transdome

[balmy pond]

i can sorta tell when i need it so if im busy/preoccupied but otherwise feeling fine on my usual day i might forget, or do it a day early if i feel off

[valid sun]

that makes sense

usually i get cramps the day before my shot day lol i didnt get them this week but i usually do

[balmy pond]

yea. transitionings helped a ton with being more mindful and in tune with my body so it makes it easier to tell what medications are like actually

like i can feel it better with other meds or if im getting sick or something, if somethings off its easier to tell where and why

[balmy pond]

makes sense, i usually get super fatigued and grouchy, maybe a bit fogheaded too

[valid sun]

definitely understand the mood attribution aspect

[balmy pond]

yea lol

[valid sun]

i kinda feel this, in my experience i'm completely med resistant regarding psychiatric meds

[balmy pond]

heard

[valid sun]

so ive never been able to track down a "difference" when i take them

[balmy pond]

i was never able to until after i transitioned

its not like perfect but i can tell if ive missed my concerta or lexapro or whatever

[valid sun]

right

ive taken i think 16 different SSRIs and SSNIs as well as antipsychotics but i think they were trying to treat something that wasnt there (i have autism i got diagnosed super late)

but also my psychiatric disorder is also reportedly both one of the most med AND therapy resistant personality disorders (AvPD) i think that's also a factor

but regardless psychiatric meds havent ever done anything for me but HRT saved my life 🔥

they work for MOST people though dont get me wrong

the last medications i took were lithium and prozac and lithium just made me super sleepy

so i guess there were physical side effects and not emotional if that makes sense

while with HRT there's an obvious mood quality drop

it would be interesting if they did a study on how HRT affects other medications like u said

or perhaps if they even found out if it enhances it

[balmy pond]

yea i wonder..

i could never keep track but ive been on so many psychiatric medications over the years

been in and out of partial and IOP and therapist after therapist but never made any real mental health progress until i started transitioning

i think solving the gender question was the keystone for me, like it was the thing i had to tackle FIRST before i could make any of the therapy work for me

my therapist postulates that its cuz i feel safe enough in my own body to actually tackle the really hard shit that ive had to work through for years that ive made any real progress

[frozen breach]

bro yes my shot day shifted from saturdays to wednesdays over the course of like a few months just cuz i kept forgetting

[frozen breach]

just to add onto the discussion about hrt and psych meds: something really funny happened for me in that i started testosterone in october of 2022, and in november of 2022 i got off prozac and started wellbutrin (which has actually been working for me whereas prozac did nothing at a low dose and gave me audiovisual hallucinations at a higher dose lol), so my mood and general wellbeing kind of just went through the roof around the end of that year because i started feeling the impact of both things at the same time. there were a couple months where because of that timing and the fact that i couldn't really tell which one was impacting my mood more, i was super anxious that hrt wasn't actually helping and it was just the psych meds (and also vice versa tbh). now though i feel like shit when i miss either one so it's very clear that they're working in tandem

[grand hearth]

Ngl sometimes I just don’t have the spoons to administer my shot on the exact day I should

it’s the end of the day and I’m like “hmm. time for a 10 hour nappy nap”

[frozen breach]

this is so real!!! figuring out i was autistic was like the first step of shifting my life towards a better path, and then figuring out i was trans and starting hrt was the second step. i honestly don't know if i'd be here if i hadn't had those two journeys when i did

[frozen breach]

this is also incredibly real... mmmnaptime....

[grand hearth]

have to get out all the stuff and set of the stuff and some days it just feels like too much work lol

[tender silo]

just remembered to do mine in time because of this message 👍 thank you

im also consistently forgetting and doing it a day or two late lol its sooo sucks

[valid sun]

yea same

i just did mine but i fucked up administering it twice

but it was already in the needle so i had to complete it i did it tho and safely

[valid sun]

i forgot to reply to this but same

had the privilege of getting it answered early in life and forever grateful for that privilege but the thing is that people really dont realize how much getting past that first hurdle is. youre in constant survival mode before you transition the way you want (and often even before that because of food insecurity or homelessness for some, where they cant even get the energy to think about gender and it becomes a hidden burden).. like it's a blessing and a curse that you realize how big the world around you is

you get a shitton more problems but at least it isn't "am i going to look how i want to today" or "how can i not be disrespected or endangered for looking how i want to"

now it's "oh shit i gotta get more hobbies" or something lol

but is it really a bad thing

i feel that it's just how life ks

is*

it's always progressing but you can't progress if you dont get past the first hurdle

[misty harness]

same thing with me lol I started estrogen and Wellbutrin the same week and after a month I was like what the fuck I can accomplish things????

after 15 years on and off various antidepressants

which did nothing or made things worse

[grand hearth]

Goin swimming 😎 😎 tryna cover me chest 😎 😎

I got one of those swimming shirts but. The nipples

[frozen breach]

swimming as a trans person is so. augh

counting down the picoseconds until top surgery

[grand hearth]

some days top surgery is very appealing

I’ve opted to wear a sports bra under the swimming shirt but it’s not ideal lol

[frozen breach]

binding while swimming is just so so so uncomfortable i hate it

and i imagine tucking while swimming is similar

[unborn atlas]

Halimede is an insane person but she frequently cooks

[balmy pond]

i dont get it

i mean its silly to split hairs with labels but i dont think "bi lesbian" is that oxymoronic of a concept

[spice sphinx]

I'm a girl twink

[balmy pond]

god i wish that were me

[valid sun]

caring about other people's identities is dumb rule 1 of being gay is mind your business

[balmy pond]

yea fr

[unborn atlas]

the asker approached halimede with the intention of arguing, she responded with a bunch of seemingly contradictory concepts that we already have as a culture

the last two are a bit tongue in cheek I think but like

old news is real, loud silence is real

bi lesbians

iunno man nothing is real and everything is permitted

[bronze ocean]

who want to retweet halimede

who wants to play heaven will be mine

[unborn atlas]

what do this mean

[bronze ocean]

halimede is a character from heaven will be mine

[grand hearth]

Got a couple binders today from the affirming clinic today 🔥 🔥

[worldly lance]

so i just found out that my insurance covers tubal ligations 100% today lol i called my primary care soo fast

[unborn atlas]

Halimede is a legendary poster, defender of trans women to the detrement of all else

[bronze ocean]

so true

the bit is way funnier if you know the halimede lore imo

[unborn atlas]

my life has never been improved in any way by "knowing" "lore"

[bronze ocean]

so true

[spice sphinx]

Look girlie I’m sorry you asked a question about destiny and I lore dumped on you but you don’t gotta call me out like that

I’m autistic as shit!

[unborn atlas]

nah listen I'm curious about Destiny, the thing that puts me off more is the game it's housed in

and besides I don't need to know the lore to know Witness a cute

[spice sphinx]

Oh yeah totally the game itself sucks

[spice sphinx]

So true

[unborn atlas]

I am literally only interested in Destiny because warframe is my favourite sci fi setting

and people seem to compare them? or think there's some kind of rivalry between the bases?

[spice sphinx]

There’s not really much in the way of similarities

I guess they’re both sci fi series with a very unique artstyle that also have a lot of well written lore and world-building stuff

Although that last bit you kinda gotta dig for in warframe

And I must confess that whoever writes the lore books for destiny is insanely good at what they do, it’s honestly more entertaining to browse the ishtar collective site than it is to actually play the game

[unborn atlas]

huh

but yeah it's probably because space game

[spice sphinx]

Warframe is definitely ran by much cooler people and isn’t nearly as predatory too

[unborn atlas]

yeah but like

sometimes it's nice to play a game that has infinite money and resources

see how the other side lives

[valid sun]

hi transdome. anyone know what kind of tanktops i should buy if i want my chest to not be as obvious.. im buying new binders soon cause my current ones are too big and want to start working out more but it's kinda difficult when youre not supposed to work out w a binder (and so i tend to use my worn out ones which work a lot better but then also dont conceal my chest very well 👎)

[grand hearth]

you might find "women's" compression tops at sports supply places like Dick's Sporting Goods

my impression of these clothes is that theyre intended for physical activity while providing yknow. chest support

smth like these?

[valid sun]

hmm. i'll look into that but it looks like it shapes curves way too much iykwim

moreso looking for just a tank top that isn't too loose and hides side boob while also not shaping the body enough. if i have a little bust thats fine cause ive had days where my binder just doesnt work and really never have issues w passing but the gym is like a whole different beast and im not too familiar w how to approach it

[unborn atlas]

you could wear a baggy shirt over a compression top?

[valid sun]

yeah that's probably the easy solution it's just super hot here and im looking for something cooler

[unborn atlas]

yeah that's rough

[valid sun]

tis 90+ degrees plus 100% humidity soon itll prolly.be more like 100+ average

[frozen breach]

oh god thats like transmasc nightmare weather lol, binding sounds like it would be so fucking uncomfortable :(

my current setup is a sports bra and a men's muscle tank that's a couple sizes too big. this way i'm able to conceal my chest decently well while also not being super uncomfortable and overheated

i unfortunately can't remember the brand of sports bra, but they were pretty expensive, although they work quite well for a product that isn't explicitly meant to bind or compress

sorry this might not be like at all helpful but i figured i would share my perspective since im also trying to get into working out in spite of dysphoria and hot weather

[valid sun]

no that's all good i appreciate both yalls insight

lol im used to it cause binding is just as uncomfortable as just normally existing in that weather, if you stay hydrated you dont sweat as much and just stay in the shade if u can. i live near the beach so there's usually always breeze of some kind. the binder i have rn works as something more than a sports bra but less than a full binder but i might try the muscle tank idea. im usually worried that the tank shows my binder and might "out" me but again i have shirts that also sometimes show the straps and people assume it's another undershirt or dont mind it

cant use trans tape cause im extremely hairy everywhere and so also on my chest and i have a big chest

but i appreciate that

ive never rly used it cause when i first started HRT it wasnt really something i knew about and then further along i never shaved.. but i actually wanna know some people's experiences with it cause im ignorant to how it works

cant u like leave it on for a couple of days or smth

interesting

i follow this cis guy who uses it for gynecomastia

and he uses it whenever he works out

[empty goblet]

https://floridaphoenix.com/2024/06/11/federal-judge-blocks-ban-and-restrictions-on-health-care-treatments-for-trans-people/

fuck ron de santa

[valid sun]

Fucking awesome news thank you

[last pilot]

on my way back to home from my first sexologist appointment. Doc was super sweet and understanding. He even complimented my name choice

[spice sphinx]

These estrogen patches are insane like they don’t fall off in the shower or anything

I was so terrified of that when I started them

What evil eldritch horse glue do they make these things with

[valid sun]

lol yeah my dad uses testosterone patches bc of his disability and i asked him if he needed to cover them in the shower and he said nah

thats crazy

[chrome snow]

That's actually pretty dope.

