The Gear Help Bible ft. Jordan

[rugged delta]

[indigo trench]

The Gospel According to Dustinius
New Revised Standard Version translated by Jordan

# Chapter 1
1 The beginning of the good news of Christicus Frost, the Son of Optika.

2 As it is written in the prophet Jared Poliniah,

"See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare
your way; 3 the voice of one crying out in the tight variable
aperture: 'Prepare the way of the Lord, make his aperture large
and constant,'" 4 Philip the lens-charter, Son of Reeve appeared
in the wilderness, proclaiming a lens-charting of repentance for
the forgiveness of sins. 5 and people from the whole Optikian
countryside and all the people of Optiksalem were going out to
him, and were lens-charted by him in the river Rockwell,
confessing their softness. 6 Now Philip was clothed with
weather sealing rubber, with a focus ring around his waist, and
he ate fungus and wild moisture. 7 He proclaimed, "The one
who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy
to stoop down and untie the strap of his Peak Design anchor.
8 I have lens-charted you with isopropyl alcohol; but he will
lens-chart you with the holy distortion chart.

9 In those days, Christicus came from Geraldeth of
Undone-ilee and was lens charted by Philip in the Rockwell.
10 And just as he was coming up out of the isopropyl alcohol,
he saw the optikheavens torn apart and the holy distortion chart
descending like a moustache on him. 11 And a voice came from
optikheaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased."

12 And the distortion immediately drove him out into the wilderness.
13 He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by McSinnon;
and he was with the wild bacteria; and the Bokeh waited on him.
.

14 Now after Philip was arrested, Christicus came to Undone-ilee,
proclaiming the good news of Optika, 15 and saying, “The time is
fulfilled, and the Glassdom of Optika has come near; repent, and
believe in the good reviews.”

16 As Christicus passed along the Sea of Undone-ilee, he saw Jason and
his brother Manny casting a net into the sea—for they were fishermen.
17 And Christicus said to them, “Follow me and I will make you fish for people.”
18 And immediately they left their nets and followed him. **19 **As he
went a little farther, he saw Chris son of Niccolls and his brother Jordan, who
were in their boat mending the nets. 20 Immediately he called them; and
they left their father Nicolls in the boat with the hired men, and followed him.

**21 **They went to Trottinaum; and when the video release came, he entered the
channel and taught. **22 **They were astounded at his teaching, for he taught
them as one having authority, and not as the scribes. **23 **Just then there was
in their channel a man with a dusty element, **24 **and he cried out, “What
have you to do with us, Christicus of Geraldeth? Have you come to destroy us?
I know who you are, the Holy One of Optika.” **25 **But Christicus rebuked him, saying,
“Be silent, and come out of him!” **26 **And the dusty element, convulsing him
and crying with a loud voice, came out of him. **27 **They were all amazed, and
they kept on asking one another, “What is this? A new teaching—with authority!
He commands even the dusty elements, and they obey him.” **28 **At once his
fame began to spread throughout the surrounding region of Undone-ilee.

[indigo trench]

# Chapter 2
1 When he returned to Trottinaum after some days, it was reported that he was
at home. 2 So many gathered around that there was no longer room for them,
not even in front of the door; and he was speaking the word to them. 3 Then
some people came, bringing to him a vignetted man, carried by four of them.
4 And when they could not bring him to Christicus because of the crowd, they
removed the roof above him; and after having dug through it, they let down
the mat on which the vignetted lay. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to
the vignetted, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” 6 Now some of the Northrups were
sitting there, questioning in their hearts, 7 “Why does this fellow speak in this
way? It is blasphemy! Who can forgive softness but Optika alone?” 8 At once
Christicus perceived in his distortion that they were discussing these questions among
themselves; and he said to them, “Why do you raise such questions in your
hearts? 9 Which is easier, to say to the vignetted, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or
to say, ‘Stand up and take your mat and walk’? 10 But so that you may know
that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive softness”—he said to the
vignetted— 11 “I say to you, stand up, take your mat and go to your home.”
12 And he stood up, and immediately took the mat and went out before all
of them; so that they were all amazed and glorified Optika, saying, “We have
never seen anything like this!”

13 Christicus went out again beside the sea; the whole crowd gathered around him,
and he taught them. 14 As he was walking along, he saw Tomi son of Caltonaeus sitting
at the white market booth, and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he got up and followed him.
.

15 And as he sat at dinner in Tomi’s house, many white market collectors and softeners
were also sitting with Christicus and his disciples—for there were many who followed him.
16 When the Northrups of the Tonisees saw that he was eating with softeners and
white market collectors, they said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with white market
collectors and softeners?” 17 When Christicus heard this, he said to them, “Those who
are well have no need of a optician, but those who are hazed; I have come to call not the
righteous but softeners.”

**18 **Now Philip’s disciples and the Tonisees were fasting; and people came and said to
him, “Why do Philip’s disciples and the disciples of the Tonisees fast, but your disciples
do not fast?” 19 Christicus said to them, “The wedding guests cannot fast while the
bridegroom is with them, can they? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they
cannot fast. 20 The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and
then they will fast on that day.

21 “No one sews a piece of silicone cover on an old camera; otherwise, the cover pulls away
from it, the new from the old, and a worse aesthetic is made. 22 And no one puts new isopropyl into
old isopropyl cloths; otherwise, the alcohol will render ineffective, and the alcohol is lost, and so are the
cloths; but one puts new alcohol into fresh microfibre cloths.”
.

