid, but yknow

[coral flint]

..damn that’s really shitty

[sturdy cape]

the child should make all the decisions because they were there "first"

[coral flint]

Hmmm she doesn’t care?? She’d rather we make the hard decisions lmao

[sturdy cape]

Like okay. i may have not been like, present and oriented in the earlier years but like bro i was technically there because i LIVE IN THE SAME BRAIN

[midnight drift]

stepping out of the convo as I have nothing else to add but if anyone wants my medical input feel free to ping me/lh

[sturdy cape]

oh gosh oh no i was being sarcastic, sorry

[coral flint]

Oh no ik lol sorry

[sturdy cape]

your contributions have been lovely you are always welcome to talk and stuff

[coral flint]

I’m just half ranting cause I’m thinking about it

[midnight drift]

I know but I have nothing to add without the life experience you guys have had/lh

[sturdy cape]

that actually so valid, @coral flint

[coral flint]

Yayy

Gtg sleep

[sturdy cape]

i get it alex dw 😌

[midnight drift]

gestures at the missing "alters" role in my profile/lh

[sturdy cape]

try to get some sleep! and feel better <3

[coral flint]

Tyy

[sturdy cape]

actually ngl the fact that you don't have alters or a system but are still like, knowledgeable and willing to learn and adapt with us, is really um

whats the word

i think it's heart warming? because non-plural folk are trying to help learn and adapt with us, it is a relatively new development

[weak basin]

GG @sturdy cape, you just advanced to level 13!

[timber gull]

It was about trans stuff as well…

Raven sys (||BIRDS) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) ..damn that’s really shitty

Like ofc she’s gonna be cis

She’s 7

[sturdy cape]

children shouldn't have to worry or care about gender or pronouns or any of that stuff :/

[timber gull]

Yeah

[sturdy cape]

they're freakin kids man

[timber gull]

Ryder is our only exception xy is 10, but oh well

[sturdy cape]

all they should be worried about is when are they gonna play next, or do something they enjoy

that's why i said shouldn't instead of can't

[timber gull]

Yup

[sturdy cape]

because kids can be very knowledgeable about gender and stuff like that and can make their own decisions on their body

but it should not be forced or imposed on them

it should be their choice

[timber gull]

Yeah

[sturdy cape]

man i am very

passionate this morning im so sorry

pretty sure the thing with my brother right now is making me super concerned about patient advocacy and safety and just like

making sure i tell people to be kind to other people but also themselves

i am literaly an anime protag sometimes

complete with the "no... my friends are my power!"

[timber gull]

Haha

It’s fine

[sturdy cape]

also

there is a image from a few years ago (like pre-2017) where its a group of people holding milk in their hands, which are all clasped together to create a bowl to contain the milk.

i know that sounds weird but hear me out

it started out as a meme image being like "this is what anime protags mean when they talk about their friends in the final battle"

but i think about it sometimes and im like.. wauw... that is literally what its like to be a system

our connections within the brain, our social, emotional and physical connections literally keep the mind together

[timber gull]

Yeah

That’s an interesting analogy

[sturdy cape]

i tend to think in analogies a lot

metaphors and analogies... it is my curse

/pos

[timber gull]

We like metaphors and similes, but as soon as it’s in text, they go right over our head

[sturdy cape]

honestly fair!!

whats that one gif from spongebob where

patrick is like

"the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma"

and hes just thinking of milk spilling

[timber gull]

Ha

[sturdy cape]

that is what its like for us

[timber gull]

Why am I fronting for our Computing GCSE 😭

I know I’m smart

But I don’t know computers

[sturdy cape]

oh nooo

[timber gull]

It’s finee

I’m sure someone else will appear

[sturdy cape]

[timber gull]

Haha

[sturdy cape]

well i should probably like

get up and do human things

its storming pretty bad outside right now so my human activities are limited

(we're safe and not in a threat because of the weather, its just raining soooo much and so hard)

[timber gull]

Love forcing Remus to spit out the gum he was chewing because it’s not allowed in school

[civic iron]

We learned our favorite vocaloid artist has DID and omg that makes so much sense with their songs (we are 4 years late on learning this)

[sturdy cape]

i never understood why gum was never allowed in school. since it was the same for us

[sturdy cape]

which one??? :O

[civic iron]

Ghost and pals :)

[sturdy cape]

... yknow what

that does make sense.

[civic iron]

Ikr?!

They scrubbed their original tweet off the internet but I still found the traces and at the end they said "Well we know who the pals are now"

Aparently uncanny is about their experience with DID after being diagnosed and looking at the lyrics yeah that checks out

[sturdy cape]

that is somewhat what happened to me but it wasn't lyrics we wrote but

pre-dx we were obsessed with the songs echo and again by crusher-p because it was like

wow this is like my heart and soul in a song!

4 years later (slapped with dx) thanks...

[timber gull]

Probably because irresponsible people slap it everywhere

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) i never understood why gum was never allowed in school. since it was the same for us

[sturdy cape]

maybe

hats also weren't allowed in my school which literaly never ever made sense

what are they gonna do... smuggle contraband into the school? they'll do that regardless of if they wear a hat or not

[timber gull]

Yeah

[sturdy cape]

other weird things that i never understood and, to be fair i do not know if this is a universal experience or just an american thing, but school's obsession with teaching grade school kids how to play the recorder for a year

[timber gull]

Yeah

[sturdy cape]

fr i am always like

we should be focusing on math and english and history but i guess

playing an instrument that very few people will ever be good at is high up in the list of skills people need to survive as an adult

/s

[timber gull]

Haha

For us we actually do need our violin to survive as it calms us down etc.

[sturdy cape]

but that's violin! it's a beautiful instrument and it sounds pretty and is a good skill

but playing the recorder? broooo

[timber gull]

Haha

Yeah

[heady hornet]

I need it!!!! I live for music

But m more of a singer anyway lol

[sturdy cape]

if it helps you and it is not doing active harm to you, your system, or anyone else

i love that for u

[timber gull]

No one else is gonna show up for this 😩

[timber gull]

It is chaos now. I wanted someone to show up. Got that x6…

Someone’s singing Hamilton, another Give Me Oil, another Can You Feel The Love Tonight.

[paper crater]

\Is it possible to be lured into liking a subject because an alter fancies the teacher…?

\I know that’s a weird question. But it’s also a genuine question

\I also don’t know who I am so that helps. We aways get weird thoughts when we’re like this

[little dew]

i think that it's probable i am no professional but from what i can see is that sometimes it can happen with a few alters (at least with us) idk about the rest tho

[timber gull]

Also, sorry for all the Qs, ik it is possible to introject someone who you trust/who helps you, if it was someone you see basically everyday, would they maybe hide and just appear as a voice and never front or show themselves too much? How would you differentiate pretending to talk to them and them being an alter you are talking to as well?

