He brokeup with me after 4 years, but in an explosive way, and i wanna help him but i cant

[high willow]

i feel terrible

theres nothing i can do

HES NOT OK

AND NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE

knowing ill never have the chance to help my baby anymore
hes not ok
hes not doing well
and im blocked
hes confused hes suffering
i want him to be happy
but he wont be happy by thinking he doesnt need help
this is terrible
hes insecure hes scared
hes my baby
his inner child is not ok
he needs love
he doesnt have love
hes home all day
no one carring for him
please
i need to help him
i cant be happy if hes unhappy
he deserves love and happiness
he doesnt have it anymore
and he could leave me at the end of the day
he could marry another woman
have simon with her
he could step on me but if i could see him finnally happy
it would be worth
i wanna take care of him
BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DOING BAD TO HIM
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIM
HE FEELS LONELY
MISUNDERSTOOD
PLEASE I NEED HELP HIM
THIS IS MISEARABLE
HE DOESNT DESERVE THAT
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
I BEG
I CANT
THIS FEELS HORRIBLE
I HAVE NO WAY TO CONTACT HIM AND HES GOING TROUGH HORRIBLE THINGS THAT NO ONE KNOWS BUT ME
NOT EVEN HIS MOM KNOWS
PLEASE
I NEED TALK WITH HIM
HES NOT SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP HE DOESNT SEE HOW SERIOUS IT IS
HE HAS HORRIBLE HALLUCINATIONS AND HE SAID HE THINKS HE MIGHT HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA AND THAT FUCKIN WORRIES ME BECAUSE HE WONT SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP HIS SELF AND WHEN I TRIED TELLING HIS MOM SHE DIDNT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY, TOLD HM AND HE LIED TO HER
BUT I CANT LET IT
PLEASE
ITS GONNA RUIN HIS LIFE
HE HAS NO IDEA
HE NEEDS HELP
I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART
I DONT CARE IF HE DOESNT LOVE ME
I WANNA HELP HIM I WANT HIM HEALED
I WANT THAT
BUT NO ONES STTEPING IN
WHHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY GOD
PLEASE LET ME GO BACK
PLEASE
MY THROAT HURTS
THIS IS TERRIBLE
WHY NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHATS LIKE TO SEE SOMEONE YOU LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY DESTROY THEIRSELF
AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING
PLEASE

AND THERES NOTHING I CAN DO

IAM THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS

AND HES NOT GONNA SEEK HELP BY HIS SELF

BECAUSE HE FEELS SHAMED OF WANTING HELP

BUT I KNOW

I KNOW THE NIGHTS I STAYED UP TO COMFORT HIM

I KNOW THE MAN INSIDE HIM

I KNOW THE THINGS NO ONE ELSE DOES

HES ALONE

WHEN HE WAS 15 HE TRIED TO KILL HIS SELF WITH A GUN, AND HE STILLS HAS THAT GUN IN HIS CLOSET

HE HAS HALLUCINATIONS

HES NOT OK

HE HEARS VOICES IN HIS HEAD

I CANT BE HAPPY KNOWING HES SUFFERING ALL OF THAT

AND I CANT DO ANYTHING

I REALLY NEED TALK WITH HIM

I WANT HIM TO LAY HIS HEAD ON MY SHOUDLER AGAIN

ILL COMFORT HIM ALL TIME HE NEEDS

AND I DONT CARE IF HE JUST MARRY ANOTHER WOMAN, IF HES HAPPY ILL BE HAPPY

ITS MY FAULT I WANNA KNOW WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY

HE HAS SO MUCH FEARS

ITS BEEN A MONTH

I CANT

THIS IS TERRIBLE

THIS IS NOT OK

PLEASE

SEEING HIM DESTROYING HIS SELF

AND HE HAS A FUCKIN GUN IN HIS ROOM

AND GOD KNOWS WHAT THE HELL HE CAN DO WITH THAT

I DONT WANNA SHWOER I DONT WANNA GET UP BED I DONT WANNA EAT

I CANT DO THAT

I DONT REGRET ANYTHING I DID TO HIM, EEVRY LOVE EVERY I DID, I DONT, HE DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE

