A name made me almost throw up

[wind mountain]

A little about me, ig. I’m an honest person, honest to a fault, even. I also take people at face-value; especially my friends. Almost 6 years ago, I made friends that I cherished which I lost in a cruel way, and that left me scarred about getting close to someone again.

Then, I met Z. She, well, she was a really close friend to me. She presented herself as someone whom I could trust and rely on. Everytime we hung out, though, it seemed she wanted to bring another person along even though she knew I didn’t like that person. She molded me to fit her, and being afraid of losing her, I complied. Over and over. She kept lying and manipulating me. Eventually, I did what I had to do to ensure I would never speak to her again.

But now, anytime I think of her, I get anxious. Today, someone said her name and I had a mini panic attack. I cannot believe she has this much power over me. I shudder to think what would happen if I saw her; I keep avoiding everything that has even the slightest chance of us meeting.

I want this to end; I don’t want her to have this power over me but idk how to do that…

[void burrow]

I see. I'm so sorry that you are going though this 🫂 Well there are a couple things you can do.

First good on you for realizing the nature of your relationship. That's a good step. Reflecting on the situation and seeing how things turned out objectively is good to get some clarity. But I understand that it dkesnt make it any easier.

Mayne you could write a letter, a very angry angry keter to Z. And eventually tear it apart releasing some if the feelings and dealing eith your heightened anger in a safe and controlled way?

Everyday, I think, it gets a little easier. People who hurt us don't occupy the same room in room in our minds. We will meet other people other lovely people who will help us. Who will support us and vice versa and eventually you'll forget about Z, and start losing attachment. Js hang on ml.

@wind mountain

[wind mountain]

@void burrow Thank you for your kind words. “It gets easier; everyday it gets a little easier. But, you have to do it everyday, that’s the hard part, but it gets easier.” Has to be my favorite quote from any show.

I don’t want to do the letter act, since I fear that just gives her more power over me. I want my mind to never care about her again; not be angry at her or feel pity for her or whatever. I just want to be apathetic towards her, towards everyone.