jays journal | The Therapy Center | Page 1

harsh kiln Mar 17, 2026, 1:49 AM

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sigh, do i left the server cause i got overwhelmed and now i lost progress on my old journal, so new one!.. the old journal is called the same thing.🦖

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anyways, so as i was saying.

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GRR I CANT UPLOAD FUCKJNG IMAGES

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nooo

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uhm, so..

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I'm gonna prolly have a new personality and act different.

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😖

harsh kiln Mar 17, 2026, 9:50 AM

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i had a dream of my old friend

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i miss him so much

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can he come back?

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it felt like a nightmare.

harsh kiln Mar 17, 2026, 1:22 PM

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im literally screaming

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theres a fat fucking knot in my hair

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can i cut it all off

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what hair would look good with such curly hair like mine

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FUH IDK 😭

harsh kiln Mar 18, 2026, 9:13 PM

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im so happy

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so

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i managed to get in contact with my old friend

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i love it so much i finally get to talk to him again

harsh kiln Mar 19, 2026, 3:01 PM

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i think i might be getting better but still have stuff im struggling with

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one of the things is

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im talking to my best friend again

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i don't know how long tho

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im scared he's gonna leave again

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but this gc im in wont shut up😭😭

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ima leave

harsh kiln Mar 21, 2026, 4:28 PM

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im so happy

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i have my old friend group back

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im feeling better then i ever felt in the past months

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i fucking love it

harsh kiln Mar 22, 2026, 8:02 AM

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im sleepy

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but

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i mist stay awake

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its 1AM

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only 5 more hours to go

harsh kiln Mar 23, 2026, 5:07 AM

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sigh

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So.

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im happy with my friends and stuff but

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after everything like calls, my energy gets so drained and i go back into a small depression episode

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because i dont think about anything when im with them i think about just them.

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i might tell this to one of my best friends who is the active one in our 4 ppl gc

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cuz its me, my gf, my friend jigsaw, and then my other friend zenin

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me and jigsaw are really close, he helped me with my self harm

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and my relapses, etc

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but

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ive kept a promise for him so long that i wouldnt do it again but recently its been getting harder tbh

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i dont wanna burden or bother him but i feel like it'd be decently good to let out my feelings a little

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so

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i might dm him later tonight asking if i can vent a little bit to him

harsh kiln Mar 23, 2026, 8:44 PM

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i never dm'd him

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i didnt know what to say

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Im such a burden anyways.

harsh kiln Mar 23, 2026, 10:36 PM

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im so

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im so

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i dont even know.

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i guess

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im so overwhelmed and

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i dont think im gonna pass my state testing

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I cant even remember anything that well

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im so stressed out and

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its coming up after spring break and my grades are

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my grades are still shit

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im thinking about how much of a disappointment i am

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im sorry mom

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im sorry dad

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im sorry family

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im sorry i cant be the child i was meant to be

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they know im smart but

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i don't feel smart

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its like as soon as i started middle school i started failing everything and my life went to shit

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i dont think i can do this

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my heart is pounding

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ny leg is shaking and i

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i need something to distract me

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shiuld i do it again?

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shoukd i talk to my feiends?

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i just

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i cant

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I fucking cant en

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im gonna fucking cry

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i cant

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i cant do anything right

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im a burden to everyone

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im such a failure

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disturbance

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disappointment

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everything

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im sorry for disappointing everyone

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how am i supposed to do this

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when

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im barely hanging on

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im on my last thread

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i think its close to snapping

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the only thing stopping me is

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them

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I just

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would it be worth it??

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i think

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i think im having a panic attack

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my heart is pounding

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my breath is heavy and shaky

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and i

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i just c

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cant

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i cant do this anym

harsh kiln Mar 24, 2026, 3:54 AM

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i missed so many fucking opportunities

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to talk to him

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but

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i didnt

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why?

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im such a coward.

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||atp i might just relapse. im so scared and i dont know what to do. Im getting less and less sleep each day, i wish i could just tell him. I think ill text him later tonight, asking if i can talk to him.||

harsh kiln Mar 24, 2026, 3:55 AM

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harsh kiln ||atp i might just relapse. im so scared and i dont know what to do. Im getting ...

tw; sh.

harsh kiln Mar 24, 2026, 4:15 AM

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is there something wrong with me?

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whats wrong with me

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i dont think

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im mentally well anymore

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i dont think

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i know.

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i know im not well anymore.

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jesus christ.

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if this sever

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didnt have any rules or shit

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id be a b_mb.

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ong.

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if i get kicked, or banned, whatever.

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i made few friends that i talk to but its alright.

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i might as well leave

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i can make my own server to journal in

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itd be just as fuckin’ easy

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might as well

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yeah.

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im gonna go

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thanks for your time here, ttc.

harsh kiln Mar 25, 2026, 3:59 AM

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im back.