[grand hearth]

when are we gonna get testosterone HRT in a patch smh

Well that might be a thing actually

It would be nice if it were a pill too but I think it’s not because it’s a bioavailability issue

[valid sun]

i knew a friend who used testosterone patches in 2020

it's very slow moving in regards to changes

he started getting a decent voice drop about a year and a couple months in

[grand hearth]

ahh gotcha

oh damn

[valid sun]

so thats why people aren't prescribed it unless you have an allergy to compounds like he did

[grand hearth]

interesting

[valid sun]

or if you're a cisgender male who needs a boost like that in the case of my dad

i dont think estrogen is the same way

but i could be wrong

[grand hearth]

yea not sure

[valid sun]

AFAIK e patches work well and are a normal prescription

[grand hearth]

oh well. I joked with my therapist that i like feeling like some scifi monster that’s dependent on injections of juice to live and he thought that was pretty funny

[valid sun]

im sure it's down to how they have to compound it

i always get people saying like

"omg arent the needles scary"

like nah but i always anticipate the pain to be worse than it is lol

[grand hearth]

For a while in the past I had a medication that was administered by injection so I think I got fairly used to self administering by the time I started HRT

[valid sun]

my dad helped administer my shots for like the first tear

year*

maybe year and a half

and then i started doing my own

he's a burn patient who had 73% of his body covered in 3rd degree burns, he was burned in 1992 and made a really miraculous recovery and regained all blood circulation in his limbs and only had some of his fingers amputated (which actually helped bc he was successfully able to argue in court that he was physically capable of holding a job but required disability benefits, so he was able to keep them and also work which is really hard to do) so he has really extensive knowledge on how to administer various things, dress wounds etc

he lost the ability to properly produce sodium and testosterone so he has to do HRT and he also has to eat copious amounts of salt lol which looks funny because he literally pours 6 salt packets on his fries

and i guess he doesnt care bc he loves salt or some shit

but that was a huge help for me bc of course my doctor showed me how to do it but he also gave me advice on how i should do my subq shots and where to do them where it hurt the least as well as how to notice the effects of HRT early on

cause for him it made a huge positive impact on his mood and emotional stability whenever they figured out that he needed it

sorry for the wall of text just thought it was good to share cause HRT is for everyone and i dont think a lot of cis people recognize how necessary it is

also sorry not Producing sodium but metabolizing it

[grand hearth]

wowww that’s like. Horrible that it happened to him, but that’s really great that he’s helping you with what he’s learned from his own recovery

[grand hearth]

he just like me fr

[valid sun]

yeah it was a really long road to recovery but hes still doing well and his benefits actually help us a lot financially and also with my own benefits for insurance and stuff lol so at least thats come out of it. he can do all tasks a person could normally do and most of the mechanic work he used to do he can do as well

Yah absolutely hes my best friend hes also autistic so he has the foods that he will eat for like 20 years and not get tired of

ol

lol

but regarding the court system yeah it's absolutely rigged, he had to lose two major organs to qualify for the ability to work and receive benefits from workers compensation for the rest of his life (so skin and fingers for his case) and otherwise he mightve never been able to retire

both my mom and dad are disabled and cant work so im the only one working but since they can claim me on their taxes for being in school yearly and under 24 i not only get max FAFSA benefits but my health insurance thru marketplace is $12 a month because i get a $336 tax credit

so like. should people have to go thru all that shit to get basic necessities. no 😵‍💫 but id say im privileged to have them anyways

but yea his autism food is a baloney sandwich with sourdough, mustard, cheddar and a ton of salt

sometimes black forest ham

and my mom thinks it's insane that he's been able to eat that almost every day for 20 years but autism be damned

[valid sun]

Try it and lmk how it is

i hate mustard so i cant stand it but maybe he'll be impressed if someone else likes ot

it

[valid sun]

i always know im a day late for my shot when i get cramps 🫠

somehow when i had cycles i never rly cramped meanwhile after starting HRT i understand what people say when their cycle cramps are what dying feels like

[valid sun]

did that tibi person get banned?

[unborn atlas]

WHAT

says she's still here

[balmy pond]

No lol they delete their messages after a certain amount of time

[unborn atlas]

you scared me!!!!

[clear zodiac]

fuck idk if i want to be referred to as male or female

i hate that society expects you to conform to having a gender

i just want to be me, but nooooooo, i have to be a "girl"

[grand hearth]

yeah, this is why I still consider myself nonbinary but transmasc

[unborn atlas]

it's difficult to find something outside the binary that fits

language wise

I'm feeling kinda boy today

[grand hearth]

yeaa ít be like that

I’m just Some Guy (gender neutral)

[unborn atlas]

I like being a guy (ungendered)

here is my guy fit

[grand hearth]

KFCMC FRANK SHIRT

the pants are very cool I’m jealous

[valid sun]

Awesome

i feel like your gender can be masculine without being male and same w feeling feminine without being female

like the base gender is nothing but right now it's more masculine/feminine

kind of also why i ID as male instead of masc cause my gender isnt masc or fem im just male

[valid sun]

also thanks for letting me know i was like wtf 😭😭 where they go

[grand hearth]

yeaaa i dont feel like a Man so I don’t really call myself a trans man

[valid sun]

see im weird about the trans man label

there's literally nothing wrong with it fyi but my personal stance of my own gender im a man whos also transsexual and i ID more as transsexual cause i feel like im changing my sex characteristics and not my gender cause ive always felt "male"

there's a lot of people who view their pre transition or childhood self as a different person but i view it all as me just a before and after. but all of it is valid

it's kinda the opposite example but how autists identify as autistic instead of person with autism

idk

[grand hearth]

this makes sense yea

[grand hearth]

yea I get this

I don’t feel like I’ve ever been a “girl”

In some respects I know what it’s like to live like one socially but it never felt like I was a woman

and any acknowledgement of being a “woman” would feel like a gut punch for some inexplicable reason (we know why)

[unborn atlas]

those vines are embroidered

[grand hearth]

yessssss it’s so cool

I need cooler clothes in general I just look like some tired guy who works at a skate shop

but so many clothes that look cool or that are my favorites in my own wardrobe are too warm for this weather

[valid sun]

ive improved my closet it used to be solely tshirts and basketball shorgs

shorts*

[grand hearth]

me rn

not entirely true I do have jeans/jean shorts and a huge chunk is business casual for school

and scrubs

[valid sun]

i have a few button downs now both like work clothes and corny tropical or car themed ones

[grand hearth]

ok yea I kinda have some of those

I’m trying to embrace my inner dadness

[valid sun]

LOL yea i get it

same

[misty harness]

tibi is the least likely person to get banned in this server lol

[grand hearth]

Tibi đã hoạt

fuck

Da Goat

However Zenoby is Da Goat Goat

[bronze ocean]

tibi so cool you start talking vietnamese

[grand hearth]

yes

[bronze ocean]

tibi won't get banned cause they secretly run the s-

[clear zodiac]

also kinda hard for me to find my name

[grand hearth]

Lowkey want to change my name to Samael legally so I don’t get called [REDACTED] anymore lol

[unborn atlas]

I have been doubling up on those 1 a day gummy vitamins

as in, taking the male and female ones

see what happens

[grand hearth]

You’ll reach peak gender concentration:..

[pulsar mortar]

reading this really made me realize how the restriction on hrt for some places really just shows the pure selfishness in the beliefs of conservatives. they literally forget that non trans/nb people need access to that kinda stuff too

[austere jay]

yeah tbh

to a degree labels are useless to me i only truly stand behind transsexual male

everything else is too subjective to properly name so i don’t bother

[unborn atlas]

descriptions rather than

taxonomy

[grand hearth]

going to construct a phylogenetic tree of my gender evolution

[spice sphinx]

That’s why in florida desantis’ cohort just straight up admits publicly and in their laws that they’re targeting exclusively trans people

And that’s also the reason his dumbass bill keeps getting ruled as unconstitutional

In a perfect world I’d be watching people like him get mauled in an arena or something for fun

[pulsar mortar]

true

watch matt beat up desantis preferably

[valid sun]

yea for sure

also sorry half way thru typing all of that i realized it sounded really intense (tbf it is) so i wanted to clarify like very much on the fact that my dad survived and is also very healthily recovered LOL i didnt want to make it too downer

[chrome snow]

I would challenge Ron DeSantis to a 12 round boxing match.

