so here's the story i have 10 friends in this college, but 7 of them joined the green org (i dont want to say it just to protect my privacy), while the other 2 join the brown org, while I'm the only one join this yellow org. At fist i was happy joining this org because I was influence that I've know who help me during 1st year student in vetmed and inspired to the students who became top nocthers and passed in board exam, but also im scared at the same time because the motto and not only that i've observed also in brown org or any org has this unfamiliar greeting to me which makes me felt discomfort they have, but since i have courage and braveness i still fight for it. Then here it came the welcoming, im expecting it will become a happy event but it turns out it traumatized me because it tests our braveness why we should stay to that org, and im making mistake its pretty dark, they just say hateful words at the beginning because they dont trust me just like that, they said ill give it "what if we dont like you will you still like us" "you dont even know our motto" "i ask you to dance because im bored" "did you evaluate our org first" like that just like that. im just a soft hearted person, i didnt cry i just feel numb but at the end of the day they still give us assurance that its part of the organization but i feel like i commited a fucking sin, i always read a bible to ease my mental health because i have a great anxiety to know more details in person which makes me hard to do so because it makes me tired. another reason i join this org is only to gain experience, i hate it why they dont like that reason thats why i make another reason just to survive that org.
#i joined an organization in veterinarian but all of these org are the same like"brother and sisters"
midnight arrow
another this is that idk why and i still dont know if i will continue to joining this org if i can still keep up my mental health. but my seniors in that org said we can still quit like that , you need to do the 3 evaluation before you became an official member. another thing i felt, because i feel always crying because of that traumatized day even though they give me assurance, panic to get to know them of new people, and making mistake because its hard for me to the fucking greeting system sometimes. i opened up this weighing problem to my father but he said its ok if you can still but if not ofcourse he will also be sad becuase they felt i betray them. anyway this is just 1 time im with my senior doing vet mission but even though it is fun i felt lacking because i feel like i never fit in the org i join. im open to vc because these days im starting to have lack motivation to study due to pressure in people. :(((
during my weekdays it felt hell i feel like im walking to broken and unsafe bridge that cause me death just a slight mistake, and to day i make excuses to go to church this sunday and bonding withy mother just to ease my mental health and pray to god, and listen to sermon talk about I need to forgive them like that. which makes me hard to forgive it because the only thing i join this fucking org is to gain experience, connection, and not a fucking brotherhood or sisterhood I WANT FRIENDS WHY DO I NEED TO PROVE FOR THEM IF THEY WANT THEY CAN JUST FUCKING ASK OTHER PEOPLE IN MY FRIENDS OR RELATIVE OF I DID SOMETHING BAD OR FUNCKING PAST RECORD I HATE IT. I HATE THAT FUCKING MOTTO WHAT IF I DONT HAVE A FUCKING ABILITIES OR SKILL JSUT TO CONTRIBUTE THIS FUCKING ORG WILL YOU STILL ACCEPT ME?? I CAN QUIT ANYTIME IF THERE'S 2ND EVALUATION IF MY FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH CANT DO IT ANYMORE, 😭