#transdome

1 messages · Page 25 of 1

tropic zenith
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HOLY SHIT CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

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also march 12 is the day my therapist is gonna make me come out to my parents in person so i’m starting my transition that day!!!!11!!

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AND ITS UR BIRTHDAY HOW MANY TRANS PPL EVENTS ARE HAPPENING ON MARCH 12😭😭😭😭

glossy dagger
glossy dagger
tropic zenith
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I KNOWWWWW

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im so excited

glossy dagger
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YIPPPPIIIEEEEE

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IM HAPPY

tropic zenith
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and i know they’re gonna b supportive too cause my parents are both very left leaning ppl

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one thing though gotta love when my ocd starts asking me “bUt WhAt If YoUrE wRoNg!!!!” like bitch no if i was cis i wouldn’t be terrified of being cis and constantly try to prove my fears wrong because I WANT TO BE A GIRL AND ANXIETY IS NOT STOPPING ME!!!! sorry 4 yap

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ocd fucking sucks

winter comet
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amen

tropic zenith
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idk how i can be the same girl who gets dysphoric at her voice and wore dresses at her friends house as a kid and hates being called a guy and somehow be “lying to myself” like shut the fuck up

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tbh i think the fear of it “being a phase” is a universal trans experience

tropic zenith
tropic zenith
winter comet
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yes

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it's like ten times worse when u have ocd too

tropic zenith
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okay i thought so

winter comet
tropic zenith
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LITERALLY I HATE MY OCD SO FUCKING MUCH

molten kite
tropic zenith
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like im fully certain that im trans but the ocd likes to make up magical bullshit and fuck with my head sending me into a panic attack of “OHGODOHGODOHGOD WHAT IF IM WRONG”

tropic zenith
winter comet
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my self doubt as a teen was made worse by those internet pockets of transmed people on tumblr and shit too
not bc i'm super gnc and got targeted directly by them but because they're so shitty and self-destructive that even the most traditionally masc trans guy would doubt himself around them long enough

molten kite
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i think the main problem rn is that im kinda split between two words

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because im out to my parents and friends but i dont have the money to socially transition really

tropic zenith
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im coming out on march 12 to my parents, my therapist is gonna make me do it in person so im starting my transition then

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i have waited so fucking long i can’t wait any longer

molten kite
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my parents also aren't using my new name right now and im hoping to talk to them ab it the next time i go home

tropic zenith
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i turn 18 in August too so i can start my medical transition then

winter comet
tropic zenith
tropic zenith
molten kite
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idk i had initially told my mom to use my deadname until my dad found out but now i want them to get used to my new name

winter comet
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my bf had the money and familial support but he came out in his teens so he had to do all that jumping through hoops psych bullshit to get access to hrt

molten kite
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yeah

tropic zenith
molten kite
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fortunately im talking to my gp in march so i should get hrt soon enough

winter comet
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i had familial support but no money and at the time i would have also had to do a lot of that stuff since i was very much a minor

molten kite
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idk if ill get much support outside of medical stuff but ill see what my mom does when im home

tropic zenith
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im gonna get the craziest fucking glow up this spring dude

winter comet
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but i've been old enough to transition without parental consent for years now i just haven't had a good stable income

molten kite
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^

tropic zenith
winter comet
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i also couldn't access an endocrinologist

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they were never taking any new patients

molten kite
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im lucky to be in school so i can get free therapy

tropic zenith
molten kite
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im starting group therapy soon which should be good

winter comet
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growing up low middle class is very fun

tropic zenith
winter comet
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my bf actually has not been on t for over a year now bc getting appointments with gender care doctors takes too much time and hassle so he just stopped

molten kite
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damn

tropic zenith
winter comet
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i didn't luck out with either

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whaddayagonnado

tropic zenith
molten kite
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i wish i could ask my friends to let me borrow their makeup or something but it feels bad depending on them for that

winter comet
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now that i live on my own and am in a blue state i will try to get the ball rolling on hrt but it's gonna be kind of tough to iron out bc it's like
my documents at the moment i'm not gonna touch til they stop harassing trans people over birth certificates and passports but if i look a certain way on hrt and my shit is still listed as f and my birth name idk how that will shake out

molten kite
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god im so lucky to be in minnesota

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really good endo healthcare + a state that actually cares about me

tropic zenith
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which they’re already fucking over i guess

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regardless

winter comet
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that's been a thing since the country has been called the usa i fear

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also rn there are the ICE raids

tropic zenith
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lmao yeah

tropic zenith
molten kite
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its been fun trying to start voice training recently

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since i developed a cold right as i started

tropic zenith
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im getting good at it

tropic zenith
molten kite
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yeah it's been hard the past few days

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i think im getting the hang of it though

tropic zenith
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at least u can b excited 4 when u feel better and can do it even easier‼️‼️

molten kite
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def

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im on the tail end of it, a few more days and my voice will sound better

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my hope is to try out my new voice w my therapist

tropic zenith
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that’s what im getting rn

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im getting close

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YIPPEE

molten kite
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i just wish professional lessons werent like 500 bucks

tropic zenith
tropic zenith
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fucking price gouged💔

molten kite
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biggest problem rn is that i am NOT out to my roommates at all

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and im worried they'll hear me lol

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im not living with them next year but im kinda hoping to keep this under wraps until after i move out

bright oak
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what happened to all ur messages?

molten kite
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ill be fine i think

bright oak
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yeah😭

molten kite
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i remember we were talking about alcohol and i mentioned that my favorite cocktail was a cosmopolitan and my roommate says "what are you a woman?"

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and despite the fact that i didn't give a straight answer and just went "haha" he didn't question it further

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and ive worn some of my girl clothes in front of them

bright oak
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OH ok

winter comet
final heart
winter comet
next mason
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awww thank u :D

next mason
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agent stone and robotnik are t4t and i will not elaborate.

true elm
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Being trans in the sonic universe seems quite a bit easier since they are fairly gender neutral

honest lake
winter comet
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well jim carrey is a little old but lee majdoub not really

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not that the actors ages matter for the characters

next mason
next mason
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but yeah stone and robotnik are everything to me

last pilot
next harbor
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pov

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my iud improved my quality of life as someone fitting into the transmasc category. No more time of the month and it's a great temporary solution, as most insurance companies cover them within the effective span of time

winter comet
winter comet
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i also want my tubes tied before i consider a hysterectomy but i know that does not stop periods which im fine w

next harbor
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Yeahhh it's just like I really didn't know how inconvenient it was and how much of it was just dysphoria for me. The secret to getting an IUD inserted is that you have been through worse pain, literally

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Most nurses know it's gonna be how it's gonna be and y'all will be working together, if u think about it

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Plus! You can prepare for it by taking a high painkiller dose, as is usually recommended

winter comet
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i have a pretty good pain tolerance but getting a pap smear was the only time id been to a doctor and physically had a reaction to the discomfort of a procedure
i think its kinda fucked they dont give you pain management themselves
i know insurance also gets in the way of all this shit bc pain stuff is coded separately probably but it also gives off a Certain Vibe that its not standard practice

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its one of those things where i know with the way medical stuff works it's that way logically but it doesn't have to be

next harbor
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(they also do or can give you pain management there, but one is for in-advance! Still totally fucked)

glossy dagger
paper totem
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its so funny getting lab results back for hrt shit

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like wow my value there sure is WAY out of the reference range! it sure is a shame that that is in fact what i wanted

grand hearth
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I didn’t get any pain meds for my IUD in which they suggested I do my first Pap smear at the same time 😊

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If you ever get an IUD, ASK IF ITS POSSIBLE TO HAVE ANY KIND OF PAIN MEDICATION FOR IT

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Because something tells me they don’t offer it by default.

winter comet
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thats genuinely the majority of anecdotes i hear. like they dont offer it up front as a hard rule its case by case if youre lucky to see someone compassionate about uterine health

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that fuckin sucks

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also pap smear with an iud with no pain meds is crazy

winter comet
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also i dont wanna scare anyone else w the anatomy needed for pap smears bc theyre very important to get done and shouldnt be avoided
like they're generally bearable but im not gonna lie they Are uncomfy even without a dysphoria undercurrent and finding compassionate gyno care is very important
i was super fortunate to have my first one done by a trans informed obgyn that asked me every step of the way if i was comfortable and offered options to me

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yeah she was awesome
too bad i moved but she did say she knew doctors in my area now

grand hearth
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Yeah I literally went pale during that visit 🫠

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Not going back to that office if I don’t need to.

winter comet
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shitty ass docs

grand hearth
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I’m getting firsthand experience how not to be one 🙂

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And by god. I have so much

winter comet
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yeah unfortunately people who practice science based medicine don't defeat bias by the virtue of science alone. there's societal influence and ego to overcome too

winter comet
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people always try to use science as a justification for bigotry like the classic "basic biology" talking point against transness and its like surprise asshole! people can still frame science in a way to suit their agenda bc you have to convey science using words and words are very implication based and easy to construe a very certain way

final heart
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Science is the logical process of solving problems , the big existential questions , etc - religion and or spirituality is also trying to answer the same questions from an emotional, psychological perspective

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I’ve kept myself going through this time of turbulence by meditating

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it’s unfortunate how religion really tainted the concepts of spirituality in a lot of people’s eyes , because I’m not religious - I was baptized in the catholic faith mind you (no longer practicing) - but I at least try to take the time to acknowledge the weight of existence as a whole and my journey as a person in the big picture ways

sudden zephyr
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I dunno bout all this rambling but my father has been getting onto his girlfriend of calling me a boy 😭 I find it a bit funny

final heart
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Assuming it’s like

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Affirming

sudden zephyr
final heart
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I had two really broken men for dads it’s always nice to see actual good fathers

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It feels kinda less common unfortunately

sudden zephyr
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I didn't say he was good but he's alright

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Has plenty of fuck ups but I try to look pass it

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either way better then most fortunately for me

final heart
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Yeah

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I’m sorta that way with my mom but it’s just the nature of our environment amplifying things

sudden zephyr
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Ah yeah

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My mom was cool too

golden plover
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This may be a dumb question...