[faint mason]

i actually know the answer!!! it’s about strengthening your lungs, so either schools have to pay someone to give breathing lessons or they make the kids play recorder

[sturdy cape]

what if i had severe childhood asthma tho? they still made me play the recorder and i was dying after every lesson

/hj

[faint mason]

ope. yeah i have no clue

i mean clearly your lungs needed some strength! /silly

[sturdy cape]

😂 Obviously!

i mean it makes sense from that perspective but at the same time im like

everyone in the school faculty probably hated the time those lessons came around because like

a bunch of grade schoolers playing the recorder... most terribly...

i'd cry

[timber gull]

We had/have asthma too

Saffron System (ask 4 fronter) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) what if i had severe childhood asthma tho? they still made me play the recorder and i was dying afte…

[sturdy cape]

tbh our asthma got soooo much worse

as the years went on

but we vibe

[timber gull]

Ours is basically gone, apart from when someone uses perfume

[sturdy cape]

yeah that's fair

we get awful flare ups in asthma symptoms during the spring and part of summer

[timber gull]

Mmm

We don’t notice it

Do ya mind if I let Khaos talk? Her name pretty much describes her

She’s banging to be let out of the ‘cage’ I put her in

[sturdy cape]

as long as she can stay civil and respectful, i think it should be okay?

[timber gull]

Me can, just like to cause chaos but damien no let me

[sturdy cape]

haha chaos can be fun

only in small moderation tho

[timber gull]

It is, but lots not small

[sturdy cape]

i disagree but that is okay, we are allowed our own opinions

[timber gull]

Me probably got too big opinion

[sturdy cape]

big opinions are not always bad

the world needs an equal balance of chaos and order in order to maintain equilibrium

[timber gull]

yep

[sturdy cape]

mmhm

[hollow orchid]

Jekyll and Hyde is my source!! : D

[timber gull]

Oooo cool!

[timber gull]

thought i was just a phase but i'm fronting again now so ig not lol
anyone else relate? 😭

[heady hornet]

Anyone else have a little grow up very suddenly? She was a newborn baby that a Caretaker that fused into her took care of. When the Caretaker and the baby fused the baby grew up and has some qualities of the Caretaker. The baby grew up to 4 and I think yesterday or the day before I realised she felt older and then she was 7 and now it feels like she's growing to 11. That's....yea idk what's happening

Also /ot

But was reading a book in the plane and realized I remembered seeing the exact words I was reading but can't remember ever reading them but I knew I had my phone open and saw those words. Is that deja vu or...... cause I've noticed more amnesia

[timber gull]

anyone else just tired all the time?

[timber gull]

How do you help derealisation/dissociation?

grounding techniques that allow yourself to live in the moment are the most helpful. i do know that it sounds cliche and like a typical response but it really does help.

have you heard of the rainbow spotting method? it's very similar to the 5 senses countdown but instead you are looking around your surroundings to attempt to find items that will make a rainbow in your head.

Might try that once I’m out of the only grey and blue room 😂

haha yeah that would make it pretty difficult to make a rainbow!

that is my advice but i would also recommend that sometimes you do have to let the dissociation run it's course. fighting it can do more harm than good at times.

just don't let it consume you, is all.

Yeah. We’ve got an exam in 45 minutes. So need to fight it off enough to think by then

understood.

[timber gull]

Feeling a bit more grounded dissociation/derealisation wise. But more panicky sensory wise because I’ve come back to earth

Yay

[timber gull]

Slightly more grounded (for everything)

Not looking forwards to this

[timber gull]

Could exams be what’s causing our new alters?
Because we don’t feel that stressed about it ngl, so it doesn’t feel right.

[heady hornet]

If its scary and you need them to cope then probably

[rocky zealot]

could be if stressing and scary, making difficult to cope (as they said ^^^)

[timber gull]

Yeah, I mean it's not that stressing, it seems, nor scary.
Could be another alter taking that stress for whoever's in front? idk, our sys is kinda chaotic rn.

[heavy steppe]

Lately my alters who are all little girls that are sisters have been having parties and it feels chaotic in my body right now because at random each will come out and want to dance around and sing happy birthday. Sorry if that sounds weird. I have never told anyone about my little girl alters not even therapists or psychs because I don't fully understand them and over the months have finally decided to do research on DID, like how they happens excetra. My alters names are Anastasia a rowdy brat type girl who can be sweet at times she is two then her big sister is Julia she is three and very shy and their little sister Sandy is 1 and a half and autistic like me with a hard time navigating the world

[paper crater]

How do you manage coming back to the body for first time in 2 months and getting triggered and now struggling to stay in front and you have 5 others with you?

[heavy steppe]

Are you saying your alter or alters were out for two months

[timber gull]

pretty sure they mean that they weren't able to front (control the body) for 2 months

because technically speaking, we're all alters. some just front more often than not

[heavy steppe]

Ah I see

I had a long night of my little alter Sandy being out more than the others though they took turns to be out. Sandy wants to say hi to anyone here. H..h..hi

[faint mason]

hi sandy!

[heavy steppe]

Hi I am one and a half and have two sissys do you have sissys

[midnight drift]

Hiya mate it's generally advised to keep littles off social media as they are unable to accurately process the danger unless supervised

[heavy steppe]

Me da da is watch me

[heavy steppe]

Me being out while the host is talking to her husband is a bit stressful being back and forth

[paper crater]

What Rook said, i wasn’t able to front for 2 months. And I’m struggling being back because a lot has changed, and we’re in the middle of GCSEs and I can’t cope with exams

[heavy steppe]

Owe ok me hope you feel better soon

[paper crater]

Thanks 🙂

[heavy steppe]

Your welcome

[peak sierra]

Dunno where else I can talk. Bit worried bout moms reaction if I let her know who I am.

[heavy steppe]

Do you think she will tell you your faking it or that she will be like your crazy. If my mom ever found out about my alters I always think she will think I am crazy. Just try to stay safe and tell if it's safe to

[hollow orchid]

Anyone ever get a robot alter? Or is that just me ;-;

I feel like its going to switch me out but I don't want it to 😭

[heavy steppe]

I haven't gotten a robot alter before. Right now I am trying to do adult stuff like dishes and feed myself but keep getting stopped by my alter Sandy wanting out. I hope you can be stronger then the robot. I can tell your scared it's going to be ok

[hollow orchid]

I hope I am too... Rn it's winning and I'm kind of scared. I don't want it to. It has so much passive influence on me, at the moment. And I completely understand that

[sturdy cape]

robot alters are common, they're considered under the branch of non-human alters. however i'd like to place a gentle reminder that your alters have just as much right to be in the body as you do, and stuffing your alters down and silencing them is very counterproductive to the healing process.

i would recommend trying to reach out to this alter and ask them whats going on, why does it feel the way it does, stuff like that.

[hollow orchid]

That's honestly fair, thank you. How would I reach out to them? They feel really cold and distant?

[sturdy cape]

i know it seems so scary, because it is very scary! existing in a system is a very difficult existence but functional multiplicity is achievable, yet only achievable if you welcome the others in your system and support one another.

you can do a lot of things to try and reach out. thinking internally, speaking out loud externally (in a safe space, of course), writing notes, there are a lot of resources online that can also help you. but also remember that they are not obligated to respond to your attempts to reach out. that doesn't mean you shouldn't try but they do not have to respond. they will respond when they're ready.

i wish you the best of luck <3

[hollow orchid]

Thank you!! < 3

[sturdy cape]

robot alters, or any kind of alters with suppressed emotions/feelings/etc, are a challenge for sure. but you all will get through this.

sometimes switching is unavoidable too. its very difficult but i believe in you all!

