red trellis
i hate thinking of myself as someone who has mental health issues, i hate being able to out a word to my feelings or a diagnosis on why i feel some emotions i do, its so unfair that i cant literally just be normal mentally and im afraid im developing a bit of trauma
around the start of this year my mom told me about a huge trouble in my family and like its dangerous but i wont go into details, its not something u can call for help on
for background i started living w my gmaw when i was 2 due to my mom and dad fighting, and recently i have reunited w my mom some as she has came to my state for visits (shes like 24 hr bus ride away) but she is moving here in july, i love her
i just feel like its really unfair because she struggled w so much mentally and some of my problems r genetic, and on top of that i have lived w my dads side of the family snd im the only one w my moms last name and the only outcast, then just in general i feel so betrayed by life for what i go thru
but mainly im scared im developing a bit of trauma or just even a huge fear of that thing my mom told me about, i keep having nightmares and im absolutely paranoid every time i go somewhere and see certain things that are related
i only ever told one person, which i regret and she thought i was crazy and just freaked out and said like some things i shouldnt share details about
i genuinely want to give up like this is something that will follow me my whole life and im so tired of being scared of it but its not like its in my head its real but its also not something that anyone can fix and i dont know
jolly venture