But is there a way to grow breasts while preserving fertility?

sturdy sluice
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i think that there are options for HRT while preserving fertility, including options outside of just preserving a specimen or whatever, but that is certainly something you should discuss with a doctor when or if u want to do HRT. outside of HRT, implants are a thing

next harbor
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Y'all my endocrinologist is so fucking cool. Actively doing everything she can for her trans patients and it's super clear. She's also gonna try to get my insurance company to give me t gel instead of the usual

grand hearth
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it’s just an aldosterone inhibitor, and a “side effect” is breast growth, so it’s used often to promote breast growth in MtF individuals

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Idk about fertility wise but I don’t think it has an overly significant effect

sudden zephyr
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Feeling incredibly feminine today 😎

sudden zephyr
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Always remember self love is good lol I didn't really think it did much for me but kinda started focusing on it a lil bit more and it lifted my mood up alot when I was insecure bout my looks

next harbor
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I always logic it out like this:

I fucking love being trans, and I really, really love trans people, so unfortunately that means I have to love myself

frozen breach
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i have the really horrible skill of being able to hold myself to way higher standards than i would ever dream of holding another person to without experiencing enough cognitive dissonance to stop the negative self-talk, but i'm trying to work on not hating myself for being trans because "it's only bad when i do it" is such an irrational stance to have on. well basically anything. but this in particular

winter comet
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i don't love being trans but i sure as hell like it more than the alternative

misty harness
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as much as I'd like to, I really cannot relate with loving being trans. it sucks in so many ways. there are a lot of positives but the negatives are oppressively heavy sometimes. I do this because I have to not because I want to, ya know?

frozen breach
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yeah i wouldn't say i love being trans necessarily on a personal level, because it's fucking hard and it's made my life harder and worse in a lot of ways. i do find a sort of beauty in transness and in transitioning though, in the same way that i find beauty in most forms of self-actualization

misty harness
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yeah exactly

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sometimes I feel pressured to act like being trans is Great Actually because acknowledging that it sucks most of the time is perceived as being too pessimistic or doomer or whatever

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but I also get that framing it this way is how some people cope with the things that suck

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so idk, transness and feelings about it aren't uniform

next harbor
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They're as dynamic as trans people, themselves :>

winter comet
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i dont experience it and i dont think i ever will. but that doesnt mean its not real and its not great for people who do but the amount of pushback i get where people try to compensate for me is kinda just like
idk what to tell u

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it's just me rowing my boat up the stupid river we call life
isn't it enough that i'm not sinking

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do i gotta sing a little shanty too

misty harness
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so real

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lmao

winter comet
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im also old in terms of being out as trans so nothing is novel to me personally anymore i could wake up with a testosterone dominant system and a baritone voice and id just be like wow finally. that's correct. anyway
i would like to have joy and whinsy around the act of Becoming but idk i dont have it in me
i dont have a pessimist and cynical outlook, i just also dont have a super joyous one

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and i think thats ok

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im not bringing people down
i am there to prop them up still

misty harness
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same, I'm super happy seeing others take joy in everything, and I wish I felt the same

winter comet
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ive never been a super jump for joy type person publicly anyway

misty harness
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I just don't wanna think about it though, I wanna be able to focus on other things and not have this taking so much time and energy, but I gotta do it

winter comet
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i hate thinking about the bureaucratic hoops and the financials of transition so much
i wish transition was free in the states

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especially rn with these bullying and scare tactics

final heart
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I’ve known I’m trans since may of 2023 and I’ve finally started hrt this year, even with the awful awful shit going on for trans people in the us I’ve felt happier. There are definitely moments of pure joy but mostly it’s just major self care and self esteem improvements exponentially growing because my psyche and physical feels more in tune with me, my soul , etc

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It just feels right

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I don’t think I’d be able to get through these awful times without hrt honestly

winter comet
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i genuinely love that for everyone who is able to access it

final heart
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It’s also terrifying to be myself but i cannot force myself to be anything else anymore

misty harness
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yeah, I'm significantly happier than I was pre transition! it's just the things that bring me joy are at most indirectly related to being trans

winter comet
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ive been out as trans since early 2014 and not on hrt yet but i am now in a blue state
the hurdle will be money and finding consistent access to docs

next harbor
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Yeah idk I'm not going to be on medicaid soon and that fucks me up every time I'm reminded

winter comet
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i have to marry if i want insurance hwandstand

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i was gonna marry anyway

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but yea

next harbor
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Yeah same it's so suck

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Well I mean about the marriage thing

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I hate fitting into someone else's shitty little boxes tho and this sorta sends me away from marriage a lot

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Cuz it would have to be between a man n a woman and no one wants that

winter comet
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my bf and i are both trans men so no matter your beliefs we're gay

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our marriage will be seen as Gay Marriage ™️

next harbor
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this is fantastic news for us

winter comet
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which is also kinda why we want to do it soon
so we can have the acknowledgement of us being married on paper in case anything happens and one of us has to use our Spousal Rights to see the other

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also hard topic change and not like directly relative about transness but also kind of
i got my hair cut yesterday and idk if this is just a cut that needs to grow a little or the stylist was not used to cutting thicker asian hair but i don't like the cut very much and i feel more upset w this than when i had longer hair that made everyone think i was feminine

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it looks fuckin dorky

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i should have booked an east asian stylist and waited a couple days

next harbor
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:((( aw man that sucks so bad

winter comet
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the biggest thing to consider w hair is the texture and i looked for references where the people had similar texture to me but i think the stylist just cut my hair as if it were very fine hair and that makes it so instead of natural layers it looks choppy

next harbor
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Some places offer a re-do if you call and ask

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Idk it might be free vs going somewhere else is the thing

winter comet
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they do offer them but i dont know if it'd be the same stylist which id like to avoid and theres already a lot of hair chopped off so im just gonna grow it and go to a new one next time

next harbor
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Ya you can usually get a different stylist !

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No one usually bats an eye, either. Shit happens

golden plover
glossy dagger
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dysphoria

winter comet
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man
not making light of this i just dont wanna get too real and grave
but i think we all deserve laser vision to kill transphobes with

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at this point

grand hearth
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Did my shot :)

winter comet
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every shot of E and T makes a transphobe more pathetic

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i might have to conspire w a coworker to block another coworker from getting a managerial position bc hes transphobic to my coworker behind her back

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among other things to other people

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we might have to play it slow to get him in bigger trouble but he's in no position to be a manager if he can't at the very fucking least keep his bigotry in his head and not spewing out of his mouth

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i do not wanna seem like a Male Feminist ™️ type beat or patronizing like trans women can't defend themselves but it really fuckin gets my goat even more that he feels free to be transphobic about a trans woman to other people at work like id be going to bat for any trans coworker regardless of gender but this is peak fragile cis masculinity bullshit
he doesnt have as much comfort shit talking me and i just dont think thats a coincidence

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anyway not to bring the vibe down i will update yall if any victories come out of this tho

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and make sure to show up for your fellow trans ppl if you are in a better position to do so like i am in this situation

frozen breach
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god, yeah. this happened not even a two hour drive away from where my family and i live, and it's been all over the local news. i don't know many details (i'm trying my best to fight off the morbid curiosity), but even with the little i know now it sounds pretty horrifying. definitely very triggering, and i'm very grateful to be at college out of state right now rather than an hour and a half away from where this all went down.

frozen breach
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good luck w/ that situation and i hope you're able to prevent this dickhead from being empowered in his transphobia by being promoted

winter comet
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thank you

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the sitch is he's very oddly comfy dogwhistling to a coworker of mine who is not right wing at all and she doesn't push back atm because she's trying to get dirt on him
he has yet to get political with me probably bc i smell like pronouns (im not closeted at work but i havent directly said im trans it's a iykyk situation vs my other coworker who formally came out in email) im not gonna make a big stink immediately or else he will take his bullshit elsewhere to other coworkers instead
but he will feel the consequences

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i do not know if hr will meaningfully care about the transphobia but hes always whaling on her when shes not around and i think this is grounds for something

last pilot
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idk if thats just me but I have been feeling pretty unmotivated to draw since I started t. I have been drawing for years without any problem but now it seems like such struggle for some reason. anyone else experienced something like this? (Could be totally unrelated to t for all I know)

grand hearth
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ngl if anything T actually brought me back into drawing

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Motivation ebbs and flows

Sometimes you don’t feel like drawing for a while and that’s ok, you can’t force it

bronze ocean
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cause my first thought about how it could be related is just your body adjusting to changes

last pilot
bronze ocean
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ah it might be playing a role!

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keep in mind its also winter and not just winter it's also february, the bleakest month

last pilot
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it just gets pretty frustrating ig mamamia

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Ah got ya,

grand hearth
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I hate winter!!!!!!

bronze ocean
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i know it's hard but i feel like getting frustrated over not being able to do it will just make you feel even worse about it

grand hearth
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yeah you really gotta be kind to urself

I’m having to learn this the hard way

misty harness
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getting too anxious about "I should be creating" is a great way to kill your motivation so if you don't feel like drawing then don't, focus on another hobby for a bit

last pilot
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changing the media helps, had to move back to drawing on my laptop cuz I could not get myself to draw on my iPad. sketching on physical paper too,

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nah it’s just that entry exams to art universities are pretty close and I’m getting kinda anxious about it, cuz like, if I don’t like creating now, why would I like it in few months, but that’s more of a mental thing

jagged quiver
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this might sound dumb but i wish transitioning was something u cld flip back and forward between

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like be a man when im around family or some shit then switch back

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LMAO

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the main thing holding me back from transitioning is the fear of how permanent it is

scenic falcon
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same

misty harness
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gender fluidity is a thing

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you can do whatever you want to

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the only things that are permanent are some of the medical aspects, but not all effects of hrt are permanent

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many many trans and nb people never engage in medical transition for tons of reasons

winter comet
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if u havent i would look for a lot of anecdotes by people on E or have had other gender affirming care
if breast growth is a concern there usually is a window of time before it becomes noticeable and it also depends on stuff like body weight etc
for other aspects regarding downstairs reading forums and stuff full of anecdotes from transfems on hrt can help too
there are probably even spaces run by people who boymode/are closeted but are on E to read up on
i cant really directly link you to any but theres a suggestion