[hollow orchid]

I feel like we will switch sometime tonight but I might try to switch momentarily. Idk though

[sturdy cape]

look up some grounding techniques. specifically grounding techniques that are designed specifically for dissociation and ptsd.

[hollow orchid]

I definitely will, thank you!

[sturdy cape]

of course <3

also it is a full moon tonight, if you believe in any of that stuff.

full moon weirdness™️

[hollow orchid]

Ohh that makes sense

[sturdy cape]

haha yeah i was wondering why things felt so off earlier and then my mama was like "did u know its a full moon?" and i immediately was like "Oh. Well that makes sense."

[hollow orchid]

Yesss haha

I know all about moon phases so my english teacher nicknamed me "moon lady"

[sturdy cape]

that's funny

[hollow orchid]

Yeah haha

[sturdy cape]

i'm obsessed with lunar science and mythology so 😭

[hollow orchid]

I used to be obsessed with it!! (I still like it)

[sturdy cape]

it's a good obsession to have <3

[hollow orchid]

I agree!!

[heavy steppe]

No wonder my alters are all coming at once tonight. I normally get things about me affected by that

[sturdy cape]

well no i don't think alter activity is irritated by a full moon. it's a mental health condition not a magical power shdgjsdgs

but if that is what helps you cope? ye

[heavy steppe]

Also my depression is bad today and tonight. I have slowly been learning that they came into my life to protect me. Mine are protective alters and coping ones to

[sturdy cape]

all alters are protective alters made to cope with trauma

[heavy steppe]

Yes I am learning about mine and they are teaching me why they came into my life. It's good to learn more

They have been telling me their back stories to how they got to me

[sturdy cape]

aye.. well. i've been working with my system for a while now and i have honestly barely scratched the surface ^^;;

i would say don't delve too deep without the help of a medical proffessional tho. dissociative systems are formed because of intense trauma and you could uncover something before you are all ready, and that could be really detrimental to your system's health.

ah no please don't talk about your trauma so openly here

[hollow orchid]

Update: We ended up switching but not to that alter that we mentioned. Something came up.

[sturdy cape]

it's not safe for you or us to get told so openly about things that have happened in the past.

[sturdy cape]

are you okay?

[peak sierra]

Okie dokie. Someone came to front and helped me, but thank you 😌

[heavy steppe]

I have been talking to mine lately and mentioning stuff. I have a appointment the 11 of June but they did tell me the some of the trauma I have that they read in my mental health journal and the links to why my alters came into my life makes since

[hollow orchid]

No, not really. Sorry.

[heavy steppe]

Glad they did

[sturdy cape]

don't be sorry! it's okay to not be okay.

[hollow orchid]

I'm only bodily 16 and being reminded of the past (not connected to this convo) sucks

[sturdy cape]

i totally understand

[hollow orchid]

I feel like I'm gonna have a ||panic attack||

[heavy steppe]

Sorry 😔 I forget a lot 😢

[peak sierra]

I am too

Thank you

[heavy steppe]

Your welcome

[coral flint]

My head hurts
Keeping track of today is hard cause internal communication imploded out of nowhere and I was hoping it would kinda fix itself but nope

[paper crater]

Just take your time, don't force it, that won't help

[heavy steppe]

Anyone know how to calm alters in the morning. The past few days when I wake up my alters have all woke up and I can feel them all wanting to come out at once

[timber gull]

i just said “we” instead of i twice with my parents. 😭

never done that before.

[heavy steppe]

It's okay you both are part of the same person but also separate. It'll be okay. Did your parents get mad or confused at you. One time over video chat I did something similar with my second alter because me and my husband were talking about her and my parents gave me a look of what in the world but never really said anything

[heavy steppe]

Also when that happens to me I tell myself it may be scary but it kind of at the same time makes you feel like you're giving you and your altar or alters a sense of individuality and togetherness because you feel like you're working together as a team

[timber gull]

they didn’t notice.

CoolRockenPaws ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) It's okay you both are part of the same person but also separate. It'll be okay. Did your parents ge…

i’m not upset about it. it was just a thing that i did for the first time to them.

[heavy steppe]

Ah I see well good your not upset

[heady hornet]

I do that a lot bit I've done it since I was small so they don't find it weird. (I don't actually remember saying it when I was small but I assume so)

[heavy steppe]

When I do stuff like that it is when I am talking to myself and my parents find talking to myself weird. I have no clue if I did it as a kid I don't remember much of my childhood

[heady hornet]

I don't remember either which is why I assume so

I can remember once when I was like 8 I did refer to me as we but its so vague u can't tell if it's real

[sturdy cape]

i once said we in a convo with my mama and she said "we? what are you, a ant hivemind?"

it was very funny and we laughed it off

[heavy steppe]

I laugh off when my mom says what it's just you here but get sad when she says they're not real

[coral flint]

Lmao imagine the look on her face if you said yes 💀

[sturdy cape]

she would've certainly thought i was being sarcastic 😂

[coral flint]

Yeahh

[sturdy cape]

that's how our family works

which in the grand scheme of things is not the worst dynamic to have

[coral flint]

I’d imagine it could get you out of some situations if you say the wrong thing

[sturdy cape]

yep! for sure haha

[timber gull]

Does anyone have like any advice 4 coming out as a system 2 a friend group or to liek a therapist cus well we wish 2 be seen but it’s hard yk?

[heavy steppe]

me sad me thinks me scared a friend 😢 me didn't mean to

[heady hornet]

My dms are open if you wanna talk. It's not fun to accidentally hurt friends

[heady hornet]

If you trust them then be brave and go for it. For telling my friend group things I let them guess and if they don't get it by that time I'm warmed up enough

[heavy steppe]

me sent friend request

[heady hornet]

I accepted

[timber gull]

How do we deal with a host in denial?
He will not be happy when he finds out I sent this by the way

[paper crater]

Won’t see replies for 8hrs minimum, so pls @ us

[heavy steppe]

can you please explain a little more of the situation. Is he in denial that you exist

[timber gull]

He won’t let us talk. He knows we exist but doesn’t want us to and keeps ||scratching our head to get us out of it||
tw for harm

[paper crater]

This is base account by the way

[timber gull]

It’s probably more him not wanting us here than full denial, but I don’t know what else to call it

[midnight drift]

Resistance and denial is natural for systems. Use what time you have to reach out to a professional if you can. Be gentle but persistent. If you can reach out to friends

Shut downs and panic is normal. It's scary but you can and will pull through

@paper crater

There is some level of acceptance for you to get this far. Be proud of what you have gained, it's not easy.

If you can try leaving notes in a journal or on your phone.

