Am I too reactive in my relationship?

[queen gull]

My boyfriend often asks me or expects me to do things that I think are valid.

For example

• keeping the bathroom floor dry after a shower
• not making the kitchen counter wet while washing dishes
• not touching escalator railings or door handles in public, because he won't be able to touch me until I wash my hands etc

I'm not used to these things and I am kind of clumsy and I frequently get them wrong.

He rarely loses it (he's a very calm person) but when I do stuff wrong, he looks disappointed.

I hate seeing him disappointed so over time, I start to shrink into myself or I'll get overwhelmed and start to cry. Even when I try really hard not to cry or get defensive, I look visibly sad.

He starts censoring his wants and needs to avoid me crying or being in pain.

I feel bad about this and start wanting to avoid him altogether to avoid causing him pain.

I don't know what to do.

[red frigate]

He seems to have some sort of OCD and he may think censoring is protecting you (even though it can be a bad thing to do). You should probably talk to him about it.

[silent wren]

I feel like your actions alone shouldn’t be causing him significant enough pain to avoid him altogether… same situation likewise. We all make mistakes and I think it’s reasonable to feel reactive to his disappointment, but both of you guys are ‘protecting’ each other in a way that can’t actually resolve the problem itself. Have a conversation about it. Does he say certain things to you in these situations or is he quiet?