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and yeah theres no rush to medically transition if thats not something you feel absolutely sure on. its never too late and you never even have to to be trans

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i personally do plan on medically transitioning but i have been living as no-op due to financial reasons for a long ass time now (ive been out as trans since age 14 but knew for longer, am mid 20s now)
and all i know for myself is the permanency of transition is something that no longer factors in the negative for me
ive had more than enough time to think it out in my case

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if anything the fact that its permanent comforts me
my bf hasnt been on t for over a year and he's got his beard and low voice

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i say all that not to push against how u feel btw im just babbling lol

misty harness
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yeah the key to this is give yourself a bit of time and sit and think, experiment with clothes or other things first if possible to see how it makes you feel, and really consider why you're scared of the permanence. it's very different to be scared because of permanent loss of family, or becoming a target for conservatives, than it is to be scared that it's not for you

winter comet
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and id like to add everyone needs different amounts of time

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its a journey not a race

jagged quiver
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i still have like the baseline level of doubt i feel like most trans people have but its like ehh whatever

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like the level of doubt u have with anything like that

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lol

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mainly the first one really

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like dealing with my family thru that would be so rough

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esp when i have to stay w my parents when im not at college

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eugh

digital geyser
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my lecturer is openly trans and giving us a really trans lecture and i'm having a good time

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we did get hit with some content warned heavy stats but i feel so seen

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i think im one of the only trans people in the room

next harbor
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That u know of 👉👉

digital geyser
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i'm aware, even so most of my degree is very cis from my experience, even on explicitly queer modules

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like i fully had to be like "btw sophie (musician) was trans and that may influence the ways this song (faceshopping) discusses things like plastic surgery because insert description of trans surgeries here" in aformentioned module that is 50/50 feminist and queer theory

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a lot of people on lit degrees are cis women, not all obviously i have plenty of trans friends on my degree, but it's definitely a thing

digital geyser
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like when we are given the option to share our pronouns about 95% of the room will be using she/her (and while i’m sure some ppl could be closeted trans ppl of either direction, most arent gonna be). so it does often lead to me being the only openly visible trans person in the room

grand hearth
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It is very nice that I now regularly need to shave parts of my face

winter comet
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woe

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beard be upon ye

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or rather

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joy

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beard be upon ye

digital geyser
grand hearth
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Yeah it’s from T! I’ve been on it for over a year

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Since Sept. 2023

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YMMV but since I’m half Asian it takes longer for any facial hair to grow 💀 but I usually need to clean up my facial hair like once a week

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I’ve got a consistent mustache/goatee going on and the sides are growing in but a lot more slowly

sudden zephyr
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That's how it is for me as a amab lol

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I have to shave my legs like every three days or so cause the hair grows back so quickly

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Same with my sideburns 😭

molten kite
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It's a lot quicker

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Either that or a foil shaver

sudden zephyr
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I use to nair my legs but I got a rly bad chem burn lol

molten kite
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I got a chem burn on my fucking face and neck the only time I used nair

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Not tood

next harbor
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Wow yeah also I don't even remember nair working under ideal circumstances, esp for my trans femme friend with thicker body hair (this was maybe a decade ago tho they could've improved by now)

winter comet
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as someone who grew up a "hairy girl" and got bullied about it i once used nair and i had eczema prone skin so

next harbor
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a decent option for finding out if you have skin conditions

winter comet
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i wanna say nair is too strong for the facial skin

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it SHOULD be ok for legs and arms barring skin conditions but i think you have to use it in multiple passes if your body hair is very thick instead of all at once

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also anyone who likes removing their body hair: lightly. LIGHTLY exfoliate after shaving, it can help w ingrowns

#

i'm mostly referring to the body here

#

japanese scrub towels are good for this

#

i shower w japanese scrub towels in general, they're more hygienic than a loofah ball

next harbor
#

Exfoliating is key

winter comet
#

helps the skin feel a bit smoother too if that's what makes u happy

#

i personally would stay away from like, sugar scrubs unless you want ants

#

scrub towels last longer and can be thrown into the laundry

molten kite
#

New haircut is so good I'm going feral

hallow bronze
#

SAME

misty harness
#

having to come terms with the fact that my deadname will forever be public Rei_Sigh

frozen breach
#

wait ugh i hadn't thought about that before but yeah, my deadname is always gonna be out there lol

misty harness
#

it's listed on my imdb and mobygames entries as an 'aka' 🤢

frozen breach
#

oh evil

misty harness
#

bc the first couple commercial projects i worked on were credited under my deadname

frozen breach
#

the main example i can think of is that my dad's book has my deadname (along with my brother's name) in the dedication, and it's not like you can retroactively change paper copies of a book, lol

#

tbf it's an academic book on a very niche subject so it's not like millions of people own a book with my deadname in it, but still

#

oh yeah i was also on a podcast when i was like eleven i think and they said my deadname on there

#

and like. it's so fucking cool that i'm in a book dedication and that i went on a podcast! those are awesome things! i just wish they didn't have to be associated with a girl who doesn't exist anymore (or who never really existed)

misty harness
#

yeah, that's basically it. i want to be excited about proving to people i worked on stuff but i also have to reveal that to do so

last pilot
#

yall remember that one professor that outed me as trans without my permission to the whole class? yeah well.. my relationship with her is not doing any better. Last week we had our pitching presentations for our final, and the way she was talking to me made me feel like shit.

I don’t know why she would treat me like this. If it’s the fact im trans or just a bit more shy, it still doesn’t seem right to be treated like this. Idk who should I get in contact to report this. And at the same time, I don’t want to make the situation even worse. im pretty happy with the major im studying but she’s the only reason why i want to quit and im actually considering it after last week

#

and it’s not just me who is seeing this. some of my friends came up to me after the presentation and told me she has been treating me like shit

sudden zephyr
last pilot
sudden zephyr
grand hearth
#

Most institutions would (should) have some title ix specific team, student affairs, Human Resources, etc that you can discuss that with

digital geyser
#

posting this bc its vaguely relavant to smth i saw, i'm tired and hungry so not in great brain mood lol

#

i hope to change my name before i go into formal academia but trans academics published under their deadname do exist which i think makes me feel less worried

#

i think bo ruberg was also mentioned, the work we were reading used their deadname but our professor (who is also trans) has said to just call them by their current name and not mention the deadname in citations

winter comet
#

i think last time i saw one of william j martin's most popular novels is still published under an old name he used pretransition but i have no idea if he allows this intentionally or if its publishing fuckery

#

to be fair idk if this is considered a "deadname" of his or just a more ambiguous pen name bc i don't know when he came out in relation to the time those novels were published all i know is he uses a different name now

#

speaking of deadnames i feel like im kind of in a minority in my life where i dont consider my birth name a deadname and am uncomfortable when people call it that
this is not me pushing back on the term i think it sends a very clear message about how many trans people feel about their birth names and is useful

#

i just dont like the gravity it places on my experience with my birth name personally

#

the person i was when i was referred to by this name is not dead to me
the name itself is not dead to me because it was simply never my name, it was my grandmother's
even when i didn't have an inkling in my head and soul that i was trans it was simply just someone else's name tacked onto me
there's a weird intersection with ethnicity here too but it was simply just my birth name that i never resonated with and would have changed even if i continued living as a woman

tropic zenith
#

hey so

#

i just found out about the iowa civil rights removal act towards trans people

#

i live in iowa

#

i am a 17 year old trans girl

#

im beyond scared right now esp considering i come out and start my transition in 2 weeks

#

why do they want me gone

#

i dont understand

#

i just want to exist

bright oak
#

isnt that unconstitutional?? has it gone thru?

tropic zenith
#

it hasn’t gone through yet though

#

technically

#

the decision is tomorrow and there’s still hope it will get shut down

#

but it’s not looking good

#

i don’t deserve this

sudden zephyr
#

Nobody in Iowa deserves that in general

#

Anyway today my trans flag came in so that's kewl

tropic zenith
#

that’s a sentence i never thought id have to say

#

AT LEAST is hard

jagged quiver
#

ive yet to hang mine up but i took it to a protest one time

hallow bronze
#

My bf gifted me his trans flag when I went to his house :))

real meadow
#

i dont know what else to say but please stay safe. we are here for you always.

#

things have been horrifying for the trans community and this is no exception. we need to continue to fight against the fat cunt politicians who keep doing this to our community

digital geyser
#

yall ever just get in an argument with a cis person and realise that no matter what you say they will not listen to you

winter comet
#

generally i stop engaging before it becomes an argument atp ngl

#

some people arent ready to accept info

digital geyser
#

i explained in depth to someone in a tiktok comment section (ikik) why distinguishing trans men from men is ass in “i hate all men” and how i hate all men is more an expression of system issues than idivduals and then they just went “lol men suck so why do u want to be grouped in so bad”

#

which not only missed the point of what i said but also missed the point of the ORIGINAL VIDEO

digital geyser
digital geyser
misty harness
#

yeah it's just not worth it arguing online

digital geyser
#

yeah

#

sometimes i take people at good faith

#

almost never works out

misty harness
#

I used to do the same and then I realized how much mental energy I was putting into it

digital geyser
#

shouldve learned from that one time i had an argument on twitter where i was assuming this person was in good faith until they dropped that they essneitally do not see trans ppl as their actual gender and i was like these are fundamentally different perspectives we’re arguing rn

#

(it was a debate on misgendering trans ppl u dont like)

digital geyser
#

i really shoultve just ignored the og comment but argh

#

it was literallly just a ? and a cryiing emoji and i thought maybe i could clarify what i meant

#

no

#

lol

#

cis people will be allies until trans people tell them that their allyship isn’t really helping us lol

misty harness
#

the conversations that actually change people's minds tend to be among people they already trust

#

it's best to focus your efforts on the people immediately around you

digital geyser
#

the people immediately around me are mostly either trans or my terf parents who i cant argue with💀 (but genuinely good advice ty)