[timber gull]

Yeah. That’s gonna be hard because he’s deleted our Simply Plural haha (only the app not account luckily)

him going dormant a month after syscovery and splitting 20 times or so within that month

Alex [Bug] - @ping me! ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) There is some level of acceptance for you to get this far. Be proud of what you have gained, it's no…

That was fun, only reason all of us others accept it is because we were too switchy not to

[weak basin]

GG @paper crater, you just advanced to level 18!

[timber gull]

Love that Jay also can’t do anything rn to stop me because he’s regressed aha

[midnight drift]

It's fairly common for the host to be the most resistant. Systems are built around the idea of not knowing to one degree or another and/or not accepting what happened. It's natural that acceptance is often hard

There is no one right or easy way to cope with it

[midnight drift]

Have you tried Antar or Lighthouse?

[timber gull]

Not yet 🙂

Yeah. He accepted it, then probably split the acceptance part off 😦

Alex [Bug] - @ping me! ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) It's fairly common for the host to be the most resistant. Systems are built around the idea of not k…

ooo midnight. Yay

[midnight drift]

It usually takes at least a few attempts before acceptance actually sets in. Regression in progress feels like being set back to square one but you will bounce back faster each time

[timber gull]

Yeah!
I mean, we’ve been researching on and off for two years. And March 3rd was the first time we accepted any of it. So… still new to full syscovery stuff

[midnight drift]

Yep that's fairly common. I promise you're not alone

It's scary as all hell but nothing lasts forever. Pain and fear included

[timber gull]

definitely not alone. :)

[peak sierra]

Never alone

[timber gull]

denial - ||currently watching a bunch of system youtube videos because despite blurring i’m not. believing it still.||

Thanks!
I should probably help the body get to sleep though now, we are tired as hell. I’ll talk the next time Jay is regressed - I get summoned as I am a caregiver and he can’t do anything to stop me when he is

good luck! /gen

[midnight drift]

Rest well mate. Baby steps

[peak sierra]

Good luck! Hopefully you’ll be ok.

[timber gull]

Thanks so much guys

[peak sierra]

Gnight!

[heavy steppe]

you will never be alone 🙂

[heavy steppe]

i kinda feel in denial to. My denial is i am having trouble fully accepting the fact that the alters are showing more often and have this fear inside that people i love and care about might think i am absolutely crazy when they discovers me in a disositive state. For years when i have felt this way i have hid or felt only safe alone even if people i care about wont judge me. I don't know why i feel this way I should feel safe but I don't

[timber gull]

how do i access the inner world? do we even have one?

i feel like i’m always in front. even now when someone else has the most control, and is typing everything for me, i’m still here. and i never feel like i leave. which is contributing to the denial, i think.

i don’t know if it’s even possible for me to have one. because i can’t visualise.. so. i don’t know enough about how this works though.

[peak sierra]

We struggle with that a lot. I’m unsure, visualizing spaces that make you feel safe help.

No matter what it may be.

Like visualizing yourself in a safe place

[heavy steppe]

What if you're not in a safe space and can't get anything safe to visualize

[peak sierra]

Media

Usually

Or nature

[heavy steppe]

Owe well that makes since and awww yes me and my third alter Julia love nature so much

[peak sierra]

Or even just photos online that calm you down

Like rooms etc

[heavy steppe]

Thank you. People like you are helping slowly guide me to understanding myself in-between therapy

[peak sierra]

No problem! Glad I could help. 😌👍🏻

[heavy steppe]

Off topic I like your profile picture what is it from

[peak sierra]

It’s from a spooky Youtube Series called The Walten Files. (Wouldn’t recommend to those who get freaked out easily, and also not if it’s nighttime)

[heavy steppe]

Makes me wish I didn't see don't hug me I'm scared

[peak sierra]

Ikr. It’s very similar I won’t lie.

Happy Tree Friends is also not fun

[heavy steppe]

They were weird

[peak sierra]

Very

[coral flint]

This made us laugh
Tw for drug mention

[heady hornet]

Us too. Feel like I'm always in front but still different but I'm still there. It's very discouraging. I'm sorry you have to deal with that

[heady hornet]

XD omg

[fading path]

i just found out clawed beauty is a system

[civic iron]

Wait seriously? Where'd you hear that?

[fading path]

on her tiktok

[hollow orchid]

We stan Clawed Beauty - Liv (They/He/She)

[civic iron]

Help gosh dangit we don't have tiktok 😭

[fading path]

XD

hold on

[hollow orchid]

We have just insta

[fading path]

we don't use tiktok either but decided to do a little digging for whatever reason 😭

[hollow orchid]

Aaaaaa we stann!!! ❤️ /p

[civic iron]

Oh my gosh!! Wow!

Their multiple system centered videos make much more sense now tbh

[fading path]

ill send the video in promotions as well since it's very sweet , for anyone who wants it

[hollow orchid]

Please @ me when you do cuz I would love to see it

[heavy steppe]

Oooo someone I can learn more about DID from how interesting but I don't have tik tok

[fading path]

they don't actually tend to post about it but i do still recommend their stuff since all of it is really comforting :D they're on youtube and instagram as well

[heavy steppe]

Thanks for the info

[timber gull]

i loooove clawed beauty their videos are so comforting and super validating. they've made me cry at some points, good tears but still

[heavy steppe]

Aww

[timber gull]

even outside of DID stuff their stuff has been nice to see. its just nice to remind ourselves that we are still human, in a sense, and that matters

[heavy steppe]

Yeah when I don't feel human I like to gravitate twords finding things that help me feel human

[timber gull]

especially because the DID/OSDD experience is so much more than having alters... having alters is just one part of this very complicated disorder. it is important to take care of your other needs as well

[heavy steppe]

I am learning that. I even just read my mental health journal and it tought me things I need to work on to care for myself when I am in that dissociative state since I was reading my dissociative page

I read back things I experience since I forget easy

[hollow orchid]

hiii -?

[heavy steppe]

Hi

[timber gull]

being forgetful is super common because amnesia as well as amnesia about having amnesia and just aughgh its a time for sure

hello! how are you doing?

Duck Lord (pls @) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) hiii -?

[heavy steppe]

Feels like a rollercoaster

[hollow orchid]

i okays i little an idk what to doo...

[timber gull]

oh okay. is there anyone you can speak to internally?

you're safe i promise. just remember that, okay?

[hollow orchid]

caretakers busy an host stress... idk... everybody eepys

[heady hornet]

Wajtv really??????????

[hollow orchid]

nobody talking

[timber gull]

do you have any books you can read? or coloring things?

[heavy steppe]

Awww sweetie it's ok. Do you have anything you can do right now

[hollow orchid]

no kid book an i don wannn color

[heavy steppe]

What do you want to do

[hollow orchid]

i don kno

[timber gull]

that's okay! i understand. is there anything we can do to help you? would you like to watch some silly animal videos?

[heavy steppe]

It's ok to not know. How about watching cartoons and cuddling with stuffies. I love that

[hollow orchid]

mb idk

o no

a fren texted an dey don kno abt our sys an yea

[timber gull]

is it late where you are?

[hollow orchid]

uhhhh wat is late?