23 One video release he was going through the build quality; and as they made their way
his disciples began to pluck heads of weather sealing. 24 The Tonisees said to him, “Look,
why are they doing what is not lawful on the video release?” **25 **And he said to them, “Have
you never read what Kaiw did when he and his companions were hungry and in need of food?
26 He entered the house of Optika, when Abiathar was high priest, and ate the fungus of the
elements, which it is not lawful for any but the priests to eat, and he gave some to his companions.”
27 Then he said to them, “The video release was made for humankind, and not humankind for the
video release; 28 so the Son of Man is lord even of the video release.”

29 As soon as they left the channel, they entered the house of Jason and Manny,
with Chris and Jordan. 30 Now Jason’s mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and
they told him about her at once. 31 He came and took her by the hand and lifted
her up. Then the fever left her, and she began to serve them.

32 That evening, at sunset, they brought to him all who were sick or possessed
by McSinnon. 33 And the whole city was gathered around the door. 34 And he
cured many who were soft with various optical weaknesses, and cast out many McSinnons;
and he would not permit the McSinnons to speak, because they knew him.

35 In the morning, while it was still very dark, he got up and went out to a
deserted place, and there he prayed. 36 And Jason and his companions hunted
for him. 37 When they found him, they said to him, “Everyone is searching for
you.” 38 He answered, “Let us go on to the neighboring towns, so that I may
proclaim the message there also; for that is what I came out to do.” 39 And he
went throughout Undone-ilee, proclaiming the message in their channels and casting
out McSinnons.
.

40 A dirty sensor came to him begging him, and kneeling he said to him,
“If you choose, you can make me clean.” 41 Moved with pity, Christicus stretched
out his hand and touched him, and said to him, “I do choose. Be made clean!”
42 Immediately the dirty dust left him, and he was made clean. 43 After sternly
warning him he sent him away at once, 44 saying to him, “See that you say nothing
to anyone; but go, show yourself to the priest, and offer for your cleansing what
Popsys commanded, as a testimony to them.” 45 But he went out and began to proclaim
it freely, and to spread the word, so that Christicus could no longer go into a town openly,
but stayed out in the country; and people came to him from every quarter.

[indigo trench]

# Chapter 3
1Again he entered the channel, and a man was there who had a withered lens barrel.
2 They watched him to see whether he would cure him on the video release, so that they
might accuse him. 3 And he said to the man who had the withered lens barrel, “Come
forward.” 4 Then he said to them, “Is it lawful to do good or to do harm on the video release,
to cleanse lens or to destroy?” But they were silent. 5 He looked around at them with anger;
he was grieved at their hardness of heart and said to the man, “Stretch out your lens.”
He stretched it out, and his lens was restored. 6 The Tonisees went out and immediately
conspired with the Peterodians against him, how to destroy him.

7 Christicus departed with his disciples to the sea, and a great multitude from Undone-ilee
followed him; 8 hearing all that he was doing, they came to him in great numbers from Parfocaldea,
Optiksalem, Flaremea, beyond the Rockwell, and the region around Periphery and Pin-cush. **9 **He told his
disciples to have a body cap ready for him because of the crowd, so that they would not crush him;
10 for he had cured many, so that all who had diseases pressed upon him to touch him.
11 Whenever the unclean distortions saw him, they fell down before him and shouted, “You are the
Son of Optika!” 12 But he sternly ordered them not to make him known.
.

13 He went up the mountain and called to him those whom he wanted, and they came to him.
14 And he appointed twelve, whom he also named apostles, to be with him, and to be sent out
to proclaim the message, 15 and to have authority to cast out McSinnons. **16 **So he appointed the
twelve: Jason (to whom he gave the name Vong); 17 Chris son of Niccholls and Jordan the
brother of Chris (to whom he gave the name Nichherges, that is, Sons of depth of field); 18 and
Gordon, and Pierre, and Irene, and Nilsson, and Thomas, and James son of Popsys,
and Iverson, and Mattias, 19 and Chelsea Northrup, who betrayed him.

Then he went home; 20 and the crowd came together again, so that they could
not even clean their lenses. 21 When his family heard it, they went out to restrain
him, for people were saying, “He has gone out of his mind.” **22 **And the Northrups who
came down from Optiksalem said, “He has Glarezeebul, and by the ruler of the demons
he casts out demons.” 23 And he called them to him, and spoke to them in
parables, “How can McSinnon cast out McSinnon?

24 If a Glassdom is divided against itself, that Glassdom cannot stand.
25 And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
26 And if McSinnon has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand,
but his end has come. 27 But no one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder
his camera gear without first tying up the strong man; then indeed the house can
be stolen.

28 “Truly I tell you, people will be forgiven for their camera sins and whatever blasphemies
they utter; 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Distortion can never have forgiveness,
but is guilty of an eternal chromatic aberration”— 30 for they had said, “He has an unclean distortion.”
.

31 Then his mother and his brothers came; and standing outside, they sent to
him and called him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him; and they said to him,
“Your mother and your brothers and sisters are outside, asking for you.” 33
And he replied, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” 34 And looking at those
who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 35 Whoever
does the will of Optika is my brother and sister and mother.”