#

i do rlly need to avoid the trap of an argument gah

#

i shouldve stopped replying the moment i first got whiffs they were not engaging with me in good faith, but idk im not good at trusting my judgement bc of my autism

#

also it just proves lgb people will be allies until u say smth that actively challenges how they view transness

#

trans men are men until you emphasise the men rather than the trans to someone

glossy dagger
#

my new water bottle 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

6D20AB48-E7EB-44E1-B664-7D929D93315E.jpg
digital geyser
#

fuck yeahah

#

big hidration

glossy dagger
#

2L

digital geyser
#

fuck. yeaah

glossy dagger
#

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

digital geyser
#

how heavy is it

winter comet
#

figure it out or die is just what my attitude is these days

#

(not actually advocating violence against people its like a fix your hearts or die energy)

#

like a Then Perish type philosophy

glossy dagger
digital geyser
#

i think i take basically everyone i meet as like good until proven not which isnt rlly the right attitude but i just want to believe the best in people yk

#

its prolly an autism thing i’m bad at hiding when i dont like someone

winter comet
#

i dont know that it's bad tbh

#

i think a lot of people take others as guilty until proven not

#

i personally just take people as they are but its not a sin to have hope in the world

frozen breach
#

this is so hugely important imo. much of the conversation i see online about transmasc invisibility is about the innocuous or even beneficial ways that it presents (e.g. people assuming trans men are closeted trans women when they say they're trans, trans men not being the target of the same kind of demonizing smear campaign that trans women have against them, etc) but i don't often see people acknowledge the ways that invisibility harms us and perpetuates itself. i'd honestly argue that it's impossible to compare statistics regarding violence and hate crimes against trans men and trans women as it stands right now, because there's just not enough data on trans men due to the phenomenon this post describes.

#

(to be clear, none of what i've said here is me trying to downplay the horrors of transmisogyny, and trans people outside the gender binary also experience unique forms of bigotry that i don't personally feel qualified to speak on due to not having that as my experience; this is more of a "yes and" to that rather than a "trans men have it worse than anyone else" because i do not believe that)

#

this is a great article i read a while back about the third gendering or degendering of trans women in comparison to the regendering of trans men (in the article this is used to mean the systemic effort to force us back into womanhood, but i'd argue a similar principle applies to those who act like trans men automatically experience the same level of privilege as cis men and are easily able to assimilate with cis masculinity): https://taliabhattwrites.substack.com/p/degendering-and-regendering

Degendering and Regendering

There is an asymmetry inherent to transphobia, due to the patriarchal ideology of sex.

#

sorry im kind of just rambling into the void here lol, i have a lot of thoughts about this topic and i find it fascinating to discuss

digital geyser
#

also i pointed out in the thread trans men can still be yk #men and while we do also understand and experience misogyny that doesn’t inherently mean we’re going to be safe to be around. i’ve never met a trans man like that but they are a thing

#

we can still harbour the attitudes that i hate men is targeting, even tho i dont like the prevalence of anti man stuff in queer spaces

#

somekne else has now started a fight in reply to me so that’s grand. they assumed my og statement was me talking about trans men being lesbians and like no i am not crazy enough to start that debate on tiktok dear god

#

i’ve replied to them to clarify and then will probably leave it lol

#

the fight is mostly them and another user anyway

#

im just getting all the notification

#

s

digital geyser
#

we won!!! they actually responded that they got what i was saying when i clarified

viral lake
#

halloo

sudden zephyr
#

I think I'm starting to look feminine much more! Someone thought I was a woman lol

winter comet
#

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nuk2DJTLV_Y& not just about transness obviously but i feel like the best convos about queerness are in here lol

YouTube
matt bernstein
Annoying Gays are Not the Problem

Autistic nonbinary TikTokers. Loud, flamboyant gay men. The twink who filmed himself having seGGS in the Senate hearing room. Are gay rights being eroded across the country because some of us are… annoying? It’s tempting to think so, but it isn’t true. Sadly, we can never Blaire White-ify or Pete Buttigieg-ify ourselves to freedom.

Support me o...

▶ Play video
#

also i was not expecting devon price to be here

sudden zephyr
winter comet
#

literally anyone who fits stereotypes both from within the community and outside of it, people who are very vocal, people who are weird and hard to parse by cishet standards

#

i see queer people on the internet using stereotypes as a bad thing and not a little self referential joke against each other all the time and its like for one, you likely fit a stereotype too because no one is all that unique and we're marginalized so every single thing will be used against us as a defining trait so let's not even go there. for two, who fucking cares, and for three a person named arson that uses neopronouns is not the enemy go log off

sudden zephyr
#

Aah I see I'm not one to be apart of community because here transdome is probably the first place where I have learned a lot about the subject before then I only really dealt with just knowing dysphoria either way I'll check out the video when I am home and I don't see gay stereotypes as a bad thing too often unless it's like someone trying to be an asshole about it

#

Cause I joke with me being gay and trans alot with my family;-; and they joke back

winter comet
#

for example someone goes "at least im not one of those trans guys that names himself after a video game character" okay but also you're probably one of those trans men that does another xyz harmless thing associated with trans men. like you probably wear flannels or have an undercut
so wat
who is harmed

#

also yeah theres a difference between playing on stereotypes in a consensual manner and using them to harm or alienate
i joke about myself all the time but only with people i know don't see my traits as something to feel superior over

sudden zephyr
winter comet
#

honestly if i ever met a tboy named sonic or cloud i would celebrate him

sudden zephyr
#

my trans ex went by Alyx from uhh half life

winter comet
#

i used to go by noctis but it was a screen name and not anything i intended to use offline

sudden zephyr
#

My name just means little girl I think

#

I liked the way it sounded and it was fitting imo

winter comet
#

my middle name is from a video game but you can't really tell bc its also a conventional masc name

sudden zephyr
#

I don't know it

winter comet
#

first name was just bc it sounded cool

#

i keep my real name private

sudden zephyr
#

ohhh okay

#

Wait so you've changed from the name you were given at birth?

winter comet
#

not legally

sudden zephyr
#

aah okay I see

winter comet
#

i was going to but i couldnt afford the name change
and then trump took office AFTER i had saved enough money

sudden zephyr
#

I see

#

I don't care much about politics so I don't know much about the whole situation with the trans side of it

#

I just heard when it was happening that he'll "oppress gays and trans people"

#

plays the video of him motorboating a drag

winter comet
#

we're already oppressed he's just making it much worse and using extensive fear tactics both on us to make us shut up and hide and on cis people to make them fear us

#

i can still change my name but it might cause issues on my birth certificate and passport if i want to travel because it's a masc name and i look like a cis woman to the majority of people

#

and changing the gender markers on documents has been a whole fucking ordeal since the administration change

#

if my marker is still F it should be ok but if im updating my fuckin driver's license itd be nice to do it all in one go

digital geyser
#

i am about as stereotypical as it gets (colourful blue-ish (faded green but its turned blue) mullet, piercings, chubby, glasses, plant name etc) and i know a good chunk of why i am the way that i am and why i come off as "cringe" is because i'm autistic

#

i often feel very awkward in more neurotypical leaning queer spaces, a lot of neurotypical queer people ive known have been actively rude to me either to my face or more often behind my back

winter comet
#

like i joke about trans guys having certain names all the time as a transmasc that has a middle name that is getting increasingly popular in the trans community but i would never actually make fun of someone's chosen name because it's not my name and i don't know the story behind why someone chose it and even if i did and it's not some grand journey and they just like it it's still not my name
it should not matter 2 me

#

there are some freaky deaky names ive seen in my day but the difference between someone being born named mickynlynn and someone choosing that name is there is an exercise in self determination and agency and that got nothing to do w me as a mere witness to it

winter comet
#

like me being a dude w a dude™️ name? groundbreaking

#

theres this weird push for people to want to be unique in an elitist way

#

there are 8 billion of us on this planet
everything is already taken
just do whatever u fucking want

#

be basic
be weird
it's all disco

#

oh i did not notice my link was timestamped lol

#

that was unintentional

#

and god yeah the discomfort being conflated with harm is such a cycle with us in the community
people saying me using it/its is overall harming the community bc they have not reconciled with their own personal trauma when i use it/its because i have reconciled with my trauma around being directly called it multiple times in life

#

i am compassionate to those who are uncomfortable with the concept but at the end of the day you can't weaponize against it

winter comet
#

its ok dw

digital geyser
#

i think part of this crusade against "cringe" queer ppl is definitely an online thing, having said that most of the issues around me feeling ostracised as an autistic person happened irl. but like they aren't saying it to my face most of the time and like eh if ur gossiping behind my back bc u think i'm annoying or cringe or whatever that says more about you than me

#

especially nowadays given i'm in uni. i'm 20. when i was 15 i'd expect this kinda behaviour but like eh. i follow a uni confessions page out of curiosity and you wont believe the kinda stuff people put on there

#

ultimately it doesnt matter what kind of gay or trans you are, the people who hate us hate all of us

digital geyser
#

i could theoretically keep my deadname and most people not immediately read me as a girl it's rare enough, i just associate it with being seen as a girl

#

also also even funnier my gf’s name is their birth name and it is so goddamn stereotypically nonbinary and like its just cuz they have a cool mum who went yeah i’m going to cook. cis people can be called this stuff too

#

i love their mum she's such an ally its so refreshing in comparison to my parents

#

like i was talking about how my parents see me as cis and she was just like "i'm sorry but how" (and she meant that positively)

#

she has always been rlly consistent in calling me their boyfriend as well which is lovely

paper totem
#

i can say personally that your first point is a good 75% of the appeal to me

#

:P

final heart
#

Been on hrt for two months now and its funny how it’s both a huge fear of mine, losing access, but simultaneously it’s made me more emotionally aware and in love with myself WHICH has made this stress livable

winter comet
#

may you have many many more months of hrt ahead of you kedamaparty

final heart
grand hearth
#

watched episode of GITS while taking my shot yesterday

#

peak transgender activities

final heart
#

Back starting to hurt a bit because of breast growth lmfao

jagged quiver
winter comet
#

i have heard a lot of anecdotes of people having back pain from having large chests and i have not noticeably experienced that but how do i know. when i get top surgery will i feel the solely physical relief of less weight

grand hearth
frozen breach
winter comet
#

i have had bad tboy hunch from before i even had boobs

frozen breach
#

lowkey same yeah

#

i've always had bad posture lol, boobs just made it worse

winter comet
#

my ribs are fucked from binding tho if i could just remove the nerves near my ribs thatd be great

frozen breach
#

reallllll

winter comet
#

that one will probably never go away

frozen breach
#

tbh as agonizing as the dysphoria was i'm glad i essentially stopped binding for the year or so before top surgery

