fallen sequoia
Ponder Ponder.
Been pondering heavily, whether I should continue on, see the next year and the future or just stop. I still have my purpose and reasons to live, but it's foggy, all of it. I mean it's just a few days, any day now the year will reset back to January 1 but with new thoughts. But my thoughts remain the same, always at the lowest, always at the past, repeating the same mistakes.
I know there were people, who took the effort to keep me here and it'd just be sad to let them down, I can't afford to just end it here, the people I met, talked to, played with, I don't want to hurt them, But the longer I stay, the more things just keep getting harder.
I took many identities, just to keep myself from thinking this way, even with different identities, it all comes back, dealing with problems 8x harder. They all have the same craving as I do, longing for better memories to remember and look back to.
Maybe it's our cravings that make us suffer this much or just me, because they're the identities I took and made to hide. Just so lost right now to what to do, I have guides to follow, the guidance that I yes, asked for and needed. But to this day I still don't have any clue to how to do them and I don't know if I understood it right. I feel like a burden, for feeling this way, talking this way and for taking others burdens.
pearl condor