transdome

[hallow bronze]

I'm getting together with other trans people in my city tomorrow to talk about horror and transness and stuff :))) might even read a microstory about it

[grand hearth]

my genes so stupid it takes forever to grow any facial hair

[unkempt crane]

I feel you, I'm only getting some vague amount of facial hair now after taking T for 3 years. and my colleague made fun of it so I shaved it off. meh 💀

[grand hearth]

supposedly it comes back better after shaving a couple times?

thickness/texture wise

[bronze ocean]

thats just an old wives tale but what is true is that you'll be able to notice the newer hair growing in which can appear darker and coarser because hair gets softer over time

[frozen breach]

ughhh yeah i shaved mine for the same reason

[unkempt crane]

I want to keep it on so that it grows and does Whatever it wants but it does look patchy and awkward... eh

[hallow bronze]

On this reunion one of guys said (paraphrased): "I like that we have embraced the monstrous, if I make someone scared, GOOD. RUN." and that was so real of him

[last pilot]

have been doing some homework with my a group of classmates today, they are all extremely nice :) didn’t seem to be bother or anything about the whole outing thing. which was something that I was way too nervous about

but the gender envy I get from them is almost unbearable. most of the time I was just sitting there asking why can’t I have that

[clear zodiac]

how do i become "visibly queer?"

i know i already stand out, since i'm a person of color, but what else makes someone visibly queer to the public (genuine question)

[valid sun]

the stereotype of gay people being flamboyant is really the majority of it

phonetics that developed out of having a "gay slang" to identify other gay people is essentially what the "gay accent" is

so the gay voice. i guess dyed hair and piercings and mild gender nonconformity is also pretty common among gay people 🤷‍♂️ and signifiers like pins and patches or certain colors. i dont think the hanky code is common at all anymore unfortunately lol

honestly a lot of the very fem lesbian black women i know have had at some point knotless braids with beads that are rainbow or sometimes lesbian flag colors, not sure what your race/ethnicity is though

[radiant obsidian]

-# pierce everything.........

-# piercings are awesome

[valid sun]

most of my black lesbian friends are masc or studs though

my friend jay just dresses masc and has locs, she used to dress the opposite and had these box braids in but now her gender is just kinda all over the place and she works out at the gym plus she cut her hair shorter so it's easier for her to maintain locs

she is asexual and queer but she dont label herself because her gender fluctuates so much plus she's iffy about identifying as transgender or nonbinary because a lot of her "gender dysphoria" comes from being masculinized as a black woman so 🤷‍♂️ not my business

[clear zodiac]

i’m black/african american

i’ve known i was wasn’t cis since my freshman year of high school but it took me my senior year to realize i never wanted to be a girl and only went along with it bc i was scared of what my mom would do

my case manager told me that it would be hard going into this world as a trans man because of my agab, my skin color, and my disability (i have both autism and adhd)

[valid sun]

my friend jay isnt necessarily trans but recently she started living with me maybe i can ask her for advice for you if you want? she's dark skin and possibly has OCD and has been relatively out for awhile (3+ years)

her gender is very fluid but she wants me to use she/her for now

[clear zodiac]

is she in this server?

[valid sun]

no

[clear zodiac]

oh

[valid sun]

shes an IRL friend of mine

she's moving in with me cause of her familial situation but we've been friends for 6 years. idk if that would help you but i just wanted to throw that out there cause it'll probably be better to have advice specifically from someone who's black and queer

[clear zodiac]

ah okay

i have a few questions but i need to think of them first

[valid sun]

yeah no problem

just DM me or whatever when you feel like it and i'll get back to you

[last pilot]

spoke to my friend who goes to the same clinic as I do, we talked about my progress. turns out everything should be ready and I should get my first t shot in two weeks

[next mason]

YIPEE!!!

[next mason]

talking about t i'm about 4 months on it and GOD the hair???? i'm turning into a werewolf

https://tenor.com/view/werewolf-gif-21174664

i've heard people say that they've struggled to get facial hair but bro my cheeks are already starting to get hairy as hell... idk if it's because of pcos or because my dose is too high but still

[tropic zenith]

i want estrogen NOW.

[next mason]

have u started the process to get it?

[valid sun]

it's almost completely genetics

some people are not lucky cause their family isn't hairy

or maybe they want that idk

ykwim

[tropic zenith]

no im not out yet to really anyone😭😭😭😭

like 7 or so friends

i feel like telling more ppl before just starting e

like without warning😭😭

[sterile verge]

tbf people wont notice any changes for a good while

[grand hearth]

man idk what bathroom to use anymore at school lol

I don’t feel safe trying to start using the men’s room, but I’m starting to look more masculine and the girls using the women’s room don’t always seem pleased or comfortable to see me

[tropic zenith]

true

[next mason]

i feel u

don't they have gender neutral bathrooms? or staff-only bathrooms you can try to sneak into?

[grand hearth]

Nope

There are some but

It’s like. 1 room spots

[unkempt crane]

maybe a toilet for disabled people?...

[grand hearth]

Even if that were an option, I’d rather leave those open for those who need it

I think that’s why I don’t really use the “unisex” one come to think of

Because it’s also a disabled bathroom

[last pilot]

so real. idk which one should I go in.

[frozen breach]

oh god i remember being there 😞 that shit sucked so bad

my current school has made all of the bathrooms gender neutral bu converting every bathroom sign on campus from "male" and "female" to "stalls and urinals" and "stalls only", which i am immensely grateful for

because not only does it eliminate the question of "oh god which bathroom do i use in order to feel safe", it also means i can use the bathroom with more than one fucking stall without feeling dysphoric about it

because seriously, do cis men poop one at a time or what?!?! where are the stalls in the mens bathroom????? it's always just one which is so annoying as a trans guy because i Need the stall

[golden plover]

I know this might sound drastic, but like see if you can use restrooms originally meant for teachers.

They are more likely just induvidual rooms (like a house bathroom) if they in smaller areas, that means un-gendered

And they also might have their own if you get to borrow something like the gym teacher changing room when it's not in use.

But ofc, someone with the authority or that has access to that place has to allow it

[grand hearth]

I mean this is like a postgrad institution so any bathroom is used by instructors really

[grand hearth]

yeah this is why I haven’t even tried looking in the men’s bathrooms yet

plus it’s like. I’m in a weird situation where I really started transitioning when I first got here. So a lot of these male classmates know who I am already

also just the whole having to go out of my way to use a “unisex” bathroom makes me feel weird

I want to blend in enough, I don’t want people to watch me have to use a third bathroom. That’s not blending in

I constantly feel othered and maybe I’m sick of that

[golden plover]

Wait, do they just don't have stalls?

Ah fuck no.

Even if I wasn't trans I still wouldn't use a urinal.

No way I'm standing in a room of other people holding my genitalia, basically pissing in a metal bucket(worst case) on the floor.

I'm so glad genderless individual bathrooms is the norm in institutions where I live.

[hallow bronze]

I'm guessing that they don't poop at school because it sucks when other guys enter and start going: "IS ANYONE SHITTING IN HERE⁉️" and banging on doors to be annoying

[frozen breach]

most men's bathrooms i've been in have one or two stalls and a shit ton of urinals, and the urinals at best have dividers between them but more often than not they dont

i hate urinals as a concept but god using one would be so gender

[next mason]

YES GOSH. u see everyone go to the urinals while u're just standing there waiting for the stall to open

[next mason]

WTF LMFAO

[golden plover]

How old are they? 😭

[next mason]

why the fuck would they even do that lmfaooo

"hey bro let's go bang on the restroom stalls doors to ask if anyone's shitting during recess"

[last pilot]

I need to share this. Yall remember how I was outed as a trans to my whole uni class.
Well, one of my classmates invited to me his flat to hang out today. We sort of got to that whole topic. He admitted to me that the whole scene also made him uncomfortable. He also told me that all of his current friends are safe and if anything goes down, he’s gonna be there for me. I was trying so hard not to sob. He was really sweet.

[paper totem]

oh i remember that !!!! thats so good to hear that someones in ur corner

[hallow bronze]

hell yeah dude!

[hallow bronze]

high schoolers?

[misty harness]

switching to patches

ive felt like things stagnated earlier than they should so im hoping that + increasing prog might lead to more development but .. im about to hit 3 years and im afraid ive maxed out already 😖

[unkempt crane]

I'm sure it's obvious but- get your hormone levels checked if possible, so you can either take a notice of them yourself or check them out with an endo

I presume that seeing a doctor might be expensive but analyzing the results is something you can technically do yourself to get the gist of it

[misty harness]

I just did, the appointment I had today was just the checkup. my levels have been good every time, I'm more worried about consistency

but it also might be me just coping about being kinda unsatisfied with where things went

[bronze ocean]

3 years is honestly a pretty short amount of time all things considered, but definitely see if changing administration methods and dosaging will help! it might

[clear zodiac]

MY BINDER ARRIVED

[clear zodiac]

i felt so euphoric when i tried it on with a shirt

anyways i need to take a shower and wash my binder

[tropic zenith]

still no estrogen im crashing out rn

I mean I already look very feminine but I just wish I had estrogen to like, improve it

im tweaking

i at least know i have a shit ton of time to still start so im not that worried i just hate my gender dysphoria and it’s been hitting HARD today

[golden plover]

Sounds like they're 6.

Literal potty humor.

[hallow bronze]

if there is one place for potty humor it's the bathroom

also, that level of mean/annoying can't come from anyone other than a hormonal teen

[golden plover]

I mean, you got a point there

[molten kite]

This happened into my freshman year of college

[digital geyser]

i have a RADAR key (allows access to disabled toilets in the uk) and so most of the time that's an option pray~1 i am pre everything so yet to try the men's and i am scared

[grand hearth]

I think I could pass enough in places that don’t know me

But the thing is…I feel less like my life is threatened in the women’s restroom 🫠

[balmy pond]

real

for what its worth tho i don't think most cis dudes would even notice

they're kinda in their own worlds from my experience

[grand hearth]

true

if only there were more stalls commonly 💔

[balmy pond]

yeah, tbh i never really got urinals

probably cuz im a girl but, i dunno it feels like more inconvenient to have your toilets be split between places you definitely can and definitely CANNOT shit

[valid sun]

they dont

i go in the stalls and sit and they dont gaf

if youre anxious just wait till everyones out and then use the stall

they just think youre doing the numbah 2

[chilly imp]

not trying hard enough

[clear zodiac]

i might get a bra binder from origami customs on days that i don't wear my binder

[feral wind]

i wanna detransition for someone

idk why

i mean i sorta do

[scenic falcon]

huh?

[golden plover]

Why do you wanna pretend to be someone else for someone?

.

Shouldn't your partner accept you as you are?