#

i was just so done

winter comet
#

i also dont bind or wear any kind of chest garment except for special occasions bc i dont fuckin care anymore i will start laser blasting people

#

you cant catch me in a sports bra
my ribs cannot take it

frozen breach
frozen breach
winter comet
#

shout out to mfs who can use trans tape im genuinely happy for them

#

my skin hated it

frozen breach
#

god yeah trans tape did NOT work for me at all

winter comet
#

i had a rash

frozen breach
#

my skin hated it and it didn't even really flatten my chest at all so just not even a little bit worth it

#

i know one guy who uses it and he's a twink with small b cups and doesn't have sensitive skin, so like the ideal transtape customer lol

winter comet
#

honestly if i had like a cups i wouldnt bother id just put on a sports bra and wear big clothes and thatd be the end of it
thats not to minimize any dysphoria or transition goals of people with a cups btw
thats just ME

#

known lazy ass who likes comfort above everything else in this earth

final heart
#

I probably have a few undiagnosed physical health issues so I’m kind of used to pain and physical discomfort which probably isn’t normal

#

Explains why I didn’t pass out in the ||infamous Ena glass door incident of 2023||

grand hearth
#

Shaving day shaving day

jagged quiver
molten kite
grand hearth
#

it’s nice having a reason to shave my face now that I’m growing facial hair

#

but I only really trim parts under my jaw because I don’t want a neckbeard

jagged quiver
grand hearth
#

lmao

#

I let everything grow out in general. But I have to make sure my facial hair is properly trimmed otherwise I look very unkempt for now

jagged quiver
#

u shall be gifted with luscious viking beard in time 🙏

sudden zephyr
#

What do you guys think of the term "Woman-Passing" i seen it online and I felt weird Abt it 😭😭

opal dock
#

Honestly the chronically online /tttt vocabulary fills with me with an aneurysmic rage

#

I try to think I'm being too much of a knee jerk

#

Online circles can be a safe space and their vocabulary can be a way to express gender and expression in ways that would be difficult in the real world

#

But

#

Hearing the terms twinkhon and luckshit makes me want to scream

#

I have no place to be the queer police

#

But I can't see it any other way than just being incredibly reductive

#

Or I just see it as a consequence of toxic ingroups that create an echo chamber of self deprication

#

Maybe I can be convinced otherwise though

next harbor
#

Yeah also it's like, imo just another way ppl are trying to cope with their shortcomings in terms of how they feel about the binary and its grip on even younger groups. It's one thing to want to be seen as a woman, another to ask what that really means for you and where that comes from inside. Also idk fuck people shitting on anyone's journey, even their own. It feels vastly unhelpful and in a lot of ways reinforces the cycle of pain and general suffering usually associated with the trans experience ||(I am not immune)||

misty harness
#

shockingly, 4chan's consequences on literally any community it touches are horrible

winter comet
winter comet
bronze ocean
#

and then on top of that also just how people talk about passing in general but that's like it's own can of worms

winter comet
#

real
literally no one passes as a woman or a man to transvestigators lmao

#

and passing can often be a safety thing but again ive seen cis people be antagonized for "being trans" even though theyre not so how safe is it really
i think a lot of trans people still have a lot of cisnormativity to let go of including me when it comes to transitioning and self expression

#

like im not a passing man but that's not my obligation or responsibility
i am assumed to be a woman

final heart
#

literally i just want to be perceived as trans / genderqueer than cis passing . i just don’t want to be a man

#

i went to a diy show this weekend. and i didn’t care to do anything with my fit besides comfort and practicality. it was a pretty gender neutral fit too. and like 3 girls misgendered a few times me and I had to correct them 3 times in a row before they heard me . i was getting the venue’s fire pit going, and i always get annoyed when things i take pride in are perceived as masculine interests??

#

can people just use they as a baseline.

#

and then go from there?

glossy dagger
winter comet
#

it means people think just by looking at you that you're a cis woman instead of a trans woman which means pretty much nothing, because people keep trying through history to squeeze women into a tiny little box that they simply don't fit into

#

cis women can have beards and be hairy and have strong facial features and be tall and cis men can have all of the reverse
people trying to whittle human gender and sex down into two neat categories based on characteristics are just going to keep going to the point they won't fit their own stupid agenda either

#

i also need trans people to stop using amab/afab as a short hand for a Type of person

#

i see a lot of young nb people using it to describe themselves and im like okay but that doesnt mean anything unless you want me to assume a Lot about you

#

"i cant grow a beard im afab"
cis women w pcos and transmascs who either have pcos or are on t etc.: SHstand

magic verge
# winter comet i also need trans people to stop using amab/afab as a short hand for a Type of p...

whenever people bring up asab in conversations that don't warrant it it really throws me off lol. sometimes the people who do this end up reinforcing bioessentialism (like your example of not being able to grow facial hair as "an afab") or use it as a bludgeon against other trans people, often in transmisogynistic ways (e.g., "i have a better understanding of misogyny than you because i was afab and you were amab"). i also really don't like it when people use it as a noun, because that kind of phrasing makes it seem like your assigned sex at birth defines you when being trans is supposed to be the literal opposite of that bulborb

next harbor
#

yeah idk I've been so guilty of afab amab shit for too goddamn long and am actively working it out. It rly helps to think of it contextually, like "someone who was raised as or whose parents think is a girl" in a situation where talking about it is even relevant. anyone have any more tips on navigating that shift?

frozen breach
# magic verge whenever people bring up asab in conversations that don't warrant it it really t...

right the using amab/afab as nouns thing pisses me off so much, partially because i'm a little grammar nerd and i get upset that "an assigned (fe)male at birth" doesn't make much grammatical sense (i mean it can in certain contexts but it just sounds unnatural i guess), but also using it as a noun or using it in the present tense has the implication of one's assigned sex at birth being some core element of who they are which is such bullshit

magic verge
#

no i get the grammar thing too because i get the same way when people use "poc" as an adjective 😭

frozen breach
# next harbor yeah idk I've been so guilty of afab amab shit for too goddamn long and am activ...

i think the language i choose to use depends on what the conversation is about, and there's almost always a more specific and less bioessentialist phrasing that can be used. like in a medical context one could replace amab/afab with something more situationally specific ("people with ovaries" if you're discussing ovarian cancer, "people who produce small gametes/large gametes" if you're discussing fertility, "people with higher testosterone/estrogen" if you're discussing conditions where those hormones alter the risk factor, etc), which will often be clunkier and more clinical-sounding but also more accurate. when talking about how one was raised or (for lack of a better term) "socialization", i think it's more complicated because "growing up as a girl" and "growing up as a boy" can mean so many different things for different people, but if i'm talking about a specific experience i might say "i experienced [x] growing up because i was raised as a girl", which centers my personal experience more than something like "people who were raised as girls experience [x]" or something that projects my own experience onto others. tldr this shit is complicated and incredibly situational so there isn't a one size fits all answer (people think amab/afab terms are that answer but they really super aren't lol)

#

idk if any of this makes sense lol

magic verge
#

it does, it's pretty much the same answer i would give :) if it has to do with medicine/reproductive health, focusing on the specific topic being spoken about is kind of unwieldy but it's the most inclusive thing you can do. when it comes to social experiences, gendered expectations are incredibly impactful on people's lives but they mean different things for everybody, especially when you take into account things like cultural differences. the idea of "one true girlhood/boyhood" is incredibly silly and inevitably ends up delegitimizing somebody's lived experience

frozen breach
bronze ocean
#

like "amab" and "afab" don't really mean anything except a biomedical/legal procedure so using them as a blanket statement to infer some sort of essential characteristics about a person/people just ends up being the exact same as just saying "male" or "female"

#

sex is so fucking fake!!!!!

tropic zenith
winter comet
#

ironically despite a lot of the language being used in trans spaces its super ciscentric and exclusionary to intersex people

hallow bronze
#

if I'm not wrong the terms originated from intersex people to describe how they were forced into the binary at birth, but don't quote me on that

misty harness
#

every time we come up with a seemingly better term it ends up being repurposed to fit us back on the binary immediately

#

see also: 'socialized male/female' as a more subtle way to misgender someone by saying they don't act whatever enough

#

the woke semantics arms race or something idk

hallow bronze
#

"the woke semantics arms race" is a top 10 phrase of all time

frozen breach
# misty harness see also: 'socialized male/female' as a more subtle way to misgender someone by ...

this phrasing is subtly misgendering and also just... not accurate in a lot of cases i feel??? like i don't feel like i was "socialized" as a boy or a girl, i think i was socialized as a trans person. i was socialized as a girl who acted too much like a boy but also not enough like one at the same time. i was socialized as a kid who was gender non-conforming either in their presentation or their interests or their personality or their vague and intangible Vibe. and obviously the way that someone experiences gender as a little kid doesn't have to have bearing on their gender identity as an adult, but a lot of trans folks i've talked to relate to this idea of being "socialized trans" or of experiencing a unique sort of socialization (or lack thereof) because they were Doing Gender Wrong

