Hii! Im zizi and i have diagnosed persistent depression disorder. Ive been depressed since i was 10 and gpt admitted at 11 a few days before my 12th bday i got out a week later or 2. Im now 14 and im here to post more of my journey!
#Zizis mental health journey
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Oh i also have adhd and undiagnosed but suspected autism but other diagnoses i have recently got last year or a few years back maybe i was 12 or 13 was adjustment disorder too
I finally got a therapist but sadly i relapsed but im a day clean now! Woohoo!! >_< 
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Im 2 days clean now!!
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It’s been more than 3 days since you wrote a message
TYSM 💞💞💞 but like i said im PRETTY sure it was gone after 1 day i didnt get a chance to type another one for the next day
Then i created another and the same thing happened.
Anywaysss
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Day 2 technically !! ^_^
Today i feel a little ashamed.
Reason?: ||my scars are turning into scabs to heal but dried bl00d is still on my arn that cant be scrubbed off. So now EVERYONE can see my scars.. and ive been getting looks left and right..
I feel embarassed, ashamed of my scars.
But...
For me...?
Its a sign, that im STILL here.. im STILL fighting.. i won another battle..
Though...
Even tho im embarassed and ashamed of it..
I feel i should not be stared at.
Its pretty much just as rude and staring or pointing as a person w physical/and or/ visible Dissabilities/injuries.
I should be treated JUST AS everyone else. Nothing more.. nothing less..
My bf gave me his jacket so im very grateful.
It was his fav jacket..
I felt terrible
Because..
It was pouring rain..
I think the wind was pretty cold/chilly out there..
It was his favorite..
He ran to me and wasted his own BREATH just to give me smth valuable to him..
I don't deserve this??
I think im a TERRIBLE gf/person to him.. tho i try..
One of my friends told on me bc somehow they found out abt my scars?
I had a panic attack in the councilors office begging them to not tell my mom
They did it anyways
My mom picked me up from my nanas and i was BAWLING my eyes out.
I talked to my mom in the car
We arrived at the hospital
We were in the waiting room
As i hid my arm
Behind all my sleeves.
The nurse said my last name so me and my mom went in
They made me change infront of them as i warned them of what they were abt to see
Thank GOD they made my mom leave the room.
I changed, and was told to pee in a cup after they asked me some questions before, during, and after questions.
I got done, got in bed, and they asked if i wanted a blanket.
I said no ty cus i didnt wanna ask for much
She got me not 1 but 2 blankets.
It was warm
I covered my arms so my mom doesnt see
After hours of talking
I talked to a therapist on a tablet on a rolling tabel thingy.
Got done
Waited 4
The results
Then while talking to my mom
My blanket fell a little too low on my arms..
She saw..
"yea u got ur arms pretty good.."
I said "shit u werent suppised to see that!!"
I changed the subject as we talked abt my dad 4 hours.
I was told i wasnt getting admitted but im doing tellahealth as im already doing. 🙄"
My mom was pissed.
After taking a shower..
My mom bandaged me up.. she saw the carved drawing on my wrist..
"A heart. Really?.. she said with annoyance in her voice..
I picked out some clothes 4 tmr 4 school
There was no longsleeves
So i had to go shortsleved the next day.
The next day:
I rode on the bus to school, got off
My bf gave me his FAV jacket.. evem in the pouring rain he still eanted me dry snd covered..
At school I got stared at, stared at in classrooms, hallways, the lunch/breakfast room, at choir class, ect..
I felt.. off??...
Diffrent..??
Too lazy 2 say the rest..
Bye-bye!!
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FOR TODAY...
SO FAR IM DOING GOOD RN ^^
MY DADS BEING QUITE ANNOYING THO!!
IM VERY TIRED FROM TAKING ONLY HALF OF MY ANXIETY PILL 
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Irdk whats wrong w me latley either I have been hearing voices in my head with the exact voices of the characters and some r harmful and some r not and i would forget alot bc some kins say/type/do things i dont remember doing and my personality/gender/sexuality would feel diffrent when i get shifts
I also am so confused abt mysekf first i get diagnosed w like 4-5 disorders and now im thinking i might have autism, BPD or DID/OSDD bc of the paraghraph above.
And i cant even talk to my parents abt it cus no one beleives me or takes me seriously
My teacher js pointed out my scars infront of everyone.. ☹️ Mines not fully healed yet its a few days old and everyone kept talking abt my arm.. She asked if i had a cat and everyone kept looking at me.. im already ashamed and get weird looks cuz of it u dont need 2 point it out..
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Im getting body dysphoria and body disphoria
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I wanting to regres into litl spc bu csnt bu i did des workshetz
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Bkehh