[valid sun]

Anyone ever get too tired to do their hrt

last time i did my t shot when i was tired i had to jab myself 3 times and i fucked up the dosage by 0.1 mL so i had to redo that and then i was about to inject but forgot to get the air out of the syringe it was a mess

now i realized i forgot to do mine but im tired

i should do it in the morning instead Tbh

Also omg im surrounded by trans people

theres like 2 trans people who work at this coffee shop downtown and 1 nonbinary person who works at the bookstore

[grand hearth]

yes lmfao

Idk I have to get all my stuff ready so some days I just. nap

[frosty ice]

i used to get a little high as part of my ritual to do my weekly e shot back when i was still a bit nervous about it

now it almost feels easier to do when sleepy

[pulsar mortar]

that’s such a cool ass fuckin box

[grand hearth]

lol I got it before Folx did a whole overhaul, they don’t send boxes like that anymore

I’m not using Folx now but hey, it’s a good box

[grand hearth]

oh hell yea

[misty harness]

I thought this was a gunpla supply drawer for a sec and was about to get excited

[valid sun]

i think stealthbros makes shit like that

i forgot if thats the name or not

[austere jay]

i like the stealthbros stuff just wish it didn’t have crossed swords on it because that immediately associates in my head as kalvin garrah related

[clear zodiac]

i'm going to buy boyshorts

[tardy creek]

@clear zodiac has leveled up! (7 ➜ 8)

[clear zodiac]

i heard they're more comfortable than other underwear

[valid sun]

LMFAOOOO

im sorry but legit same

[austere jay]

like i’d buy your stuff if it didn’t remind me of the worst guy alive

[valid sun]

idek if he still existed

he said he was a communist or something like yeah sure you are buddy

Like in 2019

[inland schooner]

someone i really do not like

like actually hate

learnt i was trans recently

from someone

i specifically told not to tell him because i have an irrational fear of being outed

like the dude who knows is also trans and hes never done anything personally against me, i dont like his character because hes shit i wont go into it but yeah now he knows and then brought it up immediately to a friend who luckily knows, but he acted oblivious

trans dome, is it irrationale to not want your privacy invaded? if you suspect someone is trans and they have NOT told you so, there is a fucking reason for it. kill yourself what the fuck

im so pissed off because now theres nothing i can do about it

[clear zodiac]

god didn’t have to make me a genderless emo boy but he did

[balmy pond]

@valid sun hey could i dm u about some stuff?

[valid sun]

yeah sure

[grand hearth]

Going to clinic for a last minute appointment to discuss discarding me boobs

They had no slots available this week except for 1 pm so I’m cleaning up to go

[frozen breach]

ooh good luck!!

speaking of boob discarding, i got a potential top surgery date today! bad news is that it is ten days before i go back to school for the semester, so i'm gonna have to move into my dorm, start the first week of classes, etc while not being fully recovered

and that is uh. kind of a scary prospect

although i guess it's better than waiting until january, which is really my only other option

[clear zodiac]

I’m going to get top surgery for my 19th birthday

[paper totem]

its so interesting how my mom claims that she's supportive of me being trans but as soon as i talk about Actual Transition Shit like hrt or legal name change she gets really frustrated and refuses to talk to me about it

like wow i guess you're supportive of me wearing clothes (even though you always phrase it as if it's unusual for me to wear what i do). id really love to have a body that doesnt make me viscerally uncomfortable to inhabit yknow? sorry if thats a bridge too far

she also has the stipulation that i HAVE to keep my deadname in my chosen name somehow and she keeps saying "just make it your middle name! nobody will know"

[grand hearth]

seems she might think it’s just a phase

so she is against anything permanent

[paper totem]

i dont think its that because she has been like "youve always been this way and everyone knows it! you should not feel ashamed to be out and proud" and yet.

it feels like every choice i want to make is fine in the hypothetical but actually putting it in motion is a bad thing

[grand hearth]

she can say that, but I do think she seems afraid of permanent change for any number of reasons

[paper totem]

probably

the unfortunate thing is that time keeps moving anyway

permanent changes will take place either way but unless i do somethiing about it they will be fairly shitty ones

[grand hearth]

you might try to spend some time really asking her about it

Instead of just bringing trans stuff up randomly it might be beneficial to have a specific discussion about why it makes her so upset

but your mileage may vary. from outside looking in she seems to want to be supportive

[paper totem]

i also told her about project 2025 and how completely terrified i am of it and she's like "that's not going to happen and if it does happen you're not moving out of the us"

just really scared and concerned about stuff i guess. dont see a way out

[clever badge]

sorry but the first thing that popped into my head when i read this was mr crabs being like "spongebob me boy im discarding me boobs"

[gentle hearth]

Had to explain to a cis person why I want FFS

Bro is like "you don't need it". I'm like yeah I do my browbone sticks out way more than a cis woman and bro goes like "yeah cause you're not a girl" 😑

Think I'm done trying to explain things so cis people.

[clever badge]

Im at dunkin donuts now is not the time for me to hear the funniest recording ever

[grand hearth]

LMAO

[misty harness]

shove bro in a locker

[gentle hearth]

Bro is on the "you're beautiful just the way you are" thinking but is cis so he thinks of surgery as some butcher with a knife. He means well but is just ignorant.

Also typical cis person I guess thinks trans people are always clockable

[frozen breach]

this image will never not be true imo

[gentle hearth]

Real af

[gentle hearth]

Androgyny is so comforting 😭 I hate it when people gender me in their heads. Who said you were allowed access to knowing my gender??? I'm wearing a full baggy tracksuit with a face mask and no one is able to know for sure what gender I am and it's just nice especially since I'm a work in progress I hate having people judge the work before it's finished.

[frozen breach]

"i hate having people judge the work before it's finished" you just explained some of my early transition anxieties so fucking well holy shit

it's probably a bit different for me because i'm a binary trans person and androgyny isn't my end goal, but i used to hate when people would hear my name/pronouns and go "well but you don't look like a man" cuz it's like. yeah no i'm aware of that. i'm on a fucking miles long wait list for hrt and top surgery and i don't own many men's clothes yet and i've been out for six months of course i don't fucking look like what you think a man should look like, but maybe the least you could do is refer to me in the way that i prefer? like is that so much to ask? idk this is a bit different from what u described but i guess that's my version of people judging me/my transition before the process is finished

being a trans person in public while you're mid-transition is so fucking vulnerable because you don't have the "mask" of presenting as cis to hide behind anymore but you also can't yet show the world who you actually are (i'm kinda generalizing here, but i'm very tired and i took an edible a while ago so i'm borderline incoherent lol)

[gentle hearth]

Thank you I'm pretty proud of that one lol

[gentle hearth]

Effectively I'm binary. My goal is to have people gender me female because I find the female form beautiful and I want to be beautiful. And the thought of being seen as a man wearing women's clothes really does scare me. I guess I just don't want to feel limited? Like I can present however I want and be beautiful? I think I just described what gender fluid people try to achieve. I don't fully know or have a label that's why I just say I'm a trans girl but right now any ambiguity I can achieve is very comforting being mid transition.

[gentle hearth]

I think that's another part of it. Being mid transition I am fearful of looking trans in the wrong place. I really hope I can achieve passing as a tall woman not just for my goals but also for me feeling safe

Sorry if I'm yappin lol

[gentle hearth]

Thank you 🥺

[bright bane]

I shouldn't have dug so far back in the closet

[paper totem]

niche gender envy of the day: this random extra from the 80s arnold schwarzenegger movie the running man

[gentle hearth]

now thats what i call gender

[clever badge]

i like this idea of niche gender envy maybe i will steal it

[paper totem]

i do have more

[gentle hearth]

Please do share

[dim sleet]

as a transmasc nonbinary guy alice glass circa 2010 is Peak Gender for me

she just gets it idk

[balmy pond]

same all my homies love Alice glass

[grand hearth]

ur so real for this

[dim sleet]

im so glad yall understand dhdgd

[grand hearth]

Had to think about it and I think it’s Daron Malakian for me

Mainly early SOAD

current Daron still gives me gender envy as well lol

HEHE

[paper totem]

ok heres my other niche one that sucks and is a little bit embarassing honestly

[unborn atlas]

don't you think that's a little disrespectful

[paper totem]

chris from the movie "it's pat". i cannot recommend anyone watch this movie

this is a warning honestly. not a movie worth watching

but i did! and it is a fascinating time capsule of a film

[dim sleet]

i do not understand how /gen i just really like how she dressed and did her makeup and hair back then ?

i am not calling her any less of the woman she is, thats not my intention at all i just love her look from back then

im gnc and i like how she expressed her femininity thats all i mean

[gentle hearth]

OMG SHE'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

[dim sleet]

im saying !!!!!

[unborn atlas]

whatever

[dim sleet]

i simply just enjoy her graphic t shirt, big eyeliner, vintage dresses, and colorful tights swag

[dim sleet]

i have seen a review of it before! the movie is very not good but the character designs are fun and cute :^)

im a sucker for 80s and 90s clothing

[paper totem]

it is honestly such an interesting rabbit hole to go down

[dim sleet]

the fact that this character started on snl is nuts to me

like it feels like no one knows about pat

which is that a good or bad thing idk they are not good rep whatsoever

their whole existence Is the punchline to my knowledge

[paper totem]

the fascinating thing about pat to me is that the joke of it was not intended to be what it was

[dim sleet]

oh?

[paper totem]

the actress who played pat (julia sweeney) has stated many times that the humor of the original sketches was meant to be about the absurd lengths the people around pat try to go to clock them

of course it was the 90s so Nobody read it this way

[dim sleet]

oh i hadn't heard that from the actress but that makes sense

[paper totem]

she's stated in recent years that she does regret the way the character developed and how the public treated the sketches

she actually had a part in a series called "work in progress" about a middle-aged lesbian and she played a fictionalized version of herself. the literal introduction to her character was the main character being absolutely horrified because she played pat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkQC8Srz4DY

very good show

[dim sleet]

oh sick i will save this for later, thank you for sharing :^)

[paper totem]

in some ways (and i know consciously that this was probably never the intent) i find the pat sketches relatable

like as a genderqueer person who presents as neutrally as i can

yeah! people do that shit

[dim sleet]

no absolutely

i do genuinely appreciate the actress being so upfront about not liking how the character was handled tho, i feel like alot of people just wouldnt even acknowledge it

[paper totem]

like with the full knowledge of the pat lore i find sketches like this really funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV4kBndQJlE

yea she has been very upfront about it

She added that Soloway’s criticism “just broke my heart, because I felt that I carefully wrote all the jokes to be about the people's uncomfortableness with Pat, not Pat being uncomfortable with Pat's self.”

“I always thought the joke was mostly about the people around Pat who were so flummoxed, so freaked out. We said at the beginning, the jokes are not on Pat,” she explained (although she admitted that Pat looks weird, drools and is generally annoying). “People aren't gonna laugh at Pat for Pat’s androgyny. We’re laughing at the people around Pat who can’t stand that Pat’s androgynous. That’s a subtle comedy thing.”

so yea. to me pat is just a really interesting microcosm of how gender noncomformity was treated in the 90s

[dim sleet]

"i just want a haircut" is a joke but thats for real how it is

people are like that when you are androgynous or gnc in any way !!!!

