I'm so tired of people telling my I need to talk to a professional, I reached out to the only free counselling service in my country and I've been waiting over 3 weeks for a response. I'm tired of people telling my I should try a therapist I can't afford it, and I can never fully trust someone that I'm paying to care. Literally all I want is for the counsellors to finally fucking answer me so I can finally get "professional" help. Every fucking day gets worse and worse and worse and I can't vent because I can't ask people on discord and reddit to help me work through suicidal thoughts and trauma it's so unfair to put it on them but it's just like why fucking why won't they fucking answer me bro just fucking please. Everytime I try to talk about my problems it's the same, you really need to speak to a professional and it's like I reached out, I fucking reached out but they don't fucking care, not a single person fucking cares, all people care about is having me alive so they can feel good about themselves, all people care about is calling me up when no one else will answer them. No one gives a single shit, no one in real life, no one online, the counsellors don't fucking care, the government doesn't fucking care, society doesn't fucking care. I called the suicide helpline and it's probably the most un fucking helpful experience I've ever had in my life.
#I know I need a professional
pseudo ridge
I hate that no women will ever love a disgusting freak like me, I hate that I just deserve less than women for being a man, and I hate that I deserve less than men for being a failure if a man. I hate that it feels like I can't talk to a man about my issues because I don't trust them, but talking to a woman about it is just as difficult becaue I feel guilty, like such a pure an innocent sould doesnt deserve to hear about a fucking wretch like me, they shouldn't have to hear about what a disgusting person I am. I wish I never had sexual feelings I wouldn't be like this, I have to either kill myself or castrate myself.
I couldn't say what my trauma was it got blocked by the safety filter