[frozen breach]

i've had thoughts like this in the past and i've had to remind myself that no matter how good the "reward" seems, it will never be worth living a lie

if someone only loves you on the condition that you detransition or are a different gender, they love an idea of you that they've invented, not the actual you

i almost partially detransitioned (for my second ex) and almost didn't transition in the first place (for my first ex) because i thought that if their idea of me was more closely matched to reality then it would fix our relationship, but then i realized that a relationship where they're happy and i'm miserable wouldn't actually be healthy for anyone

both of those relationships were really good in a lot of ways and i miss both of my exes quite a bit (i don't have contact with either of them anymore), but i also know that they would have held me back from moving through the world as myself, and i know that one day i'll find someone who's amazing and loves the version of me that actually exists

sorry for the rant, idk if any of this is helpful, but i think i can maybe relate to what ur feeling rn because i've been in a similar spot idk

[scenic falcon]

the fact that they wanted you to change your whole gender for them is a red flag, glad you're away from them both

[feral wind]

ok thank you all

[next mason]

OH MYB GOD

gemini the ultimate trans album

[frozen breach]

the real punchline of this story is that both of my exes are also trans 💀

[last pilot]

just reading though this makes me realize that im in pretty similar situation rn.
been w my current partner for like two years now. We met when i was still cis. but now that im actually in a process of getting hrt, they seem to act weird around me. I have home few days ago after getting a haircut and they just looked at me and sighed, saying something like “most of your fem features are now gone.”. keep in mind that I talk them though the process. They know everything about it at this point. They have been acting supportive all this time. And yet they still seem so dissatisfied about it. I get that they need time to get used to things, im trying to give them space. But it’s been over a year since im trying to medically transition.

I do care about them deeply, I still want them in my life. I don’t know what to think about the “you are loosing your fem charm” anymore.

But I’m not willing to let go of all the work I put into it

[misty harness]

if they are not attracted to the version of you that you are becoming and want to become, that's something they need to be honest with themselves about. its normal for people to change, and it's normal for partners to not keep attraction through those changes. it's a sad and painful process, but it happens all the time. not saying that's necessarily what's happening here of course, I don't know your situation at all

you gotta do what you gotta do to be happy with yourself though, being trans isn't something you can give up, only suppress, and you'll never reach your full potential if you do that

[frozen breach]

arguably it is more cruel to stay with a partner who you aren't attracted to anymore and try to force them to change than to leave a partner when your attraction to them fades. if you aren't attracted to a trans person anymore after they transition, that's perfectly fine, but be honest about it and let them do what they need to do to be happy with or without your involvement instead of trying to guilt them into not transitioning. (i'm sure all of y'all know this so i'm probably preaching to the choir here but yeah)

[last pilot]

I’m preparing for the worst if anything happens.. but i totally agree with yall on that. attraction sometimes fades away and there is nothing wrong with it

There have been more things into this whole thing. But I feel like that’s a little sensitive to share now.

[signal cairn]

i have spent most of my 21 years suppressing my transness for others and its just not at all worth it ! i regret it so much and id say 99.9% of people who recognize they were suppressing themselves for others also regret it .. i definitely get it, its hard to do, its very scary but it truly is something you have to do in my opinion ..
though i can for sure say though that love and kindness i receive now feels so much more meaningful and resonates with me more than it ever did while i was being inauthentic with myself

sorry if that doesnt make sense, but i hope it does !!

[hallow bronze]

(you are all right and said beautiful things, now unrelated) t4t love is helping my bf pick his second name

[feral wind]

i think i might be cis but i wanna be not cis cause i dont wanna be made fun of for it and i wanna be a girl but i love being a boy and girl

[junior pewter]

tbh I think people need to just accept that they are not actually straight and have been dating a man/woman the whole time

[feral wind]

cause i love men and transfems so idk if id be gay or pan or whatever

[junior pewter]

I would probably consider myself bi at that point

[feral wind]

ok

well that solves the sexuality part

now i need help with gender

why is gender so hard

[junior pewter]

Are you having trouble trying to figure rather your a boy or girl because you like being both?

[feral wind]

yea

but no one sees me as a girl

so idk anymore

[junior pewter]

I think you can be on both sides of the spec at the same time. Don't remember what it's call but I swear it's a thing.

[feral wind]

bigender?

[junior pewter]

maybe idk

[feral wind]

yea

[junior pewter]

also don't be afraid to be 100% who our despite what other people think of you. I stopped caring about what people thought about a few years age because I thought it would make me feel happier if I didn't. I've felt so much better since then

[inland schooner]

Whenever I have a crush I gotta wonder whether or not they would accept me for being trans and I really wish I didn't have to think so hard about it ;;

Mostly because I'm stealth because people who know me now know me as just a guy

So I'm terrified to even ask and dislike the idea of ig leading people on 😔 romance is hard

[signal cairn]

OHHG I GET IT BAD

i am not physically transitioned at all i still look very feminine..
im scared they’ll only like me for my femininity or something like that

it’s kind of a complicated feeling .. especially when how i look now definitely isn’t how i want to look forever
i was on hinge for a brief time and it just felt really weird and ?wrong
it’s very complicated i think, atleast for me

[misty harness]

remember that gender can be fluid too, it's not fixed. just explore, and that includes acting cis to see how it feels

do keep in mind that a lot of gender is how other people perceive you so if you think you are trans but no one acknowledged it you're going to feel bad about it. it's complicated, but you're young and don't need to have it figured out yet

[feral wind]

thanks

[scenic falcon]

I got that trans inside me, but so far I dont express it yet. The closest i've gotten to masculine is letting people assume im a dude online and crossdressing once as a funny

I wanna express it more, but I dont want people to know im trans. And I dont really have a secret place to crossdress

[valid sun]

yea this is why im glad im in my current relationship

dating would be so hard 😞

[inland schooner]

Yeah that's literally such a bad fear I get that as well because transitioning can be such a changer of you and your personality (like for me personally, I have changed ALOT physically and mentally because I'm so much happier and confident)

[frozen breach]

yeah, in some ways i don't relate to the idea of "same person different gender" that some trans folks have, because i'm not the same person i was pretransition. i'm a better, fuller, and happier person now than i used to be, and i know myself a lot better now.

[inland schooner]

Exactly

Like I'm so much different than I was before and happier which is most important (leading my to act I different ways because for the first time in my life I'm actually comfortable in my skin)

[misty harness]

for me at least the whole point is to get people (including myself) to perceive me differently. if a partner who knew me before coming out was only attracted to men, i'd feel really weird and invalidated if they stayed attracted to me.

[inland schooner]

Absolutely agree

[frozen breach]

oh 100%

i mean i do think sometimes there's a situation where a person thinks they're only gay or only straight, and then their partner comes out and they realize that they're actually bi/pan because they're still attracted to their partner even once they start transitioning. sexuality is a lot more fluid than people think it is

that said, if i had been dating a straight man or a lesbian woman pretransition and they continued to be attracted to me once i started transitioning, but also continued to refer to themself as straight or lesbian respectively, i'd feel disrespected

i know labels are kind of a silly thing to be hung up on, but having someone who identifies as a lesbian be into me would make me feel dysphoric and i feel like i'm allowed to not want self-identified lesbians or straight dudes to be into me as a trans man idk

[misty harness]

of course, that's very possible and its awesome to see every time

[digital geyser]

i would highly recommend t4t. i'm not 100% t4t but my current relationship is and it's so validating. i'm always a man to my partner and ive never felt pressured to be any other way

ive heard so many stories of transmascs detransitioning when with cis men

[digital geyser]

i agree, ive been trans since i was 14 and that partly contributes to different person. but also being trans has had a huge impact on who i am

[digital geyser]

no yeah absolutely agree on this. i know some transmascs who see themselves as sapphic so maybe wouldn't be offended by that. but i see myself as not that

i would also be scared of dating cis gay men and cis straight women. i arguably see attraction to me as inherently queer and on the cis gay men i know they can often be very essentialist

i probably have a preference for trans people and for bi/pan umbrella people for this reason. my current partner is pan. if i go into polyamoury stuff that's probably the kind of people i'll look for

[strong heath]

love this…,,,,…..,….

[sterile egret]

ty :3 i made pride flags color pcciked from the other albums too

[strong heath]

omg ! i would love to see this

[sterile egret]

i can!!! but a little later, i dont have my phone rn >_<

[frozen breach]

i <3 t4t

[digital geyser]

i see a lot about t4t lesbian or gay relationships, but i feel like transmasc/transfem and nonbinary/nonbinary relationships (both of which mine is) often get forgotten

idk i might be just on a particular side of the internet

it migth be because when u do see transmasc/transfem its often fully binary ftm/fully binary mtf. that nonbinary kind of relationship isn't that commonly represented

[grand hearth]

das my relationship

we’re both nonbinary lol

but, I’m transmasc and they’re transfem

[digital geyser]

yes us too!

[grand hearth]

🙌

[digital geyser]

i'm transmasc, they're transfem :D

[grand hearth]

my partner tried going full transfem for a while and then decided they’re content just being nonbinary ahaha

nb x nb it is 🔥🔥

[digital geyser]

i'm the more binary i think of the two of us, but we're both somewhat genderfluid

i use the microlabel genderfaun, as for me my gender is usually hovering around vaguely masculine

and for me he is always the safe pronoun, while for them they is the safest

[grand hearth]

I think i tend to like think of myself as genderfucky lol

That’s the adjective that always comes to mind

[frozen breach]

transmasc/transfem relationships are so so special to me

i'm binary ftm and the people i'm into tend to either be binary mtf or transfem nonbinary, and if i were to get into a relationship with a trans woman i'd probably consider it a straight relationship, but there's also still something very queer about it to me i guess. and i find that really beautiful

idk i just think other trans people are really fucking awesome mostly. and trans women are really beautiful. idk

[inland schooner]

I really want this 😭 I love trans women but I feel like I'll look like a chaser trying to date only trans women even tho I'm also trans LOL

And not many trans women my age :( only know 1 and I have had the fattest crush on her for a year but I think she doesn't like me romantically so I'm chill w that

[frozen breach]

i had that for a while too, but then i kind of did some introspection on why i tend to be attracted to transfem ppl, and i came to the conclusion that it's genuinely for t4t reasons and not for chaser reasons. like i can't see myself being fully happy or comfortable in a relationship with a cis woman, and i'm only really into women, so i'm pretty much exclusively st4t and i don't think that's a bad thing really.

[inland schooner]

Yeah that's so real, same here! 🤜🤛 I meant moreso because since I'm stealth and I was presenting as just some guy only interested in transfem/trans women I'd look like a chaser. I love women ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I'd kinda been thinking about my sexuality alot since I was asked out by a dude and realised I'm not that attracted to men as I thought initially

[frozen breach]

that's so interesting cuz i've kinda been in the opposite situation, where i'm realizing i might be more into men than i thought i was. although the "guy" i was kind of into has recently come out as genderfluid/transfem so maybe that has something to do with it lol

also i'm kind of stealth, but all of my close friends (most of whom are trans) know, and i usually am only into people who i've been friends with for a while, so there's a low chance that anyone i was trying to date wouldn't know that i was trans haha

[inland schooner]

Most of my friends aren't which is why I'm so private about it, except for a few of them. Also ig Australia cis straight people aren't as accepting /understanding as I think American people since it's just isn't a massive point of conversation. When I meet new people who I know r trans I wait to see how they are as people b4 telling them cause I've met a few er, very annoying people who didn't like me initially, but after finding out I was trans only THEN began to like me (as a friend yk). Like me for me, not because I'm trans

[inland schooner]

Omg thats kinda cute! I just don't wanna put a label on it but I say I only really like women when people ask. It's kinda rough cause one of my friends who makes gay friene jokes about me keeps making them with my other gay acquaintance (who asked me out) and I'm like .... I don't even know if I like men rn bro 😭

[frozen breach]

yeah i call myself straight mostly for convenience and because i feel like it's more accurate than other labels, but it does feel somewhat more complicated than that at least internally, idk

[feral wind]

finally wound out what i am

yipeee

gender wise and sexuality

[inland schooner]

Congrats ven!!!! :D

[strong heath]

australia is the biggest mixed bag

[inland schooner]

gotta agree, especially not being in a major city like melbourne or sydney (or a university student tbh)

[strong heath]

adelaide here 🙌

[inland schooner]

up in the gc 🤜🤛

[strong heath]

wait you’re adelaide too? that’s so crazy

[inland schooner]

no sorry i meant up in the gold coast 😭

[strong heath]

anyway it’s super hard to tell whether i will be safe or not coming out at my school which is why i’m putting off doing it

oh lmfaoooo 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭my bad

[inland schooner]

uni or high school?

