min3

[feral gazelle]

/

idk where to start

first off i hate myself for how i look talk laugh and think

everyday im drifting away from god and i have to determination to change anything in my life

im so lazy i hate it

nobody loves me but my brain and heart wont accept it

i swear i feel like my daydreams mock me

always thinking about a gf or friends i can rely on instead of school

il never be like my sister

shes smart has lots of friends and shes very pretty and shes single but that doesnt affect her

i got all the ugly traits from my parents

its so unfair

everything negative or bad from my parents went straight to me

i dont even know if mt sister even is my sister we look so diffrent even people comment about it

im a loser for always staying inside last winter break i legy the house like 4 times and showered 3 times which is so disgusting

i always try my best but everyone hates me

am i just a crybaby but i almost never cry around people

am i annoying i do laugh to loud but sometimes i forget how my laugh sounds

im extremely dumb i had a test and i got a D on it its was so close to a F is i did get a F il have to repeat the entire class i wasnt even passing in the frist place

im nerdy so selfish jugmental loser

everyone punching bag

people bully me for being me

but i dont even what me feels like anymore i feel like a empty puppet

i suck at everything this world has to offer

i hate me body my face my scars

im just a coward

i want to be loved to so so bad but im too ugly

im probaly the ugliest in my school

im ashamed to be my sisters brother

my friend ships always end up breaking apart or all of them bullying me but ive been alone with no friends for so long i gaind attactment issuses

i hate my teeth i have a overbite and i had them for so long none has the money for my braces

im uneployed but have a spending problem so my card went into the negatives mutiple times

i just want to cry im such a loser

i want to die but dont since i dont want to go to hell but i hate this earth so much i feel trapped

im uncreative and my determination can be destoryed so easily im just sensitive

even when i was a child people and even teachers where cruel to me

i cant read for shit

i cant draw for shit

im just a waste of space

i hate myself im so skinny but also fat at the same time

i dont have anything else so il end part 1 off here

min3

[feral gazelle]

its been a week since i wrote that messegae and nothinh has changed

i lost my $80 dollar airpods and a staff isnt going to do shit cause last time i lost them i had to get new one even though they said they will look for it that was 4 months ago

so

and people still hate me for existing

soo not excited for valentines day where none boy or girl love me

even my friends or people i consider ugly has a partner

but another year another depressing valentimes

i guess

still struggle with the fact that none loves me :/

i accept it but my heart wont

its been a week since last time it feels like a month

im really werid and annoying

my classmates even told me to kms

so

idk

just in some typa trance i guess

i have a rehersal tommorow so that might go well

atleast someone good is happening in my life for once

hope i dont jinx it

im annoying

one day fine or happy next day sad and gloomy

i wished someone loved me

not sure what to write might just cry myself to sleep

i feel so heavy and tence and i cant let that go

i have no energy

i want to go outside and enjoy/live my life to the fullest

but with this cold and stirct parents and having almost no friends

i cant

some days i wonder if im real

my life is so boring i dont feel real

i feel heartbroken but i never dated anyone

what is this feeling

it just so cold

crying dosent help

idk

i dont got anything else

im uncreative

ima end the second part off here

(forgot to mention that the only help i had was a friend on roblox but new chat made it so we cant talk so im really alone)

[feral gazelle]

heyo its me

its march now dang this year is going by fast

all of feb just made everything worse honestly

i still hate myself

it so disgusted my myself

im dumb as hell

man i wish someone was there to understand and help me

but everyone hates me i mean i hate myself too

i guess im writing this cause i cant sleep cause of these thoughts

none needs me none will ever need me

i feel like ive been letting myself go way to much and thats not good

i end up making people think im werid

i wish i can be normal

i wish i can be handsome

i wish i was truly happy

i feel like i dont try hard enough and i never will

i wished someone loved me

im always ignored

im so childish

im sorry i have abadoned this journal idk i been busy hating myself

everyone is mean to me

not sure why

the daydream problem didnt get fixed

sadly

im a loser

i serious major loser

man if my parents werent here and i wasnt such a bitch i would of blown my 🧠 by now

all thought i end up going to hell so

im forced down here

🙁

my eyesight got worse over my break yay

im such a loser

im here in my bed talking about my emotions to random people

jeez

would anyone miss me if i died

i dont think so

i hate the way i talk

il just curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep i guess

i dont got anything else to say

this is where il leave of the third part