[paper totem]

it's so crystal clear to me that that was the original intent

but thats just my perspective watching the skits 30 yrs later

[dim sleet]

no i agree for sure like watching this As A Pat its very obvious

but alas some people cannot fathom humor without punching down smh

[paper totem]

"as a pat" sdfjkghdfzbgnk i should steal that

[grand hearth]

It’s pat was pretty bad but it oddly is like a t4t relationship in the movie which is Something

[dim sleet]

reclaim pat 2024 !!!!!

[paper totem]

chris deserved better

they deserved SO MUCH BETTER than pat

objective worst t4t relationship of all time

[grand hearth]

real

[dim sleet]

oh absolutely

[paper totem]

they should have gotten on that boat to tibet alone

but anyways the original point: i am gender insane about chris i have been searching for baggy cardigans like the stuff they wear ever since i watched the movie

costume designer deserved a raise

[dim sleet]

i wish you luck in your search 🫡

[paper totem]

its been a while i havent had much luck

yea iirc it was like. a cargo boat or a cruise ship or something

been a while since i watched it tho

[dim sleet]

thats a really good joke if they did that on purpose bdhdvd

guys im getting on the next boat to ohio

[paper totem]

also:

“A lot of the people who were there, well, all of them loved Pat,” she said. “They were little kids when they saw Pat and felt that was a transformative thing for them to see. … For me, that was so emotional. And when I left, I was really crying all the way home, because I felt like for the first time in 30 years, I felt proud of Pat.”

“Now I feel like, Oh, no. It was good and it was important, and now all these trans people that I met, this group of 10, all told me how important it was for me to have done that," she added. "So now I feel, okay, that was okay.”```

so LITERALLY it is happening

[dim sleet]

oh awww this is nice i think i really hope they continue with this in a genuine way

[paper totem]

https://people.com/julia-sweeney-struggled-with-infamous-character-pat-legacy-until-recently-exclusive-8672434

[unborn atlas]

oh we patposting?

https://youtu.be/ugM-dUiiRok?si=QzjF-fYsxNIpH_Ji

evasive is fun

thumbnails are just bad now tho

[clever badge]

i love every single one of her videos

when she posts it feels like a national holiday

i text my friends like "wake up bitch new evasive video"

[unborn atlas]

weehaa

[opal dock]

i got prescribed prog finally

[dim sleet]

testosterone made me more powerful solely bc i can do more character voices now 😎

[unborn atlas]

hey cool

[gentle hearth]

Fucking kill me. "Mr. I'm a badass and get tons of pussy" got transferred to the shop I'm working at, and he's homophobic and transphobic as fuck and might actually be smart enough to figure out I'm trans. I know this because he worked at my location a year or two ago when I thought I was cis. Pray for me fellas 😔

Also side note. Is "fellas" gender neutral? I find so often I try to replace a gendered word with a gender neutral term and I just don't know lol. Does anyone have a good resource for a list of gender neutral terms?

[paper totem]

i think fellas is more masc leaning than neutral, it would probably depend on the context though

"folks" is a good drop in replacement though

[paper totem]

this sucks. im not sure what can really be done but i guess its probably good to keep in mind that like

you can 100% just lie

you think i'm some other person from a different job? no i'm not. sorry

its literally fine. if it is a safety risk to be truthful don't speak it

[gentle hearth]

Ah, yeah I had a feeling. Good to know for next time.

[gentle hearth]

I'm unfortunately quite far from stealthing so he knows me unfortunately. But yeah I plan to lie to protect myself and not just from him. If someone asks why I have breasts I'll just straight up gaslight them lol. I think I'll be able to get away with the gynecomastia excuse until the hoodie weather comes back hopefully. 🙏

[paper totem]

you could try a sports bra/binder if noticeable breast development is a concern. sports bras are cheaper and less restrictive than a binder though which might be better if your work involves manual labor

[gentle hearth]

I'll probably go with the sports bra once it gets colder out. I've just been going without one cause with the baggy work shirt I'm wearing some could possibly see I'm wearing a bra in the right circumstance. Wish I could get away with one tho. I shouldn't have to feel so exposed :(

[last pilot]

Just came out as trans to my mom and she went “I knew don’t worry”

THE FUCK U MEAN U KNEW YOU LET ME SUFFER LIKE THAT

she doesn’t mind tho so that’s something

Preparing myself for the uncomfortable conversation about my new name and shit

[gentle hearth]

Hey I'm curious if any other of my fellow trans folks have a fear of body horror. Like I had to stop watching made in abyss after the elevator episode where nanachi became half bunny. It's actually traumatizing to me. And I have to wonder if it's connected to the fear of having a body that doesn't represent me physically. Idk I'm kinda yappin but I have to put my silly little thoughts somewhere.

[frozen breach]

that makes a lot of sense! for me it's kind of the opposite, in that i have a huge fascination with body horror, body modification, and body transformation in fiction. part of that is because i'm pretty into the concept of transhumanism, but also i think i just like the idea of transcending your original form in order to be reborn as something new. but like i said, it makes a lot of sense why a trans person would have a difficult time with body horror, just as much as it makes sense that one might enjoy it

[grand hearth]

Yeah I feel like body horror has always been like, a kind of self expression thing for me? Externalizing a constant disgust of own body etc

[balmy pond]

Yea the whole "at war with your own body" thing hits different man

[valid sun]

i never related to media with body horror but i can definitely understand why it would relate to other trans people

[grand hearth]

One of my main characters for a story writing has a whole body horror shtick and he’s transmasc lmfao and over time I’ve leaned into that connection a lot the more I’ve developed it

[spice sphinx]

I love looking back on old art and writing and stuff and going “wow yeah you were a little egg”

One of my creative writing projects in high school was about the corpse of a woman sealed in a porcelain statue

https://tenor.com/view/i-know-what-you-are-kobeni-kobeni-i-know-what-you-are-kobeni-chainsaw-man-kobeni-csm-gif-27187826

[misty harness]

so real

tfw think about all my writing back in school, realize that if I tried writing about a guy I would lose interest immediately and then would get lost in so many details when writing about a girl smh

[frozen breach]

this is so real

some of it doesn't come across as inherently eggy because i was very into drawing pretty girls when i was younger, but those drawings were the catalyst for me realizing i was a lesbian, and then later a straight trans man

but yeah like i'd write stories with male characters where i went into excruciating detail about their appearances, and looking back i now realize that those descriptions were pretty similar to what my transition goals are now

[gentle hearth]

Reading up on this convo has been really interesting! i wish i had time to reply to everyone. to everyone i appreciate the input!

[unborn atlas]

personally I find body horror to be quite comforting? I know that's strange tho

[misty harness]

yeah it's like, its creepy but it's also comforting to see my own anxieties expressed externally

signalis my beloved, though that's not strictly trans related, also a big part of my health anxieties

[valid sun]

i have a weird inability to relate to most things tbh

[chrome snow]

Portland Oregon soccer fans showing some love!

[gentle hearth]

It finally happened. I've been invited to go swimming

Now I have to figure out a boymodder swim outfit

[valid sun]

this is how i did it when i went to waterparks all the time both pre-t and early t: swim trunks with boxers on, tank binder if possible and then either a swim shirt or a big baggy shirt

if no tank binder then a baggy shirt works BUT make sure it will not reveal parts of your underarm and make sure the neck wont bend too far to your chest

when wet

[unborn atlas]

I nearly went to a pool party recently but I got too dysphoric and had to go home

[valid sun]

yeah i havent gone swimming in years

when i went to see my bf at disney before their internship was over their parents asked if i wanted to go swimming and we had to make up an excuse

(they were not aware i was trans but i came out to them at the end of the trip)

im kinda fine with it tho because my autism makes me very sensitive to water and i hate being wet. i live at the beach and dont bother swimming

[gentle hearth]

Yeah I got one of those compression tanks from tomboyx if I really need it, what sucks is they're still growing so they really don't like the compression. I managed to tell the person who invited me I couldn't make it, and he's chill enough that I just gave him the gynecomastia excuse and that I'd be embarrassed

[valid sun]

glad it worked out anyways, hope youre doing alright today

[misty harness]

yeah I haven't been swimming in years and probably will never again unless I am at a private pool with no one but my partner lol

[gentle hearth]

Thank you! ♥️ Same to you

[gentle hearth]

Maybe when I can pull off a tomboy wearing swim trunks look. Otherwise I feel the same lol

[digital geyser]

i should probably invest in a swim binder bc i rlly like being in water from an autism perspective. but also i have dyed hair which makes things complicated lol bc i hate the feeling of swimming caps

i wanna get more active so its probably a good plan bc i like water but again stuffs a faff

esp if i get more piercings also

[chrome snow]

I love being in the water.

I wish that I could go out to swim more.