[strong heath]

high school

people are shit but it’s whatever i have good friends

so it’s mainly an internal debate

[inland schooner]

i think if you're at a public school its usually fine! my friend at a private school had a lil bit of trouble, but that is moreso because she does band and rich conservative parents gossip alot. It also really depends on the school, like at my school there was (he left but I think he was dropping out anyways) an openly nonbinary person in my graade and they got bullied quite hard, but he had good friends so I mean he wasn't alone

for obvious reasons I don't have much personal experience, but really the people who would give me trouble (if i were openly out) are a smaller amount than the people who dgaf so it's really up to you

[strong heath]

mm

i mean this is very reassuring so thank you

i’ve just been putting off coming out all year for bullshit reasons that i don’t really want to look into but all revolve around me being scared for no real reason, maybe i just need to push myself and do it. 2025 will be my year anyway

[inland schooner]

You could consider speaking to a school counsellor (if they're any good) or if your school has a LGBTQ office (something my school has) let them know. Maybe come out to your teachers first so that they can support you if you have any problems from it

[strong heath]

#bless

i just need to do it that’s all

once i’m out i can stand up for myself (eh) but SAYING it is the hardest part

[inland schooner]

it really is!!

also its really fucking shitty being at a place you KNOW everything thinks youre weird at (like if thats what happens)

like if i came out at my old school that would definitely have happened but i didnt and moved schools and transitioned and now am relatively stealth so i dont have to deal with teenagers who dont understand what a transgender person is (personally)

would love to be out tho ngl

[inland schooner]

it is alot easier than you think and scary at the start but time will pass and it will become so much easier :)) I hope when you do so it goes well!! :D

[winter comet]

late but on the topic of t4t my past (ldr) relationship was w a nonbinary person (i'm nb too but i dont tend to describe myself with that word) and it was really strange to catch wind of what people assume "trans guy-ish and nb person" entailed in my case because a lot of people didnt realize we were both masc presenting and my then-partner wasn't afab (i have a whole beef with how people use agab as a microbinary lol)
its also funny now being two transmascs in a relationship because one of us is on T with a bushy beard and one of us has not started hrt (me) and a lot of people kinda assume we are both not on hrt

this all to say sometimes even other queer people get it into their head that t4t is like. a certain combo or have a default visual in their head and it's kind of interesting but also something that needs challenging

[frozen breach]

one of the most beautiful things about t4t to me is that it can literally be anything

there's as many ways to be trans as there are trans people, so think of how many different ways there must be to be t4t!

[winter comet]

genuinely

big agree

it's also why i don't like that a lot of people lean too hard on using agab as some sort of shorthand term
people have a billion different traits regardless of what the doc said when they were born and trying to put a specific image in someone's head by simply saying afab/amab isn't really honoring that imo
like it's different if we're talking life experiences but i see a lot of people (often younger trans folk who have more recently joined the community) kind of use it as like. shorthand for a body type and i always try to push back on that when i see it

[digital geyser]

mhm yeah. ive recently been on bumble looking to start doing some polyamoury things and there is such a diverse range of trans and nonbinary people on there

although its mildly funny how many "you missed a matches" i've gotten on the most straight cishet party guys when my entire profile is TRANSGENDER POLY AUTISTIC NERD

[grand hearth]

okcupid pretty decent for trans people as well

[digital geyser]

ooo thank you 👀

[grand hearth]

that’s how I met my partner

[digital geyser]

ive been on bumble bc my friend recced it for poly stuff

[digital geyser]

cute!

[grand hearth]

:}

[digital geyser]

tragically ive only had one person on bumble with "you have machine girl in common" 😔

i did match with a jungle fan though

[grand hearth]

bumble shows interests in common ?

that seems new

[digital geyser]

you can link ur spotify and it will show artists u have in common

one flaw is because i listened to brat once it is like "you have charlie xcx in common" with half the gay population of my city

[grand hearth]

ohhh I see

[paper totem]

along a similar train of thought: anyone used lex? i am kind of desperate for local queer friends and it seems neat but unsure of how it fares in reality

[misty harness]

lex is how I met my gf but activity was pretty low on it

[grand hearth]

yeah it’s a great idea but there weren’t a lot of ppl using it where I was

[scenic falcon]

I got a question. When u guys transition, did you take your time with it or did you try all of the opposite genders clothes and stuff all at once?

[grand hearth]

I’m transmasc nb

I had a very androgynous look and shopped in women’s sections for a while even after starting HRT.

Over time I gradually accumulated a more masculine wardrobe and realized wearing those things made me feel so much better. I’ve retired almost all of the “women’s” wardrobe since

I think I just spent some time growing into myself

[misty harness]

I'm two days away from 3 years on hrt. I took things slow, dressing in femme stuff at home for a bit before that. I don't think I went out wearing anything explicitly feminine for about six months after starting. i only threw out all my men's stuff when I moved a little over a year ago but that was more ADHD/not wanting to think about it.

I also didn't transition til 27, was in Texas where being visibly transfemme was dangerous, etc.

[valid sun]

i did it all at once and got a lot of shit for it the first couple of years

[balmy pond]

yea i took things pretty slow too. tried some stuff on here and there, learned how to do makeup bit by bit, i dont think i really started presenting femme full time until about a year on estrogen. i will say, it took me a while to fully feel like "myself", i guess. sometimes femme stuff would trigger my dysphoria cuz it would emphasize the masculine bits i wanted to get rid of

[valid sun]

when i tried to see if i wanted to try anything fem afterwards my mom was like "dont do that" and tried to shove me back into a very strict mold of "being male" but turns out i didnt like it anyways so 🤷‍♂️ idk how i feel about it, weird i guess.

[balmy pond]

now i dont really give much of a fuck. i still have some tees and old flannel but those never felt esp masc. "boymoding" for me is closer to "butchmoding", i think

[grand hearth]

real

[scenic falcon]

I wore guy clothes once as a silly, which was when the family went out to eat one time. Most of the guys were wearing cargo pants and hawaiian shirts and I joined in.

[inland schooner]

honestly i mostly wore men stuff before coming out, but i had skirts and dresses and got rid of them all once i properly came out. i do like the look of skirts and stuff though but id be harrassed if i wore them out so i dont really bother, the need isnt all that high for me really

[winter comet]

i was always kind of masc presenting after my preteen years (i came out as trans at 14 but knew i was queer at 11) but i changed my name first
it was my korean name so most non korean people didnt pick up on it being masc
and then asked family to start using he/him on me
it's been over 10 years and i'm still not on hrt or have a legal name/gender marker change

but for me its because of financial stability issues along with formerly living in texas as well

[scenic falcon]

Damn 😔 prayers for ppl living in the hater states

[tender silo]

anyone in here have resources for places to order needles online/pick them up irl? my pharm has been weird w prescribing them & usually i could just buy at the counter but they weren't available last time. id like to just buy in bulk like a years supply of each needle/syringe i need so i dont have to worry abt it anymore lol

[balmy pond]

shopmedvet is what I and all the dolls in my area use, you can buy a years worth of syringes and needles for like 30 bucks lol

[tender silo]

hell yes

thanks ballislifemccartney

[balmy pond]

ofc!

[tender silo]

just placed my order! how quick are the shipping time from this site usually? ill need it in 2 weeks lol ive been putting this off 😭

[valid sun]

tbh my original pcp said just get them off amazon 😅

i bought a box of 200 and have only had like 1 or 2 of them with issues that ive discarded so far

[balmy pond]

i dont remember tbh, i think its a few weeks :/

[digital geyser]

i’m ftm/nonbinary and i’ve known i was transmasc since i was 14 (questioned since 12-13, knew i was queer since 12), i am 20 now
for me it started with a short haircut and baggy clothes, but i lived in a very transphobic household where sometimes even the idea of me wearing boys stuff (e.g school shoes bc i have wide feet) would set off stuff sometimes
i grew up raised to see clothing as gender neutral (but the parent who did that was no longer in my life). so minus my one shitty phase where i saw trans ppl who chose not to pass as fakers or whatever, i often still wore skirts, especially in sixth form. part of the reasoning is bc my household wasnt safe to come out in, doing that meant i could wear cool fashion and there was no point to trying to pass anyway as i couldnt come out to most ppl for my safety (although i’d still have “masc days” where i’d give myself a day off from presenting fem)
since ive started university and been able to come out and be openly trans, ive generally been dressing more masc. a lot of my wardrobe, esp my shirts and trousers, is still technicaly “women’s”, but i wear it masculinly and i do have men’s stuff now on rotation. i do still wear skirts sometimes, but only if i’m around people where i’m not going to be misgendered for doing so

i also deliberately manned up (binder, masculine fit, no jewellery) for my gp appointment where i got referred to a GIC waiting list lmao

but i dont bind that often as it causes me to overheat and get rib pain easily

[inland schooner]

i stopped binding after i got trans tape and started working out regularly and after like a year i tried to wear it again, and it may have been because i gained muscle but it was genuinely so painful i gave all my binders away after that

[winter comet]

trans tape gives me allergic reactions but i've been binding for 10 years so my ribs hurt even with a loose binder

can't win

[pulsar mortar]

i want to use trans tape but i have some adhesive allergies and i would rather not have rib pain from a binder so im like. out of options i feel cause im also unsure about top surgery

[winter comet]

to be fair i had a poorly fitting binder that sat wrong for most of those ten years so i think i probably have some sort of mild nerve or muscular damage from not resizing soon enough

it was a properly built one but not the best size for my chest because i was more focused on flatness than physical sustainability

i was also stealth in high school so everyone thought i was a cis guy and so that meant binding for more than 8 hrs a day which is a huge mistake

also unfortunately trans tape straight up didn't work for my chest size but when i wore it for a bit anyway i quickly learned it was irritating my skin

so now i just wear really baggy stuff like i always do

i already do not communicate as any sort of masc to cis people due to the fact i happen to have long-ish hair so even though regardless i prefer having a flatter chest i kinda just cope since my binder is somewhat unbearable after a few hours
my gender is esoteric you either pick up on my tboy swag frequencies or you miss the magic

their loss

[frozen breach]

ugh the thing about long hair is so real

the first time i went on an airplane following top surgery i got misgendered in the tsa line, and once we got through tsa i looked at my dad and was like "man, i went to all the trouble of chopping off my tits when i should've just chopped off my hair" 😭 (he thought it was funny my dad and i are chill like that)

[winter comet]

i keep setting off the body scanners at airports im convinced to work for tsa you have to have beef w transgender ppl

my bf also sets them off

thats why i havent legally changed my name or gender marker yet because i may live in one of the states with some of the better trans policies in place rn but if i travel i'm gonna get piledriven by a tsa agent wondering why i look like a woman but my name is masc and my gender marker is m

im just a broke transsexual leave my ass alone

[whole monolith]

one time i set off the body scanner and i watched this girl look at me and then look back at the machine and just make an "ah i see" face and wave me through

[grand hearth]

I set off the TSA body scanners multiple times the last trip and they all “had” to frisk my crotch area, and this was before getting on hormones

The scanner machines believed in the dick I don’t have when I couldn’t 💔

[crude hull]

there was this one tgirl i saw in the drive thru at my work a week or so ago, she was super cute. i hope she's doin alright

[winter comet]

atp when i set off the scanners and they give me the rigamarole about how they have to pat me i just go "yeah i know it's fine"

[last pilot]

t on Friday yieeppeee

[inland schooner]

WOOOO congeats avery!!!!!!!

