I think I’m emotionally burnt out, won’t assume things though.

[paper cape]

Small mention of suicide!! don’t read if you don’t like that.

honestly don’t know how to start any of this, I don’t usually talk about my feelings and I think it’s ruining me even more, I usually listen to people but not really good at giving advice. I’ve been feeling shit, and there isn’t even a solid reason, or you could say it’s not just one reason maybe? my feelings are all over the place and I feel like I have too many problems and I can’t get any of thoughts straight. I feel like I caused people to depend on me too much, crying? they call me. Need help with school? they call me. Need to complain? vent out their feelings? they always call me.. It’s not that I hate it. It does make me feel somewhat useful since I’m convinced I’ve never done anything good in my life. I randomly get into these wears states every month or two.. Think about how lonely I actually am despite people liking me, at least I think they do. I found out a lot of things this year and it ruined me, my sister thinks I’m insufferable apparently after I found out through some messages and I wasn’t supposed to find out.. Now everytime we have a good time together I think it’s all just pretend.

My circle, friends who I thought liked each other is now dead. We all hate the same person now and I have my reasons.. but I feel guilty about it, maybe I was the problem that caused all this. I was close to that girl we hate now. And they only stayed with her for me apparently. And now I feel even more guilty because she probably thought they liked her.. I feel like I’m too young to even be going through this? one of the reasons on why I didn’t choose an age role. My parents are a different story, they aren’t bad. But they make me cry, maybe it’s because I’ve always had a sensitive heart, or maybe because I’m way too much of an empath.. but their words hurt me more than they know. And everytime I cry about it they say I shouldn’t be this sensitive, another fact about me is that I grew up acting tough so it feels wrong to be talking about my feelings like this... I only started talking about my feelings this year since I feel like I’m slowly destroying myself. Not only am I two faced because I wanna please everyone. I act like I’m tough and don’t need any help or need anyone to like me but i reality I really hate it when some hates me.. And it’s a huge problem. I always tell myself if I could end it in a painless way, if I was allowed to I would. But even then I’m too much of a wuss. I have a lot of other problems I didn’t mention here and probably won’t since I’m too ashamed of them. Maybe one day