[timber gull]

night time. when the sky gets dark

[heavy steppe]

Yes when those bright things in the sky show up

[hollow orchid]

sky is a little dark still see blu

[timber gull]

okay got it

[hollow orchid]

dey kno im onlin

[heavy steppe]

Not to late then

[timber gull]

you don't have to answer your friend. lots of people fall asleep without changing their status to offline

[hollow orchid]

an i had to act big bc da mom came

ohhhhss

[timber gull]

you are doing a good job and you are being so brave and strong

[hollow orchid]

okiss

[heavy steppe]

Being big around mom is such a brave thing

[timber gull]

but im sure you and your system can pass off the lack of immediate response as you just fell asleep

[hollow orchid]

also i like ur profile

[timber gull]

mine?

[hollow orchid]

bothss

[heavy steppe]

Aww thank you

[timber gull]

we do have pretty cool profiles thanks

[heavy steppe]

Your sweet and yes we do ☺️

[hollow orchid]

: D

[timber gull]

would you like to see a picture of my cat?

[hollow orchid]

Ooooo yeeeeee

[heavy steppe]

Ooo and mine to

[hollow orchid]

yeeeeessss an i has dogs

[heavy steppe]

Cute

[timber gull]

this is stanley! he is 7 years old <3

[hollow orchid]

awwwww hes adowableeees

[timber gull]

he is super soft, like a bunny rabbit

[heavy steppe]

She hid here tonight like it's comfy. Bootsie she is 5

Very silky fur

[hollow orchid]

/vvpos

dey both adowabless i lov!! /p /gen

[timber gull]

here he is making biscuits on my blanket

[hollow orchid]

awwwww he cute!!

[timber gull]

why thank you :3 you said you have dogs? are they friendly to you?

[heavy steppe]

My cat has a Instagram and a few videos of her chasing a Thomas the tank engine on my husband's train tracks

[hollow orchid]

yee but i not out much bc schools

[hollow orchid]

awwwwwwwww

i tink ouw host has da insta

[timber gull]

aw man thats boring! school can be so boring but it's super important

[hollow orchid]

yeeeeee host old hahaha
dey gonna be graduate in 2 year

[heavy steppe]

That can be exciting and scary hu

[timber gull]

gosh thats super old!! graduation is exciting though

[hollow orchid]

yeeeees dey go in psych tho

dey gon help peoples

[timber gull]

like they want to study it?

[hollow orchid]

yeee!!

[heavy steppe]

Awww that's wonderful

[timber gull]

oh thats awesome! i'm sure they're gonna do a great job

[hollow orchid]

yay!!

[timber gull]

we need more people in psych and im sure people like your host are the type we need

[hollow orchid]

are dere any youtubers dat are safe for peoples like mess??

[heavy steppe]

They have experience so that makes it easier to help. We need more host type not enough out there

[timber gull]

kid friendly youtubers?

[hollow orchid]

yees

[timber gull]

im sure i can find some, would you like me to?

[hollow orchid]

if it no bother

[heavy steppe]

I love watching ibxtoycat he is a Minecraft YouTuber and kid friendly to

[timber gull]

oh you are never a bother, i promise

[hollow orchid]

okii

[weak basin]

GG @hollow orchid, you just advanced to level 12!

[heavy steppe]

Yeah we enjoy having you here

[hollow orchid]

oooooo was level??

[timber gull]

just a fun game we have going on in the server <3

[heavy steppe]

Ooo

[hollow orchid]

ooo!! 12 is high number

[heavy steppe]

Yes it is

[timber gull]

one of the youtubers i want to recommend is this guy called bryanofomaha. he is a guy who works at a doggy daycare and boarding place but all his videos are just about dogs and how each of them are special and unique and adorable

[hollow orchid]

awwwws i check him out soons

[timber gull]

tubby nugget is also a good one. their videos are just really feel good kinda videos with super cute cartoons

[hollow orchid]

: D

[heavy steppe]

Ooo I love them he is so cute

Especially his hugs videos

[hollow orchid]

i stimss

[heavy steppe]

Awwww what kind do you do

[hollow orchid]

han flappies, rockies, an oter thin

[timber gull]

very good stims!

[heavy steppe]

Aww me too. Very soothing

[hollow orchid]

yee an i lov de soun of me keyboard

[timber gull]

me and a few in my system flick our fingers a lot as well as rockies!

[hollow orchid]

my voice soun weirdd /neg

[heavy steppe]

Oh I bet it's cute

[timber gull]

oh dear its okay. we all sound weird sometimes

[heavy steppe]

Trust me not a lot of people like to hear their own voice but everybody's is unique in a good way

[hollow orchid]

i soun like a teen, dey mean

[heavy steppe]

Not all of them but I understand where the fear comes from

[hollow orchid]

okii

[timber gull]

not all teens are mean, indeed. but the fear is understandable

[hollow orchid]

yeee

[heavy steppe]

Have some been mean to you

[hollow orchid]

ya an da host

*to da host

[timber gull]

teens have been to us too... but we also knew some nice teens too!

[hollow orchid]

oohs

i think body is teen but i no sure

[heavy steppe]

Maybe you can ask one day

[hollow orchid]

mb

[timber gull]

that's okay if you're not sure how old your body is

[hollow orchid]

i 4 tho

[heavy steppe]

Aww sweet age. Me got littles who are 1 and a half, two and three

[hollow orchid]

awwws

[heavy steppe]

There sisters and right now they are having a pillow fight

[fading path]

you guys are 16 i believe /lh-info

[hollow orchid]

ohhhh oki

[hollow orchid]

awwwwss i wanna has a pillow fights

[heavy steppe]

You can 🙂

The girls should be in bed though it's almost midnight here

[hollow orchid]

ohhhh okiss!!

it 9:30 heres

[heavy steppe]

Not to late

[hollow orchid]

yeees

[timber gull]

It's a weekend but make sure you still get to sleep at a decent enough time, okay?

[hollow orchid]

yee

also hi hiis!!

[timber gull]

You have good sleep at night in order to get big and strong.

Hello. It is nice to meet you.

[hollow orchid]

i lov your name!! it prettyy!!

[timber gull]

Thank you very much. That's sweet of you to say.

[hollow orchid]

: D

[timber gull]

It's getting late here, just a bit past 10:30 PM. But I probably won't sleep until our parents get home.

[hollow orchid]

ohhhs okis!! pls take car of yous tho!!

[timber gull]

Of course. :) I'll still be around.

[hollow orchid]

:))

[heavy steppe]

I won't sleep much or at all tonight either my husband isn't home till six this morning and it's 11:33 at night. He is my caretaker and I miss him

[hollow orchid]

ohhhhsss

[heavy steppe]

Yeah he has a very long work night

[hollow orchid]

i hope dat he does amazings!!