[sterile verge]

huge

[valid sun]

congrats!

[valid sun]

u and me both but this trans girl i met at barnes and nobles said she wanted new friends cause it was hard to make friends in the area (the store was off island) so she gave me her insta handle

[crude hull]

yeah i shouldve asked for her contact info but i thought it would be weird to ask, hopefully she stops by again so i could ask her

[winter comet]

shout out to that one transfem barista at a coffee shop like 2 years ago that lit up when i told them my name for the order bc they recognized that i was also trans and also offered me a leftover pastry

speaking of names for orders its trans culture to test out a potential name when you order a coffee or smth where they ask you your name

but it's funny if they mishear you

[misty harness]

incredibly affirming when i say my name and they ask "h or no h?"

[winter comet]

i once got like some wild fantasy ass name when i told them my name bc it was too loud in there
funniest mistake i got was "amy"

like yeah i look like an amy i guess

my girlsona is amy

does anyone else think about what your name would be if you chose it but like. more socially congruent with the gender you were assumed as before you came out
sometimes i wonder what a feminine name i would use if i were more fem presenting would be for fun

[misty harness]

nah thinking about that makes me feel icky lol i want nothing to do with who i was before 2021

[winter comet]

feel like i'd be an alice or a charlotte
i like old fashioned names even tho i don't like the old woman name i was given at birth
yeah the thing for me is my dysphoria is less social nowadays bc i've been so used to being like. stuck in hrt limbo

if you think i'm a woman you just don't have the sauce

i know that it's very different for everyone tho

i am also bigender so there's that i just present way more typically masc bc even if i were a cis woman i'd be masc

[misty harness]

yeah makes sense, i consider myself nonbinary but mostly in a "i usually feel femme but occasionally agender" or something i unno i probably just am closer to binary transfemme and dysphoric and don't want to think about it

so in that sense imagining myself masc in anyway is a bad time

[winter comet]

with bigender i'm like not quite a man and not quite a woman i'm just a thing with two traditionally disparate experiences that converge into one identity

or whatever prince said in that one song

i guess like my experiences with girlhood and femininity are too foundational for me to not reconcile with (speaking solely about me btw and not to the transmasc experience) so it's sort of a background static in the scape of my gender expression and experience

[misty harness]

the cosmic gender background

that makes sense

[frozen breach]

i'm one of the boring trans people who just masculinized their birth name (well, birth middle name, but basically the same thing), so i know that mine would be olivia

since my name now is oliver

[winter comet]

gonna be real even though people joke that it's a cliche thing to do i feel like people who do that are cool

my masculinized birth name would be an old man name and i love old lady names but old man names not so much

[frozen breach]

and useful too imo! i started going by ollie before i was even out as trans, and when people asked why i told them it was short for my middle name, and most people bought it. so doing it that way was a useful tool for when i wasn't quite ready to come out yet

[misty harness]

yeah that's super valid and honestly a great way to go about it if you don't hate your given name, fuck a cliche

[frozen breach]

i probably wouldn't have done it that way if i didn't feel like oliver was a name that suited me though. luckily i think it suits me really well

[frozen breach]

what's funny is that i do hate my given first name, but i always really liked my middle name

i used to joke that if my first name had been olivia then i wouldn't have transitioned (which is not true, but i certainly would have hated going by my "girl name" a lot less)

my given first name is almost comically feminine

[winter comet]

i go by my middle name bc people just tend to call me that more so when my sister calls me my first name i do a double take

i like to joke that im the genre of transmasc who has a YA novel male love interest name

there are different name genres of trans people (lightheartedly)

[coarse sable]

i stole my uncle's name

its better on me

[grand hearth]

🤝

well I mean

I’ve started going by Samael in full

[pulsar mortar]

i got my name deadass by thinking like “what would be the name of a middle school boy who’d probably play cod in 2004” and I was like i like ethan but i don’t entirely like the spelliny

so that’s where ethen came from

[winter comet]

i clocked my bf when we were friends bc i recognized where he took his first name from

[whole monolith]

i just like alliteration

[winter comet]

my middle name is from a video game but my first name is just because i liked it
(my name is not danny)

[molten kite]

My main roadblock in coming out my mom is the financial strain that's gonna come with transitioning

And I'm unsure about how to approach that topic with her

[inland schooner]

It's funny cuz my name is a name I stole from a character I liked, but I decided the name itself was a bit... eh, so my full legal name is a longer version without one of the characters

[inland schooner]

I think it's best not to mention it to begin with and talk more about it when it comes to it - when I came out i was also very much worried about it and honestly my mum still complains but she also does understand its necessary

[molten kite]

ive been talking with her in preparation and she kinda reassured me that im not a financial burden for her

but also she cancelled a doctor's appointment for my hair loss bc the first visit cost too much and im not sure what her limit is for things like that

hrt isn't that expensive i guess

[inland schooner]

Do yoy have a job in any way to help with the costsm

?*

[molten kite]

I'm trying to get an internship for next summer

[inland schooner]

Cause when I got top surgery I paid 1/3 and my parents (divorced) both paid the other 2

[molten kite]

I'd probably just suggest that I use my income next summer to start socially transitioning

[inland schooner]

You could always say you'll help around more and with money stuff etc or do percentages if that's available

[molten kite]

yeah

[inland schooner]

Oh yeah that's fair too

Or even if it's not money you could always do more chores, etc, small things

[molten kite]

yeah

[molten kite]

at this point i can boymode for like 6 more months if i need to i just want to have a timeline in place

[inland schooner]

Yeah no I absolutely understabs

Its nice to dream, and nice to look forward to somerhing

[molten kite]

I can't be 21 and still be adrift like this

[inland schooner]

Being in the closet just fucking sucks overall though

[valid sun]

idk how i came up with my name but i never changed it so it works for me

[valid sun]

when i changed my middle name it was originally joy but my mom said to just change it to "j" which she now regrets but i like because now i can tell people the j stands for junglist

[frozen breach]

that's so funny to me because my chosen middle name is milo and i also have no idea how i came up with it

it's kinda just a banger name i guess lol

[strong heath]

i’m fine with my birth name but i hate my last name so much i’m more likely going to change that 😭

last name literally ends in “son” it was over before it even began

[misty harness]

SAME lol

when my gf and I get married we are taking her last name

[grand hearth]

Sarah related to Matt confirmed

I’m straight up changing my last name to something edgy because I don’t want to be associated with my dad’s side anymore lol

[misty harness]

my gf has an Arab last name so if I dropped the h I would fit in lol

[grand hearth]

I wouldn’t mind taking my gfs name tho tbh

https://tenor.com/view/half-life-breaking-bad-gordon-freeman-walter-white-get-real-gif-25294153

[frozen breach]

i wanted to change my last name when i changed my first and middle but my folks wouldn't let me

i don't mind being associated w/ them because we have a decent relationship, i just think my last name is clunky and doesn't suit me

also i have a hyphenated last name and one of my last names does the stupid french thing where there's a capital letter in the middle of the word, so it's a logistical nightmare lol

[grand hearth]

Changing my middle name to Danger

[grand hearth]

hopefully it doesn’t have any accents right….

[winter comet]

i dont know what to do with my surname

originally i wanted my mom's maiden name but it's a korean surname and people butcher it because it's not as common as park or kim (people already dont say park correctly)

but because i won't be adding my korean name to my legal name when changing it i want at least one part of my name to nod to my culture

my bf's surname is pretty nice but idk
i floated the idea of using my paternal grandma's maiden name but it's not korean

[frozen breach]

thank god no

that would be too much

i'm probably either gonna change my last name to whatever my future partner's last name is, or i'm gonna change it to my maternal grandma's maiden name because a) it's a jewish name and b) i like the way it sounds

[frozen breach]

so fucking b worded

that's awesome

[grand hearth]

lol it’s mostly a joke but I have considered lol

[hallow bronze]

I saw a tumblr post about how the nato phonetic alphabet has bunch of cool names for trans people in it, and if I was in an english speaking country idk if I could resist

Sierra is a really pretty name though.........

[digital geyser]

ive always loved my surname a lot more than my deadname, so i plan to keep it

[last pilot]

I GOT T GEL FELLAS

[last pilot]

[bronze ocean]

eats it

spreads it on a piece of toast

[inland schooner]

YEAHHHGGH❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

[inland schooner]

My sibling who isn't sure of what name they like is kinda going by my last name

It's lowkey sick as fuck tho

I was considering when I changed my name to change my last name but I'm also a minor and still live w my parents so it'd be strange BUT I still love the last name, EVEN though it's German (I am not) and also from a game (honkai impact 3rd) (I used the fuck with that game so hard) (the name is Schariac)

[bronze ocean]

schariac is NOT a real word 😭

[last pilot]

I have done it folks

[inland schooner]

It is indeed not!

But it sounds and I assume was made to sound German which is why I said German

[winter comet]

t time

my options are:
-use my mom's maiden name (and get it butchered just like my legal surname and im tired)
-use my mom's maiden name but spell it phonetically to avoid mispronunciation (i dont like the look)
-use my grandma's surname but have a completely non-korean name on paper
-take my bf's surname (ditto)
-go rogue and just pick a last name (feels disrespectful to my korean side if i chose a separate korean surname and yes this matters to me or again completely western name on paper)

i think i might just go through with my mom's maiden name in the end

but if i tell people how to pronounce my legal surname which is european and they dgaf they really wont gaf with an asian name my mom's name is very easy to say phonetically in english and yet people act like the prozd skit

[grand hearth]

my mom’s maiden name is viet and I’ve genuinely considered changing my last name to that

[winter comet]

being half asian and also an american is like a coin toss on whether or not you get a crumb of your culture in your birth name or not
and if you do you probably gotta live with people who think asian names are funny for some reason if you also lose the lottery on growing up in a highly asian populated area

[grand hearth]

real as fuck

[winter comet]

had a friend in high school who was japanese and white but he was from hawaii so his white fam was chill and no one thought he was a weirdo for existing

he moved to my area for a short period of time and i was like "oh theyre not that used to asians here so sorry if they ask if we're siblings"

[grand hearth]

I live in the asscrack of the United States (Kansas) and people here are very weird about people who aren’t white or cishet

yesterday my partner was talking about their routes (transferring mail between post offices) and that there’s one town with a post office tagged with swastikas, and they haven’t been able to get them taken down no matter how much their office has complained

[winter comet]

i grew up in a city w a military base in the south but for some reason not as many asian people as you'd think considering the american military man + asian woman pairing
and if there were they didn't stick around or go to my schools

[cyan robin]

unrelated but omg kazu pfp

[winter comet]

yes

[cyan robin]

i need to read that book again

[winter comet]

it's online for free too if you first read it via the physical versions
if i dont have a ghostface pfp i usually have a kazu

[cyan robin]

YEAH ive read it online i just need to reread it lol

[winter comet]

also re: being wasian
its so funny that when im around all non asians they see me as just asian but if im in a place with a lot of east asians they consider me mixed

i moved to a ktown in the middle of high school so it was less weird and i was able to present as stealth bc i didnt know anyone

could not use the bathroom tho

the nurses were rude to me when i asked to use the neutral restroom in their office so i was like ok fuck my drag

[grand hearth]

I wanted so badly to connect with my Vietnamese heritage and have that kind of community but I’ve never really fit in anywhere so tbh we just vibe

[winter comet]

i am fortunate bc i was raised by my mom and we did get pockets of community like a korean church and then later on the ktown we lived in so i havent always been isolated from my community and culture

i'd say my upbringing as a teen was pretty on par with most monoethnic korean americans save for the short amount of time my dad was in the picture as a kid lol

though korean people often assume i'm fluent and try to speak to me bc of how close i am to my mom and how i look more like her and then i'm not so there's that

i do understand a bit and can read and write it but grammar structure has eluded me
my mom didn't make a full effort to teach us bc my dad's family was racist so we picked up stuff here and there but never in a way we can use outside of the home

strokes my non existent philosopher's beard
perhaps... being wasian is like being transgender....