#

on the other hand i've talked to other trans folks who very much feel like they grew up from a little boy into a woman or from a little girl into a man or from either one of those into any assortment of nonbinary genders, which i think is an angle that doesn't get discussed enough because it directly contradicts the whole "i knew since i was an infant" narrative that cis people love to fetishize and force onto us in order to justify our existence to themselves

grand hearth
#

I like to refer to my pre-transition self as The Pupa

#

idk that doesn’t add much sry

But I never felt raised as a girl in part because my parents were never overly stringent about how masc or femme I presented myself

more accurately I felt pigeonholed into the role of being a girl as a result of being AFAB and any suggestions that I should be more fem for any reason were very very upsetting for me

winter comet
#

i kind of feel like my childhood is sort of vaguely parallel but not the same as a cis gay boy who likes girly stuff but without the same kind of social punishment (i was always perceived as too masculine despite having girly interests)

digital geyser
#

i was homeschooled which had a huge impact on gender for me, even when i went to school i went to single sex ones. i had a sense of being a woman in a feminist way, but i dont think i ever actially perceived my gender it was more “oh my mum is a woman snd thats cool n shes proud of it i feel the same”

#

i was pretty gnc even as a kid. often boys trousers fit me better and boys shirts had the dinosaurs i liked so i’d wear them

#

i first cut my hair into a proper short cut at 9 :D

#

when i learnt about being trans it kinda never crossed my mind that i could be trans, like i knew trans ppl existed but i think i just never questioned why i couldnt be in that category

winter comet
#

i think a lot of us have the impression initially that its Rare to be trans and therefore unlikely we are trans ourselves esp if we have like, "traditionally feminine/masculine" interests that are societally aligned w the gender we are presenting as from childhood

final heart
#

Having a crush is way more enjoyable post HRT but also a lil terrifying

winter comet
hallow bronze
winter comet
#

just needed to pad my reasoning out a little

grand hearth
#

Name change court appearance today!

winter comet
winter comet
#

yes the iguy is a trans icon hes tguy

digital geyser
paper totem
#

i wasn't socialized in any way that matches a cisgender child's life because whether i knew it or not i have always been disconnected from that existence

grand hearth
#

Any time anyone would bring attention to my “being a girl” or femininity otherwise it would make me deeply uneasy

frozen breach
#

spending years trying to live up to a particular set of gender norms and perpetually failing and not being able to understand why will do some shit to you

winter comet
#

my mom didnt raise my sister and i all that gendered but my dad and people who werent my parents would criticize us for being too masculine or rowdy

jagged quiver
#

if u asked me back then i probably would have said i liked being a boy but i lowkey hated presenting myself in that way

#

i showed more signs of being like nonbinary as a kid i suppose my femininity is kind of a recent thing

#

i did cry one time as a kid bc my mom didnt let me paint my nails bc boys dont do that

#

lol

glossy dagger
#

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAYYYY

jagged quiver
#

YEA!!

jagged quiver
#

whatever.

next harbor
digital geyser
#

happy birthday!

final heart
grand hearth
#

Name is filed 😊 now I gotta do the paperwork for updating everything howareyoufeelinginpetoday

final heart
#

Scrolled through my Instagram post archive and I saw a pic of me before hrt and I’m super eurphoric

#

Only two months innnnn and i already love myself so much more

chrome snow
opaque frost
#

hey guys im moving to southern rural missouri soulless (1 1/2-2 hours out from my original STL metro area),, is there anyone in that area/formerly there that have any advice, tips, or general recommendations being visibly queer/trans!?

if current residents feel comfortable dming me so I can reveal my area more specifically (yk not broadcasting both our addresses to da server) and discussing location specific stuff please do!! im really trying to keep a levelhead and not be completely ignorant to the possible danger moving to a red state but also not trying to get super paranoid

#

and general tips from any red-state residents welcome as well !!

valid sun
#

if youre generally nice to people without quick judgement theyre more likely to warm up to you and accept you as queer, i live in texas and my town is purple (very mildly leaning blue) but i work in a generally red leaning industry outside of my music work. havent had an issue with it in terms of jobs. however theyre more likely to get along with you if you pass as male/female rather than gender nonconforming. dont be pushy but definitely correct people, just tell them it's what you prefer and use less "explosive" language such as "transgender/nonbinary/gender nonconforming" and more like "gender neutral/ftm/mtf" or saying "i transitioned" or "i prefer gender neutral language".. this is not at all a jab at anything, thats just my experience. i am fully legally stealth and pass as male and identify as transsexual, i live in texas. have faced offhand violence when i didnt pass and not when i did pass. never had issues at work disclosing im a transsexual, people ive told have either asked questions and accepted it or literally forgot 🤷‍♂️

pulsar mortar
#

I am scared for my future

#

im graduating in two years

#

and my parents are insanely homophobic

#

if i cant even get a tattoo as an adult away from them how am I going to transition

#

i fear i would be cast out and disowned but i love my family but i also want to be comfortable in my own skin

#

it brings me so much pain that people are just so heartless and horrible when it comes to things that they have no reason to have jurisdiction over

#

it is sickening

#

that people i put so much love and trust into could easily break that bond in half over some shitty heartless opinion

#

im sorry for basically venting but its such a big issue

digital geyser
#

i really do get that, i have experienced similar things before. this might sound blunt so i'm going to censor it but ||if your family can't love you regardless of who you become, they are failing at being a good family||

#

its a horrible existence though and i hope they don't end up kicking you out for being your truth

golden plover
#

.

A family shouldn't disown their children for expressing themselves.

#

.

Or making decisions over their own body.

grand hearth
#

throwback to when my parents threatened to disown me when I started IDing as nb and wanted them to use they/them pronouns for me 🫠

#

They came around eventually but
It sux

#

In hindsight I think that’s why I was extremely depressed my last semester of college lol. I did not wake up early and clean myself before class like I should, and my grades were fine but they were definitely not as good as they could’ve been. I felt very alone and unloved

grand hearth
# pulsar mortar im graduating in two years

From college or high school?

FWIW parents do come around when it’s their own kid. Like it doesn’t always happen, but when they get to know people close to them who are gay/trans they readjust, especially if it’s someone they love a lot like their children.

If you’re graduating and going to college soon, you can wait a bit until you’ve been there for a while. Sometimes the time+distance makes it a little easier to come out

#

College is also a good way to start like socially transitioning too

pulsar mortar
#

yeah graduating from high school

#

i think if i do come out ill wait like you said

digital geyser
frozen breach
#

i started socially transitioning in my last year of high school and it genuinely only started to feel worth it when i went to college

final heart
#

Ideally estrogen is feminizing as i hope. But part of me would also really like androgyny

#

If I could look like a member of anew wave band I’d be pretty stoked as well

IMG_2313.jpg
winter comet
#

honestly a really good vibe

final heart
#

I want to be ambiguous

#

(i need to accept im a nonbinary transfem)

winter comet
#

i feel that
i always say that functionally i'm nonbinary but i don't like. call myself that

#

which is funny bc the distinction is none

#

like i don't really rep the flag and if i had to describe my gender a lot of the time i kinda vaguely shrug and paste myself into the category of man but to be honest the binary has never been able to hold all of this freq

final heart
#

A lot of my desire to transition has been from a complete and utter spite for my experiences with masculinity

#

But then i also look back in retrospect

#

and I’m like

#

I was always genderqueer in some way I just didn’t realize it until like 2 years ago

#

I mean this was me in 2009 (like 3 years old) so the foreshadowing was there

IMG_0638.png
grand hearth
#

im transmasc nonbinary

but i'm not a man

i had to explain this to one of my classmates (ex-military older guy, actually super supportive) and he was like "i know what you mean! Sometimes I don't feel like I'm enough of a man too!" (paraphrased for context). I think it didn't help that I described myself as "not a man just some guy" lol

winter comet
#

i'm he in the way you call a dog you just met a he

final heart
#

I’m a girl but also not

#

I’m a girl with deep lore

grand hearth
#

i'm not a Man i'm a Man-Thing

winter comet
#

i'm a guy with terms and conditions
a thing in man's clothing

#

read my nutrition facts

grand hearth
#

i like to use some variation of I'm Not a Man I'm a Machine.... also

final heart
#

I’m an esoteric goddess only depressed twinks and women with sadness in their hearts can hope to come close to understanding

winter comet
#

i'm also bigender but i barely bring it up bc i just like. don't really know what exactly this means for myself i just know it's There

#

what's the other gender? idek what the first one is

grand hearth
#

schrodinger's gender

winter comet
#

yes

grand hearth
#

you don't know if i'm a guy or a girl until i'm observed

winter comet
#

AirHeads White Mystery Flavor Gender

final heart
#

I both love and hate trying to define my gender

winter comet
#

saw a white queer person at the book store.. didn't get the pronouns call that white mystery

grand hearth
#

i usually don't bother defininng

#

unless someone actually wants to kno

winter comet
#

i approach defining my identity in a goofy way these days but as a teen i agonized so much over the Specifics

final heart
#

I don’t either, all I know is I’m not cis

#

GODBLESS

winter comet
#

bc my autism brain needs the clean organization

#

most of the quest of my 20s is just embodying nuance

final heart
#

Side note but does anyone else feel nonchalant but also very chalant at the same time

#

Generally speaking , but in regards to presentation as well

winter comet
#

being mixed race was so difficult mentally for me due to the fact that society hates grey areas and my brain also hated grey areas but i am a walking grey area (as is everyone else but yknow)
so now im like way more at peace about it and other "grey areas" of my identity since i straddle the line of so many different things

winter comet
final heart
#

It’s probably a neurodivergence thing for me but I’ve noticed it intertwining with gender as well

winter comet
#

i think gen z especially grapples a lot with what self-authenticity Truly means post-internet boom (as a gen z meself)

#

also yeah i think same for me

final heart
#

Not in the Ted k way

#

But like the algorithms on contemporary social media are a tool used by the ruling class to foster divide and weaken movements which threaten their power

#

That or they distract people

winter comet
#

yeah fuck da internet current day
i miss when it was an Activity and not a constant interface of life

final heart
#

exactly

#

It’s a tool

#

And it can do great

#

But it can be used for evil

#

And you know how it goes

grand hearth
#

i hate the internet in the zheani way

winter comet
#

i hate the internet in the "what happened to the build a bear games and i'll never forgive them for shuttering club penguin" way

final heart
#

Conservatives hate TikTok because yada yada china red scare whatever. I hate tiktok because it popularized short form feeds of algorithmic content. Imo a lot of queer infighting has been amplified by tiktok

grand hearth
#

real

winter comet
#

its tumblr infighting that moved to twitter that moved to tiktok

#

it's regurgitated stupidity

grand hearth
#

pretty much

winter comet
#

why do we keep psy-oping ourselves lksgjlfkd

final heart
#

Also personally I hate the 9:16 aspect ratio as a video art girlie. Remember when people used to get dunked on for vertical video on YouTube ??? Let’s do that again tbh

