#Any advice for enjoying my hobbies again?

14 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

unreal karma
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So first post, gonna have the TL:DR up here and the paragraph at the bottom, sorry if it's a little disorganized or hard to read in advance.

TL:DR - I struggle to enjoy any of my hobbies like music composition, drawing, and the root cause is comparison but I don't know how to break the cycle, and desperately need even the smallest step to begin.

CONTEXT/BACKGROUND

So four years ago I had developed an interest in street fighter games due to their soundtracks, and eventually I looked into the older games, and discovered my love for old sounding music (Gameboy, Sega, NES, N64, you name it). I took action with this newfound interest, and since I already had inspirations for what a music career could turn into, I gave it a shot and started learning. I started out on my phone and didn't have a YouTube channel or anything like that, just did it for the love of the game. I never made anything original at that time, I just tried to remake songs that I liked.

Eventually I started to actually study chiptune style music a little less than a year in, I LOVED how it sounded, the charm it had, it became the only genre I really dabbled in. I started by remaking the old styles of street fighter songs, and at this time I decided to make a YouTube channel to dump my projects. At the time I just figured "just put them here and if people like them they like them" just like that nothing else. Eventually I garnered a small niche fan base that liked what I did, I felt great, people just appreciated what I made, and I never looked at anyone else who did the same thing as me

Fast forward two years I started to focus on Gameboy style and Sega style songs, I was always better with Gameboy but practiced Sega a little, this resulted in the creation of a Sega style remix, I had no issues with it at all.

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I hit the word limit on accident so I'll summarize it here more efficiently.

My strategy to avoid comparing my work was simple, just make remixes of songs that didn't have any yet, nothing to compare it to, but past me failed to understand that others will remix the same song eventually no matter how niche, and it did happen eventually, but it never really bothered me cause it would get the same recognition.

I made a Sega style remix of a song I liked and posted it, all was well, the only other channel to do it was a really big one so I rationalized it by saying to myself "oh they're a team of course it sounds better." The main problem is this.

I wanted to make music for said game and hoped that if I made some emote concepts, themes for characters, I'd get picked up (or just have a song get added cause the devs do that).

Someone with a lot more experience made a remix of the same song, but it's just one person, so my main rationale was gone, and it sounded so much better, not only that but it got added to the game, and now they contact them anytime they want an emote or a song. I feel like my chance was squandered before I even really got one because of this. Now I had unlisted my remix because "if theirs is so much better to the point of going viral, why would anyone care about mine?"

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Now I struggle with finding the motivation to do music in general because of this major discouragement, the bandaid for it is I just avoid Sega music entirely because "if I don't make it, I don't have to worry about others" but I still want to. Anytime I try though, especially with Sega music, my mind goes back to them and their remix, how much better it was, how much more attention it got, when I poured my soul into mine, then I just lose the creative spark all over again. I know it was "luck" or "timing" but it still hurts a lot, in my mind unless I can either match their recognition or make mine sound even half as good, then I can continue, otherwise I feel inferior and lose the will to try.

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I know I shouldn't really be worried about the views but honestly what hurts more is just how much better they did, and the fact that they landed exactly where I wanted to be near effortlessly.

What I need is advice on shifting my mentality or approach to my hobbies, some small steps to take to enjoy the journey and focus on myself, otherwise I will be trapped in this loop.

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(I did cut a lot because of the word limit so If you have any questions at all that would make it easier I will gladly answer.)

opaque vale
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I used to struggle a a lot with comparison too, still do but much less than before and can at least engage in my hobbies in some meaningful sense, that makes me feel good.

I know that cycle of feeling inferior and avoidance is really painful and demotivating - comparison is afterall the thief of joy. I think one thing to realise, especially in a creative pursuit, like yours is that you're not competing for a slot (getting selected by game devs) but rather building a body of work and that takes repeated effort, consistent work and a lott of failure (could-have-been's). Now ik it's probably hard to stomach any subpar work from your end - that's a perfectionistic trait that often keeps one from trying at all. Instead of obsessing over someone else's far 'superior' work, maybe shift the goalpost to being centered around you (away from external validation where your work has value if and only if 'x' (where x is whatever external goal you want to achieve)). Instead, before each song/track you make - set a realistic, achievable goal personal to yourself (you don't even need to share it) like I want to try infusing this tone, want to try something new. Basically set small but meaningful constraints or challenges for yourself, and see if you can achieve those. And even if you don't and that'll happen - just try to see what you learnt from the process. I used to terrified and paralysed of handing in creative writing essays because I could see (it was on a forum) the amazing work everyone else was producing, so then I just made my goal to be writing an essay (no matter the quality) and just analyse what I learnt from it - and almost always you learn something or the other, no matter how small. And that itself gave me a sense that I was moving forward

Right now, your brain is collapsing from all the pressure and expectation you're piling on top of it (being as 'good' as the other person, game dev's noticing, views etc) and it's no wonder motivation is fizzling out.

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When I'm really struggling with getting started at all owing to fear of comparison and inferiority, I try this exercise a friend once suggested: deliberately go in with the goal of producing bad work - like genuinely, 'I'm going to compose the worst possible bass line for this song'. I know it sounds ridiculous and counterintuitive but it really works, once you get past the initial reluctance. You get into the practice of just producing stuff, not judging it so harshly and eventually your brain decouples what you produce from a threat or something to be criticised.

You've kinda hit your first real wall that separates dabblers/hobbyists from people who are seriously committed to their art, and pursue it to no end. And it's natural to feel discouraged and struggle - we all do. But most people quit here at this point...not because they're inferior, not good enough or lack talent, but because comparison convinces them there's no point and it's already over. I wholeheartedly believe you can still persevere and make it through this though hugheart 🫂 Good luck, hope this a helps a bit

unreal karma
unreal karma
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Still struggling to like actually start but I got a game plan

opaque vale
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Best of luck! Rooting for you hugheart

unreal karma
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Hm, true.

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I appreciate the support dearly, I think joining this server was a good idea.

unreal karma
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So far the strat has been not uploading anything, but I am still struggling to actually work on Sega music