[coarse sable]

being wasian is a whole conversation on its own

[winter comet]

it's purgatory

[coarse sable]

get me out

[scenic falcon]

my mother bought hogwarts legacy... she knows about the jk rowling lore 😔

[winter comet]

unfortunately a lot of cis people dont put two and two together that harry potter still keeps jk rowling's lights on in her moldy home

[scenic falcon]

I mean, she's 100% chill with trans ppl, she just told me that rowling goes after trans ppl that don't even try to transition

[winter comet]

which is untrue because jk rowling is such a transphobe she circled back around to attacking a cis woman that she deemed too manly
but also trans people that "don't even try to transition" are actually trans people that either cannot physically/financially or just don't need medical transition to be happy

terfs are self-destructing in the pursuit of self preservation

[scenic falcon]

honestly I should do my own research on her so I could discuss this with my mom, cuz unlike most parents she'll actually hear me out

[winter comet]

yep
terfs and white supremacists are laying in the same slop

[golden plover]

I usually dislike publishers stealing all the income, but I hope they did.

I hope Universal took all of the IP money due to them technically owning the IP.

I don't even particularly like Universal.

[pulsar mortar]

my sister made a joke that we should change my (dead)name since every time she says it, my dad keeps answering
so my dad jokingly asks “(ethen), wanna change your name?” i wanted to say yes so badly until i remembered he was just joking and would never let me

[pulsar mortar]

just saw a car with the name ethan on it and that’s not my name but it’s so similar that it just makes me feel sad because i just feel so trapped in what isn’t me and i cant fix that because im a minor and live with a transphobic family and even when i am an adult i don’t know if ill be safe enough to physically transition

[scenic falcon]

bro your family's tormenting you

[pulsar mortar]

they’re doing it without even knowing it sucks

[scenic falcon]

ohh, I thought it was intentional

[pulsar mortar]

nah id never be able to come out to them

[molten kite]

Oh that sucks

[hallow bronze]

(lighter note)

[winter comet]

i want venom snake rocket arm

[scenic falcon]

Someone's gonna want the xavier renegade snake arm

[crude hull]

Thinking about how this suburban white mom at my work had a sticker of a bunch of cats piled on top of each other colored in the exact pattern as the trans flag.

I'm thinking she must either be really based or didn't know

[crude hull]

ROCKETU PAUNCH!!

[paper totem]

we should be able to go further

[molten kite]

I came out to my mom

A good conversation

I wish I could have done it in person

[hallow bronze]

that's great :)

[molten kite]

She recommended counseling and I'm really not sure what they've got here at my university

But we'll see

[paper totem]

well i'm in a weird spot now and i am really fucking lost about it

uhh

i've realized that. i don't like my current chosen name at all

but the thing that makes this a hundred times worse is that i just fucking got the court order to change all my shit to that name legally

i haven't submitted it for my id or anything yet so all my paperwork still has my deadname but

fuck

i feel like i've got two deadnames now and theyre both wrapped in bureaucratic hell that i cant navigate thru

is this something anyone else has experienced? probably not but i just dsfiosyepitsyeutyhpuihsduihisdhgjdkfghdf

this whole situation wants to make me rip my hair out

i don't even know what i want to name myself and whatever that ends up being i know my folks arent going to be ok with it

[molten kite]

Yeah that sucks

I'm worried rn that I'll sour on my new name eventually

[hallow bronze]

My two cents: even if you grow to dislike your government name, you can still use your real preferred name with all the people around you and that's most of the use that a name gets imo

[scenic falcon]

Im kinda curious, how many of u watched rocky horror picture show?

[grand hearth]

I watched it when I was a kid ahahah

[inland schooner]

watched it only recently actually!

[paper totem]

controversial take but i watched it and i think its for the most part pretty overrated especially considering that the creator is/was a transphobe

[pulsar mortar]

yes i love rocky horror

[pulsar mortar]

wait what i didn’t know this

[paper totem]

yeah its. on his wikipedia in the personal life column

[pulsar mortar]

i thought he was trans

[pulsar mortar]

damn

[paper totem]

HE IS AND THATS WHAT MAKES IT EVEN WEIRDER

like how can u be out here not identifying with ur agab and still say shit like that

baffling

[pulsar mortar]

i definitely watch it legally so

ill be okay

[paper totem]

yeah its just strange

definitely casts the movie in a different light to me

[grand hearth]

yall how do you decide last names if you’re going to change it

lowkey want to change my last name to my mom’s maiden name

[golden plover]

I would make it something cool, and maybe a bit of inspiration from my family background.

But that's just my silly mind

Like, so you could say "The [name] family" and you would be proud of it

[golden plover]

Isn't this changing name thing all about what you want?

[grand hearth]

Well yes? I love my mom and I’d prefer her last name over my dad’s

I also feel like there could be implications in picking random last names depending on what it is

[winter comet]

same

[winter comet]

maybe 5-6 years ago because even though some younger ppl consider it offensive now it's still historical and highly context sensitive so i was watching it to do my homework so to speak

[scenic falcon]

Wait...how is it offensive now?

[winter comet]

theres like a billion essays and thinkpieces about it if you wanna know but tldr largely it's a result of changing times and values and vocabs
very much not unrelated is the creator having some regressive beliefs about transness but that's also something i would point you to research for
overall i think it is important history to the community and should largely be taken with the context it was created in while acknowledging it's still got a contemporary impact since yknow. people still go to showings and stuff

it's nuanced

like most things

i don't really have an emotional attachment to it myself but it's extremely formative and special to many in the community and i think that is equally as important to consider as the people who don't find it so empowering or fun

[misty harness]

I file it in the same category as drag, it's not representative of my experience and makes me uncomfortable when it's assumed that i enjoy it (mostly by well meaning cis people) but I'm happy it is empowering and formative for others so i don't engage with it

[winter comet]

yeah tbh
i can appreciate camp and tongue in cheek humor about being queer especially in the gender department but i'm first and foremost not a big musical guy so it never clicked with me

there's also a big social aspect to it separate from the actual show that i think is important to consider

and ive never participated in that social aspect that comes with showings so ofc it's not a part of my personal queer journey

it is really cute hearing about how liberating rocky showings were/are to people
not even just older folks in the community

[hallow bronze]

Yeah that's my fave part of it :)

[winter comet]

genuinely love that for y'all

[winter comet]

another rock in the road for my surname is that my bf and i will get married soon

i hate hyphenated surnames but at least i can informally just go by one and only use both on paper

[scenic falcon]

I mean, i'm not a musical person either but I liked watching how crazy and fun the movie was.

But yea, I could see how people can get a little offended by it now

[grand hearth]

Itd a presentation day. You know what that means

(Dressing for the occasion) ((with the singular binder I have))

[winter comet]

i also have the one binder
my bf has like at least 3 that he doesnt use anymore so i wonder if i could yoink them since we're roughly the same size

[grand hearth]

the special occasion binder…

It’s like bringing out the fine dishes

[winter comet]

this just reminded me to go try on his binders

well they're a lot smaller than i thought esp bc my binder is the same brand and he's got a slightly larger chest than me but i look so flat

my binder is actually a little loose on me because i'm an old ass transmasc and my ribs are lightly fucked forever

forgot what real compression was like

probably should not actually wear these but for the few minutes i'm having this on... so gender

[opaque mural]

i have got to pull up to the mg show in some outlandishly queer shit

[scenic falcon]

I can never go to a machine girl concert unless I wear something REALLY cool or really goofy and cool

[chrome snow]

WHAT THE FUCK

[bronze ocean]

biological sex btfo

[signal cairn]

wonderful. life is beautiful 💞

[coarse sable]

ok transfem tree

[inland schooner]

To this day, this is still one of the funniest fuck ups on my pronouns that has ever happened to me in my life (approximately 3 years ago when I was using they/them and the name yume)

Context: we were telling the user stitches to stop misgendering me and using the wrong name

Fucking hilarious 💀

[winter comet]

"she goes by they/them" energy

it's funny when people they/them me and i say i don't go by they/them and then they use the excuse that they don't know my pronouns when discord now has the pronounce in bio feature and then they say "well i just use they for everyone"

well
i throw these hands for everyone who uses they for everyone

i don't know why people are so reluctant to take .5 seconds to seek info

[misty harness]

first day of using patches

[winter comet]

patches would probably fuck my shit up bc i don't get along with adhesive

[real meadow]

i h8 adhesive (i ripped off my trans tape like a bandaid like a fucking idiot and now im scared of it)

[last pilot]

guys I’m absolutely cooked.
I have fell for one of my classmates and i genuinely loosing my mind over it. my current partner is not really supportive of my transition, they often have pretty bad comments on how t is effecting me. I don’t think they are gonna like me when more changes take place. I live with them. I wanna tell them but idk what are they gonna do. I’m pretty sure im not attached to women anymore- idk how to tell them this situation is a mess

[winter comet]

fuckin sucks that your partner isn't supportive of your transition

[winter comet]

would you risk losing a place to live if you broke up?
i think if not an immediate risk it would be at least worth telling them first that their comments about your body changing are harmful

[last pilot]

Yeah. So… I approached them that I want to talk and- we broke up. we talked and both realized that this isn’t going anywhere. they will let me stay until the end of the year. Until then we will see

I am safe for now at least

[signal cairn]

i hope you’re okay, i know it sucks but it seems like it’s for the best !! 💓wishing you the best of luck and happiness

[winter comet]

i'm glad you've got a place to stay for the moment and i also wish you the best of luck to find a place
and if it so happens someone who supports you for who you are

this situation sucks and it takes a lot of courage to talk about

[last pilot]

thanks folks

[grand hearth]

this past wednesday i used my new, deeper voice for hard rock/scream vocals at the school's annual talent show 😎 very content

[winter comet]

new voice unlocked

[grand hearth]

still gettinng used to it and don't have great stamina, but i'm perfecting my craft >:}

[winter comet]

nice
im gonna have to try and sing when my voice range expands
im not good at singing but i like to sing along so i gotta accomodate my range when it lowers

my bf (post-T) thinks his voice isn't low and that he sounds 12 and im just like boy r u trying to sound like thurl ravenscroft

[chrome snow]

Hell yeah dude.

