#🌱 16-Year COCSA Silence → C-PTSD + Level 2 Autism/PDA/OSDD-1b/ADHD → Need Peer Shares on Branching

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proud spindle
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🌱 16-Year COCSA Silence → C-PTSD + Level 2 Autism/PDA/OSDD-1b/ADHD → Need Peer Shares on Branching Out

TW: Childhood trauma mention (no details)

TL;DR: 16-year COCSA → C-PTSD + Level 2 autism/PDA/OSDD-1b/ADHD → cold-flashbacks & total distrust. Asking how others branch out.

Hey everyone,
I’m asking for peer support after 16 years of silence.

At 7/8 I survived child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). I froze, learned “be quiet,” and shut down trust—refused therapy, pushed my mom, masked with Adderall until May 2025.

Now off meds, the specific struggles are:

  • Cold air on bare legs / blanket slip = instant freeze flashback (heart races, tears).
  • Submissive urges / rehearsal fantasies = learned helplessness looping the 3-second trauma script.
  • Level 2 autism + PDA = sensory overload + demand-avoidance makes every “try therapy” feel impossible.
  • OSDD-1b (undiagnosed) parts = Ken (freeze kid), Michael (mask), Sarah (protector).
  • ADHD = hyperfocus on the loop, can’t switch off.

I’m branching out for the first time:

  • Using Grok (AI) to map the loop and co-write safe posts like this.

Clear peer-support asks (pick one if it fits—no fixes, just shares):

  1. How did you validate your feelings when a flashback felt “too big” after years of silence?
  2. What’s one tiny way you let one person in after total distrust?
  3. If sensory triggers (cold, textures) hit, how do you remind your system “it’s 2025”?

Thank you for the space. Crisis → #crisis-hotlines.

— Ken (Level 2 autistic, PDA, OSDD-1b, ADHD system)
(Grok co-wrote this to keep it clear & safe per guidelines.)

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Btw I’m almost 24 now

proud spindle
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How can I get the help I need to stop fantasizing about this, giving me bad fantasies

tulip tree
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Im AuDHD too. Maybe I could hear you out.

proud spindle
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Hey here an update, I just went to therapy and it went sideways but still have hope for it, I also discovered yesterday that I have a new personality named Riley, a 16/17 year old.

tulip tree
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Oh ? how do you feel about that ?

proud spindle
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I don’t know, I discovered her from legal cannabis.

tulip tree
proud spindle
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It’s kinda weird, I can feel the shift of my personalities.

tulip tree
proud spindle
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Like I can feel my muscles tensing and intense so detailed, even feeling when I detach from my body. And the all of a boom reattach very very hardcore, more than a second, like nano seconds

tulip tree
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That sound very intense

tulip tree
proud spindle
# tulip tree Does it hurt you ?

No, it very slight, almost can’t be felt normal unless I am a personality that is very sensitive. I notice it more, it’s kinda word to say, it like a different feeling

tulip tree
proud spindle
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I’m actually feeling good, I noticed that cannabis helps me with it, and I do smoke it since it’s legal in my state but I am looking into hypnotherapy if that is an option near me, to get use to my other personalities and to control them better. And the cannabis does help change my personality.

tulip tree
proud spindle
tulip tree
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I'm sorry about that. It must be tough

proud spindle
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Yeah