Documenting my maternity and general mental and physical health here for future reference for doctors
#Julieks medical journal (replies open if respectful)
storm quarry
agile helmBOT
Day one of posting here.
I got the full medical confirmation that I’n pregnant. Since I have medical and financial support from my family, I can probably make a better choice.
I’m genuinely anxious and nervous about the possible repercussions of my choice.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know wether to keep the baby or not. Please I don’t know what to do and I’m scared
agile helmBOT
I feel no motivation to do anything with my life anymore. He ruined my life selfishley and I have to pick up the damn pieces myself. || I have to deal with his child I didn’t agree to. ||. Please man I’m so tired. I genuinely am exhausted. I don’t want to keep dealing this this. No matter how hard I wish for, it’s not going away. It’s never gonna go away. I don’t wanna be forced into positions like this. I lose either way. It isn’t fair.
storm quarry
Julieks medical journal (replies open if respectful)
agile helmBOT
Day two of posting here
I’m genuinely struggling rlly bad rn. My brother called me a “teenage pregnancy freeloader”. I can’t forget my ex. I want to forget. I need to forget. I can’t forget. It hurts. I can’t handle how much my Brian hurts mentally. I keep getting sick because my morning sickness is made worse by stress. I’m so stressed. I’m so tired. I can’t handle how much i can’t forget that ex. People he is friends with want me to forgive him and forget that he did this. I can’t. I don’t forgive him. He’s not sorry. I can’t forget what he did. I can’t take it. ||I’m having thoughts of suicide||. ||He’s an evil ass bastard|| who I want nothing good for him. He is evil. What he did to me was evil. ||I didn’t consent. I said no. I told him to stop and that I didn’t want to do what happened. He didn’t listen.||. And now I suffer
I didn’t fall asleep till like 1am. I woke up at 2 smthng am and throw up. I then fell asleep on the bathroom floor and woke up at 5:50am to my dad staring at me in the bathroom. My nausea is all day. I keep having headaches. I have to ||pee|| near constantly (1-2 an hour. Far more than I did before I was pregnant. About 1-2 a day.). My ||breasts|| hurt and feel sore. My backs struggling with the fact I have to sit weird to not feel like I’ll ||vomit||. My body hurts. I have weird emotions. My brains foggier than usual. I wanna eat more than I did before. My periods which happened infrequently after my hrt got stopped just don’t happen anymore at all. My mental that’s worse. I’m so genuinely physically tired. I can’t stomach food I could before. The smell of baked goods makes me nauseous
I can barely eat anything I could before. It makes me feel so sick. I can’t take my non insulin meds anymore for a while because my doctor doesn’t believe they’re safe at the moment. I’m so tired. I’m genuinely so tired of this. ||abortion|| isn’t something I’m going to be doing though. But I’m struggling really badly
I want to be happy. I felt happy earlier. And then the weight of reality hit me like a truck. Why does life hurt. Didn’t I suffer enough
agile helmBOT
My stomach feels a bit bloated. I feel nauseas. My neck hurts. My head hurts. I feel tired but can’t sleep. I’m nauseous. I want to feel human again. I feel so physically unwell
I can’t wait for baby to be out so I can feel physically better
agile helmBOT
I took meds and I feel a bit better
agile helmBOT
Day three of posting here
I’m not doing well. My ex still lingers in my brain so much. I don’t want to remember the details of what he did. But I have to. It’s his sin I have to be burdened with fixing. It’s his baby I’m having. As much as he won’t be raising it or in its life, it’s his baby. As much as I want it to be anybody else’s baby it isn’t. I’m still going to love it all the same but it means he still lingers in my life even if he’s sentenced to prison. If he dies he won’t go away. There’ll always be shreds of proof he existed.
I’m genuinely doing so badly
agile helmBOT
Day four of posting:
I saw the babies today! There’s two! :). I’m still going genuinely really rough but I currently think it will get better, but it’s going to be a long road ahead.
agile helmBOT
Day five of posting here
I’m doing really rough again. I’m afraid of bedrooms. I’m afraid of dating again. I’m sick and I feel sick and my body isn’t doing terribly well sickness wise with babies and all of that jazz. I’m so nauseous and tired all the time and it’s a struggle. My ptsd won’t calm down and it’s making it stressful which in turns making morning sickness worse. I hate the fact that some “people” think it’s my fault my ex did what he did or that he’s “innocent”. It’s his fault everything happened. Hate that creature.
agile helmBOT
Day six of posting here
I Felt fine physically. Tired though. Also kind of grouchy and just feeling like somber