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unfortunately.

harsh kiln Mar 25, 2026, 2:33 PM

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lowkey

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only 2 reasons left tbh

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my friends

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my family

harsh kiln Mar 26, 2026, 7:09 PM

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it was never rbf

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i was just missrable

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fucking miserable

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now im sitting in my bed trying not to cry at the amount of missing assignments i have

harsh kiln Mar 28, 2026, 3:52 PM

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god

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im such a chud

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im ugly

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disgusting

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filthy and just everything else

harsh kiln Mar 29, 2026, 4:40 AM

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im scared.

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is my gf gonna leave me?

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its near our 1 yr anniversary..

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am i a bad boyfriend?

harsh kiln Mar 29, 2026, 3:40 PM

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i miss hudson.

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i wish he was back

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were not even that close but he's just so fun and silly

harsh kiln Mar 30, 2026, 7:52 PM

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im so pathetic

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two D's, two C's and only two A's

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im just gonna avoid everyone and never speak again.

harsh kiln Mar 30, 2026, 9:45 PM

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im so stupid

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i couldnt figure out mayh

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math

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i had to fucking guess wverything

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what happened to me?

harsh kiln Apr 2, 2026, 4:21 PM

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Sleepy pup

harsh kiln Apr 3, 2026, 5:27 AM

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im literally gonna fucking cry

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I have a sore throat

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this is so bullshit

harsh kiln Apr 5, 2026, 10:47 PM

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ok

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im gonna cry.

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i miss my old dog

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i wish he was still here

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i wish i couldve held him just one last time

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im crying

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ok

harsh kiln Apr 6, 2026, 12:42 AM

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so i cried

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but

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im ok now i guess

harsh kiln Apr 7, 2026, 1:56 AM

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Im not hiding that much!

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||self h@rm.
addictions
depression
dating my gf
being trans
etc etc.||

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wow

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my parents dont know shit

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oh my god

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i love and hate how much he cares about me

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it breaks me everytime he asks if im ok

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im glad he noticed

harsh kiln Apr 8, 2026, 8:12 PM

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fuck

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already bit the tips off of them

harsh kiln Apr 9, 2026, 3:48 AM

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i made these

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perler beads

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hard asf to make tho

harsh kiln Apr 9, 2026, 5:40 PM

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i think im gonna be gone for awhile

harsh kiln Apr 9, 2026, 7:18 PM

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the only ad i listen to on spotify
(sam and colby my loves)

harsh kiln Apr 9, 2026, 10:49 PM

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damn

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only 4 notifications out of the whole day from discord

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only from server announcements

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not any of my friends

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ig theyre just busy

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its fine

harsh kiln Apr 9, 2026, 11:50 PM

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ok

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one of my best friends texted with me for abt an hour

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hes so cool and kind and funny

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PeepoHeart

harsh kiln Apr 11, 2026, 7:19 AM

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im actually sobbing so hard

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i cant breathe

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why am i like this

harsh kiln Apr 12, 2026, 4:42 AM

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it still feels like im back into the room he manipulated me into

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i never talk about it

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||but i still feel his hands on my thighs.||

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i feel so disgusting from it

harsh kiln Apr 13, 2026, 4:39 AM

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i vented to my best friend

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i feel like so much weight lifted off my shoulders

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i trust him that much

harsh kiln Apr 17, 2026, 4:28 AM

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sigh.

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dont do it

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please

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dont do it

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dont leave

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im so scared

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don't

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leave

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please

harsh kiln Apr 17, 2026, 5:08 PM

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puppy.

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she was sleepy

harsh kiln Apr 19, 2026, 7:47 AM

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im sobbing so hard

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i miss my papa so much

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i know its been three years but

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i miss him like a little kid again

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i dont know who i can talk to

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i feel like ive spoken to my other friend so much already

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i want to trauma dump but i dont know who on

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im just gonna keep it yo myself

harsh kiln Apr 20, 2026, 2:39 AM

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its was nice here ❤️
goodbye.

harsh kiln May 4, 2026, 4:54 AM

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welp.

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we're back again.

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shit got hard again.

harsh kiln May 5, 2026, 4:43 AM

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i relapsed.

harsh kiln May 6, 2026, 5:07 AM

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my notifs are spamming with reaction messages💔

harsh kiln May 11, 2026, 9:09 PM

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I miss vilify Sadge

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kinda wanna contact him but im scared too

harsh kiln May 13, 2026, 6:12 PM

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I was given a jesus

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im not christian or anything btw💔

harsh kiln May 14, 2026, 7:33 PM

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I love him so much hes so cute im getting him this weekend
(not my pictures!)

harsh kiln May 18, 2026, 11:10 PM

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im sobbing so hard

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ok

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but its ok

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im not

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im not important

harsh kiln May 23, 2026, 2:57 PM

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gah

harsh kiln May 23, 2026, 2:58 PM

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harsh kiln I love him so much hes so cute im getting him this weekend (not my pictures!)

here

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oh!

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say it in main chat ghost 😭

#jays journal