I honestly wonder if learning how to sing can help me with voice training.

[winter comet]

possible

i voice trained myself through high school bc i was stealth for 2 years of it

i lost it when i started working retail in the closet

so i had to put on a high voice or people would think that i want them dead because women have to be approachable and mild

(ive actually gotten complaints about being rude because of my RBF and low voice)

[tropic zenith]

im sorry ur going thru that, we r here 4 u💖💖💖💖

[honest lake]

ayo guys quick question

the autogynophilia argument is bullshit right? Like its just some shit some goober in the 80s made up or isnt it?

or is it something that actually happens more than i think

[digital geyser]

so from my understanding while i know trans fems who find some level of that kind of pleasure from their gender, its not their only motivator and not all trans feminine people will be motivated by it at all (i mean its not about that for me as a trans man for example)
BUT autogynophilia itself is a bullshit ideology that demonises trans people and is not the same thing as “wow euphoria is hot for me”.

[winter comet]

yeah the basis for the theory is big bullshit

[digital geyser]

(ive even seen people who do experience some level of that kind of gender euphoria feel like the concept of autogynophilia invalidates and demonises their experience of transness)

[honest lake]

ahh ok so its people that think transitioning is ONLY sexual or what?

[winter comet]

femininity is oversexualized inherently by misogyny of all types

transphobes can't understand that transitioning for transfems is not a fetish bc if they're transphobes they're already not doing so hot in the feminism department

and yeah if there is some sort of gratification component it's generally secondary or not the primary thing like the autogynophilia rhetoric suggests and it's not a bad thing

finding urself hot is. simply something that literally anyone can experience

[honest lake]

yeah thats the thing cuz when i get in some like hyper hyper feminine outfit i do think something like "Damn youre hot" but i dont wanna fuck myself or something like that

just wanted to ask cuz all the proto scientific mumbo jumbo transphobes spit out can be confusing from time to time

[winter comet]

yeah that's def what they want
for us to doubt ourselves or our friends and family to get suckered in
but you're not in the wrong for being who you are

[next harbor]

It's always super cool to see this kind of discussion cuz it does refresh and give me a lot of hope and togetherness in a very trans way

[winter comet]

if transphobes are gonna do one thing it's do mental gymnastics and write bunk papers to demonize trans happiness

[honest lake]

yess

[winter comet]

i personally don't experience euphoria but i will defend others rights to it
it's never a bad or ulterior thing to be happy when you look at yourself

[honest lake]

on a good note tho i think im going to out myself in front of my mom soon

[winter comet]

good luck

[honest lake]

thanks

but i couldnt imagine that it could go bad shes so chill

i mean there exists a picture of her and my aunt with the most popular drag queen in all of germany

[winter comet]

hell yeah

[honest lake]

yessir :D

[paper totem]

total load of horseshit from the same era as "trans people must be attracted to the opposite sex exclusively"

[winter comet]

my mom dressed very counterculture in the 80s in south korea so when i started dressing in masc stuff she did not care and also supported my very tomboy sister
we weren't super gendered growing up by our mom (by other adults that's another story)
she's still a little boomer about some stuff but it's more just social conditioning instead of willful ignorance

[paper totem]

its exclusionary at best and incredibly fucking harmful at worst

[winter comet]

i think attempts to homogenize the trans experience solely in relation to the cishetnormative gender dichotomy is a fool's errand and you would think they'd have learned this but

even some trans people haven't learned this

[paper totem]

cis people are forever going to want to categorize us

which is annoying

[winter comet]

it sucks
esp when it bleeds into our community

[honest lake]

real

[winter comet]

and transphobic cis people call us pervs who are obsessed with gender but who made the autogynophilia argument 🤨 who is absolutely aching to punch people in the "wrong restrooms"

[paper totem]

yeahh

idk

cis ppl scare me a lil bit

[winter comet]

most people are against all odds chill despite ignorance but there are a lot of people radicalized to the point of being A Transphobe™️ instead of kinda transphobic via osmosis and it's often hard to forget that some people are genuinely doing the best they can

[winter comet]

hopping off my soapbox to ask yall about pronouns
when you write your pronouns do you order them in which you prefer if you use more than one set
like for example if you use she and they but you prefer they a little more you write it like they/she instead of she/they or do mostly just put whatever in whatever order bc it doesn't matter to you

[honest lake]

i would say its what you prefer more

[winter comet]

that's what i do usually and how i generally read it as just going off of limited context but i'm always curious because everyone's different

recently i've switched it up from it/he to he/it lol

either way when i see people list more than one set i interchange them bc i know a lot of the time people stick to just one thing but for me i don't care too much as long as they are what i use

[paper totem]

i vary them a lot for safety honestly

like irl i use they/them only and online im it/its only but the truth is im fine with both

i do prefer it but i also do not trust random people in the real world to not be weird abt it

[winter comet]

god yeah as a fellow it user

well meaning allies often say that it makes them too uncomfy and it's like hey. i know. i know especially historically "it" was used to dehumanize not only trans people but people as a whole and it used to be (and can still be) one of the worst things to say to a trans person. BUT
context

[paper totem]

i love the dehumanization of it tbh

most of the appeal to me

[winter comet]

like i was actually called it many times in my childhood because i was gender ambiguous and i've turned it around into an actual thing i enjoy being called

yeah there's that too but i mean like systemic dehumanization

rather than individual and consensual

[paper totem]

fairr

[winter comet]

i describe my gender as a thing in man's clothing so "he" for me is more like how you refer to a little tamagotchi creature

and less like how you refer to a man

[frozen breach]

cis people scare me a lot tbh

much of that fear is irrational but a lot of it also isn't

[winter comet]

i am lucky enough to be able to engage with most of the ones in my life in good faith but that is a privilege many don't have

i should slap my uncle for outing me to my grandpa tho

[frozen breach]

yeah i have many great friends and family members who are cis, but with people i don't know as well there's like a baseline discomfort i guess

[winter comet]

that's very fair

[frozen breach]

because i pass well enough that i can have perfectly regular and polite interactions with cis people (especially because i'm a trans guy so they read me as male), but in the back of my mind i know that that politeness is incredibly conditional and that freaks me out idk

like i had an uber driver recently who wore a maga hat and said some weird conservative crap, and we had a pleasant conversation during the drive but i was incredibly conscious of the fact that if i slipped up even once i would not be safe in that car with him

[valid sun]

autogynephilia/autoandrophilia is a thing but transgender people aren't autogyne/androphiles. that's a kink thing totally unrelated to transsexuality and being gnc in general

people just like to oversexualize transsexuality

cause thats all they think about when they think of us 😵‍💫

projection much

finding yourself attractive isnt usually that it's just being comfortable with yourself lol

theres also nothing wrong with it but if that were an actual "condition" then like 92% of cisgender women meet the criteria for autogynephilia

it's not lol

[winter comet]

exactly the basis of it being inherent to transgenderism as a whole is bunk

[honest lake]

damn thanks for the fact spitting vro

[honest lake]

i mean i had i similar situation while on a school trip

[valid sun]

yeaaa there's really no one basis for being transgender although people are trying desperately to find one

[winter comet]

they hate to see fems happy

[valid sun]

"it's biological" "it's traumagenic" it just happens

just like sexuality just happens

[winter comet]

re:

[valid sun]

there's too many factors in play

[honest lake]

i mean people still see me as a guy but im very feminine cuz i got the shaved legs long hair and nails etc and i always had to stay in the mentality of a very cis and straight dude so the two assholes in my room i wasnt really friends with werent weirded out by me

i mean i ultimately failed because on the last night one or two people in our room wanted me out of there because i was "sexualising" them even though i wasnt doing anything that my other friends werent doing

and just for info one of the guys said that the brother of a friend is only trans because he was dropped as a baby or something so that already shows what kind of person that guy is :/

sorry for killing the vibe lmao

[balmy pond]

this, Detransition Baby should be required reading for everyone in the community lol

[sterile verge]

i accidentally stumbled upon the agp narrative on a terf subreddit (which has since been banned thank fuck) when i was still questioning my gender, shit set me back in accepting myself for several months, so im happy to see this conversation here so people dont go through the same shit

[winter comet]

i think terfs really love to latch onto linking autogynephilia with transitioning specifically because they know trans folk who are still questioning will see the rhetoric and doubt themselves

[honest lake]

yeah i mean that was pretty much the case for me aswell

because it references to stuff that actually may happen to people and they just dont know what the difference is ig

[winter comet]

it's not the same but the whole "you are just a traumatized woman with irreconcilable internalized misogyny" thing gets a lot of people on my side of the court
and the "rapid onset gender dysphoria" bullshit that they use to radicalize parents of trans kids

caught this one trans kid talking down on his younger sibling's friends for being out as trans at such a young age and that they were just following trends and i was like yo. older people are saying the same thing about people at YOUR age. they say it about all of us but also god forbid a kid try stuff out or realize stuff early

when i was a very baby trans i actually was asked if i was influenced by tumblr
not to age myself by saying tumblr but

[sterile verge]

oh god the rapid onset gender dysphoria bullshit yeaaaaa

also not fun to hear about when you're figuring shit out

[winter comet]

if gender dysphoria were contagious i would give it to the senate

[next harbor]

hylics gender euphoria moment tbh

[winter comet]

i would like to look like wayne if they offered head moonifying surgery

[pure finch]

chaser robotnik

[honest lake]

oh my god my mom just said that she wants us to get our nails done together

hell yeah

the hype is real

i love my mom

[next harbor]

Yay!!! That's such a mom activity honestly and it's so good to hear that

[chrome snow]

That is W as hell.

[honest lake]

Yesss :D

[winter comet]

[magic verge]

hey im trans gengar

i love t4t have been helping my partner get ready to start their transition <3

[frozen breach]

t4t is my favorite thing in the whole world

[magic verge]

i had the experience of like. i thought my partner was just a REALLY sweet cis guy who was super understanding. and then. egg crack

[frozen breach]

many such cases lol

i have at least two friends who were the Number One Cis Male Ally for a long time and are now transfem

[grand hearth]

t4t is great I love my girlfriend

[magic verge]

weehee!

i think just having no expectations for each other is awesome. like no expectation that the other person should be a certain way or act a certain way

and the freedom to be as funky with your expression as you want

my partner n i are both nonbinary, im tmasc shes tfem :)

[winter comet]

my bf and i are both bigender transmasc but we look like a straight couple

[magic verge]

i also suffer from "look like a straight couple" disorder

[winter comet]

he has a bushy beard and i have long hair

[magic verge]

i also live in a majority white place so i feel like me being asian also contributes to people assuming i'm a girl?? if that makes sense???

[winter comet]

yeah it does

[magic verge]

we live in a society.