#

BRING 4:3 BACK!!!!!!

winter comet
#

it's so wild to be in the tumblr discourse trenches (i wasnt even that far into it) and the same talking points are circulating among the new batch of 15 year old trans kids

#

truscum transmascs that roamed free all over tumblr and no doubt the tick tocks please understand that discomfort doesn't equal harm and spit out the respectability boot you're licking

#

it's poisoning you

final heart
#

A lot of my own conclusions about sexuality, gender, neurodivergence, and leftist ideology were just from my experiences. I feel very alienated from a lot of queer people because i have the same ideas but my stances came from experience and I’m not super versed in the semantics and history compared to others

winter comet
#

im sure truscum/transmeds are roughly equally distributed and im talking off of bias but i saw a LOT of transmascs specifically policing themselves and also reaching over to be transmisogynist back in the day

#

for me it's both experience and bolstered by doing my homework so to speak

final heart
#

If anything it only proves queer and trans people will exist no matter what some asshole in the Oval Office says

winter comet
#

it also is funny that right wingers go on and on about "rapid onset gender dysphoria" and transness being "a recruitment agenda" but people have had leftist ideals and queer identities for forever. they may not have been as publicized but that doesn't mean they don't exist. it's survival bias

#

and humans are inextricably linked to each other

#

they wouldn't have bullshit right beliefs if it weren't for being surrounded by that shit in one way or another but it's a problem when someone who was gonna be trans no matter what is introduced to the concept of transness that doesn't merely just turn them trans but gives them an enriched vocab for who they already were

frozen breach
west anchor
#

Meow

scenic falcon
#

Oops misclick

#

Whatever

digital geyser
next harbor
winter comet
#

this implies hard metal robot boobs

west anchor
digital geyser
#

nya

grand hearth
#

this is old and needs a do-over

IMG_0330.png
#

I think I may potentially steal the top scars idea

digital geyser
#

i hate using the womens bathroom when i'm dressed masc

#

i feel like i'm going to get hatecrimed whenever it happens

golden plover
#

Ugh, I feel so uncomfortable in the men's bathroom too.

Luckily I don't have to worry about violence where I live, but I still hate gendered bathrooms so much.

frozen breach
#

tbh my least favorite part of being visibly trans is the fact that both gendered bathrooms feel "wrong" or unsafe

#

nowadays i think i pass well enough that if i walk into the men's most people are just kinda like "oh huh, okay," but i definitely used to feel uncomfortable and unsafe in both the men's and the women's rooms

west anchor
#

Reaaal

#

I think I look androgynous so I'm just about fine

#

My long hair sells It a bit more I think

grand hearth
#

I visibly have facial hair now so it feels weird being in the women’s restroom

grand hearth
#

I tend to be very conflicted about whether I should get top surgery or not but I think it’s soon becoming a necessity

Fibromyalgia is a bitch and having to wear restrictive shit just so I can conceal my chest really doesn’t help

winter comet
#

honestly atp fuck binding

#

its so uncomfy and im old and achey and over it chop em off of me doc

west anchor
#

Gimme

winter comet
west anchor
#

They should make a button that gives tboy boobs to tgirls

grand hearth
west anchor
#

Peak

winter comet
#

unfortunately if i could i have someone else to give mine to
too many tgirls so little time

grand hearth
#

give my partner my boobs

#

GIVE ME FLAT CHEST, AND MY BOOBS ARE YOURS……….

final heart
#

TERF Detransitoners being pick mes never get old (also the rise of brainrot / short form content intrinsic to an out of control capitalist society lol)

IMG_2337.png
winter comet
#

how do we verbally differentiate detransitioners who are anti-trans backpedalers and detransitioners who just detransitioned

magic verge
#

one is a detrans grifter and the other is a normal detrans person

winter comet
#

i know but just detransitioner has like a Connotation that i don't know is always accurate or fair

magic verge
#

you mean there's overgeneralization happening by just saying "detransitioner" in this context right

#

which is fair, i typically specify that the type of person in the screenshot is a grifter

final heart
#

Here let me try this

#

Added terf

winter comet
#

not trying to be overcorrective or anything bc i know the intent was toward shitty people it was just a question that came to mind

magic verge
#

ah gotcha

final heart
digital geyser
#

yeah i think its rlly ass that detransitioner has ended up with this connotation of transphobia because so many of them have ended up going down the transphobic grifter route

glossy dagger
#

I want a transgender operation

digital geyser
misty harness
#

most detransitioners just don't talk about it so we perceive the shithead ones more

winter comet
#

real

#

then there's also circumstantial detransition which is distinct from permanent(?) detransition
a better word for that escapes me

misty harness
#

yep, the fact is the vast majority of those who detransition don't do it because of regret or anything. it's usually lack of medical support or fear of harm from others

sudden zephyr
#

What is a detrans or detranser

bronze ocean
#

somebody who stops their current process of transitioning

#

but like sol said for a lot of people this is caused by external pressures from family, jobs, that kind of thing

final heart
misty harness
#

it can be very overwhelming

sudden zephyr
#

I'm wanting to transition but I don't know how I'd fully feel about it once it's done

#

thats the main thing from stopping me

#

and is that normal to think about that alot

bronze ocean
#

yea thats understandable it can be quite the process and you can't really be sure of how your life could change because of it

#

but i think the most important thing is to ask yourself if living the way you are right now, and how you feel about it, if that is really making you happy and fulfilled and you're not just like "managing" or whatever

sudden zephyr
#

i also like the way I live daily it's nothing big atm it's just gaming and sleeping lmao

#

but when I look feminine or feel like that I get like twice as happy I don't feel as cloud-headed

frozen breach
misty harness
#

yep, it's a massive step, the definition of life altering

frozen breach
#

exactly. i think on the one hand you should be as informed as you can possibly be before deciding to transition as i said, but on the other hand if you wait around until you're 100% sure then you'll be paralyzed and it will never happen

#

it's equal parts educated decision and leap of faith imo

misty harness
#

i'd be more worried about someone who doesn't seem to have any uncertainty at all, because i'd assume they haven't thought it through yet. even people who seem like they know they absolutely want to transition will still have apprehensions about whether they'll get the results they want, what relationships are going to be permanently altered, what kinds of doors close in the future. it's scary! it's difficult! but like cool rat kind of implied, those of us that go through with it ultimately know that we will be unhappy if we don't do anything at all, and so we say fuck it we ball

frozen breach
#

yeah exactly

#

i didn't know what my life would look like post transition when i started, but i had a good enough idea of what my life would look like if i didn't transition that i knew i preferred the alternative

misty harness
#

and transitioning means many different things and most of it is reversible. it's okay to change your mind or be uncertain, it's okay to experiment and decide something isn't for you. if you're not ready to make the larger commitments, start small and feel it out, you'll find your way eventually whatever it is

frozen breach
#

yeah absolutely

frozen breach
digital geyser
#

yeah

next harbor
#

I can't believe that in less than a month, I won't have a uterus anymore. I'm equally excited and scared ! If anyone here is on medicaid btw some plans straight up pay for it. Idk it was surprisingly easier for me tho cuz of my age, likely

winter comet
next harbor
#

i told someone earlier that my star sign was ||fag||ittarius and idk I feel like they didn't appreciate that joke as much as I did. I know why but like c'mon it's comedy gold!

balmy pond
#

Reclaimed slurs are definitely hit or miss with people

next harbor
#

yeah 100% I'm just glad the other ppl liked it haha

#

Also, unrelated! It's very nice having trans friends living nearby. I feel safer? Weirdly?

misty harness
#

it's not weird, community is essential to feeling safe

winter comet
#

in my very close friend servers i often have the f slur in my display name and i always have to remember not to send an uncensored screenshot anywhere else

#

i mind my p's and q's about it and that's all anyone should ask of me iamloling

next harbor
#

Yeah haha I just felt it was such a good joke ! At least someone here might find it useful. There r a lot of star sign people in the queer groups I'm in irl and lmao I deserve to have a chosen star sign of my own creation, personally

#

One of my fav bands made f shirts as merch and that's just so sick

#

They even sent me the prototype stencil cuz I ordered a tape from em (I also use these)

molten kite
glossy dagger
winter comet
#

"cant help being a scorpio" is funny but when people start saying they can't date geminis that's when i tune out

#

oh actually one last thing
my bf was at this coffee shop once and was lost on what to order so he asked the barista for a rec and they asked for his sign

grand hearth
#

Funniest shit is when ppl are like “omfg I hate scorpios 🙄” and then change their tune when I reveal to them that I am a scorpio

winter comet
#

real

#

i also find it funny that i relate a lot to stereotypes about virgos and not scorpios

grand hearth
#

I don’t even really know what scorpio stereotypes there are I feel like it’s always something different

winter comet
#

i always see like

#

mysterious, conniving and sexy

#

i'm conniving

#

other two not so much

grand hearth
#

I’m mysterious only because I look scary when I’m concentrating

winter comet
#

so much scorpio stereotype just like boils down to "sexy" and i'm just like slorgspin

#

sending for better visibility

grand hearth
#

real

#

that’s a great slorg

winter comet
#

the neopets server has so many slorgs

grand hearth
#

sl

slrans

winter comet
#

i do like the fact that scorpio is one of the goth kids of the zodiac

#

so when there's zodiac themed shit scorpio is usually like dark red or smth gloomy colored

grand hearth
#

That at least is closer to my personality lol

winter comet
#

my sister is bogged with leo so they have to contend with orange, gold, warm browns