[unborn atlas]

water is healing

[frozen breach]

i love water i love swimming rahhh

i'm so hyped for top surgery so that i may once again become one with the sea

i've tried binding while swimming as well as compression tops made for swimming, but it just makes it so hard to breathe (and also doesn't even bind that well)

i will not truly be free until i can swim in a rash guard with nothing underneath

[valid sun]

id like to be able to be shirtless while working out cause binding makes my shoulders hurt unless they're loose, the new ones i've gotten seem to work better though

my dad has been telling me to consider top surgery again without thinking of how it would benefit others' gender perception of me bc i think ive been like contemplating it for so long but deciding meh cause im not dysphoric rather ambivalent about my chest and surgery is very expensive

[digital geyser]

i think my priority currently is top surgery. i dont think i want hormones neccessarily until i’m older just cuz i might go bald. i dont wanna be bald when i’m young. i’m ok if i go on T in my late 30s and go bald then bc thats when ppl normally go bald. i also think it would cause me some dysphoria when i feel more nonbinary in my gender, even tho rn not being on T causes me dysphoria too. its a weird balance. but i dont want boobs lol

i’m on the waitlist for a GIC in the uk and currently im not planning on going private for anything

[frozen breach]

that's all very fair

and yeah i imagine navigating hrt as a nonbinary person is super complex

i mean for me i'm scared of going bald as well, but genetics are definitely on my side (nobody on my mom's side of the family is bald or balding, and my grandpa on my dad's side didn't start balding until he was in his sixties)

and at this point even if i start balding in my twenties or thirties, the relief that t has given me from dysphoria so far is more than worth it

[valid sun]

idfk my male genetics cause ive never met my bio dad but my hairline has receded a lot so i'm assuming it's on the way

can just stimulate hair growth to mitigate it if i really wanted but personally it doesnt bother me

[grand hearth]

I think my male genetics are generally pretty good

Dad still has his hair, and even my grandpa on his side has quite a lot

I’m going grey early lmfao which I’ve heard is a sign that hair will be retained into early age, but idk if that’s just anecdotal evidence

and if you do see signs of balding there are ways to counteract that too

[bright bane]

My mother's father was balding in high school I am COOKED 🙏🔥

[clever badge]

My dad is the only one of his brothers that has perfect hair so i hope i am fine…

[tender silo]

haha yeah all the guys on my moms side went bald at like 25

i’ve made my peace with it. being on t has made me so much happier and more comfortable in my body so idc if i bald, ill just shave it off and rock it

[tender silo]

on the earlier topic of swimming & being trans: i went to this local org called trans joy’s summer camp at the end of last month & it was amazing! most life changing part of it for me was getting to feel comfortable enough to swim shirtless (as i have spent a lifetime dreaming of doing). there were many trans people hanging out topless around the whole camp and it was just. so beautiful. that type of environment is the only one where i’d be comfortable doing that. i felt such a sense of community and connection with others & the earth like never before in my life during that whole weekend. i’m so fucking grateful <3

[timid burrow]

ohh thats awesome!

[tardy creek]

@timid burrow has leveled up! (11 ➜ 12)

[misty harness]

was this in Washington? I saw posters for it if so, it sounded really nice

[tender silo]

nah it was here in kansas :] glad to hear similar things are happening in WA !!

[valid sun]

omg my mom was born in kansas

[sturdy sluice]

looks like osu! ui

[sturdy sluice]

hehehehehehehe my mum said i could buy the celeste skirt (i dont own any fem clothes yet)

[chrome snow]

Big W

[digital geyser]

yeah. on the one hand i wish i could pass as perceived amab nonbinary instead of afab, but on the other hand i also like sometimes some afab features. facial hair is the big one, sometimes i really want it, sometimes i really donrt

(ik dividng nonbinary people up into afab and amab is often reductive but i mean as in some nonbinary people go about the world looking like cis people of one sex or another if that makes sense. sex and gender aren't the same thing and i think reducing a nonbinary person to their actual assigned sex is reductive. but like someone could take T or E and appear as the opposite assinged sex and still be nonbinary also, so i mean more what sex you're perceived as than what you actually are)

i hope i make sense im a bit eepy

[unborn atlas]

I feel like focusing on amab and afab is like creating a rube goldberg machine of politeness and ending back up on "what are you really"

[digital geyser]

i would be nonbinary if i were amab, i just feel like i would be more comfortable with my body more of the time in that scenario

[digital geyser]

i understand i just dont know how else to word "i would like to pass as the opposite sex". again a bit eepy

i think its really silly when people do shit like "looking for housing, only afabs allowed"

[frozen breach]

that shit makes me want to commit several felonies

one (1) cis-passing trans man (or trans woman for that matter) rolling up is all it takes to fuck that whole plan up

saying shit like "afabs only" implies that you can determine someone's birth sex by looking at them, which in turn implies that trans people do not ever pass

which is fucked obviously

[digital geyser]

but also from my own experience sometimes it is kinda relavant in, for example, a nonbinary t4t relationship? me and my partner are both nonbinary but opposite assigned sexes at birth which means in some scenarios we could be considered hetpassing even though we are both very very much nonbinary but it gives us some priviledge (for example we can appear as straight to my slightly dodgy about queer people parents). having said that i am also aware there is a whole element of erasure to us being able to do that

[digital geyser]

literally

[paper totem]

god yea. i cannot describe just how frustrating amab/afab language is to me personally as a very gender queer person (and also on a similar level the terms transmasc/transfem tbh)

[digital geyser]

i know this one enby who could very much be either assigned sex and on first meeting them i dont think you could necessarily get right which one it is. they are a very incredibly nonbinary person

there is also the apsect that this language is very erasing to intersex people

there's a good video by the youtuber ashton daniel on this who talks aobut the specific example i mentioned earlier of afab only housing

[frozen breach]

yeah i mean i'm not nb so i can't really talk, but from my observation it kinda feels like there's this pressure for nb people to look perfectly androgynous, and also like there's an obsession with trying to figure out a non binary person's birth sex so that people can treat them as either girl lite or boy lite. if that makes sense idk

[digital geyser]

more often than not the language is used by people to exclude amabs and the term has objectively been used to equivicate transfem and esp non-passing people who were assigned male or are perceived assigned male with men

[digital geyser]

no yeah actually

[frozen breach]

yeah it's vvv transmisogynistic

[paper totem]

that's pretty much what i have going on. like i take a fair amount of effort to present as neutrally as possible and people still like sorting me into "well they seem transfem/transmasc" which just. eugh personally

[digital geyser]

a trans-inclusive women's only society in my uni said i could join because i'm afab, which to me is incredibly erasing of my identity. even though i am nonbinary i identify so much more with being a man

[paper totem]

im not some puzzle to be figured out im literally just a person

[digital geyser]

which is how i shouldve phrased my first statement about passing i think

if i were born male, i would probavbly still identify more with being a man while also being nonbinary

and i would rather appear as a man than as a woman physically

but sometimes my genderfluidity means i would prefer to be fully androgynous

[digital geyser]

that is so eugh im sorry about that

[paper totem]

its whatever i just roll with the punches these days

[digital geyser]

i think a main cause for this is that people, despite wanting to be supportive and allies to nonbinary people, still often have the fundamental ideas of binary gender enforced in their mind .its hard, esp if ur not involved in this discourse a lot, to undo something you were taught as a child (which is why its good for children to learn about the diversity in gender). so they use afab and amab to cling to some idea of things still being binary

[paper totem]

never really confirm or deny i just kinda let people believe whatever they want

[digital geyser]

if you've been raised a girl and you've been told your whole life that people born male are a danger to you, when those people can be the same gender as you and you don't want to be a full on terf, there might be an instinct to cling to sex to still exclude while trying to be diverse about it

(veers onto terf that example but i think thats the cause of "afabs only" housing and other bs)

hence those women and nonbinary groups

i also think there is a lack of representation of nonbinary people who are more masculine in media. it feels like most major well known nonbinary people are either fem or androgynous. having a beard and being nonbinary feel mutually exclusive, especially if you are openly assigned male at birth

like people will be like "nonbinary people are lesbians" until it is a nonbinary person who is visibly assigned male at birth (or equally a transmasc who has taken T)

(thousand yard stare about who can be a lesbian discourse i want my algorithms to stop showing me it please)

also i think a lot of this comes from not interacting enough with trans ppl irl. i think a lot of trans people who are online a lot end up congregating in spaces made up of mostly very similar trans ppl. going to uni i have met a far more diverse range of trans ppl than i did in my much smaller, all girls school environment and its helped a lot on my perspectives of the trans community

[valid sun]

that's basically the sum of it

[digital geyser]

(im very lucky that the trans community in my uni is fantastic. obviously some irl trans communities can suck ass)

[valid sun]

people dont have an IRL trans community so theyre used to being in online spaces which predominantly comprise of echo chambers

[digital geyser]

yeah

[valid sun]

especially when other trans people are insecure and lack IRL community they project that onto other people and it becomes a chain, so it further hurts everyone involved

that's kind of how discourse starts in my opinion

[digital geyser]

yeah

definitely

and when you meet people irl, you're far less likely to attack them for their identity than if it were online. people get so much brazan online and when oyu meet these "crazy transtrenders" irl in an environment where it would be unnacceptable to be mean to people like people are online, you get to see the humanity in people you wouldve otherwise dismissed (this isn't the mindset i went into uni with, but i'm giving an example. for me i was a tad shocked how accepting things were given the internet i grew up on as a trans person)

i know i would be called a "crazy transtrender" by people online for the way i present. irl, i can show up to an event with all trans people in a skirt and be called he/they anyway

[valid sun]

yeah the majority of the people im friends with IRL who are trans are more gnc

[digital geyser]

i know a mix irl. i think most of the trans ppl i know are some flavour of nonbinary

i know a few binary trans ppl too but yeah

[valid sun]

either that or have to "mode" cause theyre not able to be stealth

lol i'm the only binary trans person i really know IRL but im not bothered by that

most of my friends in general are transfem

[digital geyser]

my house is a bunch of nonbinary trans ppl and one trans woman lol

[valid sun]

i dont have an IRL trans community but that's bc i dont rly participate in my local "community" socially speaking

though i do know LOTS of trans people, the island is kind of a hot spot for all ranges of queers

[digital geyser]

the trans ppl at my uni often like to congregate together to study or in different hobbies. so a lot of us are very familiar with each other irl

[valid sun]

i look at online queer discourse and cant help but roll my eyes into my skull cause genuinely think about saying that IRL and see how people will react

[digital geyser]

yeah real

[valid sun]

you look stupid and hateful

grow up

[digital geyser]

its so silly genuinely. i do understand how it happens, i was once a baby gay on the internet, but also like you will look back and think about how immature you were

[valid sun]

oh youre in uni do you dorm there?

