stray dust
I don’t usually talk about this properly and most people only know incomplete versions, but I think I need to stop pretending everything is normal.
Growing up, my dad used to physically beat me, call me names, and shame me about my body. I also watched him treat my mom the same way. Later, I watched him slowly die in a painful way while my family was already drowning in debt. Even now my mom is still stuck with massive loans and financial pressure.
A lot of people probably just see me as someone who spends too much time on games or online, but the truth is I’ve felt mentally exhausted and lost for years. Video games became my escape from everything because they were one of the only places where I didn’t constantly feel pressure, fear, loneliness, or overthinking.
I got expelled from school too, which made everything feel even worse. Since then I’ve struggled a lot with motivation, loneliness, attachment issues, overthinking, and feeling like I’m never really important to anyone. There have been moments where I wished I was never born or thought maybe people would only care if I disappeared.
I’m not posting this for pity or attention. I just got tired of carrying everything silently and acting like I’m okay all the time when I’m honestly not. I’m still trying to figure life out and become better despite everything in my head.
dreamy cove