[heavy steppe]

Me to he works for a carnival so travels lots

He is very good with special needs kids

[hollow orchid]

oooooo

he soun lik goob person!!! : D

[heavy steppe]

He really is even if he thinks he is not he is the sweetest and nicest man in my life

[hollow orchid]

:))

[heavy steppe]

He has a nak for caring for kids, littles and alters. He knows just what cute cloths they like, he gets fun toys and foods and is all in all just great. He also gives good cuddles. Cuddles are soothing. Who is your care taker

[hollow orchid]

i has one in sys but i don has out of sys :c

da host don kno abt her but her name laura

[heavy steppe]

Aww pretty name. I bet she treats you so well

[hollow orchid]

she doess but rn she eep

[heavy steppe]

Aww it's ok she will wake up and be happy to see you

[hollow orchid]

she don know i front rn 😶

[timber gull]

You cannot control who fronts at all times so I'm sure she will understand.

[hollow orchid]

okii

[heavy steppe]

Awww that is ok. My husband doesn't know when I do that much to. He only knows one of my alters but the others have been shy to show themselves till recently. I want to show him one day and hope he understands. My alter Anastasia loves him and when his little Tommy comes out Anastasia just runs to him so happy

[timber gull]

If we could control our switches and fronting times seamlessly, life would be so much easier.

[hollow orchid]

same heress

[hollow orchid]

awwwww

[heavy steppe]

Yes that is right

[heavy steppe]

I wish I knew what my alters looked like. I bet they are pretty little girls

[hollow orchid]

no on but us an disc kno dat we sys

[hollow orchid]

awwww dey soun lik goob peoples!!

[heavy steppe]

They are

[timber gull]

Getting to know your system takes a lot of time. Patience and understanding is key to getting to know everyone equally. It is not something you can force, unfortunately.

[hollow orchid]

yees

[timber gull]

Oh darn. I used the wrong proxy.

[heavy steppe]

Yes I have been coming to understand that slowly

[timber gull]

Rook must be around here somewhere and I just can't feel them.

[hollow orchid]

it otay!! we used has proxy but on alter keep delete it an change roles

dat alter annoy me :C

[timber gull]

Thank you for understanding, dear.

Oh my.

[hollow orchid]

*dat alter meaning one of da sys

sorries

[timber gull]

Haha oh no, I understood what you meant. Don't worry.

[hollow orchid]

okiis

[timber gull]

Why do they annoy you, if I can ask?

[hollow orchid]

we would has da alters role but dat on alter keep change :c

[hollow orchid]

dey keep change thing an life

[timber gull]

Well that's just not nice of them.

[hollow orchid]

yee

[heavy steppe]

When I first joined Idk what was going on but someone said we don't talk about alters. Not sure why but that seemed mean

[hollow orchid]

ohss

[timber gull]

I can think of someone like that in my system, just generally unpleasant to be around. It happens too much, honestly.

[hollow orchid]

i sory abt thats

[timber gull]

It's not your fault, so do not apologize.

I shared that as a way to show that I understand you.

[hollow orchid]

oki, ty

[timber gull]

❤️

Not again!

[hollow orchid]

oop-

[timber gull]

Perhaps this is a sign that I should log off for the night.

[hollow orchid]

awwwwww otayss

[timber gull]

It was an absolute pleasure meeting you. Try and get some sleep too, okay?

[hollow orchid]

sombody wan me to switch in sys so yee i willls!! i like meet u toos!!

[timber gull]

yeah.. my issue is that i can’t visualise though- so. /lh

Chronic Jesters in a Trenchcoat ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) Like visualizing yourself in a safe place

like. do i just say what the safe space is? and then my brain will do stuff? i don’t know-

i need a research document that’s easy to read.

[fading path]

I think we have 2 new alters who are both introjects(?) of other alters (including their memories) in the sys-
Plus they're (we're?? I don't even know who I am-) both really connected to eachother which makes it even more confusing 😭

Maybe I'm/we're just interpreting it wrong

Things be complicated rn-

I think im delulu 😭

[paper crater]

You guys ok?

[fading path]

Uhh kind of- Just extremely confused and trying to figure out what's going on 😭

[paper crater]

That’s fair

[fading path]

I'm the 3rd one- Apparently-

I need a profile picture but Idek what I want my profile picture to be -_-

Sorry- I'm rambling-

[paper crater]

It’s fine

You can ramble here /gen

If you want any help, let me know

[fading path]

Thank you 🧡

[timber gull]

Figured things out- Kind of- Hopefully-
Still feel weird about everything but atleast we understand ourselves better now

Still don't know if i'm just delulu tho 😭

Also have a fluctuating headache now- Kind of weird but anyway

I need to stop using - so much 😭

same-

Cub (They/He/It) [🖤🦊] // TCC • ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) I need to stop using - so much 😭

Mood

I also don't even know if i'm me at this point-

Brain go brrrrrrr

brain does go brrrrr.

Yeah no- I think someone else is here with me
Only problem is they don't have a name or anything either and have been procrastinating self-discovery for ages 😭

Cub (They/He/It) [🖤🦊] // TCC • ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) I also don't even know if i'm me at this point-

So... yeah-

Everything feels new- and weird-

And it's kind of scaring me because even the most small stuff feels strange to me-

Like how I just saw someone say in text "erm what the flip" even though that's apparently something we say on a regular basis- Even IRL- But it feels new to me somehow

I'm pretty sure this is the most distant to life anyone in the system has felt before- I have no idea what's going on 😭

Aaaaand I'm slowly losing brain power so I have no idea if what anything i'm saying makes sense or not 😭

Maybe I should just sleep-

sleep is good.

if you can.

maybe your brain will feel better in the morning?

Maybe. Or it'll explode in our sleep- /j (hopefully)

My brain feels like a wall right now

mine feels like an orange.

that’s being peeled.

and there’s a bunch of stuff in it.

that i don’t wanna- know-

i hope you feel better. /gen

I was actually looking up for an orange emoji (which is apparently a tangerine- I don't know how we didn't know that before-) a couple minutes ago- Actually more than a couple minutes ago- Like half an hour ago- But it feels like a couple minutes ago
What am I even saying- 😭

Thank you

ryn | ask prns | 🫧💫 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) i hope you feel better. /gen

I accidentally just said we to our friend- I'm-

I'm just gonna sleep now 😭

Bye bye peoples

Thanks for listening to (or ignoring) my rant 😭

[heavy steppe]

Hi me awake but host still sleepy

Me caretaker came home so me happy though

[paper crater]

That’s good! /gen

[heavy steppe]

Yes

Me laying with me stuffies watching funny videos. Me just a shy little three year old

[paper crater]

That’s nice!

Is someone there supervising what you’re saying here?

[heavy steppe]

Yes me caretaker

He says be careful and nice

[paper crater]

Good

[heavy steppe]

Me be big girl and caretaker help me get host their medical gummies on Amazon. Me helpful

Now me up and hyper 😁

Me got to use big girl voice out of home because me shy

[paper crater]

Aw

Sounds like you are having fun

[heavy steppe]

Hosts husband taking me to breakfast. Also I like you your nice

[paper crater]

Thanks!
Our pfp is actually someone else in our sys but thanks

[heavy steppe]

You all so nice then and yw

[paper crater]

🙂

[heavy steppe]

Bye bye caretaker says time to go

[paper crater]

Bye 🙂

[heavy steppe]

Me and hosts husband were eating food and I told him me Julia was out fully and about me little sissy Sandy and he didn't do anything to mean just smile. Firsty time we told him and me and me little sissy

[heady hornet]

Awww!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!