[digital geyser]

when i was like 14 i was a transmed it was so cringe

[valid sun]

same but like at 13

[digital geyser]

im living in a shared house currently (i was in a uni provided flat before (it was an "all women's flat" which was very ironic but i booked it to appease my parents - i wasnt even the only trans person lol))

so i picked who i lived with. i didnt get coincidentally thrown into a house with a bunch of trans ppl we chose to live together

(it also wasn't really intentionally an all trans house it just happened that like all of my friends are trans)

[valid sun]

i see

[digital geyser]

i think my closest friend at uni who isn't trans is a cis lesbian on my course

[valid sun]

i go to a community college but it's about a 15 minute walk from my house

most people i know are older gay men or bisexual women

talking like 40_

40+

[digital geyser]

ah my uni is quite far away from my parents house

[valid sun]

i live w my parents still cause rent is high 🔥

and they know i cant afford it

[digital geyser]

fairrr. we lucked out and got a really cheap rent

for a pretty good house too tbh. i really like it there

[paper totem]

i think not interacting with people in the real world is really the root of it all. lot easier to sort people into boxes that really dont exist when you only interact with abstractions of others

[valid sun]

seeing someone's face changes everything 💯

[digital geyser]

my uni is also generally pretty progressive. there's a group of cool ppl on my course i hang out with sometimes and most of them are cis, (not sure about het though lol, also very neurodivergent group of ppl) and ive had them be very accepting. i met a lot of them in a dress and they were understanding of my masc name etc, same with when i changed my chosen name last december to a different one

its nice being in the uk and having an accepting trans environment

[paper totem]

and this is something i admitedly struggle with sometimes myself! i do not get out much and there are not many queer people around me so internet communication is the best i have to reach people like me

[digital geyser]

prior to uni i was so much more online, its crazy how much thats changed since uni

(my lastfm scrobbles went down significantly)

[valid sun]

this but it's when i got a job

[digital geyser]

that was maybe the biggest change in my life when i started

i wasnt expecting it

everytime i go back to my parents house from uni, i regress back to being a 16 yo essentially

im going from hanging out with my partner everyday in our house for a week to seeing one friend in the entire week ive been back here

and like one hangout planned with anyone in the next two weeks

[valid sun]

it happens honestly i think it's the environment change more than anything

[digital geyser]

yeah

esp if u live in halls/dorms/student housing etc

i lived a 5 minute walk away from all my mates in first year, and now i live in the same house as my 3 best friends (excluding my internet best friend 😔they live in the states)

i'm in the uk for reference

[valid sun]

oh cool i have a couple friends in scotland and near yorkshire

[digital geyser]

you can tell you're a trans person with lots of trans friends when most of your hangouts consist of talking about /doing ttrpgs and playing magic

/hj

[valid sun]

i know someone at my college who is just like that

[digital geyser]

my partner and i invited a bunch of mutual friends over and i'm literally playing a dnd campaign with everyone who was there except one person's partner

not cmapaign oneshot

[digital geyser]

this is the vibe of a lot of the trans ppl ik irl tbh

we're all a tad nerdy

i think its cuz its a very neurodivergent trans community

[digital geyser]

thats cool!! i'm welsh and a northerner (northern england) :D

my uni is in another part of the uk to where i'm from though and i dont meet a lot of ppl from places i'm from there

its mostly ppl from further south than me

we also have quite a lot of international students which is cool. i have lived with 3 french ppl somehow (not all at the same time)

[frozen breach]

this!!! also not having positive irl community. i interacted with people a lot in high school, but they all kind of sucked and were transphobic, so i became kind of jaded about irl friendships with folks my age, but then i went to college and i was like oh having friends in real life is awesome when they don't suck actually

[frozen breach]

this is sosososo real

[valid sun]

that's dope

wales flag is the best ome

[digital geyser]

real

wales 4 life

[gentle hearth]

How is everyone doing? I haven't been too active here and I hope everyone is doing well :)

[valid sun]

im good im mentally preparing for my t shot tomorrow (im always late)

[timid burrow]

i just wanna move countries or smth at this point this election sucks kamala doesnt actually care about fighting for trans people at all shes just saying it for votes

[austere jay]

off topic but need advice if anyone knows how to get a hysterectomy at a younger age hmu

need this thing gone but they won’t give me the time of day if i’m not over 25. any pointers are appreciated

[timid burrow]

where do u live?

[austere jay]

united states west coast

[gentle hearth]

I wish you luck!

[frozen breach]

^^^ seconding this question!! would love to be able to get hysto while i'm still on my mom's (very good) health insurance

i'm on the east coast though so advice that applies to vinny might not apply to me and vice versa

[austere jay]

it’s genuinely fucked up that it’s age locked

it’s actively declining my health to not get it removed

[frozen breach]

real asf

and even if it wasn't detrimental to my health, just the knowledge that it's in there is so dysphoria inducing

[valid sun]

a hysto is genuinely harder to get than top surgery age barrier wise it's crazy

my friend who got top surgery at 17 in NY can't get a hysto atm

[marble oak]

Yo

I'm not trans, just wanted to pop in and say y'all seem like really cool people :D

[unborn atlas]

not me!

[frozen breach]

oh that's good to know; i'm currently 17, in NY, and about three weeks out from my top surgery. i'm very excited and grateful, don't get me wrong, but it kinda sucks to know that being fully "post-transition" is a bit further off than i thought

for me personally, being medically post-transition means >5 yrs hrt, >2 yrs post top surgery, and fully healed from hysto. and i'd like to achieve all those things asap obviously. dysphoria is no fun :(

[valid sun]

you need to have been on HRT as a youth and need letters from parents and doctors as well as a GD diagnosis of at least 2-3 years

[valid sun]

i understand the mindset

for me personally i feel post transition cause im stealth

it's definitely an individual thing

[valid sun]

(for reference he started HRT at 15)

other person who got top surgery young that i know is my friend miguel i believe he got it at 18 or 19 but he started HRT at 16

he lives in arizona

[paper totem]

goddamn that is wild

[valid sun]

i started HRT at 14

if i went to dr freet jn houston with insurance it's likely he would take me

someone said it was $4k for them with BCBS because he takes insurancr

dr allan in plano does it too but doesnt take insurance and has a flat cost of $7965 iirc

it also helps if you already changed your legal info but you absolutely need doctors letters, meaning both your GP and a psychiatrist

i thought about getting it but im still too unsure tbh it doesnt cause excruciating dysphoria really if any for me

but it's inconvenient

also expensive

and i need to be out of work which is a no no

it's a very intensive surgery and honestly it scares me i commend anyone who gets it

yeah definitely

thats also why i havent gotten it

just too much other stuff in my life rn and it's not very important to me that i get it atm

[chrome snow]

LIE!

I think ur cool zenoby

[unborn atlas]

thankyou jjjosie that's very sweet and kind of you to say

[clever badge]

that internal dialogue of both loving being trans but also wishing i was born in the right body in the first place

I feel like it's easy to think, "Why can't I figure out the right answer to this?" but in this case I don't think there is a right answer

Yes, I do wish I were afab. I wish i could have gone through my entire life never knowing how awful it feels to be in the wrong body... but I am also so happy that I am trans at the same time

It's just a mental dilemma that I have to learn how to live with, and the form it takes will also change as the years move on, and as my own body and mind change while transitioning

I just. wanted to put this somewhere where people will get it or at least understand wtf im talking about lol

[digital geyser]

gender is so freaky cuz why am i strictly no she/her but the phrase "she is my boyfriend" wouldn't give me dysphoria

[frozen breach]

this is so interesting to me because i feel like i would personally hate "she is my boyfriend", but i feel like i would be more chill with "he is my girlfriend"

although "he is my boyfriend" is preferable because. am boy

idrk why some feminine gendered language is more bothersome to me than others

[grand hearth]

I only go by they/them but I like when my gf calls me boyfriend :)

[unborn atlas]

I call my boyfriend my wife and my girlfriend occasionally

we get funky with it

that's that nonbinary spice

[digital geyser]

my girlfriend has also been both my partner and my boyfriend at different points despite always being nonbinary since our relatiosnhip began

[digital geyser]

for me being called a girl makes me very uncomfortable

not quite as bad as woman though

[unborn atlas]

I'm an old woman

[frozen breach]

that reminds me of how wonderful it is to know that i get to grow up into an old man instead of an old woman

[unborn atlas]

that was a motivator in my own transition

but in reverse

yanno

[grand hearth]

sometimes I forget how miserable I wouldve been if I didn’t decide to transition

[frozen breach]

right like i look at my life rn and i'm like. i did not realize i was physically capable of being this happy and content and alive holy shit

there have been other factors to that improvement (autism diagnosis, psych med adjustments, going to college, getting out of my hometown, etc), but transition is the big one

i was thinking today about how much more motivated i am to take proper care of my body now that it's actually starting to feel like it belongs to me and i'm not dissociated from it 24/7

[valid sun]

yea exactly

idk where i would be without transition rn

feel like a whole different person than 6 years ago in a good way

[clever badge]

realized last night that the Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion was probably the first truly big sign of me feeling trans . but i just didn't know that I could be trans at that point lmao

long story short, on a personal level the octo expansion very much feels like a trans allegory which explains why ever since i've had the option at 12 years old I have always played as octolings

tee hee giggle

[austere jay]

top surgery consult in t minus 30 minutes

[digital geyser]

good luck!

[valid sun]

what's the correlation between being a gay transsexual bear and all of the people you get along with the most being lesbians

my new coworker that i get along with very well is a stud, my best friend irl jay is a stud, my best friend online (not close to anymore but still friends with) was a butch, and the regulars who get along with me the most are lesbian couples

[balmy pond]

Probably not anything significant

Transbian here, a lot of my closest friends when i was younger were trans dudes or cis gay guys

I feel like it might be one of those things for the brain worms to hyperfixate on, I don't think it means a whole lot

[bright bane]

Maybe it's like that opposites attract thingy

I have yet to befriend a lesbian but a lot of the women I hang out with are bi

[valid sun]

i can see that

[valid sun]

yea i dont think it really means anything i just think it's a cool coincidence lol

[balmy pond]

Yea I feel that lol

I feel like cis lesbians are super easy to talk to for me and it makes me feel good lol

My therapist is a an enby lesbian; hand-to-god best fuckint therapist I've ever had, it's insane to me the progress I've had with them

All this to say lesbians are cool af

[digital geyser]

so true, they are honestly often the nicest ppl ive met and they often have rlly cool fashion (one of the lesbians i know is rlly into jfashion for example and also makes her own fursuits and its so cool). obviously lesbian doesn’t equal awesome and cool automatically, but its such a based label honestly with its history and so on. tiktok has ended up giving me a lot of lesbian content over the years and from what i see lesbians are a really vibrant part of the community and often push boundaries of gender and gender roles in unique ways to them

i wish transphobic lesbians didn’t exist, they make the rest of their community look so bad

for any lesbians on here

(i am not a lesbian but i thought this emote was great)

[misty harness]

shoutout lesbians

[digital geyser]

[clever badge]

woah im one of those

[frozen breach]

as a former lesbian myself, lesbians are awesome and rad, huge shoutout to lesbians

i used to have this dumb joke i did where i said that i hated being a lesbian so much that i decided to become a straight trans man, and then one of my trans lesbian friends made the joke that she hated being a straight guy so much that she decided to become a lesbian, which is a fair response lmao

[bright bane]

Not many things give me gender euphoria but stuff like this makes me go insane with joy

[grand hearth]

I think I’m confusing new people at school by coming out of the women’s restroom which is affirming and scary!