[winter comet]

i dont know how people look at me since moving to the seattle area where there are a lot of east asian folk, but back when i was a kid in a very non asian area i was treated like i was monoracially asian (i'm half white from my dad's side but have very dark thick hair and eyes and cheekbones like my mom so i guess i look more like her) but hearing how people percieve east/southeast asian people if theyre not used to seeing us its like. wild lol

thats why everyone thinks we look so young and shit

they just dont really know what age looks like on our various features lowkey

same w people thinking asian men are somehow more feminine (which also has a lot to do with racist campaigning to juxtapose us as inferior to white men)

[magic verge]

ugh i hate it. i'm mixed east and southeast asian. so it's a tossup between thinking i'm a child or a girl. it made it hard for me to accept being gender nonconforming for a long time. but now i just try and do what makes me happy and not worry abt the rest

VERY hard when i have severe dysphoria... but we're gettin there

[winter comet]

yeah same like i get seen as younger than 25 on the reg and i have long hair bc i look even younger with very short hair

[magic verge]

also. doesn't help that i'm 5'1 😭

[winter comet]

i decided i'd rather look like a slightly older woman than a teenage boy

[magic verge]

valid

i dislike being infantalized :( i'm also an ambulatory wheelchair user so i think people are even more inclined to think of me as a child when i'm in the chair

[winter comet]

people are gonna see me as a woman no matter what i do so may as well have hair i'm more comfy in
im getting it cut soonish tho

yeah people are gross to mobility aid users for sure

[magic verge]

fax. whatever makes YOU feel validated in your expression is what matters. everyone else can kick rocks

[winter comet]

i need to fight my manager on my name tag tho idk why i didnt when it was opportune to

she wants me using my legal name and not my actual name bc the higher ups can get confused or whatever but they
have my preferred name on the paperwork

[magic verge]

ugh i hate when workplaces are so iffy about preferred names. dawg i have the legal name and the name i actually want to be called. you can have both on paper

[winter comet]

why even put the option to have one if you wont honor it

same with doctors

[magic verge]

RIGHT?

[winter comet]

they did not give a fuck about my name and gender listing until i saw a gynecologist who was very respectful and experienced with transmasc patients

[magic verge]

i'm really glad you were able to find one :) i'm not looking forward to having to go to one

[winter comet]

sometimes you can get lucky, i used to live in texas of all places and that's where i had that experience
reading reviews might help but it's not always often trans people are open about it. maybe there's a list of affirming docs in your area

[magic verge]

gotcha, i'll look into it more

[winter comet]

regardless it's important to just have a doctor of any kind that is able to override their ego and meet you where you're at so hopefully even if you end up going in closeted they're good to you
its fuckin hard to medically advocate for oneself tho

i'm a huge pushover

[magic verge]

ugh same. i think i've become so used to being medically gaslit that i instinctively just flop over and take it. but that definitely isn't the way to get my needs met 💀

[winter comet]

it's so hard especially when it's just you and the doctor and you cant have someone on the sideline going "what the hell that's unprofessional"

[magic verge]

whenever they're like "only the patient goes back" (cuz my partner comes w me to all of my appointments) i'm just

[winter comet]

i wish that was more on like. an informed consent basis ngl
i know why they don't always allow an extra person in esp in cases of ||abuse|| but ourgh

also

not related but my rib hurts because my dumb ass thinks i'm still an indestructible 15 year old and wore my binder for a 4 hour shift

i can no longer bind over maybe 3/4 hours without feeling like death

[magic verge]

oof.

my best friend has been binding for years and he's always like "yay i think my ribs are fucked up"

[winter comet]

yep

i think like
not to fearmonger and im also not a doctor
i always am of the opinion that binding can be relatively safe but often has mild lasting damage
i think it has to do with where most binders end
bc my actual chest is fine but the bottom ribs are dust

and my binder is not tight

it's actually pretty loose

i also don't have a small chest so that factors into it as well
i need more compression to flatten my chest out to my personal desired proportions

anyway binding for 10 years does thangs to a motherfucker

[magic verge]

yeah definitely, i think the constant compression in and of itself will inevitably do stuff to you. i'm luckily able to use transtape and i rarely use a traditional binder cuz i have some breathing problems but i know a lot of folks can't or just prefer not to

[winter comet]

yea trans tape is a really cool option for people who can use it
i have tried it but makes my skin freak out and also my chest is just kinda too big to make it sit under my shirts the way i prefer

maybe i can try again after T

[magic verge]

oh yeah hopefully the fat redistribution can help with that :0

[winter comet]

[honest lake]

idk why but the way you wrote this reminds me so much of these bad 2 sentence horror stories 😭

[magic verge]

HELP

[honest lake]

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN RIGHT??

[magic verge]

i thoughts my partners was cis guy. turns out... she was actually. the transfem nonbinary guy.

[honest lake]

HELL YEAH

[magic verge]

my partner and i talk about the fuck you guy all the time lmao

The Egg Crack Guy

[honest lake]

i literally couldnt live without the fuck you guy

its so funny

hes just so personal about it

[magic verge]

"FFFUCK YOU"

[golden plover]

I didn't know people saw wheelchairs as childish, thinking that is itself more childish.

[winter comet]

rocking back and forth frothing at the mouth bc i need a haircut i want a haircut

it's not even so much long hair is making me dysphoric bc im kinda just too old and too tired at this point to give a fuck about being misgendered by randos and i've made tenuous peace with how i look a long time ago i'm just tired of it

takes too long to dry takes more shampoo to wash

it's not even THAT long but for me it's the longest it's been in maybe uhhhh

12 years

[next harbor]

Ugh same and it's SO HOT

My T is not helping with that

not to mention brushing that shit

Wondering if the t4t event this weekend will have a hairstylist again

[winter comet]

i had an undercut cut into the very bottom half of my hair to thin it out a little since my hair is so thick but it's grown out a lot

[grand hearth]

lowkey

I cut my own hair 👀 because I got fed up

[winter comet]

i would cut my hair if i didn't want a very specific style
i used to have my mom cut it for me because she's a hairdresser

i also just have way too much hair

[grand hearth]

fair yeah

I got sick of not having time or money for salon so I straight up buzzed a lot of it 🫣

But it kind of works actually ever since

[winter comet]

moving to the seattle area has been insane bc they have more queer salons up here and so i can watch a transmasc barber cut a cis dude's hair and just shoot the shit like normal and the front window has a huge progress flag tacked up behind it

i did have a queer salon back home but it was kind of a one off in the immediate area

[grand hearth]

Hell yeah

wish that was me

I’m in like one of the worst states to be trans probably lol

but at least I’m in a marginally progressive town in comparison

[winter comet]

i was from texas but in one of the more progressive towns

you still got gigantic pickup trucks with bumper stickers like "SOCIALISM: YOU MAKE IT THEY TAKE IT!" and "I IDENTIFY AS A JESUS FREAK!!!!!!"

those are both real examples

i have a pic of the jesus freak one

[digital geyser]

damn jesus freaky !? (i’m sorry that must be rough for yall. ik the uk isnt great either but yall are in a dystopia)

[golden plover]

That's just capitalism, not socialism

.

You do the work, the rich take the credit and rewards.

[honest lake]

trans fem people here do you have any advice for voice training?

[next harbor]

All my transfem friends rly like to use the feature where you hear yourself in your headphones and just keep the fuck at it like really just do it as often as you can bc ur trying to help it feel natural to do ykyk?

trainwreck of a sentence there but u get the idea

[honest lake]

ahh ok i get it

thx

[next harbor]

also! Talking to urself n singing helps, but I'm training lower, not higher so idk

[honest lake]

my problem with it is that when i sing my voice is pitch and tone wise in the feminine range even when the singer is male but i cant translate that to talking 😭

ok didnt look while typing 😔

[honest lake]

but i think it does really help especially cause its more fun than talking to yourself for hours :D

[balmy pond]

Biggest piece of advice I've got is to imagine your mouth and throat like a balloon. When it's inflated (wide) your voice has a more "masculine" register or whatever, so you want to imagine that balloon deflating so your whole vocal cavity is smaller. Try to focus your voice in the mouth/front of your vocal cavity

That's good for resonance. Pitch is a bit trickier, still working on that

[honest lake]

damn ok thank you!!

ill try

[balmy pond]

https://youtube.com/@transvoicelessons?si=2A_Bouc8VO2LTFOS

Peep this channel, should give you a good start!

There's also voice training clinics and stuff

Most of them you have to pay for but if you're in a big city they may have them for free

There's one of those at Temple iirc

[grand hearth]

theres so much potential to make these ppl uncomfortable there lol

"Jesus freak? you wanna freak jesus?????"

[honest lake]

crazy that there is clinics i thought it was maybe just a few coaches here and there didnt know that

[grand hearth]

speaking of voice training sometimes i think of the time mom thought i sounded like a gay man lol

early on in my transition, she asked me "Hey, do you think Adam (gay man at the leasing office) is on hormones?"

I asked why, and she said he sounded like me

"No, he just sounds like that. ...do you think i sound like a gay man????"

[honest lake]

damn i think i know where shes coming from

[grand hearth]

im guessing its because i have a bit of a fem inflection despite having a very masc pitch of voice ahahhahaha

[honest lake]

i mean the gay accent is pretty similar to the talking patterns of many women

[grand hearth]

i think ive gotten more masc in inflection since then tho, that was a year or so ago

yaaaaa

[honest lake]

yurrrr :D

[grand hearth]

[golden plover]

I thought they said that Jesus was freaky at first.

[grand hearth]

mom is supportive but she has so many "shes a little confused but got the spirit" moments lol

[next harbor]

Same n it doesn't help that I'm from New Orleans where everyone's fucking tone is singy and ppl think "ah just a girl with a deep voice" like yeah sure I guess but only friends can girl me :^)

[grand hearth]

i appreciate her

[next harbor]

Ya honestly when parents do literally anything to try being excited about ur life like that it's so special. I cried when my mom got my brother to put my new name on my surprise birthday cake

[grand hearth]

awwwww thats sweet

[next harbor]

Right?? She's got a long way but really so much better than she used to be

Some ppl take time

And care ofc

[grand hearth]

for sure

[next harbor]

Someone at my fiancée's work had a "gay announcement and birthday" party with rainbow party favors n shit and idk it makes me feel hopeful for these kids

[honest lake]

what is a gay announcement?

an outing?

sounds so professional

[next harbor]

Idk my high ass couldn't figure out the name for it but ya her daughter was like "I have discovered I'm lesbian and also it's my birthday"

[honest lake]

thats so fire

wait i did that too but accidentaly

it was on my last birthday on midnight when my dad came in with some beer so we could like toast to me being 17 and talk about all kinds of stuff

[digital geyser]

frfr

i mean my guy liked feet washing sus~1

sounds FREAKY to me

[honest lake]

and then at some point he asked me if i was gay and i answered honestly so that was very sick

[golden plover]

Which kinda was true during the era he lived in.

[golden plover]

I didn't even read this, he really was

[tender silo]

a while ago i brought my dad to a punk show and he called me his son for the first time while we were chatting with one of the performers :] it made me so happy i cried just a little bit ..