#

which aren't ugly colors but the opposite of the colors they like

grand hearth
#

😭 dangg

winter comet
#

my bf is aries so he gets red
which works out perfectly for him

#

idk i usually just see brighter reds with aries and no this isn't a homestuck joke

grand hearth
#

gf issssssss Aquarius apparently

she’s not big into zodiac to begin with lol but I assume there’s a lot of watery colors and she likes orange more

winter comet
#

i remember as a very young child i had a red shirt with "scorpio" on it with some kind of glitter print

grand hearth
#

I remember back in the day when kids (usually girls) apparel had a trend of being like very sassy and snarky

#

it was great

winter comet
#

oh yeah my sister had a shirt saying "EVERYONE IS ENTITLED 2 MY OPINION" with angel wings on it

grand hearth
#

Amazing

valid sun
#

lol

#

i never take zodiac stuff seriously but i have so many frends into typology that theyre also into astrology to a degree

winter comet
#

you can toss literally any short personality trait at any sign and people will associate it w that sign due to biases so

#

but yes i get the mysterious thing a lot

grand hearth
winter comet
#

it will never not be funny that "sexy" or "very sexual" are big stereotypes bc i'm on the ace spectrum and always cold i can't be bothered to be sexy

grand hearth
#

same hat

#

I’m tired and chronically ill I ain’t have time

winter comet
grand hearth
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I used to ID as asexual (I’m probably more like Demi- or pansexual now idrk and don’t care to split hairs) but I think I have a generally. Ace relationship with sexuality

winter comet
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i do feel sorry for geminis i think people love to just take the human urge to be haters based on generalizations and take em out on geminis just because they were born during a certain span of time

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im demisexual and demiromantic but i just say on the ace spectrum

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i like the ace flag better than the demi one

grand hearth
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real

winter comet
valid sun
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my boyfriend is a gemini but theyre a big hater so

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😭

winter comet
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my friend is into astrology and they always talk about my "virgo in venus" and i think that means in terms of relationships i'm most like a virgo and im just like girl i'm basically a virgo in all but actually being a virgo

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i think it's really funny we went on a big tangent on astrology in the trans forum regardless of if we individually subscribe to it or not, playing into the queers like the star signs thing
great chat team iamloling

final heart
winter comet
grand hearth
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cosmism

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hmm

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astrologism

winter comet
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homestuck was right . . .

digital geyser
grand hearth
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I think transitioning relieved dysphoria surrounding that

digital geyser
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my relationship with it has shifted from grey ace with a discomfort around it to demiace/idc i dont feel much attraction toppl if i dont get close to someone

grand hearth
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ya same

digital geyser
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but like demi ace doesnt rlly capture me either and i feel like ace labels, even grey ace, are kinda boxes for me more than other stuff

digital geyser
grand hearth
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I’m some kind of acespec fuck

idk. im my partner-sexual

digital geyser
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im always worried if i try dating ppl other than my lovely wonderful partner (we're poly) i will get misgendered or seen as woman lite or as a femboy or the other horrors ppl perceive pre everything trans men

grand hearth
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I’m a fockin queeeaah

digital geyser
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ME

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the amount of cishet men who i got "you missed a match" for on dating apps

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when i have my gender set to nonbinary man

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MAN

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i may have tits but i am not a woman and if u call me one we're not gonna be friends nevermind date

grand hearth
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when I was on dating apps I eventually got fed up and removed cis men from my search

I just did not want to be perceived at all as female, just didn’t feel like safe about that ig

winter comet
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i've never used dating apps because i fundamentally don't understand the concept

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this is not a judgement to them this is a strictly personal thing

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but i genuinely don't get meeting people with the intent to date

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it never struck me as a natural thing for me and my social life

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like sometimes i remember people can just meet and hit it off and date immediately and im like ohhhhhh right

jagged quiver
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i feel like meeting people with the intention to date them is j generally kinda stupid

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like the chances of that working out is so astronomically small i feel

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and it does sometimes

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but from what ive percieved people who meet that way are always significantly less happy than people who meet naturally

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like u dont know this person at all girl!!

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why u think a relationship is gonna work girl!!

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i dont even consider myself on like the aroace spectrum i feel like thats j common sense idk

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no disrespect to ppl who DO meet that way i just don get it

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lol

misty harness
# grand hearth I’m some kind of acespec fuck idk. im my partner-sexual

this is so real. being on dating apps for a while made me realize this about myself so fast lol

only partially related but

I generally have this problem in queer spaces IRL where it feels like there's this unspoken kinda assumption that everyone is looking for partners by default, which I kinda get since it's ya know three of the letters in LGBT are for sexuality. but for myself I care like 99% about the trans part which doesn't have much impact on my sexuality and I don't want the two to be seen as intrinsically linked.

when I meet other trans people I just wanna vibe and be comfortable around people like myself, but there's always that tension or expectation when meeting new people. like yo when I ask if someone wants hang out at my place I ACTUALLY just wanna listen to records and play Mario kart that's it 😭 😭

I want more queer friends but any time I try being in a space to do that the vibes are off. maybe it's just me though, idk 😞

grand hearth
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pain

I think part of it is because..other queer people are generally a little harder to find?maybe there’s this anxiety in wanting to find someone compatible and it’s not always easy to find that when you’re queer

final heart
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Holy relatable.

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I’ve come to similar conclusions but have had trouble accepting them or realizing them fully

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A lot of dating both inside and outside of queer spaces feels very fast paced , causal, and I don’t find success in that type of environment

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Also on a personal note I’ve started to think, or maybe it’s more of an admission I’m finally making to myself , but I’m somewhere on the aromantic spectrum

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Not from a lack of desire for romance but from how confusing and difficult it has been

final heart
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The local punk scene im in definitely feels very clique-y at times

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A lot of drama between groups

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But also a lot of unity

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Just depends on the scenario

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I’ve been starting to crush on a person a bit tho. They’re someone i actually see myself with and we’re getting closer . So maybe I just need the right person to date and it’s not as common as I hope

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It’s both fun and a lil scary this being my first crush major post transition , HRT , etc

winter comet
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i think the issue isnt so much looking for people to date off jump its usually expectations and communication
its obviously going to involve more trial and error but friendships do too

winter comet
digital geyser
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ive met a few ppl ive become kinda friends with from dating apps, but only one im in any sort of contact with now

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ive just kinda had my bumble sitting there unused for months

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also the freaky ass pickup lines ive gotten have made me so uncomfortable christ. they aren't even good they are just like lets start a conversation and oh no i've walked my way into "😏 " which i didnt pick up on because i'm autistic

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its one of the main reasons i realised i'm something demiace lmao

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ALSO ALSO WHEN U RANDOMLY GET SOMEONE OFFERED TO YOU ON A DATING APP WHO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE????!

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that ones weird i intentionally matched with one friend bc they were the one who recommended bumble but then encountered one person who didnt know i was poly and this really popular guy in the student admin side of uni ???

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i rejected both of them lmao it was so 💀

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having said that i have encountered many cool queer people on bumble, just also the barrage of cishet men with snapchat and "i like sport" in their bios

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or swiping on people so out of ur league that you know they'll be like 💀 if they see you're a missed match

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also i'd need to update my bumble al ot if i went back on bc all my photos are from like 4 months ago or longer and in that time ive gotten a whole different haircut and piercing that imo make me look different enough it matters

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but bumble like i could feel it was burning me out so i dont plan to go back to it anytime soon

next harbor
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the experiences I had meeting friends on lex (last year, when it was still being used) were pretty positive. I found a lot of people who just wanted to chat and enjoy one another's company. And! These people keep also turning up at events that I go to and weekly queer dinner meet-ups haha

grand hearth
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Lex is good if you’re in an area with a lot of users

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Mine didn’t have many but I can see how it’s a great avenue

next harbor
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yeah, I'm in a city but even then, you'd have a road trip lesbians situation

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a lot of people live right outisde of any reasonable travel distance

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but it's really cool to see like-minded individuals strengthening our community from the ground up. really gives me some comfort and a feeling of home !

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idk what I'm on about but like a lot of the events r mutual aid events, too

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living near a city is super wild though I 100% agree

grand hearth
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I should redownload it for this city

I feel like there’s some community here but haven’t had much of a chance to send my feelers out

misty harness
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my gf and I met on lex sort of

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we were also in a discord together and she recognized me from a selfie I posted a year before and from standing next to her at the show of the band the discord is for a few months prior. and also she ended up living literally five minutes away from me lol

next harbor
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that's incredibly convenient !

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yeah haha my fiancee and I played dnd for like,,, ten years? or so? and that's when we really started being friends. My nestie/plp and I met in like 2012. Both of them were friends that really existed and/or game from online chatting with me. idk tho online's where I feel the most real, so it might be a rare thing. Pretty much everyone on lex is friendly as fuck and you can also find good herbal solutions lmao

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gosh that's gotta be cool though. Were you able to walk to ur gf's place?

west anchor
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I've never heard of lex before

misty harness
next harbor
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fuck, I used to live in dfw and I know exactly what u mean

misty harness
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yea that's where we were, up in mckinney

next harbor
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four highways and two lights, as well as a street with a cop on it every morning conveniently when u wanna go 5 over like a speed demon >:3
oh shit!! yeah fuck that. literally five lanes of traffic at some stop lights, with the flashing left yellow arrow lights that are just designed to dump deniability onto you and also murder you

west anchor
winter comet
west anchor
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And it won't update my location

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It just keeps spinnkng

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Can someone help

winter comet
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probably not

next harbor
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lmao I mean if you rly can't get it working, don't worry about it I'd say cuz more than half of the ppl on there now r just cishet dudes

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any problems I have with lex, uninstall/reinstall or it fixes upon update

west anchor
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I don't live anywhere near london

next harbor
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you can change your main location but it sounds like you've already done this

west anchor
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Reinstalled but still won't update my location

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And I don't wanna buy a subscription cus their shit don't work

winter comet
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my previous partner i was friends with since i was 17 and we started dating when i was 19 up til i was 22
but i met my bf from liking the same kpop group and we clicked because we had so many weirdly obscure things in common and i'm pretty sure we were friends for a few months before we started dating

west anchor
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Well I deleted my lex account

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And I give up

winter comet
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and now i live in his house and he just bought my wedding ring so crazy how that worked out

west anchor
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Aww