[heavy steppe]

☺️

[timber gull]

How do you install an app on this garbage? Jay deleted SP

[midnight drift]

Go to the app store, there's a search bar at the top, click on it and type the name, then hit install when the correct app shows

[timber gull]

Alright

Thanks

[midnight drift]

Np

[timber gull]

I feel I am here, otherwise I would not be talking, but I feel weird

[heady hornet]

Haha. How to tell if I just making alters up? I feel like I am. However I not doing it consciously I just feel like im making it up when I'm not sure but still find a name and even though the name feels right I feel like I'm faking.

[peak sierra]

You can’t be faking unconsciously.

Faking is a choice.

[timber rune]

One of our littles does this all the time. It’s really hard to hide sometimes.

[heavy steppe]

I felt this way at first but am starting to learn you can't fake it as well

[heavy steppe]

Tell me about it especially my little alter Anastasia. Even in inconvenient times when my husband's little Tommy is out she tries to take over and she is strong

[coral flint]

We have a friend that says they have alters and at least acts like they do but they often repeat they have no trauma and probably have schizophrenia/schizoaffective and idk how to talk to them about it because if I do anything as small as set a boundary they often spiral and panic and overly apologise

And I feel like an ||asshole||

[timber gull]

I will give my two cents and be as nice as i possible can?

[coral flint]

Yes please lol

[timber gull]

You setting boundaries should be respected and not made into a big deal where your friend spirals into panic and negativity. To me that sounds like your friend is more concerned about how you all view them instead of the fact that you had to even set a boudary in place

Kinda like how when cis people misgender a trans person and the cis person makes a huge deal about how it's just sooo difficult for them to remember and that they're really trying and they're soooo sorry. When all trans people want is for cis people to correct themselves and move on from the incident.

Your friend should respect the fact that you feel a certain way about something and not make it about them at all.

What i'm saying is that your not an arsehole at all. Def sounds like your friend needs psychiatric help for sure but they should not make it a problem for you

... That still sounds mean. I really did try sorry

[coral flint]

Yeah absolutely
The boundaries were things like don’t make fun of my tics and please change this avatar on pluralkit and simply plural it’s really triggering

[coral flint]

Nah it’s not mean thank you

[timber gull]

Since i dont know your friend at all, i cant really speak about much other than how we tackle those kind of situations

I would honestly advise that you put some distance between them and you but I do know that that's not always possible

[coral flint]

Yeahhh

[timber gull]

Uh basically just I want you to know that your friend should absolutely not be making you establishing boundaries about them ever. Literally EVER

[coral flint]

Okk thanks

[timber gull]

I hope that helped a little bit 😅 I'm not the best with my words lol

[coral flint]

lol you’re good words are hard

[timber gull]

They really are. Why cant i just beam my thoughts directly into other peoples heads? 🙄

[fading path]

hello hello

we appear to have not exploded in our sleep

so that's good 😺 👍

[timber gull]

congratulations. /gen

Good job on not exploding :D

It is a good thing to remain in tact physically and mentally so that is good

[fading path]

yes yes thank you 💫

[timber gull]

Of course i hope ur day continues to be good in that sense

[heavy steppe]

Aww that's good

[sturdy cape]

i need some advice from u all. its about telling a friend (one singular person) that we are a DID system. we've had this friend for 2 years now and we've gotten super close over the last year and we are very super comfortable around them, they have done nothing but been a good person and a safe person to be around.

we have a mutual friend who also has DID and they are 100% out about their system so i don't have worry that this friend will react negatively but i'm just... nervous? because i don't want them to think anything will change between us. we all really like the dynamic we've built now and are comfortable but... yeah. anxious. :(

[heavy steppe]

Well do you think you should do it with each alter or you and your alters tell your friend together

[sturdy cape]

there are way too many of us to do it while all of us are around

[heavy steppe]

Owe you have a lot I see

[sturdy cape]

co-fronting or being co-con is not a pleasant experience for us 😧

[heavy steppe]

Awww well I have contemplated many ways to tell my friends I have alters but here is how I do it. It may help guide you. I say hey can we talk I have something important to tell you and I hope you don't think I am crazy. I have so far not had anyone think I am crazy thank God. Then when they say what is it I tell them I have three little girls inside me and I say not babies because I have had many say wait like babies

I also told my husband about my last two alters he never met today by saying I can feel one coming out and her name is Julia and he smiled when I told him

I was stressed at the loud restaurant which is what I think caused her to come out

[sturdy cape]

um well i suppose i could do something similar

[weak basin]

GG @sturdy cape, you just advanced to level 17!

[heavy steppe]

I'm not the best at advice but if I have some experience with something someone needs help with I try to help the best I can

[sturdy cape]

it's just hard for us to kind of talk about each other especially when we're switchy. we don't always know who's about to switch and recovering from a full switch is hard. not to mention +

oops hit enter too early

[heavy steppe]

It's ok

[sturdy cape]

as a system we're usually pretty blendy... usually with our host but it's just like... foggy

and for us it's usually not safe for us to just announce who's switched. our system is pretty covert as is, so..

[heavy steppe]

Owe yes I struggle with switches and don't always know who comes threw but sometimes I know because I hear their name being called but really when it happens my brain feels foggy. I also get told by my husband I space out

[heavy steppe]

I understand that I don't tell my friends their names. We also feel it's not safe to just say hey blah blah blah switched

[heavy steppe]

Maybe you can find little suddel ways. Do you know if your friend with DID can be there with you when you're ready to tell this person

[sturdy cape]

oh uh we dont really talk to them much anymore. timezones and different interests so..

[heavy steppe]

Owe I see well it's always important to feel it's safe when telling someone. But is there something you worry might happen if you tell your friend. For example I worry I might lose some friends especially since I have not told many and definitely can't tell my blood family that would not end well for me. But besides the point this is about you 🙂

[sturdy cape]

well. like i said in my initial message, this friend has done nothing to harm us and has been nothing but a safe space and safe person. especially because they are aware of what DID is due to our mutual friend and also some stuff we dealt with on a collab writing site we both were on once.

a lot of us are just anxious and nervous because we don't want anything to change. or our friend to feel like things have to change or will change when that is not the case. we like where we are in this friendship and think it would be even better if we got to be open as who we are as individual alters, but. change is scary.

[heavy steppe]

Well since they are a safe person they sound like they will be there for you to help you through this scarry time and to work with you through this and listen and understand you. They sound like a good friend

Also sorry just got really bad memory for remembering messages my bad

[heady hornet]

Low-key felt love something on my mind opened up last night and all my headmates were louder and easy to hear and for the first time I know they actually talked back because we had a conversation. It was one person. Female. Excited about that. Otherwise we're literally just going down a rabbit hole lol (of denial)

[sturdy cape]

update: telling our friend went super well!! happy feels all around

[heady hornet]

Yay!!!!