HE NEEDS LOV

HE DOESNT HAVE IT

HES UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED AND HE KNOWS THAT

BUT HIS FEARS ARE RUINING HIS LIFE

HIS SHAME

BUT IAM HERE I TRULY LOVE HIM FROM WHO HE IS

HE DOESNT NEED BE ASHAMED OF HIS HALLUCINATIONS AND VOICES IN HIS HEAD I STILL LOVE HIM

BUT YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP

BUT YOU WONT SEEK IT

HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE HIS BODY HE FEELS SHAMED OF BEING SKINNY BECAUSE HORRIBLE PEOPLE BULLIED HIM WHEN HE WAS 17 FOR BEING SKINNY

HE FEELS HORRIBLE WITH HIS BODY

BUT I FIND HIM BEAUTIFUL ALL WAYS

HES THE MOST HANDSOME MAN IVE EEVR LAY MY EYES ON

AND HE HAS AN ESSENSCE THAT NO OTHER FUCKIN MAN HAS

I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OTHER MEN I DONT WANT OTHER MEN

I DONT

I DONT CARE

AND I DONT WANT THEM

THE ONLY GUY I WANT IS HIM

ALL HIM

AND

SPECIALLY

FOR HIM TO BE HAPPY

ILL ALWAYS CHOOSE HIM FIRST

HE MIGHT WONT CHOOSE ME

EVER AGAIN

BUT

I WILL

WHAT CAN I DO PLEASE

WHY

YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

I WIS YOU COULD SEE IT

I WANNA HELP YOU SO BAD

IM SO SORRY FOR ANYTHING

YOU ARE MY MAN

MY BOY

IM PROUD OF YOU OK

EVERYDAY

YOU ARE SO CREATIVE

YOU ARE SO SMART

YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING SO MUCH THINGS

YOU HAVE ALL OF THAT INSIDE YOU

BUT YOU NEED LET BE HELPED

LOOK, I UNDERSTAND YOU, REALLY

I DONT THINK URE MEAN, I DONT HATE YOU

I LOVE YOU

UNCONDITIONALLY

AND I KNOW YOU ARE SCARED

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU SUFFERED

BUT PLEASE YOU ARE NOT RECOGNIZING YOURE LETTING IT RUIN URSELF

IM SAYING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

I TURLY CARE

ID GO ANYWHERE FOR YOU

AND I DONT CARE IF YOU THINK MY LOVE IS TOO MUCH

YOU MATTER

U MEAN A LOT

SO SO MUCH

YOU CHANGED MY LIFE

YOU MADE ME SMILE LIKE NO ONE ELSE DID

I WISH YOU COULD SEE THAT

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON AS YOU THINK

I KNOW THE REAL YOU

YOU SHOWED ME THINGS YOU DIDNT TO ANYONE ELSE

AND UR ESSENSCE IS UNIQUE

URE UNIQUE

URE SPECIAL

URE CARED

URE LOVED

AND I DONT CARE IF YOU DONT LOVE ME BACK

I DONT CARE IF YOU WILL MARRY OTHER WOMAN

BUT, I WANT YOU FREE FROM UR FEARS

FROM THE SUFFERING

FROM THE INSECURITIES

YOU MAY NOT RECOGNIZE SOME URSELF

BUT I DO

PLEASE TALK WITH ME

I KNOW YOU DIDNT MEANT THE THINGS U SAID

IF I COULD DO ANYTHING, IF I KNEW THAT MAYBE WHAT RUINED UR LIFE WAS ME, I SWEAR, I WOUD HAVE FIND A WAY TO NOT APPEAR IN UR LIFE

I SWEAR

IAM SORRY IF YOU EVER FELT LIKE I WAS TOO MUCH

[high willow]

i just need talk with him

i need to

[mystic pier]

I understand. But you should never feel like you’re the reason his life isn’t okay. He could’ve told you he disliked your behavior but he didn’t. Never feel like a burden. You have to belive. And if you can’t do that, think of why people believe in you. I hope you’ll feel better soon

[odd echo]

bb i think uve only lived the last five years through his eyes