I think I’m starting to significantly look and dress masc which is why

I have to piss and don’t use a urinal leave me alone,,,

[clever badge]

i've come a very long way with my voice. 3 years ago i think it was all adams apple but now im getting called Ma'am over the phone at work
and now i have discovered that the only masc impression i can do is Patrick Bateman if he were trans masc and trying to lower his voice to pass better

weirdest form of gender euphoria

[timid burrow]

teach me ur secrets🙏

[timid burrow]

thats awesome!

[clever badge]

Literally all of my voice “training” has been me forcing myself to sing an octave up in falsetto and talking/emoting higher than my natural range no matter how unnatural or difficult it was

I never did a regiment of any sorr

Just pushed myself to grow my range

[timid burrow]

ohh ill try that

[clever badge]

I will say, it may not be the most efficient

Because its taken 3 years from when i started

Also something that oddly helped is screaming?? I practiced with mg songs and just screamed as high as i could

And. My voice gets destroyed but 3 days later it comes back with newfound Girl power or something idrk

[digital geyser]

honestly the fact screaming machine girl made your voice higher is beautiful

[valid sun]

ive been trying to figure out religion and my transsexuality for the longest time and am considering genuine conversion to quakerism cause it honestly resonates exactly with how i view theism and nontheism coexisting (quakers can be theists but many are nontheists or atheists) as well as leaving the afterlife an open ended question and emphasizing that you must do good for others in your life regardless of who they are. figured out that they were some of the first people to advocate for slavery abolition as well as gender equality and same sex marriage rights. i havent said anything offical because i want to take it seriously but i dont really have any other place to put it 🤷‍♂️ they recently put out a letter condemning all political attacks on trans and gender diverse people as a violation of human rights too

[pulsar mortar]

i got a haircut today my sister said i looked like a boy (not in a positive light but i don’t care!!)

[last pilot]

Been there, back in January when I got my haircut my aunt looked at me and went “you look like a boy” as an joke. like yeah that was the point thank you very much

[digital geyser]

yk i should’ve realised i was trans when my parents asked if i wanted to cut my hair short when i was 12 to look like kpop men (basically the only men i saw in media bc i was hyperfixated on kpop) and i couldn’t say no fjskg

(i’m white btw so obviously could never look like a korean man but still the gender thing is funny)

i had convinced myself it was to look like the lesbian i had a crush on and tbf it was a factor…but not the only one

[clever badge]

shoutout to hair fr

when i grew mine out when I was 11/12 everyone said i looked like a girl. and while i didn't know i was a girl yet, I still was and i didnt understand why looking like a girl was a bad thing

also when i did sports and the coaches would call us girls in a demeaning way I always thought it was so cool

[unborn atlas]

I got the nonbinary side shave because I wish to convey maximum slurritude

[clever badge]

one time my dad said he didnt like my hair when it was girly and i literally did not know how to respond because i loved it like that

[clever badge]

true. that is the most non binary haircut

blue hair side shave and nouns

[unborn atlas]

we getting stereotypical up in this shituation

[unborn atlas]

mine's more like a skrilly

it's long

[clever badge]

i love joking that to fully transition i need to become bad at driving. disclaimer that i am not misogynistic and dont believe women suck at driving. were that not obvious

[unborn atlas]

sorry I couldn't read this because of all the

GAY SEX

I was having

I can't drive anyway

[clever badge]

is this a flex on my lowly 'no bitches' life 🥺

[unborn atlas]

https://tenor.com/view/i-dont-know-who-you-are-i-dont-know-what-you-want-gif-9937446

[clever badge]

woah.. i had no idea you were liam neeson.....

[unborn atlas]

what no

I'm Zenobia Goat haha :)

[frozen breach]

all of the hair talk is interesting to me as a trans guy with long hair

i cut my hair really short near the start of my transition, but even though it helped me pass, it never really felt like me. once i got on t i decided i was gonna grow my hair out, and my goal was that by the time my hair was long enough that it would maybe cause me to get misgendered, i would have facial hair and a masculine frame, which would cancel it out

i have a couple of transfem friends who want to try out shorter hair (one of them wants a buzz cut and i think she'd fucking rock it), but they wanna wait until hrt has feminized them more so that they can still pass

[grand hearth]

my college roommate had a similar cut and was also NB lol

[frozen breach]

it sucks to feel like you have to choose between expressing yourself and being gendered correctly

[grand hearth]

they’re cool I should catch up with them

[digital geyser]

i want to have long hair as a trans guy but i just wouldnt pass ik passing isn't necessary but for me i like having the option of it and when i look too much like a girl i go insane

[grand hearth]

i think i'm gradually able to pass (esp if it's like a small ponytail) but i think it would be fun to be able to pass as a wasian jesus every now and then

facial hair growth is being stubborn and is happening very slowly

[frozen breach]

ugh fe it's so annoying

like i have it all over my face, but it grows super slowly and you can barely see it

[grand hearth]

I’m developing a neckbeard a lil bit

I do have some sideburns coming in though so maybe it won’t look too bad

[frozen breach]

neckbeard and sideburns is also where mine is mostly coming in

that's why i've been shaving lol

turns out when you're a fat nerdy white dude who likes wearing graphic tees and cargo shorts, you really have to avoid facial hair below the chin if you don't want people to think you're a weird incel

[spice sphinx]

Need to dupe a chaser into giving me money for electrolysis or something

Queen shit

[strong heath]

type shit

[grand hearth]

making peace with this lowkey

I’d rather look like a nerdy gamer guy than a woman , and if they make fun of how I look for it, they should mind their own damn business

I reasonably trim hair for my appearance in the professional environment I’m in, but I’m never going to please everyone and I don’t intend to

There’s always going to be at least one person who thinks you’re ugly. And motherfucker, I’m ugly as FUCK

[frozen breach]

ok that's actually a really good mindset. i think ever since i started transitioning i've been hyper-aware of how my presence makes other people feel, especially women, because i really don't want people to be more guarded and uncomfortable around me than the bare minimum for "unfamiliar man", but as a result i've also kind of forgotten that i'm allowed to take up space and look the way i want to, y'know?

[frozen breach]

young and arrogant as well, perhaps...

[visual glacier]

Hello trans

[unborn atlas]

hello

[ebon sequoia]

Hai 👋😊

[ebon sequoia]

Transgender? I hardly know her!

[stuck portal]

would you trust joe biden if he had to operate on you for sex reassignment surgery

[paper totem]

no. anyone felt a crisp and refreshing breeze lately

[spring crescent]

yes. in this heatwave it is imperative

[stuck portal]

i live in hell (the carolinas) so i havent been graced with any enjoyable breezes in like a month or so 💔

i need autumn. i need to enjoy the weather

[hallow bronze]

I wish there was autum where I live

[tardy creek]

@hallow bronze has leveled up! (0 ➜ 1)

[hallow bronze]

(jesus christ fucking jumpscare) do we think I can file snake bite piercings under gender affirming care?

[stuck portal]

unfortunately not 💔

but they are so Gender however.

[hallow bronze]

I knowwwwwwww

I'd love to eventually also get a split tongue, that would fix like 60% of my problems

[misty harness]

yall do you think i can give myself the scarlet rot? would that count as gender affirming care?

[stuck portal]

do yall reckon i could become ghostly and fickle and malnourished

[unborn atlas]

hey guys do y

[stuck portal]

i need to look like a zombie but without all of the negative health effects

[hallow bronze]

real

lately I've wanted to pilot a mech but in a trans way

[misty harness]

my gender fluctuates between these

[hallow bronze]

oh hell yeah

[frozen breach]

that's so real

i love mech and cyborg shit it all feels so transgender to me

dae think tetsuo the iron man is a very trans-coded movie (and gay-coded tbf)

[hallow bronze]

ooooh I'll add it to my watch later

[misty harness]

we did a movie night for that a few months ago here

[hallow bronze]

dang

[frozen breach]

i remember seeing that message! i think that may have been before i started being active in this server so i wasn't able to attend, but i made a bunch of my friends watch it back in february and it reminded me how much i fucking love that movie

irl friends not discord friends to be clear

[stuck portal]

tetsuo is like the only movie ive ever been actually intrigued by

it also may have subconsciously helped snowball my trans awakening

[hallow bronze]

Speaking of trans movies, gotta watch I saw the TV glow

[random matrix]

I just got here and skimmed through some stuff and saw we were talking about trans guys with long hair?? So uh hi here I am lol

It was just pride weekend here hence all the glitter

Also the fuck puppet from fuck puppet lowkey one of the tboys I legit thought it was about bottom dysphoria the first time I heard it

[unborn atlas]

fuck puppet is a tboy song for real for real

[timid grail]

i've also literally always thought that it's why i love that song so much

in my gender playlist for a reason

[frozen breach]

it's my all time favorite mg song for a reason

i remember the first time i actually listened to the lyrics and i heard the line "i wish i could fuck you like a real boy" and the way matt says it is so fucking raw and i genuinely almost cried

[frozen breach]

oh sick dude, you look great! i always love seeing other trans guys who rock long hair

[inland schooner]

for me, full metal dipshit was my trans song because the last thing i said on the operating table for top surgery was "under the knife i go" LOL

[grand hearth]

that’s mine as well

no top surgery yet tho

[random matrix]

Top surgery was my first time under general anesthetic so I was more just freaking out not knowing what to expect lol

[tardy creek]

@random matrix has leveled up! (0 ➜ 1)

[stuck portal]

general anesthetic is so joyous

its not even like sleep where you kinda process time you go under and then you wake up. i love that

[sturdy sluice]

u just kinda exit and then come back feeling like a rectangular prism made entirely of tungsten

[inland schooner]

i was chill it was my first time too, i just kinda figured id sleep. i had a revision under local which was super weird but not terrible

[whole monolith]

i think like all of gemini is my most gender machine girl pick

even if theres no matt vocals like its drenched in nonbinary/gender fluid themes

[lean harbor]

i'm so tired

wassup faux

[stuck portal]

we up suffering

[chrome snow]

Aaa I love ur hair!

