Hey, you probably stumbled across this somehow. I’m not really sure why you’re here, but this is a small journal where I post parts of a diary I’ve been writing in real life. I decided to share some of it here, mostly because I thought it might help people who are going through similar things. Some entries might be messy or repetitive since they’re written in the moment, just thoughts and feelings I needed to get out. I’m not really used to sharing personal stuff online, but this felt like a place where I could put those thoughts somewhere 
#The Weight of Expectations
half sequoia
kinda nervous but oh well
Journal Entry 1
School has always felt like a quiet weight on my chest. Even when my grades are good, it never really feels like enough. When I look at the numbers, my mind doesn’t stay on what I did right. It always goes to the points I missed, the small gap between what I got and what could have been.
Then I see someone score higher. Sometimes even perfect. And I hate that I feel jealous. Not because I dislike them, but because they reached something I keep trying to reach. I smile and congratulate them like everyone expects me to, but inside I keep wondering why I’m always just a little short of it.
At home it doesn’t really feel different. Even when every subject has a good grade, it still feels like it could have been higher. Like it should have been better. It’s not always said directly, but the feeling is there, quietly hanging in the air.
The burden my parents put on me has been bothering me more than I want to admit. I don’t know how much longer I can keep holding it together. It’s been taking a toll on me for a while now.