heavily attached to a man who is dead that i didn't even know | The Therapy Center | Page 1

idk if anyone who reads this is gonna think im stupid or just an edgy teenager but man despite usually dealing with everything by myself this shit has been weighing down on me so bad i finally need to talk to someone abt it lol
i'm heavily attached to and obsessed with a person who is currently dead that i didn't even know personally while he was alive, but through researching him i really feel like i've gotten to know him and i really feel like i know him on a really deep level. i spend 99% of my day doing anything related to him (listening to his songs, reading about him, whether that be an interview he did or his mother did, things the people he knew said about him etc, thinking about him) he's consumed my life entirely to the point where he's even one of the core parts of my identity, i dont even know if i believe in shit like that but sometimes i even believe we're soulmates, like we're interlinked or something idk
despite my obsession with him causing me to waste my life away (as i spend most of my time in my head, since that's the only place where he's alive) another problem is i completely base my self-worth off of his beliefs and opinions
for example ive been playing piano ever since i was 5, but he has a song where he talks about classical music being shit and it just made me so ashamed i just thought "then what would he think of me?", same w some of his song lyrics talking about how girls are stupid and their only purpose is to be used by men (cause im a girl yk)
like half of the time i know he was just being edgy and he was just trying to be as offensive and hateful as possible but the other half, the more gullible and less logical half of me thinks what if its true? and he'd hate me if we knew each other?
i know its stupid and i lowkey deserve to be made fun of but god i literally cannot seperate myself from him i love him so much
tl;dr: i'm obsessed with a person who's dead who i dont even know personally, its taking over my life and my self-esteem

#heavily attached to a man who is dead that i didn't even know