[frozen breach]

on the subject of voice training/trans voice shit in general, this message kinda just reminded me of like. how important inflection can be for voice passing

like it's at least as important as pitch imo

like one can compensate for the other absolutely, and if you're transmasc and gay/queer then having feminine inflection won't hurt your passing too much, but yeah i think inflection can be really crucial

i have a friend who's a trans girl and she has quite a deep voice, but her inflection is very girly and her voice doesn't get her clocked as often as one would expect if they were just considering pitch

sorry this is kinda rambly but it's something i think about a lot lol

cuz my voice hasn't gotten particularly deep on t but i have very masc inflection and always have

[magic verge]

you don't have to apologize!! my partner (who is technically in here but she doesn't really do big servers lol) is transfem and was also studying speech pathology and audiology while they were in school. you're right, from what my partner has told me resonance/darkness/brightness is actually more important than the pitch of your voice. the range of pitches that are interpreted as masculine or feminine are relatively wide and it more so has to do with inflection and where your voice is vibrating in your body (chest vs head voice)

how a person presents in combination with that also affects people's perception of course :p

[magic verge]

i naturally have a pretty feminine way of speaking and i'm gay and transmasc but like you my voice hasn't gotten much deeper yet so if i want to try and pass better i have to deliberately change the way i talk lol

[frozen breach]

yeah no that's real

i've been on t for over two years and while my voice has gotten somewhat deeper, it's definitely not what i'd hoped for lol

[magic verge]

masculinizing voice training is underrated i think

my partner has told me if i keep up with voice training i can get a passably masculine voice even with my current pitch but... i'm not as on top of it as i should be

[frozen breach]

100% yeah

i think some trans guys assume that t will just do everything, and it's true that it helps a lot but unless you started with a deeper voice to begin with or have a naturally masc inflection you're probably gonna still wanna voice train if you want a passable voice

[frozen breach]

yeah i think at the end of the day it's just time and being dedicated to it, which i understand not everyone wants to do because it's hard and annoying. i know a lot of trans people (masc and fem) and i think only one or two of them voice train

[magic verge]

definitely, and i think resources on voice training aren't the most accessible. like i've found a few videos on masculinizing voice exercises but for a more formal regimen i had to go to my partner because he has a copy of a book on voice training that was written by speech specialists/therapists

speaking of, if anybody is interested in the pdf copy of this book lmk and i'll pester my partner for it https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Voice_Book_for_Trans_and_Non_Binary.html?id=N9rADQAAQBAJ&source=kp_book_description

[hallow bronze]

I do wonder if voice training is different in different languages, cause I'd love to eventually start, but most resources I find are in english lol

[magic verge]

hmm yeah that is a good question, especially because gendered expectations for how voices should sound vary from culture to culture

[hallow bronze]

make me world dictator and I will make things easier by abolishing gender expectations and gender itself while we're at it

[magic verge]

how do i vote for you

is there a google form

[hallow bronze]

it's more of a vibes based thing, I'm trying to bolster popularity in the subconscious mind of the people

[magic verge]

ok, i will attune myself to your frequency :3

[winter comet]

yeah i know that's what i said when i saw it

[winter comet]

same and i also talk from my chest instead of my head unless i'm at work so it comes off way more masc

[grand hearth]

Same

chest voice fr

[winter comet]

i do have a somewhat low voice when i don't feel obligated to people please already but i can't stay on it and be in retail bc i get asked why i have an attitude by just existing

[grand hearth]

I have a stern-looking resting face so I think I accidentally come off as intimidating sometimes lol

[magic verge]

when i'm tired my voice gets pretty low and i have really flat affect so people interpret it as me being mean :/

[grand hearth]

Oh god Im very monotone lol esp when im doing a practical or whatever

the autism voice

[winter comet]

big brows + hooded lids + small irises = worst case of RBF because people are dumb

[magic verge]

lmao i'm the same

i've been told by people before that i'm intimidating and i think they mean that i'm asian and autistic

[winter comet]

i like to chalk it up to people being racist somewhat jokingly except other east asian people have told me i look mean so

[grand hearth]

I got told thru peer review that I was too monotone and didn’t make enough eye contact with the patient 🙃 feels bad man

[winter comet]

my mom: why are you giving me a mean look
me: this is my face try again to have a nicer looking child in the next life

[magic verge]

help...... peer review: you are autistic

[grand hearth]

IT LITERALLY WAS THO LMFAOOSOOCKKNND I HAVE THE SCREENSHOT HANG ON

[winter comet]

my dad was a really mean looking white dude with arched brows and also hooded lids so i think my mom just thinks the parts of me that look like him are mean looking subconsciously alfsgkgjdf

[magic verge]

inherited meanness is wild

[golden plover]

The IRL version of The Voice from Dune.

[grand hearth]

lmfao

[magic verge]

oh my god that would piss me off so badly 😭

[winter comet]

luckily i am good at speaking in an animated way but eye contact is annoying at best to me

[grand hearth]

Lol it’s whatever now, thankfully it didn’t affect my grade, everyone just had to. Comment on someone else’s video

I did talk to the student affairs lady to at least get it on the record about my diagnosis lol

And in fairness this was before

[magic verge]

i see i see

[magic verge]

oh yeah in the same vein she also has a pdf for a book on voice training and exercises/adapting your singing voice for gender diverse singers

[golden plover]

Do they think you sound like this?

https://youtu.be/RWFr7Ay7G9Y

[grand hearth]

Dune stole Mongolian throat singing, wow

[golden plover]

More on stuff like this tho, I hate it.

I hate the "acting/expressing socially acceptable/preferable" thing

I gotta put on a fake expression instead of my natural expression

[winter comet]

there's a dude at work who has a very casual and blunt way of speaking and im like man i wish i could do that too but people see me as a woman so they'd report me

i was once working a boba/coffee kiosk and had little sample cups out on the edge of it for people and this older lady asked if she could take one (that's what they're there for) and i nodded with a smile (i was very busy cleaning a blender) and the next day my coworker sees the same lady walking around and tells me she came up to her earlier and told her i was rude

[magic verge]

man... that's so annoying

what are they expecting from you?? glitter and rainbows? you're also trying to do your job

[winter comet]

i get crap from older people all the time despite me saying the coveted "yes ma'am/sir" and being basically like a manners book from the 60s just bc i might get swept up in another task

[magic verge]

i hate nonsensically high expectations for women (or people perceived as such) to bend over backwards to be polite and friendly especially in customer service positions

[golden plover]

Service workers shouldn't be forced to be ultra-positive

[winter comet]

i was also scrubbing the blender bc someone ordered peanut butter in their smoothie which i fuckin hated bc we didn't have an allergen specific blender so i would have to thoroughly scrub it with hot water and soap whereas most smoothie places clean in between smoothies back to back with just water and then soap at the end of the day or when it's not busy

that's what i get for working at a place that sold every drink ever

[magic verge]

that old lady would rather someone with a peanut allergy died ig

[winter comet]

i'll be damned if someone gets an allergic reaction on my watch bc my boss did not care lkafsjdkl

[golden plover]

If it's like that I would just not allow common allergens in your smoothie.

Or the boss can do their job and invest in a separate allergen-safe blender

[winter comet]

he was a cheapo we weren't allowed breaks

and yes this is illegal

but i got paid weekly

[magic verge]

yayyy labor law violations

[winter comet]

it honestly wasn't even a bad job but i was working 12 hours a day 6 days a week

and it was him that made me quit

[golden plover]

Geez, 12 hours straight of manual labour with no breaks, and you only get one week-day, you don't even get 2.

(2 is the standard where I live at least)

[winter comet]

i basically ran the place and he would come over unannounced with stock and stuff

[magic verge]

braver than the us marines

[golden plover]

So, he basically did the job of restocking, and took the benefits of the job YOU were doing.

[winter comet]

and i was hoping to not be closeted at this current job but people hear my preferred name and it just goes through their ears and out their head

he was working at his other locations but he was stupid about how he did business

[grand hearth]

I keep having to insist on my preferred name lol because it’s legally not changed so my legal name is plastered all over the system

When they email me it shows who I am as my legal name so sometimes I put my real name in bold

It’s so simple to just respond to emails using how they sign off as lol

But ppl DONT PAY ATTENTION

[magic verge]

maybe every time someone deadnames you, increase the size of your name in your email signature by 1

i just find the idea of a really REALLY big name in an email signature funny

[winter comet]

people really do not read

i always have to write my legal name but put (preferred name)

and it's like invisible apparently

ive asked this a thousand times but why do jobs and schools and medical practices have sections where you put your gender and preferred name if they will not honor them

i don't totally mind being called she/her because i get the whole social conditioning thing but my name is a different story because you aren't socially conditioned to call me by any name if you have just met me

[magic verge]

performative allyship is a disease

[winter comet]

i do have one coworker who is cool about my name but idk about everyone else bc i havent talked to them much

[grand hearth]

Oh that’s funny I might use that

Gonna be 120point at the end of the year

[magic verge]

hell yeah

[grand hearth]

Thankfully most ppl know me enough that they know what I go by at least

[magic verge]

the signature can be a little bigger. as a treat

[grand hearth]

Trimming my scruff for the first time yippee wahoo

[winter comet]

[frozen breach]

ugh god i don't even work retail but my polite/customer service-esque voice brings out a way more feminine inflection and i hate ittttrf

[frozen breach]

the autism voice is so real

[winter comet]

real
it sucks so bad bc customers almost zero in on "reasons" to treat you like dogshit

[pulsar mortar]

my dad just accidentally called me sir i see this as a win

[winter comet]

tmascs posting their W's

[next harbor]

just came back from a t4t clothes swap and dang,,, how r trans people so cool and fashionable???

i hope to be as cool and fashionable as I am trans

[grand hearth]

I need cooler clothes

I want to go thrifting soon

I feel like it’s gotten to a point where ppl have really started overpricing shit tho

[winter comet]

yea ive forgone procuring more gothable drip now that im a pacific northwesterner and need to be warm but hey at least its all dark grey and black

and yeah thrifts are wild rn

[grand hearth]

I like living in the cold because all my warm clothes are cooler

aesthetically

I really like my KFCMC longsleeve

[winter comet]

yeah there's more freedom with layers

[winter comet]

i live in a pretty prime area for trans clothes swaps but i have limited travel ability since i dont have a car
when i moved from texas i was trying to donate my clothes to some sort of trans clothing bank but turns out the one on the student union had to close bc no more DEI programs

i wear larger sizing than i actually fit so those clothes would have been really great for trans people that aren't 5'3 and slim but the woke mob must be defeated i guess
i was looking into other resources for it but no luck and i was on limited time so i couldnt put an ad out or anything

[winter comet]

yea
tbf anyone who needs the clothes i donated should have them but it wouldve been nice to get them to trans people in the local community

at least there's still the diaper bank where parents can drop off the unused diapers their baby grew out of so families in need can have them
but damn

yeah ive given more than i was practically able to give a few times to friends and other people in the community in the past and if i ever make a comfortable living im gonna keep stepping up
full disclosure i was living w my mom and now live with my bf and his family so it wasnt like i was gonna miss rent and be evicted by donating but still it did have consequences

and i know there are some of us who could and do miss rent by giving

being neurodivergent impacts how i see money as no object and completely frivolous bc it runs everything to our detriment but its a funny contradiction with growing up with little money bc everything is expensive at the same time

so i hate spending money but i also spend it sometimes too freely when it's something i deem worthy

"money stupid and im gonna probably die in 15 years im swipin this card"
"what's the cheapest thing on this menu"

[winter comet]

going back and forth on binding for sonic 3 tonight
it ain't for no one else bc im gonna be in a dark room with strangers looking at the screen
its for me

naw im too old and achey not tonight

a person who chest binds. their ribcage is stronger than any US marine

[frozen breach]

yeah i gave up on binding pretty much entirely for like the last year or so before my top surgery

it's just so uncomfortable and i'm chubby enough that i could kind of get away with it