#Not being able to be friends with my ex

240 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

upbeat veldt
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My girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago and she just lost feelings due to her BPD and then i met her yesterday and i couldn’t help myself but asking her if she got feelings for someone else and i ended up ruining things and pushing her away and i feel bad. I still wanna be around her but i got jealous and didn’t respect her boundaries and i wanna make things right for her. I dmed her today saying I’m sorry and shouldn’t done what i did and I’ve been thinking about it and don’t really know what to do

ember sandal
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Was it just feelings that was gone or was the relationship also going not so fine

upbeat veldt
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I dont but i still care for her and dont wanna burn bridges with her fully

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Just out of the blue she was off and asked her if she lost feelings and she said yes

ember sandal
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That’s weird unless she likes someone else

upbeat veldt
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I mean i was absent due to medical condition and i ended spending a few days at the hospital

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I came back and she was off

ember sandal
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In case there is no bad blood or anything then you could in theory stay friends but don’t expect more

upbeat veldt
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Im not i just messed up and pushed her by asking if she got feelings for someone else

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I don’t know what to do to make things right for her and keep her at the same time

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I did text her today and she ignored

ember sandal
upbeat veldt
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If she got feelings for someone else sorry

ember sandal
ember sandal
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It makes sense from your side if she can’t see that then honestly put yourself first and don’t chase

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You can’t avoid the pain it will always be there for a while

strange void
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the issue is this

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BPD

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it basically your emotions set to auto flip without notice to the farthest reaction

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kinda like someone with turrets will say the WORST possible thing to say against there will

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so dating someone with that. you have to understand that you gotta take some punches n blows and be way more forgiving and understanding if you are gonna try to take on such a task

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@upbeat veldt

upbeat veldt
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Thats why i wanna stay around her and be there for her

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She completely lost feelings and i feel bad for pushing her to tell me if she had feelings for someone else

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I don’t want to loose her or not fully at least and idk how to make that happen

strange void
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well just wait

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u gotta have patience

ember sandal
strange void
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dont assume the worst case

strange void
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and yeah i know a few

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dating n friends

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its ROUGH

ember sandal
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But I’m not sure if that’s the case

strange void
strange void
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as well this emotional range covers 3 spots

anger
sadness
happiness

upbeat veldt
strange void
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they flip betweeen these main moods irrigullary

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OOF

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uh

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dang

upbeat veldt
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Like all day and night

strange void
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so there are 2 possiblitiies

upbeat veldt
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Thats why i asked if she got feelings for someoen else

strange void
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  1. this guy is her BPD "chosen person" basically this person is perfect in there eyes and they want to do everything with this person
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OR

upbeat veldt
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They stopped talking and out of nowhere in my absence i assume they connected

strange void
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  1. she is possibly dating him
upbeat veldt
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So what should i do

strange void
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uh that is a great question

upbeat veldt
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And i asked her she just said theyre friends

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Until she just left

strange void
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eyah so like

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this is a very uh

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technical area

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idk really what to tell u

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but i can share what ik about BPD people to help u see best path

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if u want to keep her and wait thats on u

upbeat veldt
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I have been told shes been saying i was perfect and all that but her bpd just messed it up

strange void
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oohh

upbeat veldt
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But yet again shes just spending her time with him

strange void
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yeah you may have been her BPD perfect person

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and then u messed up too many times in her view

upbeat veldt
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Like as if i was replaced

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I only messed up this once

strange void
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and now shes shifted to her guy best friend as her chosen perfect person

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yeah its BPD

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u messed up too much she responded extremely

upbeat veldt
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How did i mess up?

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I had to go to the hospital for some days

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I came back and she lost feelings

strange void
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did u communicate this?

upbeat veldt
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Shes spending all her time with her guy best friend as if they’re dating

strange void
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like as soon as it happened

upbeat veldt
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She knows everything

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And she just decided to break up

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And said shes not a good girlfriend

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But shes literally doing everything we did but with him

strange void
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no no

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did u communicate this

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the hospital incident

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and if u did, when?

upbeat veldt
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With her?

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Yeah she knows i had to go through a surgery

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I showed her everything

strange void
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but when

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whennnnn did u

upbeat veldt
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As soon as i knew about it

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Kept her up to date

strange void
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but when is when u knew

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vs when she got told

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minutes, hours, days, weeks?

upbeat veldt
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Minutes

strange void
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ah okay dang

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bro is cooked even at his best 😭

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yeah so like

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im not saying u didnt do good

upbeat veldt
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She found better

strange void
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im saying she is not working on "normal"

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no not exactly

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at least as far as ik what i can see

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bascially her brain is like this

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uhhh

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u play video games or like?

