2025 is the worst year of my life.
I lost everything i ever wished,down to myself,the people i loved,and my hopes and dreams.
I’m not a bad person,but i sure as shit am an unstable mess
I need to fix myself,for a thousand reasons but one more importantly
It’s love,I lost the girl of my dreams to the fact I was too much to bear with
And it isnt her fault,it’s mine and only mine
I became something unrecognizable,and to even be worth the talk,I must become someone new
I make this journal to remind myself everyday how far I’ll go in the name of love,even if it doesnt end up being her
By the end of the year 2026,i want to go in contact with her again
I want her to be proud of me,and even if we’d never date again,i want to be her friend
We will both have moved on,which is fair,her and i are able to find someone new to love,so this part doesnt bother me in à way
But i have something to prove,starting today
I’m done with alcohol,I’m done with weed
I’m done with the self hate and guilt i hold strong onto,it doesnt make me
I do not lack hope,me and her are young,and with time maybe things will be even better than what it was
But for now,i need to let her breath and respect myself as much as i respect her
I love yall,never give up.
#Taking back control of my life,and loving myself
grave anchor
grave anchor
These days have been weird,tough,and confusing to say the least.I believe I have some sorts of attachment issues in the end,thé way I just think about my ex over and over again.Love isnt meant to be easy,but it’s hard to accept the fact I’m the one who caused all of the problems.I get it,I get my mistakes and how to fix them,change,but it cant bring back what we had realistically.I don’t feel like reaching out to her anymore,which is good,but I cant deny I still love with all my heart.In the end,I just hope she’s doing things that make her happy.I hope me and her still have a chance at becoming friends one day,because she does still mean alot to me-but bringing hope to something that feels hopeless would just kill me more.I need to focus on myself and do something else with my life.