I made this cause I don’t like venting to people, I feel like a burden
I just want a place where I can spit out what my mind is saying, and if people read this and have any advice it’s their choice.
#Little rants.
subtle pike
rant one - missing my best friend.
It’s been 3 months since we lasted talked, since the last time I said the words “I love you.”
You didn’t even say goodbye. You just left. Blocked me, made me chase you down to get any information.
You left so easily, what happened to all the promises we made. The late night talks.
You were my best friend, my second piece. Losing you, was losing a part of myself.
I have nothing but the memories of us, it hurts knowing they will never be repeated.
I sit here today, missing you a little extra than usually. I sit here, crying because you were supposed to be my forever.
I never really believed in soulmates but if they existed, you were mine.
I miss you, knowing you don’t miss me. It hurts. It hurts me so much.
If I had the opportunity, I would relive what we had, even if it meant I had to experience the end. All over, just to feel your love again.
Maybe in another life, I don’t have the spend the rest of my life missing you.
subtle pike
rant two - missing my best friend (part 2, how stupid)
It’s always late into the night is when I miss him a little more than usual. Where everything is quiet and all I can hear is my thoughts.
How can you explain the pain of grieving someone who is still alive? How do you get over someone. I need someone to tell me that it’s going to be okay. That this will blow over, that I won’t feel like this forever.
I’m more angry than sad right now about this. I would usually be sobbing, typing how much I miss my best friend. But all I free is anger. Angry towards someone who made it clear that everything we went through meant nothing. I meant nothing to him, cause how can you leave me so easily?
Did nothing we did together, whispered to each other, did that mean nothing. Do you just do that with just anyone that I can be easily tossed to the side.
Whatever, I want to say I don’t care but I do care. I care so much. I wish I was able to hate you.
subtle pike
rant 3 - Screaming
||OH MY GOD, FUCK FUCK FUCK ME FUCK THIS FUCK MY LIFE I SWEAR TO GOD IM GOING TO END IT ALL I CANT STOP CRYING I CANT STOP FEELING THIS WAY I HATE THIS I DONT KNOW WHY IM EVEN HERE IM USELESS IM WORTHLESS my heart hurts my head hurts my chest hurts I CANT DO THIS I CANT I CANT I DONT KNOW HOW TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE I want to rip my hair out I want to tear my flesh off I want to bleed until I cant bleed anymore I cant be left alone I cant I just want someone to hold me to tell me im going to be okay I want to be held fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF||
I’m okay, everything is going to be okay, I just need to scream my thoughts out. That felt nice to do that.