High functioning depression since last year. Currently it's 5 am and I woke up like 2 hours ago and cried for an hour straight cuz of the bad stuff that happened to me yesterday. It was going really well for like the first time in few months until I started playing video games with my friends and that's when the negative stuff kept coming in. My family isn't poor, but we live in a pretty small house for 4 people. Me and my brother (he's pretty old) share rooms together and it's really annoying cuz last year he was living with his friend and he decided to come back. It was like 8 pm and my brother for some reason is still sleeping just bed rotting all day and he always tells me to shut up which genuinely pisses me off whenever I call with my friends while playing video games. I was talking really quietly where at the point my friends were telling me to speak up and stop acting nonchalant (another thing that pisses me off whenever people say that to me when they don't even know I struggle with depression). All I did was laugh like usual and wasn't even laughing that loud and he tells to shut up when he's been sleeping the whole day quitting his part time job while he's like 21 years old. That instantly flipped my mood and made me really angry and sad. I went on mute cuz I started crying and I didn't wanna leave the game and ruin other people's mood. Negative comments and jokes kept coming in from my friend and in game that made me really sad (I'm pretty sensitive cuz bad stuff happened to be when I was a kid). Also it's the fact that my family doesn't even like each other. I'm fine with everyone and get along well but my dad and mum doesn't like each other and haven't talked to each other for like 5 or more years. My brother also hates my dad. I just want some love man.
#Problems with my current life right now
feral wing
I always help people out and even helped one of my other friend that's a girl and struggles with depression to help her leave her like toxic situationship she's in. Ik that just cuz I helped people, doesn't mean I expect the same thing to be reciprocated towards me in some way. But it's just so unfair that I was born into this family and have to live like this when I always help people out and keep it hidden cuz I don't want other people to worry about me. Idek what to say anything more here and I think there is still a lotta stuff I can talk about here but I just can't think. Pls help.
Also I really don't like my brother vaping in the same room that we share cuz I care about my physique and health and I feel like one day the smoke he exhales is gonna mess with my health as well (which is possible)