[honest lake]

holy shit i just realised this server is like a trans paradise goddamn

[random matrix]

Thank you :3

[hallow bronze]

I've seen like 3 people with my chosen name here since yesterday, smh I thought I was unique </3

[lean harbor]

how many u freaks named autumn

[misty harness]

big brain move is name yourself something super fucking basic like sarah and you'll never meet a trans person with your name

[lean harbor]

lol mines isabel

worked like a charm

[grand hearth]

just remembered that in my dream i re-named myself Jacket

short for the Full Metal Jacket bullet

my name in real life is Not jacket

[paper totem]

have u watched i saw the tv glow

[lean harbor]

no.

it can't be.

is her name isabel

[paper totem]

ya

[stuck portal]

first name Not Jacket last name Systems

[grand hearth]

yea

[lean harbor]

welp. it was a good run.

still trend setting

🤷‍♀️

[paper totem]

its a good name

[stuck portal]

aint eva met a bih named Julia

[paper totem]

i have the most lame ass chosen name ever tbh

[grand hearth]

i've been wanting to change my full name to something more masc, legally

but i could just keep my short name i guess

[lean harbor]

thx :3 i liked it because it's got lots of nicknames and throughout my life i've always had nicknames

so far isa and sabe are my favorite

[lean harbor]

you got this

i haven't even changed my email after over a year

ror

[valid sun]

changing ur name and sex marker legally is like a crazy process it took me 2 months i think 😑

all the things u need for it

[lean harbor]

yeh . at this point . 🤷‍♀️ you either get it or ya don't . fuck it all .

BUT

sounds nice :3

[grand hearth]

hi suffering nneedlessly i'm dad!

[valid sun]

in my state there's no laws regarding it at all so it's up to the judge individually

so if u get a shit judge

[grand hearth]

i'm in Kansas which recently did not rule favorably for that :P

[valid sun]

🤷‍♂️

[lean harbor]

huh . weird .

[valid sun]

texas is gonna rule it away soon anyways

if whats his name is still in office

[grand hearth]

don't really intend to do the legwork anytime soon. too much shit goin on

[lean harbor]

yeah i had to tell my lil cousin he has to move out of kansas and start hormones . he was the first person to message me after coming out publicly .

[grand hearth]

you will call me by the name i sign off as in my email.

[valid sun]

It happens

[grand hearth]

i've got a great gender affirming clinic shockingly enough

[valid sun]

my judge had a transsexual son

so she did my name AND asked for my sex marker change

originally i didnt file for a sex marker change

[grand hearth]

almost a year on T

[valid sun]

Boom

[grand hearth]

have to find a way to celebrate

[valid sun]

i'll be 5 years in october

[lean harbor]

i just celebrated my 1 year on 4/20

[valid sun]

lol thats cool

[lean harbor]

had to do it to em

[valid sun]

oct 6th is my HRT anniversary and oct 31st is my name sex markerbone

October is my trans month right after my birthday month

i dont wanna be 19 in september

too many responsibilities

[lean harbor]

i can't find the pictures but a bunch of friends got me dog related birthday cards , cake , and a collar . i was like yo quit . LOL

nobody told me it was male to canine

i wasn't ready for this

[valid sun]

LMFAO

then im FtF (female to feline)

[paper totem]

m t wlfgrl

[lean harbor]

but i totally walked into work today wearing the collar and i was like . god damn it .

i mean it's not a bad accessory i can't even front

shits tight

i mean . .

it's kinda hard

[frozen breach]

see i thought i was doing this with oliver but i didn't learn that that was a stereotypical trans guy name until my legal name change had been fully processed

i don't regret it though i think oliver/ollie suits me really well even if it's clocky

and the only other oliver i know in real life is cis, sooo 🤷‍♂️

[valid sun]

Everyone has that 1 friend with the clocky name it's a rite of passage. nothing wrong w it

i know 2 kais

[paper totem]

honestly p cool

[lean harbor]

right ? i was like hold on this one's custom wtf

[lean harbor]

thx :3

[frozen breach]

goes extremely hard tbh

and like if i saw someone wearing that in public i wouldn't be like "ayo is that a dog collar 🤨", i'd be like "oh shit that necklace goes hard"

[valid sun]

i see it a lot in public TBH

i dont think most people think its weird anymore it just looks like a choked

choker*

Normalize it

[grand hearth]

you should get one like that but similar to the anti-wolf collars some farm dogs have

obviously in a safe to wear version lol

[hallow bronze]

that's honestly hard as fuck

[grand hearth]

my dream self thought so yes

i have genuinely cosidered re-naming myself Samael, however

[misty harness]

I do not care about whether names are common or not btw I was joking

clocky names are just as good as not, who cares as long as you vibe with it

[grand hearth]

Naming myself Miller. After the intubation tool.

[lean harbor]

safe ? i'm never safe

[lean harbor]

my friends name is beef :3

she's beautiful

naming myself morph . as per the vague gesture

[lean harbor]

my co worker from cali was like "yooooo a dog collar!"

so 🤷‍♀️

[strong heath]

outby16acidpunkmix is the most trans

i, think

[paper totem]

mchngrl vs wlfgrl

[strong heath]

yeah

[timid burrow]

Definitely

[digital geyser]

most cis person on this train is me with my large blahaj out next to me

very cis behaviour

(and very neurotypical behaviour too)

[unborn atlas]

what are you saying

[lean harbor]

i think we should be more open minded . "wym" implies we don't understand something and it brings a negative energy . i believe "stfu" is more valid , and inclusive .

[floral belfry]

fr

[honest lake]

Help guys i think im trans but im not sure. I mean im already dressing hella feminine painting my nails etc but something feels weird when i say im a girl. like it feels counterintuitive and i like the thought of being a girl and being trans but im worried i might regret it even tho i hate my masculinity. so am i trans or a turbo twink?

[tardy creek]

@honest lake has leveled up! (0 ➜ 1)

[misty harness]

idk it's up to you, remember labels are fake and made up so like, who cares. just do what you want

you can be trans without hrt, you can be femme without being trans, if a label feels right then take it, if it feels wrong then dont

[honest lake]

thanks ill think about it again but i mean for me personally if i really knew id also want to transition with hrt and stuff

[misty harness]

my advice is to not stress over committing to an identity. experiment, have a dialogue with yourself on what makes you feel good or not. with time you'll naturally start to feel more strongly about it I think

it's a difficult decision and a lot of trans people had a period where they were undecided if they wanted to commit to medical transition

but no one can tell you one way or the other, you'll just come to a point where you know what you wanna do

your bio says you're 16 - you have plenty of time to think about these things, so don't rush it

reading through this was one of the things that helped me realize things: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

it's not all-encompasing, last time I read it, there was still a strong slant towards the transfemme experience and you don't have to be dysphoric to be trans anyway, but it will at least give you an idea of what to think about maybe!

[honest lake]

omg thank you so much <3

ill read through it

[misty harness]

I'm sure others would have their own opinions on this too, it's just my own

[hallow bronze]

I was going to write, but you've put the same ideas so more eloquently lol. Yeah, no one can tell you if a label is correct for you, and you can always experiment and try out what feels good. Gender is so fucking varied, cis femboys exist, fem nb people exist, trans women exist, fem trans men exist, etc, etc, etc. Simply look for the joy and try not to worry too much about finding a specific word that describes what you are inside

[lean harbor]

you know when you know ! just be yourself .

[misty harness]

If this seems too long and you can't/don't want to read the whole thing, I'd start with chapters 4, 13 and 14.

[lean harbor]

what ever is easiest . it shouldn't be a struggle ✨

[tardy creek]

@lean harbor has leveled up! (3 ➜ 4)

[lean harbor]

lfg level 4 trans

[frozen breach]

seconding everything that everyone else has said 1000%

i had a similar thing myself where calling myself a boy/man/male/etc felt really weird for a reason i couldn't place, but looking back i think it was just fear; i was afraid of how being trans would impact my life, relationships, wellbeing, etc, and so i tried not to consider it as a possibility for a really long time, but over time it has gotten so so so much easier

another piece of advice i have is that there's no correct order in which you have to do things. when i started hrt i had been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and i knew that i was Not Cis, but i was still going by they/them and didn't fully know that i was a binary trans man yet. i also know that some trans women and transfem people "boymode" for a little while (basically start hrt and medical transition before coming out and socially transitioning) in order to make social transition go more smoothly. and obviously none of these steps are required to identify as trans, everyone's journey is personal

(at least i think that's why some girls boymode; i'm not a trans woman so i wouldn't know. i've talked to some people who said that they did it because by the time they came out their body had already feminized a bit and so it took less time for them to start passing. but now i'm getting off-topic lol)

[stuck portal]

literally

[honest lake]

man thats like exactly the position im in. like i don't think my family would really care because my mom, aunt and grandma on that side all are completely chill when it comes to queer people (There is even a picture of my mom with like the most famous drag queen around here on our fridge 💀 ) but my dads side is rather not chill i think. like i dont think my dad would kick me out or something but he definitely would be disappointed as fuck and i also have no idea what the rest of my dads side would think. but i think id rather out myself and hope for my parents support than boymode because i feel like then i would wait way too long but idk

also thanks to everyone else who replied while i was gone :D

[lean harbor]

i'm boymode forever tbh

fuck you im a girl and i might need to change a tire

sorry ! i wear jeans ! lmao

[lean harbor]

but seriously stay safe . i cracked my shit open when i was 19 . i started HRT when i was 25

at the end of the day the breast development and narrow feet didn't make me happy . it gave me the confidence to get better . that's what really counts .

[frozen breach]

no that's so real

like i keep trying to think of ways to explain how hrt has made me feel and you fucking nailed it