#Viktor’s Interactive Diary

23 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

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This is my journal I’m just going to write here for progress about my mental health and other stuff so like an diary. I will be sharing like real personal stuff so like don’t leak I guess. Feel free to comment tho.

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29/03/2026 - 00:25AM
today was one of the few fun days I have. Well technically yesterday but it is what it is. I had an hangout with some friends we watched a movie and had fun. Unfortunately I invited my crush or ex crush because I’m trying to get over her (sounds silly Ik). So I kinda felt weird for a bit. Otherwise I made pizza alone for my friends and hope they enjoyed it. Sadly I did get some of my thoughts again which didn’t feel nice so after everyone left I went to the the nearby school to go on the swings and it didn’t help. Luckily I’m turing 16 in less than 2 months so soon I’ll be even more free. I just hope I’ll be fine tomorrow

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Viktor’s Diary

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29/03/2026 - 05:15PM
I’m really tired right now and my head hurts. I’ve just studied and played games all day and I have a test tomorrow. I keep seeing her in my dreams again. Despite knowing that she doesn’t like me I still see her it’s just so confusing I feel like what parents talk about when they say you’re just an teen with a lot of feelings. I’m lost but I’m going to eat tacos for dinner so that’s something

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30/03/2026 - 10:00PM
today I had theater and an physic exam. I kinda flunked it but it is what it is. I’ve been overthinking a lot today sadly about everything. Like school, her and everything else I can think about. There’s just a lot going on. Soon I’ll have my break tho so it won’t be despair for too long

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31/03/2026 - 10:40PM
so today started out like usual, great and all but I just couldn’t keep that feel all the way through. I had a scout meeting to plan the like confirmation camp but for scouts. And of course she was there and I just thought of her. I ended up walking her home and I got all delulu so i needed a friend to give me an reality check after which I put on my headphones and walked home.

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Viktor’s Interactive Diary

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01/04/2026 - 10:50PM
Hell resumes again. I relapsed tonight so that sucks but what sucks more is I have a math test tomorrow. I also feel an yeah I can’t write today I. Need to rest

jagged sand
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05/04/2026 - 12:50PM
I’m doing slightly better now, my test went decent and i apparently had to do an traditional dance at school switch I had not prepped for at all but it went great (this was the 2nd of April)
Otherwise I’ve not had much going on just existing really. I did get 50 dollars for selling an old toy set so I might buy something for me.

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06/04/2026 - 11:00PM
I don’t know why no one notices, I want to talk to someone but it’s like an wall is stopping me. I feel unseen and unlovable. I did get a nice overshirt tho so that’s something. Here’s a picture without my face.

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I forgot to button it up while trying it on but it fits a lot better when I do.

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07/04/2026 - 9:10PM
I don’t need her smile, but I want it.
I want it to myself. Like the selfish one I am. But she’ll never leave it to me. I’ll never see a smile like hers and I’ll never have a smile for myself. I’ll always be the odd one out. And there’s nothing I can do. She’ll never want me like I want her. I’m just stuck here, in limbo.

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09/04/2026 - 04:30PM
I did not write yesterday. I hope to stay consistent from now on. I’m going to try one more time with her. We have a school dance and I might ask her to go with me. I don’t know fully yet but I’ve gotta stay hopeful

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13/04/2026 - 10:30PM
back to writing i am. Today was fun I was happy for almost the entire day progress!

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14/04/2026 - 10:40PM
today was interesting, I felt sad at the start but lightened up at the end. Usually it’s the other way around. But who am I to judge. Either way I had a French test that luckily wasn’t as hard as i imagined. I did kinda overthink about my crush though since it’s a 99,9999% chance she’s not into me but I’ll guess we’ll see. If I’m lucky my friend will ask if she does fancy me soon so I don’t miss the chance to ask her out for the dance.

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But for today I felt a lil

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Damn it I can’t do gifs

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Well I like Tanaka

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15/04/20256 - 11:20PM
Today was fun mostly just a chill day. But something fun that did happen was that well I’ve gotta give background first. So I go to scouts with my crush and we have an scout meeting that I’m organizing. Tomorrow we’re doing an bake meeting so they’ll bake cakes. Very nice. Well so I was going to buy groceries for it and needed help so I asked her about tips and it resulted in HER asking to hang out with ME? I know she most likely dosent like me like that but it felt nice. We had fun the entire time and yeah I just love her. Sadly I didn’t walk her home the entire way like i usually do but I’ll do it again tomorrow! Oh god I just want it to be her so bad. And even if she doesn’t like me I’ll respect her as an friend. But still I hope she thinks the same of me.

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18/04/2026 - 12:40PM

Why am I back in this hole again? I was really happy a few days ago. I’m exhausted of this cycle. Each time I go lower and lower with every possible insecurity. I hate myself for going like this, seeming like an whimpy kid again. I don’t want this anymore I feel empty, sad and happy within literal hours. Why? Why must my mind be twisted like this? A mind controlled and constructed by an false reality. An reality where I am missing out on all the fun things people do. I’m lucky for all my friends and family but despite it all I feel lonely. I’m not alone but i feel it. And it feels like no matter what I do I’ll stay like this.