[sturdy cape]

they actually said that it makes a lot of sense lmfao

[heady hornet]

XD

[sturdy cape]

the validation

[hollow orchid]

When you switch on call with a friend that doesn't believe that you have a system and now its awkward trying to mask

[sturdy cape]

nnnoooo

[heady hornet]

Good thing we don't have friends /hj

[sturdy cape]

[heavy steppe]

So glad it went well

[heavy steppe]

Awww 😞

[heady hornet]

S okay. Never had much friends since I was little

[heavy steppe]

Me to. I had some at one point but they called me crazy and left so I don't make friends much after that

[heady hornet]

Oofies. I'm just anti social

[heavy steppe]

Owe ok

[fading path]

yeouch!

that sucks

[heady hornet]

we've recently found a new alter, which is a little scary since she's very ||morute|| and very ||psychotic|| (Didn't know if they needed to be blurred but want to be safe anyway), my friends are helping me with her but a lot of the time I can hear her and she's not nice...

[timber gull]

not to sounf ignorant but what does ||morute|| meann?

im not good with internet slang and stuffs sorry

[heady hornet]

Oh, it's an aesthetic. It's just a little ||gory|| so I blurred it lol

[timber gull]

ohhhh ok i get it now thank u for explaining

i am sorry shes not nice to u... someone is like that to me to hes suupper mean n i try to ignore him but he makes me soooo mad 😠 😡 😤

bullies are bad n we shouldnt let them treat us like that! even tho there words hurt so much

[heady hornet]

Yeah

[timber gull]

sorry i dont have much to say but i hope things get better n stuff

[heady hornet]

Thanks lol

[heady hornet]

Normally if I'm getting bullied, we try ignore if it's someone who we don't think their opinion matters to us (Not in a rude way ofc), but in this case it's hard since she's... yk... my headmate and stuff

[timber gull]

yea that makes things difficult lol

[heady hornet]

I'm just glad I have friends who help and support me

[timber gull]

thats rly good i am happy for u

[heady hornet]

Thanks :))

[timber gull]

Most of em are co-con

But they are all here

We also have a bad headache

[maiden robin]

oh fudge htat sucks

[timber gull]

I don’t know what’s causing it

[peak sierra]

Yep!

It happens

[heady hornet]

First time so thought we made some progress!!

[fading path]

We just opened up to our friend about being a system and they were so accepting/understanding and i'm really happy :3

[heady hornet]

That's good!!!

[heavy steppe]

Glad your friends are so accepting

What I worry about is if I tell my parents because these issues are caused by trauma when you're little that they may say truama what trauma your life was fine and we caused no trauma to happen. Gosh if only they knew and I could remember my childhood instead of bits and pieces here that are small pieces then they might understand or at least try to

||for starters one small fragment of memories I remember is that my dad having to travel most my childhood and only being aloud home two days a month for years caused me so much trauma because I missed so much life with him||

[timber gull]

Its not safe for us to tell our parents (personally) because although they werent the root cause of it (they still did a disorganized type of parenting) they would definitely be skeptical and also we worry that it'd ruin what is left of our family

[heavy steppe]

Owe no. How do you deal with stuff when around them. Don't have to tell if uncomfortable

[timber gull]

Often times its not safe to tell families in general. Very rare for a family to be supportive of systems, since the trauma usually starts with the family itself

You mean like, switches and dissociation and stuff?

[heady hornet]

Aww im sorry. I kinda know the feeling. ||My mom left when i was 5 to move to canada. it was when i was 12 in 2022 that i got to see her everyday again||

[timber gull]

Luckily our family isnt very observative and we are also very good at masking and being covert, as is the nature of the disorder, so

[heavy steppe]

glad you can see her again

[heady hornet]

yea

[heavy steppe]

owe something like that. Hard to explain

[timber gull]

Guess it depends on the situation? Grounding techniques, system communication and integration to kinda make sure we can fluidly connect with each other so if something goes topsy turvy, we can assess and damage control

That took me so long to type because i was trying to word it but funnily enough, the others were also trying to tell me what to say because of communication lmao funny how that works

I love your user /gen/ot

Forgetful Nonbinary cat (Sorry) ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) owe something like that. Hard to explain

[heavy steppe]

owe that's ok and that makes sence. I am working on figuring out if i am a system. My girls are all sisters so they may be a system. I was reading a note today that i don't remember writing where my alters wrote about who they are, what they like and don't like, a little of what they look like like skin and eye color, if they are skinny or have a tummy and stuff like that. The end of the note from the last alter says we wrote this so you don't forget us. We love ya mama, Love your girls Its interesting. I called my pshyc and he wrote this in my chart for my new theropist they are working to get me. It seems like they seem me the host and their mama

[heavy steppe]

thank you. My forgetfulness has got me in trouble in servers so i decided server names should have it in it to let people know. Except the 13 toon town servers i am in. Because toon town partnering with a server is why i joined discord and my name is my main character in that games name when i am not using server names. Because of it being why i got on here to begin with

[timber gull]

If you experience alters u are in a system. Everyone that exists in a system is an alter and are all related to each other by way of the fact that we literally share the same brain

Systemhood can be hella confusing and all sorts of dynamics can exist in one system. For example, two of our alters are twins and are not familial related to anyone else in the system. My boyfriend is actually one of my headmates too so that also exists

Yeah ^^
Systems are hecking complicated. All of us in this channel will happily help you figure stuff out if you want, all you need to do is ask

Although I cant say that is 100% the truth for every system as we are all different and experience our DID in different ways but thats the basic gist of it

Different experiences but kinda same symptoms and formatting, if that makes sense lol

In our sys, most of us are just friends. Some are “father figures” for the sys and stuff, but none of us are familial related iykwim

[heavy steppe]

owe wow that makes some since. Yeah system stuff is what my pshyc recommended i research from pshyc sites to help try and clear some confusion till i can get in

[timber gull]

What do u mean they recommended system stuff?

[heavy steppe]

like go on the sites and read up more about it to help me understand what a system was. I never knew because of still learning

[timber gull]

Most of us are friends or as we go and say stuff like 'thats my neighbor' lol Not all of us get along but we do try our best to coexist for the sake of stability

Jay 🎶🧮 ↩️

[Reply to:](#1151243634876891246 message) In our sys, most of us are just friends. Some are “father figures” for the sys and stuff, but none o…

[heavy steppe]

what i find interesting is my alter Anastasia according to my husband has come out for a while now and he finds it interesting her big and little sister are fronting some now

[timber gull]

I think you should start by learning the basic biology behind how a system traditionally forms. Im not gonna talk about any of that controversial opinion stuff because I genuinely dont wanna get into arguments

[heavy steppe]

that sound slike a good idea and yeah i understand

[timber gull]

Since DID is basically just a really complex form of complex PTSD lol

[heavy steppe]

ooo i do have symptoms of that according to many pshycs and my old theropist. Sadly all quit

[sturdy cape]

FE: ????

[heavy steppe]

what is that

[timber gull]

PTSD or c-Ptsd?

[heavy steppe]

c-ptsd