#My social anxiety and problems are really affecting me

82 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

gentle shadow
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I might need some advice but i'm not sure..

Just some info: I have never really been a very talkative and social person but it has gotten a lot worse recently it's draining me. I feel awkward talking to anyone even people I know but it's really bad with strangers and girls...

Ever since i started college I thought that i would have the chance to meet lots of cool new people, maybe some who are like me and share similar interests. Sadly this wasn't the case and i am stuck with a bunch of regular popular kids in my class who i have to be with 24/7. These people are not the nicest or the most well-behaved so I don't want to make friends with the,. I feel out of place in the class because it's very loud and i'm a quiet person so it's kinda uncomfortable.

It kinda sucks that I gotta be with those people for 2 years and not have anyone new join the class. You would think that I could try and talk with new people during when i'm on a break which is true but i have really bad social anxiety and i get stressed and scared when i'm near people i don't know. It's such a shame because there is quite a few people i have seen who share similar styles to me and interests but i struggle trying to say something. I don't have any 'friends' because they kinda ditched me since college started. So i'm basically on my own which is really draining me because i feel like my anxiety and fear of others is only going to get worse.. but also my paranoia because i feel that everyone is staring and judging me all the time. NOTE: I ran out of room lol so im gonna put the follow up below this entire rant

I'm starting to feel so hopeless that i don't even want to attend college because i feel like i don't belong there and that everyone doesn't like me. I know it's a stretch but it's just reality at this point and have given up tbh.

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FOLLOW UP YAP SESH - talking about classmates
There is this one girl in my classes that shares a common interest which is a manga/anime called chainsaw man, we talked for 30 seconds one time and that was all. That little conversation has been replaying in my head every day and it makes me want to try and be friends because it seemed like that was her intention when she started talking to me about it. Another issue other than VERY bad social anxiety is how awkward I am with girls, i have no idea why but it sucks.
she seems really nice and she is a bit like me because shes also very quiet and shy i'd say. I don't wanna try and date or wtv because i'm not that type of person i just want to make some friends so im not even more bored and lonely for the next two years

normal rune
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Hi

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@gentle shadow

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Dear

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You have a successful

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Life being in college is the final step of success

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You have a problem being sociable

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And at the first its kinda you are shy

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And you just don't like how they are looking at you

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You are beautiful and you don't know that so that they are focusing on you

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But anyway

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Try to have slef confident

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And be more social

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Day by day you will be close to them

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You will laugh

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Date

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And make friends

gentle shadow
compact mason
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not saying you have crash on all girls

it just means your orientation may be women 👈🏻

just saying from my experiences and stories of other people I readed

I myself feel awkward next to girls

and I saw like some people write that they feel awkward next to boys and as well girls

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and if they feel awkward next to both it's interesting cause what if they may have hard times of differentiating it from social anxiety 🤔

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when you are attracted only to one binary gender it's less serious

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also depends how serious social anxiety is

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the more stories you know about something the more confident you feel so maybe look out for stories about social anxiety and feeling awkward

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so you may pick up differences

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though why am I even assuming that social anxiety may be mistaken with feeling awkward? it isn't thing I experienced too much to be sure so don't know it's just my idea as advice

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reddit is place people share stories about different topics, besides we are on ttc server so you can search word anxiety and also on Facebook there may be groups of this topic with people writing their stories

it may give you starting resources to get most often occuring schemes to differentiate what's most propably true

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and I may give you stories how I made friends as it's one of the things you writed about

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I was alone for 3 years of technical school and were staying alone on breaks between lessons

sometimes someone tried talk but when girl asked how I feel

I responded

okay

don't know why I had not any will to try continue concersation or didn't had any ideas

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i meanwhile across years I readed about emotions, spirituality and part of it were conspiracy theories (don't recommend them, they only makes you feel scared of different things when not being even true) and so in fourth class I by accident on lessons and breaks were talking about these topics and that's one of my classmates occured to also being interested in consp theories so we got fundament for talking together and being friends

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other than that I had classmate in the same desk in medium school that is for 3 years and we were got friends by being class clowns to some extent

I don't recommend being class clown though it's not something you can control it subsides depending on how mature person you are

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teachers dislike class clowns and it's not only downside of it

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had arguments with mom cause of being rude in school

gentle shadow
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btw im reading this now because i was sleeping and i was out

gentle shadow
gentle shadow
compact mason
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yes how I made that friend is by accident

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I just threw sometimes bit of things I learned about conspiracy theories and we somehow found similar vibe/leanugage

gentle shadow
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fr,it would be so much easier to talk to people who were interested in something that i like because when i talk about my hobbies and interests i'm not worried or anxious so its easier to speak to people

toxic musk
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this is the reason why people go to uni

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the like-minded environment and self growth does more to you than the degree

gentle shadow
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thats what most people have said to me, o thpught college wpuld be like that but its not, for me at least

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there is one person in my class but i cannot bring myself to talk to them

gentle shadow
toxic musk
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is she also a loner or does she hang out with friends? (in regards to planning an approach)

gentle shadow
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um not really sure shes talks to only 2 other guys who are chill

toxic musk
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ahh

gentle shadow
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but shes really shy and quiet

toxic musk
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other guys could be jealous and get in your way but in your case I'd just ask her out during a lunch break

gentle shadow
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im not trying to make a move lol just trying to make a friend because i have 1 friend i think

gentle shadow
toxic musk
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doesn't mean shit

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just say to her "hey, can I ask you something really quick?"

gentle shadow
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probs just me idk

toxic musk
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yes but that is what you want

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"I know this is awkward but I noticed you're into ....... and then just start rambling"

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I once was in a similar situation

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7 years later she's one of the only people from highschool that still text me from time to time

gentle shadow
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i could say that

gentle shadow
toxic musk
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it nothing weird to say

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we just ramble about gaming lol

gentle shadow
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ik shes a gamer too

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we both like a few games and some shows and books but i olnly knew that cus she was talking with me one time

toxic musk
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see, if #1 works try out asking her to join a co-op game you both play

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2 minute talks after class are nice, but to have actual friends you remember you need to do stuff together

gentle shadow
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i could ask one of her freinds to give me her dc cus ik she has one and im chill with her frined hes a cooldude

gentle shadow
toxic musk
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You really should ask her in person

gentle shadow
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i wann try and make some small talk first because she sits next to me in most classes because of the teachers seating arrangements

gentle shadow
toxic musk
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Ask her for an appointment irl and then text. If you dm directly it's a 90% no, just because of introvertnes.

gentle shadow
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wym

toxic musk
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wanna play **** at 8pm today later? "oh cool ofc" what's your dc "here its...." insert funny comment about name "anecdote about username" alright I'll text you later.

100 times better than asking her friend for her contact and then dm.
If she has no time pick a time she can

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This makes everything alot more sincere without being invasive

gentle shadow
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just simple small talk nothing more

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i think i can do that