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what some hobbies u do?

upbeat veldt
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We do yeah

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Video games mostly

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And her guy best friend also does that

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They didn’t talk for 4 years according to her

strange void
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okay so

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her brain is like this

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when u press a button it does nromal

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like u shoot a gun, it shoots it

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when she shoots a gun

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her control is broken and she mag dumps

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no matter what she tries

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her controller always mag dumps her gun

upbeat veldt
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And while i was at the hospital i assumed she contacted him and yeah

strange void
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so if she pulls the trigger on u cuz u did something she didnt trust or like

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she mag dumps u

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she doesnt mean to, it is her controller that is broken

upbeat veldt
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Can you elaborate a bit more simple way?

strange void
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uhhh

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what kinda games do u play?

upbeat veldt
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Well we play almost every game out there

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But the game her and her guy played the most is

strange void
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FPS, RTS, Surival?

upbeat veldt
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League of legends

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Which i never played

ember sandal
strange void
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there is nothing wrong with the game, the game is fine

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its her controller

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controller = brain

ember sandal
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I thought it was forever

strange void
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not fully

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and yeah it takes time

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taking care of urself is a major way

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someone who feeds themselves, eats right, sleeps well

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does a lot better managing there emoitons then someone say who gets no sleep

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eats junk food

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the main strat would be therapy obviously

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but not everyone is comfortable with that

strange void
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honestly u might be dodging a bullet not dating her just on that alone

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ive heard some rough stuff from people who play that

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women who play that are not for normal people 😭

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the fact she has BPD isnt as suprising now knowing she plays this

upbeat veldt
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She quit it

strange void
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oh thank god

upbeat veldt
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But u guess when i was absent she got bored

strange void
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she has hope then

upbeat veldt
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And got back to it

strange void
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oop

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nvm

upbeat veldt
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Is there?

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Lol

strange void
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well

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like

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again idk what to tell u what to do

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best i can do is tell u how her brain likely operates

ember sandal
strange void
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idk how a game can be so addictive

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but its a problem if u wanna be a normal human

ember sandal
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It’s like a magnet

strange void
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imeann if u have that kinda free time go ahead but as an adult, you should have responsbilities

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like i love to game

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but i got bills to pay, relationships to attend to

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etc

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but anyways i feel like me and you are getting off topic 💀

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lets focus on @upbeat veldt rnow

ember sandal
strange void
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well no he can do something

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but the issue is

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he needs to get it right 10 out of 10 ties

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even a single mess up with someone that has BPD can aboslutly destroy long term efforts of relationship building

ember sandal
strange void
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its like a glass cannon type hero

upbeat veldt
strange void
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big damage and easy to lose

ember sandal
strange void
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oh my gosh dyno we arent talking about REAL bombs 😭

strange void
upbeat veldt
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I mean its okay if she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me

ember sandal
upbeat veldt
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I still love her

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I still wanna care for her and be there for her

strange void
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to the way they were when she liked him as her favorite person

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as it sounds like she may have not been in love like a normal person is

ember sandal
strange void
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it may have been he was her favorite person

upbeat veldt
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But i just let myself loose and pushed her by asking the questions i did

strange void
upbeat veldt
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But how are those feelings will come back if shes already replaced me

strange void
upbeat veldt
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And starting new ones with someoene else

strange void
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but with having a favorite person

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u can face the range of the full sad, angry and happy

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which not to get too detailed can also include the spicy kind of happy feelings

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idk if u and her were intimate in any capacity but this was also likely cuz of you being chosen as the BPD favorite person

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im not saying she broken brain chose u, it takes some effort to get chosen as that person

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but also u could be hurt if u wait for her in this

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its very difficult to patch damage that is done even if its unintentional

upbeat veldt
upbeat veldt
strange void
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uhhhh

strange void
strange void
upbeat veldt
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I am willing to put in the effort but she wont let me

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Like she almost doesn’t care or she just gave up

strange void
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well no u can

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but for the time being ur gonna be like

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talking against a wall

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im gonna say rnow

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u could wait it out

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but it would be a long wait

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like i would put it at months

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it COULD

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be less tiem

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but i dont want u to get hopeful

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of that

upbeat veldt
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What can u do

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I don’t want to force myself on her too

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Sje did mention we shouldn’t do or say anything even if we meet

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Like act like strangers

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She doesn’t mind being friends but i think i messed that up

strange void
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uhh

strange void
strange void