i've lost myself along time ago when they killed my father i wasn't given anytime to come to terms with his passing due to one being 8 yrs old at the time two after his death my drug dealing mother needed another strongarmed enforcer but didn't want to pay for a real enforcer since my father uest to have that role she forced that role onto me i was now a 8 yr old boy sitting in the back of my moms car at 11 pm knowing very well with dread on my shoulders im gonna have to sit in the back well my mom sells meth and if they don't like the price or get physical me a tiny child at that time has to fight some meth head just so we can scrap enough money for dinner but my mother was so lazy instead of home cooked meals or buying food for a few months straight we ether didn't get dinner meaning we had no meals a day or we'd get random junk food like pizza or burgers it got to the point we had to take vitamin gummys so our bones didn't decay let alone my father was in jail for the first 4 years of my life for the last crime he committed for skin heads a gang in new Zealand he was a good father but a murder to the people around him i can't blame them he killed almost as many people as his age when he died therefore starting the generational hate every where i went i was know as brices boy a mass murders known for murder and known for being a neo nazi skin head but his label is strapped to a 8 yr old boy causing many attempts from other people on my life through out the years like the time the had unlocked my back door at 1:13 am and grabbed a calendar off my living room wall and it magically appears on my stove on max heat just like that one silly guy who died in the apartments cause of the same FUCKING THING but sorry for the emotional rant
#generational hate: can i escape it?
4 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
im just looking for some sort of advice my dreams are crushed and the path in life i see for my self rigth now is following the 5 long generations of hate and murder thats the only way i can make the space safer for my brothers i've been mistreated enough to think im broken but they have hope so if my only end is dying in the gang life like my father i don't mind its a sad end not what i want but ill be able to provide for them with said money
in all honesty i've barely scratched the top of my pain and my brothers pain due to it being too bad to the point where i've tryed to cry about these things to ppl and they don't know how to comfort me if there even is a way to they most times stop talking to me with the quote of being a buz kill or with the people i know now but can't see if i tryed to talk to them about something serious they'd get side track and not even care that someone had tryed to cut my throat out with a pocket knife before going to there car and getting a fucking crossbow I WAS FUCKIGN 11 i can't even be around people anymore with out shitting bricks or being shit scared because all i knew back then was fighting for my life and not trusting the people around me cause of the amount of times my mom let meth heads in and they steal everything when we go to sleep
im tired i could fill this shitty post with a book worth of pages written just about my struggles