(Dont mind the official stuff, I do that sometimes)
#FILE XXI-519-A
sick mural
sick mural
NERMALLY
JANUARY 21, 2026
LOG ONE
I have kept my relationship with my girlfriend, and I've been trying to wait it out and see how it all turns out. It was okay, pretty average ranking but I was able to somewhat talk to her about it, and I was able to call her a lot and like, idk, converse with her one-on-one i guess. 2 days ago, at like around 7, I uh, cried in my mom's arms, because like at the time I was having a bad day, and I wanted to call her badly but she was already on call with her guy friends, and so I was on the verge of crying, but then my mom called me into the room and eventually began to cry. I opened up to her about my problems, she's essentially telling me to end it if it continues, but to also talk to her about this. From then on, I have been somewhat feeling better, my brother also found out and also gave me advice. Told me that whenever this does happen with her guy friends, I need to self-reflect, think that she doesn't mean it in a bad way, that her friends are also my friends, and to know that she's committed to you. I wrote it all down just to not forget, so thats that.
School today was a massive disappointment. I have tried to like, get her attention and all, but she just flocks over to her guy friend. She's literally standing next to him, doing stuff with him like playing with things and is literally given permission to take my child (who is a stuffed animal, me and her share a stuffed animal and call it our child), which pissed me off. She even sat away from me during lunch, in which she sat next to another one of her guy friends (who is her ex), and when he questions it I overhear here her say "don't say that cuz then he's gonna overthink and I don't wanna deal with that". And now im stuck here feeling as if i'm just not him anymore for her.
Oh and, today I just found out that she has apparently major issues that her therapist knows of, whom of which ranks her as severely depressed, and I know this, but apparently she's been talking to her guy friend about this shit and NOT ME, IN WHICH IM HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND. And tomorrow at school, we're taking this field trip to another school for high school preparation, and me and the guy friend agreed to run an experiment, which follows with both of us on the bus sitting in different empty seats next to each other to see who she'll sit next to, same for the ride home. I have expressed this to him, but if she does sit next to him for both rides, I might just break up with her.
I've also been told that, although she doesn't want physical touch, she DOES want to talk to me and interact with me, but WHENEVER I TRY TO I JUST GET "nice..." or "okay...", while when she talks to the guy friend she's literally all "OMGIMSOHAPPYFORYOUOMGGGG", like wtfff???
Tbh, i'm just burnt out with trying so hard and getting so little in return
I think im gonna break up with her
But, how do I do it without hurting her?
I feel as if i might just make her break from it, because she has said that she's felt safe in this relationship, but that was a long time ago
And now she's severely stressed out and depressed
I just dunno what to do
Oh well